Chapter VI: Act THE FIFTH: Scene I

_A Road._

_Enter three_ RUFFIANS, _dressed as Sailors_.

_1st Ruff._ Well, now, what's to be done?

_2d Ruff._ Why, we've been long upon our shifts, and after all our tricks, twists, and turns, as London was then too hot for us, our tramp to Portsmouth was a hit.

_3d Ruff._ Ay; but since the cash we touched, upon pretending to be able bodied seamen, is now come to the last shilling, as we have deserted, means of a fresh supply to take us back to London, must be thought on.

_2d Ruff._ Ay, how to recruit the pocket without hazarding the neck.

_1st Ruff._ By an advertisement posted on the stocks yonder, there are collectors upon this road; thirty guineas are offered by the quaker lady, owner of the estate round here; I wish we could snap any straggler to bring before her. A quaker will only require a yea for an oath--we might sack these thirty guineas.

_2d Ruff._ Yes; but we must take care, if we fall into the hands of this gentleman that's in pursuit of us----'Sdeath, isn't that his man, the old boatswain?

_1st Ruff._ Don't run, I think we three are a match for him.

_2d Ruff._ Instantly put on your characters of sailors; we may get something out of him: a pitiful story makes such an impression on the soft heart of a true tar, that he'll open his hard hand, and drop you his last guinea--If we can but make him believe we were pressed, we have him; only mind me.

_Enter_ JOHN DORY.

_John._ To rattle my lantern, Sir George's temper now always blows a hurricane.

_2d Ruff._ What cheer? [_To_ JOHN.

_John._ Ha hoy!

_3d Ruff._ Bob, up with your speaking trumpet.

_2d Ruff._ Do you see, brother, this is the thing--

_Enter_ SIR GEORGE, _at the back, unperceived_.

_Sir Geo._ If these should be my deserters. [_Aside._

_1st Ruff._ We three hands, just come home after a long voyage, were pressed in the river, and without letting us see our friends, brought round to Portsmouth, and there we entered freely, cause why? We had no choice, then we run. We hear some gentleman is in chace of us, so as the shot are all out, we'll surrender.

_John._ Surrender! Oh then you've no shot left indeed--let's see. [_Feels his pocket._] I hav'nt the loading of a gun about me now, and this same monsieur poverty is a bitter bad enemy.

_Sir Geo._ They are the deserters that I've been after. [_Aside._

_John._ Meet me in an hour's time in the little wood yonder; I'll raise a wind to blow you into safe latitude--keep out to sea, my master's the rock you'll certainly split upon.

_2d Ruff._ This is the first time we ever saw you; but we'll steer by your chart, for I never knew one seaman to betray another. [_Exeunt_ RUFFIANS.

_Sir Geo._ Then they have been pressed--I can't blame them so much for running away.

_John._ Yes, Sir George would certainly hang them.

_Sir Geo._ I wouldn't, they shall eat beef, and drink the king's health, run and tell them so--stop, I'll tell them myself.

_John._ Why, now you are yourself, and a kind, good gentleman, as you used to be.

_Sir Geo._ Since these idle rogues are inclined to return to their duty, they shan't want sea store--take them this money--but hold--I'll meet them myself, and advise them as I would my children. [_Exeunt severally._

SCENE II.

_A Wood._

_Enter_ ROVER, _in his first clothes, greatly agitated, with pistols_.

_Rover._ Which way did Mr. Abrawang take? Dick Buskin, I think, has no suspicion of my intentions:--such a choleric spark will fight, I dare say. If I fall, or even survive this affair, I leave the field of love, and the fair prize, to the young gentleman I've personated, for I'm determined to see Lady Amaranth no more--Oh, here comes Abrawang.

_Enter_ SIR GEORGE.

_Sir Geo._ Now to relieve these foolish seagulls--they must be hovering about this coast--Ha! puppy unknown!--

_Rover._ You're the very man I was seeking.--You are not ignorant, Mr. Abrawang--

_Sir Geo._ Mr. what?

_Rover._ You will not resign your title, ha, ha, ha! Oh, very well, I'll indulge you,--_Sir George Thunder_, you honoured me with a blow.

_Sir Geo._ Did it hurt you?

_Rover._ 'Sdeath! but let me proceed like a gentleman; as it's my pride to reject even favours, no man shall offer me an injury.

_Sir Geo._ Eh!

