Chapter XIX: Act II: , Scene I

TRINCALO, ARMELLINA.

TRIN. He that saith I am not in love, he lies _de cap-a-pie;_ for I am idle, choicely neat in my clothes, valiant, and extreme witty. My meditations are loaded with metaphors, songs, and sonnets; not a cur shakes his tail but I sigh out a passion:[272] thus do I to my mistress; but, alas! I kiss the dog, and she kicks me. I never see a young wanton filly, but say I, there goes Armellina; nor a lusty strong ass, but I remember myself, and sit down to consider what a goodly race of mules would inherit, if she were willing: only I want utterance--and that's a main mark of love too.

ARM. Trincalo, Trincalo!

TRIN. O, 'tis Armellina! Now, if she have the wit to begin, as I mean she should, then will I confound her with compliments drawn from the plays I see at the Fortune and Red Bull,[273] where I learn all the words I speak and understand not.

ARM. Trincalo, what price bears wheat and saffron, that your band's so stiff and yellow?[274]--not a word? Why, Trincalo, what business in town? how do all at Totnam? grown mute? What do you bring from the country?

TRIN. There 'tis. Now are my floodgates drawn, and I'll surround her. [_Aside._] What have I brought? sweet bit of beauty, a hundred thousand salutations o' th' elder-house to your most illustrious honour and worship.

ARM. To me these titles! Is your basket full of nothing else?

TRIN. Full of the fruits of love, most resplendent lady: a present to your worthiness from your worship's poor vassal Trincalo.

ARM. My life on't, he scrap'd these compliments from his cart the last load he carried for the progress.[275] What ha' you read, that makes you grow so eloquent?

TRIN. Sweet madam, I read nothing but the lines of your ladyship's countenance; and desire only to kiss the skirts of your garment, if you vouchsafe me not the happiness of your white hands.

ARM. Come, give's your basket, and take it.

TRIN. O, sweet! now will I never wash my mouth after, nor breathe but at my nostrils, lest I lose the taste of her finger. Armellina, I must tell you a secret, if you'll make much on't.

ARM. As it deserves. What is't?

TRIN. I love you, dear morsel of modesty, I love; and so truly, that I'll make you mistress of my thoughts, lady of my revenues, and commit all my movables into your hands; that is, I'll give you an earnest kiss in the highway of matrimony.

ARM. Is this the end of all this business?

TRIN. This is the end of all business, most beautiful, and most-worthy-to-be-most beautiful, lady.

ARM. Hence, fool, hence!

[_Exit._

TRIN. Why, now she knows my meaning, let it work She put up the fruit in her lap, and threw away the basket: 'tis a plain sign she abhors the words, and embraces the meaning.

O lips, no lips,[276] but leaves besmear'd' with mildew!
O dew, no dew, but drops of honey-combs!
O combs, no combs, but fountains full of tears!
O tears, no tears, but----

SCENE II.

PANDOLFO, TRINCALO.

PAN. Cricca denies me: no persuasions,
Proffers, rewards, can work him to transform.
Yonder's my country farmer Trincalo.
Never in fitter time, good Trincalo.

TRIN. Like a lean horse t' a fresh and lusty pasture.

PAN. What rent dost pay me for thy farm at Totnam?

TRIN. Ten pound, and find it too dear a penny-worth.

PAN. My hand here. Take it rent-free for three lives,
To serve me in a business I'll employ thee.

TRIN. Serve you! I'll serve, reserve, conserve, preserve,
Deserve, you for th' one half. O Armellina;
A jointure, ha, a jointure! [_Aside._] What's your employment?

PAN. Here's an astrologer has a wondrous secret,
To transform men to other shapes and persons.

TRIN. How! transform things to men? I'll bring nine tailors,
Refus'd last muster, shall give five marks apiece
To shape three men of service out of all,
And grant him th' remnant shreds above the bargain.

PAN. Now, if thou'lt let him change thee, take this lease,
Drawn ready; put what lives thou pleasest.

TRIN. Stay, sir.
Say I am transform'd--who shall enjoy the lease,
I or the person I must turn to?

PAN. Thou,
Thou. The resemblance lasts but one whole day:
Then home true farmer, as thou wert before.

TRIN. Where shall poor Trincalo be? How's this! transform'd!
Transmuted, how? not I. I love myself
Better than so: there's your lease.
I'd not venture For th' whole fee-simple.

PAN. Tell me the difference
Betwixt a fool and a wise man.

TRIN. Faith, as much
As 'twixt your worship and myself.

PAN. A wise man
Accepts all fair occasions of advancement;
Flies no commodity for fear of danger,
Ventures and gains, lives easily, drinks good wine,
Fares neatly, is richly cloth'd, in worthiest company;
While your poor fool and clown, for fear of peril,
Sweats hourly for a dry brown crust to bedward,[277]
And wakes all night for want of moisture.

TRIN. Well, sir,
I'd rather starve in this my loved image,
Than hazard thus my life for others' looks.
Change is a kind of death; I dare not try it.

