Chapter III: Part 3

YOU CAN’T BEAT THE DUTCH

Here is a translation of an inscription to be found in an abbey near The Hague, in Holland:

MARGARET, DAUGHTER OF THE ILLUSTRIOUS LORD FLORENT, COUNT
OF HOLLAND, AND OF MATHILDE DAUGHTER OF HENRI, DUKE OF
BRABANT, SISTER OF WILLIAM, KING OF GERMANY, BEING FORTY-TWO
YEARS OF AGE, WAS DELIVERED ON THE FRIDAY BEFORE EASTER,
AT 9 OF THE CLOCK IN THE MORNING, IN THE YEAR 1276,

OF

THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE BABES
MALE AND FEMALE

WHICH (IN THE PRESENCE OF SEVERAL GREAT LORDS AND GENTLEMEN) WERE
ARRANGED IN FRONT OF THE FONT AND WERE ALL BAPTIZED BY A BISHOP,
THE MALES BEING CHRISTENED THE SAME NAME, NAMELY, JEAN, AND THE
FEMALES ELIZABETH.

ALL DIED SOON AFTER, AS DID THE MOTHER,
AND ALL WERE BURIED IN THE SAME SEPULCHRE.

* * *

THE LARGEST NUMBER OF CHILDREN A WOMAN EVER HAD

I have been asked to state the largest number of children a woman could give birth to or ever gave birth to. A similar question was asked of the Editor of the _Journal of the American Medical Association_, and we reprint here the answer:

“Boer, and later V. Valento, reported a case in which eleven labors yielded thirty-two children. The patient was one of quadruplets and the husband one of twins. Berger (Halban) reported a patient who in twenty-five years had thirty pregnancies yielding thirty-six children, of which twenty lived. There were four twins and one triplet birth. The patient herself was one of twins. Burdach reported a case of twenty-seven labors with forty-nine children, of which there were six twins, seven triplets and four quadruplets. In a case reported by Küster there were forty-four children; in the first marriage, of twenty-two years, thirty children; in the second marriage, of three years, fourteen children (triplets, quintuplets and sextuplets). Geissler reported the case of Dr. Mary Austin, who in thirty-three years had forty-four children (thirteen twins and six triplets). She was an active War Nurse and had time to acquire a medical degree, too! A sister had twenty-six children and another sister had forty-one children. In Italian literature a case is reported of a woman who had thirty-three pregnancies with fifty-three children, and a forty-year-old woman who had forty-two children. A Brazilian woman is said to have had forty-four children, all singles, and her one daughter had nineteen and another eighteen children.”

These seem to be authenticated cases but as the Editor remarks, even these seemingly authentic cases are doubtful, for it is hard to count sheep without a sheep-counter. The human memory is notoriously treacherous in such matters.

* * *

There are about 40,000 direct descendants of Confucius (551-478 B.C.) living in China at the present time.

* * *

Gorgias, of Epirus, was born in a coffin in which his mother lay dead for two hours.

* * *

Babou, Count of Abensberg et de Roye, had 32 sons serving in the army of Henry II of Germany at the same time.

* * *

Stephen Pó̈ździoch was the father of 7 children--each one born in a different country.

* * *

Marie Therese, Empress of Austria, was the mother of 16 children, of whom 2 became emperors and 3 became queens.

* * *

Niels Paulsen, of Upsala, Sweden, died in 1907 at the age of 160 and left two sons—one 9 years old and the other 103 years of age.

* * *

Bishop Heinrich of Luttich, Belgium (1281) was the father of 61 children.

* * *

Madame Jacqueline Montgaste, of Paris, is the mother of 17 children by 14 different husbands.

* * *

Hieronymus, of Rome, married 21 women--his twenty-first wife had had 20 husbands before him.

* * *

King Alphonse of Spain was born a king. He received the oath of fidelity at the age of one month.

AN INDIAN JUGGLER’S REMARKABLE FEAT

The following account of a Hindoo who actually lifted a basket of snakes with his eyeballs was written by a young English army officer stationed in Deolai in the Bombay Presidency. He supplemented his letter with several small snapshots of the feat which was unquestionably an authentic performance.

“On my way out to India I heard of many strange and almost
unbelievable tricks and feats which the native jugglers were alleged
to be able to perform. Needless to say I took every possible
opportunity of watching them at work, and saw many things which I
could neither understand nor explain.

“I was stationed at Deolai, and shared a tent with Lieutenants Le
Mare, of the 1st Royal Irish Fusiliers, and R. MacDonald, of the
Yorkshire Regiment. To us there came one day a slim young native
accompanied by a grey-bearded assistant, carrying a couple of baskets
of snakes and magic paraphernalia. After the ordinary stock of
tricks had been performed, such as the basket, mango tree, vanishing
ball, etc., the juggler said in his broken English, ‘Sahibs give two
rupees, I show good thing.’ When the rupees were produced the juggler
took the larger of the two baskets, containing the python, and placed
it upon a large cloth, the four corners of which he knotted together
with a strong thin rope. At the end of this rope were affixed two
little hollow leaden cups.

“These cups the man placed over his eyeballs in such a manner that a
vacuum was created; then he shut his eyelids firmly over the outside
of the cups, and, rising up from his former squatting position, he
lifted the heavy basket containing the snake by the grip of his
eyelids and the suction on his eyeballs alone.

“After the feat was finished and the cups had been removed, to the
accompaniment of a horrid sucking sound, I examined the man’s eyes,
which were horribly bloodshot; moreover, he seemed to have difficulty
in seeing for a few minutes, and the tears streamed down his cheeks.

“I have never heard of this feat being performed before or since but
I vouch for its authenticity, for both Mr. Le Mare and I took several
snapshots which I enclose.”

* * *

“WORDS, WORDS, WORDS”

Hamlet, Act II, Sc. 2

The English language is quite frugal with the letters of the alphabet as compared to the prodigality of foreign tongues. How the Germans do squander the alphabet!

What is the longest word in the English language? Who knows? Here are, however, a few that have posed for the time being as the longest words in the language.

