Chapter IV: Part 4

The kiwi-kiwi is a little larger than an ordinary domestic fowl.

* * *

THERE ARE MORE THAN 4,000 DIFFERENT WAYS OF SPELLING THE NAME SHAKESPEARE

Most of the literary people who believe that Bacon is Shakespeare--and they are many--also maintain that the Stratfordian was so uneducated that he could not write so much as his own name!

There are only five pieces of writing in the world that may be supposed to have been written by Shakespeare’s pen, and if these be authentic then it is certain that the famous bard has spelled his own name in several different ways. In his own Will, he has written it “I William Shackspeare.” Another time he writes it “Shakspeare.” And again “Wilm Shaxpr.”

Evidently there is no authentic way of spelling the name so I append a few of the 4,000 different ways.

SHAKESPEARE SHAXPUR SHAKESPEYRE
SHAKSPARE SHAXKSPERE SHAXSPERE
SCHAKESPERE SHAKSPEYR SAXSPEAR
SCHAKSPEARE SHAXPEARE SCHACKSPERE
SHAKESPEAR SAXPERE SAXPEARE
CHACSPER SHAKESPER SCHAKESPEIRE
SHAXPERE SHACKSPER SCHAKSPERE
SHACKSPEARE SHAXSPEARE SHAKSPER
SHAXKSPERE SHACKESPUR SCHACKSPUR
SHAXPUR SHAXXPEARE SHAXEPER
SHAXSPER SHACKESPEIR SHAXPER
SHAKESPERE SCHAXESPER SAXSPERE
SHAXKESPERE SCHAXSPEIR SHACKSPUR
SHAGSPERE SCHAXESPEARE CHACSPEAR
SHAXSPERE SAXESPEYRE SHAKESPAIRE
SHACKSPIRE CHACKESPEARE SHAXPEYRE
SHAKEYSPEERE SAXPEARE SHAKSPEARE
SHAKESPEYRE SHAXESPUR SHAKESPEIRE
SHAKESPEARE SHAKSPERE SCHAXESPEAR
SHAKSPEYR SHAKESPEER SCHAXSPEARE
SHACSPERE SHAXPERE SHACHESPEAR
SHAKYSPER SHAKESPEYR SAXSPEARE
SHACESPEARE SHACKSPERE SHAXESPEIRE
SHAXESPUR SHACKESPEYRE SCHAXPEIRE
SHAXKESPEYR SHAKISPERE Etc.

_The full list can be found in “A Plea for Reformed Spelling,” by
Alexander John Ellis._

A FRENCH BIPLANE
FLIES WITHOUT A PILOT
IT TAKES OFF AND
LANDS UNDER
WIRELESS CONTROL

NATURE’S MARKSMAN--THE
BEAKED CHÆTODON FISH--of India
USES ITS ELONGATED MUZZLE AS A GUN TO SHOOT INSECTS--USING
DROPS OF WATER AS BULLETS!
[signature]

2¹¹⁷ - 1
170,141,183,460,469,229,731,687,303,715,884,105,727--IS
THE LARGEST NUMBER THAT CANNOT BE DIVIDED BY ANY OTHER
Discovered by LUCAS IN 1877.

MRS. MATHILDE KOVACS
BURNED UP 500,000,000 KRONEN
TO SPITE HER HEIRS--on the day before her death. 1917.

MISS
JOYCE
WETHERED
MADE 2 BIRDIES
ON ONE HOLE
(HER DRIVE HIT A
SWALLOW--AND SHE
GOT A 4.)]

* * *

NATURE’S MARKSMAN

The Beaked Chaetodon, the fish of heavenly hues that goes hunting with a gun, is found in the mouths of rivers emptying into the East Indian and Polynesian Seas.

The curiously elongated muzzle is used by this fish as a gun with which it shoots drops of water. If it sees a fly or another insect resting on a twig or grass-blade overhanging the water, the Chaetodon approaches very quietly, the greater part of its body submerged, and its long nose just showing above the surface with its point aimed at the victim. Suddenly, it shoots a drop of water at the unsuspecting insect with such accuracy that it is knocked off its perch into the water where it is instantly snapped up.

This habit it continues even in captivity, and is in consequence in great estimation as a household pet in Japan. The Japanese keep the fish in a large bowl of water, and amuse themselves by holding towards it a fly upon the end of a slender rod and watching the finny marksman shoot its prey into the water.

* * *

GOLF BIRDIES

Scoring birdies at golf is a worthy achievement anytime, but to get two birdies on one hole is indeed a rarity.

Miss Joyce Wethered, who is probably the greatest woman golfer the game has yet produced, accomplished this feat in a practice game last year (1927). Her drive struck a swallow that flew over the fairway, but despite this accident, Miss Wethered was successful in breaking par for the hole.

Miss Wethered held the women’s golf championship at the same time that her brother, Roger Wethered, held the British amateur championship.

* * *

BURNING ANGER

Because her relatives were discourteous to her pet cats, Mrs. Mathilde Kovacs revenged herself by burning up her fortune just before her death. This bit of spite work was reported extensively in the Vienna newspapers during March, 1917.

* * *

FIGURES DON’T LIE

Numbers have a magic lure and there is no end to the marvels that can be performed by one who is proficient. Figures may never lie but they can make you think that they do. The potency of numbers is alarming. The enormous totals reached by geometrical progressions and ordinary transpositions is almost beyond comprehension.

THE
MAGIC BLOCKS

ALL THE PEOPLE
ON EARTH--WORKING
DAY AND NIGHT--FOR
A MILLION YEARS
COULD NOT
ARRANGE 5 LETTER-BLOCKS
INTO ALL POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS]

Five letter-blocks contain a total of 30 letters. There are 620, 448, 401, 735, 259, 439, 369, 000 different transpositions possible with 30 letters. At the rate of one transposition a second, it would take one man 1, 967, 428, 975, 879, 120 years to arrange the blocks into all the possible combinations.

If all the 1,800,000,000 people on earth helped him it would still require 1,093,016 years to do it.

