Chapter XVII: An Engagement

TOMINA and Doreen lunched at the Hall and dined at the Rectory. But neither of them cared for visiting. One afternoon, young Tracy St. Vincent came over to call. In the course of conversation, he asked Tomina if she could ride.

"I have a spare mount. I wondered if you would like to exercise her. She is a black mare and a very easy goer."

"I do ride occasionally, but I really have no time at present to indulge in it."

"Would Mrs. Gavin like to try her? Oh, I say, you might be friendly with me! I'm awfully down in my luck! The country isn't my style at all. I haven't a single friend."

"You are a very foolish young man," said Tomina, sitting up very straight and speaking in a grandmotherly fashion. "Take the people as they are round here, and don't keep abusing the country. That is what they dislike in you."

"Do they now? Who told you that? That stiff old Johnny at the Hall here? Norman is still away, isn't he? Why is he selling his place? I met the fellow who has bought it yesterday. He came over to my place to ask me about one of my keepers who is leaving me."

"Who is buying it?" asked Tomina, with interest. She was always glad when Tracy got off himself.

"He's an old chum of Norman's—Maurice Holme, he calls himself. A major in the same regiment as Norman used to be in, he told me. He and his wife are staying at the 'Red Deer' in Damerton. He's rather a decent chap—not so stiff and starchy as most of our neighbours. He took me for an old inhabitant; it was quite a change from the way most treat me."

Just by chance, Tomina happened to glance at Doreen. She was struck by the ashen pallor of her face.

"Aren't you well?" she asked.

"I think your room is very warm," Doreen said, rising as she spoke and walking towards the door. "I'm all right; don't trouble to follow me."

She closed the door after her. Tracy St. Vincent went on talking, but Tomina only half heard him.

At last, she asked—

"How long is this Major Holme staying in Damerton? Is he going to take possession of Yockley Court at once?"

"I believe so. The arrangement is that he should walk straight in and have the use of the contents of it till Norman can come back to see to his personal effects."

"Oh, I am sorry—I can't bear old places to lose their owners! Has he a family?"

"Didn't ask him. His wife is with him."

Tomina was very distrait for the rest of Tracy's visit. She was relieved when he went. He did not stay to tea, as he was going on to the Hall.

Doreen sent word by Susan that she had such a bad headache that she was going to bed, and would rather not be disturbed.

Tomina sent her up a cup of tea, but did not attempt to go near her. She sat over her fire thinking deeply. Before she went to bed, she tapped at Doreen's door. It was locked. So she called out good night and went to bed.

The next morning, Doreen appeared at breakfast with much her usual manner, and apologised for her abrupt departure the previous afternoon.

"I do get very sudden headaches, and it's no good inflicting other people with one's misery. Silence and bed generally cure me."

"That is fortunate," said Tomina, quietly.

Doreen looked quickly at her, opened her lips as if about to say something, and then closed them.

They walked out together after breakfast, and Doreen said suddenly—

"I think I shall have to leave you at the end of this week, Tomina. I must be up in town to see the decorators about my house."

"But you have only been with me a week."

"Ten days, have I not?"

"And yesterday morning you said you need not be back in town for another fortnight."

Tomina's tone was quiet dignity itself.

Doreen was dumb.

Then Tomina turned to her, and she linked her arm in hers as she spoke as if to take away the sting of her words.

"Yockley Court is a long way from here, Doreen, and you need not go near Damerton."

Not a tremor nor an extra pulse beat from Doreen, but she looked steadfastly in front of her as she said—

"I did not intend to conceal it from you. Of course, it was palpable from my want of self-control. I do not wish to run the risk of meeting Major Holme. It is extraordinary that in a place like this I should hear of him."

"Not so extraordinary as my meeting Colonel Norman down here, for they are evidently friends, and it is quite natural that one should take the property from the other. How strangely we are connected, Doreen, you and I! Can't we talk freely with each other?"

Doreen drew a deep breath.

"You never told me that you knew Colonel Norman."

"You never asked me."

"I don't know why you should expect me to confide in you when you are so reticent about yourself. You reminded me the first night that I came here that our lives were our own, that we need not be inquisitive about each other's way of living."

"Perhaps I was wrong," said Tomina, in a low voice. "I haven't much to tell, Doreen. I had a bitter quarrel with Colonel Norman years ago; we parted, and the savour of my life seemed gone. That made me reckless. And then I met him down here, and now we're friends—nothing more, and he is away with his invalid mother, nursing her and keeping her happy."

"But he is not married?"

"No," said Tomina, a startled look coming into her eyes. "Did you ever meet him?"

"Yes, more than once."

There was a little silence between them.

Then Tomina spoke, and there was almost a touch of tenderness in her tone.

"You need not tell me anything, Doreen. I guess. Major Holme has been in your past life, and though you are married to another man who holds your heart, you don't feel ready yet to meet your old admirer."

