Chapter V: Part 5

These are strange Compliments! _Torrismond_ calls his Queen Rebel to her head, when he was both her General and her Lover. This is powerful Rhetorick to Court a Queen with! Enough one would think to have made the Affair desperate. But he has a Remedy at hand. The _Poets Nostrum_ of Profaness cures all. He does as good as tell Her, she may Sin as much as she has a mind to. Her Face is a Protection to her Conscience. For Heaven is under a necessity to forgive a Handsom Woman. To say all this ought to be pass'd over in _Torrismond_ on the score of his Passion, is to make the Excuse more scandalous than the Fault, if possible. Such Raptures are fit only for _Bedlam_, or a place which I shan't name. _Love Triumphant_ will furnish another Rant not altogether inconsiderable. Here _Celadea_ a Maiden Lady when she was afraid her Spark would be married to another, calls out presently for a _Chaos_. She is for pulling the World about her ears, tumbling all the Elements together, and expostulates with Heaven for making Humane Nature otherwise than it should have been.

_Great Nature break thy chain that links together
The Fabrick of this Globe, and make a Chaos,
Like that within my Soul._----[329]

Now to my fancy, if she had call'd for a _Chair_ instead of a _Chaos_, trip'd off, and kept her folly to her self, the Woman had been much wiser. And since we have shown our Skill in vaulting on the High Ropes, a little _Tumbling_ on the _Stage_, may not do amiss for variety.

Now then for a jest or two. _Don Gomez_ shall begin:[330] And here he'le give us a Gingle upon the double meaning of a word.

_I think_, says _Dominick_ the Fryar, _it was my good Angel that sent me hither so opportunely_. _Gomez_ suspects him brib'd for no creditable business and answers.

Gom. _Ay, whose good Angels sent you hither, that you know best, Father._

These _Spaniards_ will entertain us with more of this fine Raillery. Colonel _Sancho_ in _Love Triumphant_ has a great stroak at it. He says his Bride _Dalinda_ is no more _Dalinda_, but _Dalilah_ the _Philistine_.[331] This Colonel as great a Soldier as he is, is quite puzzled at a _Herald_. He _thinks they call him_ Herod, _or some such Jewish Name_. Here you have a good Officer spoil'd for a miserable jest.[332] And yet after all, this _Sancho_ tho' he can't pronounce _Herald_, knows what 'tis to be _Laconick_, which is somewhat more out of his way. _Thraso_ in _Terence_[333] was a man of the same size in Sense, but for all that he does not quibble. _Albanact_ Captain of the Guards,[334] is much about as witty as _Sancho_. It seems _Emmeline_ Heiress to the Duke of _Cornwal_ was Blind. _Albanact_ takes the rise of his Thought from hence; And observes _that as Blind as she is, Coswald would have no blind Bargain of her_. _Carlos_ tells _Sancho_ he is sure of his Mistress,[335] and _has no more to do but to take out a License_.

_Sancho_ replies, _Indeed I have her License for it_. _Carlos_ is somewhat angry at this Gingle, and cries, _what quibling too in your Prosperity_? Adversity it seems is the only time for _punning_. Truly I think so too. For 'tis a sign a Man is much Distress'd when he flies to such an Expedient. However, _Carlos_ needed not to have been so touchy: For He can stoop as low himself upon occasion. We must know then that _Sancho_ had made Himself a Hunch'd Back, to counterfeit the _Conde Alonzo_. The two Colonels being in the same Disguise, were just upon the edg of a Quarrel. After some Preliminaries in Railing, _Sancho_ cries, _Don't provoke me; I am mischeivously bent_.

Carlos replies, _Nay, you are_ Bent _enough in Conscience, but I have a_ Bent Fist _for Boxing_. Here you have a brace of Quibbles started in a Line and a half. And which is worst of all, they come from _Carlos_, from a _Character_ of Sense; And therefore the poet, not the _Soldier_, must answer for them.

I shall now give the _Reader_ a few Instances of the Courtship of the _Stage_, and how decently they treat the Women, and _Quality_ of both _Sexes_. The _Women_ who are secured from Affronts by Custom, and have a Privilege for Respect, are sometimes but roughly saluted by these Men of Address. And to bar the Defence, this Coarseness does not alwaies come from Clowns, and Women-haters; but from _Persons_ of Figure, neither singular, nor ill Bred. And which is still worse, The Satir falls on blindly without Distinction, and strikes at the whole _Sex_.

Enter _Raymond_ a Noble-man in the _Spanish Fryar_.[336]

_O Vertue! Vertue! What art thou become?
That men should leave thee for that Toy a woman,
Made from the dross and refuse of a Man;
Heaven took him sleeping when he made her too,
Had Man been waking he had nee'r consented._

I did not know before that a Man's Dross lay in his _Ribs_; I believe sometimes it lies Higher. But the Philosophy, the Religion, and the Ceremony of these Lines, are too tender to be touched. _Creon_ a Prince in _Oedipus_,[337] railes in General at the _Sex_, and at the same time is violently in Love with _Euridice_. This upon the Matter, is just as natural, as 'tis Civil. If any one would understand what the _Curse of all tender hearted Women is, Belmour_ will inform him. What is it then? 'Tis the _Pox_.[338] If this be true, the Women had need lay in a stock of ill Nature betimes. It seems 'tis their only preservative. It guards their Virtue, and their Health, and is all they have to trust to. _Sharper_ another Man of Sense in this _Play_, talks much at the same rate. _Belinda_ would know of him _where he got that excellent Talent of Railing_?

Sharp. _Madam the Talent was Born with me.----I confess I have taken care to improve it, to qualifie me for the Society of Ladies._[339] _Horner_, a Topping _Character_ in the _Country Wife_, is advised to _avoid Women, and hate them as they do him_. _He Answers._

_Because I do hate them, and would hate them yet more, I'll frequent e'm; you may see by Marriage, nothing makes a Man hate a Woman more than her Constant Conversation._[340] There is still something more Coarse upon the _Sex_ spoken by _Dorax_[341] but it is a privileged Expression, and as such I must leave it. The _Relapse_ mends the Contrivance of the Satir, refines upon the Manner, and to make the Discourse the more probable, obliges the Ladies to abuse themselves. And because I should be loath to tire the _Reader, Berenthia_ shall close the Argument. This Lady having undertook the Employment of a _Procuress_, makes this remark upon it to her self.