* * *

An old story that will give you an idea of the startling fecundity of figures is that one about the boy who innocently offered to go to work for one cent the first day if his employer would double his salary each day for a month. The employer innocently agreed, and dropped dead when he learned that on the last day of the month the salary of his office boy would amount to $5,368,709.12 for that day alone, and a total of $10,737,418.23 for the month.

* * *

1 × 91 = 091
2 × 91 = 182
3 × 91 = 273
4 × 91 = 364
5 × 91 = 455
6 × 91 = 546
7 × 91 = 637
8 × 91 = 728
9 × 91 = 819

* * *

3 × 37 = 111
6 × 37 = 222
9 × 37 = 333
12 × 37 = 444
15 × 37 = 555
18 × 37 = 666
21 × 37 = 777
24 × 37 = 888
27 × 37 = 999

* * *

33 × 3367 = 111111
66 × 3367 = 222222
99 × 3367 = 333333
132 × 3367 = 444444
165 × 3367 = 555555
198 × 3367 = 666666
231 × 3367 = 777777
264 × 3367 = 888888
297 × 3367 = 999999

* * *

CAN YOU WRITE THE ANSWER?

9^(9⁹) = ?

The above figure expresses 9 raised to the 9th power of 9, or 9 raised to the 387,420,489th power. It is the largest sum that can be indicated by 3 figures.

The final answer will contain 369 millions of digits. Allowing for 5 digits to the inch, the length of tape required to write down the answer would be 1,164 miles, and the ordinary human span of life would be sadly insufficient to accomplish the task.

_Ref.: “Mathematische Mussestunden,” by Dr. Herman Schubert._

* * *

MAGIC SEVEN

Seven is the holy number. There are 7 days in creation, 7 days in the week, 7 phases of the moon, every 7th year was sabbatical, and 7 times 7 years was the jubilee. There are 7 ages in the life of man, 7 divisions in the Lord’s Prayer, 7 bibles, 7 churches of Asia, 7 Graces, 7 Deadly Sins, 7 Senses, 7 Sorrows of the Virgin, 7 Virtues, 7 Joys of the Virgin, 7 Precious Things of the Buddhas, 7 Sleepers of Ephesus, 7 Lamps of Architecture. The apostles chose 7 deacons, Enoch, who was translated, was 7th from Adam; Jesus Christ was the 77th in a direct line. Our Lord spoke 7 times on the cross, on which He was 7 hours; He appeared 7 times; and after 7 times 7 days He sent the Holy Ghost. There appeared 7 golden candlesticks and 7 stars in the hand of Him that was in the midst; 7 lambs before the 7 spirits of God; the book with the 7 seals; the lamb with 7 horns and 7 eyes; 7 angels bearing 7 plagues, and 7 vials of wrath. The vision of Daniel was 70 weeks; and the elders of Israel were 70. There were also 7 heavens, 7 planets, 7 stars, 7 wise men, 7 champions of Christendom, 7 notes in music, 7 primary colors, 7 sacraments of the Catholic Church, and 7 wonders of the world. The 7th son was considered endowed with pre-eminent wisdom; and the 7th son of a 7th son is still thought to possess the power of healing diseases spontaneously.

And the opposite sides of the dice total 7.

* * *

CAN YOU CHANGE FIVE DOLLARS!

“Certainly!” you will say.

But you can’t do it!

If you changed a five-dollar bill into all the different ways possible--cents, nickels, dimes, quarters, halves, and dollars--it would require exactly 2, 305, 843, 009, 213, 693, 951 different changes; and if you made a change each second--day and night--it would take you 103 years to do it!

* * *

142857

The mystic number. All the figures appear in the sum when multiplied as follows:

142857 × 2 = 285714
142857 × 3 = 428571
142857 × 4 = 571428
142857 × 5 = 714285
142857 × 6 = 857142
and then
142857 × 7 = 999999

* * *

PALINDROMATIC FIGURES

11² = 121
111² = 12321
1111² = 1234321
11111² = 123454321
Etc.

* * *

The following legend is told in connection with the invention of the game of chess. An East Indian Potentate was so pleased with the game that he promised the inventor, a slave, the fulfillment of any wish. The slave asked for the number of grains of wheat which would result, if one grain were placed on the first square of the chess-board, two on the second, four on the third, etc., i.e., each time twice as many as on the last. At first glance, this wish seemed to be a modest one, but calculations showed that it would be impossible for the king to keep his promise, even if he owned the whole earth and spent his entire life growing wheat on it. The result is: 18 quintillions, 446 quadrillions, 744 trillions, 73 billions, 709 millions, 551,615 grains.

* * *

THE 100 SYMBOLS

All the books ever written in all the libraries of the world containing all the wit, wisdom, poetry, fiction, history and scientific knowledge ever offered to humanity--or ever apt to be offered in the future--are expressed in letters.

It is all done with about 100 symbols. By symbols I mean the ordinary letters of the alphabet--both cases, figures, interpunctions, and mathematical signs. The number of symbols is limited, and of course the number of possible transpositions of these 100 symbols is limited.

Since the number of transpositions of 100 symbols is limited the printed word must be limited and therefore all literature imaginable must be rendered in a limited number of volumes.

Assume that it is possible to write exhaustively about a subject in a volume of the size of “Believe It or Not.” Assume that 1,000,000 transpositions of symbols are used in printing this book. By combining to the limits of possibility the 100 symbols in lots of 1,000,000 we can determine the number of volumes ever written or ever likely to be written in the future.

With 1,000,000 symbols to a volume, you will have as many volumes as will equal the original number of symbols 100 raised to the 1,000,000th power. The answer will contain a figure with 2,000,000 noughts after it, and would require a strip of paper 2 miles long to write it out in type the size of this. If the books were each one inch thick and placed side by side the number of inches would equal the number of books--in other words this shelf of books would be as many inches long as indicated by a figure of 2,000,0001 digits. Reduced to miles, it would be as many miles long as a figure of 1,999,996 digits.

