Chapter IX: Sentence Vigor

Good sentences are characterized by correctness and clearness, but the best sentences possess a third quality. Effective sentences must entertain, persuade, or convince. To do these things, they must be graceful, vivid, forceful, and emphatic presentations of the writer’s ideas. The quality which makes correct and clear sentences effective is called vigor.

=500. To emphasize pointedly, place material in a sentence by itself.=

_Unemphatic._ The city council is determined to stop jaywalking
at the east entrance of the campus, and to attain this end
has adopted a plan that calls for restricting pedestrians to
clearly marked lanes that cross Clinton street at right angles.

_Emphatic._ The city council is determined to stop jaywalking
at the east entrance to the campus. To attain this end,
the council has adopted a plan that calls for restricting
pedestrians to clearly marked lanes that cross Clinton street
at right angles.

_Revise._ I used to think that sleeping accommodations at
fraternity houses were inadequate, but I don’t now.

=501. Divide a sentence that seems too long.=

_Repellant._ The collections at the museum, which is the most
important in the world, are in two divisions, one for the
public and the other for the use of specialists, some of whom
come from great distances to avail themselves of the unequalled
collections set apart for their use.

_Attractive._ The collections at the museum, which is the
most important in the world, are in two divisions, one for
the public and the other for the use of specialists. Some
specialists come from great distances to avail themselves of
the unequalled collections set apart for their use.

_Revise._ That there will be no tolerance of laxity on the
part of the freshmen concerning the observance of this decree
was assured by the strong language of the order, which first
pointed out that the wearing of the green cap by first year men
was a college tradition and must be upheld, then explained that
the wearing of the cap was left to the honor of every freshman,
who was expected to purchase one and use it according to the
rules of the past two years, which state that the cap must
be worn every day until six o’clock at night, when it may be
changed for the more common headgear.

=502. Condense wordy sentences.=

_Meandering._ At a recent meeting of the men’s glee club, it
was decided to increase the membership of the organization from
thirty-two men to forty men.

_Succinct._ The men’s glee club recently decided to increase
its membership from thirty-two to forty.

_Revise._ The names of the candidates for class offices were
announced Wednesday by the election committee. There are
thirty-six candidates for office.

=503. Consolidate two or more short, jerky sentences into one smooth sentence.=

_Jerky._ The annual interfraternity pajama race was run on
Sheridan road Monday night. The event took place at eleven
o’clock. It was hotly contested by five fraternities. The Sig
Alphs won a shivering victory.

_Smooth._ The Sig Alphs won a shivering victory on Sheridan
road at eleven o’clock Monday night, when they defeated four
rival teams in the annual interfraternity pajama race.

_Revise._ The natives boil the chopped leaves to a syrup. This
is poured into a monkey skin. The liquid is then allowed to
cool and harden.

=504. Vary the structure of successive sentences.=

_Monotonous._ Around the sides of the armory on the floor were
booths separated by curtains. In each one of the booths was
suspended a small red incandescent light. Around the hall at
various places were jars containing burning incense.

_Pleasing._ Around the sides of the armory on the floor were
booths separated by curtains. A small red incandescent light
was suspended in each booth. Incense burned in jars at various
places around the hall.

_Revise._ The oldest book in the university library, to the
best knowledge of the librarians, was printed in 1511. The book
was written by Johannes von Kaiserberg Geiler, a preacher of
the reformation who was born about the middle of the fifteenth
century. This old work is entitled _Navicula Sive Speculum
Fatuorum_, which translated means, _The Ship or Mirror of
Fools_. It is written in Latin and contains many curious and
interesting wood cuts. The book is made up largely of sermons.

=505. Begin successive sentences with different words.=

_Dreary._ D is the minimum standard for a passing grade. D
students compose approximately the lowest twenty-five per cent
of every class. D work is that work which is not up to average,
and yet is clearly above failure.

_Pleasing._ D is the minimum standard for a passing grade.
Students who are marked D compose approximately the lowest
twenty-five per cent of every class. The grade D means that a
student’s work is not up to the average, and yet is clearly
above failure.

_Revise._ The military carnival was the largest exhibition of
its kind ever attempted at the college. The seats were all
filled, and the crowd was kept at a high point of interest
throughout the entire show. The whole program was arranged
in such a manner that at no time was there a lull in the
activities. The opening number was a concert by the military
band. The physical training exercises which followed were of
the type in which the regiment itself gives the commands and
then executes them. The most spectacular feature of the program
was the advance to attack.

=506. Vary the length of successive sentences.=

_Monotonous._ The new building being erected south of the
engineering building will be occupied Monday for the first
time. Partition siding has held up the work to some extent.
Fifteen hundred feet of partition material is still to be laid.
Painting is progressing steadily. The steam fitters’ work is
nearly completed. Work done after Monday will be carried on by
a night shift. Some work on the halls can be done during class
hours. Workmen say that the building was erected in record
breaking time. It has taken less than a month to complete the
job.

