Chapter XXVIII: Henry VI. a Very Small King

The next King, Henry VI, was only one year old and was thus rather a Weak King; indeed the Barons declared that he was quite numb and vague. When he grew up, however, he was such a Good Man that he was considered a Saint, or alternatively (especially by the Barons) an imbecile.

JOAN OF ARK

During this reign the Hundred Years War was brought to an end by _Joan of Ark_, a French descendant of Noah who after hearing Angel voices singing _Do Ré Mi_ became inspired, thus unfairly defeating the English in several battles. Indeed, she might even have made France top nation if the Church had not decided that she would make an exceptionally memorable martyr. Thus Joan of Ark was a Good Thing in the end and is now the only memorable French saint.

THE WARS OF THE ROSES

Noticing suddenly that the Middle Ages were coming to an end, the Barons now made a stupendous effort to revive the old Feudal amenities of Sackage, Carnage and Wreckage and so stave off the Tudors for a time. They achieved this by a very clever plan, known as the _Wars of the Roses_ (because the Barons all picked different coloured roses in order to see which side they were on).

WARWICK THE KINGMAKER

One of the rules in the Wars of the Roses was that nobody was ever really King but that Edmund Mortimer really ought to be: any Baron who wished to be considered King was allowed to apply at Warwick the Kingmaker’s, where he was made to fill up a form, answering the following questions:

1. Are you a good plain cook?

2. Are you Edmund Mortimer? If not, have you got him?

3. Have you ever been King before? If so, state how many times; also
whether deposed, beheaded, or died of surfeit.

4. Are you insane? If so, state whether permanently or only
temporarily.

5. Are you prepared to marry Margaret of Angoulême? If Isabella of
Hainault preferred, give reasons. (Candidates are advised not to
attempt both ladies.)

6. Have you had the Black Death?

7. What have you done with your mother? (If _Nun_, write _None_.)

8. Do you intend to be

I (_a_) a Good King.
(_b_) a Bad King.
(_c_) a Weak King.
II (_a_) a Good Man.
(_b_) a Bad Man.

(Candidates must not attempt more than one in each section.)

9. How do you propose to die? (Write your answer in BLOCK CAPITALS.)