Suppose you want a book at the opposite end of this book shelf, you would have to travel as fast as light if you ever got there in any comprehensible length of time. If you traveled as fast as light--180,000 miles a second--you would travel 6 quadrillion miles in a year, and to reach the book at the end of the line will take as many years as the figure 6,000,000,000,000,000 is contained in the figure of the distance--or as many years as are to be expressed in a figure written with 1,999,980 noughts. It is beyond human conception.

And the book would probably be gone when you got there.

_Raimundus Lullus, Giordano Bruno, Kurt Lasswitz, Leibnitz, and
others devoted lifetimes to these calculations._

* * *

1 × 9 + 2 = 11
12 × 9 + 3 = 111
123 × 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 × 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 × 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 × 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 × 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 × 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 × 9 + 10 = 1111111111
1 × 8 + 1 = 9
12 × 8 + 2 = 98
123 × 8 + 3 = 987
1234 × 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 × 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 × 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 × 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 × 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 × 8 + 9 = 987654321
65359477124183 × 17 × 1 = 1111111111111111
65359477124183 × 17 × 2 = 2222222222222222
65359477124183 × 17 × 3 = 3333333333333333
65359477124183 × 17 × 4 = 4444444444444444
65359477124183 × 17 × 5 = 5555555555555555
Etc.

* * *

THE PERSISTENT NUMBER

526,315,789,473,684,210

You may multiply the above figure with any number you choose and the original figures will always reappear in the result.

* * *

THE LARGEST PRIME KNOWN

170,141,183,460,469,231,731,687,303,715,864,105,727

This figure is the largest known number that cannot be divided by any other. It was discovered by Arthur Lucas in 1877. It is 2¹²⁷ - 1.

* * *

MAGIC SQUARES

These numbers--as per number of squares in the diagrams--are so placed that all columns add the same, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.

15

+------+------+------+
| | | |
| 6 | 1 | 8 |
| | | |
+------+------+------+
| | | |
| 7 | 5 | 3 |
| | | |
+------+------+------+
| | | |
| 2 | 9 | 4 |
| | | |
+------+------+------+

34

+------+------+------+------+
| | | | |
| 1 | 14 | 15 | 4 |
| | | | |
+------+------+------+------+
| | | | |
| 8 | 11 | 10 | 5 |
| | | | |
+------+------+------+------+
| | | | |
| 12 | 7 | 6 | 9 |
| | | | |
+------+------+------+------+
| | | | |
| 13 | 2 | 3 | 16 |
| | | | |
+------+------+------+------+

* * *

“PI”

The letter π (pi) indicates the incommensurable relationship between the diameter of any circle and its circumference. The number is usually given as 3.14159+. Here is the value worked out to 707 decimal places. The figures are not to be found in many places and they may be desired as a curiosity by some amateur mathematicians:

3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971
69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899
86280 34825 34211 70679 82148 08651 32823 06647
09384 46095 50582 23172 53594 08128 48111 74502
84102 70193 85211 05559 64462 29489 54930 38196
44288 10675 66593 34461 28475 64823 27867 83165
27120 19091 45648 56692 34603 48610 49432 66482
13393 60226 02491 41273 72458 70066 06315 58817
48815 20920 96282 92540 91715 36436 78925 90360
01133 05354 88204 66521 38414 69519 41511 60943
30572 70365 75959 19530 92186 11738 19326 11793
10511 85480 74462 38798 34749 56735 18857 52724
89122 79381 83011 94912 98336 73362 44193 66430
86021 39501 60924 48077 23094 36285 53096 62027
55693 97986 95022 24749 96206 07497 03041 23669
86199 51100 89202 38377 02131 41694 11902 98858
25446 81639 79990 46597 00081 70029 63123 77381
34208 41307 91451 18398 05709 85+.

* * *

ONE PROBLEM NEVER PROVED

Mathematicians have been able to prove most of the problems submitted to them, but there is one for which no mathematical proof has even been devised, and that is why a mapmaker need use but four colors to print his maps. The fact has been known for centuries, but no one has ever determined a method by which it could be proved. If you try drawing you will soon find that it is impossible to draw any figure of five districts each of which touches the other four, the only circumstance under which more than four colors would be necessary to mark the divisions.

* * *

KASPAR HAUSER COULD SEE THE STARS IN THE DAY TIME

Kaspar Hauser, the mystery child of Europe who has been written about so often by authors of the past and present, could see the stars shining at noon without mechanical aid. The stars never really disappear you know, and the eyes of this famous boy were abnormal.

Kaspar Hauser was said to be the Heir to the throne of the Grandduchy of Baden. He was abducted in infancy and placed in solitary confinement in a dark room for 18 years. He first saw the light of day when he wandered from his cell and apparently appeared from nowhere in Anspach, Bavaria. Although he was nearly a grown man, his mental development was that of a two-year-old child. The mystery surrounding him, and his curious behavior, aroused a great deal of interest at the time ... and since.

* * *

BABE RUTH HIT 125 HOME RUNS IN ONE HOUR

Ruth, greatest of all baseball players, performed this prodigious clouting feat in an exhibition game on Wrigley Field, Los Angeles, February, 1927. Babe, who always aims to please, stood at the plate for an hour while several pitchers tossed balls at him which he walloped over the fence--125 in all.

* * *

THE HANDY LETTER WRITER

Herr Kurtz received an anonymous letter daily for twenty years! He is the owner of one of the Government tobacconist’s stores of Vienna in the 2nd ward, and after a few years of receiving the letter he tried to induce the Minister of Post and Telegraphs of Austria to refrain from delivering his mail altogether but his efforts were unsuccessful. The letters arrived daily from 1901 to 1921 and then ceased suddenly as though the tireless sender had died at last.

Curiously enough the contents of the letter were entirely innocent.

_Ref.: “Neue Freie Presse” of Feb. 1921._

* * *

THE BOOK WORM

Gustave Lebair, who, for 60 years read the same book daily at the Bibliothèque Nationale, was a famous bibliomaniac and well known to frequenters of the Bibliothèque Nationale of Paris. The particular book he read, “St. Appolonius of Tiane,” was in some way connected with an event in his youth.