The word most frequently cited is _honorificabilitudinity_, which is to be found in Shakespeare’s “Love’s Labor Lost,” act 5, scene 1, line 44. To the Puritan divine Byfeld we owe _incircumscriptibleness_. Doctor Benson is credited with _antidisestablishmentarions_. To William E. Gladstone we owe _disestablishmentarianism_.

An examination of any treatise on chemistry will reveal several like these: _paraoxymentamethoxyallylbenzene_, and _tetrahydroparamethyloxyquinoline_.

Among modern German words of cumbersome formation is _Schützengrabenvernichtungsautomobile_, which contains thirty-six letters to express what the English indicate by the word “tank” in its military sense.

There is also the “Turkish Association of Constantinopolitan Bagpipe Makers,” which is designed in German by _Constantinopolitanischedudelsackspfeifenmachergesellschaft_.

Bismarck always spoke of a druggist as _Gesundheitswiederherstellungs-
mittelzusammenmischungsverhältnisskundiger_. When he was angry he
vented his spleen with this expletive--_Himmelherrgottkreuzmillionen-
donnerwetter!_ _Damenmantelschneiderinnungskrankenkassenhauptvor-
standsmitgliederversammlung_ is a nice German way of saying
“Assembly of the all-highest direction of the sick fund of the union
of female cloak tailors.” And there is a club of Vienna called _Donau-
dampfschifffahrtselectricitaetenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtenge-
sellschaft_, which contains 81 letters.

You can give your tongue a rest by pronouncing this little Czech phrase--_Strc prst skrz krk._ That twister is literally translated into “thrust finger through neck.”

This one should be easy for you--_Chrzaszcz szumi w trzcinie._ It is the Polish way of saying that “the bug buzzes in the reeds.”

* * *

Here is the longest 12-word telegram. It won a prize in London in 1904:

_Administrator-General’s counter-revolutionary intercommunications
uncircumstantiated Stop Quartermaster-General’s disproportionableness
characteristically contradistinguished unconstitutionalist’s
incomprehensibilities Stop._

* * *

A Revenue Agent in Germany is called by this name _Obertranksteuerdonativcautionszinsgelderhauptcassir_ which may be literally translated “First Main Cashier of Duty on Drinks and Bail Rent Moneys.”

* * *

Madame Schwartz, of Berlin, could understand a speech with the words pronounced backwards.

* * *

There is a river “Aa” in Pas de Calais, France. There is a lake called “Oo,” and a town called “Oo” in the Dept. of Haute Garonne.

* * *

HINTERLADUNGVETTERLIGEWEHRPATRONENHÜLSENFABRIKARBEITERVEREIN

“Society of workers in the factory of bullet cartridges for back loading Vetterli rifles.”

* * *

“PARAMINOBENZOYLDIAETHYLAMINOAETHANOLUMPHYDROCHLORICUM”

--ought to be in every medicine chest. Advertisement in a French newspaper.

* * *

Mons. Wzs is a native of the village of Ws, in France.

* * *

THE 1792 FAMILY

1792 is not a number but a name. The 1792 family is living in Coulommiers, France. There are four sons--and each is named after the months. January 1792, February 1792, March 1792, and April 1792.

March 1792 died in September 1904.

* * *

EPIGRAM UPON NOTHING

U O A O but I O thee,
O O no O but O O me;
Let not my O a mere O go,
But O my O I O thee so.
You sigh for a cipher but I sigh for thee
O sigh for no cipher but O sigh for me;
Let not my sigh for a mere cipher go,
But sigh for my sigh, for I sigh for thee so.

_Composed by Rev. R. Egerton, Warburton._

* * *

CAN YOU PUNCTUATE THIS SENTENCE?

That that is is that that is not is not but that that is not is not that that is nor is that that is that that is not.

That, that is, is; that, that is not, is not; but that, that is not,
is not that that is; nor is that, that is, that that is not.

* * *

“THAT” WORD USED 7 TIMES IN SUCCESSION

It is true for all that, that that that that that that signifies, is not the one to which I refer.

* * *

Enough of that.

* * *

Can you put a comma between--“The king and and and and and Queen”?

* * *

IT’S THE KATZ

The oldest surname in the world is KATZ (the initials of the two words--Kohen Tsedek). Every Katz is a priest, descending in an unbroken line from Aaron the brother of Moses, 1300 B.C.

* * *

Short sentences containing all the letters of the alphabet:

A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.

* * *

_Machoumearobilengmonoolemongametsoarobilengmonoolemong_ means “99” in the language of the Bassoutos tribe of Africa.

* * *

HERE IS THE WORLD’S LONGEST CUSS WORD!
Next time you get mad, say:--
HIMMELHERRGOTTKREUZMILLIONENDONNERWETTER!]

* * *

The longest name yet wished on a helpless infant was bestowed some years ago upon the little daughter of Arthur Pepper, a Liverpool laundryman. The child’s initials exhausted the alphabet, and her christening occupied half a day. They called her Anna Bertha Cecilia Diana Emily Fanny Gertrude Hypatia Inez Jane Kate Louise Maud Nora Ophelia Prudence Quince Rebecca Sarah Teresa Ulysis Venus Winifred Xenophon Yetty Zeno Pepper. She was usually called Alphabet Pepper for short.

* * *

Ed Ek, of Brockton, Mass., owns the shortest name in the United States.

* * *

There is a city called “A” in Sweden, and a city in Wales called _Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgerychwyrndrobwllgerdysiliogogogoch_. I have been in a bay called “Y” in the Zuyder Zee, and on a Lake called _Chargoggagoggmanchaugagoggchaubunagungamaug_ in Connecticut--which means in the Indian language, “You fish on your side, I fish on my side; nobody shall fish in the middle.”

* * *

THE LONGEST WORD IN THE WORLD CONTAINS 184 LETTERS

This word is found in Aristophanes, Ecclesiazousae 1169. It means “hash.”

_Lepado-temacho-selacho-galeo-kranio-leipsano-drim-hypotrimmato-
silphio-karabo-melito-katakechymeno-kichl-epikossypho-phatto-perister-
alektryon-opto-kephallio-kingklo-pepeio-lagoio-siraio-baphe-tragano-
pterygon._

* * *

THERE ARE 58,366,440 DIFFERENT WAYS OF SPELLING THE WORD “SCISSORS”--(PHONETICALLY)

The vocal (phonetical) value of the word scissors is S-I-Z-E-R-S.

