Chapter VII: Part 7

he meant a hoop snaik but he was xcited, and if the polise dident do there duty he wood put it in the hands of the county solissiter and see is respectible citisens cood be et and lose their lifes without nobody doing ennything to stop it. and he sed do we live in Rooshy or Prooshy and dont a man have enny petection of the law? and he waulked up and down the porch and banged his cain and hollered and while he was hollering Ed and George and Warrin and Peeliky and Peelikys father was taiking the old snaper into the back yard and they cut his head off and Ed told Peeliky that the head woodent die for 7 days. then they come back and told the old man to shet up and Ed sed they was going to have tirtle soop and fride chicking, and rost beef and boiled ham and sossige and quale on tost and clamb chowder and pigs feet and pork scraps and hogs head cheze all out of that tirtle. but the old man kep a hollering and asking if he lived in Rooshy and Ed sed the old man will feal better tomorrow when he has drunk about a quat of soop and et 4 or 5 pounds of diferent kinds of meet from that old snaper.

well bimeby they went in and the old man went in and set down and they begun to play on their horns and we clim over the fense and went home. i gess we scart the old man most to deth. if you had saw him let out the yell and heard him tirn the back somerset you wood have thougt so. we aint throug with him yet. a man whitch will stop up a swiming hol with tin cans and broaken glass aint going to get off with lesson. and wire two whitch is cumtimes wirse. and hoopskerts.

then we all went down town and come up throug Coart Strete laffing and talking about what we see in the store winders so our folks wood know we had been down town. mother sed i was prety lait and sed that father sed i hadent augt to be out so lait but she told him i asted if i cood go and she sed yes. she told me i must come home erlier next time. father had went to bed so i dident see him and he dident yip.

it was the most sucesful meating the Terible 3 has had. i have got to wright out the report for Pewt becaus i can spel so mutch beter than Pewt can. so i cant wright moar tonite in this diry.

October 28, 186---today the ferst thing i see was old man Tilton coming down town with his old cain. he glore at me when i met him and i sed how do you do mister Tilton and he sed how do how do and waulked on. so i know he doesnt suspeck us. i bet he woodent say how do to Gimmy Fitzgerald or Moog Carter or Luke Mannix or Ticky Moses. i wached him and he went into the polise stasion. then he come out and talked with old Swane and old Mizzery Durgin the polise oficers. his naim is Ezry but we call him Mizzery. he is the feller that throwed me out of the town hall the nite father was going to maik a speach and dident dass to. old man Tilton pounded his cain on the ground and hollered. i coodent hear what he sed except Rooshy and Prooshy so i gess he was triing to find out where he lived becaus he wanted to know last nite and nobody told him. i gess he hasent et enny of that soop yet. i wish we cood have kep that tirtle. it wood have fed Hork and Spitt for 2 weaks. i cougt a rat today. an old linger and they toar him up and et him. Spitt had the ferst whack at him and i thougt he wasent going to leeve no coar so i poaked a part of it out with a stick and gave it to Hork. if i kep Hork and Spitt together they wood eet eech other up. i wunder if they wood be ennything left when they got throug.

ennyway a bullfrog can eet another bullfrog as big as he is. the one that gets the first snap gets the other and swalows him down his gozzle with his feet sticking out of the corner of his mouth. A bullfrog swalows the other bullfrog hoal. he chews him up inside like a hen or a boar constricter only he dont squash him ferst. i am glad i am not a bullfrog and havent enny teeth in my stomack. how cood a dentist pull a tooth in a fellers stomack if it aiked. how cood a feller tell wether it was a tooth aik or a stomack aik. wood a feller die if he maid a mistaik and had a dentist pull a tooth whitch was in his stomack when it dident aik but his stomack did. if i was a bullfrog i shood like to know them things. but i aint a bullfrog and i shant have enny teeth in my stomack unless when i am old and have false teeth i swalow them when i am aslep as old man Collins did onct.

tonite we had company. Aunt Mary and Charles and Helen and Cad Smith and Steve and Ann Maria Piper and Annie Piper, and so i coodent go out after supper but had to stay in and hear Keene and Cele sing. i can hear them enny day and i had agreed to go out with Pewt and Beany and try to brake sum of J. Albert Clarks windows to pay for telling father when i let out his rooster to fite mine and mine licked his. if his had licked mine old J. Albert woodent have yipped. i dont blaim him for being mad becaus i let them fite when he wasent there to see and becaus mine licked but no feller that is a real feller will go tattle taleing to a fellers father and get him kep in the yard a hoal day. if he had given me a bat in the ear or had hit me a paist with his cain i woodent have caired but a feller that tells on another has got sumthing to learn and that is what the Terible 3 is for. to lern fellers to behave.

