Chapter II: Part 2

What astonished me, was to see such a Number of Corn-fields and Pasture-grounds, in a flourishing Condition, and well fenced, and yet not meet with the least Track or Path. However, I walk'd on till about Three o' Clock, as I guess'd by the Sun, which, tho' it was excessive hot, was no way uneasy to me, being flickered by the Hedges. Being come to the Banks of a large River, bordered with Cedars, the tallest I ever saw, and being under no Apprehension of wild Beasts in a Country so well cultivated, I laid me down under one of the largest, and slept till the Sun was near setting; and doubtless, not having closed my Eyes the Night before, I should have continued my Nap, had I not been wakened with the Sound of human Voices.

I started up, and look'd round me, but could perceive nothing like a Man. I then holloo'd, and heard somebody say, _Quaw shoomaw_: I answered, _Quaw shoomaw_; upon which I heard Two speak, and answer each other, as I thought, over my Head. I look'd up, but could, by reason of the Thickness and Height of the Tree, see nothing. I went some Paces from it, and looking up again, I heard a Voice, which utered these Words hastily, _Quaw shoomaw? starts_; which is, having afterwards learned the Language, _Who art thou? stand_.

Hardly had these Words reached my Ears, when I saw a Cock and Hen fly down from the Tree, and light near me; they were about Six Foot tall, and their Bodies somewhat larger than a good Weather. The Cock who was the larger the Two, coming pretty near me, tho' he discover'd in his Eyes both Fear and Astonishment, repeated the Words, _Quaw shoomaw_. The Hen, who kept a greater Distance, cried out, _Ednu sinvi_, which I since learn'd, is, _Whence come you?_

I was as much surprized to hear Fowls speak, as they were to see such a Monster as I appeared to be. I answer'd in her own Words, _Ednu sinvi_, upon which she ask'd me, I suppose, a String of Questions, with a Loquacity common to the sex and then fell a cackling. Three or four Chickens came running to her, and at the Sight of me hid their Heads under their Mother's Wing, as I suppos'd her. One of them, who was a Cock not above Five Foot high, at last took Courage to peep out, and said something to his Father; and, as I guess taking Courage from what Answer he return'd, ventured to approach me. He walk'd round me tho' he kept some Distance, and spoke in a threatning Tone. I answer'd in a melancholy one, and in my own Language, That I was an unfortunate shipwreck'd Man. The Youngster, I suppose, thinking me a harmless Animal, ventured to strike at me, and if I had not avoided the Stroke, I believe he had split my Skull, for his Spurrs were about Eighteen Inches long, near Five about, and as sharp as Needles.

I saw his Father angry at this Proceeding, and he gave him a terrible Cuff with his Wing, and sent him home. Then speaking to me, he made Signs I should follow him; I understood, and obey'd him. After we had pass'd a small Copse of about a Quarter of a Mile, we came into a fine Meadow, where we saw several Hens milking Goats; they sat on their Rumps, and were as dextrous with their two Feet, as any of our Dairy-Maids with their Hands. They carried two Pails a-piece with a Yoke, like our Tub-women; and indeed there are not in _Europe_ any who exceed this Nation in Mechanicks, as far as they are useful to them. I have seen a _Cacklogallinian_ (for so they call themselves) hover with a Pair of Sheers in his two Feet, and cut Trees with all the Regularity imaginable; for, in a Walk of a League long, which is very common before the Houses of the Nobility, you won't see (not to say a Bough, but even) a Leaf grow beyond the rest. They are the best Weavers in the Universe, and make Cloath of stript Feathers, which they have the Art of spinning, and which is the Staple Commodity of the Kingdom; for no Feathers are comparable to these for this Manufacture. When I pass'd the Meadow, every one quitted her Employment to come and stare at me; they all spoke together so loud, and with such Volubility, that I almost fancied my self among a Score of Gammers at a Country Christening.

This Meadow led to a Farm House which belonged to my Guide, or more properly, Master; for I soon was made sensible, that they look'd upon me as an irrational Beast, of a Species hitherto unknown to them. We were no sooner within Doors, than the Family flock'd round to admire me, asking Abundance of Questions which I did not understand. One of the Hens brought me a Bowl of Goats Milk, which I received very thankfully, and drank off. They then offer'd me Corn, which I rejecting, one of them went out, and fetch'd me a Piece of boil'd Mutton; for these _Cacklogallinians_, contrary to the Nature of _European_ Cocks, live mostly on Flesh, except the poorer Sort, who feed on Grain. They do not go to Roost, but lye on Feather-beds and Matrass, with warm Coverings; for, at the setting of the Sun, there falls so great a Dew, that I was, in the Night, as sensible of Cold, as ever I was in _Europe_ in the Winter.

After I had eat my Piece of Meat, a Bed was made for me in my Master's Chamber, whither he conducted me. He made Signs, that I should lye down, and was not a little astonish'd, I perceived, to see me open the Bedding, go into it, and cover my self up. The pulling off my Cloaths he did not wonder at, for the Rich and Great among 'em wear Mantles, and cover their Legs with fine Cloath.