"Ah," said Doreen, with a quick-caught breath, "you have only yourself to thank for your separation, but I did nothing but love too wholeheartedly. We were within a day of our marriage when—I can't tell you the sordid story—another woman turned up and threatened him, and I happily heard of it just in time. He married her two months afterwards, and to use his own words to a friend of his, he has been in 'hell ever since.'"

"Do you write to him?"

"Don't insult me."

"Forgive me, and thank you for your confidence. How crooked life is sometimes!"

"It's not very exhilarating as one lives on."

"I don't know. It depends upon the part of ourselves which we cultivate. That is what I have been taught since I have been here. And I have got a new lease of life altogether. I feel as if I could be ready for all the blows that fate could deal me. I dare say I should crumple up when they came, but I don't know. All I do know is that I have a breadth and height of vision that I was in absolute ignorance of before."

"How do you mean?"

"I have got into touch with the Unseen."

Doreen looked at her with interest.

"Are you a spiritualist?"

"Not as you mean it. But we all belong to the Unseen, you know, and numbers of us are going into it every day."

"How strangely you talk!"

"Perhaps I'm beating round the bush," said Tomina; "it is a way we English have when we don't want to open our hearts to each other. But in simple language I have been brought into touch with God, and am beginning life again with my hand in His. You've no idea of the difference it makes in everything. I walked alone for twenty-six years of my life, and it wasn't a success, though I tried my utmost to make it so."

Doreen gazed at her gravely and thoughtfully.

"I have walked alone all my life," she said, "and shall continue to do so till the end."

"That will be a pity," said Tomina, "because I see now what a lot of happiness and sunshine we miss if we do so. And we do make a mess of things, don't we?"

"Or rather other people do it for us," said Doreen, bitterly.

They said no more. Doreen abruptly changed the conversation, and Tomina felt a great pity for her, as she saw that poor Tom had not yet taken the place of her former lover in her heart, and that the past was casting a blight over her life.

In two days' time, she left Little Honeycombe, and Tomina did not seek to detain her.

They drove together to the station, and fate did indeed seem against them when, pacing up and down the quiet little country platform, they saw Major Holme with his wife. When he saw Doreen, he lifted his hat apparently with the greatest composure. But Tomina's quick eyes noted that his hand trembled like a woman's as he held it out.

"How are you?" he said. "Who would have thought of seeing you in this part? May I introduce my wife to you?"

Doreen held herself proudly; she shook hands with him, and bowed to his wife, who was a very smart woman of fashion, but who did not bear the stamp of a gentlewoman. Then Tomina was introduced, and a few commonplace remarks were made till the train came in.

Mrs. Holme had evidently no idea who Doreen was; she suggested that they should travel together. But Doreen promptly said she was going third class, and Major Holme did not endorse his wife's request.

As he wished Doreen good-bye, a miserable, pleading look shot into his eyes. Her face was as cold and hard as steel. And when Tomina kissed her in parting, it did not relax or soften.

Tomina came home in low spirits. Doreen had told her she must come to her for a visit after she had settled in her new house, and she had promised to do so. But she still felt vexed with her for not appreciating her husband more, and she did not look forward to the visit.

A week or two later, she met Major Holme at the Hall. His wife was not with him, and he seemed a different man without her. He turned to Tomina at once.

"You and I must be friends," he said in his cheerful, hearty voice; "for I believe you know Norman, and he and I have always been pals!"

"You are coming to live at Yockley Court," said Tomina.

"Yes, we are—at least, I'm going to settle my wife in. But I am still in the Service, and have just been ordered up to Edinburgh."

"Won't your wife be lonely?"

"She says she won't. She has always been wild to possess a country house—the only thing Norman can't give us with his is a ghost. And that's a sad lack."

Tomina laughed.

"You can soon conjure up one. Have you heard from Colonel Norman lately? Do you know how his mother is?"

"About the same, he says. I heard yesterday. Funny chap, isn't he? He can alter his mode of life so extraordinarily quickly! He was just the man I should have said who would always stay in the Service and never be happy anywhere else. But he chucked it, and then came off down here and settled into a country gentleman. I came down for his shooting about a year ago, and you'd never have guessed he'd been a soldier. Never mentioned it. Now he's had to chuck the gentleman 'rôle,' and he's a sick-nurse and attendant to his mother, and I hear can't be dragged into anything out there—plays a game of golf occasionally and drops in at the club, but otherwise leads a woman's life. He and I write to each other on and off."

"I think he has been having some buffets of fate," said Tomina. "I expect his heart is still in the Service."

"Do you think so? I say, do tell me—has Miss Forrester married a relation of yours?"

"My twin brother."

"Really! Do they live in this part?"

"My brother is in the Navy. She was only staying with me; she is settling into a house somewhere in the Midlands."

Major Holme stroked his moustache thoughtfully. Tomina wondered what were his thoughts. But Sir Alfred Digby came up at that minute, and they had no more opportunity for private conversation.