_Rover._ In rank we're equal.

_Sir Geo._ Are we faith? [_Smiling._] The English of all this is, we're to fight.

_Rover._ Sir, you have marked on me an indelible stain, only to be washed out by blood.

_Sir Geo._ Why, I've only one objection to fighting you.

_Rover._ What's that, sir?

_Sir Geo._ That you're too brave a lad to be killed.

_Rover._ Brave! No, sir; at present I wear the stigma of a coward.

_Sir Geo._ Zounds! I like a bit of fighting--hav'n't had a morsel a long time--don't know when I've smelt gunpowder--but to bring down a woodcock.

_Rover._ Take your ground.

_Sir Geo._ But what are we to do for weapons?

_Rover._ Here are weapons.

_Sir Geo._ Well, this is bold work, for a privateer to give battle to a king's ship.

_Rover._ Try your charge, sir, and take your ground.

_Sir Geo._ I would not wish to sink, burn, or destroy, what I think was built for good service; but, damme, if I don't wing you, to teach you better manners.

_Enter the three_ RUFFIANS, _not perceiving_ ROVER.

_3d Ruff._ Ay, here's the honest fellow has brought us some cash. [_Looking at_ SIR GEORGE.

_2d Ruff._ We're betrayed, it's the very gentleman, that's in pursuit of us, and this promise was only a decoy to throw us into his power--The pistol!

[_Apart, and pointing to it._ SIR GEORGE _ramming the charge_.

[_2d_ RUFFIAN _seizes and wrenches the piece from_ SIR GEORGE.

_Sir Geor._ Ah, boys!

_2d Ruff._ You'd have our lives, now we'll have yours.

[_Presents the piece at_ SIR GEORGE; ROVER _advances quick,
and knocks it out of his hand_.
[_They run off._

_Rover._ Rascals! [_Pursues them._

_Sir Geor._ [_Takes up the other piece._] My brave lad! I'll--[_Going._

_Enter_ JOHN DORY.

_John._ No, you shan't. [_Holding him._

_Sir Geor._ The rogues will--

_John._ Never mind the rogues--

[_Noise of fighting without, a piece let off._

_Sir Geor._ S'blood! Must I see my preserver perish. [_Struggling._

_John._ Well, I know I'm your preserver, and I will perish, but I'll bring you out of harm's way. [_Still holding him._

_Sir Geor._ Though he'd fight me himself--

_John._ Sure we all know you'd fight the devil.

_Sir Geor._ He saved my life.

_John._ I'll save your life [_Whips him up in his arms._] So hey! haul up, my noble little crab walk! [_Exit._

SCENE III.

_A Room in_ BANKS'S _Cottage_.

_Enter_ FARMER GAMMON, BANKS, _and_ SIM.--SIM _writing, and crying_.

_F. Gam._ Boy, go on with the inventory.

_Sim._ How unlucky! Feyther to lay hold of me when I wanted to practise my part. [_Aside._

_Banks._ This proceeding is very severe, to lay an execution on my wretched trifling goods when I thought--

_F. Gam._ Ay, you know you've gone up to the big house with your complaint--her ladyship's steward, to be sure, has made me give back your cottage and farm; but your goods I seize for my rent.

_Banks._ Only leave me a very few necessaries--by the goodness of my neighbours, I may soon redeem what the law has put into your hands.

_F. Gam._ The affair is now in my lawyer's hands, and plaintiff and defendant chattering about it, is all smoke.

_Sim._ Feyther, don't be so cruel to Mr. Banks.

_F. Gam._ I'll mark what I may want to keep for myself. Stay here, and see that not a pin's worth be removed without my knowledge. [_To_ SIM. [_Exit._

_Sim._ I'll be domm'd if I'll be your watch dog, to bite the poor, that I won't. Mr. Banks, as feyther intends to put up your goods at auction, if you could but get a friend to buy the choice of them for you again. Sister Jane has got steward to advance her a quarter's wages, and when I've gone to sell corn for feyther, besides presents, I've made a market penny now and then. Here--it's not much! but every little helps.

[_Takes out a small leather purse, and offers it to_ BANKS.

_Banks._ I thank you, my good natured boy; but keep your money.