I slept very heartily, and very much at my Ease. My Master, who was a rich Farmer, went the next Day to _Ludbitallya_, the Metropolis of the Kingdom, about Forty Miles from his Home, to acquaint his Landlord who was a Minister of State, what a Rarity he had in Possession. He set out about Six in the Morning, and returned at Noon; for the _Cacklogallinians_ will fly at the Rate of Twenty Miles an Hour. His Landlord came in less than that Space after in great State. He was preceded by Half a Dozen Servants, who carried large Battens in their right Feet, and made no Ceremony of knocking any on the Head who came in their Way. He was in a sort of Palanquin, covered with fine Cloth, and powdered with silver Stars in Circles, supported by four _Cacklogallinians_ adorn'd with silver Chains. As to his Person, he was about Nine Foot high when he stood upright, and very corpulent; for, what is wonderful among these People (if I may be allow'd that Term) they grow in Bulk, and their Appetites increase in Proportion to their Riches and Honour, of which I was an Eye-witness in the Persons of my Master and his Male Children, for the Females are not perceivably affected with a Change of Fortune. This holds good in its Opposite, for Adversity will bring down the tallest to the Size or a Dwarf, that is, to Three Foot.

But to return to this Minister, whose Name was _Brusquallio_. He was cover'd with a rich loose Garment embroider'd, and wore on his Neck a yellow, green and red Ribbon, from which hung a Gold Medal of a Cock trampling on a Lion, which is the Badge of the greatest Honour the Emperor of _Cacklogallinia_ can bestow on a Subject. He had a great Number of Followers, who paid him a sort of Adoration. When he alighted, my Master met him on the Out-side of the Door, threw himself on his Belly, and held his Beak to the Ground, till the other order'd him to rise; for I have since learnt both their Customs and Language. When he came in, I was brought to him.

My Master, as I have since learnt, told his Lordship, that he fancied I had some Glimmerings of Reason, notwithstanding the hideous Make of my Person, and gave for an Instance, my getting into my Bed as decently as a _Cacklogallinian_; and that of my Species certainly had a Language among 'em, for he had heard me very distinctly utter some unintelligible Words, and even repeat some after him.

I threw my self on my Knees, and in the most humble Posture address'd my self to his Lordship, telling him in _English_, that I was a harmless unfortunate Man, who was cast upon their Coast, was an Object of Compassion, and below their Anger; that as I never did, nor meant Harm to any, I hoped to experience his Lordship's Mercy.

He seem'd highly delighted to hear me speak, and viewed me with a visible Surprize. My Master coming to me, said, _Ednu sinvi_? which I repeated after him (as I perceiv'd he was desirous I should) to the great Satisfaction of the Minister, who, as I have since known, desired to purchase, have me taught the _Cacklogallinian_ and Court Language (for the Court did not speak that of the Country, for a Reason hereafter to be mention'd) and present me to his Imperial Majesty, as the greatest Rarity in Nature. When he bid my Master set a Price, he answer'd, That his Lordship's doing him the Honour to accept such a Trifle from his Slave, he esteem'd beyond any Sum of Money, notwithstanding his Poverty.

Well, _says the Grandee_, bring him to me to-morrow, I accept the
Present, and you shall have no Reason to repent your trusting to me.

The Minister got into his Palanquin, and his four Bearers flew off with him with that incredible Swiftness, his Attendance had much ado to keep up with it.

The next Morning, my Master taking me by the Sleeve with his Beak, led me out of Doors, and then walk'd forward. I stood still, and he returned, pull'd me by the Coat, and walk'd on again; by which I guess'd he would have me follow him, as I accordingly did, accompanied by one of his Servants, who kept by my Side. He went too fast, for me to keep him Company; which he perceiving, spoke to the Servant, and they took Wing together, and each of them laying hold on an Arm, lifted me about Thirty Foot from the Ground, and in Four Hours, alighted about a Quarter of a Mile distant from a very large Town.

I had forgot to acquaint the Reader, that before I began this airy Journey, my Master took a Mantle, which his Servant carried under his Wing, and cover'd me, that I had only an Open to see and respire: This was to prevent the Impertinence he might expect from the Mob at the Sight of such a Novelty as I was.

When we alighted, he made Signs to me to lye down, sent his Servant to the Town, and cover'd me all over. The Servant soon returned with a close Palanquin, which they made me Signs to go into, and I was in an Instant hurried thro' the Air, and set down in a Stable Yard, and conducted from thence into a little House, to which this Yard afforded the only Passage. Both the Avenue, and the Smallness of the House no way answerable to the Charge and Titles of the Minister to whom it belong'd, were Matter of Surprize to me; tho' I since learnt it was in him Policy, that he made no greater Figure in Town than a private Gentleman, not to encrease the Number of those who envied him; for tho' he was now Nine Foot high, yet in a late Reign he was dwindled from the Height peculiar to the Rank of his Family, of Six Foot Nine Inches, to Three Foot Ten. In the Country, I was told his Seat far exceeded any of the Royal Palaces, tho' as yet not finish'd, and both his Furniture and Equipage were answerable; and he never travelled without a great Number of Servants, who join'd him a Mile or two without the Gates.