Berinth. _So here is fine work! But there was no avoiding it.----Besides, I begin to Fancy there may be as much Pleasure in carrying on another Bodies Intrigue, as ones own. This is at least certain, It exercises almost all the Entertaining Faculties of a Woman. For there is Employment for Hypocrisie, Invention, Deceit, Flattery, Mischief, and Lying._

Let us now see what Quarter the _Stage_ gives to _Quality_. And here we shall find them extreamly free, and familiar. They dress up the _Lords_ in Nick Names, and expose them in _Characters_ of Contempt. _Lord Froth_ is explain'd a _Solemn Coxcomb_;[342] And _Lord Rake_, and _Lord Foplington_ give you their Talent in their Title.[343] Lord _Plausible_ in the _Plain Dealer_ Acts a ridiculous Part, but is with all very civil. He tells _Manly he never attempted to abuse any Person_, The other answers; _What? you were afraid?_[344] _Manly_ goes on and declares _He would call a Rascal by no other Title, tho' his Father had left him a Dukes_.[345] That is, he would call a Duke a Rascal. This I confess is very much _Plain Dealing_. Such Freedoms would appear but odly in Life, especially without Provocation. I must own the _Poet_ to be an Author of good Sense; But under favour, these jests, if we may call them so, are somewhat high Season'd, the Humour seems overstrain'd, and the _Character_ push'd too far. To proceed. _Mustapha_ was selling _Don Alvarez_ for a Slave. The Merchant asks _what Virtues he has_.[346] _Mustapha_ replies. _Virtues quoth ah! He is of a great Family and Rich, what other Virtues would'st thou have in a Nobleman?_ Don _Carlos_ in _Love Triumphant_ stands for a Gentleman, and a Man of Sense, and out-throws _Mustapha_ a Bars Length. He tells us _Nature has given_ Sancho _an empty Noddle, but Fortune in revenge has fill'd his Pockets: just a Lords Estate in Land and Wit_.[347] This is a handsom Compliment to the Nobility! And my Lord _Salisbury_ had no doubt of it a good Bargain of the _Dedication_.[348] _Teresa's_ general Description of a Countess is considerable in its Kind: But only 'tis in no Condition to appear. In the _Relapse_, Sir _Tunbelly_ who had Mistaken Young _Fashion_ for Lord _Foplington_, was afterwards undeceiv'd; and before the surprize was quite over, puts the Question, _is it then possible that this should be the true Lord_ Foplington _at Last_? The Nobleman removes the scruple with great Civility and Discretion! _Lord_ Fopl. _Why what do you see in his Face to make you doubt of it? Sir without presuming to have an extraordinary Opinion of my Figure, give me leave to tell you, if you had seen as many Lords as I have done you would not think it Impossible A Person of a worse Taille then mine might be a Modern Man of Quality._[349]

I'm sorry to hear _Modern Quality_ degenerates so much. But by the way, these Liberties are altogether new. They are unpractised by the Latin _Comedians_, and by the _English_ too till very lately, as the _Plain Dealer_ observes.[350] And as for _Moliere_ in _France_, he pretends to fly his Satir no higher than a Marquis.[351]

And has our _Stage_ a particular Privilege? Is their _Charter_ inlarg'd, and are they on the same Foot of Freedom with the _Slaves_ in the _Saturnalia_? Must all Men be handled alike? Must their Roughness be needs play'd upon Title? And can't they lash the Vice without pointing upon the _Quality_? If as Mr. _Dryden_ rightly defines it, a _Play ought to be a just Image of Humane Nature_;[352] Why are not the Decencies of Life, and, the Respects of Conversation observ'd? Why must the Customes of Countries be Cross'd upon, and the Regards of Honour overlook'd? What necessity is there to kick the _Coronets_ about the _Stage_, and to make a Man a Lord, only in order to make him a Coxcomb. I hope the _Poets_ don't intend to revive the old Project of Levelling and _Vote_ down the House of _Peers_. In earnest, the _Play-house_ is an admirable School of Behaviour! This is their way of managing Ceremony, distinguishing Degree, and Entertaining the _Boxes_! But I shall leave them at present to the Enjoyment of their Talent, and proceed to another Argument.

CHAP. V.

_Remarks upon_ Amphytrion, King Arthur, Don Quixote, _and the_ Relapse.

SECTION I.

The following _Plays_, excepting the Last, will fall under the same Heads of Commendation with the Former. However, since the _Poets_ have here been prodigal in their Expence, and dress'd themselves with more Curiosity then ordinary, they deserve a proportionable Regard. So much Finery must not be Crowded. I shall therefore make Elbow-Room for their Figure, and allow them the Compass of a distinct Chapter.

To begin with _Amphytrion_. In this _Play_ Mr. _Dryden_ represents _Jupiter_ with the Attributes of the supream Being: He furnishes him with Omnipotence, makes him the Creator of Nature, and the Arbiter of Fate, puts all the Functions of Providence in his Hand, and describes him with the Majesty of the true God.[353] And when he has put Him in this glorious Equipage, he brings him out for Diversion. He makes him express himself in the most intemperate Raptures:[354] He is willing to _Renounce_ his _Heaven_ for his Brutality, and employ a whole _Eternity_ in Lewdness. He draws his Debauch at its full Length, with all the Art, and Heightings, and Foulness of Idea immaginable. This _Jupiter_ is not contented with his success against _Amphitrion_, unless he brings _Alcmena_ into the Confederacy, and makes her a Party _ex post Facto_. He would not have her think of her _Husband_, but her _Lover_, that is, her _Whoremaster_. 'Tis not the success, but the manner of gaining it which is all in all. 'Tis the Vice which is the charming Circumstance. Innocence and Regularity, are dangerous Companions; They spoil Satisfaction, and make every Thing insipid! Unless People take care to discharge their Virtue, and clear off their Conscience, their Senses will vanish immediately! For _Jupiter_, says he,[355] would _owe nothing to a Name so dull as Husband_. And in the next Page.