_Sim._ Last summer, you saved me from being drowned in black pool, if you'll not take this, ecod, in there I'll directly fling it, and let old nick save it from being drowned, an'he can. [_Going._

_Banks._ My kind lad, then I'll not hurt your feeling, by opposing your liberality. [_Takes it._

_Sim._ He, he, he! you've now given my heart such a pleasure as I never felt, nor I'm sure feyther afore me.

_Banks._ But, Sim, whatever may be his opinion of worldly prudence, still remember he's your parent.

_Sim._ I will--"One elbow chair, one claw table." [_Exit, writing, and_ BANKS.

_Enter_ AMELIA.

_Amelia._ The confusion into which Lady Amaranth's family is thrown by the sudden departure, and apprehended danger of her young cousin, must have prevented her ladyship from giving that attention to our affairs, that I'm sure was her inclination. If I can but prevail on my brother too, to accept her protection--I can't enjoy the delights of her ladyship's hospitable mansion, and leave him here still subject to the insults of his churlish neighbour--Heavens! who's this? [_Retires._

_Enter_ ROVER _hastily, his hair and dress much disordered_.

_Rover._ What a race [_Panting._] I've at last got from the blood hounds! Ah, if old Abrawang had but followed and backed me, we'd have tickled their catastrophes; but when they got me alone, three upon me were odds, so, safe's the word--who's house is this I've dash'd into?--Eh! the friendly cottage of my old gentleman! Are you at home? [_Calls._] Gadso! I had a hard struggle for it; yes, murder was their intent, so it was well for me that I was born without brains, I'm quite weak, faint! [_Leans against the wall._]

_Amelia._ [_Advancing._] Sir, an't you well? [_With concern._]

_Rover._ Madam, I ask pardon,--hem, yes, ma'am, very well, I thank you--now exceeding well--got into a fray there, in a kind of a hobble with some worthy gentlemen; only simple, honest farmers. I fancy mistook me for a sheaf of barley, for they down with me, and then thresh'd so heartily, gad, their flails flew merrily about my ears, but I up, and when I could no longer fight like a mastiff, why, I--run like a greyhound--But, dear ma'am, pray excuse me. Egad, this is very rude, faith.

_Amelia._ You seem disturbed, [_With emotion._] will you take any refreshment?

_Rover._ Madam, you're very good.--Only a little of your currant wine, if you please; if I don't forget, it stands--just--[_Points_--AMELIA _brings some from a beaufet._] Madam, I've the honour of drinking your health. [_Drinks._]

_Amelia._ I hope you're not hurt, sir.

_Rover._ "A little better, but very weak still"--I had a sample of this before, and liked it so much, that, madam--"Won't you take another?"

_Amelia._ Sir!

_Rover._ Madam, if you'd been fighting, as I have, you'd--well, well, [_Fills and drinks._] now I'm as well as any man--"In Illyria," got a few hard knocks though.

_Amelia._ You'd better repose a little, you seem'd much disorder'd coming in.

_Rover._ [_Places a chair, and both sit._] Why, ma'am, you must know thus it was--

_Enter_ SHERIFF'S OFFICER.

_Off._ Come, ma'am, Mr. Gammon says this chair is wanted to make up the half dozen above. [_Lays hold of_ AMELIA'S _chair, she rises terrified_.]

_Rover._ What, what's all this?

_Off._ Why the furniture's seized on execution, and a man must do his duty.

_Rover._ Then, scoundrel, know, that a man's first duty is civility and tenderness to a woman.

_Amelia._ Heavens! where's my brother? This gentleman will bring himself into trouble.

_Off._ Master, d'ye see, I'm representative for his honour the High Sheriff.

_Rover._ Every High Sheriff should be a gentleman, and when he's represented by a rascal, he's dishonour'd.--Dem it, I might as well live about Covent Garden, and every night get beating the watch; for here, among groves and meadows, I'm always squabbling with constables. [_Whips up a stick from a corner of the room, and holds it behind him._]

_Off._ Come, come, I must--

_Rover._ "As you say, sir, last Wednesday, so it was"--Sir, your most obedient, humble servant--[_Bows respectfully._] Pray, sir, may I take the liberty to know, have you ever been astonished? [_With great ceremony._]

_Off._ What?

_Rover._ Because, sir, I intend to astonish you; my dear fellow, give me your hand. [_Takes his hand, and beats him_--] Now, sir, you are astonished?

_Off._ Yes; but see if I don't suit you with an action.