This great Person shewed me to his family, every one of which admired me as a most monstrous Production of Nature. My Master was rewarded, by being made _Nosocomionarcha_, or Paymaster to the Invalids, had the Title of _Quityardo_, which answers to our _Squire_, conferred on him, and was ever after a Favourite of the Minister. He sprung up immediately Nine Inches higher, grew considerably more bulky, and would eat you Three or Four _Cacklogallinian_ Chicks in a Day; for the Ministers, and those in Post, feed on their own Species, and not one of the poorer Sort is in any Security of their Lives, in case a hungry Grandee sets his Eyes on, and has a Mind to him. Nay, the slavish Spirit of the _Cacklogallinians_ is such, that many of them, thro' Folly or Superstition, will come in Bodies to the House of a Minister, and beg as the greatest Favour and Honour, they and their Families may be served up to his Lordship's Table; and I have seen the Fools, who had thus offered themselves, and been accepted, if there was not immediate Occasion for them, strut in the Streets with a Chain of Silver about their Necks, which they look'd upon as the greatest Honour; and when call'd for by his Lordship's Cook, run exulting, and offer their Throats to his Knife; tho' this Nation was, in Time past, the bravest, and the most tenacious of their Liberty, of any of the feather'd Race. But I have digress'd too far.

My new Master, or, more properly, Lord, order'd an Apartment and a Table for me, with a Tutor to teach me the Languages, by whose Diligence, and my own _Avidity_ of Learning, I began in Four Months to understand a great Part of what was said to me; and my Lord was so very much pleased at my Progress, that he gave my Tutor a Post, which raised him about Four Inches. My Lord forbore asking me any Questions concerning my self, till I was perfectly Master or the Languages, which I was in about Eleven Months.

He one Day sent for me into his Chamber, and accosted me in the following Words:

Probusomo (_which is, Monster of Nature, the Name he gave me_)
I have suspended my Curiosity of enquiring whence, and how you came
into this Kingdom, till we could perfectly understand each other,
that I might not be troubled with an imperfect Relation: Now that
you are Master of our Language, tell me of what Part of the World
you are; whether you are of savage, or a civiliz'd Nation? if of the
latter, what is your Policy, what are your Manners and Customs, and
what Accident brought you hither?

I threw my self on my Face, and kiss'd his right golden Spur (for the Grandees saw off those which Nature has provided them, and substitute these in their Places) then rising, I answer'd, That I was of _Europe_, a Country so distant from _Cacklogallinia_, that I was near Six Moons at Sea, before I was cast on its Coast.

Why, _said he_, is it possible you can swim so long? for you being
destitute of Wings, can have no other Method of passing so vast a
Water.

I told him we pass'd the Seas in Ships, and gave him a Description of them, but could not make him have the least Idea of what I meant, till the next Day, that I hollow'd, shap'd, and rigg'd a Piece of Cork, made Sails of fine Linnen, and brought it to his Excellency in a Bason of Water. I told him, we were a civiliz'd Nation, and govern'd by a King, who however did nothing without the Advice of his Great Council, which consisted of Grandees born to that Honour, and _Quityardo's_ elected by the People to represent them. That, to these Representatives the People had delegated the Power of acting for them, and entrusted their Liberty and Estates to their Probity; consequently nothing could be supposed to be done by the Prince, but by the universal Consent of the Nation, and the People could bear no Burthens, but what they voluntarily took upon themselves for the common Good.

I have never, _answer'd he_, read, that any of your Species was seen
in this Kingdom before you; but it is certain you must have copy'd
your Policy from us. But, said he, are all these Representatives
publick-spirited, zealous for the common Welfare, Proof against
Preferments, Titles, and private Advantages? Have they always the
Good of the Nation at Heart so far, as to prefer it to that of their
Families? Do they sollicite the People to chuse them, or are they
their free Choice? If the latter, what Amends do the People make to
these Representatives, who neglect their private Affairs, to apply
themselves to those of the Publick?

I told his Excellency, that I did not doubt their being such Men as he spoke them; that I was very young when I left my Country, and beside I was not born in a Rank which, had I been of riper Years, permitted me to meddle with State Affairs: However, I had heard from my Elders, that none were elected, till the King sent his Mandates to the several Provinces, ordering them to chuse the wisest among them to assist his Majesty with their Advice: And as the Interest of each Province in particular, and of the whole Nation in general, turn'd upon the Probity and Judgment of the Representatives, to whom an unlimited Power was delegated, it did not stand to Reason, that they would make Choice of any, whose Love for his Country, whose Sagacity and Honour they had not made Proof of; or at least, whose Life did not give them Hopes, that he would prove a real Patriot.

That they were the free Choice of the People, was plain, by the Backwardness shewn by those elected to undertake so weighty a Charge, which had no other Recompence than the Applause of the Publick, for the faithful Execution of their Trust. Another Reason which induced me to believe the Choice such, was, that the _English_, (of which Nation I own'd my self) were any one rich enough to bribe the Majority of a Province, and are too wise a People to entrust their Liberty to such a Person; for it's natural to believe, whoever would buy their Votes, would sell his own: But, that the Majority of a Province was to be brib'd, or that a free People would, on any account, risque their Liberty, by giving their Representatives a Power to enslave 'em, either by making the Prince absolute, and furnishing him with Standing Armies, to maintain a despotick Power or else by selling them to Foreigners, could never enter into the Thoughts of a reasonable Creature.

_Has_, said he, (who smiled all the while I held this Discourse) _your Nation any near Neighbours?_ I answer'd, That, by the means of our Shipping, we might be said near Neighbours to every Nation; but that our Island was separated but Seven Leagues from the Continent, inhabited by a warlike and powerful People. _Have you any Commerce with the Nations on the Continent?_ We are, said I, the greatest Dealers in _Europe_. _Have you any Religion among you?_ We have, in the main, I replied, but one, tho' it is branch'd out into a great many Sects, differing only in some trifling Ceremonies, in Essentials we all agree.