PAN. Tis not so dangerous as thou tak'st it; we'll only
Alter thy count'nance for a day. Imagine
Thy face mask'd only; or that thou dream'st all night
Thou wert apparell'd in Antonio's form;
And (waking) find'st thyself true Trincalo.

TRIN. T' Antonio's form! Was not Antonio a gentleman?

PAN. Yes, and my neighbour; that's his house.

TRIN. O, O!
Now do I smell th' astrologer's trick: he'll steep me
In soldier's blood, or boil me in a caldron
Of barbarous law French; or anoint me over
With supple oil of great men's services;
For these three means raise yeomen to the gentry.
Pardon me, sir: I hate those medicines. Fie!
All my posterity will smell and taste on't,
Long as the house of Trincalo endures.

PAN. There's no such business; thou shalt only seem so,
And thus deceive Antonio's family.

TRIN. Are you assur'd? 'Twould grieve me to be bray'd[278]
In a huge mortar, wrought to paste, and moulded
To this Antonio's mould. Grant, I be turn'd; what then?

PAN. Enter his house, be reverenc'd by his servants,
And give his daughter Flavia to me in marriage.
The circumstances I'll instruct thee after.

TRIN. Pray, give me leave: this side says do't; this, do not.
Before I leave you, Tom Trincalo, take my counsel:
Thy mistress Armellina is Antonio's maid,
And thou, in his shape, may'st possess her: turn.
But if I be Antonio, then Antonio
Enjoys that happiness, not Trincalo.
A pretty trick, to make myself a cuckold!
No, no; there, take your lease. I'll hang first. Soft,
Be not so choleric, Thomas. If I become Antonio,
Then all his riches follow. This fair occasion
Once vanish'd, hope not the like; of a stark clown,
I shall appear a speck-and-span new gentleman.[279]
A pox of ploughs and carts, and whips and horses.
Then Armellina shall be given to Trincalo,
Three hundred crowns her portion. We'll get a boy,
And call him Transformation Trincalo.
I'll do't, sir.

PAN. Art resolv'd?

TRIN. Resolv'd! 'Tis done--
With this condition: after I have given your worship
My daughter Flavia, you shall then move my worship,
And much entreat me, to bestow my maid
Upon myself--I should say Trincalo.

PAN. Content; and for thy sake will make her portion
Two hundred crowns.

TRIN. Now are you much deceiv'd:
I never meant it.

PAN. How!

TRIN. I did but jest;
And yet, my hand, I'll do't: for I am mutable,
And therefore apt to change. Come, come, sir, quickly,
Let's to the astrologer, and there transform,
Reform, conform, deform me at your pleasure.
I loathe this country countenance. Despatch: my skin
Itches like a snake's in April to be stripp'd off.
Quickly, O, quickly! as you love Flavia, quickly.

SCENE III.

ALBUMAZAR, PANDOLFO, RONCA, TRINCALO.

ALB. Signior Pandolfo, y' arrive in happiest hour:
If the seven planets were your nearest kindred,
And all the constellations your allies;
Were the twelve houses and the inns o' th' zodiac
Your own fee-simple, they could ne'er ha' chosen
A fitter place to favour your designs.
For the great luminaries look from Helic[280]
And midst of heaven, in angles, conjunctions,
And fortunate aspects of trine and sextile,
Ready to pour propitious influences.

PAN. Thanks to your pow'r and court'sy, that so plac'd them.
This is the man that's ready for the business.

ALB. Of a most happy count'nance and timber fit
To square to th' gentry: his looks as apt for changing,
As he were cover'd with chameleons' skins.

TRIN. Except my hands; and 'twill be troublesome
To fit these fingers to Antonio's gloves: [_Aside._]

PAN. Pray let's about the work as soon as may be.

ALB. First, choose a large low room, whose door's full east,
Or near inclining: for the oriental quarter's
Most bountiful of favours.

PAN. I have a parlour
Of a great square, and height as you desire it.

ALB. Southward must look a wide and spacious window:
For howsoever Omar, Alchabitius,
Hali, Abenezra, seem something to dissent;
Yet Zoroastres, son of Oromasus,
Hiarcha, Brachman, Thespion, Gymnosophist,
Gebir, and Budda Babylonicus,[281]
With all the subtle Cabalists and Chaldees,
Swear the best influence for our metamorphosis,
Stoops from the south, or, as some say, southeast.

PAN. This room's as fit as you had made it of purpose.

TRIN. Now do I feel the calf of my right leg
Twingle and dwindle to th' smallness of a bed-staff:
Such a speech more turns my high shoes strait boots.[282]

RON. Ne'er were those authors cited to better purpose,
For through that window all Pandolfo's treasures
Must take their flight, and fall upon my shoulders.

ALB. Now if this light meridional had a large casement,
That overlook'd some unfrequented alley,
'Twere much more proper; for th' Intelligences
Are nice and coy, scorning to mix their essence
With throng'd disturbance of cross multitudes.

RON. Spoken by art, Albumazar; a provident setter;
For so shall we receive what thou hand'st out,
Free from discovery. But, in my conscience,
All windows point full south for such a business.