_Rover._ "Right, suit the action to the word, the word to the action;" "See if the gentlewoman be not affrighted"--"Michael, I'll make thee an example."

_Off._ Yes, fine example, when goods are seized here by the law, and--

_Rover._ "Thou worm and maggot of the law!" "Hop me over every kennel, or you shall hop without my custom."

_Off._ I don't value your custom.

_Rover._ You are astonished, now I'll amaze you.

_Off._ No, sir, I won't be amazed--but only see if I don't--

_Rover._ Hop!

[_Exit_ OFFICER _muttering and bullying, yet frightened_.

Stop, ma'am, these sort of gentry are monstrous bad company for a lady--So I'll just see him to the door, and then I'll see him outside the door.--Ma'am, I'm your most obedient humble servant. [_Bows respectfully, and exit hastily_.]

_Amelia._ I feel a strange curiosity to know who this young gentleman is. I find my heart interested, I can't account for--he must have known the house by the freedom--but then his gaiety, (without familiar rudeness) native elegance of manners, and good breeding, seem to make him at home any where.--My brother, I think, must know--

_Enter_ BANKS _hastily, and agitated_.

_Banks._ Amelia, did you see the young gentleman that was here? Some ruffian fellows, and a posse of the country people have bound and dragged him from the door, on the allegation of three men, who mean to swear he has robbed them; and they have taken him to Lady Amaranth's.

_Amelia._ How! He did enter here in confusion as if pursued; but I'll stake my life on his innocence. I'll speak to Lady Amaranth, and in spite of calumny, he shall have justice--he would not let me be insulted, because he saw me an unprotected woman, without a husband or a son, and shall he want an advocate? Brother, come. [_Exeunt._

SCENE IV.

LADY AMARANTH'S.

_Enter_ JANE, _with a light_.

_Jane._ I believe there's not a soul in the house but myself; my lady has sent all the folks round the country to search after the young 'squire, she'll certainly break her heart if any thing happens to him; I don't wonder, for surely he's a dear, sweet gentleman: the pity of it is, his going spoils all our fine play, and I had just got my part quite by heart; however, I must do the room up for Mr. Banks's sister, that my lady has invited here. [_Adjusts her toilet._

_Enter_ EPHRAIM SMOOTH.

_Eph._ The man John Dory has carried the man George hither in his arms, and has locked him up. Coming into the house, they did look to me like a blue lobster with a shrimp in his claws--Oh, here is the damsel I love, and alone.

_Jane._ They say when folks look in the glass, at night, they see the black gentleman.

[_As she is looking in a glass_, EPHRAIM _goes and peeps over
her shoulders; she screams_.

_Eph._ Thou art employed in vanity.

_Jane._ Well, who wants you?

_Eph._ It is natural for woman to love man.

_Jane._ Yes; but not such ugly men as you are. Why would you come in to frighten me, when you know there's nobody here but ourselves.

_Eph._ I am glad of that. I am the elm and thou the honey suckle; let thy arms entwine me.

_Jane._ Oh, what a rogue is here! but yonder comes my lady, and I'll show him off to her in his true colours. [_Aside._

_Eph._ Clasp me around.

_Jane._ Well, I will, if you'll take off your hat, and make me a fine low bow.

_Eph._ I cannot bend my knee, nor take off my beaver.

_Jane._ Then you're very impudent--go along.

_Eph._ But to win thy favour. [_Takes off his hat, and bows._

_Jane._ Now kneel down to me.

_Eph._ I cannot, but one lovely smile may smile me down. [_She smiles, he kneels._

_Jane._ Well, now, read me a speech out of that fine play-book.

_Eph._ I read a play! a-bo-mi-na-ti-on!--But, Jane, wilt thou kiss me?

_Jane._ I kiss a man! a-bo-mi-na-ti-on! [_Mimicking._] but you may take my hand--

_Eph._ Oh! 'tis a comfort to the lip of the faithful. [_Kisses her hand._

_Enter_ LADY AMARANTH.

_Lady Am._ How! [_Taps him gently on the shoulder, he looks up confounded._] Ah, thou sly and deceitful hypocrite!

_Eph._ Verily, Mary, I was buffetted by Satan, in the shape of a damsel.

_Lady Am._ Begone!

_Eph._ My spirit is sad, though my feet move so nimble. [_Exit very slow._

_Lady Am._ But, Oh, Heavens, no tidings of my dearest Henry! Jane, let them renew their search.