Religion, _answer'd my Lord_, is absolutely necessary in a
well-govern'd State; but do your great Men make any Profession of
Religion? or, to ask a more proper Question, do they do more than
profess it?

My Lord, said I, our great Men are the brightest Examples of Piety. Their Veracity is such, that they would not for an Empire falsify their Word once given. Their Justice won't suffer a Creditor to go from their Gate unsatisfied: Their Chastity makes them look on Adultery and Furnication the most abominable Crimes; and even the naming of them will make their Bloods run cold. They exhaust their Revenues in Acts of Charity, and every great Man among us is a Husband and Father to the Widow and Orphan. They esteem themselves Stewards to the Poor, and that in a future State they are accountable for every Doit lavish'd in Equipage or superfluous Dishes. Their Tables are not nicely, but plentifully served, and always open to the honest Needy. At Court, as I have learn'd, there is neither Envy nor Detraction, no one undermines another, nor intercepts the Prince's Bounty or Favour by slandrous Reports; and neither Interest, Riches, nor Quality, but Merit only recommends the Candidate to a Post: A Bribe was never heard of there; which, together with the exact Justice practised, is the Reason that a Minister, after Twelve or Fourteen Years, shall die not a Doit richer than he was at the Entrance upon his Office: Nay, I've been told, that a Paymaster General of the Army, after he had past his Accounts before the Grand Council of the Nation, with a general Applause, found his Patrimony so impoverish'd by his Charity to Soldiers Widows, he was oblig'd to turn Merchant for his Support; but being unfortunate, he petition'd for a small Government.

_As you say you have divers Sects of Religion, you must have Priests among you, pray what sort of Men are they?_ I answer'd, their Lives and Doctrine were of a-piece, their Example differing nothing from their Precepts: That Hypocrisy, Avarice, Ambition, litigious Suits, Lying, Revenge, and Obscenity, were Vices known to 'em by Name only: That they were a mortify'd Set of Men, who look'd upon nothing transitory worth their Concern; and having their Thoughts always employ'd on Meditations of a future Happiness, neglected every thing on Earth but their Duty; and for this Reason, they often became a Prey to Knaves, who slipp'd no Opportunity of spoiling them, knowing their Lenity such, that, if detected, they should not be prosecuted. I have been assured, that a Priest being told, such a Farmer had stole away a great many Tithe Sheafs, the good Divine answer'd, _If he's poor, it's no Theft; what I have belongs to the Needy, and he takes but his own_. The Day after he sent him all the Corn he was Master of, and by this Act of Charity, wou'd have starved before next Harvest, if a Minister of State, in love with his Virtue, had not provided for him. And I myself knew one, who hearing black Puddings were a Preservative against pestilential Infections, and that the Plague was within Two Thousand Leagues of our Island, laid out his whole Patrimony in Puddings, and sent 'em to every Sea-port in the Kingdom.

_Have you Physicians among you?_ We have, said I, Men of extensive Charity, great Humility, profound Learning, without the least Tincture of Vanity. They are so very conscientious, that shou'd they prescribe for a Patient, and he recover before he had taken all the Druggs brought in, they will pay for those which remain, out of their own Pockets. They never take a fee, but when they prescribe, tho' they visit you frequently, and never prescribe, without they see an absolute Necessity. They a modest, that they attribute the Recovery of a Person to divine Providence, and are ready to accuse themselves of Ignorance or Negligence should he die under their Hands.

_Have you any Lawyers in your part of the World?_ Lawyers, said I, we have, but not more than necessary.

_You have then_, said my Lord, _very few, or are a litigious People. What sort of Creatures are they?_ They are, said I, brought up many Years in the Study of the Laws, and pass a strict Examination, not only as to their Knowledge, but their Morals, before they are admitted to the Bar; which is the Reason, that we have no Tricks, no Delays, to weary and ruine the poor Client who has a Right, but no Money; they come directly to the Merits of the Cause, and never endeavour by their Rhetorick to put a fair Face on a bad one; and not one, if his Client does not deceive him, will appear on the Side of Oppression or Injustice; and if he is himself impos'd upon, when he perceives it, he will not defend the Wrong. This Care of examining into the Probity of the Students, and Candidates for the Bar, is the Reason our Lawyers are very near in as great Reputation as our Priests.

Do you know from what you have said, _Probusomo_, that I conclude
your Statesmen Fools, and that you will soon fall a Prey to some
other Nation; or you either very ignorant of your National Affairs,
or a very great Lyar; or otherwise think me easily impos'd upon. I
have been many Years at the Head of the _Cacklogallinian_ Affairs,
under our August Master, _Hippomina Connuferento_, Darling of the
Sun, Delight of the Moon, Terror of the Universe, Gate of Happiness,
Source of Honour, Disposer of Kingdoms, and High Priest of the
_Cacklogallinian_ Church. I have, I say, long, in Obedience to this
Most Potent Prince, acted as Prime Minister, and to tell me, that
such a one will baulk his Master's, or his own Interest, on the
Score of Religion; nay, in his publick Capacity, that he believes
one Word of it, or has Ears for Justice or Compassion, wou'd be the
same thing as telling me, a Flatterer, in his Encomiums has a strict
Eye to Truth, or that a Poet who writes in Praise of great Men,
believes them really possess'd of the Virtues he attributes to 'em,
and has no other View in his Epistle than that of edifying others,
by shewing the bright Example of his Patrons. My Business now calls
me to Court; the Emperor, as yet, has never heard of you: For
whoever dares acquaint him with any thing, without my Permission,
passes his Time very ill. To Morrow, I'll present you to His
Majesty.

