Chapter II: Act 1: =Scene 1=: DOLLERCLUTCH'S OFFICE

=Enter= _DOLLERCLUTCH, D. R. 4 E., with lawyer's bag. He empties
his pockets of papers, etc., on desk, L. 3 E., while speaking._

=Dol.= Now if that isn't confoundedly provoking, I'd just like to know what is. There I've been on a ninety-mile journey; and what did I gain? Nothing, absolutely nothing, and just to think of throwing away so much money for railroad travel, only to have the satisfaction of knowing that you have added to the pile of monopoly and have nothing in return. Confound these railroad companies anyhow! Honest people subscribe to the stock and build them; then come along these "stock jobbing sharks," who corner the stocks and put the road in their vest-pockets. And they call that business; but it's only another name for d--n robbery. But where is that confounded Coriolanus? [_Calls._] Coriolanus! Coriolanus! Just like the rascal. Whenever you want him, nowhere to be found. When he is about, what good is he with his stuck up manners and airs? Thinks himself born to fill a higher sphere in life. But the only thing he's good for is to stand him in the entry and use him for a hat rack. Confound him anyhow! [_Calls._] Coriolanus! [_Listens._] Where the deuce can he be? To gratify him I answered an advertisement for a position, which, he says, would be more suitable for his intellectual and genteel qualities--and, if it is only successful I shall be well rid of the rascal. [_Picks up letter._] Hello! just the thing, by jingo! [_Reads._] "Terms satisfactory. If convenient come at once. The position is man-servant; but, as I am away at business during the day, I want a reliable and intelligent person to supervise the work about the premises, and be a protector to the females." That will just please him, and it will just please me to get rid of him. [_CORIOLANUS puts his head in C. door._]

=Cor.= Was I mistaken, or did the sound of your voice penetrate the cavity of my ear?

=Dol.= Did I call? Well, if that ain't cool! Call? Of course I did!--and why the deuce didn't you come immediately?

CORIOLANUS =Enters=.

=Cor.= Because, my dear sir, I was otherwise engaged, and I felt assured that you would indulge me to that extent and postpone your desires to my especial accommodation. Thank you! [_With a wave of the hand._]

=Dol.= Oh! and how in thunder were you engaged?

=Cor.= [_Loftily._] I was paring my finger nails.

=Dol.= Oh! Oh! [_Falls in chair at desk._] This is too much. To return travel-wearied and hungry, and be made to wait by such a jackass. And I must be at court at ten, and [_pulls out watch_] it's nine now. [_Starts up in a rage._] I'll not stand it, sir! I'll throw you out of the window!

=Cor.= [_R. C._] Indeed! Then I should be at a loss to wonder what could be the matter with the door. Stay your temper, sir! It is decidedly unbecoming a man of your years. Preserve a calm dignity such as I furnish a striking example of.

=Dol.= [_Disgusted._] There, sir! [_Hands him letter._] This is the gratitude I receive for what I have done for you. Read it, and I hope you will have as much joy of it as I have in getting rid of you.

=Cor.= Thank you! Thanks! You have performed your duty well. Some day I will return the kindness; I shall engage you as my lawyer.

=Dol.= Get out, or I shall be tempted to do you an injury. Get your things ready to leave to-night, sir! I'll not put up with your nonsense and impudence another day. Now go, sir! and order a lunch for me at the restaurant, to be sent here--and mind you see that I am not disturbed until court time. I've got more than I can do to prepare my cases for this morning's court. I may forget the flight of time, in which case you will please come in and remind me of court time.

=Cor.= Your wishes shall be obeyed. I fly to execute your orders. [=Exit= _D. R. 4 E._]

=Dol.= [_At desk L. 3 E._] George Washington, you're a fool--your magnanimous nature has suffered you to be imposed upon--you're a--[_CORIOLANUS puts his head in D. R. 4 E._]

=Cor.= I beg your pardon, sir! [_He_ =Enters=.] In the excitement of the moment I neglected to inform you that a lady called to see you. I informed her that you were out of town. She was much distressed at the information. She waited for you until eight o'clock, when she left in a state of great mental excitement. She's been waiting since six o'clock this morning, waiting your arrival.

=Dol.= If she comes back don't let her in. Tell her to come to-morrow morning. I cannot attend to any more business before court. [_He busies himself among papers._]

=Cor.= [_Bows._] I fly! [=Exit= _D. R. 4 E._]

=Dol.= Egad! Some people must think lawyers are made of iron and work like machines! No! I'll listen to no more cases before court. I've only got one head and one pair of arms. [_CORIOLANUS puts his head in D. R. 4 E. To CORIOLANUS._] Well, sir! What now?