PAN. Go to my house, satisfy your curious choice:
But, credit me, this parlour's fit; it neighbours
To a blind alley, that in busiest term-time
Feels not the footing of one passenger.

ALB. Now, then, declining from Theourgia,
Artenosaria[283] Pharmacia rejecting
Necro-puro-geo-hydro-cheiro-coscinomancy,[284]
With other vain and superstitious sciences,
We'll anchor at the art prestigiatory,
That represents one figure for another,
With smooth deceit abusing th' eyes of mortals.

TRIN. O my right arm! 'tis alter'd, and, methinks,
Longs for a sword. These words have slain a ploughman.

ALB. And, since the moon's the only planet changing,[285]
For from the Neomenia in seven days
To the Dicotima, in seven more to the Panselinum,[286]
And in as much from Plenilunium
Thorough Dicotima to Neomenia,
'Tis she must help us in this operation.

TRIN. What towns are these? The strangeness of these names
Hath scal'd the marks of many a painful harvest,
And made my new-pil'd finger itch for dice.

PAN. Deeply consider'd, wondrous Albumazar!
O, let me kiss those lips that flow with science.

ALB. For by her various looks she intimates
To understanding souls, that only she
Hath power t' effect a true formation.
Cause then your parlour to be swept carefully
Wash'd, rubb'd, perfum'd, hang'd round, from top to bottom,
With pure white lunary tap'stry or needlework;
But if 'twere cloth of silver, 'twere much better.

RON. Good, good! a rich beginning: good!--what's next?

ALB. Spread all the floor with finest Holland sheets,
And over them, fair damask tablecloths;
Above all these draw me chaste virgins' aprons:
The room, the work, and workman must be pure.

TRIN. With virgins' aprons! the whole compass of this city
Cannot afford a dozen. [_Aside._

RON. So: there's shirts
And bands[287] to furnish all on's for a twelvemonth.

ALB. An altar in the midst, loaded with plate
Of silver basins, ewers, cups, [and] candlesticks,
Flagons and beakers; salts, chargers, casting-bottles.[288]
'Twere not amiss to mix some bowls of gold,
So they be massy, the better to resemble
The lovely brotherhood of Sol and Luna:
Also some diamonds for Jupiter.
For by the whiteness and bright sparkling lustres
We allure the intelligence to descend.

RON. Furbo and I are those intelligences
That must attend upon the magistery. [_Aside._

ALB. Now, for the ceremonious sacrifice,
Provide such creatures as the moon delights in:
Two sucking lambs, white as the Alpine snow;
Yet if they have a mole or two, 'twill pass;
The moon herself wants not her spots.

PAN. 'Tis true.

RON. Were they hell-black, we'd make a shift to eat them.
[_Aside._

ALB. White capons, pheasants, pigeons; one little blackbird
Would stain and spoil the work. Get several wines
To quench the holy embers: Rhenish, Greek wine,
White muscadel, sherry, and rich canary,
So't be not grown too yellow; for the quicker,
Brisker and older, the better for these ceremonies:
The more abundance, sooner shall we finish.
For 'tis our rule in suchlike businesses,
Who spares most, spends most. Either this day must do't,
Or th' revolution of five hundred years
Cannot: so fit are all the heavens to help us.

RON. A thousand thanks! thou'lt make a complete cheat.
Thus, loaded with this treasure, cheer'd with wine,
Strengthen'd with meat, we'll carry thee in triumph,
As the great General of our atchievement.

PAN. Sir, for rich plate and jewels I have store;
But know not how to furnish you with hangings.

ALB. Cannot you borrow from the shops? four hours
Shall render all as fair as you receiv'd it.

PAN. That can I easily do.

ALB. And hear you, sir:
If you chance meet with boxes of white comfits,
Marchpane, dry sucket, macaroons, and diet-bread,
'Twill help on well----

RON. To furnish out our banquet.

ALB. I had clean forgot; we must have ambergris,[289]
The greyest can be found, some dozen ounces:
I'll use but half a drachm; but 'tis our fashion
T' offer a little from a greater lump.

PAN. All shall be done with expedition.

ALB. And when your man's transform'd, the chain you promis'd.

PAN. My hand: my deeds shall wait upon my promise.

ALB. Lead then with happy foot to view the chamber.

PAN. I go, sir. Trincalo, attend us here,
And not a word, on peril of thy life.

TRIN. Sir, if they kill me, I'll not stir a foot;
And if my tongue's pull'd out, not speak a word.

SCENE IV.

TRINCALO, CRICCA.

TRIN. O, what a business 'tis to be transform'd!
My master talks of four-and-twenty hours:
But, if I mew these flags[290] of yeomanry,
Gild in the sear,[291] and shine in bloom of gentry,
'Tis not their 'strology nor sacrifice
Shall force me cast that coat. I'll ne'er part with't,
Till I be sheriff of th' county, and in commission
Of peace and quorum. Then will I get m' a clerk,
A practis'd fellow, wiser than my worship,
And domineer amongst my fearful neighbours.
And feast them bountifully with their own bribes.