He left the Room, and I retired to my Apartment, where none cou'd come at me, but who pass'd thro' my Lord's, which was Death to do, or even to fly within Twenty Yards of his House, without Permission. Nay, the proudest among them, and those of the highest Rank alight at his Outer-gate, and walk into the House.

The next Morning my Lord came into my Apartment:

"Well, _Probusomo_, said he, I intend this Day to present you to his
Imperial Majesty; and tho' you are of a Species hitherto unknown in
our Parts of the World, and are, for that Reason, look'd upon as a
kind of Monster, as perhaps one of us should be, were we to appear
in your Nation, yet I have observ'd some Points of Discretion in
your Behaviour, and I begin to have a Kindness for you, for which
Reason I intend to instruct you how to demean your self; and if you
are wise enough to act and be guided by the Counsels I shall
prescribe to you, while you are at Court, I can, in spite of your
awkard Form, get you naturalized, and then perhaps may prefer you to
some Charge in the Government, considerable enough to enable you to
pass the rest of your Days in Ease and Plenty.

"You that don't know what a Court is (_proceeded he_) should receive
some Idea of it before you enter there. You must first be informed,
that Emperors do not always trouble themselves with the Affairs of
State; for they sometimes pass their whole Lives in a continued
Round of indolent Pleasures, while their Favourites govern all. I
don't doubt but you have already made your Observation upon the
servile Crowd who attend my Motions, who wait upon my Commands, with
an Obsequiousness that perhaps is not practised in your Parts of the
World, betwixt Creatures of the same Species, yet many of them hate
me, as I do them,--perhaps you'll think this strange; but when the
secret Springs of this Attachment to my Interest come to unfold
themselves to you, which will soon happen, by the Observations I see
you are capable of making, your Admiration will cease. However, I
shall be a little particular in explaining some Matters to you, that
you may thereby be the better qualified to serve my
Interest.

"You must then know, that all this assiduous Court is not paid to my
Person, but to my Place. They know, that I not only hold the Reins
of the Government in my Hands, but keep the publick Treasure under
my own Eye, and that the Power of giving is only mine. It is not
their Love, but their Avarice, that makes them thus obedient to my
Nod; and the same Respect would be paid to the meanest of my
Domesticks, were such a one put in my Place.

"Their Hatred to me proceeds from various Causes. In some it is Envy,
because they think themselves affronted and injur'd by my great
Rise, as knowing themselves to be of greater Consideration in their
Country, and fancifying themselves themselves to be as well
qualified by their Parts. Others again are out of Humour, because I
do not comply with all their unreasonable Demands, their Luxury
always keeping them necessitous. Some of these are such as have
Parts enough to be troublesome; they are hard to be managed, and
indeed are the most dangerous Creatures I have to deal with. There
is a third Sort, who hate and oppose me, only because they love
their Country, but these I don't much fear, for their Party is very
weak at present.

"And since I am upon this Subject, I can't forbear observing to you,
that were it not for the Luxury of some, and the Folly of others, I
could never have stood my Ground so long, and executed those
Measures which I have brought about; and happy it is for a Person in
my Station (if he has any odd Measure in View) that many of the
upper Rank should happen to be Fools; I have myself kept several
Persons dancing Attendance after me, Year after Year, made them
maintain in publick Assemblies, that Nine was more than Fifteen;
that Black was White and a Hundred other things of equal Absurdity,
only by promising to stick a parti-colour'd Feather in their Tails;
and when this was done, it only made them the Scorn and Jest of
every thing of good Sense: Yet it answered my Purpose, and did not
hinder others of equal Folly from making Court for the same thing.

"Thus I have accounted with you why these People are subservient to
me, while they hate me; but I have not given you the Reason on my
Side for keeping up this Correspondence and Union with them, for
whom I have as little Esteem as they can have for me. Then, in a
Word it is, I can't do without them. This you'll easily comprehend
when you understand the Nature of our Government; for you'll know,
that this Power here is lodged in the many, not in the few: It is
they who can abolish old Laws, and make new; the Power of Life and
Death is in them, and from their Decrees there is no Appeal; and
tho' I do all, and command all, nay, command even them, yet the
Right is theirs, and they might exert it all times if they had
Virtue enough to break off their Correspondence with me.

"Things being in this Situation, no doubt, you'll think my
Establishment well fix'd; but I am not without my Fears and my
Dangers, and there is no judging of the Power of one in my Station,
by the Flattery that is paid him, for Flatterers take things
frequently by outward Appearances; and notwithstanding my arbitrary
manner of treating some Persons, my Safety is depending upon the
Breath of others, and I am obliged to pay a more servile Court to
some behind the Curtain, than is paid to me without.

"Those upon whom my Fate and Fortune depend, are the _Squabbaws_ of
the Court (the Reader is to understand, that this is a Name for
certain Females, who are maintain'd for the Emperor's Luxury and
Pleasure, and always sojourn at Court) and it is to their Avarice
that I owe my Grandeur, as well as its Continuance so long. There
was a Time, when I foolishly mistook my own Interest so far, as by
my Conduct to give some Offence to these _Squabbaws_ for which I
suffered a severe Disgrace: I then endeavour'd to shelter my self
among those who are stiled the Patriots, but they would neither
receive me into their Counsels, nor put the least Trust in me. I had
then Leisure to reflect on the Folly of this Conduct, and had Time
to compute how much I was a Loser, by putting on the Mask of the
Patriot and, I confess, it had such an Effect upon me, and gave me
such an Aversion to Patriotism, that I could never prevail upon
myself to do any thing for the publick Good ever since.