_Pleasing._ The new building being erected south of the
engineering building will be occupied Monday for the first
time. Partition siding has held up the work to some extent, and
fifteen hundred feet of partition material is still to be laid.
Painting is progressing steadily, and the steam fitters’ work
is nearly completed. Work done after Monday will be carried on
by a night shift, although some work on the halls can be done
during class hours. Workmen say that the building was erected
in record breaking time. It has taken less than a month to
complete the job.

_Revise._ The seven-hundred-word sentence used by the
legislature, however, is merely an example of the prevalent
tendency of people to disregard the elementary principles of
composition and grammar. Everyone may have a faint recollection
of having studied, at some remote period of his career, the
important rules of “unity, mass, and coherence.” But in actual
practice one too often falls into the habit of expressing
thoughts in a rambling and unconnected flow of words, with
the expressions embellished by slang and colloquial terms.
Individuals use many words, but they usually say little, and
the small germ of thought is often hard to find.

=507. Turn a loose sentence into a periodic sentence.=

_Feeble._ The new engine will replace the present engine in
case of necessity.

_Forceful._ In case of necessity, the new engine will replace
the present engine.

_Revise._ This is not a student organization although the
majority of its members are federal board students.

=508. End a sentence with a striking word.=

_Lifeless._ Bring along a team that will be able to force these
boys to their utmost as no team has yet been able to do.

_Striking._ Bring along a team that will do what no other team
has yet been able to do, force these boys to their utmost.

_Revise._ We should win Saturday’s game whether Minot can play
or not.

=509. Use climactic order in a series of words, phrases, clauses, or sentences.=

_Bungling._ I have been so often reformed, regenerated, reborn,
amended, and corrected that only with difficulty can I look an
honest sinner in the face.

_Brilliant._ I have been so often amended, corrected, reformed,
regenerated, and reborn that only with difficulty can I look an
honest sinner in the face.

_Revise._ Their clothing is not sufficient for bodily comfort
and is also far from presentable.

=510. Put the most significant idea near the beginning or the end of a sentence.=

_Weak._ The first speaker on the program was Dean Willard L.
Sperry, who gave a short talk.

_Strong._ Dean Willard L. Sperry opened the program with a
short talk.

_Revise._ There are more than six hundred courses offered to
students in the college of liberal arts.

=511. Keep closely related grammatical elements together.=

_Awkward._ Cards will be distributed from eight to eleven
this morning by members of the registrar’s staff at the east
entrance of the natural science building to the hundreds of
students who have returned during the past few days.

_Well-knit._ From eight to eleven this morning, members of
the registrar’s staff, stationed at the east entrance of the
natural science building, will distribute cards to the hundreds
of students who have returned during the past few days.

_Revise._ This will, it is hoped, help the voter to select the
men and women who are real leaders on the campus.

_Revise._ I want to most emphatically state that I do not
believe a Union of South America is possible.

_Revise._ Appointment of George Hanby and Walter G. Phillips
to confer with the president concerning the loan that is being
made by the trustees to aid worthy students in meeting their
necessary college expenses was made Wednesday.

=512. Put the main idea in the main clause.=

_Characterless._ The first talk of the series was given Tuesday
morning, in which he made the point that it is man’s nature to
pray.

_Animated._ Tuesday morning in the first talk of the series he
made the point that it is man’s nature to pray.

_Revise._ He had saved $1,500,000 when one day his office boy
ushered in a man who showed him a diamond of great value.

=513. Put a subordinate idea into a subordinate construction.=

_Ungainly._ Peet took Mead’s place at halfback last night and
scored two touchdowns.

_Graphic._ After taking Mead’s place at halfback last night
Peet scored two touchdowns.

_Revise._ Great stress will be laid upon the application of
these tests in the future; the people of this country spend
millions of dollars each year in giving musical training to
children who have no talent for music.

=514. Write simply.=

_Affected._ Suffice it, that I am saving the best for the last.

_Natural._ I am saving the best for the last.

_Revise._ The river is too cold for careless plunges, and
death-dealing cramps and chills may lead to drownings for those
who beware not the perils that lie in April waters.

=515. Avoid the use of far-fetched synonyms.=

_Silly._ Fraternities can be a great force for the good of the
college and for the good of the Greek letter man.

_Natural._ Fraternities can be a great force for the good of
the college and for the good of the fraternity man.

_Revise._ More interest is being shown in the manly art this
year than has been shown in any past season.

=516. Be definite and particular.=

_Colorless._ Many booklets were sent to freshmen before they
came to college.

_Vivid._ Fifteen hundred copies of the _Freshman Handbook_ were
sent during July to as many prospective freshmen.

_Revise._ Last year several fraternities were put on probation.