_Jane._ Here's Madam Amelia, you see I've got her room ready; but I'll go make brother Sim look for the young 'squire. [_Exit._

_Enter_ AMELIA.

_Amelia._ Oh, madam, might I implore your influence with--

_Lady Am._ Thou art ill accommodated here; but I hope thou wilt excuse--My mind is a sea of trouble, my peace shipwrecked--Oh, friend, hadst thou seen my cousin Harry, thou too, all who knew him, must be anxious for his safety.

_John._ [_Without._] Heave a-head.

_Enters with_ SIR GEORGE.

_Sir Geo._ Rascal! whip me up like a pound of tea, dance me about like a young bear, make me quit the preserver of my life! yes, puppy unknown will think me a poltroon, and that I was afraid to follow, and second him.

_John._ Well, you may as well turn into your hammock; for out to-night you shall not budge--[_Sees Amelia._] Oh! marcy of Heaven! isn't it--Eh, master? Only give one look.

_Amelia._ [_Seeing_ SIR GEORGE.] My husband!

[_Swoons_; LADY AMARANTH _supports her_.

_Sir Geo._ 'Tis my Amelia!

_John._ [_Stopping_ SIR GEORGE, _and looking attentively at_ AMELIA.] Reef the foresail! first, you cracked her heart by sheering off, and now you'll overset her by bringing to.

_Lady Am._ Hold--soft!

_Amelia._ Are you at length returned to me, my Seymour?

_Lady Am._ Seymour! her mind is disturbed, this is mine uncle, Sir George Thunder.

_John._ No, no, my lady, she knows what she's saying very well.

_Sir Geo._ Niece, I have been a villain to this lady, I confess. But, my dear Amelia, Providence has done you justice in part. From the first month I quitted you, I have never entered one happy hour on my journal; hearing that you foundered, and considering myself the cause, the worm of remorse has gnawed my timbers.

_Amelia._ You're not still offended with me?

_Sir Geo._ Me! can you forgive my offence, and condescend to take my hand as an atonement?

_Amelia._ Your hand! Do you forget that we are already married?

_Sir Geo._ Ay, there was my rascality.

_John._ You may say that.

_Sir Geo._ Hold your tongue, you impudent crimp, you pander, you bad adviser--I'll strike my false colours--I'll now acknowledge the chaplain you provided was--

_John._ Was a good man, and a greater honour to his black, than your honour has been to your blue cloth--Eh, by the word of a seaman, here he is himself.

_Enter_ BANKS.

_Sir Geo._ Your brother!

_Banks._ Captain Seymour! have I found you, sir?

_Sir Geo._ My dear Banks, I'll make every reparation.--Amelia shall really be my wife.

_Banks._ That, sir, my sister is already; for when I performed the marriage ceremony, which you took only as the cloak of your deception, I was actually in orders.

_John._ Now, who's the crimp, and the pander? I never told you this since; because I thought a man's own reflections were the best punishment for betraying an innocent woman.

_Lady Am._ Madam, my inmost soul partaketh of thy gladness, and joy for thy reformation. [_To_ SIR GEORGE.] But thy prior marriage to this lady, annuls the subsequent, and my cousin Harry is not now thy heir.

_Sir Geo._ So much the better; he's an unnatural cub; but, Amelia, I flatter myself I have an heir, my infant boy.--

_Amelia._ Ah, husband, you had; but--

_Sir Geo._ Gone! well, well, I see I have been a miserable scoundrel --Eh, I will, yes, I'll adopt that brave kind lad, that wou'dn't let any body kill me but himself. He shall have my estate, that's my own acquisition--My lady, marry him, puppy unknown's a fine fellow! Amelia, only for him, you'd never have found your husband Captain Seymour in Sir George Thunder.

_Amelia._ What?

_Banks._ Are you Sir George Thunder?

_Enter_ LANDLORD, _followed by_ EPHRAIM.

_Land._ Please you, madam, they've got a footpad in custody.

_Eph._ I am come to sit in judgment, for there is a bad man in thy house, Mary. Bring him before me.

_Sir Geo._ Before you, old squintabus? And perhaps you don't know I'm a magistrate?

_Eph._ I'll examine him.

_Sir Geo._ You be damn'd--I'll examine him myself, [_Shoves_ EPHRAIM.] Tow him in here. I'll give him a passport to Winchester bilboes.

