Chapter I: False Steps in Matrimonial Alliances

When we peruse the yearly returns which are furnished by the Registrar General of the marriages which have taken place in our own country, we are forcibly struck with the many false steps which have been taken by both males and females, even in one year. Parties joined together of the most unequal ages—May and December—plainly declare that there are other motives actuating the one or the other, in the step taken, than the one that should always be predominant at the hymeneal altar.

Another list in the Registrar’s Return will show us what numbers enter the marriage state long before they have come to the age of maturity. In Oriental countries the custom is to marry at an early age; but there the climate, it is said, has an influence on the human frame which earlier developes the state of puberty than is the case in our own northern clime; and that in those countries human decay commences earlier than it does in Europe. Still we hesitate not to say, that early marriages even in hot climates, are injudicious. We are not advocating marriages taking place between the sexes when the vigour and stamina have begun to decay; on the other hand, we would say, that early marriages are preferable to those contracted when the bloom of youth has passed away. But when those are joined together who are not physiologically prepared for the requirements and enjoyments of the matrimonial state, they attempt that for which nature has not fitted them, and impair their physical organs, debilitate their vital powers, and exhaust their strength. We would, therefore, caution our readers not to marry too young.

Another false step taken by those who enter the marriage state is one that requires great discrimination and judgment to avoid: we allude to the bodily or mental disqualification of the one or the other for the true enjoyment of that state. What misery has been experienced by thousands for want of a thorough knowledge of each other bodily and mentally before the knot was tied. The Divorce Court has been, and is, crowded with applicants for redress, who are the victims of their own folly, and who rushed into the connubial state without having a clear and perfect understanding of each other’s qualifications for rendering the marriage state one of enjoyment.

Again, much misery is often productive of the want of a thorough knowledge of the temper and disposition of each other before the consummation of marriage. The lover finds in the object adored, all perfection; and neglects to view this object in its true light, until the irrevocable vow is uttered, and wedded life reveals the unwholesome truth that the temper and disposition of the one, or the other, or both, are of such a nature as to render the domestic hearth any thing but pleasant.

Again, a common error committed by those wishing to enter the marriage state, is that of being dazzled and decoyed by the beauty of the object sought. The beauty of the face is not among women one of universal agreement, as is generally supposed. Voltaire has said, “Ask a toad what is handsome, and he will answer, ‘My mate, with his big eyes and slimy skin.’” The negro’s type of beauty, no doubt, consists in a blackness equal to his own; but is there no specific and positive state of perfection, regularity, harmony, organization, in each species? Have not all their ideas of beauty, independent of the preferences or prepossessions of others? The face of a woman is a mirror of the affections of her soul, as has been often remarked, but the fact has not yet been promulgated, that the different features of a face indicate a particular species of affection.

Again, an error frequently committed by those anxious to enter the matrimonial life is that of seeking for wealth, not the true enjoyment of domestic happiness. Alas! what numbers have made fatal shipwreck by being dashed to pieces, like Sinbad, on this loadstone rock! The man that wishes to find the true enjoyment of married life should not look for a large dower along with the partner of his life, but for a woman of a virtuous, well-educated, and amiable disposition. Such a partner will be of more value than all the gold that has been discovered in California, Australia, and all the other El Dorados yet heard of. But although the lover should not be actuated by an inordinate craving after wealth, still there should be a due foresight exercised to provide for a proper maintenance before entering the marriage state. Many couples get united together before they have provided a home of their own wherein to dwell, and are therefore compelled to be dependent upon others, for a habitation. This is a sad state of things; and has frequently been the cause of embittering the married life of those who would otherwise have enjoyed much of its sweets.

Again, another error which is often committed by those entering the married state, is that of an utter disregard for the tastes and inclinations of each other. For want of due appreciation of the unity of feeling on this subject much unhappiness has been experienced by husband and wife. The husband, perhaps, has a taste for a particular class of literature, and takes a delight in perusing his favourite authors, whilst the wife takes a pleasure in reading works of quite a different description altogether, and persists in maintaining her judgment in opposition to that of her husband, hence unpleasant bickerings and recriminations take place. And as their tastes disagree in regard to the food for the mind, so also they disagree in regard to the food for the body. What she likes, he dislikes, and what he likes, she dislikes. It behoves every one, entering the matrimonial state to have a perfect understanding, and a reciprocity in taste and inclination with each other.

Again, another error into which many fall who are entering the wedded life, is a departure from that candour and uprightness which ought to govern and actuate mankind in every transaction of daily life but more especially in the important one now under consideration. What lamentable consequences have resulted from the deception and subterfuge which have been practised by both male and female, when about to be joined together in the holy bands of wedlock! The man who would deceive the partner whom he vows to cherish and comfort, or the woman who would practice deception on him whom she vows to honour and obey, deserve to taste the bitter fruit of their own sin and folly. It should ever be known by those who are about to become man and wife, that every matter which they are anxious to conceal before marriage, will, very probably, be disclosed at one time or another; and perhaps disclosed in such a way so as to make the secret appear of ten times more importance than it really is. Unbosom every secret, confide in each other; and be assured that, whatever may be the consequence, a clear conscience, truth, and uprightness will comfort and sustain you in every trouble.