=517. Use parallel constructions for parallel ideas.=

_Jumbled._ The speaker compared college students in their
search for an education to the processes used by a tree to gain
its food.

_Clear-cut._ The speaker compared a college student in search
of an education to a tree in search of food.

_Revise._ To be narrow is to be a helpless journalist.

=518. Repeat a prominent word or phrase for greater emphasis.=

_Weak._ Farsighted citizens of the town are realizing more than
ever the possibility of the university’s becoming one of the
first universities in America, not only in enrollment but also
in scholastic standing.

_Strong._ Farsighted citizens of the town are realizing more
than ever the possibility of the university’s becoming one of
the first universities in America, first not only in enrollment
but first also in scholastic standing.

_Revise._ The progress in French affairs has always been
slow—sometimes too much so.

=519. Avoid the monotonous repetition of words, phrases, or even syllables.=

_Flat._ The stiff collars that are being shown for formal
evening wear are the wing collars.

_Skilful._ Stiff wing collars are being shown for formal
evening wear.

_Revise._ In the senior class the race for president will be a
close one, as Burgess, Elwood, and Sampson are expected to run
a close race.

_Revise._ The county superintendents who will gather here for
the conference will in part comprise the group of participants
in the huge birthday party of the college of education.

=520. Avoid tautology.=

_Uncouth._ These concerts are open to the public, and everyone
is invited.

_Pithy._ These concerts are open to the public.

_Revise._ Dean Smith is a native of Ohio and was born in
Central City.

_Revise._ Classes in folk dancing will start Monday morning at
nine A.M.

_Revise._ The coeducation of both sexes is making remarkable
headway in this country.

_Revise._ She is the widow of the late Colonel Ralph H.
Robinson.

_Revise._ Let’s us go.

=521. Avoid pleonasm.=

_Stupid._ As I enter on this famed profession I see the
mistakes of others.

_Terse._ As I enter this famed profession I see the mistakes of
others.

_Revise._ There is an average of 55,000 kilowats used monthly.

=522. Avoid the use of the same word in two senses in the same sentence, or in sentences near together.=

_Clumsy._ Because there is no school available, school will be
dismissed next week.

_Graceful._ Because no building is available, school will be
dismissed next week.

_Revise._ The girls may survive whacks with hockey clubs and
yet not be able to stand the severe test of initiation into M.
C. club.

=523. Keep the same metaphor throughout the sentence.=

_Lame._ Mrs. Mondell had the edge in the race until
circumstances forced her to show her hand.

_Sprightly._ Mrs. Mondell had the game won until circumstances
forced her to show her hand.

_Revise._ Pronouncements against the League of Nations suddenly
lose their cloak of virile Americanism and savor only of party
politics when the state department places the stamp of its
approval on the Chester oil concessions.

=524. Avoid incongruous metaphors.=

_Absurd._ The two hundred freshmen took their new places after
the first melee was staged.

_Picturesque._ The two hundred freshmen took their new places
after the resounding blows of the first melee ceased.

_Revise._ Walter Scannell, sporting editor of the _News_, will
act as referee.

=525. Sentences should sing.=

_Crude._ Such a critic fails to consider the fraternity spirit
of the group—the avowed aim of the group.

_Rhythmical._ Such a critic fails to consider the avowed aim of
the group, its fraternal spirit.

_Revise._ Neither is it always wrong, be it remembered.

=526. Put an epigrammatic idea into a balanced sentence.=

_Unskilful._ The essential things in life are the ones that
count, and the essential thing in education is to find that.

_Adroit._ The essential thing in education is to find the
essential things in life.

_Revise._ Tenure here depends not upon the quality of fur in
your coat but upon the quality of your thinking apparatus.

=527. Make the most vivid verb in a sentence the predicate.=

_Dull._ He was found circling a piece of furniture in the
center of the room.

_Lively._ When found he was circling a piece of furniture in
the center of the room.

_Revise._ They went home, stumbling from one side of the street
to the other.

=528. Use the active voice rather than the passive.=

_Spiritless._ The glucose was heated and then applied to the
blindfolded freshmen.

_Stirring._ The sophomores heated the glucose and applied it to
the blindfolded freshmen.

_Revise._ The article appearing in the Firing Line column last
Sunday above my name was not written by me.

=529. Substitute a clause or a dependent phrase for an awkward absolute phrase.=

_Involved._ What he said about the work was favorable, he being
a man who leans to censure rather than to praise.

_Straightforward._ What he said about the work was favorable,
for he is a man who leans to censure rather than to praise.

_Revise._ His work having been done he stopped.

_Revise._ It being his first visit to the city, he was
interested in the many large houses.

=530. Avoid successive subordinations similar in form and dependent one on another.=

_Awkward._ I have an economics instructor who is a middle-aged
man who has had ten years’ experience as vice-president of a
bank in New York City.