There are 17 ways to spell the sound S in English.
„ „ 36 „ „ „ „ I „
„ „ 17 „ „ „ „ Z „
„ „ 33 „ „ „ „ E „
„ „ 10 „ „ „ „ R „
„ „ 17 „ „ „ „ S „

On this basis it is merely a question of mathematics to arrive at the stupendous number of 58,366,440 possible ways of spelling the word.

You will find “all the justifiable forms” of reproducing the 6 sounds S-I-Z-E-R-S in the _“Plea for reformed spelling” pages 35-39 by Alexander John Ellis_.

* * *

THE AUTHOR WHO NEVER READ A BOOK

Pierre Loti, on the occasion of his initiation ceremony as a member of the French academy in 1892, addressed his fellow members as follows: “_Je n’ai jamais rien lu. Par paresse d’esprit, par une frayeur inexpliquée des choses avant d’avoir commencé je n’ai jamais rien lu._” (I have never read anything. Through laziness of the spirit, an unexplained fright of things before I start, I have never read anything.)

When interviewed by a representative of the “_Revue des deux Mondes_” in 1900 he reiterated this statement and called it “the only truthful one of all legends connected with my person.”

H.B. APPLEGATE
--of Ogallala, Neb.
ANCHORED HIS BOAT AT ONE POINT
IN THE SAN JUAN RIVER AND
FISHED IN 4 STATES,
UTAH--COLORADO--ARIZONA--NEW MEXICO.

A COMPLETE COPY
OF “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam”
⁵⁄₁₆ OF AN INCH SQUARE
owned by
P.S. LONG
New York

SOVESKI
of Stanford U.
PITCHED A
NO-HIT GAME
AGAINST
THE UNIVERSITY OF
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
--BUT LOST.
March 29, 1928

SULTAN
HAMENGKOEBOEWONOSENOPAITINGALGONGABGURRACHMANSAYDINPANOTAGOMODE!
IS THE NAME OF THE SULTAN OF DJOCJOCKARTE]

* * *

AN AMERICAN PALINDROME

N O M A D
O C A N A
M A D A M
A N A C O
D A M O N

Doc. Applegate.

* * *

ANTIPERICATAMETAPARHENGEDAMPHICRIBRATIONES

Is the title of a book by Rabelais.

“_Aldiborontephoscophornio_, where left you _Chrononhotonthologos_?” is a burlesque pomposo in Henry Carey’s farce.

When traveling in Argentina, I met a man in Buenos Aires whose name was Señor Don Juan Iturriberrigorrigoicoerotaberricooechea.

Pe Maung, in his “The Glass Palace Chronicle of the Kings of Burma,” mentions the name of King Siritaribhavanadityapauaraanditasudhammarajamahadhipatinarapatisithu. His subjects were compelled to pronounce the entire 69 letters whenever they were permitted to address him.

The thirteenth holder of the title of “Living Budha,” or Dalai Lama, of Lhassa, Tibet, was called “Ahwangloputsangtoputanchiatachichiawangchuchuehlelangschieh.” This name was comparatively easy for his worshipers as it only contains 58 letters.

Mark Twain speaks of a Holy Man in Benares, India, who had 109 names--the last of which contained 58 letters. He writes it this way Sri 108 Matparamahansaparivrajakacharyaswamibhaskaranandasaraswati.

* * *

A little Honolulu lady bears this appellation: Miss Kalani Kaumehamehakahikikalanynakawahinekuhao.

The late Western Empress Dowager, of China, that ancient Dame who hated the “Foreign Devils” with such celestial severity, was named: Tzu-hsi-tuan-yu-kang-hsi-chao-yu-chuang-cheng-shou-kung-chin-hsien- chung-hsi-huang-tai-hou. A careful count reveals 72 letters--all important.

If the old Chinese Empress possessed the longest appellation, then just as surely does one of her many millions of subjects possess the shortest of all names. Meet Mr. “I,” of Hangchow, China. Philologists all declare this name the shortest as it is only one letter long and that letter displaces less space than any other in the alphabet. Mr. I is a graduate of the Johns Hopkins Medical School in Baltimore.

THE MENTAL MARVEL

Elijah, the Gaon, Chief Rabbi of Lithuania, possessed such a prodigal memory that he never forgot a book once he read it. Prof. Graetz, noted contemporary historian, states that the Gaon committed to memory 2,500 volumes. He knew by heart the Bible, Midrash, Mekilta, Sifre Tosefta, Seder Olam, the Talmuds (Babylonian and Jerusalmi), the Zohar, the Code, Rashi, Rambam, etc. and could quote any passage at will.

This venerable scholar resided in Vilna, the ancient capital of Lithuania, which at the time was the largest Jewish settlement in the world. His memory is revered to the present day by the Jews of Eastern Europe, and the above ancient print of the Gaon is prominently displayed on the Eastern wall of almost every orthodox dwelling.

HOT LIPS

Beauty, of course, is a matter of personal opinion, but surely nowhere in the world do people have stranger opinions than among the Saras-Djinges in Africa. The distorted lips of these Central-Africa belles are one of the most astonishing customs in the world. Their lips are pierced with wooden discs of increasing size until the lower lip is distended to such an extent that 14-inch soup plates can be worn. The enormous overgrowth of lip makes chewing of food impossible, so these women must live almost entirely upon a liquid diet. Speech is almost impossible and so difficult that they do not make anything but the most necessary splutters.

When a girl is about four years old her future husband makes a hole in the centers of her upper and lower lips with a rough knife and small pegs of wood are placed within. Gradually the size of the wooden pegs are increased until by the time she has reached womanhood her lips are things of beauty and a joy forever.

At night the Djinges wife sleeps with her huge lower lip on her husband’s shoulder. This enables him to feel sure that his wife is with him, that she has not been stolen, or run away from him in the darkness.

* * *

PILLAR SAINTS

A man may be too foolish for his own good--but not for mine. Their folly is my fortune. I’ll get rich off the ridiculous yet. As long as they have ‘Bunion Derbies,’ Marathon Dances, Non-Stop Coffee Drinkers, and Pole-Sitters, the “Believe It or Not” business will prosper.