=Cor.= [=Enters.=] She's come back! I delivered your message. She wrung her hands and said she came eighteen miles to see you, and she must return at noon.

=Dol.= I can't help it! She must come another time. I positively decline to see any one before court.

=Cor.= I quicken! [=Exit= _D. R. 4 E._]

=Dol.= Some one without money to try to enlist my sympathies in helping some scalawag out of trouble. Not long ago I defended a tramp whom I thought unjustly used. I helped him out of the scrape and gave him a bowl of soup and some alms to help him on--and how did the rascal serve me? He published it about the town, and for two weeks I had every tramp from fifty miles around at my door begging for soup and alms. You don't get George Washington Dollerclutch in such a scrape again. [_Sees newspaper._] Hello! what's this? [_Picks up paper and adjusts spectacles. Reads._] "On the Brink of a Civil War." Lord bless us! [_Adjusts his glasses._] "Slavery and Anti-Slavery." "The Inauguration of Lincoln." Ah! That's my man--Old honest Abe! He'll show those rascally slave masters a thing or two before he's done with them. [_Reads._] "Firing on Fort Sumter." "Major Ander--"[_Drops paper._] Hang it all! I can't get that girl out of my mind. What the dickens did she want to say that for, anyhow? [_Sighs._] Well! Well! [_Picks up paper and reads._] "Major Anderson with seventy men, after a brave resistance of three hours against five thousand Secessionists, was finally obliged to surrender." Eighteen miles to see me? It must be an important case. [_Rises to his feet._] Confound it anyhow! Why did I let it slip? [_Calls._] Coriolanus!

=Enter= _CORIOLANUS, D. R. 4 E._

=Cor.= You have called! I have obeyed your summons.

=Dol.= Hold your tongue! Just go at once, and run after that girl and bring her back.

=Cor.= [_Bows._] I quicken! [=Exit= _D. R. 4 E._]

=Dol.= Why the dickens does she want to come here and upset my peace of mind?

=Enter= _CORIOLANUS, D. R. 4 E. He goes to R. C. DOLLERCLUTCH C._

=Cor.= In compliance with your desire, I have brought her back and left her on the door-step.

=Dol.= You thundering blockhead! Why didn't you bring her up here? Why the devil did you send her away in the first place? Here I'm losing all this valuable time. Usher her up at once.

=Cor.= I quicken! [=Exit= _CORIOLANUS, D. R. 4 E. DOLLERCLUTCH busies himself among his papers._]

=Dol.= Perhaps she's a fine rich lady, and I'll have a fat case. If not, I'll have nothing to do with her. I'll hustle her off in short order. I'll crush her with a look.

=Enter= _CORIOLANUS, D. R. 4 E., bowing in HILDA._

=Dol.= [_Aside, looking at HILDA._] H'm! No money in her case. I'll have nothing to do with it!

=Cor.= [_At D. R. 4 E._] My mission I've fulfilled; your pleasure I await.

=Dol.= [_To CORIOLANUS._] Get out! Didn't I tell you not to let me be disturbed before court?

=Cor.= I'll make an honorable retreat. [=Exit= _D. R. 4 E._]

=Hil.= [_C._] I beg your pardon, sir! Are you not Mr. Dollerclutch, the lawyer?

=Dol.= Now, ain't you ashamed of yourself hanging around a gentleman's door and carrying on in such an outlandish manner, when I'm so busy, eh?

=Hil.= I am very sorry, sir, but--but--

=Dol.= But what?

=Hil.= Oh, sir! I--I--

=Dol.= It's no use! It'll cost you two hundred dollars to look at me. Take my advice and go home and leave law alone. I dismiss the case. I'll not charge you a cent for that advice. Don't you say another word--good day! [_Waves his hand. He busies himself among his papers. HILDA wrings her hands. After a pause._] Well, why don't you say something? What's your name?

=Hil.= Hilda Wallace, sir!

=Dol.= Humph! Trying to raise a subscription for an able-bodied invalid, I suppose?

=Hil.= Oh, no, sir! I come to see if you could not help a poor girl out of a sad trouble.

=Dol.= [_Aside._] I thought so! Trying to work the sympathetic dodge. [_To HILDA._] What! Do you want to get a divorce?