CRI. Trincalo!

TRIN. Wear a gold chain at every quarter sessions,
Look big and grave, and speak not one wise word.

CRI. Trincalo!

TRIN. Examine wenches got with child, and curiously
Search all the circumstances: have blank mitti-muses
Printed in readiness; breathe nought but, _Sirrah_,
_Rogue, ha? ho? hum? Constable, look to your charge;_
Then vouch a statute and a Latin sentence,
Wide from the matter.

CRI. Trincalo!

TRIN. License all ale-houses;
Match my son Transformation t' a knight's daughter,
And buy a bouncing pedigree of a Welsh herald:
And then----

CRI. What! In such serious meditations?

TRIN. Faith, no; but building castles in the air
While th' weather's fit: O Cricca, such a business!

CRI. What is't?

TRIN. Nay, soft; they're secrets of my master,
Lock'd in my breast: he has the key at's purse-strings.[292]

CRI. My master's secret! keep it, good farmer, keep it;
I would not lend an ear to't, if thou'dst hire me.
Farewell.

TRIN. O, how it boils and swells! if I keep't longer,
'Twill grow t' impostume in my breast, and choke me. Cricca!

CRI. Adieu, good Trincalo; the secrets of our betters
Are dangerous: I dare not know't.

TRIN. But, hear'st thou!
Say, I should tell, can'st keep as close as I do?

CRI. Yes: but I had rather want it. Adieu.

TRIN. Albumazar----

CRI. Farewell.

TRIN. Albumazar----

CRI. Prythee.

TRIN. Albumazar,
Th' astrologer, hath undertook to change me
T' Antonio's shape: this done, must I give Flavia
To my old master, and his maid to Trincalo.

CRI. But where's Pandolfo and Albumazar?

TRIN. Gone newly home to choose a chamber fitting
For transmutation. So: now my heart's at ease.

CRI. I fear the skill and cunning of Albumazar
With his black art, by whom Pandolfo seeks
To compass Flavia, spite of her brother Lelio
And his own son Eugenio, that loves her dearly.
I'll lose no time, but find them, and reveal
The plot, and work to cross this accident. [_Aside._]
But, Trincalo, art thou so rash and vent'rous
To be transform'd with hazard of thy life?

TRIN. What care I for a life, that have a lease
For three: but I am certain there's no danger in't.

CRI. No danger! cut thy finger, and that pains thee;
Then what will't do to shred and mince thy carcase,
Bury't in horse-dung, mould it new, and turn it
T' Antonio? and, when th' art chang'd, if Lelio
Smell out your plot, what worlds of punishment
Thou must endure! Poor Trincalo! the desire
Of gains abuses thee: be not transform'd.

TRIN. Cricca, thou understand'st not: for Antonio,
Whom I resemble, suffers all, not I.

CRI. Yonder they come; I'll hence, and haste to Lelio. [_Exit._

SCENE V.

ALBUMAZAR, PANDOLFO, TRINCALO.[293]

ALB. The chamber's fit: provide the plate and hangings,
And other necessaries: give strict order
The room be cleans'd, perfum'd, and hang'd; meanwhile,
With astrolabe[294] and meteoroscope,[295]
I'll find the cusp[296] and alfridaria,[297]
And know what planet is in cazimi.[298]

PAN. All shall be ready, sir, as you command it.

TRIN. Doctor Albumazar, I have a vein of drinking;
An[299] artery of lechery runs through my body:
Pray, when you turn me, gentlemen, preserve
Those two, if't may be done with reputation.

ALB. Fear not; I'll only call the first good fellowship,[300]
And th' other civil recreation.

TRIN. And when you come
To th' heart, spoil not the love of Armellina;
And in my brain leave as much discretion
As may spy falsehood in a tavern reckoning;
And let me alone for bounty to wink and pay't;
And if you change me perfectly,
I'll bring y' a dozen knights for customers.

ALB. I warrant thee. Sir, are you well instructed
In all these necessaries?

PAN. They're in my table-book.

ALB. Forget not clothes for th' new transform'd, and robes
For me to sacrifice--you know the fashion.
I'll rather change five, than apparel one:
For men have living souls--clothes are unanimate.

PAN. Here, take this ring, deliver it to my brother,
An officer in the Wardrobe; he'll furnish you
With robes and clothes of any stuff or fashion.

ALB. Almuten Alchochoden[301] of the stars attend you.

PAN. I kiss your hands, divine astrologer.

SCENE VI.

PANDOLFO, TRINCALO.

PAN. Up quickly, Trincalo, to my child Sulpitia;
Bid her lay out my fairest damask tablecloths,
The fairest Holland sheets, all the silver plate,
Two gossip's cups of gold, my greatest diamonds:
Make haste.

TRIN. As fast as Alchochoden and Almuten
Can carry me; for (sure) these two are devils.