The book “_Bibliomania_” by Hertzen, where I found the statement about Lebair, goes to some lengths to explain his persistence on psychological grounds. Bibliomaniacs are book lovers whose passion manifests itself in some strange way.

* * *

A BEAVER’S DAM

François I, King of France, issued a decree making the wearing of whiskers punishable by death.

“Qu’ils aient dedans 3 jours a faire ou oster leur dite Barbe sous
peine de la hart.”

_Receuils des Ordinances Folio 48 Paris, 1557._

* * *

“THE PLACE OF DRUNKENNESS”

The Indian word for New York is Manhattan, or Manna-ha-ta, and means “The Place of Drunkenness.” This name is traceable to the year 1524 when Giovanni Verrazzano, the Florentine explorer, landed for the first time at what is now the lower extremity of New York City and gave the Indians their first taste of firewater. A good time was had by all, and ever after the natives referred to the island as “Manna-ha-ta” or “place of drunkenness.”

_Ref.: Rev. John Gottlieb E. Heckewelder’s “History of Early
Manhattan.”_

* * *

THE IDEAL LANDLORD

Frau C. Worth, owner of a large apartment house in Berlin, did not collect any rents from her tenants for twenty years.

* * *

A WEEK WITH TWO THURSDAYS

On an occasion in 1147, Pope Eugene III reached Paris on a Friday. Inasmuch as Friday was a fast day, and to enable the populace properly to celebrate his entry into the city, the Pope decreed that Friday was Thursday!

Hence a week with two Thursdays.

* * *

ENDURING FAME

“Chauffeurs” were a famous band of brigands in France in 1793. They were so called because they tortured their victims by burning their feet.

* * *

The following is a news item from the Barstow (Cal.) _Times_. It reads:

“Bill Jarrett has just returned to Barstow from the Death Valley
country. Bill worked for six weeks on the graveyard shift for the
Corpse Mining Company in the Coffin mine, located in Dead Man’s
Canyon in Funeral Range at the end of Death Valley. Bill is leaving
next week for a prospecting trip to the Devil’s Playground in Hell’s
Half Acre.”

* * *

THE BOBBING ISLAND

In Lake Ilfungen, in Livonia, is a small island that does a disappearing act once each year. Toward the end of October, or early in November, the island sinks beneath the surface of the lake.

In the spring the island reappears and remains all summer, so that farmers raise and cut hay on it.

* * *

SIDIS--THE
PRODIGY
COULD RECITE
THE ALPHABET
AT THE AGE OF
6 MONTHS

THE FIG-TREE TOMB
BEN WANGFORD--AN ENGLISH NAVAL OFFICER (1800)
WAS BURIED WITH A FIG IN HIS HAND (--his dying wish)
AND THE TREE HAS BURST THE TOMB!

PARISH CHURCH, WATFORD, ENG.

W. C. PERRY
of Belleville, Kan.
MADE A HOLE-IN-ONE
ON A BLIND
HOLE

June
1928

THE PEG-LEGGED COW

[signature]]

* * *

THE FIG-TREE TOMB

This celebrated curiosity can be seen in a little churchyard a few miles outside of London. It is located close beside the Parish Church (St. Mary) in Watford, an ancient shrine of faith where “Prayer and Praise have been offered to God for seven hundred years.”

The Rev. Henry Edwards, Vicar, sent me the following information about the man who was buried with a fig in his hand. The Vicar concluded with a prayer.

“The Fig-Tree Tomb, near the S. wall of the Parish Church of Watford,
is the source of many old tales, the most authentic being that of Ben
Wangford, a naval officer, who did not believe in the future life,
and wished when buried to have something placed with his remains that
might germinate and burst the tomb, in order that, if it did, his
friends would know that his opinion was wrong.”

* * *

SIDIS--THE PRODIGY

Sidis was one of the four noted American prodigies; Winifred Stoner II, Edward Harvey, Jr., and John Trumbull, the poet, were the other three.

Dr. Boris Sidis, professor at Harvard, was his father.

At the age of six months Sidis could recite the alphabet; at two he could read and write; and at the age of eleven he matriculated in Harvard and astounded his professors by discussing the fourth dimension.

* * *

THE ILLITERATE CALCULATOR

Jedediah Buxton, the illiterate calculator, in a month’s time, without the aid of paper or pencil, figured out that a cubical mile could contain 586,040,972,673,024,000 human hairs. It took him three months to multiply an English farthing 140 times with itself, arriving at the figure of 725, 958, 238, 096, 074, 907, 868, 531, 656, 993, 638, 851, 106 Pounds, 2 Shillings, 8 pence.

He was then asked to multiply this stupendous sum by itself and after two and one-half months announced the result to be 527, 015, 363, 459, 557, 385, 673, 733, 542, 638, 591, 721, 213, 298, 966, 079, 307, 524, 904, 381, 389, 499, 251, 637, 423, 236 pounds.

* * *

THE GIRAFFE GIRL

“_--On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin’-fishes play,
An’ the dawn comes up like thunder
outer China ’crost the Bay!_”

If you follow the above road to Toungoo and then ascend the hills to the west you will come to the land of the Giraffe women, the long-necked Burmese belles of Padaung. The Kewawngdu, as they call themselves, are remarkable for the extraordinary collars of brass that they weld around their necks from time to time until a giraffe-like effect is obtained.

In Burma “Her throat is like the swan” is not a mere poetic figure of speech in so far as length is concerned. Some of the women brought down to Mandalay to be gazed at by the Great King of Righteousness and the Dwellers in the Palace, have necks fourteen and fifteen inches long.

The neckband consists of brass rods, as thick as your little finger, commencing with a wide base on the shoulder blades and reaching up to the chin. Little girls begin wearing them as early as possible usually starting with five rings, which are as much as most of them can manage, but as the neck is kept constantly on the stretch, additional ones are added from time to time until the ordinary limit of twenty-one coils is reached. Twenty-five and more have been worn, however.