For instance, if someone had told you some time ago that a man in his right mind would climb a pole and sit on top of it for more than two weeks without once descending you most likely would not believe it.

Of course you know better now. You have grown accustomed to that particular and peculiar swarm of Koo-Koo birds who have been infesting the flag poles of our nation for some time past.

“Shipwreck” Kelly began it with a well-sat record of 12 days and 12 hours. “Spider” Haines clambered up a pole in Denver and stayed there four days longer than “Shipwreck Kel.” Soon all the available flag-poles in the country were inhabited. The city of Los Angeles was topped by a girl--even the air is elevating out there. Miss Bobby Mack, age 21, perched herself aloft for nearly three weeks.

I am not quite sure which one of these nuts is the nuttiest--but I think “Hold ’Em” Joe Powers, of Chicago, who stayed on top of the Morrison Hotel flag pole, 637 feet above Randolph Street, for 16 days, 2 hours and 35 minutes, is deserving of the crown of razzberries--or whatever they give the winners of sitting contests.

Let me add a comment from a Chicago paper just to give you an idea of fun at top-mast.

(Chicago Tribune Press Service)

Chicago, July 16.--“Hold ’Em” Joe Powers, a dusty, dirty, frazzly,
frowzy creature, came down from his flagpole.

Six teeth were gone; his legs were swollen; little needles of nerves
burned into the soles of his feet when he tried to walk; his hair was
snarled and matted; his beard was long; his face was black; his neck
was sunburned.

But life had its compensations.

Joe had the memory of a record sixteen days, two hours and thirty-odd
minutes on top of the flagpole which is on top of the roof which is
on top of the tower which is on top of the Morrison Hotel.

But no matter what you do, whether it is sitting on top of a flag pole or on a tack there seems to be someone who has done you one better at some time or other. Now Sitting Joe and “Shipwreck” Kelly to all intents and purposes did some tall sitting; but I have seen better!

I saw a man who had been sitting on a bed of sharp spikes for 18 years. (I have already told you about him on page 9.)

And there was that man Savan. Savan’s sitting amounted to something. He is the only sitter that I have ever heard of that had a practical idea behind him--or I should say under him. Savan was a soldier in Napoleon’s army in Egypt. He went AWOL or something. You know the women out there all wear veils and maybe Savan got curious. The veil is the great beauty secret of the Orient. The heavier the veil the greater the beauty. I haven’t the same faith in Oriental beauty since I have been out there. And particularly since I discovered that Cleopatra was fat and black and 46 years old and married to her brother when she met Mark Antony, who was 60 himself and wore a full set of whiskers. But as I was saying, Savan was ordered to do K.P. work but demurred. Nap called him in and asked him “Qu’est-ce que ça?”

“I am not able to work,” said Savan. “I am too weak to do anything more than just sitting around.” So they took him at his word and gave him just such a job. They fixed up a nest of hen’s eggs and placed Savan on it--and kept him sitting there, mad as a wet hen, until he hatched 3 broods of chickens!

But a word about Simon. Here was a man who really could sit. They called him Simon of the Pillar. Maybe he was a forefather of the illustrious Simple Simon of nautical fame. But Simon could sit. He was a Syrian ascetic who sat on top of a marble column in Alexandria for 69 years--without descending one time. Simon clambered up the column when a young boy and remained seated on this narrow space of less than 3 feet in diameter until his death years later.

This man belonged to a school of “Pillar-Saints”--a class of ascetics who sat atop various columns or rocks in the Near East, in the expectation of catching the first glint of the second coming of Christ, in the 5th and 6th centuries.

St. Simon the Elder, who is the subject of Tennyson’s “St. Simon Stylites” (he spent 37 years sitting on top of a column) and St. Simon the Younger who remained aloft for 69 years, are the two best known.

During my several trips to Egypt and Syria I saw many standing columns, especially around Antioch, and they all bore some kind of a legend about some such “Saint” or other, who sat atop them for various lengths of time.

Food and drink were passed up to them, and the climate, as you know, is very mild in the Near East.

_I refer you to the following books: “Die Säulen Heiligen im
Arabischen,” by Dr. Ignatz Weinzieher; “St. Simon Stylites,” by René
Aldoni; “Stylites or Pillar Saints,” by Herbert Thurston._

* * *

TWO SCANDINAVIANS ROWED ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN

Just thirty years ago two Norwegians rowed--actually _rowed_--across the Atlantic from New York. They made no great fuss about it. They were in New York. The weather was fine. They reckoned that they would row home and see how the old folks were getting on. Of course one ought to have a good, reliable rowing-boat, not a second-hand craft, so, like most wise cockleshell cruisers, they built her themselves, of well and truly seasoned cedar-wood. Eighteen ft. long was she, clinker built, with a 5-ft. beam and a depth inside of 35 in. _Fox_ was her name. She dropped down the river from New York, on the outgoing tide, at five o’clock on the afternoon of June 6, 1896.

For more than a month the life of the rowers was relatively uneventful. The sun shone. The hills of swell went rolling majestically by. The oars were steadily plied, shift after shift. One ate. One sang. One slept.

Then things began to happen and their trip the rest of the way was a nightmare. God was good to them, however, and eventually they made the port of Havre where they landed sixty-two days after leaving New York. By examining their log-book and talking with them, Dr. Chancellor, the at first openly sceptical American consul at that port, ascertained that this astounding feat had indeed been accomplished.

* * *

WEDDED FOR 147 YEARS

All records for a long and happy wedded life belong to Janos Roven and his good wife Sara. They lived together as man and wife for 147 years--and almost saw their third golden jubilee.

Janos and Sara were born in the little village of Stradova, Comitat (County) Casanseber, Banat (Province) of Temesvar, Hungary; and they both died there--Janos being 172 years old and Sara, 164.

The aged couple attracted considerable attention during the later years of the wedlock, and the Dutch envoy in Vienna visited them and had their pictures painted. This painting is now in the possession of William Bosville, the trustee of the Earl of Northumberland, who also has the original documents of their marriage.

Janos and Sara died almost on the same day in 1825. Their son, aged 116 years, and his two great-great-grandsons, were at the bedside.