_That very name of Wife And Marriage
Is poyson to the dearest sweets of Love._[356]

I would give the _Reader_ some more of these fine Sentences, but that they are too much out of Order to appear. The truth is, Our _Stage-Poets_ seem to fence against Censure by the excess of Lewdness; And to make the overgrown size of a Crime, a Ground for Impunity. As if a Malefactor should project his Escape by appearing too scandalous for Publick Tryal. However, This is their Armour of Proof, this is the Strength they retreat to. They are fortified in Smut, and almost impregnable in Stench, so that where they deserve most, there's no coming at them. To proceed. I desire to know what Authority Mr. _Dryden_ has for this extraordinary Representation? His Original _Plautus_, is no President. Indeed _Plautus_ is the only bold Heathen that ever made _Jupiter_ tread the _Stage_. But then he stops far short of the Liberties of the _English Amphitrion. Jupiter_ at _Rome_, and _London_, have the same unaccountable Design; but the Methods of pursuit are very different. The First, does not solicit in scandalous Language, nor flourish upon his Lewdness, nor endeavours to set it up for the Fashion. _Plautus_ had some regard to the Height of the Character, and the Opinion of his Country, and the Restraints of Modesty. The Sallies of _Aristophanes_ do not come up to the case; And if they did, I have cut off the Succours from that Quarter already. _Terence's Chærea_. is the next bold Man:[357] However, here the Fable of _Jupiter_ and _Danae_ are just glanced at, and the Expression is clean; and He that tells the Story, a Young Libertine. These are all circumstances of extenuation, and give quite another Complexion to the Thing. As for the _Greek Tragedians_ and _Seneca_, there's no Prescription can be drawn from them. They mention _Jupiter_ in Terms of Magnificence and Respect, and make his Actions, and his Nature of a piece. But it may be the Celebrated _Homer_, and _Virgil_ may give Mr. _Dryden_ some Countenance. Not at all. _Virgil's Jupiter_ is alwaies great, and solemn, and keeps up the port of a Deity. 'Tis true, _Homer_ does not guard the Idea with that exactness, but then He never sinks the Character into Obscenity. The most exceptionable passage is that where _Jupiter_ relates his Love Adventures to _Juno_. Here this pretended Deity is charm'd with _Venus_'s Girdle, is in the height of his Courtship, and under the Ascendant of his Passion. This 'tis confess'd was a slippery Place, and yet the Poet makes a shift to keep his Feet. His _Jupiter_ is Little, but not nauseous; The Story, tho' improper, will bear the telling, and look Conversation in the Face. However; These Freedoms of _Homer_ were counted intolerable: I shall not insist on the Censures of _Justin Martyr_, or _Clemens Alexandrinus_: Even the Heathen could not endure them. The Poets are lashed by _Plato_ upon this Score; For planting Vice in Heaven, and making their Gods infectious; If Mr. _Dryden_ answers that _Jupiter_ can do us no Harm.[358] He is known to be an Idol of Lewd Memory, and therefore his Example can have no Force: Under Favour this is a mistake: For won't Pitch daub when a dirty Hand throws it; or can't a Toad spit Poyson because she's ugly? Ribaldry is dangerous under any Circumstances of Representation. And as _Menander_ and St. _Paul_ express it, _Evil Communications corrupt good Manners_. I mention them both, because if the _Apostle_ should be dislik'd, the _Comedian_ may pass. But after all, Mr. _Dryden_ has not so much as a Heathen President for his Singularities. What then made him fall into them? Was it the Decency of the Thing, and the Propriety of _Character_, and Behaviour? By no means. For as I have observ'd before, Nature and Operations, ought to be proportion'd, and Behaviour suited to the Dignity of Being. To draw a Monkey in Royal Robes, and a Prince in _Antick_, would be Farce upon Colours, entertain like a Monster, and please only upon the score of Deformity. Why then does Mr. _Dryden_ cross upon Nature and Authority, and go off as he Confesses, from the Plan of _Plautus_, and _Moliere_? Tho' by the way, the English _Amphitryon_ has borrow'd most of the Libertine Thoughts of _Moliere_, and improv'd them. But to the former question. Why must the beaten Road be left? He tells us, _That the difference of our_ Stage _from the Roman and the French did so require it_.[359] That is, our _Stage_ must be much more Licentious. For you are to observe that Mr. _Dryden_, and his Fraternity, have help'd to debauch the _Town_, and Poyson their Pleasures to an unusal Degree: And therefore the Diet must be dress'd to the Palate of the _Company_. And since they are made _Scepticks_, they must be entertain'd as such. That the English _Amphitryon_ was contriv'd with this View is too plain to be better interpreted. To what purpose else does _Jupiter_ appear in the shape of _Jehovah_? Why are the incommunicable _Attributes_ burlesqu'd, and Omnipotence applyed to Acts of Infamy? To what end can such Horrible stuff as this serve, unless to expose the Notion, and extinguish the Belief of a Deity? The Perfections of God, are Himself. To ridicule his Attributes and his Being, are but two words for the same Thing. These Attributes are bestow'd on _Jupiter_ with great Prodigality, and afterwards execrably outrag'd. The Case being thus, the Cover of an Idol, is too thin a pretence to Screen the Blasphemy. Nothing but Mr. _Dryden's Absolom_ and _Achitophel_ can out-do This. Here I confess the Motion of his Pen is bolder, and the Strokes more Black'd. Here we have Blasphemy on the top of the Letter, without any trouble of Inference, or Construction. This Poem runs all upon Scripture Names, Upon Suppositions of the true Religion, and the right Object of Worship. Here Profaness is shut out from Defence, and lies open without Colour or Evasion. Here are no Pagan Divinities in the Scheme, so that all the Atheistick Raillery must point upon the true God. In the beginning we are told that _Absalom_ was _David's_ Natural Son: So then there's a blot in his _Scutcheon_ and a Blemish upon his Birth. The _Poet_ will make admirable use of this, remark presently! This _Absalom_ it seems was very extraordinary in his Person and Performances. Mr. _Dryden_ does not certainly know how this came about, and therefore enquires of himself in the first place,

_Whether inspired with a diviner Lust,
His Father got him_----[360]

