Chapter IV: Part 4

"Aw dooant see ha aw could do that, lass, for tha nivver gives me a chonce to forget thi unless its when awm asleep, an net oft then, for if tha doesn't want one thing tha wants another, an awm allus fain to do what aw con for thi, but tha'rt nivver satisfied for long together. Aw wonder sometimes what aw gate wed for."

"Aw've been wonderin that for a deal o' years. Th' fact is aw dooant know what sich chaps live for. If aw wor a man aw should like to be able to luk back an think awd done a gooid turn to mi fellow-man."

"Aw think aw did that when aw wed thee."

"It wor th' best thing tha ivver did for thisen, an tha knows it! But awm net gooin to waste mi time tawkin to thee for tha arn't worth it. Has ta made up thi mind what tha'rt baan to have for thi supper?"

"Owt 'll do for me."

"As tha seems to care soa little abaat it, suppooas tha gooas withaat for a change."

"All reight, lass. Just do as tha likes."

"Aw connot do as aw like, if aw could aw should have summat to ait, for aw've hardly put a bite into mi heead this day, an ther's nowt ith' haase aw can touch, an awm too tired to goa aght for owt, an aw've nubdy to send, soa aw'st ha to do withaat as usual."

"If tha'll nobbut say what tha wants aw'll fotch it for thi if its to be had; tha knows that."

"Well, if tha doesn't mind. Aw think we could booath enjoy a bowlful o' mussles,--but they mun be gooid ens an aw dooant think tha knows th' shop. They call th' chap 'at keeps it Jim Nation, but aw dooant know whear it is, but tha can easy find aght."

"Willn't onny other shop do just as weel?"

"Noa, another shop willn't do becoss aw want th' best. We allus pay ready brass for awr stuff an aw dooant like to think at other fowk get better sarved; an when aw went for th' milk this mornin aw heeard Mistress Whitin tawkin to Widdy Baystey an shoo sed, 'my husband's getten mussels twice as big sin he went to Jim Nation's shop,' an aw want some oth' same sooart."

"Gie me summat to put 'em in," sed Grimes, "aw'st sooin find it for ther isn't monny fish-shops i' Bradforth."

"Well, luk as sharp as tha can," sed Mally, "an be sewer they're fresh."

Grimes set off an Mally began at once to get th' table laid for th' supper.

Befoor Grimes had gooan varry far he thowt his wisest plan wod be to ax somdy. Soa seein a poleeceman he made enquiries.

"Aw dooant know exactly," sed th' bobby, "but aw fancy ther's a chap o' that name keeps a shop somewhere up Manningham way."

Soa Sammywell set off i' that direction, keepin his een oppen for a fish shop. After he'd gooan ommost a mile he sed,

"Awm a fooil for commin all this way, for if awd nobbut gien it a thowt aw'st ha known ther wor noa shop o' that sooart up here. Mi best plan wod ha been to goa to th' market an enquire thear. They'd be sewer to know," soa he walked back agean, but he made a few enquiries as he went along, but nubdy seemed to know.

Just as he'd getten to Westgate he saw Tom Taggart an he felt sewer he'd know, for he seemed to spend his time trailin abaat th' streets.

"Hallo, Tom!" he sed, "tha'rt just th' chap aw wanted to see! Can ta tell me whear Jim Nation keeps his fish shop?"

"Jim Nation?" sed Tom, rubbin his chin,--"Let me see. Are ta sewer it's a fish shop?"

"Aw should think it is for he sells mussels."

"O,--hi, tha'rt reight. It is a fish shop. What did ta say wor th' chap's name?"

"Jim Nation."

"O,--Jim is it? Tha'rt sewer it isn't 'Tom'?"

"Noa, it's Jim."

"It isn't Sam Shackleton tha meeans, is it? He sells fish sometimes."

"Aw tell thi his name's Jim Nation."

"O,--well,--then it willn't be Sam Shackleton. Awm like as if aw know th' chap tha meeans but aw connot spot him this minnit. Let's goa into th' 'Star' an mak some enquirements, ther's sewer to be somdy 'll know him."

Soa into th' 'Star' they went, an Tom called for a pint for hissen an axt Grimes what he wor gooing to have. "We connot come in an goa aght drymaath, tha knows," sed Tom, soa Grimes ordered twopenoth an paid for booath. Then they axt ivverybody if they knew whear Jim Nation's fish shop wor, but altho two or three on em believed they'd seen it, nubdy could tell whear.

"We'd better have another drink an sit daan a bit," sed Tom, "ther'll be sewer for somdy to come in at'll know."

But Sammywell worn't havin onny moor o' that sooart, so he left em. When he wor aght ith' street ageean, he scrat his heead an sed summat he shouldn't.

"What a lumpheead aw am! Why didn't aw goa to ax Mistress Whitin at furst, an save misen all this bother?" an he started at once for her haase.

He faand her sittin sewin,--for ther's little or noa trade dooin in a milk shop after drinkin time.

"Wod yo be soa gooid, Mistress Whitin, as to tell me whear Jim Nation has his fish shop?"

"Fish shop.--Jim Nation.--Nay, Mr. Grimes, awm sooary to say aw connot. It's nowhear abaat here, that awm sewer on. Has he been ith' trade long?"

"Well, this is the degger! Aw've happen getten th' wrang name; but awm sewer that's what Mally tell'd me. But yo happen willn't mind tellin me whear yo're husband buys his mussels?"

"Mussels! My husband nivver buys onny mussels. If he does he taks em somewhear else to cook, for we havn't had sich a thing i' awr haase aw couldn't tell th' time when. Awm feeard on 'em. Yo must be mistakken."

"Well, ther's a mistak somewhear,--that's a sartanty. My best plan will be to goa back hooam an see if aw can get some better information."

"Tha's been a long time, Sammywell;--had ta onny trubble to find th' shop?"

"Shop! Ther isn't sich a shop! Aw've walked monny a mile an axt scoors o' fowk, an my belief is at tha's just been makkin a laffinstock on me. Mistress Whitin says shoo nivver heeard tell o' sich a chap nor shop nawther."