* * *

THE LAND OF THE HUMMING BIRDS

Early one morning--Oh! earlier than one wants to get up in indolent weather--we approached La Boca del Dragon--the Mouth of the Dragon, and squeezed in among the teeth-like islands onto the peaceful bosom of placid Paria and slid silently and quietly down along the ever-green shore of Trinidad.

“_Rocklets of ocean, so bright in your green,
Bosomed on Paria’s stormless breast,
How many mem’ries of times that have been
Linger around ye, sweet Isles of the West._”

Trinidad!--“The Trinity.” So named by Columbus when he first sighted it--not only on account of its formation, but in fulfillment of a vow he had made when in dire distress on the unknown sea with his wine, water, and food all gone.

Since we have all the wine and food we want (and we can get water) I prefer the appellation “Iere” as the Caribs called it--the “Land of the Humming Birds”--a well-merited name from the myriads of winged gems that fly like glowing sparks in the deep green forests that pile up so picturesquely on the starboard. Glittering Paradise!

Nature is nowhere more charming than on this warm, sweet isle. My arborist friend tells me that among the effulgent efflorescence of Iere there grows the _Tecoma Serratifolia_--the _Borassus Flabelliformis_, the _Corypha Umbracilifera_--the _Pithecolobium Saman_, and the _Couroupita Guianesis_. But they are rare and beautiful just the same.

Columbus and Raleigh wrote home to their girl friend, Isabella, about “the oysters that grew on trees; crabs that climb their branches; trumpet fish that tooted their own fish horns; and about the Cascadura fish that wore a coat of mail.”

Isa only laughed and said “Creelo ó no.”

And I suppose you will say so too when I tell you about the Burning Birds of Huevos. Huevos is that little egg-shaped island off toward Venezuela where there is a cave full of whirring birds that suck goats and grow so fat that the natives of Paria stick wicks through them and use them for candles.

We were only 10 degrees from the equator--that magic line where nature is the strongest and man is the weakest. Here the earth grows vigorous and man grows lazy. The land turns green and the people turn black.

Kipling said something about East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet, but Rud forgot about the Port of Spain. East Indians and West Indians meet and mix. The island is one-third Hindoo and the mixture is well seasoned with Chinese, Japs, Syrians wearing their turbans and saroongs, shirts and pants. The singular Singhalees and the Trinadadians act like brothers under their black skins.

I returned at night from the Pitch Lake--the “wonder” of the island--a lake of pitch of more than 100 acres furrowed by deep fissures of cool water. These fissures are crossed by planks. In many spots the pitch is absolutely firm, but in some places one’s feet sink quickly, and here and there the pitch is seen boiling. The lake is said to have sunk ten inches in fifty years. The lake is at present leased to the Trinidad Lake Asphalt Company, whose average exportation is about 200,000 tons of pitch annually. A chain of buckets carries the pitch along the jetty, at which lie the steamers awaiting their cargo.

The streets are lined with sleeping Hindoos who only fold up, bow their heads and close their eyes when the day is done. I accidentally stepped on a black toe peeping out from under a huddled figure in a darkened doorway and a low rumble issued forth. You see, every man’s home is his castle.

Now I am sitting on the veranda of the Ice House with the two sisters from Ottawa. On the wall inside is a framed tag line from the old English song.

~=“Ours is a nice house, ours is.”=~

So they call it the “Ice House”--“where the cool green swizzles grow.” A “swizzle” is the best tropical drink in this hemisphere. It is made of rum, white of an egg, a lemon, sugar, nutmeg--and swizzled. Inasmuch as Ontario voted dry recently it is only fitting and proper that Ottawa girls and I should be having a swig of a swizzle on the veranda of an Ice House as the sun goes down.

How the sun goes down! Night falls in the tropics. There is no twilight. The blood-red disk down the end of Marine Square has just tumbled precipitously into the sea.

Now it is dark.

* * *

JIM CORBETT FOUGHT IN THE PRIZE RING FOR 18 YEARS ... and never had a black eye or a bloody nose.

This fact is flattering testimony to the remarkable skill of Corbett. “Gentleman” Jim was the first great exponent of cleverness inside the ropes. When he defeated the great slugger John L. he revolutionized the game at the same time.

* * *

THE FISH THAT CLIMBS TREES

This finny acrobat that is wont to leave its aquaeous habitat to climb trees is a native of Malaysia. It is more formally known as the Periophthalmus Schlosseri. When the tide is out these frisky fish squirm playfully about in the mud and frequently wriggle up the nearby trees in quest of toothsome insects. They propel themselves with unusual agility by means of two strong leg-like fins, and are able to ascend good-sized trees where they sometimes look down on travelers with their big soulful eyes.

* * *

“Dear Rip:

Your “Believe It or Not” cartoons astound me daily, but I think that
recently I witnessed a happening worthy of your mention.

I was fishing about a mile or so above Kalma on the Columbia River
when suddenly I saw a Black Bass--weighing about 4 pounds--leap from
the river and swallow a bird.

Believe me,
A. B. Stafford.”

* * *

RED RAIN

Every now and then some section of the world goes into a panic over the queer behavior of the skies. Not long ago in Clermont, France, the provincials thought the end of the world had come. It was raining blood! At least they thought so; and there could be no doubt but that the rain was red.

Surely it was the end of the world. But in a short time the showers stopped and the old world went rolling on just the same.

There are no proven explanations for such showers. The rain was red, no doubt, and the best reason advanced for the phenomenon disclosed the fact that the air was full of red dust which was believed to have been blown over from the Desert of Sahara.

Wild stories of bloody rain have been related for ages, and it is only of recent date that the non-miraculous nature of them was determined. Homer, Virgil, and Plutarch mention blood showers. Plutarch speaks of showers of blood following great battles, and asserts that bloody vapors, distilled from the bodies of the slain, impregnated the clouds, from which they were subsequently shed upon the earth.

The most recent account of red rain was sent to me from a friend of mine in China, who clipped it from the _Central China Post_. There is no doubt of its authenticity.

* * *

RAIN OF BLOOD

MONGOLIA FOLK IN TERROR OVER
PHENOMENON

Harbin, June 29, 1928.

