Chapter XIII: Introduction: To the True-Born

ENGLISHMAN _Daniel Defoe_ 41

JOB _Samuel T. Coleridge_ 95
John Jenkins _Anthony C. Deane_ 313

KING OF YVETOT, THE (VERSION OF
W. M. THACKERAY) _Pierre Jean De Béranger_ 109
Kitty of Coleraine _Edward Lysaght_ 91

LATEST DECALOGUE, THE _Arthur Hugh Clough_ 200
Laureate, The _William E. Aytoun_ 194
Let Us All Be Unhappy Together _Charles Dibdin_ 78
Life in Laconics _Mary Mapes Dodge_ 263
Lines _Stephen Crane_ 337
Lines by an Old Fogy _Anonymous_ 348
Literary Lady, The _Richard Brinsley
Sheridan_ 84
Lost Leader, The _Robert Browning_ 186
Love-Letter, The _Austin Dobson_ 267
Lying _Thomas Moore_ 108

MALBROUCK _Translated by Father
Prout_ 161
Manly Heart, The _George Wither_ 26
Man’s Requirements, A _Elizabeth Barrett
Browning_ 163
Match, A _Punch_ 343
Meeting of the Clabberhuses, The _Samuel Walter Foss_ 300
Midges _Robert Bulwer Lytton_ 230
Miser, The _Edward Fitzgerald_ 166
Modern Puffing System, The _Thomas Moore_ 106
Modest Wit, A _Selleck Osborn_ 112
Mourner à la Mode, The _John Godfrey Saxe_ 197
Mr. Barney Maguire’s Account of
the Coronation _Richard Harris Barham_ 119
Mr. Molony’s Account of the Ball
Given to the Nepaulese
Ambassador by the Peninsular
and Oriental Company _William Makepeace
Thackeray_ 179
My Lord Tomnoddy _Robert Barnabas Brough_ 227

NET OF LAW, THE _James Jeffrey Roche_ 277
Nora’s Vow _Sir Walter Scott_ 94
Nothing to Wear _William Allen Butler_ 213

OF A CERTAIN MAN _Sir John Harrington_ 16
Of Propriety _Charles Stuart
Calverley_ 235
On a Magazine Sonnet _Russell Hilliard Loines_ 321
On Don Surly _Ben Jonson_ 24
On Johnson _John Wolcott_ (_Peter
Pindar_) 75
On Lytton _Alfred Tennyson_ 177
On Shadwell _John Dryden_ 38
On Smollett _Charles Churchill_ 73
Origin of Sin, The _Samuel Walter Foss_ 294
Our Village _Thomas Hood_ 145
Ozymandias _Percy Bysshe Shelley_ 134

PARADISE. A HINDOO LEGEND _George Birdseye_ 319
Pauper’s Drive, The _Thomas Noel_ 175
Peace: A Study _Charles Stuart
Calverley_ 236
Pelters of Pyramids _Richard Hengist Horne_ 155
Philosopher, A _Samuel Walter Foss_ 295
Philosopher’s Scales, The _Jane Taylor_ 114
Pious Editor’s Creed, The _James Russell Lowell_ 206
Poem to the Critic, The _Richard Watson Gilder_ 274
Poet and the Critics, The _Austin Dobson_ 265
Poet of Fashion, The _James Smith_ 101
Pope and the Net, The _Robert Browning_ 188
Positivists, The _Mortimer Collins_ 225
Precise Tailor, A _Sir John Harrington_ 16
Public Breakfast, The _Christopher Anstey_ 67

QUIDNUNCKIS, THE _John Gay_ 54

RELIGION OF HUDIBRAS, THE _Samuel Butler_ 31
Remedy Worse Than the Disease, The _Matthew Prior_ 45
Remonstrance, The _Sir John Suckling_ 28
Reporters _George Crabbe_ 85
Revelry in India _Bartholomew Dowling_ 210
Review, A _Bayard Taylor_ 221
Rich and Poor; or, Saint and Sinner _Thomas L. Peacock_ 117
Rich and the Poor Man, The (From
the Russian of Kremnitzer) _Sir John Bowring_ 132