"Then hasn't ta browt onny?"

"Ha the dickens could aw bring onny when aw tell thi aw couldn't find th' shop!"

"A child o' four year old could goa a eearand better nor thee! If awd sent Jerrymier he'd ha browt em an they'd ha been cook't an etten befoor nah."

"Well, it isn't too lat to send Jerrymier yet. But aw tell thi Mistress Whitin says ther isn't sich a shop, an they nivver had a mussel i' ther haase sin they wor born nor for years befoor that!"

"Ov course shoo'd say soa! That shows th' depth on her. Shoo wants to have th' best o' ivverything for hersen. But aw'll goa an see if shoo'll tell sich a tale to me. Her's isn't th' only milk shop i' Bradforth, an aw'll nivver buy another drop on her as long as aw live. An if shoo doesn't mind what shoo's dooin aw'll put th' inspector onto her, for its moor watter nor milk at aw've been gettin thear for a long time."

Mally threw a shawl ovver her heead an tuk th' basket, an called for Jerrymier, so as he could carry it for her, an away they went.

Mistress Whitin wor sittin just as Sammywell had left her, an wor runnin ovver in her mind th' names ov all th' fowk she knew at kept fish shops. When Mally stept in shoo didn't nooatice at shoo wor varry excited soa shoo sed,

"Come in, Mally;--awm just studyin abaat what yo're Grimes wor axin me two-or-three minnits sin."

"It needs noa studyin abaat. Yo know what he axt yo weel enuff, but yo dooant want to tell. Aw've allus takken yo to be a varry different sooart ov a woman. Didn't aw hear yo, wi mi own ears, tellin owd Widdy Baystey,--noa longer sin nor this mornin, at sin yor husband began gooin to Jim Nations at he gate mussels twice as big as at onny other shop? Nah, deny it if yo can. Aw dooant see what ther is to laff at nawther."

"Why, Mistress Grimes, yo've made a sad mistak. Aw wor nobbut advisin Mistress Baystey to let her lad,--him at's so waikly,--to goa th' Gymnasium. Sin my husband started o' gooin he's twice as strong as he wor, an th' muscles ov his arms are twice th' size they used to be. Yo see its been all a mistak."

It tuk Mally a minnit or two befoor shoo could reckon things up fairly, but as sooin as shoo did shoo laft too, an then takkin Jerrymier bith arm started off to find th' nearest fish shop.

They hadn't far to goa, but when shoo axt th' chap ha he wor sellin his mussels, he stared at her wi' all th' een in his heead.

"Mussels! Ther's noa mussels at this time oth' year," he sed.

Mally lukt flummuxt for a minnit, then givin Jerrymier a shillin to goa to th' pooarkshop for a duzzen sheep trotters, they sooin landed safely hooam.

"Noa wonder tha didn't bring onny mussels, Sammywell, for they arn't i' season, but aw've browt summat aw know tha likes. Here Jerrymier, tak these for thisen, an dooant be long befoor tha'rt i' bed."

Ha they enjoyed ther supper aw can nobbut guess, an what explanation shoo gave Grimes aw dooant know, but Jerrymier an his gronfather wor laffin fit to split th' next mornin, at th' yard botham.

Bob Brierley's Bull Pup.

Bob Brierley had been wed three months. He wor a book-keeper an a varry daycent chap for owt aw knaw to th' contrary. His wife wor a nice young thing, an blest wi a gooid share o' common sense. It seems strange, but yo'll find its generally th' case, at th' best lasses wed th' biggest fooils. But this isn't allus soa, for aw wed one o'th best misen.

Hasumivver, Bob an his wife wor varry happy, at leeast they thowt soa, but they had to have a taste o' trubble like th' rest o' fowk.

They'd noa childer, nor onny signs o' onny, but they had a bull pup. It wor a gooid job i' one respect at they had this pup, for if they hadn't aw should ha been short ov a subject to write abaat.

Whether it had etten summat at upset it stummack, or whether it grew sick o' seein them fondlin an messin wi one another aw dooant know, but ther's noa daat abaat it bein sick.

This didn't bother Bob varry mich;--men havn't sich tender feelins as wimmin, but Angelina, (that wor wife's name, but her husband called her Angel) wor i' sooar trubble. Shoo gave it castor oil, an hippi-kick-yor-Anna, an coddled it up i' flannel, an cried ovver it, an when Bob coom hooam to his drinkin, an grumeld becoss it worn't ready, shoo called him a hard hearted infidel.

Bob didn't quite like it, but seein at shoo wor soa put abaght, he made shift wi sich things as wor handy, an then tuk his share o' nursin wol Angel cook'd a beefsteak for hersen.

But i' spite ov all they could do, it just fittered once an gave a farewell yelp, and deed. It wor a sorrowful neet. Whether they lost onny sleep ovver it aw dooan't know, but next mornin Angelina sed shoo'd "had its voice ringin in her ears all th' neet, an shoo thowt shoo'd nivver get ovver th' loss on it."

"Oh, we'st get ovver it i' time," sed Bob, "it nobbut cost ten an sixpence, an when aw get mi wage advanced aw'll buy another."

Angelina made noa reply to what shoo considered a varry unfeelin remark, an for th' furst time durin ther wedded life shoo began to suspect at Bob wor noa better nor th' rest o' fowk.

"What mun we do wi th' little darlin?" shoo axt.

"Why, chuck it i'th middin," sed Bob, an then seein a luk ov horror coom ovver her face, "unless tha intends to have it stuffed, or mak sawsiges on it."

This wor moor nor Angelina could stand, an sinkin into th' rockin cheer, shoo wod ha fainted reight away, but happenin to see th' clock, shoo saw it wor time for Bob to start for his wark, an he couldn't stop to bring her raand, soa shoo had to pospone faintin till another time.

"Happen awd better bury it i'th garden," he sed, "it willn't tak a minnit."