This is down right Defiance of the Living God! Here you have the very Essence and Spirit of Blasphemy, and the Holy Ghost brought in upon the most hideous Occasion. I question whether the Torments and Despair of the Damn'd, dare venture at such Flights as these. They are beyond Description, I Pray God they may not be beyond Pardon too. I can't forbear saying, that the next bad Thing to the writing these Impieties, is to Suffer them. To return to _Amphitryon_. _Phoebus_ and _Mercury_ have _Manners_ assign'd very disagreeable to their Condition. The later abating Propriety of Language, talks more like a _Water-man_ than a Deity. They rail against the Gods, and call _Mars_ and _Vulcan_ the _two Fools of Heaven. Mercury_ is pert upon his Father _Jupiter_, makes jests upon his Pleasures, and his Greatness, and is horribly smutty and profane.[361] And all this Misbehaviour comes from him in his own shape, and in the sublimity of his Character. Had He run Riot in the Disguise of _Sofia_, the Discourse and the Person had been better adjusted, and the Extravagance more Pardonable. But here the Decorum is quite lost. To see the _Immortals_ play such Gambols, and the biggest Beings do the least Actions, is strangely unnatural. An Emperour in the Grimaces of an Ape, or the Diversions of a Kitten, would not be half so ridiculous. Now as Monsieur _Rapin_ observes, without Decorum there can be no _probability_, nor without Probability any true Beauty. Nature must be minded, otherwise Things will look forced, tawdry, and chimerical. Mr. _Dryden_ discourses very handsomly on this occasion in his _Preface_ to _Albion_ and _Albanius_.[362] He informs us, _That Wit has been truly defin'd a propriety of Words and Thoughts.----That Propriety of Thought is that Fancy which arises naturally from the Subject._ Why then without doubt, the Quality, of Characters should be taken care of, and great Persons appear like themselves. Yes, yes, all this is granted by implication, and Mr. _Dryden_ comes still nearer to the present case. He tells us, that _Propriety is to be observed, even in Machines; And that the Gods are all to manage their Peculiar Provinces_. He instances in some of their respective Employments; but I don't find that any of them were to talk Lewdly. No. He plainly supposes the contrary. For as he goes on, _If they were to speak upon the Stage it would follow of necessity, that the Expressions should be Lofty, Figurative, and Majestical_. It seems then their Behaviour should be agreeable to their Greatness. Why then are not these Rules observ'd, in the _Machines_ of _Amphitrion_? As I take it, Obscenity has not the Air of Majesty, nor any Alliance with the _Sublime_. And as for the _Figurative_ Part, 'tis generally of the same Cut with the _Lofty_: The Smut shines clear, and strong, through the Metaphor, and is no better screen'd than the Sun by a Glass Window. To use _Mercury_ thus ill, and make the God of Eloquence speak so unlike himself is somewhat strange! But tho' the _Antients_ knew nothing of it, there are Considerations above those of _Decency_. And when this happens, _A Rule must rather be trespass'd on, than a Beauty left out_. 'Tis Mr. _Dryden's_ opinion in his _Cleomenes_, where he breaks the _Unity of Time_, to describe the _Beauty_ of a Famine.[363] Now Beauty is an arbitrary Advantage, and depends upon Custom and Fancy. With some People the Blackest Complexions are the handsomest. 'Tis to these _African_ Criticks that Mr. _Dryden_ seems to make his Appeal. And without doubt he bespeaks their Favour, and strikes their Imagination luckily enough. For to lodge Divinity and Scandal together; To make the Gods throw _Stars_, like _Snow-balls_ at one another, but especially to Court in Smut, and rally in Blasphemy, is most admirably entertaining! This is much better than all the Niceties of _Decorum_. 'Tis handsomly contriv'd to slur the Notion of a Superiour Nature, to disarm the Terrors of Religion, and make the Court Above as Romantick as that of the _Fairies_. A Libertine when his Conscience is thus reliev'd, and Atheism sits easie upon his Spirits, can't help being grateful upon the Occasion. Meer Interest will oblige him to cry up the Performance, and solicit for the _Poets_ Reputation! Before I take leave of these _Machines_, it may not be amiss to enquire why the Gods are brought into the _Spiritual Court_.[364] Now I suppose the Creditableness of the Business, and the _Poets_ Kindness to those _Places_, are the principal Reasons of their coming. However. He might have a farther Design in his Head, and that is, to bring _Thebes_ to _London_, and to show the Antiquity of _Doctors Commons_. For if you will believe _Mercury_, this Conference between him and _Phoebus_ was held three thousand years ago.[365] Thus _Shakespear_ makes _Hector_ talk about _Aristotles_ Philosophy,[366] and calls Sr. _John Old Castle_, _Protestant_.[367] I had not mention'd this Discovery in Chronology, but that Mr. _Dryden_ falls upon _Ben Johnson_, for making _Cataline give Fire at the Face of a Cloud_, before Guns were invented.

By the Pattern of these pretended _Deities_, we may guess what sort of _Mortals_ we are likely to meet with. Neither are we mistaken. For _Phædra_, is bad enough in all Conscience, but _Bromia_ is a meer Original. Indeed when Mr. _Dryden_ makes _Jupiter_, and _Jupiter_ makes the Women, little less can be expected. So much for _Amphitrion_.