SAILOR’S CONSOLATION, THE _William Pitt_ 152
Saintship versus Conscience _Samuel Butler_ 29
Same Old Story _Harry B. Smith_ 306
Sandys’ Ghost _Alexander Pope_ 57
Satire on Edward Howard _Charles Sackville, Earl
of Dorset_ 39
Satire on the Scots _John Cleiveland_ 32
Sceptics, The _Bliss Carman_ 308
Scholar and His Dog, The _John Marston_ 25
Schoolmaster Abroad with His Son,
The _Charles Stuart
Calverley_ 233
Sick Man and the Angel, The _John Gay_ 55
Sky-Making _Mortimer Collins_ 226
Sleep On _W. S. Gilbert_ 249
Sly Lawyers _George Crabbe_ 85
Soliloquy of the Spanish Cloister _Robert Browning_ 190
Song _Richard Lovelace_ 34
Sonnet, A _J. K. Stephen_ 284
Sorrows of Werther _William Makepeace
Thackeray_ 178
Soul’s Errand, The _Sir Walter Raleigh_ 13
St. Anthony’s Sermon to the Fishes _Abraham á Sancta-Clara_ 39
Sympathy _Reginald Heber_ 111

THERE IS NO GOD _Arthur Hugh Clough_ 199
They Said _Edith M. Thomas_ 284
Thought, A _J. K. Stephen_ 283
Three Black Crows _John Byrom_ 63
Thursday _Frederick Edwardsku
Weatherly_ 280
To Boswell _John Wolcott_ (_Peter
Pindar_) 76
To Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra _Richard Kendall
Munkittrick_ 287
To R. K. _J. K. Stephen_ 286
To the Terrestrial Globe _W. S. Gilbert_ 240
To Woman _Lord Byron_ 126
Too Late _Fitz-Hugh Ludlow_ 261
Tool, The _Richard Watson Gilder_ 273
True to Poll _Frank C. Burnand_ 247
Twelve Articles _Jonathan Swift_ 46
Two Characters _Henry Taylor_ 151

UNCERTAIN MAN, THE _William Cowper_ 74

V-A-S-E, THE _James Jeffrey Roche_ 278
Verses on Seeing the Speaker Asleep
in His Chair During One of the
Debates of the First Reformed
Parliament _Winthrop M. Praed_ 154
WANTED--A GOVERNESS _Anonymous_ 346
War Is Kind _Stephen Crane_ 336
Wed _H. C. Bunner_ 289
Wedded Bliss _Charlotte Perkins
(Stetson) Gilman_ 303
Well of St. Keyne, The _Robert Southey_ 99
What Will We Do? _Robert J. Burdette_ 272
What’s In a Name? _Richard Kendall
Munkittrick_ 288
Widow Malone, The _Charles Lever_ 173
Will, The _John Donne_ 18
Wish for Length of Life, The _Juvenal_ 6
Woman _Fitz-Greene Halleck_ 132
Woman’s Will _John Godfrey Saxe_ 196
Would-be Literary Bore, A _Horace_ 4

INDEX OF AUTHORS

ANONYMOUS PAGE
Lines by an Old Fogy 348
Wanted--A Governess 346

ANSTEY, CHRISTOPHER
The Public Breakfast 67

ARISTOPHANES
Chorus of Women 3

ARMYTAGE, FAULKNER
Friday Afternoon at the Boston Symphony Hall 332

AYTOUN, WILLIAM E.
The Laureate 194

BARHAM, RICHARD HARRIS
Mr. Barney Maguire’s Account of the Coronation 119

BIRDSEYE, GEORGE
Paradise. A Hindoo Legend 319

BLAKE, RODNEY
Hoch! der Kaiser 320

BOWRING, SIR JOHN
The Rich and the Poor Man (From the Russian of Kremnitzer) 132

BROUGH, ROBERT BARNABAS
My Lord Tomnoddy 227

BROWNING, ELIZABETH BARRETT
Critics 164
A Man’s Requirements 163

BROWNING, ROBERT
The Lost Leader 186
The Pope and the Net 188
Soliloquy of the Spanish Cloister 190

BUNNER, H. C.
Atlantic City 290
Wed 289

BURDETTE, ROBERT J.
What Will We Do? 272

BURGESS, GELETT
Extracts from the Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne 328