so i coodent go out and Pewt and Beany sed they wood try to do it without me. they sed they wood go up to Pewts yard again and wood try sum grean apples on a stick and aim more to the rite than they did when they broak old J. Ward Levitts windows whitch the stewdcats paid for brakeing. so i kep my ey pealed becaus J. Albert lives in the other side of our house and i gnew if ennyone broak his winders old J. Albert wood come piling in to tell father it was me and father cood tell him he was a dam lier becaus i wood be there with father all the time and father wood know i hadent went out for a minit.

so i set in the parlor and father told the story about the feller whitch got the long hair in his mouth and lots of stories that maid us nearly kill ourselfs laffing. then Cele and Keene sung flow gently sweet Afton and pass under the road and we shall meat but we shall miss him and my mother bids me bang my hair and then father maid me sing alone. i hait to sing alone. i cood have sung with Keene but he maid me sing alone. i sed what shall i sing and he sed sing ennything. so i sung a new virse of if ever i ceese to love. it goes this way

if ever i ceese to love
if ever i ceese to love
may Horris Greelys cat
have kittens in his hat
if ever i ceese to love

well father and Steve and Ann Maria and Aunt Sarah and Aunt Mary and Charles and mother all laffed but Cele and Keene and Annie Piper sed i was very disgusting. ennyway father sed i cood sing ennything.

well after i had sung Cele and Keene were playing a peace about Napolion crossing the Alps when there was a big gingle of glass and a hard apple came wizzing throug the window and came within a inch of taiking Steve on the snoot. Keene gave a screech and evryone gumped up jest as another hit the side of the house bang. father was out of the house and down the steps in 2 minits and i after him. the stewdcats in old mister Heads house were setting by their table studding in there shert sleaves and we heard sum one down the strete and father hipered down strete and i after him. we met Nipper Brown and his father and father he sed have you met enny fellers Gus and Nippers father he sed yes 2 fellers ran down Clifford Strete and me and father went down Clifford strete and coodent see enny fellers. so we went back and i picked up a rock and put it in my pocket. when i ran out after father i picked up the apple and nobody had seen it. i gnew if father see that apple with a hole in it he wood know it was throwed with a stick and he wood know in a minit who broak old J. Ward Levitts winders.

so when we come back to the parlor they sed that 2 more rocks had struck the house while we was gone and i pertended to pick up the rock i had brougt in under the otterman. father sed if that rock had hit you Steven it wood have cooked your goos. and Ann Maria sed it is a mersy it dident and Aunt May sed this is a serius matter George and father sed it is more than that Mary it is a dam outrage and he and Charles went out again and i folowed them. ferst they went over to Beanys and asted his father if he had saw ennyone. he sed he hadent. then father asted where Elbrige was. Elbrige is Beany you know and he sed he was up to Pewts painting sumthing in the shop. so father come back. he was prety mad and sed he wood give 100 dollers to find out who throwed them rocks. and he wood like to know what the polisemen was for enyway. so he and Charles and Steve talked about how bad the town was run and what a tuf set of rowdies there was now a days and how mutch better it was in the old days. then father he sed a few days ago sum one put a notise up on cousin Isaks house sined by the Terible 3 and Ike hadent been down town sence and hadent been out day times without having old mother Moulton come in and set with his wife while he was gone. he sed Ike had got a pistol and was going to lode it only he dident know whitch end of it loded and his wife was moar scart of the pistol than she was of the Terible 3 whoever the misable cusses was. father sed that old mother Moulton was moar pertection than 5 pistols and 2 bull dogs and he wood pity enny Terrible 3 or Terible 300 whitch wood dass to interfear with her.

then old Steve he sed he had heard of sum things the desperrit villanes had did. they had tide a snaping tirtle to the doorgnob of old mister Tilton and he had been prety badly bit by him and that docter Perry and docter Swet and docter Perrum had all been called and it was moar than a hour befoar they stoped the flow of blood. i told them i guess that wasent so for i see him down town the next day all rite. i sed the fellers was talking it over at school and Luke mannix sed that the fellers that tide the snaper to the doorgnob had tide up his mouth. he sed he see the snapers head after Ed Tilton Peeliky Tiltons uncle had cut it off and its mouth was tide up with a cord.