"I then immediately apply'd all my Thoughts towards making my Peace,
and there fell out a Chain of lucky Incidents, which happily brought
it about. One of these was the Death of several great Personages,
who were too mighty for me at that time in Rank and Dignity, and
whose Parts eclipsed mine in the Opinion of the Publick, tho' I
always thought otherwise.

"Their Deaths were so sudden, that the Emperor was puzzled whom to
chuse in their Places, (it being necessary they should soon be
fill'd up) and he had but a very small Acquaintance among his
People; so that he was under a kind of Necessity of throwing his
Affairs into my Hands, I having the Reputation of being pretty well
practised in certain Branches of his Revenues.

"I had Reason to suspect, that this new Preferment was not intended
as a Favour, and that I was to continue no longer in this Station,
than till some other Person more agreeable could be fix'd upon; but
in order to improve the Opportunity, I apply'd my self strenuously
to the Avarice of the _Squabbaws_, and gave with Prodigality; for I
bore in Mind my former Miscarriages. This had all its Effect; they
had never met with a Person so fit for their Purpose, and by these
Arguments they began to be convinc'd, that if another should be
preferr'd to my Place, they would be no Gainers by the Change.

"Since this good Understanding betwixt us, Matters have been so
managed, that no Person has had Access to the Emperor, but thro' my
Recommendation; so that my Enemies cannot fill his Ears with
Complaints of my Administration; and whenever I observe any Person
attempting to lay the State of Affairs before his Imperial Majesty,
the _Squabbaws_, by my Instructions, are to insinuate into the royal
Ear some Jealousies and Fears of that Person, that the Emperor may
forbid his Admittance; so that he only sees with my Eyes, and hears
by my Report.

"As this in a great Measure has render'd me safe against the Attempts
of my Enemies, yet I can't deny but that it has encreas'd their
Number, and furnish'd them with Matter to clamour against me; and
these Clamours have possess'd the Publick with a kind of an Aversion
to my Conduct, tho' they have not reach'd the Throne.

"But as it is not possible, but that the Officers of State belonging
to a great Emperor, of which there must be many in Number, must
sometimes have Opportunities of talking with him, I have taken Care
to prevent any Danger from thence, by chusing for those Posts Birds
of the weakest Capacities, altogether ignorant of the Affairs of the
Empire; for one in a high Station, who makes the publick Interest
subservient to his own, will never be safe, unless he takes Care,
that no Creature who acts with him, shall have any Sense except
himself. I am not the first who have laid this down as a Maxim; some
of my Predecessors began to practise it, as a necessary Piece of
Self-Defence. 'Tis true I have carried it a little further than
they, and with greater Reason, because I have not forgot in how bad
a Light I stood when _Fowls_ of Parts sway'd the publick Counsels,
with what Sagacity they saw thro' all my private Views and Designs,
and with what Facility they brought about my Disgrace; and
therefore, when I have discover'd in any of those concern'd with me
in Business, a fine Discernment, and a Genius for great Affairs, I
have from that Minute look'd upon such as dangerous, and for that
Reason either procured their Disgrace, or under the Pretence of
doing them Honour, prevail'd upon the Emperor to confer upon them
the Government of some distant Province, where they are removed too
far from the Imperial Counsels, to be able to do me any
Harm.

"But to come nearer to my present Purpose; my Design of placing you
at Court, is to serve as a Spy for me upon the _Squabbaws_; for my
Enemies, who have tried in vain all other Means to overturn me, may
perhaps at last attempt it that Way; and the Avarice of these
_Squabbaws_, which has hitherto been my Support, may one Time or
other (if I am not very vigilant) prove my Ruine. For if my Enemies
should bribe them, to be privately introduced to confer with the
Emperor, there is an End of my Reign; for I am not insensible, that
his Imperial Majesty has no Personal Affection for me, and it is his
own Ease and Indolence that hinders him from looking out for some
other Servant to supply my Place; for Alterations cannot be made
without some little Trouble.

"Be therefore vigilant for my Interest, as you value your own: Be
always quick in your Intelligence, watch every Step and Motion of
the _Squabbaws_, and acquaint me with every thing that passes in
their most secret Transactions. Let me know who are their Advisers,
their Favourites, their Companions; but above all, be quick in
informing me, if any Person should be admitted to confer with the
Emperor; and if possible, hear what is the Subject of their
Discourse. Your grotesque Form may recommend you to the _Squabbaws_;
for Animals sometimes become Favourites amongst us, only for the
Oddness of their Figure. They will say or do any thing before you,
because they will never imagine you capable of making any Remarks;
for the _Cacklogallinians_ have such a Notion, that no Creatures are
endued with Reason like themselves.