At the back of the neck, fastened through the main coil, is a large heavy ring which is used for tying up these rubber-necked ladies whenever the occasion demands such procedure.

If the family be well-to-do, similar coils of brass are added to the arms and legs; and the length of these seems only limited by the ability to pay for the rings--for brass is very expensive. Sometimes the total weight of brass carried by Padaung flappers is as much as sixty or seventy pounds: yet burdened with this weight, they hoe the fields, carry water for domestic use, and brew liquor.

The brass-collar fashion has no apparent effect on their health, and the only noticeable effect is that the women speak as if someone had them tight around the neck.

* * *

GOD’S HEAVEN

Of course you expect to go to Heaven when you die. We all do. The hope is in all of us, that when we die, we will go to Heaven and rejoin the other members of our family who have passed on.

Take my advice: make a reservation. Heaven is becoming very crowded and it is extremely doubtful whether you can get in; and should you manage to squeeze yourself past the pearly gates it is even more doubtful whether you could find your family among all that crowd.

We will say that you go to Heaven to meet your father and mother and the rest of your kith and kin. When you meet your father and mother, they will be with their father and mother, for they would have the same desire to be with their parents as you have to be with them. And their parents in turn would be with their parents; so on back through the countless generations of mankind.

So you will have to meet them all. You cannot be snooty in Heaven, you know, and snub anybody.

Now, if we take 25 years as a generation, we find that there have been 77 generations since the time of Christ. And if we count only your parents, their parents, and so on backward for that length of time, we find that you will have to meet 302,231,454,903,657,293,676,543 different relatives.

Our own little world would not hold that stupendous number.

If that many people were on earth today they would have to be stacked up on each others’ heads. Allowing them two feet to stand on this would make a stack of one solid mass of folks 113,236 miles high all over the earth’s surface.

Suppose you wanted to say “hello” to your dear old grandfather who happened to be located some 113,000 miles up the heap. Of course you would have to climb--there would be no other way except to scramble up this human bean-stalk like little Jack. Let us assume that you can climb one-half as fast as the U. S. Army marches--which is 15 miles a day. If you climbed at the rate of 8 miles a day you would reach your old grandpap about 39 years later--providing you didn’t get yourself knocked off meanwhile for stepping on somebody’s ear in the ascent. Of course you will be able to slide down faster and should reach your own place in Heaven about 50 years after you left it.

That is 2 generations--which means that maybe your children and some of your children’s children will have squeezed in and been looking around for you. You really couldn’t expect anybody to hold your place for you for 50 years, so do not be surprised if you are out all around and not able to find your own children anywhere ... which means that you will have a hell of a time in Heaven.

Mind you, the above figures do not include brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, cousins and other relatives. Also I am allowing only for 1928 years, although scientists tell us that man has been on earth for countless generations before that time--some estimate it as 100,000 years. And, since science has proved so conclusively that you are related to all animals with four legs or a long tail that have lived on this earth for the last 100,000,000 years, you will have to include them too. They are all your ancestors!

As a social proposition the celestial outlook appears a bit embarrassing, doesn’t it?

St. John records the limits of Heaven in Revelations, XXI., 16:

“... He measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs.
The length, and the breadth, and the height of it are equal.”

Twelve thousand furlongs is 7,920,000 feet, and when cubed this is equal to 496, 793, 088, 000, 000, 000, 000 cubic feet--in other words Heaven as visualized by St. John is about 15 miles long in each dimension. If you allow 10 cubic feet as ample space for a human being, you will find that Heaven can hold about 49, 679, 308, 800, 000, 000, 000 persons if packed in tight. This calculation does not allow for the streets of gold or the trees of marvelous leaves and fruits, or the “pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.”

It is apparent that Heaven was filled up several hundred years ago--or about the time that Columbus was discovering America.

What to do?

Obviously there is but one way out. You must die sometime, and since it is so evident that you cannot go to Heaven, where shall you go----?

You said it.

THE VOCAL MEMNON

THE STATUE THAT SPEAKS

A mile from the Nile on the opposite shore from the ruins of Karnak two huge stone figures sit in staring isolation. Each represents a colossal king 64 feet high, seated upon a throne, which is itself supported by a pedestal. Though the faces of both have been hacked out of all human resemblance, everyone knows that these statues are the effigies of the same King--Amunoph, or Amenhotep, whose son’s daughter married King Tut.

One of the colossi is mute, but the other is the famous Vocal Memnon, the statue that speaks!

That is--it did speak. There are 87 legible Greek and Latin inscriptions upon the legs of Memnon which testify to the time and hour of the day at which the phenomenon was heard. Famous men of many ages listened. There are the words of Emperor Hadrian, Sabina, his wife, Tacitus, Pliny, Pausanias, Lucian, and Strabo describing the miraculous musical sound emanating from the stone ... “like the snapping of a huge harp string” ... “like the sound of smitten brass.” Some heard the voice of the image several times. According to the inscriptions February and March seemed to be by far the most propitious months, and the morning hour the most favored vocally--as soon indeed as the sun’s rays fell upon the statue--as though “Aurora kissing her son upon the lips received an articulate reply.”

The explanation?

Two alone of the many hypotheses put forward are worth considering. A multitude of wild conjectures, based principally on imagination, but claiming pseudo-scientific or mechanical interest, crumble away when touched by the merciless finger of fact. There, remain the rival theories that the voice of Memnon was a fraud practised by the ancient Egyptian priests; and the other that it was a natural phenomenon to be explained by physical causes. The latter theory has the most credence--the conclusion irresistibly suggests itself that the sound was due to some peculiar relation between the warmth of the rising sun and the great block of cracked and sundered stone.

It has been a long time since our hero has spoken, and it seems that

Memnon’s lyre has lost the chord
That breathed the mystic tone.

Certainly they do not recognize the cartoonist’s profession. I was stared at in stony silence on the occasion that I stood before the Vocal Memnon and his mute companion and waited patiently for a word from them. It was near dusk, and the glowing sun was sinking suddenly down behind the hills that enclose the Valley of the Tombs of the Kings as it caused the images to darken hugely and throw out long-streaking shadows that emphasized the size of them and made their silence louder than words.