Steve sed a feller mite jest as well be bit as scart to deth and Charles Smith sed that may be so cussin Stefen but if i had to be boath i wood ruther be one and i wood ruther be scared to deth becaus you cood get over being scart to deth but you mite not get over being bit if you had a hine leg or arm bit off. ennyway he sed it was time that the orthoritys of the town got together and offered a reward for ennybody whitch wood ketch those fellers.

father sed onct he and Gim Melcher and Bill Young usted to get a pocket full of gravil and when the old fellers was setting round the stove in the stores smoaking and spitting and talking the fellers wood open the stoar door and plug a handful of gravil in and slam the door and run. they done that for quite a while and bimeby old Boss Langly whitch kep a store down by great brige offered a reward of 10 dollers to ennyone whitch wood ketch them. so he hid 2 nites oposite his store and neerly froze to deth for it was in november and a cold nite. bimeby father and Bill and Gim come along and they all got ready. father sed he peeked into the store and see all the old pods setting there and he opened the door and they all pluged the gravil and started to run and run rite into Boss arms and Boss grabed father by one neck and Gim by the other and he waulked them down to fathers fathers house and sent for old Dan Melcher and he came hipering up from his house with his coat tales floating in the breaz. well after they had talked about an hour fathers father and old Dan Melcher paid 10 dollers to old Boss Langly and agreed to tan the hide off of father and Gim if old Boss woodent persecute and woodent tell the other store keepers who pluged the gravil. and fathers father tanned the hide off of father and Gims father tanned the hide off of Gim and Bill got off becaus old Boss dident have but 2 hands to grab with an had put his falce teeth in a glass of water behine the stove and he coodent hold Bill without teeth or he wood have got Bill two, and father and Gim wasent tattletales.

father had sed he thought old Boss got prety good interest for nothing. he got 10 dollers and dident have to pay enny reward and had the fun of ketching them and the way they put it on showed that they liked to do it. so evrybody was satisfide xcept father and Gim. then Aunt Mary she sed well i guess you desirved it George and father laffed and sed i gess i desirved a good deal moar than i ever got Aunt Mary. father had augt to have licked me 10 times as often as he did. and then Hellen Smith sed evrybody tells me George that you was the meanest boy in the town and father sed no Hellen i dont think i was meen. i was bad enuf god knows but i always had lots of frends and kep them and a meen feller never has frends. and Hellen she sed well if you wasent a meen boy i shood like to know what a meen boy was and father he sed a meen boy or man or girl or woman is one whitch does meen things to another or says meen things about them. i dont know whitch is the wirst but i gess the one whitch says meen things about peeple. so Hellen she set up and nobody sed ennything for 2 minits. then Keene got up and went to the piano and set down and sung

i'm the girl that's gay and happy
where so ear i chanct to be
and there's sumthing i will tell you
if you will but list to me

i tell you Keene is rite on hand when there is ennything going on. bimeby they went home and i went upstairs. i wonder what Pewt and Beany will say when they find out that they broak fathers winders insted of old J. Alberts. it seams funny to have to pay Pewts father for putting in new panes of glass in plaice of them whitch Pewt broak. if Pewt can do this evry nite he can keep the old man bizzy all the time and make a pile of money.

October 24, 186---brite and fair and frost last nite. father waked me up hollering up the stairs. he sed come down here quick so i piled out of bed and put on my close as lifely as i cood and went down 3 steps at a time. when i got there father told me to come out in front of the house and to look and i done it and there on old J. Alberts side of the house was a sine whitch sed

J. Albert Clark we have broak your win-
ders. this is jest a beginning, moar anon.
bewair. bewair the Terible 3.

i looked as sirprised as i cood and sed gosh father then it was the Terible 3 and they was trying to get even with J. Albert insted of you. i wunder what he has did to them. but father sed i dont cair what he has did to them it cant go on this way verry long befoar sumone will be in jale. when he sed that i felt as if i dident have enny stomack. then he hollered for J. Albert and old J. Albert come down and when he saw the sine and father had told him about the broaken winder he sed he shood go down town to the polise stasion and make a complaint and see if innosent peeple aint going to have enny pertection under the law.

then father sed have you did ennything rong to ennyone Albert whitch mite want to get even with you and old J. Albert he sed he hadent done rong to a living sole as far as he gnew and he sed i gess George they must have got in the rong side of the house and they ment it for you insted of me and father sed that may be so Albert but it is almity quear that they shood call me J. Albert Clark and hang the sine on your side of the house and J. Albert dident know what to say to this and so he sed i gess that is quear but peeple do quear things sumtimes. then father sed have you heard how they hung a snaping tirtle on old man Tiltons doorgnob and rung his bell and he went to the door and got so badly bit that it took 3 docters to sow him up. and old J. Albert sed no i dident hear of it George. is it trew? and father sed i was told so last nite and i understand other peeple has been warned and assaulted, and in evry case it has been a prety meen man. and J. Albert sed well i dont know what ennyone has got agenst me and if necesery i shall have a poliseman stay here nites and father sed it looks to as if it was only the beginning of sum prety desperit work but if ennything happens jest gnock on the wall and i will come in on the gump.