_Amelia._ [_Kneels to_ SIR GEORGE.] Oh, sir, as you hope for mercy, extend it to this youth; but even should he be guilty, which, from our knowledge of his benevolent and noble nature, I think next to an impossibility, let the services he has rendered to us--he protected, relieved your forsaken wife, and her unhappy brother, in the hour of want and sorrow.

_Sir Geo._ What, Amelia, plead for a robber! Consider, my love, justice is above bias or partiality. If my son violated the laws of his country, I'd deliver him up a public victim to disgrace and punishment.

_Lady Am._ Oh, my impartial uncle! Had thy country any laws to punish him, who instead of paltry gold, would rob the artless virgin of her dearest treasure, in the rigid judge I should now behold the trembling criminal.

_Enter_ TWITCH, _with_ ROVER _bound, who keeps his face
averted, and Two_ RUFFIANS.

_Eph._ [_Advances._] Speak thou.

_Sir Geo._ Hold thy clapper thou--Who are the prosecutors?

_Eph._ Call in--

_Sir Geo._ Will nobody stop his mouth? [JOHN DORY _pushes him up against the wall_.] Where are the prosecutors?

_Twitch._ There, tell his worship, the justice.

_2d Ruffian._ A justice--Oh! the devil! I thought we should have nothing but quakers to deal with. [_Aside._] Why, your honour, I'll swear--[_In a feigned country voice._

_Sir Geo._ [_Looking at them._] Oh, ho! Clap down the hatches, secure these sharks.

_Rover._ I thought I should find you here, Abrawang, and that you had some knowledge of these fellows.

_Lady Am._ Heavens! my cousin Harry--[_Aside._]

_Sir Geo._ The devil! isn't this my spear and shield?

_John._ [_Advances._] My young master--Oh! what have you been at here? [_Unbinds_ ROVER.]

_Enter_ HARRY.

_Harry._ My dear fellow, are you safe.

_Rover._ Yes, Dick, I was brought in here very safe, I assure you.

_Harry._ A confederate in custody below has made a confession of their villainy, that they concerted this plan to accuse him of a robbery; first for revenge, then, in hope to share the reward for apprehending him: he also owns they are not sailors, but depredators on the public.

_Sir Geo._ Keep them safe in limbo. [_Ruffians taken off._]--Not knowing that the justice of peace, whom they've brought the lad now here before, is the very man they attacked, ha, ha, ha! The rogues have fallen into their own snare.

_Rover._ What, now, you're a justice of peace; well said, Abrawang!

_Amelia._ Then, Sir George, you know him too?

_Sir Geo._ Know puppy unknown! to be sure.

_Rover._ Madam, I am happy to see you again. [_To_ AMELIA.]--Ah, how do you do, my kind host? [_Shakes hands with_ BANKS.

_Lady Am._ I rejoice at thy safety--Be reconciled to him. [_To_ SIR GEORGE.

_Sir Geo._ Reconciled!--If I don't love, respect, and honour him, I should be unworthy of the life he rescued. But who is he?

_Harry._ Sir, he is--

_Rover._ Dick, I thank you for your good wishes; but I am still determined not to impose on this lady--Madam, as I at first told this well meaning tar, when he forced me to your house, I am not the son of Sir George Thunder.

_John._ No! Then I wish you were the son of an admiral, and I your father.

_Harry._ You refuse the lady? To punish you, I've a mind to take her myself.--My dear cousin--

_Rover._ Stop, Dick.--If I, who adore her, won't, you shall not. No, no; madam, never mind what this fellow says, he's as poor as myself--Isn't he, Abrawang.

_Harry._ Then, my dear Rover, since you are so obstinately disinterested, I'll no longer teize my father, whom you here see, and in your strolling friend, his very truant Harry, that ran from Portsmouth school, and joined you and fellow comedians.

_Rover._ Indeed!

_Harry._ Dear cousin, forgive me, if, through my zeal for the happiness of my friend, I endeavoured to promote yours, by giving you a husband more worthy than myself. [_To_ LADY AMARANTH.

_Rover._ Am I to believe! Madam, is your uncle, Sir George Thunder, in this room?

_Lady Am._ He is.--[_Looking at_ SIR GEORGE.