=Hil.= No, sir! I came to see if you could find out who my parents are, and, also, whether I am married or not.

=Dol.= Lord, bless us! The girl must be crazy!

=Hil.= [_At desk._] Oh, sir! just listen to my story, and I know that you will be able to help me in this, my sore trouble.

=Dol.= [_Crosses to R., pulls forward two chairs, and motions HILDA to be seated._] Well, well! go on! [_Aside._] There's the morning's court business, and not a thing done. [_HILDA sits L. C. DOLLERCLUTCH R. C._]

=Hil.= I was brought up by a family named Wallace, who live in Norfolk, Virginia, and I supposed that I was their daughter, until a discovery I made two years ago convinced me that I was not.

=Dol.= [_Getting interested._] And what discovery did you make?

=Hil.= [_Unfolding a package._] I found this dress hidden away in one of the bureau drawers. [_Hands it to him._]

=Dol.= Lord, bless me! Why, it's a baby dress.

=Hil.= Yes, sir! and when I made inquiries about it I learned that it was one I wore when a child.

=Dol.= Well, there was nothing strange about that?

=Hil.= No, sir! But on examination, I found these initials, A. M., which you see worked in it!

=Dol.= Ah! yes! Precisely!

=Hil.= And when I called their attention to it they seemed confused and did not know what to reply. I kept the dress, determined to find out more, if I could!

=Dol.= And you did?

=Hil.= No, sir! but I learned since that the man I married could unveil the mystery which shrouds my birth.

=Dol.= And won't he enlighten you?

=Hil.= No, sir! all my attempts have proved futile.

=Dol.= But did you not say that this man was your husband?

=Hil.= Yes, sir! But he must have some object in keeping my identity secret.

=Dol.= But how did you become acquainted with this man, and how did you come to marry him?

=Hil.= He was a regular visitor at our home, and I noticed on many occasions that he paid Mrs. Wallace money. However, I fell desperately in love with him, and when he proposed that we get married, I, of course, was only too happy to consent.

=Dol.= And his name?

=Hil.= Ralph Murdell!

=Dol.= Ralph Murdell! Humph! I don't like the name--got a bad sound to it.

=Hil.= He took me to a little village in the suburbs about four miles from Norfolk, where we were married in a little chapel by an old country preacher.

=Dol.= And you were happy, I suppose?

=Hil.= Yes, until about two weeks later, when he was about to leave me. He said he had to go North to attend to some business. I would not listen to it, unless he took me with him.

=Dol.= That's right, my girl! And he took you, of course?

=Hil.= Yes; but it was on condition that I should keep the marriage a secret, and not recognize him in the presence of others.

=Dol.= And what the deuce was that for?

=Hil.= He said his family were very proud, and he wanted to gain their consent before he made our marriage public.

=Dol.= Oh, the rascal! And you listened to him?

=Hil.= Yes, sir! To my sorrow, I did. He recommended me to a young lady who wanted a lady's maid. I accepted the position on his assurance that he would soon claim me before the world as his wife.

=Dol.= And who is this lady with whom you now are?

=Hil.= Adrienne Lowville!

=Dol.= What! The daughter of Wm. Lowville, who owns Beachwood, eighteen miles from here, on the Essex road?

=Hil.= Oh, yes, sir! Do you know him?

=Dol.= Well, I'd like to know who don't! Got a railroad in each pocket. But, about your husband--is he acquainted there?

=Hil.= Alas! yes! He is a constant visitor, and I more than suspect that his attentions to my mistress imply more than he wishes me to believe.

=Dol.= [_Throws baby dress on table, R. 3 E._] Oh! That's his game, is it? A case of throwing you over for her, eh?

=Hil.= I fear so, sir; for she is madly in love with him, and thinks him a saint. When I called him to account for his actions, he laughed at me. He then informed me that he would do as he pleased, and that I was not his wife at all; that ours was a mock marriage.

=Dol.= [_Jumps up._] The deuce he did! Oh, the villain, to take advantage of a poor innocent girl.

=Hil.= [_Rises._] Oh, sir! but it was legal--it--

=Dol.= [_DOLLERCLUTCH L. C., HILDA R. C._] Have you got your marriage certificate?

=Hil.= No, sir! I never thought of that, sir.

=Dol.= Then, what proof have you?

=Hil.= Alas, none! But, oh sir! can't you investigate it? There surely must be a record kept of all marriages. Can't you get a copy of the church register, where it must have been entered?