A “rain of blood” in Mongolia has spread terror among the people and
temporarily deranged trading conditions there, according to reports
received here.

The “blood rain” coincided with an epidemic of dysentery and the
Mongols took this as a sign of heavenly displeasure, fleeing
terror-stricken in every direction and abandoning their yiurts and
cattle herds.

The Phenomenon started with a rapid approach of heavy dull-brown
clouds and a red rain then continued to fall for three hours, leaving
the whole landscape, yiurts and cattle painted a deep red hue.

European traders who were present easily discovered that the coloring
was due to red clay, which must have been raised skyward by a
cyclone, but they were unable to persuade the Mongols of this.

For three days the terror lasted, the men wearing amulets of
horsehair around their necks and the women each night placing infants
outside the yiurts as an offering to God with the hope of diverting
heavenly wrath from the rest of the occupants. As the nights were
cold the wails of the infants ceased only with daylight.

RED
SNOW
FALLS IN
JAPAN

EMMETT FRENCH
PLAYED PINEHURST
WITH A PUTTER
IN 80

Jan. 12, 1921

George Head & Co
Real Estate
London
[...]

THIS
LETTER
WAS
DELIVERED
64 YRS.
LATE

GLAEDELIGT NYTAAR
BOLDOG ÚJÉVET
FELIZ AÑO NUEVO
טובה שנהל
GOTT NYTT ’ÅR
UNE HEUREUSE NOUVELLE ANNÉE
STASTNY NOVÝ ROK
GLÜCKLICHES NEUJAHR
BUON ANNO
WESOŁEGO NOWEGO ROKU
GELÜKKIG NIEW JAAR
GODT NYTAAR
HAPPY NEW YEAR
ETC]

* * *

THE BARKING BIRD

The bird that barks is a red-breasted little fellow indigenous to central Chile, and is called by the natives “_Guid-guid_.” It sounds altogether like a small dog yelping in the forest. A person will sometimes hear the bark close by, but in vain may endeavor by watching, and with still less chance by beating the bushes, to see the bird; yet at other times the guid-guid fearlessly comes near.

_Ref.: Charles Darwin._

* * *

THE SHARK DESTROYER

Who would ever imagine that a little soft fish--less than a foot in length--could kill the great and savage shark?

The little Urchin-fish, or Sea Hedgehog (Diodon Maculatus), of South America frequently destroys savage monsters 25 feet long, in a most peculiar manner. This fish, with its flabby skin, arrayed with spiny points, possesses the singular power of distending itself into a globular form, and thus causing the spines to project in every direction like the quills of an irritated porcupine.

When swallowed by a shark it calmly eats and bores its way out, not only through the coats of the stomach, but completely through the sides of the monster--thus killing it.

* * *

MAN-EATING CLAMS

I mean that this species of clams eats men--not that men eat the clams. The mammoth clams of Malaysia--measuring 4 feet across and weighing 500 pounds are sure death to anybody careless enough to step within their open jaws. I heard many stories, when I was out there, of natives who had lost their lives in this manner.

There is a giant clam whose shells are now used as holy-water basins in the Cathedral of St. Sulpice, Paris, which must have weighed nearly 700 pounds. The shells alone weigh 550 pounds and are nearly 5 feet across.

* * *

PRANKS OF NATURE

When we consider how fearfully and wondrously made we all are, it is not surprising that Mother Nature sometimes makes a mistake. Human errors are not always pleasant to look at or think about, so I will not go into any length of detail discussing the mistakes or monstrosities of life.

THE CHILD CYCLOPS

The famous Clement child of Tourcoing, France, was born (1793) with only one eye located in the center of her forehead. She was perfectly normal in every other way, and lived to the age of fifteen.

_Reported by Buffon in his Natural History, Vol. II._

* * *

THE TRANSPARENT MAN

Hsieh Hsuan, a native of Yu-t’ien in Chihli, China (1389-1464) was born with transparent flesh. The bones and organs of his body were plainly visible.

Hsieh was a profound scholar and attained his Chu Jen Degree. He entered upon an official career, but became implicated in a bribery case, and was sentenced to death. He continued his studies in prison and calmly studied a book even when led out to execution. He was reprieved and later canonised, and in 1572 his tablet was placed in the Confucian Temple.

_Ref.: Chinese Biographical Dictionary, by Herbert A. Giles._

* * *

THE CRAB-TOED TRIBE

In the western part of New York State dwells a community of crab-toed people whose peculiar affliction has puzzled scientists. The hands and feet of this group of people resemble claws of a crab or lobster.

Here is the report of the Superintendent of the Rome State School, of New York, Dr. Charles Bernstein:

“The Rome State School sent a field worker into the community where
this strange progeny existed and the descriptive matter showed that
there have been 184 cases of crab-toes--most of whom were social
outcasts in the community, presenting many alcoholics, prostitutes,
etc.

“It was discovered that an English woman came over in the year 1800
and settled in Western New York. Later she married and the male
offsprings of this union were crab-toed. Later it was found that this
was a sex-linked affair through which the females never presented the
symptoms but transmitted it to their male offspring, no females ever
having it but all females transmitted it to their male children.

“While the intelligence status of these people is very low it is
sufficient to enable them to become successful workers and often
skilled mechanics. They do not seem especially sensitive about their
situation as they readily submit to having their pictures taken, etc.”

* * *

Bidault, a French peasant, was born with two noses.

* * *

Leone, the Athenian courtesan, bit off her own tongue to prevent herself from revealing the conspiracy between Harmodius and Aristogiton.

A statue in the form of a lioness without a tongue was erected in her honor by the Athenians.

YOGI HARIDAS

This famous Ascetic could touch his forehead with his tongue. It is a form of high Hindoo heroics. In other words Haridas could touch his caste mark with his tongue. This required years of practice and many painful surgical operations on the roots of his tongue.

* * *

General Townsend, of London, could control the palpitation of his heart and suspend its action entirely at will.

This unnatural phenomenon is attested to by the well-known English physicians, Doctors Cheyne and Bayard.

The General died eight days after suspending his heart action for half an hour.

* * *

Leach, the noted dwarf, (1789-1818) had arms so long that he could touch the ground while standing upright.