THE KING WHO WAS CROWNED BEFORE HE WAS BORN

Apparently such a thing could never happen.

But it did.

In Persia, during the 4th century, the wife of Shah Hormouz remained pregnant at the time of her husband’s death, and the uncertainty of the sex of the unborn child, as well as the event, excited the ambitious hopes of the princes of the house of Sassan who were moved to seize the throne.

The apprehensions of civil war were at length removed by the positive assurances of the Magi that the widow of Hormouz had conceived and would safely produce a son. Obedient to the voice of superstition, the Persians prepared, without delay, the ceremony of his coronation. A royal bed on which the Queen lay in state was exhibited in the midst of the palace in the presence of the assembled multitude, and the crown of the Sassanids was placed on the spot which might be supposed to conceal the future heir. Meanwhile the prostrated assembly adored the invisible and insensible sovereign.

The magi proved to be correct in their prophecies, and the crowned child was a boy who lived to rule an extraordinary length of time under the name of Sapor II.

_Ref.: Gibbon’s “Decline and Fall.”_

* * *

Chou Kung, who invented the compass, had a swivel wrist on which he could turn his hand completely around.

* * *

Lollia Paulina, wife of Caesar Caligula, wore a dress valued at $2,000,000 and a pearl necklace worth $3,500,000.

_Ref.: Pliny the Elder._

* * *

A small toy balloon was released in New Jersey by A. Perry and was found later in Venezuela by J. Quintero of Maracaibo.

* * *

Leon Avazian, of New York, climbed the stairs to the top of the Woolworth Building in 9 minutes. 55 stories. 1520 steps.

* * *

THE 153-YEAR-OLD BRIDEGROOM

Zaro Agha is never too old to yearn.

The stalwart old Turk, who is probably the oldest person alive, was married in 1927 despite his 153 years. During his long and eventful life, Agha has buried ten wives and twenty-seven children, but he was not discouraged and his spirit is ever young--and the mystery of a woman’s veil allured him.

Zaro possesses a keen memory which enables him to tell tales of events that reach back to our Revolutionary War days. He makes an annual visit to President Kemal who always gives him a hearty handshake and several hundred liras. The Governor of the city of Constantinople has presented him with a house, and last year the Prefect made him Municipal Doorkeeper for life.

* * *

THE EYELESS INFANT

This child is now four years old and normal in every way except for the complete absence of eyes. He was born with his frontal bone joining to the cheek bones which eliminated even the eye sockets which are but slightly indicated by two small depressions.

The boy was born in Sablonceaux (Charente Inférieure), France, and has six brothers and sisters who are all normal.

_Ref.: Gazette Médicale de Paris._

* * *

Robert Jones who performs this remarkable feat of strength and balance is worthy of a place among the famous Joneses of athletic history. Young Robert is a pupil of the celebrated Paulinetti, and is an accomplished acrobat and gymnast.

He stands on his thumbs on Indian clubs with ease--and he is ready to do it anytime.

Jones lives in Philadelphia where he is attached to the editorial staff of the _Strength Magazine_.

* * *

THE LYRE BIRD

This beautiful bird is obviously so-called from the shape of its tail. The extraordinary tail of this bird is often upwards of two feet in length, and consists of sixteen feathers, formed and arranged in a very graceful and curious manner. The two outer feathers are broadly webbed, and, as may be seen, in the illustration, are curved in a manner that produces the appearance of an ancient lyre. The two central tail-feathers are narrowly webbed, and all the others are modified with long slender shafts, bearded with alternate feathery filaments which well represent the strings of the lyre.

The tail is seen in its greatest beauty between the months of June and September after which time it is shed. The bird is a native of New South Wales.

* * *

ROBERT
JONES
--of Pine Bluff, Ark.
CAN STAND ON
HIS THUMBS
ON INDIAN CLUBS

THE
EYELESS
INFANT
--of SABLONCEAUX
(Charente-Inferieure, France)
WAS BORN
WITHOUT ANY
EYES WHATEVER.
1925

PHIL HANNA
--of Epworth, Ill.
HAS HANGED
55 CRIMINALS

THE
LYRE
BIRD]

* * *

SINGING SANDS

One warm afternoon in Honolulu--it seems to be always afternoon there--I was stretched full-length on the sands of Waikiki doing nothing--as is my wont--except watching the two Kahanomoku boys and Kealoha do tricks on their surf boards when the Duke casually suggested “Why don’t you draw a picture of the Barking Sands?”

What?

“Sure,” continued the Duke, “the sands of Kauai over yonder actually bark when you step on them.”

Sands that bark, eh? I had to see the doggone place. Kauai is one of the western islands of the Hawaiian group about 75 miles from Honolulu. Along the shore at Nahili is this series of wind-blown sand-hills about 60 feet high and stretching along for about a half mile. The front wall is quite steep. The bright white sand is composed of coral, shells and particles of lava, and true enough it possessed the particular property of emitting a sound, when stepped on, like the barking of a dog. Two handsful when clapped together produce the same phenomenon. The sound varies with the degree of heat, the dryness of the sand, and the amount of friction employed. The drier the sand the louder the sound--and our running foot steps sounded like rolling thunder.

Since then I have learned that this strange caper of nature is known in other parts of the world under different names such as Singing Sands, Sounding Sands, Rumbling Sands, Musical Sands, etc.

Marco Polo wrote of the musical sand-hills of Tunyang in Central Asia. Ibn Batutah, the Moor of Tangier, speaks of the Hill of Drums near Mecca. The famous Friar Odoric tells of the Reg-i-Ruwan, or Moving Sands of Kabul, and Lord Curzon writes of many of them in his “Tales of Travel.”

