Chapter III

How did it all happen? That is hard to tell because of all the guests only Verotchka's Slipper remembered just what had transpired. She was the only sensible one. She crept away under the couch just in time.

This is how it all happened. First the Wooden Blocks went up to Vanka to congratulate him. No-No-NO. That isn't how it started. The Blocks really did go up to Vanka, but the real cause of the trouble was Katya. Yes, it was all her fault. This pretty little rascal, towards the very end of the dinner, whispered to Anya:

"Anya, who do you think is the prettiest of all here?"

It was quite a simple question to ask, but Matryona Ivanovna, overhearing it, grew frightfully offended and asked Katya:

"Do you think my Petrooshka is ugly?"

"Nobody thinks that," answered Katya, trying to defend herself. But it was too late.

"Of course, his nose is too big," continued Matryona Ivanovna, "but that is hardly noticeable, if you look at him sideways. I know he has a bad habit of squealing and squabbling with people but he is really very kind. And as for brains ..."

She was unable to finish because the Dolls began to argue with so much heat that they attracted everybody's attention. The first to interfere was, of course, Petrooshka himself.

"It's true, Matryona Ivanovna," said he, "I am the handsomest here."

Then the men were all offended.

"Just listen to this conceited Petrooshka!" said they. "It's disgusting!"

Clown was not much of a talker, so he was silently offended. But Dr. Carl Ivanovitch almost shouted:

"Does that mean that the rest of us are monsters? Gentlemen, I congratulate you!"

There was great noise and confusion. Gypsy shouted something in his own language. Bear growled. Wolf howled. Gray Billy Goat bawled. Top hummed. They all shouted their offense.

"Gentlemen, stop!" pleaded Vanka. "Please pay no attention to Petrooshka. I am sure he was only jesting."

It was all in vain. Carl Ivanovitch was noisier and more excited than the rest. He even pounded his fist on the table and shouted:

"Gentlemen, this is a fine treat, I must say! We were invited here only to be told that we are monsters!"

"Ladies and gentlemen!" shouted Vanka, trying in vain to be heard. "If monsters are under discussion, there is but one monster here. It is I! Now are you satisfied?"

Then, let us see what happened next....

Carl Ivanovitch completely lost control and flew at Petrooshka, with a threatening fist.

"If I were not an educated man, knowing how to behave properly in decent society, I would say to you, 'Master Petrooshka, you are quite a fool.'"

Knowing Petrooshka's squabbling disposition, Vanka tried to get between him and the Doctor, but on his way, his fist caught Petrooshka's long nose. Petrooshka thought that it was not Vanka, but the doctor who had struck him. And that's how it all began.

Petrooshka clutched at the doctor. Gypsy, seated at one side, began without any provocation to pummel Clown. Bear threw himself with a growl upon Wolf. Top hit Billy Goat with his empty head. In a word, there was a row. Dolls squealed in their shrill voices and all three fainted with fright.

"I'm fainting," screamed Matryona Ivanovna, falling off the couch.

"Gentlemen! What does all this mean?" pleaded Vanka. "Gentlemen! Is this not my birthday? Gentlemen! This is rude!"

It was a real fight. The confusion was so great that it was impossible to tell who was beating whom. Vanka tried to separate the fighters, but it ended in his beating anybody and everybody who came within his arm's reach. And as he was the strongest, his guests came off pretty badly.

"Help! Help! Heavens' help!" cried Petrooshka, loudest of all, trying to strike the Doctor.

"They are murdering Petrooshka! Help! Help!"

Slipper was the only one who escaped the fight. She crept under the couch just in time. She closed her eyes in fear. Rabbit, seeking safety, hid inside Slipper.

"Where are you going?" grumbled Slipper.

"Keep still! They might hear us and then both of us would get it," pleaded little Rabbit, peeping through the tiny hole in Slipper's toe. "What a rascal that Petrooshka is! He beats everyone and shouts loudest of all. He's a fine guest, I must say! You know I hardly got away from Wolf. My! it's horror, just to think of it! Just see Duckling with her tiny legs up. Poor thing! She must be dead."

"How foolish you are, little Rabbit," said Slipper. "All the dolls have fainted and so has Duckling."

They fought and fought and fought until Vanka drove away all the guests except the Dolls.

Matryona Ivanovna, tired of lying in a faint, opened one eye and asked:

"Where am I? Doctor, will you see if I am still alive?"

No one answered her and Matryona Ivanovna opened her other eye. The room was empty except for Vanka, who stood in the center looking around, much astonished. Anya and Katya also revived and they, too, were amazed. Something horrible must have happened.

"You're a fine birthday child, I must say!" simultaneously exclaimed the Dolls, addressing Vanka, who did not know what to answer.

Someone hit him; he hit someone. Why? Wherefore? He did not know.

"I really do not know how it all happened," said Vanka. "The thing that hurts most is that I love them all. All without exception."

"We know how it all happened," called Slipper and Rabbit from under the couch. "We saw it all."

"It is all your fault," said Matryona Ivanovna, accusing little Slipper and Rabbit. "Of course, it is you who are to blame. You started the row and then you ran away and hid."

"They're to blame! They're to blame!" screamed Anya and Katya in chorus.

"Now I see it all," cried Vanka, joyfully. "Get out, you rascals! You only visit people to start quarrels."

Slipper and Rabbit were barely able to make their escape through the window.

"I'll teach you a lesson," threatened Matryona Ivanovna, following in their wake. "There are some nasty people in this world! Even little Duckling will agree with me."

"Yes, yes," said little Duckling. "I saw them hide under the couch." Duckling always agreed with everybody.

"Let the guests return," said Katya. "We can still have a jolly time."

The guests were all glad to come back. Some had black eyes; some limped. Petrooshka's long nose had the worst of it.

"The rascals!" all repeated in chorus, blaming Rabbit and Slipper for everything. "Who would have thought it of them!"

"Oh, I am so tired! My hands are all sore," complained Vanka. "But let us forget it and bear no grudge. Let's have music."

Once more, drum beat--rub-a-dub-dub! Trumpets blew--toot-a-toot-too! And Petrooshka shouted with all his might:

"Hurrah for Vanka!"

THE STORY OF MASTER SPARROW, MASTER STICKELBACK AND THE JOLLY CHIMNEY-SWEEP, YASHA