"E'e! nay!" shoo sed, "aw'll lap it up i' some nice clean newspaper, an tha mun tak it wi thi, an when tha finds a nice secluded spot, whear it can rest peacefully, lay it to rest."

"All reight, lass! put it on th' table wol aw goa for mi hat an coit," sed Bob, "an dunnot freeat."

Angelina lapt it carefully up, an sat daan to have a gooid cry, an Bob coom rushin daan, feeard he'd be lat, tuckt th' bundle under his arm an set off intendin to drop it into th' furst ashpit he coom to.

He passed monny a one, but ther wor allus somdy abaat, an he couldn't get a chonce o' gettin shut on it, an he wor foorced to tak it to th' office wi him. This didn't trubble him varry mich, for he'd allus a hawf an haar for his lunch at twelve o'clock, soa he detarmined he'd dispooas on it then, an i'th meantime, he put it in a cubboard i'th office, whear it wodn't be seen.

It seem'd to Bob at moor fowk went to th' cubboard that mornin nor had ivver been to it befoor.

"Its time this cubboard had a clean aght," sed th' manager as he wor huntin for a book, "it smells like a vault."

Bob tremeld, but all passed off safely. Twenty times during that mornin he wor put in a sweeat wi' furst one an another, but twelve o'clock coom at last, an waitin till tother clarks had gooan, he grabbed his parcel, an jumpt in th' furst tramcar he saw,--luckily ther wor nobbut one man inside an he wor readin a paper,--soa puttin his parcel i'th opposite corner, he jumpt off at the next stoppin place. He started off at full speed an wor just beginnin to smile at his own clivverness, when somdy shaated.

"Hi! Hi, thear!" an turning to luk, he saw a man rushin towards him holdin his parcel.

"You forgot your parcel, young man," he said, puffin an blowin, "it was lucky I happened to see it!"

Bob sed "thank yo" as weel as he could, an then sed summat else, which aw willn't repeat, an tuckin it under his arm, he went to th' place whear he usually gat his breead an cheese an his glass o' bitter.

He sat in a quiet corner, an one bi one th' customers went aght, an thinkin he saw a favourable chonce, he put his bundle on th' seeat, and threw a newspaper carelessly ovver it, supt up--an when he thowt nubdy wor lukkin he quietly left it an wor sooin back in his office, feelin wonderfully relieved. But he hadn't seen th' last on it even then.

All wor quiet except for th' scratchin o' pens, for th' maister wor sittin at his private desk, when a redheeaded lad,--Bob thowt he wor th' ugliest lad he'd ivver seen in his life,--coom in grinnin, an sydlin up to him, an holdin th' parcel at arms length, as if he wor feeared o' bein bitten, he sed, "th' lanlord o'th 'Slip Inn' has sent this,--he says yo left it on th' seeat."

Bob snatched it aght ov his hand an put it in his desk, but th' lad still stood grinnin.

"Dooan't aw get owt for bringin it? Aw know what it is, an aw should think its worth summat."

Bob's face wor as red as a hep, an th' sweeat wor like dew on his forheead,--th' leeast coin he had wor a shillin, but he put it into his hand an bundled him aght, wol th' maister gave him a luk at made him uncomfortable for th' balance o'th day.

When five o'clock set him at liberty, he tuk his parcel once moor an started for hooam; but ther wor a grim luk ov determination on his face.

"Aw'll get rid o' thee this time, if aw have to walk twenty mile to find a place," he sed. "Th' chap aw bowt thee on, sed ther wor nowt like a bull pup for stickin, an tha's stuck to me wi a vengence. Aw wodn't goa throo another day like this for all th' bull pups i' Bulgaria! An if Angelina ivver perswades me to buy another aw hooap they'll call me bull pup for th' rest o' mi days!"

He'd nearly getten hooam, when he coom to th' corner ov a small croft, an as ther wor nubdy abaat he dropt it ovver th' wall; an mutterin summat throo his teeth, an shakkin his fists, he went hooam, but net i'th sweetest o' tempers.

Angelina lukt him up an daan, an in a surprised voice axt, "Hasn't ta browt it back?"

"Browt it back! Browt what back? Does ta think awm daft?"

"Why, then what's to be done? Ther's nowt to cook for thi drinkin!"

"Drinkin! What's that to do wi it? Tha sewerly didn't think o' cookin--"

"Aw thowt when tha fan aght th' mistak tha'd ha sent it back."

"Mistak! What are ta drivin at? What wi th' bull pup an thee yu'll send me wrang i' mi heead!"

"Why, didn't ta know at tha'd taen th' wrang parcel? Tha tuk th' leg o' lamb at th' butcher's lad had just browt, an left th' poor dog on th' table!"

"Th' deuce aw did? What's ta done wi it?"

"Aw gave a man sixpence to tak it away. But whear's th' leg o' lamb?"

"Hold on a minnit! It's nooan far off."

An withaat another word he started off, an as luck let, it wor just whear he dropt it. He oppened th' parcel to mak sewer it wor all reight, an then he set off back.

"Well, if onnybody had tell'd me at aw wor sich a fooil as net to be able to tell th' difference between a leg o' lamb an a bull pup aw wodn't ha believed em;--but th' best on us are fooils sometimes."

"Here it is, Angelina,--cut off a steak or two an let's have summat to get th' taste o' that bull pup aght o' mi maath! Awm sooary at tha's lost thi pet, but tha munnot tak it too mich to heart."

"Me! Net aw marry! Awm rare an fain its gooan for little dogs mak a deal o' muck:--An somtime,--ther's noa knowin, ov coarse--but it may be,--mind, nobbut say it may,--we may have summat else to nurse at'll suit us better nor a bull pup."

Troubles and Trials.

Did it ivver occur to yo 'at if it wor as easy to shake off unpleasant acquaintences as it is to shak a carpet, what a dust ther'd be i'th world?