PAN. This is that blessed day I so much long'd for.
Four hours' attendance, till my man be chang'd,
Fast locks me in the lovely arms of Flavia.
Away, Trincalo! how slow the day
Slides on! when we desire time's haste,
It seems to lose a match with lobsters;
And when we wish him stay, he imps his wings
With feathers plum'd with thought.[302] Why, Trincalo!

TRIN. Here, sir.

PAN. Come, let's away for cloth of silver,
Wine, and materials for the sacrifice. [_Exeunt._

SCENE VII.

LELIO, EUGENIO, CRICCA.

LEL. Eugenio, these words are wonders past belief.
Is your old father of so poor a judgment,
To think it in the power of man to turn
One person to another?

EUG. Lelio, his desire
T' enjoy your sister Flavia begets hope,
Which, like a waking dream, makes false appearance
Lively as truth itself.

LEL. But who's the man
That works these miracles?

EUG. An astrologer.

LEL. How deals astrology with transmutation?

CRI. Under the veil and colour of astrology,
He clouds his hellish skill in necromancy.
Believe it, by some art or false imposture,
He'll much disturb your love, and yours, Eugenio.

LEL. Eugenio, 'tis high time for us t' awake;
And, as you love our Flavia, and I
Your sister, fair Sulpitia, let's do something
Worthy their beauties. Who falls into a sea
Swoll'n big with tempest, but he boldly beats
The waves with arms and legs to save his life?
So let us strive 'gainst troublous storms of love
With our best power, lest after we ascribe
The loss to our dull negligence, not fortune.

EUG. Lelio, had I no interest in your sister,
The holy league of friendship should command me,
Besides the seconding Sulpitia's love,
Who to your nobleness commends her life.

LEL. She cannot outlove me,[303] nor you outfriend me;
For th' sacred name whereof I have rejected
Your father's offers, importunities,
Letters, conditions, servants, friends, and, lastly,
His tender of Sulpitia in exchange
For Flavia. But though I love your sister
Like mine own soul, yet did the laws of friendship
Master that strong affection, and deni'd him.

EUG. Thanks ever, and as long shall my best service
Wait on your will. Cricca, our hope's in thee;
Thou must instruct us.

CRI. You must trust in fortune,
That makes or mars the wisest purposes.

LEL. What say'st? what think'st?

CRI. Here's no great need of thinking
Nor speech; the oil of scorpions cures their poison.
The thing itself that's bent to hurt and hinder you,
Offers a remedy: 'tis no sooner known,
But th' worst on't is prevented.

EUG. How, good Cricca?

CRI. Soon as you see this false Antonio
Come near your doors, with speeches made of purpose,
Full of humility and compassion;
With long narrations, how he 'scap'd from shipwreck,
And other feign'd inventions of his dangers,
Bid him begone; and if he press to enter,
Fear not the reverence of your father's looks;
Cudgel him thence.

LEL. But were't not better, Cricca,
Keep him fast lock'd, till his own shape return;
And so by open course of law correct him.

CRI. No. For my master would conceive that counsel
Sprung from my brains, and so should I repent it.
Advise no more, but home, and charge your people
That, if Antonio come, they drive him thence
With threat'ning words--and blows, if need be.

LEL. 'Tis done.
I kiss your hands, Eugenio.

EUG. Your servant, sir. [_Exit_ LELIO.

SCENE VIII.

EUGENIO, CRICCA, FLAVIA.

EUG. Cricca, commend my service to my mistress.

CRI. Commend it to her yourself. Mark'd you not, while
We talk'd, how through the window she attended,
And fed her eyes on you? there she is.

EUG. 'Tis true:
And, as from nights of storms the glorious sun
Breaks from the east, and chaseth thence the clouds
That chok'd the air with horror, so her beauty
Dispels sad darkness from my troubled thoughts,
And clears my heart.

FLA. Life of my soul, well met.

EUG. How is't, my dearest Flavia?

FLA. Eugenio,
As best becomes a woman most unfortunate--
That, having lov'd so long, and been persuaded
Her chaste affection was by yours requited,
Have by delays been famish'd. Had I conceal'd
Those flames your virtue kindled, then y' had sued,
Entreated, sworn, and vow'd, and, long ere this,
Wrought all means possible to effect our marriage.
But now----

EUG. Sweet soul, despair not; weep not thus,
Unless you wish my heart should lifeblood drop,
Fast as your eyes do tears. What is't you fear?

FLA. First, that you love me not.

EUG. Not love my Flavia!
Wrong not your judgment: rip up this amorous breast,
And in that temple see a heart that burns
I' th' vestal sacrifice of chastest love
Before your beauty's deity.

FLA. If so,
Whence grows this coldness in soliciting
My brother to the match?

EUG. Consider, sweetest,
I have a father, rival in my love;
And though no duty, reverence, nor respect,
Have power to change my thoughts; yet 'tis not comely
With open violence to withstand his will;
But by fair courses try to divert his mind[304]
From disproportioned affections.
And if I cannot, then nor fear of anger,
Nor life, nor lands, shall cross our purposes.
Comfort yourself, sweet Flavia; for your brother
Seconds our hopes with his best services.