and old J. Albert sed thank you George i know i can alwys relie on you and father sed you can Albert you can but i am afrade you are in for sumthing verry serius but we must hoap for the best. so then we went in to breckfast and when we got in father began to laff and sed there i have give miss Nancy sumthing to wurry about to pay him for rasing my rent last month. he wont dass to go down town nites enny moar than old Ike Shute.

i sed to father dont you think the Terible 3 will do sumthing feerful to him and father sed no they may roten eg him or sumthing like that but they wont hirt him. i sed do you supose it is big fellers or little fellers and father sed it must be big fellers becaus little fellers coodent ty up a snaping tirtles mouth and coodent ty him to a doorgnob. i figger it is sum big rowdys that want to be smart. it must be sum fellers that aint been to school mutch for that sine is spelt rong in 2 or 3 plaices. so i dident say enny moar and the hack come for father and he got in and went to the trane and i felt better.

After breckfast i went up to Pewts and he and Beany sed to me gosh Plupy we broak a lot of winders in old J. Albert Clarks house and put up a sine and when i told them what they had did they were suprised as time and they sed well all rite for you old J. Albert your tirn will come. so i asted Pewts father to come down and put in a new pane of glass. and he came down before i went to school. he sed that peeple were talking about the rain of lawlissness and that sumthing was going to be did about it. he sed it probly was being did by sumone we hadent the leestest idea of, most always when sum verry unusuel crime is comitted the pirpitraiter is found to be one of the most respective citisens of the town. Pewts father sed he callated it wood be so in this case. he sed he was satisfide it wasent boys or rowdys but the last pirson we wood suspeck.

the Exeter Newsleter had a peace in it today. Beany read it to me and i cpppied it down for the record. this was what the peace in the Newsleter sed.

crime rammpent

The waive of crime that has broaken out in our comunety is one that deserves the repribation of every wirthy citisen haveing the welfair of our town at hart. the unpreceedented boldness of the miss creants is sutch as reminds one verry forceably of the why ohs of New York that infaimus band of ruffans that plunged the city of New York into a riot of criminality that bid fair to rival the orgies of Roam under the rane of Nero.

we have jest been regoiceing in the convicksion of the ring leeders of the band of garrotters that has terrorfide the naboring city of Boston when we are confrunted with a serious of crimes in our own town that bid fair to rival the wirst of the above mensioned atrosities.

the cowerdly assault upon our wirthy sittizen mister William Hobbs a man whose mennifoaled and sterling trates of carackter intitle him to a very high rank as a cittisen. the dasterdly attact up on mister Biley J. Tilton whose open handed jennorosity has done so mutch to maik his naim ornnered in this community. the repperhensibel nature of their warning to mister Isak Shute a man whose jenerous wirth and moddist life has indeered him to evryone, the coarse thret to mister J. Albert Clark whose kinliness and good deads are as well knone as his finanshal ability and probbity, are sutch as maik the blud of evry onnest man boil in their vanes.

it is indeed time that the ofisers of the law take the most astringint measures to deteck and stamp out the hoal infernal brood.

when father come hoam tonite he redd it and laffed and sed i wunder what dam fool rote that. ennyone with branes enuf to fill a thimbel had augt to know that nobudy is going to be hirt. the fellers that tide up that mud tirtles mouth aint going to hirt ennyone. the moar the fools talk about it the moar the fellers that are doing it are going to do it sum moar.

i bet old Hobbs and Ike and old Biley Tilton and J. Albert bougt 100 Exeter Newsleters apeace to send round to their friends if they have got enny.

October 25, 186---clowdy and cold. i dident get licked today in school whitch was a releef. last nite i woak up and got thinking about the Terible 3 and what wood hapen if we got cougt and i coodent go to sleep for moar than 2 hours. i gess the peace in the Newsleters wurrid me. i wundered if i had augt to have got up the Terible 3. i had sevveral narow escaips from the reform school so father had sed and this was wirse if i got cougt. so i desided me and Pewt and Beany must be verry cairful and not leeve enny trase of our dedly wirk. bimeby i got to sleap and dident get up this morning untill mother come up and shook me. i hardly had time to get in my wood and water and eet my breckfast and hiper to school. i got there jest in time whitch was probably one reason why i dident get licked. i tell you when a feller knows his teecher is watching for a chanct to snach him balheaded he has to wauk pretty strate.