The exact cause of this sonorous quality in sand has not been fully agreed upon. The scientific explanation is rather difficult. The American researchers, Doctors Bolton and Julien arrived at the following conclusion:

“The true cause of the sonorous property is connected with thin
pellicles or films of air or of gases thence derived, deposited,
and condensed upon the surface of the sand-grains during gradual
evaporation, after wetting by the sea, lakes or rains. By virtue of
these films the sand-grains become separated by elastic cushions of
condensed gases, capable of considerable vibration. The extent of
the vibration and the amount and tone of the sound thereby produced
after quick disturbance of the sand, is largely dependent upon the
forms, structures, and surfaces of the sand-grains, and especially
upon their purity or freedom from fine silt or dust.”

OYSTERS THAT CATCH MICE

Irish oysters of course! Probably bi-valves of any other nationality would not be so pugnacious.

Be that as it may; there has been a battle royal going on this year on the northeast coast islands off Donegal. Thus far the limpets have had far the better of it and thousands of rats have fallen in the unequal struggle.

The armies of rats which infest this district have been adventuring to the waterside in quest of food. At low tide the rats insert their noses between the partly opened shells of the oysters, hoping to make a meal off the edible shell-fish, but the latter are exceedingly sensitive to the slightest touch and instantly close on their enemies with a vise-like grip. The rats are held tight as in traps, and soon the rising tide creeps in and crowns the oysters victors.

* * *

Here is a letter from Mr. Henry C. Avery, of Fishers Island, New York.

“Dear Rip:

Yesterday at low tide my family and I were witnesses to a tragedy of
unusual nature. A pair of kingfishers had been our friends for weeks,
making our dock their headquarters, and flying around us without fear.

My daughter and I were digging clams in about an inch of water, when
one of the kingfishers darted down within a few feet of us and struck
at something in the water. He struggled with it as a robin often does
with a worm. The struggle lasted not more than half a minute as we
walked toward the bird. As I drew near the bird was still. I tried
to lift it from the water but it held fast. I then dug deep into the
mud and brought up a large clam of the hard-shell variety which had
clamped firmly to the bird’s bill. The bird was dead, either drowned
or died of fright.

Believe It or Not,
Henry C. Avery.
Aug. 7, 1925.”

* * *

A Billion Dollars in London is Worth a Thousand Times As Much As a Billion Dollars in New York

Strange as it may seem, an English billionaire is many times richer than an American billionaire.

And why not?

A billion in England is a million million (1,000,000,000,000), but in the United States a billion is considered to be a thousand million (1,000,000,000). See any dictionary.

* * *

A SPIDER IS NOT AN INSECT

Are you surprised?

So was I until I discovered that a Spider is an Arachnide. The Arachnida family consists of Spiders, Scorpions, and Mites. These beings breathe atmospheric air, have no antennae, and have four pairs of legs attached to the fore parts of the body. The fact that they have more than the normal number of six legs is alone sufficient to separate them from insects.

* * *

ST. PATRICK WAS NOT AN IRISHMAN

The patron Saint of the emerald isle was a born Frenchman, having first seen the light of day in Tours, France. His real name was Succat. His father’s name was Calpurnius, and his mother was a sister of St. Martin, the Bishop of Tours.

* * *

BUFFALO BILL NEVER SHOT A BUFFALO IN HIS LIFE

It is not my intent to cast aspersions on the famous name of Bill Cody, but it is nevertheless a fact that the valiant old warrior never shot a single buffalo in his long career along the frontiers.

Buffalo Bill was not to blame. He earned his name--but not the name of “Buffalo” Bill, because the only true buffaloes are found in the old world, principally in Africa and India.

The American animal is the bison and is distinctly indigenous to North America.

The bison differs greatly from the buffalo, both in appearance and habits. The buffalo resembles an ox more than a bison, and has short hair besides being very fond of the water.

* * *

SEX APPEAL

Lady Gough, distinguished blue-nose of England, wrote a book on _Etiquette_ in 1863; and on page 80 I find this paragraph:

“The perfect hostess will see to it that the works of male and female
authors be properly separated on her bookshelves. Their proximity
unless they happen to be married should not be tolerated.”

* * *

“THE QUEEN OF SPAIN HAS NO LEGS”

When Margaret of Austria, Queen of Philip III, entered Spain in 1599 she passed through a town celebrated for the manufacture of silk stockings; and the authorities, wishing to show her courtesy, presented her with a costly pair. The offer was indignantly refused and the delegates were sternly informed that the “Queen of Spain had no legs.”

Since that day of rigid etiquette it has been customary to say that, officially, “the Queen of Spain has no legs.”

* * *

A PHILADELPHIAN COMMITTED SUICIDE AND LEFT THE FOLLOWING NOTE:

I married a widow with a grown daughter. My father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her--thus becoming my son-in-law, and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father’s wife.

My wife gave birth to a son, who was, of course, my father’s brother-in-law, and also my uncle for he was the brother of my step-mother.

My father’s wife became the mother of a son, who was, of course, my brother, and also my grand-child for he was the son of my daughter. Accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother’s mother--I was my wife’s husband and grandchild at the same time--and, as the husband of a person’s grandmother is his grandfather--I AM MY OWN GRANDFATHER!

Mark Twain.

* * *

MRS. ELLIOTT LYNN--famous
flying woman
VISITED EVERY AERODROME IN ENGLAND
(75 IN ALL) IN 15 HOURS.
1927

RAMESES
(AS HE IS TODAY)
WAS WORTH
$10,000,000,000.
WHEN HE DIED

(He was 10 times richer than Ford)

[signature]
Drawn from death--Cairo, 1925

THE
CRAWLING FISH
(Anabas Scandens)
TRAVELS OVERLAND
THE DISTANCE OF A MILE
CEYLON

SQUIRE
OSBALDESTON
RODE
200 MILES
IN 8 hrs. 39 m.
Newmarket
Eng., 1834
(20 horses)]

* * *

RICHEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

Rameses II, who now serves as a peep-show in the Cairo Museum and as an ad for cigarettes, was once a “ten-billionaire.” Ford, Rockefeller, Croesus, and others, were only pikers when compared with the “sunset glory of the royal dynasties of Egypt.”