It doesn't do to want to get rid ov a thing just becoss it isn't to yor likin. Its advisable sometimes to have disagreeable things handy to give a relish to what's moor appreciated, tho less sowt after. Ivverybody will admit th' advantages ov gooid health, but nubdy can appreciate it like one 'at's been sick. It's th' circumstances 'at surraand th' cases 'at accant for th' opinions we form.

If rich fowk sympathised as mich wi poor fowk, as poor fowk envy rich fowk, ther'd be noa poverty. We all know that. But then it's what will nivver happen.

A chap 'at's worried to deeath becoss his stocks or shares have dropt fifty per cent connot enter into a poor woman's anxiety abaat flaar or mait gooan up a penny a paand. What's nobbut an inconvenience to one is starvation to another.

Ther's a deeal o' difference between poetry an philosophy, an aw connot help thinkin 'at if poor fowk had less poetry an moor philosophy, an rich fowk had visa versa, we should get nearer level an all be better for it. If we could nobbut get ovver that waikness ov worshipin a chap for what he has raythur nor for what he is we could simplyfy th' social problem.

"Riches may depart,
Hopes dissolve in air,
But an honest heart
Still may laugh at care."

But ther's monny an honest heart 'at hasn't getten a laff left in it. They know bi bitter experience, 'at

"The smiling lips decieve us,
With words that woo and win;
Our friends betray and leave us
When darker days begin."

But haivver dark th' prospect may be he's a fooil 'at gives way to despair. Haivver bad things are, they mud be war; an when a chap ends his life to get rid ov his trubbles, th' chonces are at th' tide wor just abaat to turn if he could nobbut ha had pluck to wait.

Th' trubbles we have are seldom soa heavy 'at we connot bear em, tho it may be hard wark, but when we're a bit cast daan, we dooant freeat hawf as mich abaat what we have to put up wi, as to what's gooin to happen. Imaginary evils are allus war to bide nor th' trubbles we railly have.

"Let to-morrow take care of to-morrow,
Leave things of the future to fate,
What's the use to anticipate sorrow?
Life's troubles come never too late.

If to hope over much be an error
'Tis one that the wise have preferred
And how often have hearts been in terror
Of evils that never occurred?"

Ther's summat for yo to think abaat, an let th' July sunshine enter into yor hearts. It'll help to chase away th' claads o' care, an maybe, buried hooaps may yet blossom into a harvest ov happiness an joy.

Fortun, they say knocks once at ivvery man's door, but varry oft th' man doesn't happen to be in, an i' that case he sends his dowter, but ther's nubdy getten a welcome for Miss Fortun, but once shoo gets in, shoo's a beggar to stick. Better try to mak friends wi th' old man.

Earnin' a Honest Penny.

Sarah's that agravatin' sometimes, wol aw feel as if it wod do me gooid to hav a reight swear at her--an' aw should do it, if it wornt for th' fact at awr Tom's wed a lass at has a uncle 'at's a deacon at a chapil, an' when a chaps respectably connected like that, aw think its as weel to be a bit careful ov his tawk.

Nah aw'll gie yo a' instance, awd had a five bob bet on wi' a chap called Uriah Lodge, it wor abaat hah mich a pig he wor baan to kill wod weigh when it wor dressed, an' aw won. Uriah promised to pay mi o' Sundy mornin', but insteead o' th' brass, ther coom'd a letter throo him to say 'at he'd been havin' a tawk wi' a district visitor abaat it, an this chap had soa convinced him o' th' evils o' bettin', 'at he'd decided at he wodn't pay me, for if he did it wod do violence to his conshuns, but if aw liked he'd send mi a fry o' pigs livver asteead. "Conshuns," aw sed, "it's mooar like at it'll do violence to his britches pockets, aw willn't have onny ov his muky pigs livver."

"What's to do nah," Sarah axed.

Soa aw tell'd her all abaat it, an ov cooarse aw expected at shoo'd side wi' me,--but noa, shoo sed,

"Awm sewer aw respect Uriah for th' cooarse he's pursuin', aw hooap it'll be a lesson to yo--what wor yo baan to do wi' th' brass?"

"Aw wor baan to buy a paand o' bacca wi' it," aw sed. Then shoo started abaat bettin', an' horse racin', an' smookin', an' aw dooant know what moor--yo'd a thowt aw wor th' warst chap i' all Maant Pleasant if yo'd heeard her: an' shoo ended up wi' sayin' 'at shoo wished awd be a bit mooar like a chap 'at lives next door to us called Martin Robertshaw.

"He doesn't bet," shoo sed, "he doesn't smook, hes a daycent gradely lad is Martin, he wor off at hawf past eight this mornin' daan to th' Sundy Schooil--yo'll nivver catch him drinkin' at public haases an' bettin' abaat deead pigs--his missis is a lucky woman if ivver ther wor one."

Its noa use i' th' world tawkin' to Sarah when shoo gets reight on, soa aw nivver spake a word wol shoo'd finished, an' then aw sed,

"Have yo finished yor sarmon, missis?"

"Yes," shoo went on, "it's noa gooid tawkin' to sich as yo, it's nobbut wastin' breeath, yo'll goa yor own gate aw expect i' spite o' all aw can say."

"Well," says I, "it's hawf past twelve, lets have us dinners for awm dry after this storm, an' as its a fine day we'll goa up to th' top o' Beacon Hill for a walk an' see th' view o' th' taan."

Soa we had us dinner an set off.

Beacon Hill's weel known i' Halifax, it soars up at th' bottom o' th' taan as bare an' bald as a duck egg; ther's norther a tree, nor a shrub, an' aw dooant think thers a blade o' grass that even a moke wod ait, unless it belanged to a Irishman an' wor hawf clammed. It lets th' east wind on to th' taan throo a hoil at one end, an it keeps th' mornin' sun off, an' hides th' evenin' mooin. It grows nowt nobbut stooans covered wi' sooit, an' smook throo th' gas haase hangs ovver it all day long like a claad. But up at th' top thers some stooan delves, an' a field or two whear they say reeal grass grows, an' i' support o' this noashun somdy's had th' cheek to turn hawf a dozen cows aght, an' let 'em pretend to graze,--of cooarse its all mak believe, for they mun gie th' poor brewts summat to ait beside, or else th' inspector for crewelty to annimals wod have been daan on em befoor nah.