this afternoon Pewt had to help his father paint a fense and Beany went down to Ed Toles and when Beany is down there i dont go becaus it is ap to lead to trubble between me and Beany on acount of Lizzie Tole Eds sister. so when father come home early on the 2 oh clock trane he had a lait dinner and we went down to see about getting my boat up for the winter. so we rew up river to the Eddy and then rew back. we had to row hard to keep warm. well when we got back to the worf father sed less pull the old boat out and we got hold and pulled her haff way out on the worf and then father swang her round to get the stirn out and gnocked me rite into the river with my close on.

gosh it was as cold as a ice and i swum to the worf and father the pulled me out and jawed me for being a fool to get in the way when he hadent told me what he was going to do. aint that jest like him. well he made me run all the way home and then took off my close and he rubed me with a ruf towel that neerly took my hide off. it was almost as tuf as when they rubed the black off of me with bristol brick and seesand when i thougt i was always going to be a niger.

then he give me a glass of hot lemonaid and maid me go to bed. the lemonaid was all rite but i haited to go to bed. we was going to have a meating of the Terible 3 and then we was going down on the square to hear a peddler sell stuff from a wagon and a big torchlite. but father woodent let me go. but he brougt me up a new novil. it was a ripper. the naim of it is Rattlesnaik Redhead the Red Handed. we will have to have the meating of the Terible 3 tomorrow after chirch.

October 26, 186---sunday again and raning hard. it has raned hard all day. it always ranes sunday when a feller wants to do sumthing.

none of the folks went to chirch xcept Cele who is verry religus. she is throug with the palsams and is reading the provirbs. father asted me if i gnew what a provirb was and i sed yes it was a part of speach that modifide virbs ajectives and other advirbs. then he begun to laff and they all laffed. ennyway i bet evrybody but father and mother and Aunt Sarah and Cele dident know. he sed the provirbs was the wize sayings of old king Sollerman whitch was suposed to be the wizest man in the wirld.

father sed he coodent quite beleeve that for he sed enny man whitch had as many wifes as Sollerman coodent have had horse sence or been a repsective cittisen. ennyway he sed he was wizer than old man Purington Pewts grandfather who rew out to sea 10 miles in a storm one day and when he got to the shoals where the litehouse and the big hotels was he landed and clim up the rocks and when they asted him where he come from he sed he come from America.

last nite father went to hear the peddler on the square. father got a gold stem winder wach for 2 dollers. when he got home he tride to wind it up and he cood wind it for 15 minutes and it woodent be enny nearer wound up. so father looked into it and there wasent ennything in it but the winder. so father was mad and sed if the Terible 3 wood roten eg that pedler he gessed evrybody wood be glad of it

gosh i dident say nothing but you bet the Terible 3 will have a meating tomorrow erly and they is going to be sum fun tomorrow nite.

October 27, 186---this has been a grate day for te Terible 3. this time we have did sumthing that evrybody is glad of. xcept jest a few fellers and sum wimen whitch aint willing to maik enny sackrifise for the good of the town. bimeby peeple will see that the Terible 3 is able to do sum things that the poliseman cant do.

father sed tonite after he got home that it sirved old Swane the poliseman and old Mizzery Dirgin the poliseman that throwed me out of the hall that time that father was going to make a speech but dident dass to jest rite. that it was the law that a pedler coodent pedle things without a license and old Swane and old Mizzery Dirgin knowed it and hadent augt to have aloud him to do it and if they had did their duty father woodnt have lost 2 dollers in bying a tin wach without enny wirks in it. father sed he woodent have missed it for 10 dollers and he wood like to know who done it. i sed peraps it was the Terible 3 and he sed if it is peeple had augt to forgive them for what they had did to old Biley and old Bill and old Ike and old Ward and old J. Albert. i wanted to tell him but of coarse my othe woodent alow me to tell. i bet father wood make a awful good member. if he was a member we wood have to call it the Terible 4 and then peraps Beany and Pwet wood have to have there fathers in it and we wood have to call it the Terible 6.

So i gess it is all rite to leeve it as it is, but if we ever get up another one father will have to join. jest imagine ennyone ketching us and triing to lick us when father was round.

i havent stoped laffing yet over it. if enny of the peeple whitch got pluged ever find out who done it they will kill us dead. but they wont never find it out.

well this morning i got up and et my breckfast and done my choars and went over to Beanys and got him and we went up to Pewts and had a meating of the Terible 3 and i told them what father sed and what the pedler done to hime and that the pedler was going to pedle there tonite and that it was our chanct to do good wirk and to maik a naim for ourselfs. so Pewt took us out to where his father had set a lot of hens and there was lots of hens and there was lots of egs that dident hach. sum of them was so lite that you coodent plug them verry far and sum of them whitch were heavy had ded chickings in them. we broke 1 of eech kind to see whitch smelt the wirst and we coodent tell. both smelt so bad that we had to go out of the coop and wait till it aird out. then we pluged 1 of eech kind agenst the fense. the lits one popped the loudest and the chicking one spatered the most. they was 36 left.

