Chapter V

VALESQUEZ, Spanish canvas coverer. In the absence of the camera, he was appointed the court oil photographer. Exposed a portrait of Philip IV in every gallery in the world. Art textbooks think a great deal of V.

VANDERBILT, an American family of means who possess a few railroads, much of New York City, some splendid divorces, and a weakness for Newport and newspapers.

VAN DYKE, beard inventor and artist. A Dutchman who invaded England with portraits and his tonsorial achievement.

VAN HOUTEN. He was the man who put cocoa in tin boxes.

VENUS, a dream of a girl who lived long ago, posed for her statue, and had to die after everybody fell in love with her. Was born and painted at sea. Married at an early age. Was a regular heart breaker. V. had an affair with one Adonis, and later with Vulcan. Not much is known of her old-ladyhood, as she refused to pose for statues when advanced in years. Ambition: Parisian gowns, the love of the gods. Recreation: Love. Address: The Louvre, Paris. The Uffizi Gallery, Florence. Clubs: She was too good looking to be a suffragette.

VERSONNESE, Paul, decorator of the Doges Palace, Venice, and contributor to most galleries. His work was nearly as prolific as Reubens, and two or three of his paintings compare favorably with the naughty Titian.

VESPASIAN, the man who built the colosseum in Rome for the tourists.

VESPUCCI, A., an enterprising journalist who arrived on the scene after the discovery had been made. V. wrote the story in such a clever manner he succeeded in cheating the discoverer out of naming the place. (See Columbus.)

VICTOR, he was the man who put the fox terrier in front of the talking machine.

VINCI, Leonardo Da, painted Mona Lisa for the Louvre, Paris. His reputation has soared in proportion to the duration of her absence. Ambition: To be the Morgan family painter. Recreation: Looking for purchasers. Epitaph: He Has Finished His Last Supper.

VIRGIL, an old text-book writer. Had something to do with the AEneid.

VIRGIN, Vestal, an old maid of Rome who was locked up in the forum for protection. She attended the gladiatorial contests and played with her thumbs.

VITUS, Saint, dancing master whose repertoire did not include the turkey trot.

VOLTAIRE, a Frenchman who went around with a bad taste in his mouth.

VULCAN, fireman and tinsmith. Made a number of celebrated forgings. Had a career like the ancients and fell in love with Venus.

W

WAGNER, Dick, a Dutchman who wrote a few sheets of music, went into the opera business, but died before the good singers or Hammerstein prices appeared.

WALKER, Johnnie, 1820. Spent most of his life at your favorite bar until you appeared.

WALTON, Isaac, he was the fellow who started those awful fish stories.

WASHINGTON, George, child model, father, etc. Spent early days chopping trees, holding conversations with his father, killing Indians, and being brave. Later he drove those tea-selling Englishmen from the United States, said farewell to his troops, and became a politician. W. decided he was not good enough for a third term and retired. His picture has been widely distributed. Ambition: To be the happy father of a big Uncle Sam. Recreation: Powdering his wig. Address: Washington. Clubs: Anti-Ananias.

WASHINGTON, Booker T., only a distant relation of the above. A big black man who went about the country raising money to put brains into ivory. He also told his audience how unfortunate they were in not being coons. (See Uncle Tom.)

WATSON, Doctor. He boswelled Sherlock Holmes.

WEBSTER, Dan., an American statesman and a member of Congress before the invention of investigating committees. He died famous.

WEBSTER, Noah, speller, writer, reference-book maker, and language itemizer. W. was the man to whom Mark Twain paid a glowing tribute by saying he was a great writer, but his stories were too short.

WELLINGTON, Duke of, an Englishman who taught a great French general to say "Tout est perdu." He later taught England that many a good soldier makes a poor politician.

WHITEHEAD, of Fiume, Austria. Mission in life was to reduce the size of dreadnaughts.

WHITTINGTON, Richard, proprietor of a celebrated back-fence walker.

WIDOW, Merry, a dream who hung around Mr. Maxim's restaurant in Paris, made love to nobility, toured the world, and finally died. Death was caused by overexertion. Before the war she was engaged to a Balkan prince. W. visited New York, London, and Paris. Everybody fell in love with her and whistled her praises. Past: (?) Press Agent: Frank Lehar. Ambition: Millionaires. Recreation: After 11.45 P. M. Epitaph: When Will There Be Another Like Her?

WIGGS, Mrs., a woman who successfully advertised cabbages.

WILLIAMS. He was the man who ruined the shaving-mug business.

WILSON, Puddin' Head, a young lawyer who was fathered by Mark Twain. No relation to the following.

WILSON, Woodrow, one time president of an American football, educational institution, who outgrew his job. He moved up to be governor, made a few cure-all speeches, introduced Roosevelt to Bryan, changed his address to Washington. Took out a watchful, waiting policy. Is now in Who's Who, but whether he will remain in that publication or this one cannot be determined at the time of going to press. Ambition: To keep Roosevelt and Bryan running. Recreation: Teaching, Browning, other brain exercises, thinking, Congress. Address: Washington, care Joseph Tumulty. Clubs: Pedagogue, Mexican.

WINSLOW, Mrs., known over the world as the lady who soothes the baby's little tummie.

WONDERLAND, Alice of, traveless discoveress. Made a lady of the Royal Geographical Society. She was a great favorite of the children and many grown ups. She always will remain a Who's Whoess.

WOOLSEY, Cardinal, a churchman who combined politics with his profession, became wealthy, unfortunate, and was finally written up by Shakespeare.

WRIGHT, Orville, one of the inventors of the aeroplane who knows the inside of the business, and believes one life on the ground is worth two in the air.

X(13)

(13) Ed. Note: The editor is again compelled to apologize for the X's.

XENOPHON, a Greek who endeavored to introduce morals into his country. He died young.

XYLOPHONES, inventor of the xylophone.

Y

YALE, Eli, founder of the enemy of Harvard and Princeton. Football, pipe, and bulldog fancier.

YORICK, an acquaintance of Hamlet who was recognized even in an emaciated condition.

YOUNG, Brigham, the man who introduced Mohammedanism into the United States and placed Utah on the flag. When a young man he became a strong anti-monogamist. Moved west with his wives. Utah increased in population and was admitted as a state. After building a great temple, dedicated to Hymen, he died, leaving a considerable family and a few widows. Heirs: See Utah census. Ambition: London and New York in Utah. Address: Utah. Clubs: Race Suicide. Epitaph: Like Father, Like Son.

Z

ZANGWELL, Israel, a child of the Ghetto who believed the pen was more profitable than the pack. Ambition: The Promised Utopia. Recreation: Zangwell plays. Address: The Ghetto. Clubs: A. O. H.

ZANY, A., the book reviewer who said Who Was Who was the greatest book ever written.

ZEPPELIN, Ferdinand, manufacturer of wrecked dirigibles, and an aeronaut who knew how to land. Insurance still in vogue. Ambition: The elevation of the German army. Recreation: Aeronautics with the Kaiser. Address: Air. Clubs: Aero.

ZOROASTER. He was the man who introduced fires into warm countries. He also thanks the readers in the name of the Editor for their kind attention.

End of Project Gutenberg's Who Was Who: 5000 B. C. to Date, by Anonymous