It's a long gate up Beacon Hill--yo goa up New Bank an' ovver Godly Brig, in between th' Bloody Field an' Saint Joseph's Schooil, an' then reight up to th' top, an' if it wornt for th' fact at thears a gooid few public haases o'th road aw dooant think 'at Sarah wod ivver have getten to th' top at all; for shoo wor tuk bad wi' th' spasms jist at th' side o' th' Pine Apple, an shoo had attacks ivvery few minnits wol we gate to th' Albion, which is th' last licensed haase; but bi gooid luck they didn't coom on after that, for as thers noawhear to get her onny thing comfortin' if shoo'd been tuk agean, aw dooant know whativver aw should ha done.

Well, we gate to th' top at last, an' sat daan to luk at th' view. It's reight grand, an them at hasn't seen it should goa bi all means at once. Yo can see all ovver th' taan--monny a thaasand chimleys all smokin' at once, an' scoars o' mill's, an' ivvery nah an' then when th' wind blows th' reek away, yo can see th' Bastile as plain as owt.

As we wor sittin' daan to rest we heeard sumdy tawkin' jist ovver th' wall, soa we kept still a bit, an' varry sooin we heeard as mich cursin' an' swearin' as owt to have filled a faandry for a wick.

"Whativver is ther to do," sed Sarah, "lets have a luck?"

We gate up, an' went an' luk'd throo a hoil i' th' wall, an' thear daan in a bit ov a holler, soa 'at they couldn't be seen, wor abaat twenty gurt strappin' young fellers tossin' coppers.

We hadn't been lukkin' moor nor a minnit or two, when a man wi' a red beeard coom runnin' daan th' hill an' stopt abaat ten yards throo whear th' chaps wor laikin' at pitch an' toss, an' he started o' writin' summat daan in a book.

"Bobbies!" a chap shaated aght, an i' hawf a minnit ther wor nubdy to be seen, nobbut th' new comer, for ivvery one on 'em had hooked it as fast as if th' owd chap wor after 'em.

Then th' feller sammed up th' coppers, an' coom'd reight to whear we wor, an' climbed ovver th' wall. He wor laffin like owt. When he'd getten on to th' side whear we wor, he luk'd a bit surprised to see us, but he sed nowt--soa Sarah axd him if be wor a poleeceman, an' if he wor baan to report 'em at th' Taans Hall?

"Net aw," he sed, "awm noa bobby awm not, aw nobbut did it to flay 'em."

"But yo gate ther brass," aw sed.

"For sewer aw did," says he, "aw mak a day's wage at this trade ivvery Sundy, it's th' best payin' professhun aght--aw gate seventeen pence this mornin' at Ringby, an ther's eighteen pence here, that's three bob nobbut a penny. Last Sundy aw addled three an' ninepence, at Siddal an' Whitegate. Ther soa flayed if onnybody starts o' writin', 'at they hook it like a express train, for they think yor takkin ther names daan."

When he'd sed this he brust aght laffin agean, an' sed to me, "Dooant yo' knaw me?"

"Noa," aw sed, "but aw seem to knaw yor voice."

Then he ax'd Sarah if shoo didn't knaw him nawther?

"Aw've nivver clapt een on yo' befooar," Sarah sed.

He laft as if he wor baan to split for a bit, an' then he sed, "Luk here, but yo' munnot split," an' he pull'd off his gurt red beard, an' awm blow'd if it worn't Martin Robertshaw, th' chap 'at lives next door to us.

Aw wor soa capt yo' could ha' shoov'd him ovver wi' yor little finger, an' Sarah leaned up agean th' wall, an' aw thowt th' spasms wor comin' on agean; but aw wor mista'an, for they didn't, at least not wol we gate daan to th' Albion once mooar.

"Aw promised my missis a sewin' machine," Martin went on, "an' as brass is soa hard to addle just nah, aw've had to start i' this line, an' it pays weel to, an' ther's noa danger abaat it. A chap has to put his hand to owt nah days to earn a honest penny--aw doan't call it chaitin' to ease sich as yond on ther brass. But aw mun be off, aw've to goa daan to Shibden yet, an' bizness befoor pleashur's my motto. An' he run daan th' hill callin' aght 'at we worn't to tell his missis 'at we'd seen him.

"Nah then, lass," aw sed, "yo' wor sayin' a bit sin' 'at yo' wished aw wor a bit mooar like yon chap,--what do yo' say nah?"

"Well," Sarah sed, "aw willn't say at aw exactly approve ov his goins on, but onnyhah, yo'll admit at he's gettin' th' brass for a gooid purpose; aw tell'd yo' at his wife wor a lucky woman, an' aw stick to mi words."

"Then aw suppooas if awd sed aw wor baan to buy yo' a new bonnet wi' Uriah Lodge's five bob, it 'ud hey been awl reet?"

"Circumstances alters cases as th' sayin' says," Sarah went on, "but yo' wor baan to spend it i' baccy, an' aw shall still stick to what aw sed this morn, 'at bettin's reeal wicked; but coom on, for aw feel as if th' spasms wor comin' on mi agean, awm awl ov a tremmel, an' tawkin maks mi war."

So we went daan to th' Albion, an' then hooam.

We wor just gooin to bed that neet, when Missis Robertshaw coom in, to ax Sarah to lend her a rubbin bottle.

"Is somdy hurt?" Sarah ax'd.

"It's Martin," shoo sed, "he wor gooin daan to Shibden this afternooin, to visit one ov his Sundy skollards 'ats badly; an' he happened bi ill luck to coom on a reg'lar lot o' idle young fellers at wor laikin at pitch an' toss. Martin connot bide wickedness o' noa sooart, soa he stopt to tell 'em hah sinful gamblin' wor, 'specially on a Sundy, an' hah mich better for 'em it 'ud be, if they'd put ther hard-addled brass into th' Savins Bank, but asteead o' takkin his gooid advice, they set on him an' beat him black an blue, an' robbed him o' three bob 'at he had in his pockit, 'at had been subscribed for th' missionarys at th' Sundy skooil."