BURNAND, FRANK C.
True to Poll 247

BURNS, ROBERT
Address to the Unco Guid, or the Rigidly Righteous 86
Holy Willie’s Prayer 88

BUTLER, WILLIAM ALLEN
Nothing to Wear 213

BUTLER, SAMUEL
Description of Holland 30
The Religion of Hudibras 31
Saintship versus Conscience 29

BYROM, JOHN
The Three Black Crows 63

BYRON, LORD
A Country House Party 127
From “English Bards and Scotch Reviewers” 125
From “The Devil’s Drive” 123
To Woman 126

CALVERLEY, CHARLES STUART
Of Propriety 235
Peace: A Study 236
The Schoolmaster Abroad with His Son 233

CANNING, GEORGE
The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder 92

CARLYLE, THOMAS
Cui Bono? 135

CARMAN, BLISS
Hem and Haw 307
The Sceptics 308

CARROLL, LEWIS
Fame’s Penny Trumpet 238

CAYLEY, GEORGE JOHN
An Epitaph 64

CHURCHILL, CHARLES
On Smollett 73

CLAUDIUS, MATTHEW
The Hen 77

CLEIVELAND, JOHN
Satire on the Scots 32

CLOUGH, ARTHUR HUGH
The Latest Decalogue 200
There Is No God 199

COLERIDGE, SAMUEL TAYLOR
Cologne 96
Giles’ Hope 96
Job 95

COLLINS, MORTIMER
The Positivists 225
Sky-Making 226

COWPER, WILLIAM
A Faithful Picture of Ordinary Society 74
The Uncertain Man 74

CRABBE, GEORGE
Reporters 85
Sly Lawyers 85

CRANE, STEPHEN
Lines 337
War Is Kind 336

DEANE, ANTHONY C.
The Beauties of Nature 317
A Certain Cure 316
John Jenkins 313

DE BÉRANGER, PIERRE JEAN
The King of Yvetot (Version of W. M. Thackeray) 109

DEFOE, DANIEL
Introduction to the True-Born Englishman 41

DIBDIN, CHARLES
Let Us All be Unhappy Together 78

DEKKER, THOMAS
Horace Concocting an Ode 23

DOBSON, AUSTIN
The Love-Letter 267
The Poet and the Critics 265

DODGE, MARY MAPES
Life in Laconics 263

DONNE, JOHN
The Will 18

DOWLING, BARTHOLOMEW
Revelry in India 210

DRYDEN, JOHN
The Duke of Buckingham 37
On Shadwell 38

FAWCETT, EDGAR
Chorus of Anglomaniacs (From “The Buntling Ball”) 275

FIELDING, HENRY
An Epistle to Sir Robert Walpole 65

FITZGERALD, EDWARD
The Miser 166

FOSS, SAMUEL WALTER
The Fate of Pious Dan 298
The Meeting of the Clabberhuses 300
The Origin of Sin 294
A Philosopher 295

GAY, JOHN
The Quidnunckis 54
The Sick Man and the Angel 55

GILBERT, W. S.
The Æsthete 260
Anglicised Utopia 252
The Ape and the Lady 250
Etiquette 254
Sleep On 249
To the Terrestrial Globe 240

GILDER, RICHARD WATSON
Give Me a Theme 274
The Poem, to the Critic 274
The Tool 273

GILMAN, CHARLOTTE PERKINS (Stetson)
A Conservative 304
Wedded Bliss 303

GOLDSMITH, OLIVER
An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog 72

GREENWOOD, GRACE
A Fragment 212

HALLECK, FITZ-GREENE
Woman 132

HARRINGTON, SIR JOHN
Of a Certain Man 16
A Precise Tailor 16

HAY, JOHN
Distiches 264

HEBER, REGINALD
Sympathy 111

HERFORD, OLIVER
A Butterfly of Fashion 322
Earth 321

HERVEY, THOMAS KIBBLE
The Devil at Home 149

HOLCROFT, THOMAS
Gaffer Gray (From “Hugh Trevor”) 139

HOLMES, OLIVER WENDELL
Cacoëthes Scribendi 166
Contentment 171
A Familiar Letter to Several Correspondents 167