Well Beany sed his father was papering sum rooms in Masonick block in the 2th story for General Maston and that he was going to Portsmuth tonite to a masonick meating. so Beany sed he wood get the kee of the office and we wood go up there and lock the door and open the windows easy and not have enny lite birning and we cood see evrybody in the square and nobody cood see us and he gessed mister pedler wood think sumbody had throwed a skunk at him.

well i have forgoten wether i got licked in school today or not. i dont think i did but i aint sure. i dident think of ennything but what we was to do to the pedler and old Francis grabed me and shook me up and give me 2 or 3 bats and stood me on the platform for a hour. so i dident get licked after all. i thougt i wood remember it if i was licked.

well after supper i studded until haff past seven and Cele done all of my xamples if i wood let her read Ratlesnaik Red Head the red Handed after she had read 2 provirbs. so i let her have it and after i had coppied the xamples i hipered over to Beanys. he and Pewt were ready. we devided the egs and filled our pockets with them and then we went down town.

when we got there the pedler was standing in his wagon in the square. and he had a big torchlite and he was hollering and holding up things to sell. they was a crowd of peeple round him men and wimmen and boys and girls. we went down to masonick block and went up stairs. we dident meat ennybody and the stairs were pich dark. we unlocked the door of the office and went in and opened the winders eesy. it was lucky we did becaus Beany run into a table in the dark and broak 2 egs in his pocket. murder how they smelt. we had to stick our heads out of the window to breeth. Beany sed what am i to say to father and mother when they smell me and find i have got roten eg on my close and Pewt sed we fill say we were in the crowd and got hit and nobody will think we pluged ourselfs. i tell you Pewt is awful smart to think up things. that is why he gits so few lickings in school and me and Beany get so menny. so after we had got all the egs out of our pockets and in litle piles ready and cood breeth inside we all got ready. the old pedler had a bottle in his hand and sed now ladies and gentlemen i have here a bottel of my selibrated panyseer compounded by the most destinkwished chemists in Europe and of the purist and most xpensive drugs and warranted to cure headake, earake, backake, bellyake, hartake, rumatism, growing panes, varicose vanes, bunions, corns, ingrowing tonales, scroffuler, siattikeer, lung fevers, scarlet feever, meezles, hooping coff mumps and croop. children cry for it, old maids sy for it, you must have it. waulk up, run up, gump up, tumble up ennyway to get up only fetch your money up and all for 1 doller.

jest as he sed that Pewt let ding with a chicking eg as hard as he cood. it wood have took old mister pedler square in the head but jest then he leened down to take a doller and it went over his head and took old Mizzery Dirgin who was standing facing towerds us rite square in the mouth and spatered all over him. i bet he gumped 9 feet in the air and then begun to hoop and gag and rushed for the horse troth and put his head in and soused it round and the peeple all begun to laff and holler and old Mizzery gumped up all driping and arested Mike Prescot for being drunk and begun to drag him off and Mike held back and fit and old Swane grabed him to help old Mizzery and we let ding as fast as we cood and old Swane got one rite between the sholders and one rite in the back of his head that popped like a pistol and he let go of Mike and rushed for the troth and put his head in and while the old pedler was laffing his head off he got 2 chicking egs 1 in his shert bosum and one rite square in the eye and i never heard sutch swaring and hooping and gaging in my life and and sheriff Odlin who was standing on the curbstone got one in his stovepipe hat and of coarse he had to arest sumone and he took Bill Hartnitt and waulked him off and as soon as the old pedler got enuf of the eg out of his ey so he cood see and breeth he grabed the ranes and liked his horse round the corner. peeple were rushing round and triing to get out of the way and sum were hollering murder what a stink and sum were hollering hell what a stink and sum were laffing their heads off and bending over and slaping their gnees and leening agenst trees and holding their sides and sum were swaring and getting the polisemen to arest inosent peeple whitch hadent done nothing and one man with a streek of yellow down his back where he had got a popper was offering 500 dollers for the man whitch wood tell him who throwed them rotten egs. i see father there talking with old Swane and old Mizzery and shaking his head. father dident get hit but Pewts father did. he got a popper in the coat tale and he was mad. he wood have been madder if he had gnew it was his eg.

of coarse we hit a good many peeple that we dident meen to hit. they shoodent have been in the way and they coodent blaim ennybody but themselfs. but i supose they wood about kill us if they gnew who done it. peeple is prety unreesonable sumtimes. but we drove the old pedler away and saved a grate del of money for the peeple and we pluged old Swane and old Mizzery Dirgin and evrybody was glad of that. of coarse when a feller gets a roten eg in the ey or in the middle of his vest when he has got his best close on he dont feel xacly plesant towerds ennybody. after tonite i gess evrybody will ware their old close when they go out to hear a pedler pedle.