=Dol.= That's so! I never thought of that! But, my dear girl, that will be a difficult matter, now that the country is in a _furore_ and on the verge of a civil war; and it will cost money to do it, my dear girl; money.

=Hil.= [_Crosses to desk L. 3 E._] Oh, sir! I thought of that! Here are twelve dollars that I saved out of my scanty earnings. Won't it be enough, sir?

=Dol.= [_Up C._] Enough? Why, it wouldn't pay for dipping a pen into the ink, to say nothing about the trouble of licking a postage stamp.

=Hil.= [_Sobs._] What shall I do--what shall I do?

=Dol.= [_Taking out handkerchief._] Take up that money and put it in your pocket immediately! I'll not take a cent of it. I never was so insulted in my life. [_Crosses to R._]

=Hil.= [_C._] Oh, won't you help me out of my trouble?

=Dol.= Help you? Of course I will! Who said I wouldn't? Do you think I'll stand by and see an innocent girl wronged in this manner? No! I'll see this thing through, if it costs me a fortune! Oh, the villain! [_DOLLERCLUTCH at desk, HILDA at table R. 2 E._]

=Enter= _CORIOLANUS, D. R. 4 E., with lunch._

=Cor.= Your lunch, sir! [_Puts it on desk._]

=Dol.= D--n the lunch! Get out!

=Cor.= I quicken! [=Exit= _D. C. HILDA sobs. She picks up baby dress from table._]

=Dol.= [_Down C._] What are you crying about?

=Hil.= I am so grateful to you, sir, for taking a poor girl's trouble to heart.

=Dol.= Now, don't you be deluding yourself with any such idea. This is business, I tell you; business. What do you know about business, I'd like to know?

=Hil.= I beg your pardon, sir!

=Dol.= Why do you come and arouse my sympathetic heart, and upset all my court business?

=Hil.= Can I do aught, sir?

=Dol.= No--yes--that is--shut up! Give me that dress! Now, you go back and don't let that husband of yours suspect anything. [_Puts on his hat, etc. DOLLERCLUTCH at desk, HILDA C._]

=Hil.= Are you going out, sir?

=Dol.= Hold your tongue! This is the way I prepare myself for court business; and there's my nice lunch, too! [_Stuffs baby dress in his bosom, leaving a part sticking out._] Now, go home and don't bother me till you hear from me. I'm going to take the first train for Norfolk!

=Enter= _CORIOLANUS at door C._

=Cor.= It's time to go to court!

=Dol.= D--n the court! I'll see this thing through. [_He bolts for the C. door and upsets CORIOLANUS in his haste to get out._ =Exit= _through C. door._]

=Cor.= The court is sitting! [_CORIOLANUS C., HILDA L. C. Whistle scene._]

=Scene 2=: WOOD-PASS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF WILLIAM LOWVILLE'S
RESIDENCE AT BEACHWOOD.

=Enter= _HENRY LOWVILLE, R. 2 E., with gun resting on arm._

=Hen.= [_Looking off L. E._] The guests are beginning to arrive, and I suppose I must, as a member of the family, be on hand and help do the honors of entertaining the motley crowd. [_Sighs._] Ah! how I hate the hollow mockery of fashionable society--how I hate to mingle in the giddy deception hidden under the guise of polite gentility--bah!

=Enter= _REGINALD, L. 2 E._

=Reg.= Why, how now, Henry! One of your melancholy fits again? Ha! ha! ha! [_Shakes hands._]

=Hen.= Yes, confoundedly so! I've got the blues with a vengeance.

=Reg.= Come, come, old fellow, shake off this feeling. Why, you look as if you had buried your best friend. Come, have a weed! [_Offers segar case._] Nothing like a smoke, you know, to calm a perturbed mind.

=Hen.= [_Lights segar._] Yes, there is a certain soothing influence about it; that's a fact.

=Reg.= Ah! now you look more like yourself. But how is this--why are you not at your post, doing the honors to the guests?

=Hen.= Because I hate these empty shows. What are all these receptions but one maze of dissipation, where everybody seems to outdo the other in silliness?

=Reg.= I agree with you there, Henry. There are many sins and much hypocrisy and deceit practiced under the veil of studied politeness, and the sacred bond of friendship becomes a mere matter of form to further the ends of frivolous and sordid desires.

