Chapter V: Act II: SCENE: The Divorce Court

MR. WHASSIT (_Agatha’s Counsel_):--a temptation which, please God, I shall never encounter myself. And further----

THE JUDGE (_testily_): Mr. Whassit, is it necessary to prolong this?

MR. WHASSIT (_firmly_): My Lord, I have a duty to my client, and----

THE JUDGE: Yes, yes, I know, Mr. Whassit. Your conduct of the case has been very proper; and, of course, if you wish to proceed, I shall say no more. But you’ve not traversed a single fact----

MR. WHASSIT (_sitting down at last_): I will leave the matter in your Lordship’s hands.

THE JUDGE: That is well.... This is an application to make absolute a decree nisi pronounced in October last. The King’s Proctor has intervened, alleging misconduct on the part of petitioner, such as would have invalidated her plea; and he has amply and abundantly proved his case. The application therefore fails, and the petitioner will pay the costs of the intervention.

But that is not all. In the course of the proceedings, which were defended, the cross-examination of the petitioner was directed towards establishing these very adulteries, which have now been proved. She denied them with vehemence, and went so far as to comment, from the witness-box, upon the propriety of counsel raising issues of the kind. Now this is a serious matter. It is one thing to make what I might call a formal denial of adultery, in an undefended case, though technically it might be perjury, and I myself should view even that with gravity; it is quite another thing in a defended case, where the matter has definitely been put in issue, to make a denial of the kind; and I cannot see how the situation differs from that of a plaintiff who comes before the court seeking relief, let us say, on a Bill of Exchange, and falsely denies an allegation of fraud, or some other invalidating factor. In both cases there may result a serious miscarriage of justice, which at least cannot be so in an undefended divorce suit, where it is to be imagined that the respondent is indifferent to the consequences.

(_Addressing Agatha at the solicitor’s table_): It has been urged most eloquently by your counsel that you had much to endure, and many temptations to the course upon which you ultimately embarked with so much recklessness. That may be so; or, again, it may not. It might be taken into account by another court, as a mitigating circumstance. But the Law, which I am here to administer, gives me, as I see it, no choice. Public morality must be vindicated; and a flagrant perjury of a kind that has become all too prevalent of late, is more than I can pass unchallenged. The papers in this case will therefore be forwarded to the Director of Public Prosecutions.

AGATHA (_hysterically_): My Lord. We--I--Oh God----

THE USHER (_sternly_): Silence.

DIGGERS (_patting her hand_): There, there, Miss Agatha. Don’t take on.

HEAVYWEIGHT (_on the other side_): My dear--don’t let’s have a scene.

HER SOLICITOR (_kindly_): Hush! You mustn’t interrupt his Lordship, you know.

AGATHA (_wildly_): But if I don’t, they’ll prosecute me!

THE USHER (_to the Serjeant of Police_): Get ’er solicitor to take ’er quietly outside. (_The Serjeant complies._)

DIGGERS (_following and moaning as he goes_): Why did you go an’ do it, Mr. ’Eavyweight, Sir? (_Wringing his hands more than ever_): Oh, Miss Agatha, Miss Agatha.

HEAVYWEIGHT (_trying hard to be brave_): Hush, Diggers, be a man. Bear up. Courage.

DIGGERS (_bursting into tears_): Oh, Mr. ’Eavyweight, Sir, ’ow could you?

HEAVYWEIGHT (_who has only done his duty_): You don’t understand, my poor fellow.... Morality demands----(_His voice breaks. They vanish in the wake of the Serjeant._)

THE REGISTRAR (_calling the next case_): Boggs versus Boggs and Boggs, Boggs intervening. (_He hands up a bundle of papers to the judge._)

A COUNSEL (_rising_): This is an application for administration _de bonis non_, my Lord. I understand----

THE CURTAIN FALLS.