She did not meet him again for some time.

The winter slowly passed. Tomina came out of her shell, joined the Rectory working party, and undertook to help Mrs. Herbert with the village clothing club every Saturday.

"I have a lot of lost time to redeem," she said to Mrs. Francis, "and if there is anything that I am capable of doing, I mean to have a try at it."

One afternoon, Mrs. Francis came to see Tomina in the dusk after tea. They were very friendly by this time, but Tomina saw from her manner that she had called for some special purpose, and she wondered what it was.

Mrs. Francis seemed a little nervous and restless. Presently she asked rather abruptly—

"Have you heard from Colonel Norman lately?"

"No," said Tomina, slightly surprised at the question. "We do not correspond."

"You are old friends, are you not? He told me so."

Tomina did not reply.

Then Mrs. Francis laid her hand softly on her arm.

"I want to tell you something. I wonder if you will give me your congratulations? We have cared for each other for some little time now, and we are going to make our engagement known."

Tomina turned to her quickly; a pink flush rose into her cheeks.

"Of course I congratulate you! I hope you will be very happy. I guessed it a short time ago."

She spoke quickly and feverishly.

Mrs. Francis gazed into the fire with dreamy eyes and a happy smile about her lips.

"You have always liked him, have you not? I was sure of your sympathy."

Wild rebellion and misery were seething in Tomina's heart. She hardly knew what she said.

Mrs. Francis's voice seemed to come to her from a great distance off, and after a few commonplace remarks, the young widow rose to go.

When Tomina had wished her good-bye, she came into her sitting-room and threw herself impulsively on her couch. Thor, seeing her face buried in the cushions, crept up to her and licked her hand. When Tomina was alone, he generally kept her company. Tomina took no notice of him at first, until he gave a low whine of perplexity and uneasiness. Then she sat up and clasped her arms round his shaggy head.

"Oh, Thor, dear Thor, you're a safe confidant! My punishment has come to me at last for my pride and indifference! I might have known my own heart before it was too late, but, oh, how fickle men are! And Major Holme was quite right; he knows him well. He has, after all his earnest protestations to me, suddenly transferred his affections. I suppose he thought, and quite rightly too, that I ought to know my own mind, and as I seemed so decided, he took me at my word. And, Thor, there hasn't been a day when I have not been thinking of him. The future seemed to hold only him in it! Aren't you sorry for me? Oh, I am sorry for myself! It is a bitter and sudden blow."

Tears dropped on the dog's head. Thor looked up with tender, speaking eyes. He knew his mistress was in trouble, and he wagged his tail to and fro and watched her intently to see if there was anything he could do to comfort or please her.

And then Susan came into the room, and Tomina sprang up with a gay laugh on her lips.

"I have heard such interesting news, Susan, but perhaps I had better not tell you yet."

"Indeed, I can guess, ma'am. 'Tis all over the village, and we're just delighted. Mrs. Francis is too good to remain a widow all her life. Now, if only you and Sir Alfred could come together, it would fit in so well, wouldn't it? And then we shouldn't lose you from amongst us."

"My dear Susan, Sir Alfred is a confirmed bachelor. You mustn't take to matchmaking. And I am cut out for a spinster's life; you won't lose me just yet, I can assure you!"

Then with a smile still on her lips and an agonising weight on her heart, Tomina went out of the room.

She found it beyond her powers to discuss Mrs. Francis's engagement with Susan.

She went early to bed that evening, but not to sleep.

Tomina had been half conscious for a long time that her feelings were undergoing a change as regards Gerald Norman. She would never have suffered so much all those years had her love for him entirely died.

As she had said to Doreen, life had lost its savour since their quarrel. And yet she had resolutely and determinedly put him, or sought to put him, out of her life. When he had insisted upon renewing their acquaintance, she had at first passionately resisted it. When later she gradually drifted into friendship, she still crushed the inclination in her heart to forgive him. Now she knew she had nothing to forgive; the pride and the wilfulness had all been on her side, and no self-respecting man could have acted otherwise than he had done. Her heart was still in his keeping. She was counting the days, too, when she might see him again. She had already pictured him in imagination once again pressing his claim upon her. This time she would yield, she assured herself; she must do so—she could not hold out any longer.

And now this blow had fallen. She was no longer enshrined in his heart. Another had taken her place. Her opportunity for yielding to his importunity would never come. He did not want her.

The shock of it stunned, bewildered her. She tossed restlessly from side to side. Sleep would not come. And then suddenly her soul found repose in prayer.

"God is my Father," she thought, and a little thrill of hope and light sprang up in her heart. "He loves me. He knows all about it. If I have lost Gerald in this life, it must be for the best reason in the world. I am not guiding my own life any longer. God is. I will trust Him. I will wait and see what comes."

In a very few moments, the tumult in her heart was stilled and she fell asleep.