Chapter XII: Africa and the Orient

Bound for Cape Town--A pleasant voyage--Ships’ games--A
contrast in voyages--“Cock-fighting” at sea--“Chalking the
Pig’s Eye”--“Swinging the Monkey”--Marine cricket--A new
kind of golf--Cycling at sea--Sweepstakes on the vessel’s run
--Races on the ocean wave--Mock breach-of-promise trials--
By bullock waggon to Kimberley--I perform before Cecil Rhodes
--Get shot in a street row--Contrast on my second visit--
The great strike riots in Johannesburg--Fire and dynamite--
A night of horror--A gay but expensive city--Dear drinks--
Performing in the back veldt--Eggs for throwing--At Pretoria
--Kruger’s house--Where Winston Churchill swam the river--
A disappointing stream--My prize giant--A Jo’burg sensation
--Buying a forty-shilling suit to measure--A disgusted tailor
--Special railway travelling--My giant proves his agility--
In Colombo--Indian fakirs--Their conjuring skill overrated
--The boy and rope trick--Two versions of a similar story--
The whole thing a fake--The evidence of H.H. the Maharajah of
Jodhpur--I offer £100 to any native who can do it--No takers
--The mango seed trick--Outwitting a fakir--“Let me plant
the seed”--The camera in action--The Tree of Life--Cobra
and mongoose fight 166

CHAPTER XIII

WHEEZES AND GAGS

The social side of music-hall life--The Vaudeville Club--A
telephone wheeze--The swanking “pro.” and his mythical salary
--About “tops” and “bottoms”--Ring up “625 Chiswick”--“Big
Fred” and Fred Lindrum--A queer billiard match--An unexpected
_dénouement_--Roberts and the Australian billiard marker--I
make of myself a human telescope--Growing to order--Willard
the original “man who grew”--Puzzling a Scotland Yard “’tec”
--My most wonderful fall--I make a “hit” in a double sense
--A Wigan wheeze--The performer who got too much “bird”--A
blood-thirsty barber--My worst insult 183