Chapter I: Always Think the Telegram Custom

ADDS SUCH A TONE--
TO CRICKET.
I WISH--
IT COULD--
BE--
INTRODUCED--
INTO--
RUGGER.]

THE CHARM OF VILLAGE CRICKET LIES TO A GREAT EXTENT IN THE STRESS IT PLACES ON THE INDIVIDUAL FACTOR. FOR INSTANCE, ONE KNOWS THAT, OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL, IF ONE HITS THE BALL DIRECTLY TOWARDS A--

FIELDER IN A CLOTH CAP ONE CAN RUN A SINGLE--

AND IF HE'S WEARING BRACES ONE CAN RUN TWO--

BUT IF HE'S GOT ON ONE OF THOSE FANCY SWEATERS ONE STAYS WHERE ONE IS.

SIMILARLY, A BELT WITH A SNAKE IN IT MEANS A SINGLE--

SO DOES A CLUB TIE--

WHEREAS A GENT'S FANCY BOW MEANS TWO.

ONE TAKES NO RISKS, OF COURSE, WITH A HANDKERCHIEF ROUND THE NECK--

BUT ONE GETS IN TWO FOR TROUSERS TUCKED INTO SOCKS--

STRETCHING IT TO THREE FOR A STRAW HAT--

AND FOUR FOR A BLACK WAISTCOAT--

WHILE FOR CUFFS BUTTONED AT THE WRIST--

OR A DICKEY ONE JUST BUNS IT OUT.

WITH SMALL BOYS IN SHORTS ONE NATURALLY TAKES NO CHANCES WHATEVER--

AS EVERYONE KNOWS THEY ARE APT TO BECOME SO CONFOUNDEDLY ENTHUSIASTIC.]

THE AMALGAMATED SOCIETY OF BAKERS IN GOOD KING ALFRED'S REIGN PROTESTS AGAINST THE EMPLOYMENT OF A NON-UNION MAN.

THE MARINER'S UNION THREATENS DIRECT ACTION IF KING CANUTE TAMPERS WITH THE TIDES.]

THE HOUSEHOLD STAFF OF THE BORGIAS DEMANDS TO BE PUT UPON BOARD WAGES.

JAMES WATT IS UNABLE TO CARRY OUT HIS EXPERIMENTS THROUGH A STRIKE OF THE EMPLOYEES OF THE LOCAL WATER COMPANY.]

"WHY, BLESS MY SOUL, AIN'T NONE OF YOU EVER BEEN THERE BEFORE?"]

"GOING FOR A WALK OVER THE HILLS? I'LL COME WITH YOU TO CHEER YOU UP.

TELL ME IF I GO TOO FAST FOR YOU. I CAN KEEP THIS PACE UP ALL DAY.

I DON'T MIND HOW FAR IT IS--I NEVER GET TIRED WALKING.

NICE WARM WEATHER, ISN'T IT?

I SAY, IT IS HOT!

OH, NO, THANKS. _I'M_ ALL RIGHT--ONLY JUST FEELING MY GROGGY LEG RATHER--

AND MY STIFF BACK.

NEVER BEEN QUITE RIGHT SINCE I HAD INFLUENZA SO BADLY THREE YEARS AGO--

THAT'S WHY THE DOCTOR SAID I MUST NEVER WALK MUCH.

IT'S REALLY MY OWN FAULT--