"But it will be necessary to instruct you in the Manner of making
your Address, when you enter the Court. You must remember then to
pay your Compliments to the _Squabbaws_, before you do to the
Emperor; and of these the _Vultuaquilians_ claim the Precedence to
those of our own Nation, particularly the bulkiest. It is the
Praftice here to do so, for the Emperor, as to what regards himself,
is no great Lover of Ceremony. The Form of addressing these
_Squabbaws_ has something in it very singular; but the servile
Manners of the _Cacklogallinians_ to those in any Power has made it
necessary to be comply'd with, and is the Cause that they now expect
it. You must make a low Obeisance to the Ground, at which time they
will turn their Backsides upon you, and spreading all the Feathers
of their Tails, give you an Opportunity of saluting them behind. You
will see the _Cacklogallinians_ of Figure and Rank pressing in,
endeavouring who shall be first in kissing the Posteriors of these
_Squabbaws_; and those upon whom they are graciously pleased to turn
their Backsides, and spread their Tails, return highly satisfied, as
if some extraordinary Honour had been conferr'd upon them; nay, I my
self am obliged to do it in as obsequious a Manner as any other,
every time I approach them."

When he had spoke these Words, a Servant came in to give him Notice, that the Coach was ready. He ordered me to put on my Mantle, and attend him: I did so, and he was pleased to do me the Honour to carry me with him in his Coach. In the Way, he discoursed me upon several Subjects. Among other things, it came into his Head to enquire of me, whether, in the Parts of the World from whence I came, there were any such things as Poets. I gave him to understand, that we had several who had been famous in my own Country. He desired to know what kind of Persons they were: I answered him, they were the faithful Registers of the glorious Actions of great Men, whose Praises they sung, in order to stir up others, by their Examples, to the Practice of Vertue, and Love of their Country; and that as it required a great Genius, and fine Understanding, to be a good Poet, they were, for that Reason, highly caressed by the Great, and their Works so well paid for, that it was as rare to see a Poet poor, as a Minister of State grow rich by his Employment. This I said, as well out of Regard to Truth, as for the Honour of my Country. He appeared pretty much surpriz'd at this Account of our Poets, and told me theirs were of a different Character, and met with a different Fate; for they were but little regarded by any great Birds, except the Vain and the Silly, who wanted a little Flattery, for which they paid some small Gratuity, while they wou'd not accept of them as Companions; for it was not fashionable for those of Figure to converse with any thing inferior to them in Wealth or Quality, which was reputed to have Sense: On the contrary, when they receiv'd such for Companions, it was upon the Account of their being either _Buffoons_ or _Pandars_; and this he was pleased to say was the Fashion.

He also confess'd to me, that he himself never had any great Regard for that Sort of Persons, which he own'd he sometimes had Reason to repent; for he found that by their Verses and Discourses, they influenced the Publick very much, by whom they were look'd upon with more Esteem, than by the Courtiers; and that his Enemies had made a proper Advantage of his Contempt of them; for they had taken the most ingenious amongst them into their Party, and exasperated them against him; so that their Compositions had kept up a Spirit against him, and he had the Mortification of seeing the People always receive with Pleasure any thing that exposed and satyriz'd his Conduct. That indeed in his own Defence, he had imploy'd some others to chant his Praise; but they were such wretched Poetasters, and did it so awkardly, that their Performances prov'd more bitter Invectives than the Satyrs of the others; for whenever there happen'd the least Flaw in his Administration, he was sure to receive congratulatory Verses immediately upon it; and that was the Time they chose to proclaim the Happiness the Subject enjoy'd by his wise Management: And they carried this Matter to such a ridiculous Height, that there was not a Vice or a Folly, that either he or any of his Family were remarkable for, but they were prais'd for the contrary Vertues and Accomplishments.

By this Time we arriv'd at the Gates of the Palace; for the Coach being drawn by Six Ostriches, we were but a little Time upon the Way; and mounting the great Stair-case, without being any way molested by the People's Curiosity (for the Moment my Lord appear'd every Fowl of what Quality soever, clapp'd his Beak to the Ground, and did not alter that Posture till he was past) he bid me stay in the Anti-chamber till sent for, and went himself into the Presence. He had not been there five Minutes, before I heard that Door open, and a Jay with a strait-body'd Coat, which button'd on his Breast, and thro' which his Wings and Legs pass'd, came hopping into the Room where I was, surrounded by the Courtiers, who view'd me with Surprize, but were so well bred as to whisper their Sentiments of me. This impertinent Jay peck'd 'em by the Legs, or pull'd 'em by the Crown-feathers, without Distinction: Nay, I saw some _Cacklogallinians_ of the great Order, whose Heads he could not reach, stoop to him, and beg he would do them the Honour to pull their Crowns. Every one shew'd him Respect, and made way for him to come up to me; he view'd me some time, and then peck'd me by the Finger; for he did not reach higher than my Hand, when it hung down. I returned the Compliment with a Wherret of my Fist, which knock'd him over, and had cost me my Life, durst any have struck in the Palace. There was a terrible Uproar, and I was apprehensive, that I should pay dear for my Resentment; but the Emperor to whom my Lord was then giving an Account of me, being inform'd, that the Impertinence of the Jay had caus'd the Disturbance, he order'd him to be carried to the Guard, that he should be lock'd up for three Days, and take two Purges and a Vomit (for Criminals not guilty of Capital Crimes, are punish'd by a Number of Vomits or Purges, which are more or less, according to the Vileness of the Fact) I was called into the Presence-chamber, where I made my Compliment as instructed, and then address'd my self to the Ladies, giving the Precedence always to the bulkiest, according to my Instructions. The first _Squabbaw_ whom I address'd my self to, was about Seven Foot round; her Crop hung within Six Inches of the Floor, which I have since learn'd is a particular Beauty; the Effluvia of her Body were extreamly strong, and oblig'd his Imperial Majesty, when she spread her Tail to me, to smell to an Aromatick Leaf.