The most famous of the Pharaohs conquered all the kings from Nubia to Syria and exacted great tribute from them. He exploited the gold mines of Nubia for the benefit of his own purse during a period of 67 years. The entire known world of that time contributed to his great wealth and magnificence.

* * *

THE CRAWLING FISH

This crawling fish is a native of Asia, and is remarkable for its apparent disregard of certain natural laws. This singular creature has long been noted for its powers of voluntarily leaving the failing streams, ascending the banks, and proceeding over dry land toward some spot where its unerring instinct tells it that water is yet to be found. They sometimes cover a distance of a mile or more, and can live for a period of a week out of water.

On opening the head of the “Anabas Scandens” it will be found that the bones are much enlarged and modified into a series of labyrinthine cells and duplications, so that they retain a large amount of water in the interstices, and prevent the gill-membranes from becoming dry.

* * *

THE HARD RIDING SQUIRE

Squire Osbaldeston was the most famous sportsman in the world one hundred years ago. The sporting annals of his time are filled with the various events of horsemanship of the doughty old gent. He was of the hard-riding and hard-drinking school of country gentlemen, and when he died he left a legacy of riding records that has never been beaten to this day.

* * *

THE TRACER BULLET

Death will find a way.

One day early in February, 1928, A. V. Bonham, of Cotter, Arkansas, saw smoke.

He was startled to learn that it was his own house. It seems that Bonham’s little 12-year-old son had used kerosene to start a fire and an explosion followed which set the house in flames.

With the aid of neighbors, Bonham removed most of his household goods. But he overlooked his loaded revolver which reposed in a bureau drawer.

As Bonham stood sadly watching the hungry flames, the report of a pistol rang out. Mack Medley, a neighbor, felt something strike his cap and at the same instant Bonham cried out “I am shot,” and clutching his breast, he staggered a few steps and fell dead.

The heat had exploded Bonham’s own gun and the bullet had found its mark.

* * *

GERMAN INSECT POWER.

There was a plague of fleas in Münster, Germany in 1670. The High Court of Münster, upon complaint of the burghers, summoned the fleas to appear before it for disorderly conduct. As the fleas disobeyed the summons, they were found guilty, disfranchised and banished for 10 years. The language of the Court decree is very pompous and treats the culprits with withering anger.

* * *

“Dear Rip:

Believe it or not? Where do they charge more for a one way ticket
than for a round trip? Answer: San Pedro to Los Angeles, Cal., on
the Pacific Electric. Men in uniform get special rate of fifty cents
round trip and must pay fifty-two cents for a one way ticket.

Heinie Miller.”

* * *

A REMARKABLE RUNNER

Mensen Ernst, the Norwegian cross-country runner, was unquestionably the greatest long-distance foot racer that ever lived. The records set up by this tireless Scandinavian in Europe during the early part of the last century have never been equalled. The Indian or Arab has never lived that could keep in sight of him.

Note a few of his records.

Mensen Ernst ran from Paris to Moscow in two weeks. He ran over poor roads, in all kinds of weather, and swam 13 big rivers on the way, yet he averaged 125 miles a day!

He averaged 95 miles a day for 59 days in a race from Constantinople to Calcutta, and return. He swam rivers, crossed deserts, and endured dangers and suffered the blazing sun on his way across Anatolia, Persia, Afghanistan, and India--a distance of 5,625 miles.

_Ref: Life of Mensen Ernst. Pub. by Rieck, Norway._

W.J. BRASSARD
--of Momence, Ill.
HAS ONE BLUE EYE
AND ONE BROWN EYE

JOHN
RADCLIFFE
of GROVE, Pa.
REPORTED FOR WORK
EVERYDAY
INCLUDING SUNDAYS
FOR 26 YEARS

O.T. WERTZ, of Chappell, Neb.
CAUGHT THE SAME FISH TWICE!
HE HOOKED A PERCH WHICH BROKE THE LINE AND GOT FREE
6 HOURS LATER HE CAUGHT THE SAME FISH NEARLY A MILE AWAY
July 24, 1926

A BULL FROG
THAT CAUGHT AND ATE MICE
WAS KEPT FOR THAT PURPOSE
By J. WARD TOMLINSON
Shiloh, Pa., 1915]

* * *

CATCHING THE SAME FISH TWICE

This unusual happening in the gentle art of angling is explained in the affidavit of E. C. Wolf, of Big Springs, Neb., an eyewitness.

“World-Herald, April 17, 1928.
Omaha, Neb.

Gentlemen:

July 24, 1926 at 10 A. M., Mr. O. T. Wertz, Chappell, Neb., while
fishing in Jumbo Reservoir, which is three miles in diameter, in
Colorado, hooked a perch but gut attached to hook broke and fish was
lost. The same afternoon this fish was caught by him over half a mile
distant from where he hooked it in forenoon, with hook in mouth.

Yours truly,
E. C. Wolf.”

* * *

“ONE LONG HOP”

A Chinese baby born in Chicago, Sept. 14, 1927, was so named in honor of Lindbergh.

* * *

Karl Kmetty, a lieutenant in the Hungarian army (1919), convicted of 280 different crimes, sued a Budapest editor for libel.

* * *

As a class, the actors have supplied the largest number of Saints. St. Genest, St. Ardaleon, St. Porphyre, St. Pelagie.

* * *

Heinrich Noste, an Austrian musician, can play tunes on the piano with his tongue.

* * *

Eberhard Wagenes, of London, called his wife a liar 10,000 times for which a statuary fine of $75 was paid.

* * *

Mme. Marie Ollivier, of Hondschoote, Flanders, who committed bigamy, was sentenced to wear two pair of pants around her neck for life.

_Ref.: “Registre des sentences criminelles exécutées à Hondschoote
sous le règne de Phillippe II.”_

* * *

The Grand Inquisitor Peter Arbuez, who burned 40,000 people at the stake, was made a Saint by the Pope in 1860.

* * *

A QUEEN CROWNED AFTER DEATH

Iñez de Castro, beloved wife of Pedro I of Portugal, became Queen of Portugal after she was dead.