FLA. But other fears oppress me: methinks I see
Antonio, my old father, new-return'd,
Whom all intelligence gave drown'd this three months,[305]
Enforcing me to marry th' fool Pandolfo,
Thus to obtain Sulpitia for himself;
And so last night I dream'd, and ever since
Have been so scar'd, that, if you haste[n] not,
Expect my death.

EUG. Dreams flow from thoughts of things we most desire
Or fear; and seldom prove true prophets; would they did!
Then were I now in full possession
Of my best Flavia, as I hope I shall be.

CRI. Sir, pray take your leave: this is to no end,
'Twill but increase your grief and hers.

EUG. Farewell,
Sweet Flavia; rest contented with assurance
Of my best love and service.

FLA. Farewell, Eugenio. [_Exeunt_ EUGENIO _and_ CRICCA.

SCENE IX.

SULPITIA, FLAVIA.

SUL. Flavia, I kiss your hands.

FLA. Sulpitia,
I pray you pardon me; I saw you not.

SUL. I' faith, you have
Some fixed thoughts draw your eyes inward,
When you see not your friends before you.

FLA. True; and, I think, the same that trouble you.

SUL. Then 'tis the love of a young gentleman,
And bitter hatred of an old dotard.

FLA. 'Tis so. Witness your brother Eugenio, and the rotten carcase of Pandolfo. Had I a hundred hearts, I should want room to entertain his love and the other's hate.

SUL. I could say as much, were't not sin to slander the dead. Miserable wenches! How have we offended our fathers, that they should make us the price of their dotage, the medicines of their griefs, that have more need of physic ourselves? I must be frostbitten with the cold of your dad's winter, that mine may thaw his old ice with the spring of your sixteen. I thank my dead mother, that left me a woman's will in her last testament. That's all the weapons we poor girls can use, and with that will I fight 'gainst father, friends, and kindred, and either enjoy Lelio, or die in the field in his quarrel.

FLA. Sulpitia, you are happy that can withstand your fortune with so merry a resolution.

SUL. Why should I twine mine arms to cables,[306] and sigh my soul to air? Sit up all night like a watching-candle,[307] and distil my brains through my eyelids. Your brother loves me, and I love your brother; and where these two consent, I would fain see a third to hinder us.

FLA. Alas! our sex is most wretched, nursed up from infancy in continual slavery. No sooner able to prey for ourselves, but they brail and hud us[308] so with sour awe of parents, that we dare not offer to bate[309] at our own desires. And whereas it becomes men to vent their amorous passions at their pleasure, we (poor souls) must rake up our affections in the ashes of a burnt heart, not daring to sigh without excuse of the spleen or fit of the mother.

SUL. I plainly will profess my love of Lelio. 'Tis honest, chaste, and stains not modesty. Shall I be married to Antonio, that hath been a soused sea-fish these three months? And if he be alive, comes home with as many impairs as a hunting gelding or a fallen pack-horse. No, no; I'll see him freeze to crystal first. In other things, good father, I am your most obedient daughter, but in this a pure woman. 'Tis your part to offer--mine to refuse, if I like not. Lelio's a handsome gentleman, young, fresh, rich, and well-fashioned; and him will Sulpitia have, or die a maid. And, i' faith, the temper of my blood tells me I never was born to so cold a misfortune. Fie, Flavia! fie, wench! [labour] no more with tears and sighs; cheer up. Eugenio, to my knowledge, loves you, and you shall have him; I say, you shall have him.

FLA. I doubt not of his love, but know no means how he dares work against so great a rival. Your father, in a spleen, may disinherit him.

SUL. And give't to whom? H' has none but him and me. What though he doat awhile upon your beauty, he will not prove unnatural to his son. Go to your chamber. My genius whispers in my ear, and swears this night we shall enjoy our loves, and with that hope farewell.

FLA. Farewell, Sulpitia. [_Exeunt._

FOOTNOTES:

[272] See note to "Green's Tu quoque," p. 200.

[273] Two playhouses. The _Fortune_ belonged to the celebrated Edward
Alleyn, and stood in Whitecross Street. The _Red Bull_ was situated in
St John Street.