I shall pass on to _King Arthur_ for a word or two.[368] Now here is a strange jumble and Hotch potch of Matters, if you mind it. Here we have _Genii_, and _Angels_, _Cupids_, _Syrens_, and _Devils_; _Venus_ and St. _George_, _Pan_ and the _Parson_, the Hell of Heathenism, and the Hell of _Revelation_; A fit of Smut, and then a Jest about Original Sin. And why are Truth and Fiction, Heathenism and Christianity, the most Serious and the most Trifling Things blended together, and thrown into one Form of Diversion? Why is all this done unless it be to ridicule the whole, and make one as incredible as the other? His _Airy_ and _Earthy Spirits_ discourse of the first state of Devils, of their _Chief_ of their Revolt, their Punishment, and Impostures. This Mr. _Dryden_ very Religiously calls a _Fairy way of Writing, which depends only on the Force of Imagination_.[369] What then is the Fall of the Angels a Romance? Has it no basis of Truth, nothing to support it, but strength of Fancy, and Poetick Invention? After He had mention'd Hell, Devils, _&c_. and given us a sort of _Bible_ description of these formidable Things; I say after he had formed his Poem in this manner, I am surprized to hear him call it a _Fairy kind of Writing_. Is the History of _Tophet_ no better prov'd than that of _Styx_? Is the Lake of _Brimstone_ and that of _Phlegeton_ alike dreadful? And have we as much Reason to believe the Torments of _Titius_ and _Prometheus_, as those of the Devils and Damn'd? These are lamentable Consequences! And yet I can't well see how the _Poet_ can avoid them. But setting aside this miserable Gloss in the _Dedication_, the Representation it self is scandalously irreligious. To droll upon the Vengeance of Heaven, and the Miseries of the Damn'd, is a sad Instance of Christianity! Those that bring Devils upon the _Stage_, can hardly believe them any where else. Besides, the Effects of such an Entertainment must needs be admirable! To see Hell thus play'd with is a mighty Refreshment to a lewd Conscience, and a byass'd Understanding. It heartens the Young Libertine, and confirms the well-wishers to Atheism, and makes Vice bold, and enterprising. Such Diversions serve to dispel the Gloom, and guild the Horrors of the _Shades below_, and are a sort of Ensurance against Damnation. One would think these _Poets_ went upon absolute Certainty, and could demonstrate a Scheme of Infidelity. If they could, They had much better keep the Secret. The divulging it tends only to debauch Mankind, and shake the Securities of Civil Life. However, if they have been in the other World and find it empty, and uninhabited, and are acquainted with all the Powers, and Places, in Being; If they can show the Impostures of Religion, and the Contradictions of Common Belief, they have something to say for themselves. Have they then infallible Proof and Mathematick Evidence for these Discoveries? No Man had ever the Confidence to say This; And if He should, he would be but laughed at for his Folly. No Conclusions can exceed the Evidence of their Principles; you may as well build a Castle in the Air, as raise a Demonstration upon a Bottom of Uncertainty. And is any Man so vain as to pretend to know the Extent of Nature, and the Stretch of Possibility, and the Force of the Powers Invisible? So that notwithstanding the Boldness of this _Opera_, there may be such a Place as Hell; And if so, a Discourse about Devils, will be no _Fairy way of Writing_. For a _Fairy way of Writing_, is nothing but a _History of Fiction_; A subject of Imaginary Beings; such as never had any existence in Time, or Nature. And if as Monsieur _Rapin_ observes, _Poetry_ requires a mixture of Truth and _Fable_; Mr. _Dryden_ may make his advantage, for his _Play_ is much better founded on Reality than He was aware of.

It may not be improper to consider in a word or two, what a frightfull Idea the _Holy Scriptures_ give us of Hell. 'Tis describ'd by all the Circumstances of Terror, by every Thing dreadful to Sense, and amazing to Thought. The Place, the Company, the Duration, are all Considerations of Astonishment. And why has God given us this solemn warning? Is it not to awaken our Fears, and guard our Happiness; To restrain the Disorders of Appetite, and to keep us within Reason, and Duty? And as for the _Apostate Angels_, the _Scriptures_ inform us of their lost Condition, of their Malice and Power, of their active Industry and Experience; and all these Qualities Correspondent to the Bulk of their Nature, the Antiquity of their Being, and the Misery of their State. In short, They are painted in all the formidable Appearances imaginable, to alarm our Caution, and put us upon the utmost Defence.

Let us see now how Mr. _Dryden_ represents these unhappy Spirits, and their Place of Abode. Why very entertainingly! Those that have a true Tast for Atheism were never better regaled. One would think by this _Play_ the Devils were meer Mormo's and Bugbears, fit only to fright Children and Fools. They rally upon Hell and Damnation, with a great deal of Air and Pleasantry; and appear like _Robin Good-fellow_, only to make the Company laugh. _Philidel_: Is call'd a _Puling Sprite_. And why so? For this pious reason, because

_He trembles at the yawning Gulph of Hell,
Nor dares approach the Flames least he should Singe
His gaudy silken Wings.
He sighs when he should plunge a Soul in Sulphur,
As with Compassion touch'd of Foolish Man_.[370]

The answer is, _What a half Devil's he_.

You see how admirably it runs all upon the Christian Scheme! Sometimes they are _Half-Devils_, and sometimes _Hopeful-Devils_, and what you please to make sport with. _Grimbald_ is afraid of being _whooped through Hell at his return_, for miscarrying in his Business. It seems there is great Leisure for Diversion! There's _Whooping_ in Hell, instead of _Weeping_ and _Wailing_! One would fancy Mr. _Dryden_ had Daylight and Company, when these Lines were written. I know his Courage is extraordinary; But sure such Thoughts could never bear up against Solitude and a Candle!

And now since he has diverted himself with the _Terrors_ of _Christianity_, I dont wonder he, should treat those that Preach them with so much Civility! enter _Poet_ in the Habit of a _Peasant_.

_We ha' cheated the Parson we'el cheat him again,
For why should a Blockhead have one in ten?
For prating so long like a Booklearned Sot,
Till Pudding, and Dumpling burn to pot._

These are fine comprehensive stroaks! Here you have the _Iliads_ in a Nutshell! Two or three courtly words take in the whole Clergy; And what is wanting in Wit, is made up in Abuse, and that's as well. This is an admirable _Harvest Catch_, and the poor Tith-stealers stand highly indebted. They might have been tired with Cheating in _Prose_, had not they not been thus seasonably releiv'd in Doggrell! But now there is Musick in playing the Knave. A Countryman now may fill his Barn, and humour his ill Manners, and sing his Conscience asleep, and all under one. I dont question but these _four Lines_ steal many a Pound in the year. Whether the _Muse_ stands indictable or not, the Law must determine: But after all, I must say the Design is notably laid. For Place and Person, for Relish and Convenience; nothing could have been better. The Method is very short, clear, and Practicable. 'Tis a fine portable Infection, and costs no more Carriage than the Plague.

Well! the Clergy must be contented: It might possibly have been worse for them if they had been in his favour: For he has sometimes a very unlucky way of showing his Kindness. He commends the _Earl of Leicester for considering the Friend, more than the Cause_;[371] that is, for his Partiality; The Marquess of _Halifax_ for _quitting the Helm, at the approach of a Storm_;[372] As if Pilots were made only for fair Weather. 'Tis Presum'd these Noble Persons are unconcern'd in this Character. However the _Poet_ has shown his skill in Panegyrick, and 'tis only for that I mention it. He commends _Atticus_ for his Trimming, and _Tally_ for his Cowardize, and speaks meanly of the Bravery of _Cato_.[373] Afterwards he professes his Zeal for the Publick welfare, and is pleas'd to _see the Nation so well secur'd from Foreign Attempts_ &c.[374] However he is in some pain about the Coming of the _Gauls_; 'Tis possible for fear they should invade the _Muses_, and carry the _Opera's_ into Captivity, and deprive us of _the Ornaments of Peace_.

