Chapter XVIII: A Leetle, Contretemps

THE Major having inducted his guest into one of those expensive
articles of dining-room furniture, an easy chair—expensive,
inasmuch as they cause a great consumption of candles, by sending
their occupants to sleep,—now set a little round table between
them, to which having transferred the biscuits and wine, he drew
a duplicate chair to the fire for himself, and, sousing down in
it, prepared for a _tête-à-tête_ chat with our friend. He wanted
to know what Lord Ladythorne said of him, to sound Billy, in
fact, whether there was any chance of his making him a
magistrate. He also wanted to find out how long Billy was going
to stay in the country, and see whether there was any chance of
selling him a horse; so he led up to the points, by calling upon
Billy to fill a bumper to the “Merry haryers,” observing
casually, as he passed the bottle, that he had now kept them
“five-and-thirty years without a subscription, and was as much
attached to the sport as ever.” This toast was followed by the
foxhounds and Lord Ladythorne’s health, which opened out a fine
field for general dissertation and sounding, commencing with Mr.
Boggledike, who, the Major not liking, of course, he condemned;
and Mrs. Pringle having expressed an adverse opinion of him too,
Billy adopted their ideas, and agreed that he was slow, and ought
to be drafted.

With his magisterial inquiry the Major was not so fortunate, his
lordship being too old a soldier to commit himself before a boy
like Billy; and the Major, after trying every meuse, and every
twist, and every turn, with the proverbial patience and
pertinacity of a hare-hunter, was at length obliged to whip off
and get upon his horses. When a man gets upon his horses,
especially after dinner, and that man such an optimist as the
Major, there is no help for it but either buying them in a lump
or going to sleep; and as we shall have to endeavour to induce
the reader to accompany us through the Major’s stable by-and-bye,
we will leave Billy to do which he pleases, while we proceed to
relate what took place in another part of the house. For this
purpose, it will be necessary to “_ease_ her—_back_ her,” as the
Thames steamboat boys say, our story a little to the close of the
dinner.

Monsieur Jean Rougier having taken the general bearings of the
family as he stood behind “me lor Pringle’s” chair, retired from
active service on the coming in of the cheese, and proceeded to
Billy’s apartment, there to arrange the toilette table, and see
that everything was _comme il faut_. Billy’s dirty boots, of
course, he took downstairs to the Bumbler to clean, who, in turn,
put them off upon Solomon.

Very smart everything in the room was. The contents of the
gorgeous dressing-case were duly displayed on the fine white
damask cloth that covered the rose-colour-lined muslin of the
gracefully-fringed and festooned toilette cover, whose flowing
drapery presented at once an effectual barrier to the legs, and
formed an excellent repository for old crusts, envelopes,
curlpapers, and general sweepings. Solid ivory hair-brushes, with
tortoiseshell combs, cosmetics, curling fluids, oils and essences
without end, mingled with the bijouterie and knick-nacks of the
distinguished visitor. Having examined himself attentively in the
glass, and spruced up his bristles with Billy’s brushes, Jack
then stirred the fire, extinguished the toilette-table candle,
which he had lit on coming in, and produced a great blue blouse
from the bottom drawer of the wardrobe, in which, having
enveloped himself in order to prevent his fine clothes catching
dust, he next crawled backwards under the bed. He had not lain
there very long ere the opening and shutting of downstairs doors,
with the ringing of a bell, was followed by the rustling of
silks, and the light tread of airy steps hurrying along the
passage, and stopping at the partially-opened door. Presently
increased light in the apartment was succeeded by less rustle and
tip-toe treads passing the bed, and making up to the
looking-glass. The self-inspection being over, candles were then
flashed about the room in various directions; and Jack having now
thrown all his energies into his ears, overheard the following
hurried _sotto voce_ exclamations:—

First Voice. “Lauk! what a little dandy it is!”

Second Voice. “Look, I say! look at his boots—one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten: ten pair, as I live,
besides jacks and tops.”

145m

_Original Size_

First Voice. “And shoes in proportion,” the speaker running her
candle along the line of various patterned shoes.

Second Voice. (Advancing to the toilette-table). “Let’s look at
his studs. Wot an assortment! Wonder if those are diamonds or
paste he has on.”

First Voice. “Oh, _diamonds_ to be sure” (with an emphasis on
diamonds). “You don’t s’pose such a little swell as that would
wear paste. See! there’s a pearl and diamond ring. Just fits me,
I do declare,” added she, trying it on.

Second Voice. “What beautiful carbuncle pins!”

First Voice. “Oh. what studs!”

Second Voice. “Oh. what chains!”

First Voice. “Oh, what pins!”

Second Voice. “Oh, what a love of a ring!” And so the ladies
continued, turning the articles hastily over. “Oh, how happy he
_must_ be,” sighed a languishing voice, as the inspection
proceeded.

“See! here’s his little silver shaving box,” observed the first
speaker, opening it.

“Wonder what _he_ wants with a shaving box,—got no more beard
than I have,” replied the other, taking up Billy’s badger-hair
shaving-brush, and applying it to her own pretty chin.

“Oh! smell what delicious perfume!” now exclaimed the discoverer
of the shaving-box. “Essence of Rondeletia, I do believe! No,
extrait de millefleurs,” added she, scenting her ‘kerchief with
some.

Then there was a hurried, frightened “_hush!_” followed by a
“Take care that ugly man of his doesn’t come.”

“Did you ever _see_ such a monster!” ejaculated the other
earnestly.

“Kept his horrid eyes fixed upon me the whole dinner,” observed
the first speaker.

“Frights they are,” rejoined the other.

“He must keep him for a foil,” suggested the first.

“Let’s go, or we’ll be caught!” replied the alarmist; and
forthwith the rustling of silks was resumed, the candles hurried
past, and the ladies tripped softly out of the room, leaving the
door ajar, with Jack under the bed to digest their compliments at
his leisure.

* * * *

But Monsieur was too many for them. Miss had dropped her glove at
the foot of the bed, which Jack found on emerging from his hiding
place, and waiting until he had the whole party reassembled at
tea, he walked majestically into the middle of the drawing-room
with it extended on a plated tray, his “horrid eyes” combining
all the venom of a Frenchman with the _hauteur_ of an Englishman,
and inquired, in a loud and audible voice, “Please, has any lady
or shentleman lost its glo-o-ve?”

“Yes, I have!” replied Miss, hastily, who had been wondering
where she had dropped it.

“Indeed, marm,” replied Monsieur, bowing and presenting it to her
on the tray, adding, in a still louder voice, “I found it in
Monsieur Pringle’s bed-room.” And Jack’s flashing eye saw by the
brightly colouring girls which were the offenders.

Very much shocked was Mamma at the announcement; and the young
ladies were so put about, that they could scarcely compose
themselves at the piano, while Miss Harriet’s voice soared
exultingly as she accompanied herself on her harp.