_Rover._ 'Tis so! You, in reality, what I've had the impudence to assume! and have perplexed your father with my ridiculous effrontery. --[_Turns to_ JOHN DORY, _angry_.] I told you, I insisted I wasn't the person you took me for, but you must bring your damned chariot! I am ashamed and mortified. Madam, I beg to take my leave.

_Eph._ Thou art welcome to go.

_Rover._ [_Bows._] Sir George, as the father of my friend, I cannot lift my hand against you; but I hope, sir, you'll apologize to me. [_Apart._

_Sir Geo._ Ay, with pleasure, my noble splinter--now tell me from what dock you were launched, my heart of oak?

_Rover._ I've heard, in England, sir; but from my earliest knowledge, till within a very few years, I've been in the East Indies.

_Sir Geo._ Beyond seas? Well, and how?

_Rover._ It seems I was committed an infant to the care of a lady, who was herself obliged by the _gentle_ Hyder Ally, to strike her toilet, and decamp without beat of drum, leaving me a chubby little fellow squatted on a carpet. A serjeant's wife alone returned, and snatched me off triumphant, through fire, smoke, cannon, cries, and carnage.

_Lady Am._ Dost thou mark? [_To_ AMELIA.

_Amelia._ Sir, can you recollect the name of the town, where--

_Rover._ Yes, ma'am, the town was Negapatnam.

_Amelia._ I thank you, sir.

[_Gazes with delight and earnestness on_ ROVER.

_Rover._ An officer, who'd much rather act Hotspur on the stage, than in the field, brought me up behind the scenes at the Calcutta theatre--I was rolled on the boards, acted myself into the favour of a colonel,--promised a pair of colours; but, impatient to find my parents, hid myself in the steerage of an homeward bound ship; assumed the name of Rover, from the uncertainty of my fate, and, having murdered more poets than Rajahs, stept on English ground, unincumbered with rupees or pagodas. Ha, ha! Wou'dst thou come home so, little Ephraim?

_Eph._ I would bring myself home with some money.

_Amelia._ Excuse my curiosity, sir; what was the lady's name in whose care you were left?

_Rover._ Oh, ma'am, she was the lady of a Major Linstock: but I heard my mother's name was Seymour.

_Sir Geo._ Why, Amelia!

_Amelia._ My son!

_Rover._ Madam!

_Amelia._ It is my Charles! [_Embraces him._

_Sir Geo._ Eh!

_John._ [_Sings and capers, claps_ EPHRAIM _on the shoulders_.] Tol, lol, lol, though I never heard it before, my heart told me he was a chip of the old block.

_Amelia._ Your father!--[_To_ ROVER, _pointing to_ SIR GEORGE.

_Rover._ Can it?--Heaven! then have I attempted to raise my impious hand against a parent's life!

_Sir Geo._ My dear brave boy! Then have I a son with spirit to fight me as a stranger, yet defend me as a father.

_Lady Am._ [_Takes him by the hand._] Uncle, you'll recollect 'twas I, who first introduced a son to thee.

_Sir Geo._ And I hope you will next introduce a grandson to me, young slyboots. Harry, you've lost your fortune.

_Harry._ Yes, sir, but I've gained a brother, whose friendship (before I knew him to be such,) I prized above the first fortune in England.

_Rover._ My generous friend--My dearest Rosalind!

_Amelia._ Then, will you take our Charles? [_To_ L. AMARANTH.

_Lady Am._ Yea; but only on condition thou bestowest thy fortune on his friend and brother, mine is sufficient for us, is it not?

_Rover._ Angelic creature!--to think of my generous friend--But now for "As you like it." Where's Lamp and Trap--I shall ever love a play--a spark from Shakspeare's Muse of Fire, was the star that guided me through my desolate and bewildered maze of life, and brought me to these unexpected blessings.

To merit friends so good, so sweet a wife,
The Tender Husband be my part for life;
My Wild Oats sown, let candid Thespian laws
Decree that glorious harvest,--your applause.

THE END.

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE

Contemporary spellings have been retained, even where inconsistent. In a very few instances, missing punctuation has been added.

Two corrections were made to the text:

In Act I, Scene 1, "Ill" was changed to "I'll" in Jane's
sentence: "I'll tie your neck in a big beau".

In ACT I, Scene 2, a second, superfluous instance of the
word "my" was deleted from Rover's exclamation: "'Pon my
soul"