* * *

THE FORK-TONGUED FRÄULEIN

Surely there never lived a more unfortunate young woman than this Frankfort Fräulein. She had two tongues but could not speak a word! Her case is reported by both the _Medical Record_, and the _Courrier Médical_ of France. This peculiar mistake of nature is extremely rare although it has happened before.

THE GLASS SNAKE

The glass snake is not made of glass nor is it a snake. It is so-called because of its odd propensity of snapping into pieces at the slightest touch. It is a lizard, but it is indeed so singularly like a serpent that it can only be distinguished from one by certain anatomical marks, such as the presence of eyelids, and the solid jawbones.

To catch a perfect specimen of the glass snake is very difficult business for when alarmed it has the remarkable habit of contracting the muscles of its tail with such exceeding force that the member snaps off the body. The snake will sometimes break into several pieces if struck slightly with a switch. It is found only in North America.

THE LEFT-HANDED FAMILY

The family of Colombière, Nancy, France, were all born with two left hands--that is, both hands were left hands. This peculiarity was transmitted through the males; the females were exempt. They are perfectly normal in every other way.

THE MAN FAMILY

The Bossant family of Gijon, Spain, have had no girls born to them for more than one hundred years. They are a large family but for some reason no girls.

* * *

John Sinclair, of Halkirk, Caithness-shire, England, was married three times, and each wife bore him ten sons. He died in 1890.

* * *

Vaclav Kratochwil, of Prerau, Czechoslovakia, has blue eyelashes.

THE
FORKED-TONGUED FRÄULEIN
of FRANKFORT.
GRETEL MEYER WHO HAD 2 TONGUES
--BUT COULD NOT SPEAK.

SIEGMUND
KLEIN
weight ... 146 lbs.
PRESSED
233¹⁄₂ LBS.
TO ARMS LENGTH
OVER HIS HEAD

H. HANSON
LOST A POUND A DAY
FOR 100 DAYS

LONDON’S
HONKING
PEDESTRIAN
HONKS TO
WARN AUTOS
ASIDE

THE GLASS SNAKE
SNAPS INTO
PIECES AT THE
SLIGHTEST TOUCH]

* * *

THE HALF WOMAN

“Violetta,” as she prefers to be known, was born without arms or legs, of normal parents less than thirty years ago in Germany. She is a lady of perennial good nature--realizing that what one never possesses one never misses. Her body is well formed otherwise, she enjoys perfect health, and her senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch are all developed and perfected in their separate and various functions far beyond the average normal person’s.

Violetta’s accomplishments in overcoming the unkindness of Mother Nature are astounding. She rarely needs the assistance of anyone, and is able to get about with remarkable facility. She can dress herself, comb her own hair, thread a needle, sew, and perform other feats apparently bordering on the impossible.

* * *

THE DOUBLE-EYED MAN

Liu Ch‘ung, or Liu Min, as he was sometimes known, was born with double pupils in each eye. This strange freak of nature did not in the least deter this active man. He became Governor of Shansi, Minister of State, and through intrigue with the Dowager Empress, had his son proclaimed Heir Apparent. He also loved wine and gambling.

I refer you to Herbert A. Giles’ book on China.

* * *

THE MAN WITHOUT EARS

Ezechiel Eads, of Athens, New York, who died in 1884, was born without ears. The sides of his head bore no trace of ears whatever; neither had he openings for ears.

However, he was able to hear through his mouth which he opened wide for the purpose.

* * *

THE FAMILY PHYSICIANS

The Curtis family of London has maintained an unbroken line of doctors for 224 years, until September 25, 1927. Until this date there has always been a member of the family with an M.D. Degree. The last of this long line was Doctor William Curtis who died at the age of eighty-seven.

* * *

LION-HEARTED

The lion has the smallest heart of all predatory animals.

Philip II, of Spain, one of the most cowardly of all tyrants, possessed the largest heart of any known man.

* * *

Joseph de Mai, of Naples, was born with two hearts. He sold his own body to the English Academy of Medicine for $3,000.

* * *

Plinius tells of the child called Eutimenius who was sexually mature at the age of three years.

* * *

Magdalena Strumarczuk, of Tobolsk, Russia, had her breasts on her back. She was the mother of three children and nursed them normally.

* * *

Sophie Bunnen, wife of a Pomeranian farmer of Prussia, gave birth to eleven children in sixteen months. She had sextuplets and quintuplets. (1880-1881.)

Reported by Dr. Gottlob, famous German obstetrician.

* * *

Duke Leopold Eberhart, of Württemberg, married his seventeen children with each other.

* * *

THE DUSTY OCEAN

Oh! Yes it is! The ocean is often very dusty. A recent account of a dust storm at sea was reported in June, 1928, by Captain Nemaru of the Japanese steamship “Montreal Maru” on arrival in Tacoma from the Orient.

Captain Nemaru stated that two buckets full of dust were swept from the decks on several mornings in succession, and that the dust powdered the passengers, decks, and lifeboat coverings.

A few months before, the Captain of the steamship “Justin” reported a sand storm in the North Atlantic ocean about midway across.

Recently the crew of the “Jaden,” a Roosevelt Line steamer, came into Calcutta with stories of a dust storm in the Red Sea. The red dust or sand hung so thick over the ship as to make navigation difficult, and the ship was forced to slow down as though in a dense fog. The whole sky was obscured by a reddish haze of sand from the desert.

Darwin writes of the “Beagle’s” experience off Porto Praya, Brazil. He collected several packets of the dust and had them analyzed by Professor Ehrenberg, who found that the dust contained no less than 67 different organic forms. These infusoria, with the exception of two marine species, were all the inhabitants of fresh water.

Darwin arrived at the conclusion that this dust had been raised high in the air and blown over from Africa.

* * *

The Monthly Weather Review reports Red Rain on the coast of Newfoundland in 1890 (Vol. 29, page 121) and snowflakes 15 inches across and 8 inches thick that fell in Montana 1887 (page 73).

* * *

Black Rain fell in Ireland over an area of 400 square miles on May 14, 1849.

_Ref.: “Annals of Scientific Discovery.”_

* * *

Red, white and blue hailstones fell in Russia, June 14, 1880.