This Prince, tho' of a very advanced Age, has been represented, both by the Reports of his Ministers, and others, as a Person of great Incontinency, in which I think he was injured; for tho' he pass'd most of his private Hours only in the Company of the _Vultuaquilian Squabbaws_ (so call'd from the Province where they were born) he did it, partly because of his long Accquaintance with them, and partly to hinder the too frequent Visits of the first Minister, who scarce ever came into his Presence, but to importune him, for new Grants and Promotions for Himself and Family; and as to the _Cacklogallinian Squabbaws_, he sometimes admitted them to please their Husbands and Relations, who flatter themselves with an imaginary Honour, to have their Wives and Daughters near him. I have good Grounds for what I advance; for I was Five Years in his Court, and frequently convers'd with his _Squabbaws_. This won't I hope, be thought a piece of Vanity in me, when the Reader reflects, that I was look'd upon as a Monkey is with our Ladies.

The Emperor was highly delighted with the Present his Minister made him, and order'd all possible Care to be taken of me. My Lord told him I might be as useful to his Majesty as my Make was curious, for he found me very intelligent, learning the Languages with great Facility, and that it was possible I might be serviceable in extending his Dominions, by bringing that Part of the World, which my Species inhabited, in Subjection to his Imperial Majesty.

_Have they_, said the Emperor, _any Gold among them?_ I took the Liberty of assuring his Majesty, that we were the richest Nation in the Universe; that by our Trade, which never was so flourishing as at this Time, we brought in immense Quantities of that valuable Metal, and that we suffer'd none to be exported. _It may then_, replied his Majesty, _be worth our while, one Day to think of this._

The Emperor order'd me to be conducted to an Apartment, and Leave was given to all the _Vultuaquilian_ first, and _Cacklogallinian_ Quality, to see me the next Day. I had every thing I could wish provided for me, and a Month after I had been at Court, I had the Liberty of the Palace, and the Emperor would often call me into his Closet (as he found I was not ignorant in Arithmetick) to help him weigh and count his Wedges of Gold, and set down the Number, Weight and Value of each Piece; for this was a Diversion in which he amused himself.

This Prince was not very curious, for in the five Years I was in his Court, he scarce ever asked me one Question concerning the _Europeans_; nor was he in one Respect the Bubble of his Favourites, for I never saw him give one Piece of Gold to any of them, even the _Squabbaws_.

The Grandees, who perceived me grow in Favour so far, as that the Jay was turn'd out of Court for his Sawciness to me, which he redoubled after his having been confined, strove who shou'd shew me the most Respect, and make me the greatest Professions of friendship. They not only offer'd me their Purses, but even their Wives and Daughters, whom they often left with me and whose Immodesty has often put me to the Blush. Nay, a _Boutofallalian_, a Title answering to our Duke, told me, if I continued this Shyness, and would not do him the Honour to pass now and then an Hour with his Lady, he shou'd not take me for his Friend; and leaving her with me, he lock'd the Door.

Her Grace was as generous as her Spouse; and when I urg'd the Difference of our Species, she said, she was satisfied that wou'd be no Impediment, by what she had seen, for I had indeed no other Covering than a Mantle, and both his Majesty and his _Squabbaws_ took a Pleasure to teaze me, by pulling it off, and leaving me naked in a full Circle. In short, I was forc'd to save my self by the Window being on a Ground Floor, after all my Excuses were to no Purpose: But fearing the Lady's Resentment, I begg'd the Minister, exaggerating her Husband's Merits, to give him a Pension, and I my self carried and delivered the Grant to her Grace, which made my Peace with both.

One Day, an old Colonel, who was very poor, accosted me in the Emperor's Garden. _My Lord_, said he, _I beg you will vouchsafe me an Audience of Quarter of an Hour; I shall look upon it as the greatest Condescension in you, and as the greatest Honour done me._ I told him he mistook my Title, and gave me one I never did aspire to; but that I was very ready to hear and serve him, for I had seen him often at Court offering Petitions, which were always rejected, and I had a Compassion for him.

"Your Goodness, _said he_, can alone be equalled by your Modesty;
give me Leave then to tell you, I have served long and faithfully
in the late Wars against the _Owls_ and _Magpyes_, but to my great
Surprize, at my Return home; my Regiment, without any Fault
alledg'd, was taken from me, and given to a _Valet de Chambre_ who
had never seen an Enemy; his Master was a _Boutofallalian_, had a
Mind to reward his Pimp, and all that I cou'd say, might as well
have been let alone. I had no Estate but what I sold, and gave to a
Courtier to get this Regiment, after I had served many Years as a
Captain, without the least Blemish in my Character. I have since
been in almost a starving Condition, and have wearied my self out
with Petitions to no Purpose; for if any, as very few, were
received, they were never answered, and perhaps never read. I have
therefore no Hopes but what are founded on your Charity: I see it
vain to hope for Employment, and shall change my Suit to that of
being put into the Hospital of the _Meritorians_ (_which in
_English_, signifies disabled and superannuated Soldiers_) I
beg your Compassion for a most unfortunate and perishing Man, who
has served his Prince and Country with Fidelity, and on several
Occasions has distinguish'd himself, as Your Honour will be
satisfied, if you will take the Pains to examine these Certificates."