"Is he mich war?" aw axed.

"His Sundy coit's all tore to ribbons, an his ankles sprained; one o' his front teeth is knocked clean aght, an' his watch is gooan. Aw shall be only too thankful if he gets to his wark in a fortneet."

"Hev yo' telled th' perleece?" Sarah sed.

"Noa," shoo sed, "it wodn't be noa sooart o' use tellin' them chaps, they're too lazy to do owt nobbut draw ther wage,--besides, Martin's that forgivin', 'at he says he'd rayther suffer i' silence nor let onnybody be punished on his accant--but aw mun be off." An' shoo went aght wi' th' bottle.

"Ther's a deal o' humbug i' this world," Sarah sed, when th' woman wor gooan, "awm glad he's getten catched at last, aw mak nowt o' sich decaitful fowk, robbin' poor people o' ther brass,--it's little enuff 'at we can finger honestly nah a days. Aw've been wantin a new bonnet monny a week--Missis Lupton's getten one, an' shoo's getten a faal face to put inside ov it two, an aw dooant like to be bet bi a woman like that,--soa if yo' can get that five bob thro' Uriah, it'll come in handy. Aw've sed times an times agean, 'at them Lodges wor th' nearest fowk i' all Maant Pleasant, an' fowk owt to pay ther debts, whether it's bettin or whether it isn't."

"Aw'll see him to morn."

"That's reight, lad, do, an' let's goa to bed nah, for we shall have a rare gas nooat this quarter if we sit up like this."

Th' Next Mornin'.

Aw'll nivver get druffen noa mooar,
It's th' last time is this, an that's trew,--
For mi booans is all shakkin an sooar,
Throo th' craan o' mi hat, to mi shoe.

An mi skin, it's all cover'd wi' marks,
Some's blue, an some's black, an some's red;
Yo connot think ha mi heead warks,
An it feels just as heavy as lead.

Aw connot tell ha' aw gate fresh,
For aw didn't sup ovver mich drink,--
It's mi stummack 'at's weakly, aw guess,
It couldn't be nowt else aw' think,
For aw'd nobbut a gallon o' beer,
A couple o' whiskeys,--a rum,--
Happen two--for awm net varry clear
Hah monny--aw knaw aw hed some.

That's all, tho' aw'd happen a drop
Lat on, 'at aw knaw nowt abaat;
For th' lanlord he tell'd mi to stop,
When th' brass i' mi pocket runn'd aght,
Aw remember beein chuckt into th' street
At cloisin time, nothin noa mooar,--
An mi mates set mi up o' mi feet,
An propt me agean a hasse door.

All th' rest o' last neet is a blank,
Aw wonder who put mi to bed?
Awm sewer aw dooant knaw who to thank,
An aw connot reet think, for mi head--
Besides aw feel terrible sick,--
This drinkin, it isn't all bliss;
Aw expect aw'st be seedy a wick,
It's towt mi a lesson 'as this.

Christmas Oysters.

They tell me 'at in Orstralia they have Kursmas Day in th' middle o' summer,--aw dooant knaw whether it's trew or net, for someha' them 'at's been i' furrin pairts are varry mich addicted to th' practiss o' tellin lies,--but if they hey ther Kursmiss i' summer, all aw con say is, 'at it's a mistak; ov cooarse furriners can do as they like, but it allus seems to me at th' best ov Kursmiss is at it cooms i'th middle o' winter to cheer poor fowks' hearts when th' days is dark an gloomy. It's a wonderful time is Kursmiss--all th' shops as ther winders dressed aght wi' th' best things they hev, to mak a show, an gas leets shinin all up an daan, an ther's geese an turkeys hangin up aghtside,--an yo' see ivverybody lukkin as gooid humoured as if they'd getten some brass gi'en.

Aw know nowt mooar pleasant nor to goa throo th' markits on th' neet befoor Kursmiss, an luk at th' stawls an th' smilin faces all up an daan.

Aw heeard a bit ov a stoary abaat Kursmiss a bit sin' 'at aw'll tell yo.

Ther wor a young lad at Dewsbury an he wor varry fond o' gooid aitin,--it's net a varry uncommon complaint amang lads,--but this chap wor mooar nor usual fond o' gooid things, an if ivver he gate hold ov onny brass, he allus used to spend it awther at a pie shop, or on fish fried wi' chipt puttates, or some other daintes o' that sooart.

It wor Kursmiss Eve last year, an he'd getten howd o' some copper bi sweepin snaw off th' doorstuns for th' nabers, soa after he'd hed his teah, he set off to fill hissen full o' summat tasty.

"Aw'll ha' summat reeal gooid to-neet," he sed, "as it's Kursmiss time."

He lukt into shops at tarts, an penny ducks, an blood puddins, an all sooarts o' things; but he'd hed them all monny a time, an he wanted summat fresh.

At last he went into th' markit place, an after he'd luk'd raand, wi' th' brass fair burnin a hoil in his pocket for want o' spendin, he coom to a stawl whear a chap wor shaatin aght:

"Hoisters! reeal natives! a penny apiece!"

Nah he'd nivver tasted a hoister i' all his life, it wor summat new, soa he went up to th' chap an axt for one.

Th' man gate hold o' one an started o' oppenin it wi' his knife, but th' lad sed--

"Howd on, aw say, that's a varry little en, aw want a reight daan big un--th' biggest one yo' hev i'th place."

"If yo' want a reight big un," th' man sed, "aw con sewt yo' up to th' mark," an he went behund th' stawl, an in a hawf minnit he coom back wi' one abaat as big as a pan lid. It wor oppened, an th' fish wor liggin on th' shell i'th center, abaat three inches across.

"Will this sewt yo'," he sed.

"That'll do," th' lad sed, "aw like a fair sized un."