_Ref.: “Annals of Philosophy,” Prof. Schwedoff._

* * *

The report of the Smithsonian Institute for 1870 (page 479) states that hailstones the size of elephants fell at Seringpatan, India.

* * *

RAINING FISHES AND FROGS

There are numerous accounts of showers of fishes and frogs--and even rats. And such things actually happened. A friend of mine wrote me that he witnessed a fall of fishes in the town of Longreach, Queensland, Australia, in March, 1924. “I picked some of them up and found that they were 1¹⁄₂ inches to 3 inches long, and very much alive.”

Such showers are easily explained.

Tornadoes and waterspouts passing over bodies of shallow water are quite apt to suck up fish, frogs, tadpoles, etc., into the clouds, later despositing them at distant places along the path of the storm.

There are many cases of so-called miraculous showers in which the substances found on the ground did not actually fall from aloft. Thus some alleged rains of blood are due to the deposit of red fluid ejected by certain species of lepidoptera emerging simultaneously in large numbers from their cocoons, and others to the rapid multiplications in rain pools of algae and rotifers containing red coloring matter. The well-known red snow of polar regions results from the presence of similar organisms.

* * *

THE RED SEA

In 1823, the waters of the bay and seaport of Tor, not far from Mount Sinai, turned blood red three times. This phenomenon is described by Darwin and Ehrenberg as being caused by a marine plant, the Trichodesium. This minute organism is also the probable explanation of the first of the Egyptian plagues mentioned in Exodus.

MANNA FROM HEAVEN

Manna, the bread from the skies, that the Lord sent down to the starving hosts of Israel was not only a miracle but a scientific fact.

Believe me, for I have tasted of it myself. It is gathered by the Arabs today and sold to the tourists in the Holy Land. It is a resinous gum exuding from the fragile twigs of the tamarisk, an evergreen shrub, which is found in several valleys of the Mid-Sinai. The honey-like drops appear usually during June and July just before sun-up while the air is cold and dewy.

I found it sweet-tasting and gummy, but for the life of me I cannot imagine anybody growing very fat on it.

Recently several organizations have attempted to search out the source of this sweet somewhere in the shadow of Mount Sinai. According to the news from Jerusalem, it is believed that this Heaven-sent nourishment has commercial possibilities; so don’t be surprised if in the near future we find these famous agglutinized tears for sale in every candy store.

* * *

WHISTLING TREES

If you would listen to trees that whistle, you must go to the melodious Acacia groves in the land of “Fuzzy Wuzzy”--the Sudan.

This freak of nature is caused by the larvae of insects which work their way inside the ivory-white shoots and cause them to swell out at their base like globular bladders to the extent of an inch or more. After this mysterious insect has unaccountably managed to glide out of its circular hole, this thorn-like shoot becomes a sort of musical instrument upon which the wind, as it blows, produces the regular sound of a flute.

* * *

SHIRTS GROWING ON TREES

Humboldt describes the “shirt trees.”

“We saw on the slope of the Cerra Dnida shirt trees fifty feet high. The Indians cut off cylindrical pieces two feet in diameter, from which they peel the red and fibrous bark without making a longitudinal incision. This bark affords them a sort of a garment which resembles a sack without a seam. The upper opening serves for the head, and the two lateral holes are cut to admit the arms.”

* * *

OYSTERS GROWING ON TREES

“Oysters growing on trees? Impossible,” everybody said upon my return from a South American jaunt.

Yet the oyster tree, that is considered such a curiosity, is very common on the islands of the Caribbean and the Spanish Main. I have seen many such trees in Cuba, Trinidad, Barbados, and Colombia, with their lower stems and branches literally covered with the festive oyster. These peculiar shell-fish are found in lagoons and swamps along the coast, and they attach themselves to the lower parts of the Mangrove trees as far up as the tide will rise and the spray will fly. When the tide is out, the Mangrove trees, which, by the way, are one of the very few trees that flourish in salt water, present a strange appearance with their oyster crop.

* * *

THE COW TREE

The tree that gives milk is one of the most famous phenomena of nature. It is found most frequently along the northern Cordillera of South America, and is called by the natives “the milk tree” (arbol de leche).

Humboldt made a special study of this tree. Let him tell it:

“We can scarcely conceive how the human race could exist without
farinaceous substances, and without that nourishing juice which
the breast of the mother contains. The amylaceous matter of corn,
the object of religious veneration among so many nations, ancient
and modern, is diffused in the seeds, and deposited in the roots
of vegetables; milk, which serves as an aliment, appears to us
exclusively the produce of animal organization. Such are the
impressions we have received in our earliest infancy: such is also
the source of that astonishment created by the aspect of the cow
tree. A few drops of vegetable juice recall to our mind all the
powerfulness and fecundity of nature. On the barren flank of a rock
grows a tree with coriaceous and dry leaves. Its large woody roots
can scarcely penetrate into the stone. For several months of the
year not a single shower moistens its foliage. Its branches appear
dead and dried; but when the trunk is pierced there flows from it a
sweet and nourishing milk. It is at the rising of the sun that this
vegetable fountain is most abundant. The negroes and natives are
then seen hastening from all quarters, furnished with large bowls to
receive the milk, which grows yellow and thickens at the surface.
Some empty their bowls under the tree itself, others carry the juice
home to their children.

“In examining the physical properties of animal and vegetable
products, science displays them as closely linked together. Nothing
appears isolated; the chemical principles that were found to be
peculiar to animals are found in plants; a common chain links
together all organic nature.”

* * *

THE WINGLESS BIRD

Perhaps the very strangest and most weird of all living birds is the _apteryx_, or Kiwi-kiwi. This bird has scarcely the slightest trace of wings, a peculiarity which has gained for it the name of Apteryx, or “wingless.” The common cognomen “Kiwi-kiwi” is adapted from its peculiar repetitious call.

This singular bird is a native of New Zealand, where it was once very common, but is slowly becoming extinct, a fate from which it has been hitherto preserved by its nocturnal and retiring habits. The bird lives mostly among the ferns and always remains concealed during the day. It is remarkably fleet of foot, diving among the leaves with singular adroitness. It feeds upon insects of various kinds, particularly worms which it attracts to the surface by striking on the ground with its powerful feet.