[274] This alludes to the fashion then much followed, of wearing bands
washed and dyed with _yellow starch_. The inventress of them was Mrs
Turner, a woman of an infamous character; who, being concerned in the
murder of Sir Thomas Overbury, was executed at Tyburn in a lawn ruff
of her favourite colour. "With her," says Howell, in his "Letters," p.
19, edit. 1754, "I believe that yellow starch, which so much
disfigured our nation, and rendered them so ridiculous and fantastic,
will receive its funeral." And of the same opinion was Sir Simonds
D'Ewes who, in [his "Autobiography," edit. Halliwell, p. 79], says,
"Mrs Turner had first brought upp that vaine and foolish use of
_yellow starch_, ... and therefore, when shee was afterwards executed
at Tiburne, the hangman had his _bande_ and cuffs of the same couler,
which made many, after that day, of either sex, to forbeare the use of
that _coulered starch_, till at last it grew generallie to bee
detested and disused." This execution happened in the year 1615; but
the reformation predicted by Howell, and partly asserted by D'Ewes to
have happened, was not the consequence, as will appear from the
following passage, extracted from a pamphlet called "The Irish Hubbub,
or the English Hue and Crie," by Barnaby Rich, 4º, 1622, p. 40: "Yet
the open exclamation that was made by Turner's wife at the houre of
her death, in the place where shee was executed, cannot be hidden,
when, before the whole multitude that were there present, she so
bitterly protested against the vanitie of those _yellow starcht
bands_, that her outcries (as it was thought) had taken such
impression in the hearts of her hearers, that _yellow starcht bands_
would have been ashamed (for ever after to have shewed themselves
about the neckes, either of men that were wise, or women that were
honest) but we see our expectations have failed us, for _they beganne
even then to be more generall than they were before_." Again, p. 41:
"You knowe tobacco is in great trading, but you shall be merchants,
and onely for egges: for whereas one pipe of tobacco will suffice
three or four men at once; now ten or twenty eggs will hardly suffice
to starch one of these _yellow bands:_ a fashion that I thinke shortly
will be as conversant amongst taylors, tapsters, and tinkers, as now
they have brought tobacco. But a great magistrate, to disgrace it,
enjoyned the hangman of London to become one of that fraternitie, and
to follow the fashion; and, the better to enable him, he bestowed of
him some benevolence to pay for his laundry: and who was now so
briske, with a yellow feather in his hat, and a _yellow starcht band_
about his necke, walking in the streets of London, as was master
hangman? so that my young masters, that have sithence fallen into that
trimme, they doe but imitate the hangman's president, the which, how
ridiculous a matter it is, I will leave to themselves to thinke on."
And that the fashion prevailed some years after Mrs Turner's death may
be proved from Sir Simon D'Ewes's relation of the procession of King
James from Whitehall to the Parliament House, Westminster, 30th
January 1620 [_i.e._, 1621]: "In the king's short progresse from
Whitehall to Westminster, these passages following were accounted
somewhat remarkable--And fourthlie, that, looking upp to one window,
as he passed, full of gentlewomen or ladies, all in _yellow bandes_,
he cried out aloud, 'A pox take yee, are yee ther?' at which, being
much ashamed, they all withdrew themselves suddenlie from the window."

[275] When the king visited the different parts of the country.

When the court made those excursions, which were called Progresses, to
the seats of the nobility and gentry, waggons and other carriages were
impressed for the purpose of conveying the king's baggage,
&c.--_Pegge._

This privilege in the crown was continued until the civil wars in the
reign of Charles the First, and had been exercised in a manner very
oppressive to the subject, insomuch that it frequently became the
object of Parliamentary complaint and regulation. During the
suspension of monarchy it fell into disuse, and King Charles II at the
Restoration consented, for a consideration, to relinquish this as well
as all other powers of purveyance and pre-emption. Accordingly, by
stat. 12, Car. II. c. xxiv. s. 12, it was declared that no officer
should in future take any cart, carriage, or other thing, nor summon
or require any person to furnish any horses, oxen, or other cattle,
carts, ploughs, wains, or other carriages, for any of the royal
family, without the full consent of the owner. An alteration of this
act was made the next year, wherein the rates were fixed which should
be paid on these occasions, and other regulations were made for
preventing the abuse of this prerogative.

[276] A burlesque on the speech of Hieronimo in "The Spanish Tragedy."
See also note to "Green's Tu quoque," and the addition to it [xi.
248.]

[277] _i.e._, Towards bedtime. So in "Coriolanus"--

"And tapers burn'd to _bedward_."

--_Steevens._

[278] Pounded. See note to "The Ordinary," act v. sc. 4, [vol. xii.]

[279] [Edits., _appear speck and span gentlemen_.] _Speck and span
new_ is a phrase not yet out of use; _span new_ occurs in Chaucer's
"Troilus and Creseide," bk. iii. l. 1671--

"This tale was aie _span newe_ to beginne,
Til that the night departed 'hem at winne."

This is thought a phrase of some difficulty. It occurs in Fuller's
"Worthies," Herefordshire, p. 40, where we read of _spick and span new
money_. A late friend of mine was willing to deduce it from spinning,
as if it were a phrase borrowed from the clothing art, _quasi_ new
spun from the spike or brooche. It is here written _speck and span_,
and in all cases means _entire_. I deem it tantamount to every _speck
and every span, i.e._, all over.--_Pegge._

In "Hudibras," Part I. c. 3, l. 397, are these lines--

"Then, while the honour thou hast got
Is _spick and span new_, piping hot," &c.