=Hen.= And the women! All deception, heartless, fickle. Show me a woman in this gilded age of fashion devoid of fashion's impress--devoid of--

=Reg.= Nay, Henry! You are prejudiced--all women are not so. There are still many who possess all the noble attributes that Heaven instilled in her heart, that make her all that is beautiful and endearing in the eyes of a true man.

=Hen.= Yes; but artificial show has supplanted her--I know not the ideal.

=Reg.= Aye! but I know one.

=Hen.= And she is--

=Reg.= Your sister Adrienne!

=Hen.= Oho! I understand. Ha! ha! ha! Well, well, there's my hand on it. I give in. There is no one in the wide world that I would be more pleased to call brother.

=Reg.= [_Confused._] You misunderstand--you--

=Hen.= Well, well; so be it. But I had better go up to the mansion and make the guests comfortable, and help Adrienne complete the arrangements for the grand ball this evening. Will you come? [_Crosses to L. REGINALD to R._]

=Reg.= Not just at present. I want to have a little quiet stroll in these grand old woods; besides, I want to finish my weed.

=Hen.= Well, I'm off! [=Exit= _L. 2 E._]

=Reg.= As good a fellow as ever lived; with a tinge of melancholy in his make-up, and a little bitter against the female sex in general. Heigho! Probably a victim of a heartless coquette. Hum! That awkward slip of the tongue has betrayed me. He has discovered my feelings toward Adrienne. [_Leans against tree, L. 2 E., in a study._]

=Enter= _SAMMY DEWDROP and ADOLPHUS SOFTHEAD, R. 2 E. They do not
perceive REGINALD._

=Sammy.= [_C._] Hang it all if I don't think we've lost the way! [_Looks around._]

=Adolphus.= [_R. C._] Why didn't you listen to me and come by the regular road? Oh, Sammy! What if night should overtake us? Oh! oh! [_SAMMY scratches his head. REGINALD perceives them._]

=Reg.= [_Aside._] Two big school-boys!

=Sam.= Now, look a'here, Adolphus! How did I know we'd get in such a pickle? [_Sees sign on tree R. F._] Hurrah! We're all right! Here's a finger-post! [_SAMMY R. C. ADOLPHUS C. Reads_:] "Beware!" [_ADOLPHUS jumps in terror._] "Do not disturb the deer." Oh, pshaw! What shall we do?

=Adol.= I wish I'd stayed home!

=Sam.= It was all your fault that we came. You said there would be lots of nice girls there, and we should be sure to fall in love with ever so many.

=Reg.= Ha! ha! ha!

=Adol.= [_Scared._] Oh! oh!

=Sam.= [_Clutches ADOLPHUS fearfully._] What was that?

=Reg.= [_Comes forward, smiling. ADOLPHUS R. C. SAMMY C. REGINALD L. C._] Gentlemen, you seem distressed. Can I serve you?

=Sam.= [_Brightens up suddenly. To ADOLPHUS._] Oh! you coward, to get frightened like that! Why can't you be brave like me?

=Adol.= You were just as afraid as I was.

=Reg.= [_Laughs._] Have a smoke? [_Offers cigar-case to SAMMY._] It will help to quiet your nerves.

=Adol.= [_To SAMMY, aside._] Oh, Lucifer! I never smoked in my life.

=Sam.= Neither did I! But we must take one, you know; it isn't polite to refuse--besides, all men smoke.

=Adol.= Black as ink! Strong as old Nick, I bet.

=Reg.= You seem to have lost your way.

=Sam.= We were on our way to Holly Mansion, when we lost our way in this confounded jungle.

=Reg.= Ah! Then I can be of service to you. That is my destination, also, and if agreeable, I shall be most happy to guide you. [_With mock politeness. SAMMY and ADOLPHUS both try to shake hands with REGINALD at once. They both speak together._]

=Sam.= You're a trump.

=Adol.= Put it there, old boy!

=Reg.= This way, gentlemen! [=Exeunt=, _L. 2 E. Whistle scene._]

=Scene 3=: GARDEN ADJOINING WM. LOWVILLE'S MANSION.

=Enter= _ANASTASIA MAITLAND, and CORIOLANUS with valise, L. 2 E._

=Anastasia.= Well, I never! Not a soul about to receive me. And after all that jaunt from the station, too. I declare it's an outrage. They could have sent their carriage to the station for me, to say the least. If there was somebody about, I should feel inclined to faint. [_Sits on bench, L. 3 E._] Coriolanus!