_Smooth._ I have an economics instructor who is a middle-aged
man with ten years’ experience as vice-president of a bank in
New York City.

_Revise._ He eventually tired of the life of a mere henchman of
the political boss of the Sixteenth ward.

=531. Avoid successive _but_ or _for_ clauses.=

_Jerky._ But when I had gone about a mile I thought I could go
no farther, but I kept on.

_Smooth._ When I had gone about a mile I thought I could go no
farther, but I kept on.

_Revise._ I wanted to leave town, for I was disgusted with the
place, for I had not made a single friend.

PRACTICE

1. Football is a game for the psychologist, and recognizing this coaches in the past few years have paid an increasing amount of attention to the mental attitude of their players. (500)

2. The freshmen gathered at Lake Austin in the afternoon to plan the bombardment of B hall, and in spite of the fact that the excitement on the campus during the early evening promised an interesting conclusion to the day’s events, nothing unusual happened to break the monotony until half past two in the morning, when word was brought to the waiting sophomores that the freshmen had assembled on Brackenridge field and were preparing for the attack. (501)

3. Francis Neilson will give a talk at eleven Wednesday morning in the room of the historical society. He will talk on contemporary political and economic problems. (502)

4. The Y.M.C.A. membership contest has been finished. It extended for three weeks. Keen interest was shown by the rivals for first place. Reuben Melin won, and Clarence Koski was second. (503)

5. The programs for the hop have attractive covers of gold felt with a black “I” in the center. Ogle’s ten-piece orchestra will furnish music for the dance, which will be in Varsity hall. Coach and Mrs. George D. Hanshaw and Prof. and Mrs. Oscar J. Walters will chaperon. The money cleared from the hop will buy blankets for the sixteen men who won football letters. (504)

6. It will be some time before the new plans are ready. It is not known just where the new biological building will be located. It was first proposed to place the building at the northwest corner of the campus. (505)

7. To advocate the use of good English both in speaking and in writing, does not necessarily mean that one is a stickler for all the technical rules and eccentricities of the grammarian. Although a semicolon once figured as the essential question in a noted lawsuit in Texas, a person may overlook many of the rules of punctuation and still not cause any great harm to himself or to his associates. A split infinitive may be the bane of an English instructor’s life, but that error does not damn an individual to eternal perdition. The use, however, of accurate and clear English, in the larger meaning of the term, should be encouraged as a matter of efficiency as well as of refinement. (506)

8. Bauer is disgusted with the world, like many writers of his class. (507)

9. Football is a great game, there is no denying that. (508)

10. Sometimes the girls become so interested in the work that they cast aside their forceps and handle earthworms, sheep eyes, pig hearts, grubs, frogs, and starfish with their fingers. (509)

11. He said that to be a successful engineer imagination and precision are necessary. (510)

12. A number of paintings, both in oil and in water color, including works by Rembrandt, Rubens, Van Dyck, Turner, Guido Reni, and other old masters as well as several canvases by more modern painters were the gift of Mrs. Mark Swanson. (511)

13. The first issue of uniforms was made Wednesday, when 237 men were equipped. (512)

14. Twenty-five candidates for membership in the University Players were recommended by the judges at the tryouts and were later elected. (513)

15. It may be understood that the successful end of such a lengthy piece of work, which involves factors that are undreamed of by those inexpert in such matters, is hailed by an author with joy. (514)

16. It is safe to say that a better trained group of gridiron warriors never donned the moleskins. (515)

17. Although the declamatory contest is only a few days off, very few students have entered their names with Miss Hogan. (516)

18. He agrees to furnish each child with a complete outfit and a promise to replace all lost balls. (517)

19. There is no underlying motive or problem to be solved, no lesson to be taught, or moral to be drawn from the story. (518)

20. The game with Illinois is the Homecoming game and should be one of the big games of the year. (519)

21. Dean Walter S. Anthony was present and spoke about the future of engineering education. (520)

22. The party will be in the form of a costume affair. (521)

23. Any pledge leaving college before she is initiated shall be considered released from her pledge at the end of one calendar year from the date of pledging. (522)

24. With seemingly every other subject run into the ground, fairy tales are now to receive a black eye. (523)

25. An audience of 30,000 saw the Thanksgiving Day game. (524)

26. From New Haven a menacing growl comes. (525)

27. Some institutions had a crop of traditions before this state had even a corn crop. (526)

28. The person selling the largest number of subscriptions was Mary Rowe. (527)

29. Music by Sousa’s band was supplied between the halves. (528)

30. Both rear tires having been punctured, my fingers were all thumbs, it being my first race. (529)

31. He is the man that bought the house that stood on the lot that was next to ours. (530)

32. This gave the man receiving the ball better protection, but left an opening for passes, but Solon did not have a play to use. (531)