Upon which Dr Grey has this note: "Mr Ray observes ('English
Proverbs,' 2d edit. p. 270), that this proverbial phrase, according to
Mr Howel, comes from _spica_, an ear of corn: but rather, says he, as
I am informed from a better author, _spike_ is a sort of _nail_, and
_spawn_ the _chip_ of a boat; so that it is all one as to say, every
_chip_ and _nail_ is new. But I am humbly of opinion that it rather
comes from _spike_, which signifies a _nail_, and a _nail_ in measure
is the 16th part of a yard; and _span_, which is in measure a quarter
of a yard, or nine inches; and all that is meant by it, when applied
to a new suit of clothes, is that it has been just measured from the
piece by the _nail_ and _span_." See the expression in Ben Jonson's
"Bartholomew Fair," act iii. sc. 5. [See Nares, edit. 1859; Hazlitt's
"Proverbs," 1869; and Wedgwood's "Dictionary of English Etymology,"
all in _v._]

[280] [Edits., _Hilech_.] The name of Ursa Major in Greek.--_Pegge._

[281] A famous Indian philosopher (Fabricius, p. 281); but why he
terms him a Babylonian I cannot conceive.--_Pegge._

[282] See [Suckling's Works, by Hazlitt, ii. 4.]

[283] I believe this word should be Artenosoria, the doctrine of
Antidotes; unless we should read Artenasoria in allusion to
Tallicotius and his method of making supplemental noses, referred to
by Butler in "Hudibras."--_Pegge._

[284] Coskinomancy is the art of divining by a sieve.--_Pegge._

[285] It was not known then, I presume, that Venus had her increase
and decrease.--_Pegge._

[286] The Greek word for _Plenilunium_.--_Pegge._

[287] All people then wore bands.--_Pegge._

[288] i.e., Bottles out of which liquid perfumes were anciently cast
or thrown.--_Steevens._ They are mentioned in "Lingua," [ix. 419.]

[289] See note to the "Antiquary," [act iv. sc. 1, vol. xiii.]

[290] These, and what follows are terms of falconry; _flags_, in
particular, are the second and baser order of feathers in the hawk's
wing (Chambers's "Dictionary").--_Pegge._

[291] The _sear_ is the yellow part between the beak and the eyes of
the hawk.--_Pegge._

[292] They usually carried the keys of their cabinets there.--_Pegge._

[293] The first 4º inserts the name of _Cricca_ for that of Trincalo,
which is decidedly wrong.--_Collier._

[294] An instrument chiefly used for taking the altitude of the pole,
the sun, or stars, at sea.

[295] A name given to such instruments as are used for observing and
determining the distances, magnitudes, and places of the heavenly
bodies.

[296] A term to express the points or horns of the moon, or other
luminary.

[297] With astrologers, is a temporary power they imagine the planets
have over the life of any person.

[298] The centre of the sun. A planet is said to be in _cazimi_ when
it is not above 70 degrees distant from the body of the sun.

[299] [Old copy, _And_.]

[300] Sir Thomas Wyat, in his celebrated letter to John Poines, has a
passage much in point--

"To ioyne the meane with ech extremitie,
With nearest vertue ay to cloke the vice.
And as to purpose likewise it shall fall
To presse the vertue that it may not rise,
As _dronkennesse good-felowship to call_."

--_Collier._

[301] _Almuten,_ with astronomers, is the lord of a figure, or the
strongest planet in a nativity. _Alchochoden_ is the giver of life or
years, the planet which bears rule in the principal places of an
astrological figure when a person is born; so that his life may be
expected longer or shorter, according to the station, &c., of this
planet.

[302] "To _impe_," says Blount, "is a term most usual among falconers,
and is when a feather in a hawkes wing is broken, and another piece
imped or graffed on the stump of the old." "_Himp_ or _imp,_ in the
British language, is _surculus_ a young graffe or twig; thence
_impio_, the verb to innoculate or graff. Hence the word to _imp_ is
borrowed by the English; first, surely, to graff trees, and thence
translated to _imping_ feathers." See also Mr Steevens's note on "King
Richard II.," act ii. sc. 1.

[303] _Me_ is omitted in the two quartos.--_Collier._

[304] _To_, the sign of the infinitive, is often omitted, and the
verse requires it should be expunged here.--_Pegge._ Both the quartos
read as in the text.--_Reed._

[305] Mr Reed allowed this line to stand--

"Whom all intelligence _have_ drown'd this three months."

The restoration of the true reading also restores the grammar of the
passage.--_Collier._

[306] The same thought occurs in Shakespeare's "Love's Labour's Lost,"
act iv. sc. 3--

"O me! with what strict patience have I sat,
To see a king transformed _to a knot_!"

[307] Mr Steevens, in his note to "King Richard III.," act v. sc. 3,
observes there was anciently a particular kind of candle, called a
_watch_ because, being marked out into sections, each of which was a
certain portion of time in burning, it supplied the place of the more
modern instrument by which we measure the hours. He also says these
candles are represented with great nicety in some of the pictures of
Albert Durer.

[308] These words, as here printed, may be the pure language of
falconry, like _bate_, which follows, and signifies to _flutter_. Yet
I suspect that for _brail_ we should read _berail_, and for _hud_ us,
_hood_ us.

[309] Latham calls it _bat_, and explains it to be "when a hawke
fluttereth with her wings, either from the pearch, or the man's fist,
striving, as it were, to flie away or get libertie."