=Cor.= [_At R. C. Bows stiffly._] Your pleasure, madam!

=Anas.= Get my smelling-bottle out of the valise--be quick!

=Cor.= [_Puts down valise._] I quicken!

=Anas.= And there's Reginald; why was he not at the station? He knew I was coming. [_CORIOLANUS hands smelling-bottle._] Won't I give him a piece of my mind! [_Music heard at distance._] Well, I declare. [_Rises._] If they haven't commenced dancing already! Coriolanus, go at once and announce my arrival.

=Cor.= Madam, I obey! I will go in advance and have the servants to announce us. [=Exit= _R. 2 E._]

=Anas.= Announce _us_! Did I ever see such impudence--announce _us_! Just as if _he_, a common servant, was such a distinguished personage as I am. Oh! it's disgusting! [=Exit= _R. 2 E._]

=Enter= _ADRIENNE and HILDA, R. 4 E._

=Adrienne.= Did you arrange the flowers on the table, as I desired?

=Hil.= Yes, my lady!

=Adri.= [_Sits on bench, R. 3 E._] What a beautiful evening! All nature seems hushed, as if it had gone to sleep on the broad bosom of the day. [_Sighs._] Hilda, were you ever in love?

=Hil.= [_Standing L. of bench._] Yes--no--that is, I--I--

=Adri.= [_Laughs._] Why, you silly little goose. You act as if it were a crime to be in love. You tremble like a leaf.

=Hil.= I--I am cold. The night air is chilly. If you'll excuse me, I will go in and get a shawl.

=Adri.= Oh, certainly. [_HILDA is about to go._] Hilda, when you go in, peep into the parlor and see if Ralph--I mean, Mr. Murdell, has arrived.

=Hil.= Yes, madam! [_R. C. Aside._] She loves him; she cannot hide it. [=Exit= _R. 3 E._]

=Adri.= He is late! What can detain him? He begged for the honor of the first dance. The third has already been danced and he is not here. Oh! how slowly the minutes glide. Ah! he comes at last.

=Enter= _RALPH, L. 2 E._

=Ralph.= [_L. of bench._] This is an unexpected pleasure!

=Adri.= Truant sir! This is punctuality!

=Ralph.= Allow me to offer my humblest apologies for my offense, and if a life's devotion could repay it, command me.

=Adri.= Still the disappointment would remain.

=Ralph.= Then you were disappointed, Miss Lowville? Adrienne! [_Takes her hand._]

=Adri.= Certainly! [_Withdraws her hand._] Why shouldn't I be when I was debarred from the pleasure of the first dance, simply because it was pledged to one who did not fulfill his promise? [_Music heard._] Hark! That's the quadrille I have given to Mr. Maitland. [_About to go to R._]

=Ralph.= [_Takes her hand and gently forces her to bench._] Nay, Adrienne! Do not go.

=Adri.= And would you have me be a truant like you? [_They sit._]

=Ralph.= Yes, because I cannot let you go. Adrienne, long have I sought for such an opportunity [=Enter= _HILDA R. 4 E._] to pour into your ears the passion that is consuming me.

=Adri.= Ralph, hush! Some one approaches.

=Hil.= [_Comes forward C._] Madam! Mr. Maitland was inquiring for you for this quadrille.

=Adri.= I almost forgot it. [_Aside to RALPH._] I'll be back presently. [_To HILDA._] Come, Hilda! [_Both_ =Exeunt= _R. 2 E. RALPH_ =Exits= _L. 2 E._]

=Enter= _SAMMY and ADOLPHUS, L. 2 E._

=Sam.= [_Looking after the girls._] Did you see her? Oh, what a heavenly being! My heart goes after her, and I guess I'll follow my heart. [_About to rush after. ADOLPHUS pulls him back._]

=Adol.= No you don't! If anybody goes, it's me. [_About to go. SAMMY pulls him back._]

=Sam.= I want to pour my heart in her ear!

=Adol.= And I want to let my soul mingle with hers!

=Sam.= Well, we can't both make love to her at once. I have it! We'll draw lots! [_Pulls matches from pocket._] Who draws the short stick proposes first, and if she refuses the short stick then the long stick will have a chance.

=Adol.= Oh, Sammy! What a head you've got.

=Sam= [_Holds sticks towards ADOLPHUS._] Draw! [_ADOLPHUS draws long stick._]

=Adol.= Just my luck!