HOOD, THOMAS
Cockle v. Cackle 140
Our Village 145

HORACE, QUINTUS HORATIUS FLACCUS
A Would-Be Literary Bore 4

HORNE, RICHARD HENGIST
Pelters of Pyramids 155

HUNT, JAMES HENRY LEIGH
From “The Feast of the Poets” 116

JOHNSON, HILDA
Ballade of Expansion 331

JONSON, BEN
On Don Surly 24

JUVENAL
The Wish for Length of Life 6

KIPLING, RUDYARD
The Conundrum of the Workshops 326
General Summary 324

LANG, ANDREW
Ballade of Literary Fame 274

LEMON, MARK
How to Make a Man of Consequence 173

LEVER, CHARLES
The Widow Malone 173

LOINES, RUSSELL HILLIARD
On a Magazine Sonnet 321

LOOMIS, CHARLES BATTELL
The Evolution of a “Name” 310

LOVER, SAMUEL
Father-Land and Mother-Tongue 135
Father Molloy 136

LOVELACE, RICHARD
Song 34

LOWELL, JAMES RUSSELL
From “A Fable for Critics” 201
The Pious Editor’s Creed 206

LUDLOW, FITZ-HUGH
Too Late 261

LYNDSAY, SIR DAVID
A Carman’s Account of a Lawsuit 12

LYSAGHT, EDWARD
Kitty of Coleraine 91

LYTTON, ROBERT BULWER
Midges 230

MACKAY, CHARLES
Cynical Ode to an Ultra-Cynical Public 192
The Great Critics 193

MARSTON, JOHN
The Scholar and His Dog 25

MARVELL, ANDREW
The Character of Holland 35

MATTHEWS, BRANDER
An Advanced Thinker 282

MEREDITH, GEORGE
Hiding the Skeleton 229

MOORE, THOMAS
Eternal London 105
Lying 108
The Modern Puffing System 106

MORSE, JAMES HERBERT
Fame 269

MUNKITTRICK, RICHARD KENDALL
To Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra 287
What’s in a Name? 288

NEAVES, LORD CHARLES
How to Make a Novel 150

NOEL, THOMAS
The Pauper’s Drive 175

O’KEEFE, JOHN
The Friar of Orders Gray 79

OSBORN, SELLECK
A Modest Wit 112

OUTRAM, GEORGE
The Annuity 156

PEACOCK, THOMAS L.
Rich and Poor; or, Saint and Sinner 117

PITT, WILLIAM
The Sailor’s Consolation 152

POPE, ALEXANDER
From “The Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot” 60
Sandys’ Ghost 57

PRAED, WINTHROP M.
Verses on Seeing the Speaker Asleep in His Chair During
one of the Debates of the First Reformed Parliament 154

PRIOR, MATTHEW
An Epitaph 43
The Remedy Worse Than the Disease 45

PROUT, FATHER
Malbrouck 161

PUNCH
A Match 343

RALEIGH, SIR WALTER
The Soul’s Errand 13

ROCHE, JAMES JEFFREY
A Boston Lullaby 277
The V-A-S-E 278
The Net of Law 277

RÜCKERT, FRIEDRICH
Greediness Punished 130

RUTEBŒUF
The Ass’s Legacy 7

SACKVILLE, CHARLES, EARL OF DORSET
Satire on Edward Howard 39

SANCTA-CLARA, ABRAHAM Á
St. Anthony’s Sermon to the Fishes 39

SAXE, JOHN GODFREY
The Mourner à la Mode 197
Woman’s Will 196

SCOTT, SIR WALTER
Nora’s Vow 94

SEAMAN, OWEN
“The Hurt that Honour Feels” 310

SHAKESPEARE, WILLIAM
From “As You Like It” 22
From “Love’s Labour’s Lost” 21
From “King Henry IV.” 20