And now He has serv'd his Friends, he comes in the last place like a modest Man, to commend Himself. He tells us there were a great many _Beauties_ in the Original Draught of this _Play_. But it seems Time has since tarnish'd their Complexion. And He gives _Heroick_ Reasons for their not appearing. To speak Truth, (all Politicks apart,) there are strange Flights of Honour, and Consistencies of Pretention in this Dedication! But I shall forbear the Blazon of the _Atcheivment_, for fear I should commend as unluckily as Himself.

SECT. II.

_Remarks upon Don Quixot, &c._

Mr. _Durfey_ being somewhat particular in his Genius and Civilities, I shall consider him in a word or two by himself. This Poet writes from the _Romance_ of an ingenious Author: By this means his Sense, and _Characters_ are cut out to his Hand. He has wisely planted himself upon the shoulders of a _Giant_; but whether his Discoveries answer the advantage of his standing, the Reader must judge.

What I have to object against Mr. _Durfey_ shall most of it be ranged under these three Heads.

I. _His Profaness with respect to Religion and the_ Holy Scriptures.

II. _His Abuse of the Clergy._

III. _His want of Modesty and Regard to the Audience._

I. _His Profaness, &c._

And here my first Instance shall be in a bold _Song_ against Providence.

_Providence that formed the Fair
In such a charming Skin,
Their Outside made his only care,
And never look'd within._[375]

Here the _Poet_ tells you Providence makes Mankind by halves, huddles up the Soul, and takes the least care of the better Moyety. This is direct blaspheming the Creation, and a Satir upon God Almighty. His next advance is to droll upon the Resurrection.

_Sleep and indulge thy self with Rest,
Nor dream thou e're shalt rise again._[376]

His Third Song makes a jest of the _Fall_, rails upon _Adam_ and _Eve_, and burlesques the Conduct of _God Almighty_ for not making Mankind over again.

_When the World first knew Creation,[377]
A Rogue was a Top-Profession,
When there was no more in all Nature but Four,
There were two of them in Transgression.

He that first to mend the Matter,
Made Laws to bind our Nature,
Should have found a way,
To make Wills obey,
And have Modell'd new the Creature_.

In this and the following page, the _Redemption_ of the World is treated with the same respect with the _Creation_. The word _Redeemer_, which among Christians is appropriated to our Blessed Saviour, and like the Jewish Tetragrammaton peculiarly reserv'd to the Deity; This adorable Name (_Redeemer and Dear Redeemer_,) is applyed to the ridiculous Don _Quixote_. These Insolencies are too big for the Correction of a Pen, and therefore I shall leave them. After this horrible abuse of the Works, and Attributes of God, he goes on to make sport with his Vengeance. He makes the Torments of Hell a very Comical Entertainment: As if they were only Flames in Painting, and Terrors in _Romance_. The _Stygian Frogs_ in _Aristophanes_ are not represented with more Levity, and Drolling. That the _Reader_ may see I do him no wrong, I shall quote the places which is the main Reason why I have transcrib'd the rest of his Profaness.

_Appear ye fat Feinds that in Limbo do groan,
That were when in Flesh the same souls with his own:
You that always in Lucifers Kitchin reside,
'Mongst Sea-coal and Kettles, and Grease newly try'd:
That pamper'd each day with a Garbidge of Souls,
Broil Rashers of Fools for a Breakfast on Coals._

In the Epilogue you have the History of _Balaam_'s Ass exposed, and the Beast brought upon the _Stage_ to laugh at the Miracle the better;

_And as 'tis said a parlous Ass once spoke,
When Crab-tree Cudgel did his rage provoke.
So if you are not civil,----I fear
He'el speak again.----_

In the second _Part_ the Devil is brought upon the _Stage_.[378] He cries as _he hopes to be Saved_. And _Sancho warrants him a good Christian_. Truly I think he may have more of Christianity in him than the Poet. For he trembles at that God, with whom the other makes Diversion.

I shall omit the mention of several outrages of this Kind, besides his deep mouth'd swearing, which is frequent, and pass on to the Second Head, which is His Abuse of the Clergy. And since Reveal'd Religion has been thus horribly treated, 'tis no Wonder if the _Ministers_ of it have the same Usage.

And here we are likely to meet with some passages extraordinary enough. For to give Mr. _Durfey_ his due, when he meddles with Church men he lays about him like a Knight Errant: Here his Wit and his Malice, are generally in extreams, tho' not of the same Kind. To begin. He makes the Curate _Perez_ assist at the ridiculous Ceremony of _Don Quixots_ Knighting.[379] Afterwards Squire _Sancho_ confessing his mistake to _Quixote_, tells him, _Ah consider dear Sir no man is born wise_. And what if he was born wise? He may be _Bred_ a Fool, if he has not a care. But how does he prove this Memorable Sentence? Because a _Bishop is no more than another man without Grace and Good Breeding_. I must needs say if the _Poet_ had any share of either of these Qualities, he would be less bold with his Superiors; and not give his Clowns the Liberty to droll thus heavily upon a solemn _Character_. This _Sancho_ Mr. _Durfey_ takes care to inform us is _a dry shrewd Country Fellow_, The reason of this Character is for the strength of it somewhat surprising.[380] 'Tis because _he blunders out Proverbs upon all Occasions, tho' never so far from the purpose_. Now if blundring and talking nothing to the purpose, is an argument of _Shrewdness_; some Peoples _Plays_ are very shrewd Performances. To proceed. _Sancho_ complains of his being married, because it hindred him from better offers. _Perez_ the Curate is sorry for this Misfortune. _For as I remember_ says he _'twas my luck to give_ Teresa _and you the Blessing_. To this _Sancho_ replies. _A Plague on your Blessing! I perceive I shall have reason to wish you hang'd for your Blessing----Good finisher of Fornication, good Conjunction Copulative._[381] For this irreverence and Profaness _Perez_ threatens him with Excommunication. _Sancho_ tells him, _I care not, I shall lose nothing by it but a nap in the Afternoon._ In his Second Part, _Jodolet_ a Priest is call'd a _Holy Cormorant_, and made to dispatch _half a Turkey, and a Bottle of Malaga for his Breakfast_.[382] Here one Country Girl chides another for her sawcyness. _D'ee_ (says she) _make a Pimp of a Priest?_ _Sancho_ interposes with his usual shrewdness: _A Pimp of a Priest, why is that such a Miracle?_ In the Second _Scene_ the Poet Provides himself another Priest to abuse.[383] _Mannel_ the Steward calls _Bernardo_ the Chaplain Mr. _Cuff-Cushion_, and tells him a _Whore is a Pulpit he loves_.----In settling the _Characters Mannel_ is given out for _a witty pleasant Fellow_. And now you see he comes up to Expectation. To the Blind all _Colours_ are alike, and Rudeness, and Raillery are the same thing![384] Afterwards, _Bernardo_ says _Grace_ upon the _Stage_; and I suppose Prays to God to bless the Entertainment of the Devil. Before they rise from Table, the _Poet_ contrives a Quarrel between _Don Quixot_ and _Bernardo_. The Priest railes on the Knight, and calls him _Don Coxcomb_ &c. By this time you may imagine the Knight heartily Provok'd, ready to buckle on his _Bason_, and draw out for the Combat, Let us hear his Resentment.