=Sam.= Ah! Now, Dolphy, I'll show you how to do it. Hush! She's coming back! Now you hide behind there. [_Pointing. ADOLPHUS hides behind flower urn, C._]

=Enter= _ADRIENNE, R. 2 E. SAMMY falls on his knee._

=Sam.= Most adorable angel, whose liquid eyes do penetrate the inmost depths of my entranced soul, listen to one who has loved you from his childhood. Fill me with ecstasy by the avowal from thy honeyed lips that you will be forever mine.

=Adri.= [_Laughs heartily._] Rise, you foolish boy, and go home and tell your mother to put a mustard draft on your feet and give you a dose of paregoric.

=Sam.= [_Gets up and scratches his head._] Squashed, by Jupiter! [_He walks to L._]

=Adri.= [_R. Aside._] Where is Ralph, I wonder!

=Adol.= [_Coming forward, C. To SAMMY._] Go home, you foolish boy, and get some paregoric and let Adolphus take off the prize. [_ADRIENNE turns. ADOLPHUS falls on his knee._]

=Adri.= Another proposal?

=Adol.= Fairest of the fair and fairer yet, take this my heart and do with it what you like. It's yours forevermore. [=Enter= _REGINALD, R. 2 E., who takes ADRIENNE'S place. ADRIENNE R., REGINALD R. C., ADOLPHUS C., SAMMY L._] Play with it, use it for a foot-ball--do with it what you like, as long as you take your true Adolphus with it. My father owns sixty-eight brick houses, twenty race horses, three hundred slaves, and one-quarter of an acre of good farming land--besides--[_Discovers he is talking to REGINALD._] The devil! [_Starts and rushes off L. 2 E. SAMMY runs after him._]

=Sam.= Who had better take paregoric now? [=Exit= _L. 2 E. ADRIENNE and REGINALD laugh._]

=Reg.= Two foolish, overgrown boys, whose mental powers have not kept pace with their physical. Pray be seated, Miss Lowville. [_ADRIENNE sits, bench R. 3 E. REGINALD remains standing._]

=Adri.= Mr. Maitland, I owe you an apology. I promised you a quadrille, but I regret having disappointed you.

=Reg.= Don't mention it. I willingly submit to the disappointment, since it has afforded me the pleasure of enjoying a few moments' quiet conversation with one whose amiable disposition and lofty sentiments command my profoundest respect and admiration.

=Adri.= You flatter me, sir!

=Reg.= Nay, Miss Lowville, believe me, I am sincere. I have watched the development of noble traits, the unfolding of a noble character prompted by a pure and loving heart; the expression of high and lofty thought--all of which impressions have sunk so deeply into my being that they seem a part of myself. Miss Lowville, I use no honeyed words, but I offer you the heart and hand of an honest man, who will love, honor and shield you through all the walks of life.

=Adri.= [_Rises._] Mr. Maitland, you honor me with the offer of such a noble heart as yours, and could I accept it, I should be proud to wear it in my bosom. Such noble love requires a noble love in return. But I cannot.

=Reg.= Perhaps--in time--

=Adri.= Alas! I cannot give you hope. But friends we shall ever be. [_REGINALD turns away._] Will you accept the hand of friendship?

=Reg.= Yes! Yes! Pardon me! Friends we shall always be. [=Exit= _ADRIENNE, R. 2 E._]

=Enter= _CORIOLANUS, R. 4 E._

=Cor.= Sir Reginald, your honored aunt awaits your coming in the conservatory.

=Reg.= I will attend her immediately. [=Exit= _REGINALD, R. 2 E._]

=Cor.= [_Coming down C._] Coriolanus, I am proud of you--you have acquitted yourself nobly--you have made an impression upon her maiden heart, I feel assured. She recognizes the true nobility that is hidden under the garb of the menial. How I hate these clothes! Oh! Anastasia, thou knowest true worth when thou see'st it. [_Walks to right._]

=Enter= _DOLLERCLUTCH, L. 4 E. Comes down C._

=Dol.= Well, I've got here at last, and if I can only manage to meet Hilda. But how shall I contrive to see her? [_Looks around and sees CORIOLANUS._] Ah! there's one of the servants! I'll question him. [_To CORIOLANUS._] Hey, there, you clown! Come here. [_CORIOLANUS turns._] Coriolanus, by all that is wonderful. Well, this is particularly gratifying. But, how is it that I find you here? Have you left the other place?

=Cor.= I am a visitor here! I have escorted Miss Maitland to the grand reception.