well while the peeple was hollering and swaring and holding their nose and being arested for being drunk by old Swane and old Mizzery and Sheriff Odlin and being draged into the lockup me and Beany and Pewt shet the winders of the office and we come down stairs and went home. when we got to my house we all went in. mother and Aunt Sarah and Keene and Cele was setting up. well when he went in and begun to talk mother and Aunt Sarah begun to maik awful faces and Keene and Cele sed phew what a awful smell and mother sed Keene open the windows quick and sumone birn a rag. what in the wirld have you stepped in boys, go out and scrape your feet on the scraper and wipe them on the mat. you had augt to be moar cairful where you step and Beany he sed it aint that misses Shute i got hit with a roten eg when sumone roten eged the pedled and mother sed i dont want to be unpolite Elbrige, Elbrige is Beany you know, but i think you had better stand in teh doorway while you xplain. so Beany stood there and we were telling about it while Keene leened out of the window and hollered phew and mother and Aunt Sarah held their nose when father come in and the minit he come in he sed Geerusalem the golden naim ever dear to me will that smell folow me all the days of my life till i dwell in the house of the lord forever, and mother sed George i realy wish you woodent talk so befoar the children and father sed all rite Joey, he calls mother Joey you know, i wont, but it is verry triiing to a man of my partickuler disposision to return to the buzum of his familiy to find the intire homested smeling like a combineasion of a glu factory, a fertilizer factory and a ded horse whitch has been left 3 weaks in a hot July sun. and mother sed for heavens saik George dont say enny more. it is bad enuf without thinking of sutch dredful things. and father sed i wont Joey only you shood not have interrupted me and tirned me from my religious medditasions. i was doing prety well. then Aunt Sarah sed if you aint moar choise in your langage you never will dwell in the house of the Lord but sumwhere elce, and father sed tell me sumthing new and dont scair me to deth Sarah. but how in the wirld did that smell get here, and me and Beany and Pewt all hollered Beany got a eg in the side and father sed i shood think he did and the best thing Beany can do is to go home and chainge his close. it is neerly 10 oh clock and we have got to go to bed sumtime tonite.

so Pewet and Beany went home and father set down and mother shet the winders and father told us about it and how meny got hit and what they sed and we all nearly dide laffing as we always do when father tells stories, and father sed Gim Ellison got hit in the middle of his vest and went home holding his nose up in the air so high that he run bang into a tree and broak his speckticles, and old Bradbiry Purington, Pewts father went home holding his coat tale up like a woman holds up her trane. he sed that old Mag Mackflannery got hit and went rite down to old Bill Morrils house and maid so mutch fuss that Bill promised her a new dress if she wood shet up and go home. he sed Bill sed he will never run for selickman again. it keeps him in hot water all the time. he sed Bill sed if he hadent agreed to by her a new dress she wood have drove him into a loonitick assilem.

father he sed it was wirth 25 dollers of enny mans money to see old Swane and old Dirgin get it and they hadent enny rite to arest Mike and Bill and Gimmy Josy whitch wasent doing nothing but standing round, and wasent drunk enuf to be arested, and he sed he and Amos Tuck went in and baled them all out and that was why he was lait. father sed he wished moar egs had hit the polisemen and he wished he gnew the fellers whitch throwed the egs he wood give them 5 dollars.

gosh i wanted to tell him but my othe forbid but i wish we cood get that 5 dolers. father sed if the Terible 3 done it they hadent augt to be blaimed for ennything they had done to old Biley and the others. then he told me and Keene and Cele to go to bed and we done it. while i was wrighting i remembered what father sed about baling out old Mike and Gimmy Josy and Bill Hartnitt and i hollered down stairs and sed father how did you go to wirk to bale out them fellers. and father sed i used a stomack pump of coarse. how did you supose i done it, with a dipper. now you go to bed. so i went back and shet my door.

i tell you father knows how to do things. he pumped all the rumm out of them fellers and when they are tride in coart tomorrow and old Swane and old Mizzery sware that they was drunk the jug will tell them they is dam liers and a disgraice to the perfession. i wish i cood go to coart and hear the jug say that but i supose i have got to go to school. tomorrow i will wright the report for Pewt to copy becaus i can spel so mutch beter than Pewt.