SHELLEY, PERCY BYSSHE
Ozymandias 134

SHERIDAN, RICHARD BRINSLEY
The Literary Lady 84

SHERIDAN, THOMAS
Dr. Delany’s Villa 52

SILL, EDWARD ROWLAND
Five Lives 270

SMITH, HARRY B.
Same Old Story 306

SMITH, JAMES
Christmas Out of Town 103
The Poet of Fashion 101

SOUTHEY, ROBERT
The Battle of Blenheim 97
The Well of St. Keyne 99

STEDMAN, EDMUND CLARENCE
The Diamond Wedding 240

STEPHEN, J. K.
To R. K. 286
A Sonnet 284
A Thought 283

SUCKLING, SIR JOHN
The Constant Lover 27
The Remonstrance 28

SWIFT, JONATHAN
The Furniture of a Woman’s Mind 48
Twelve Articles 46

TAYLOR, BAYARD
A Review 221

TAYLOR, HENRY
Two Characters 151

TAYLOR, JANE
The Philosopher’s Scales 114

TENNYSON, ALFRED
On Lytton 177

THACKERAY, WILLIAM MAKEPEACE
Damages, Two Hundred Pounds 182
Mr. Molony’s Account of the Ball Given to the Nepaulese
Ambassador by the Peninsular and Oriental Company 179
Sorrows of Werther 178

THOMAS, EDITH M.
They Said 284

TORRENCE, FREDERIC RIDGELY
From “The House of a Hundred Lights” 340

TROLLOPIAD, FROM THE
The British Visitor 343

VIELÉ, HERMAN KNICKERBOCKER
The Font in the Forest 294

VILLON, FRANÇOIS
A Ballade of Old-Time Ladies (Translated by John Payne) 11

WARE, EUGENE FITCH
He and She 272

WEATHERLY, FREDERICK EDWARD
A Bird in the Hand 281
Thursday 280

WITHER, GEORGE
The Manly Heart 26

WOLCOTT, JOHN (PETER PINDAR)
On Johnson 75
To Boswell 76

YATES, EDMUND
All-Saints 237

YOUNG, EDWARD
From “The Love of Fame” 50

YRIARTE, TOMAS
The Country Squire 80
The Eggs 83

A

PARODY ANTHOLOGY

BY

CAROLYN WELLS

OCTAVO. $1.25 _net._
FULL LIMP LEATHER. In a Box, $1.50 _net._

“A book which bubbles with fun from cover to cover, which is so full of humor, indeed, that the reader will be apt to forget its serious purpose.”--_Brooklyn Eagle._

“Constructed on an excellent plan and with good discretion, rendering it an excellent work of reference, as well as one of entertainment.”--_Boston Herald._

“Miss Wells has placed the lover of genuine humor under a debt of lasting gratitude.”--_Brooklyn Life._

“The parody has been a shining mark for the pen points of novices. Some of them hit it off, and more of them didn’t. Miss Wells seems to have found those who did.”--_Chicago Evening Post._

“The collection is a worthy one, deserving a place in every library of fun.”--_Chicago Record-Herald._

“Probably there is no better collection of parodies than this.”--_Detroit Free Press._

A

NONSENSE ANTHOLOGY

BY

CAROLYN WELLS

OCTAVO. $1.25 _net._
FULL LIMP LEATHER. In a Box, $1.50 _net._

“All lovers of good nonsense will be grateful to Miss Carolyn Wells for compiling ‘A Nonsense Anthology.’”--_Boston Herald._

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“A book that will bring joy to both young and old. Miss Wells has an appreciation of fooling that is not a common attribute of her sex, and a sense of humor that is exemplified by many delightful productions of her own. In making the selections for the present volume she has shown excellent judgment and a wide acquaintance with the special sort of verse that is concerned.”--_The Dial._

“Almost every one will find his or her favorite selections in this volume.”--_The Outlook._

* * * * *

Transcriber’s Notes:

Obvious punctuation errors repaired.

Page xiv, “Aethete” changed to “Æsthete” (The Æsthete)

Page 186, “o” changed to “to” (you’ve a right to)

Page 190, “Wate” changed to “Water” (Water your damned)

Page 190, “Wha ’s” changed to “What’s” (What’s the Greek)

Page 210, “hat” changed to “that” (the next that dies)

Page 246, “wo ds” changed to “words” (words were the power)

Page 259, “Somer” changed to “Somers” (and Somers takes the south)

Page 351, “Aethete” changed to “Æsthete” (Æsthete, The)

Page 364, “Aethete” changed to “Æsthet” (The Æsthete)