He put some pepper an vinegar on it, an handed it to th' lad an sed, "Aw dooant think yo' can manage it, sir."

He nivver spake, but tuk th' shell in his hand, an oppen'd his maath an sukt it in. He'd to try two or three times befoor it went daan his throit, an it nearly choakt him, but at last it went.

"Aw've done it," he sed wi' tears in his een, "Hah mich is ther to pay?"

"Nah, aw willn't mak noa charge," th' man answered, "yo've done weel, aw didn't think yo' could ha' managed it, ther's three fowk tried at that hoister to-neet, an a dog beside, but it lickt 'em all."

Th' lad turned away, an slipt behind a row o' stawls, an aw willn't say onny mooar abaat what happened after.

Chairley's Coortin.

Chairley Dempster wor nobbut a little chap but he'd a varry big opinion ov hissen. He'd consait enuff for hawf a duzzen. His mother wor a widdy an he wor th' only child shoo'd ivver had an shoo set a deeal o' stoor on him, an firmly believed at ther wornt another at wor fit to hold th' cannel to him.

Noa daat this accanted for him havin sich a gooid opinion ov hissen. They wornt varry weel to do, for when her husband deed, he'd nowt he could leeav her except th' bit o' furnitur an th' babby.

Fowk thowt shoo'd be wed agean, but they wor mistaen. If it hadn't been for havin Chairley happen shoo wod ha done, for shoo wor young an strong, an varry gooidlukkin i'th bargain' an lots o' chaps wod ha thowt thersen lucky if they could ha 'ticed her to buckle on wi 'em. But shoo kept em all at a distance, an managed, wi weshin an cleeanin for fowk, to mak as mich as kept her an her lad.

Shoo spoilt him, as wor to be expected, an denied hersen lots o' things shoo badly needed to keep him weel donned, an shoo wor nivver as praad as when shoo heeard somdy say at he lukt 'like a little gentleman.'

Shoo kept him at Schooil wol he wor fourteen, an he didn't shame his taichers, an when he left he wor cliverer nor mooast lads ov his age.

Dooant run away wi th' idea at he wor a fine young gentleman, for he wor nobbut a country lad, for he'd been browt up in a country place amang country fowk, but he wor one o'th better sooart, an amang th' naybors wor considered a bit ov a swell.

What trade to put him to bothered his mother aboon o' bit. Shoo could ha liked to ha made him into a doctor or a parson, or shoo wodn't have objected to startin him as th' president ov a bank, but sich things cost brass an shoo wor varry poor. He could ha liked to ha been a sowger, but he worn't big enuff, an sailerin didn't suit his stummack. At last he had to be content to get into a grocer's shop as a lad abaat, and he wor sixteen bi this time.

Th' maister sooin tuk a fancy to him, for he worked hard an steady, an befoor he'd been thear a month he wor put behind th' caanter to wait on customers. His mother wor ovverjoyed at this, an altho shoo wornt one o'th biggest or best customers, ther wor nubdy went ofter to th' shop. If shoo nobbut wanted two articles shoo went twice for em, an shoo wor nivver in a hurry to get sarved, for the biggest pleasur shoo'd ivver known wor to watch Chairley deal aght punds o' sewgar an cakes o' sooap.

But ther's noa pleasur i' this world at isn't mixt wi some pain, an it wor soa i' her case. One day as shoo wor watchin him sarve a lass wi a rasher o' bacon, an saw th' way he smiled at her an shoo tittered back at him, struck her for th' furst time, at th' day might come when he'd be somdy else's Chairley, an shoo'd hay to tak a back seeat.

When shoo went hooam shoo could think abaat nowt else, an shoo set studyin abaat it soa long, at when he coom hooam to his supper ther wor nowt ready for him, an th' foir wor aght.

"What's to do, mother?" he sed, "arn't yo weel or have yo nobbut just getten hooam?"

"A'a, lad," shoo sed,--lukkin raand suspiciously, as if shoo wor feeard he'd browt some lass wi him,--"aw dooant know what's to do. Aw just set me daan to think a bit at time's flown by withaat me nooaticin it. Has ta come straight hooam?"

"Hi,--aw allus coom straight hooam when mi wark's done."

"An did ta coom bi thisen all th' way?"

"Ov coorse aw coom bi misen. Did yo want me to fotch somdy wi mi?"

"Nay, lad. Aw hooap that day's far distant when tha'll bring onnybody here to tak thi mother's place. Who wor that forrad young thing at tha wor sellin that rasher o' bacon to when aw wor i'th shop?"

"Aw nobbut know her furst name. They call her Minnie, shoo's a sarvent at that big haase at th' street corner."

"Minnie, do they call her? aw think Ninny wod be a name to suit her better. Aw nivver saw her befoor i' mi life, but shoo's noa gooid, aw saw that as sooin as aw clapt mi een on her. Aw hooap tha'll mind what tha'rt dooin an have noa truck wi sichlike."

"Why, mother, aw've allus thowt her a varry gooid lass, an awm sewer shoo's a bonny en."

"That's just whear it is. They allus are bonny are sich like as her. But next time shoo cooms into th' shop just order her off abaat her business. An see at tha does as aw tell thi. Shoo can get what shoo wants at another shop at's nearer their haase. Its nooan yor bacon shoo wants;--its thee shoo's after, but tha'rt sich a ninnyhammer at tha can't see it."

"Yo must know, mother, 'at aw can't order her aght o'th shop. Awm sewer shoo thinks nowt abaat me. Ther's nooan sich luck. Shoo's older nor me bi ivver soa mich, an shoo could have onny chap i'th street if shoo'd to put her finger up. Awm sewer aw dooant know what's put sich a nooation into yor heead. But aw'll have mi supper if its ready."

"Come thi ways;--awm sooary aw've kept thi waitin, but tuk it into thi. Tha'll get moor gooid aght o' that nor sich as her. Ther owt to be a law to punish sichlike."