October 28, 186---brite and fair. gosh the funniest thing happened to Pewt and to Beany. when Pewt got home his father was there and auful mad because he had got a poper on the coat tale becaus he was going to a temprunce meating tonite and was going to set on the platform and Pewts mother sed it wood be a weak befoar he cood ware that coat again becaus she wood have to boil it in 2 waters and rince it in and 3 and then dry it and ion it. so Pewts father coodent set on the platform at the temprunce meating and he was mad enuf to lick his grate granfather.

if Pewt had gnew enuf to keep still he wood have been all rite but he wanted to be funy and he sed that is a funy way to boil egs and old man Purinton grabed him and lambasted him with his ratan can till you cood have heard Pewt holler down town. it was tuf on Pewt but he dident get a lot of lickings he ougt to have got and i gess he cant complane.

and Beany had tuf luck two for when he went into the house they maid him go out and take off his jaket and his father licked him for spoling his close and maiking sutch a smell until Beany hollered as loud as Pewt. for onct in my life i had sum good luck for i got up the hoal thing and they got licked for it. i supose it aint rite for 1 of the Terible 3 to laff when the other 2 gets licked but i cant help it.

tonite we dident do nothing but put up another sine on old Ikes house it sed.

bewair Isak the hour of retrobusion is at hand.
the Terible 3

i xpect to hear sumthing from Ike tomorrow.

October 29, 186---today neither Pewt nor Beany cood go out of the yard xcept to go to school. they boath sed they wood be willing to stay in the yard the hoal day if they cood stay away from school but they thougt it was tuf to have to go to school and run the risk of being licked and then stay in the yard when the other fellers was having a good time.

but i done the best i cood to help them out. after school this morning i got a croud of fellers to go up to Pewts. they was Pop Clark and Hunny Donovan and Ham Welsh and Skinny Bruce and Jack and Gim Melvin and we staid there until Pewts father drove us out and after school this afternoon i got the saim croud to go over to Beanys so he woodent be loansum and we staid there till Beanys father drove us out. Beanys father told my father that it was more punishment for his family when he kep Beany in the yard than it was to Beany becaus evry time he kept Beany in the yard all his frends come in and rased particklar hell.

tonite old Ike sent for father and wanted to know if he wood come up and stay with him until nine oh clock when he was going to have a poliseman stay all nite to perteck him from the Terrible 3. father he sent him word that he wood be up after supper. he had to go down town a few minits and he sent me up to tell him and to say that he had better stay in and keep the doors locked. he told me to tell him he wood give 3 gnocks but not to open the doer for enyone elce.

Aunt Sarah sed George do you really think they is enny dainger. and father sed not a bit. sumone is having fun with Ike and Aunt Sarah sed why do you want to scare him to deth and father sed sister mine our gentle cussin Isak has had far two easy a life and it is a good thing to instil into his mind the idea that moths and rust do corrup and theeves braik throug and steel. then aunt Sarah tride not to laff and sed i think it is a shaim to wurry so good a man as he is and father sed.

sister thou wast mild and luvly
gentle as the summer breaz.

but it is hard to convinse you that desperrit cases need desperrit remmedies. now this is a desperrit case. verry desperrit. supose the Terible 3 shood kidnap Ike and hold him for ransum. who wood give 5 cents for Ike? who wood give ten, have i enny offers. maik it 7 1/2 cents. no offers maik it six. do i have enny offers. no by saint bride of Bothwel no let the portculis fall. and i wood have to go throug life uncheered by the companonship of Ike.

then aunt Sarah sed George do be sensible for onct in your life. jest onct. are you going to scare that poor man to deth or not? and father he sed far from it sweet sister. i shall be kindness itself. is it kindness in the docter when he conceles the faital naiture of a diseeze from a diing man and alows him to go whooping into the vast beyond without a chanct to repent. is that kindnes sister? ecco answers not by a dam site sister. it aint kindnes. it wood have been kindnes to tell him the gig was up and give him a chanct to maik his will and pay a few notes and by sum paper with black eges and 40 or 50 yards of craip for a fale for his wife.

so it will be my duty, sister, in spite of your prairs and teers, not to concele from Isak the seerius nature of the thret maid by the Terible 3. have you ever reelized how my boyhood was blited by the thrashings it received becaus i was a bit rude to my gentle cussen Ike. and do you reelize how many hundred times he was held up to me as a moddle and how i was erged sumtimes prairfuly by mother and moar often strapfuly by father to emulait his vertus. and do you think, sweet but earring sister that i will alow sutch a opertunity of asureing him of my pertecksion and simpathy to pass.

o the demon and his bride
and the grate grate owl
by all his curage tride
in the popes sanbowl

i gess not, Sarah mine. i shall go up and convinse Isak that the wicked stand in slepery plaices and that the way of the transgresor is hard. Isak has called upon his cussen for pertecksion. wood you have me fale him, speek woman.