=Dol.= Oh! I thought you were going to say you owned this place. However, you are just the person to do me a little service. Run to the mansion and tell Miss Lowville's maid to step out here a moment, that a gentleman wishes to speak to her. [_CORIOLANUS about to go in high dudgeon._] Hold on! That won't do--it will attract attention--a few lines will be better. [_Pulls out tablet and writes._]

=Cor.= [_Aside._] I'm no common servant! Such impudence, to ask a gentleman like me. No, thank you! [=Exit= _in high dudgeon, R. 2 E._]

=Dol.= There, I guess that will do! [_Folding up note._]

=Enter= _ANASTASIA, R. 2 E._

=Dol.= Here, you clown, take this note and mind--

=Anas.= Sir!

=Dol.= The devil! [_Aside._] Where did that infernal rascal get to! [_To ANASTASIA._] I beg a million pardons, madam! [_Aside._] Confound that rascal! [_To ANASTASIA._] Pray pardon me, madam--a mistake, I assure you--mistook you for another.

=Anas.= Oh!

=Dol.= [_L. Aside._] What an amiable creature!

=Anas.= [_R. Aside._] What a charming personage, and so very polite--Hem!

=Dol.= Did you speak, madam?

=Anas.= Such a beautiful evening!

=Enter= _RALPH, L. 4 E. He pauses at C._

=Dol.= Why, yes! and doubly so since the arrival of such charming simplicity.

=Ralph.= Ha! ha! ha! [_Comes down C. ANASTASIA and DOLLERCLUTCH are startled. ANASTASIA_ =Exits= _R. 2 E., with great dignity._]

=Dol.= [_L._] Were you laughing at me, sir?

=Ralph.= Yes! at the picture of charming simplicity. Ha! ha! ha!

=Dol.= Hem! perhaps your name is Paul Pry?

=Ralph.= Perhaps it is! [_With a shrug._] If you have any grievance, there's my card. [_Hands him card, and is about to go._]

=Dol.= [_Looks at card. Aside._] Ralph Murdell?--the devil! [_To RALPH._] Well, I thought you were either a Paul Pry or a villainous rascal!

=Ralph.= [_Turns suddenly._] What did you say?

=Dol.= I say we are often mistaken. [_Crosses to R. Aside._] I'll keep my eyes on you, my fine bird. [=Exit= _R. 2 E._]

=Ralph.= [_Looking around._] Where is Hilda? I did not like the look in her eye! I must be careful, or she will upset all my plans. She comes.

=Enter= _HILDA, R. 2 E._

=Ralph.= You are late!

=Hil.= I am, sir! but not too late for what I have to say. Think you I will stand calmly by and witness your villainy and allow you to deceive another as you have basely deceived me? No! If I am not your wife in law, I am in the sight of Heaven, and I dare you to make another victim.

=Ralph.= [_L., aside._] I must pacify her somehow. [_To HILDA._] Hilda! [_Takes her hand and leads her to bench L. 3 E._ =Enter= _ADRIENNE in background R. 5 E. She listens behind statue L. 4 E._] I have repented saying those harsh words. I did not mean it. It was in anger I spoke.

=Hil.= Oh, Ralph! if I could only believe you.

=Ralph.= You can; and if you could but look into my heart you would know that you, and you only, are the one for whom its pulses beat.

=Enter= _REGINALD and ANASTASIA R. 2 E. ADRIENNE comes down C.
majestically. RALPH and HILDA rise. ANASTASIA R., REGINALD R. C.,
ADRIENNE C., RALPH L. C., HILDA L._

=Adri.= Reginald Maitland, you offered me your heart and hand and I refused. I have reconsidered my refusal. If you still honor me with the offer, I accept. [=Tableau.= =Enter= _all quickly. DOLLERCLUTCH, R. 3 E. CORIOLANUS, R. 2 E. SAMMY and ADOLPHUS, L. 3 E. HILDA and ANASTASIA faint. ANASTASIA falls into the arms of DOLLERCLUTCH. CORIOLANUS looks on with envy. SAMMY and ADOLPHUS try to support HILDA. Comic business. REGINALD accepts ADRIENNE'S hand eagerly. ADRIENNE, with heaving bosom, majestically defiant to RALPH. RALPH disconcerted._]

REG. ADRI.

DOLLER. RALPH.

ANAS. SAM., ADOL.

CORIO. HILDA.

_R._ _L._
_C._

=Quick Curtain.=