Chairley sed nowt noa moor, but he thowt a lot. To tell trewth, sich thowts had nivver befoor entered into his heead. An if his mother had nivver sed owt abaat it, it's possible they nivver wod. It wor Setterdy neet, an as he wor anxious to be up i' gooid time at Sundy, he sed, "Gooid neet," an went to bed. For th' furst time in his life he tossed an roll'd abaat, an couldn't fall asleep. His mother had put that lass into his heead an he couldn't get her aght. He'd allus thowt her a nice lass, but he'd nivver known ha bonny shoo wor till then.

"A'a!" he sighed, "awd goa throo foir an watter for sich a lass as her."

An th' upshot on it wor, at when at last he did fall asleep, it wor to dream at he'd wed an angel just like her, an he wakkened to find th' bolster cuddled up in his arms. Sundy passed someway, but nawther schooil nor sarmon did him onny gooid. Unconsciously he'd set up an idol an wor worshippin it wi all th' strength ov his young heart.

As he went to his wark next mornin, he happened to catch th' seet ov hissen as he passed a shop winder, an for th' furst time he felt ha little he wor.

Ommost fust customer to enter th' shop wor Minnie. Shoo wanted a duzzen fresh eggs. Chairley's face went as red as a pickled cabbage, an when he went to get em his hands tremeled soa at he smashed two.

"Oh, what a pity," sed Minnie.

"Oh, net at all, awm quite used to it," he stammered. Then Minnie stared at him an laft, an he tried to laff to, an one oth' shop lads gave a guffaw an this soa nettled Chairley 'at he samd th' bag wi th' eggs in an sent it flyin at his heead, an gave it sich a crack at th' bag wor brussen, an th' eggs all smashed wor sylin daan throo his heead to his feet, an just then th' maister walked in.

Minnie stood stupified an Chairley seized his hat an ran aght at th' back door. Wol th' lad wor splutterin an slobberin, an th' maister doncin mad, Minnie slipt aght an bowt her eggs at another shop. But shoo couldn't get Chairley aght of her mind. Shoo'd allus admired him, an thowt what a gooid husband he'd mak for somdy when he gate a bit older; an nah shoo saw as plainly as could be ha matters stood, an guessed as near trewth as if Chairley had tell'd her all abaat it.

It wor lat on ith' day when Chairley slunk into th' shop, an th' maister mooationed for him to step into th' private office. What tuk place aw dooan't exactly know, but when they coom aght Chairley lukt varry warm, an th' maister had a grin on his face at wor a gooid sign.

Three or four days passed, an Minnie nivver entered that shop. Chairley tried to feel thankful, for he didn't know ha to face her, an yet he wor miserable, for he felt as if he couldn't live withaat her.

Just as he wor turnin th' corner oth' street on his way hooam,--it wor ommost dark an he wor in a varry low kay;--a voice cloise to him sed, "What's the price of fresh eggs to-day, Chairley?"

Chairley felt like jumpin aght ov his skin, as he turned raand an saw Minnie, laffin all ovver her face an lukkin moor bewitchinly bonny nor ivver.

"A'a, Minnie! Miss Minnie, aw meean;--Aw have to beg yo pardon. Aw'll nivver do it agean as long as aw live. Will yo forgie me this time, an coom to th' shop as usual?"

"Has the shop-boy forgiven you?"

"Aw care nowt abaat him."

"But the master?"

"Oh' he's all reight, but when aw gate to know who yo wor, they could ha fell'd me wi a feather."

Minnie had stept back into th' shadder oth' porch an wor sittin on th' step. Chairley wor ith' shadder o'th' porch too. All wor varry quiet for a long time an when th' mooin peept aght an sent a mild soft leet into that same porch, it showed a couple sittin varry cloise together.

When Chairley went hooam that neet, he wor th' mooast important chap, in his own estimation, at lived i' that taan. His mother had been uneasy for th' past few days, for shoo saw ther wor summat wrang, an shoo nooaticed th' change in him as sooin as he went in. "Has things gooan reight wi thi to-day, Chairley?" shoo ventured to ax him.

"Nivver better, Mother;--Nivver better!"

But shoo felt sewer ther wor summat undernaith, an shoo wor detarmined to find it aght. Shoo knew at Chairley wodn't be at th' shop next mornin, as it wor his day to goa seekin orders, soa shoo waited till he'd getten off, an then shoo went to see his maister.

"Come this way, Mrs. Dempster," he sed when he saw her, "what can we do for you this morning?"

"Aw wanted to spaik to yo if yo pleeas. Awd like to know if my son has been havin onny trubble latly?"

"Well, my dear Madam, troubles come to all on us at times. I dare say Charley has had a little trouble,--just a minimum."

"Aw mud ha known it! But if yond Minnie doesn't let my lad alooan aw'll mak this taan too hot for her. Shoo owt to be smoored an all sichlike."

"Excuse me, Mrs. Dempster, but if you are alluding to my niece Minnie, I must ask you to speak with more respect, for she is as good as she is good-looking, and that is saying a great deal."

"Yo dooan't meean to say shoo's yor neese sewerly."

"She is my niece and your boy's sweetheart. They were engaged last night with my full consent, and a nice young couple they are. If all goes well, they are to be married when Charley comes of age, and will then succeed me in this business."

"Laws-a-mercy on us! Well,--well. An a nice lass shoo is too," an off shoo set to think things ovver agean.

Shoo nivver agean interfered wi his coortin. They're wed nah. Shoo lives wi em, but shoo can't understand why they allus laff if shoo sets em fresh eggs for ther braikfast.

What a Gallus Button did.

One Friday neet last summer, ther wor a braik daan at th' shop 'at Dick Taylor worked at, just befoor stoppin time, soa th' ovverlukker telled him 'at it wor noa use his comin i'th mornin, as they wodn't be able to start th' engine agean wol Mundy.

Dick worn't sorry, for it wor fine weather, an' he thowt a day's halliday ud be varry pleasant. When he gate hooam, he telled his missis 'at he wor baan to laik th' next day, an' shoo sed,