Don Quix. _Oh thou old black Fox with a Fire brand in thy Tail, thou very Priest: Thou Kindler of all Mischeifs in all Nations. De'e hear Homily: Did not the Reverence I bear these Nobles----I would so thrum your Cassock you Church Vermin_.[385]

At last he bids _Bernardo_ adieu in Language too Profane and Scandalous to relate.[386] In the Fourth _Act_ His Song calls the Clergy _Black Cattle_, and says _no Body now minds what they say_. I could alledge more of his Courtship to the _Order_, but the _Reader_ might possibly be tired, and therefore I shall proceed in the

_Third_, place to his want of Modesty, and Regard to the Audience. As for Smut _Sancho_ and _Teresa_ talk it broad, and single sens'd, for almost a page together.[387] _Mary_ the _Buxsom_ has likewise her share of this Accomplishment. The first Epilogue is Garnish'd with a Couplet of it;[388] _Marcella_ the Maiden Shepherdess raves in Raptures of Indecency; And sometimes you have it mixt up with Profaness, to make the Composition the stronger.[389] But this entertainment being no Novelty, I shall pass it over; And the rather because there are some other Rarities which are not to be met with else where.

Here he diverts the Ladies with the Charming Rhetorick of _Snotty-Nose, filthy Vermin in the Beard, Nitty Jerkin, and Louse Snapper, with the Letter in the Chamber-pot, and natural Evacuation_;[390] with an abusive description of a Countess, and a rude story of a certain Lady, and with some other varieties of this Kind, too coarse to be named. This is rare stuff for Ladies, and Quality! There is more of _Physick_, than _Comedy_ in such Sentences as these. _Crocus Metallorum_ will scarse turn the Stomack more effectually. 'Tis possible Mr. _Durfey_ might design it for a _Receipt_. And being Conscious the _Play_ was too dear, threw a Vomit into the Bargain.[391] I wonder Mr. _Durfey_ should have no more regard to the _Boxes_ and _Pitt_! That a Man who has _studied the Scenes of Decency and Good Manners with so much Zeal_, should practise with so little Address! Certainly _indefatigable Diligence, Care and Pains_, was never more unfortunate![392] In his _third Part_, _Buxsome_ swears faster, and is more scandalous, and impertinent, than in the other two. At these Liberties, and some in _Sancho_, the Ladies took Check. This Censure Mr. _Durfey_ seems heartily sorry for. He is _extreamly concern'd that the Ladies, that Essential part of the Audience_, should think his Performance _nauseous and undecent_.[393] That is, he is very sorry they brought their Wits, or their Modesty along with them. However Mr. _Durfey_ is not so Ceremonious as to submit: He is resolved to keep the Field against the Ladies; And endeavours to defend himself by saying, _I know no other way in Nature to do the Characters right, but to make a Romp, speak like a Romp, and a clownish Boor blunder_ &c.[394]

By his favour, all Imitations tho' never so well Counterfeited are not proper for the _Stage_. To present Nature under every Appearance would be an odd undertaking. A Midnight _Cart_, or a _Dunghil_ would be no Ornamental _Scene_. Nastyness, and dirty Conversation are of the same kind. For _Words_ are a Picture to the Ear, as Colours and _Surface_ are to the Eye. Such Discourses are like dilating upon Ulcers, and Leprosies: The more _Natural_, the worse; for the Disgust always rises with the Life of the Description. Offensive Language like offensive Smells, does but make a Man's Senses a burthen, and affords him nothing but Loathing and Aversion. Beastliness in Behaviour, gives a disparaging Idea of Humane Nature, and almost makes us sorry we are of the same Kind. For these reasons 'tis a Maxime in Good Breeding never to shock the Senses, or Imagination. This Rule holds strongest before _Women_, and especially when they come to be entertain'd. The Diversion ought to be suited to the Audience; For nothing pleases which is disproportion'd to Capacity, and Gust. The Rudenesses and broad Jests of Beggars, are just as acceptable to Ladies as their Rags, and Cleanliness. To treat Persons of Condition like the _Mob_, is to degrade their Birth, and affront their Breeding. It levells them with the lowest Education. For the size of a Man's Sense, and Improvement, is discovered by his Pleasures, as much as by any thing else.

But to remove from _Scenes of Decency_, to _Scenes_ of Wit. And here _Mannel_ and _Sancho_, two _pleasant sharp Fellows_, will divert us extreamly.[395] _Mannel_ in the Disguise of a Lady addresses the Dutchess in this manner. _Illustrious Beauty----I must desire to know whether the most purifidiferous Don_ Quixote _of the Manchissima, and his Squireiferous_ Panca, _be in this Company or no_. This is the Ladies speech! Now comes _Sancho_. _Why look you forsooth, without any more Flourishes, the Governour_ Panca _is here, and Don_ Quixotissimo _too; therefore most afflictedissimous Matronissima, speak what you willissimus, for we are all ready to be your Servitorissimus_.[396]

I dare not go on, for fear of overlaying the _Reader_. He may cloy himself at his Leisure. The _Scene_ between the _Taylor_ and _Gardiner_, lies much in the same Latitude of Understanding.[397]

The Third _Part_ presents a set of _Poppets_, which is a Thought good enough; for this Play is only fit to move upon _Wires_. 'Tis pity these little _Machines_ appear'd no sooner, for then the Sense, and the _Actors_ had been well adjusted. In explaining the _Persons_, He acquaints us that _Carasco is a Witty Man_. I can't tell what the Gentleman might be in other Places, but I'm Satisfied he is a Fool in his _Play_. But some _Poets_ are as great Judges of Wit, as they are an instance; And have the Theory and the Practise just alike.

Mr. _Durfeys Epistles Dedicatory_ are to the full as diverting as his _Comedies_. A little of them may not be amiss.

In his first, He thus addresses the _Dutches_ of _Ormond_. _'Tis Madam from your Graces Prosperous Influence that I date my Good Fortune._ To _Date_ from time and Place, is vulgar and ordinary, and many a _Letter_ has miscarried with it: But to do it from an _Influence_, is Astrological, and surprizing, and agrees extreamly with the _Hemisphere of the Play-house_.[398] These Flights one would easily imagine were the _Poor Off-spring_ of Mr. _Durfey's Brain_, as he very judiciously phrases it.[399]

One Paragraph in his Dedication to Mr. _Montague_ is perfect _Quixotism_; One would almost think him enchanted. I'll give the Reader a Tast.

_Had your Eye's shot the haughty Austerity upon me of a right Courtier,----your valued minutes had never been disturb'd with dilatory Trifles of this Nature, but my Heart on dull Consideration of your Merit, had supinely wish'd you prosperity at a Distance._[400] I'm afraid the _Poet_ was under some Apprehensions of the Temper he complains of. For to my thinking, there is a great deal of _Supiness_, and _dull Consideration_ in these Periods. He tells his Patron _his Smiles have embolden'd him_. I confess I can't see how He could forbear smiling at such Entertainment. However Mr. _Durfey_ takes Things by the best Handle, and is resolv'd to be happy in his Interpretation. But to be serious. Were I the Author, I would discharge my Muse unless she prov'd kinder. His way is rather to cultivate his Lungs, and Sing to other Peoples Sense; For to finish him in a word, he is _Vox, & præterea nihil_. I speak this only on Supposition that the rest of his Performances are like These. Which because I have not perused I can judge of no farther than by the Rule of _ex pede Herculem_. I shall conclude with Monsieur _Boileau's Art_ of _Poetry_. This citation may possibly be of some service to Mr. _Durfey_; For if not concern'd in the Application, he may at least be precaution'd by the Advice.

The Translation runs thus.

_I like an Author that Reforms the Age;
And keeps the right Decorum of the Stage:
That always pleases by just Reasons Rule:
But for a tedious Droll a Quibbling Fool,
Who with low nauseous Baudry fills his Plays;
Let him begone and on two Tressells raise
Some_ Smithfield _Stage, where he may act his Pranks,
And make_ Jack-puddings _speak to Mountebanks_.[401]

SECT. III.

_Remarks upon the_ Relapse.

The _Relapse_ shall follow _Don Quixot_; upon the account of some Alliance between them. And because this _Author_ swaggers so much in his _Preface_, and seems to look big upon his Performance, I shall spend a few more thoughts than ordinary upon his _Play_, and examine it briefly in the _Fable_, the _Moral_, the _Characters_, _&c._ The Fable I take to be as follows.

Fashion _a Lewd, Prodigal, younger Brother; is reduced to extremity: Upon his arrival from his Travels, he meets with_ Coupler, _an old sharping Match-maker_; _This Man puts him upon a project of cheating his Elder Brother Lord_ Foplington, _of a rich Fortune_. _Young_ Fashion _being refused a Summ of Money by his Brother, goes into_ Couplers _Plot, bubbles Sir_ Tunbelly _of his Daughter, and makes himself Master of a fair Estate_.

From the Form and Constitution of the _Fable_, I observe

1st. That there is a _Misnommer_ in the Title. The _Play_ should not have been call'd the _Relapse, or Virtue in Danger_: _Lovelace_, and _Amanda_, from whose _Characters_ these Names are drawn, are Persons of Inferiour Consideration. _Lovelace_ sinks in the middle of the _Fourth_ Act, and we hear no more of him till towards the End of the _Fifth_, where he enters once more, but then 'tis as _Cato_ did the Senate house, only to go out again. And as for _Amanda_ she has nothing to do but to stand a shock of Courtship, and carry off her Virtue. This I confess is a great task in the _Play-house_, but no main matter in the _Play_.

The _Intrigue_, and the _Discovery_, the great Revolution and success, turns upon _Young Fashion_. He without Competition, is the Principal Person in the _Comedy_. And therefore the _Younger Brother_, or the _Fortunate Cheat_, had been much a more proper Name. Now when a _Poet_ can't rig out a _Title Page_, 'tis but a bad sign of his holding out to the _Epilogue_.

_2ly._ I observe the _Moral_ is vitious: It points the wrong way, and puts the _Prize_ into the wrong Hand. It seems to make _Lewdness_ the reason of _Desert_, and gives _Young Fashion_ a second Fortune, only for Debauching away his First. A short view of his _Character_, will make good this Reflection. To begin with him: He confesses himself a _Rake_, swears, and Blasphemes, Curses, and Challenges his Elder Brother, cheats him of his Mistress, and gets him laid by the Heels in a Dog-Kennel. And what was the ground of all this unnatural quarrelling and outrage? Why the main of it was only because Lord _Foplington_ refused to supply his Luxury, and make good his Extravagance. This _Young Fashion_ after all, is the _Poets_ Man of Merit. He provides, a _Plot_ and a Fortune, on purpose for him. To speak freely, A Lewd Character seldom wants good Luck in _Comedy_. So that when ever you see a thorough Libertine, you may almost swear he is in a rising way, and that the _Poet_ intends to make him a great Man. In short; This _Play_ perverts the End of _Comedy_: Which as Monsieur _Rapin_ observes ought to regard Reformation, and publick Improvement. But the _Relapser_ had a more fashionable Fancy in his Head.[402] His _Moral_ holds forth this notable Instruction.

_1st._ That all _Younger Brothers_ should be careful to run out their Circumstances as Fast, and as Ill as they can. And when they have put their Affairs in this posture of Advantage, they may conclude themselves in the high Road to Wealth, and Success. For as _Fashion_ Blasphemously applies it, _Providence takes care of Men of Merit._[403]

_2ly._ That when a Man is press'd, his business is not to be govern'd by Scruples, or formalize upon Conscience and Honesty. The quickest Expedients are the best; For in such cases the Occasion justifies the Means, and a Knight of the _Post_, is as good as one of the _Garter_. In the