Chapter IX

JOURNEYS.--LETTERS.--JOURNEY TO NEW YORK.

The sense of loss and the state of depression under which Mr. Lawrence labored were so great, that he was advised to try a change of scene; and accordingly, after having placed his three children with kind relatives in the country, he left Boston, on a tour, which lasted some weeks, through the Middle States and Virginia. He wrote many letters during this time, describing the scenes which he daily witnessed, and particularly the pleasure which he experienced in Virginia from the unbounded hospitality with which he was welcomed by those with whom he had become acquainted. He also visited Washington, and listened to some important debates on the admission of Missouri into the Union, which produced a strong and lasting influence upon his mind respecting the great questions then discussed.

In a letter to his brother from the latter city, dated Feb. 25th, after describing a visit to the tomb of Washington at Mount Vernon, he writes:

"Friend Webster has taken a stand here which no man can surpass;
very few are able to keep even with him. He has made a wonderful
argument for the United States Bank. If he does not stand
confessedly first among the advocates here, he does not stand
second. Tell brother L. of this; it will do him good."

On March 30, he writes to his sister, after his return to Boston:

"I am once more near the remains of her who was lately more dear
to me than any other earthly object, after an absence of two
months; my health much improved,--I may say restored; my heart
filled with gratitude to the Author of all good for so many and
rich blessings, so rapidly succeeding such severe privations and
trials."

A few days later, he writes to his sister-in-law:

"Sunday evening, April 4, 1819.

"DEAR S.: It is proper that I should explain to you why my
feelings got so much the better of my reason at the celebration
of the sacrament this morning. The last time I attended that
service was with my beloved S., after an absence on her part of
fifteen months, during which period you well know what passed in
both our minds. On this occasion our minds and feelings were
elevated with devotion, and (as I trust) suitably affected with
gratitude to the Father of mercies for once more permitting her
to celebrate with her husband this memorial of our Saviour. Then,
indeed, were our hearts gladdened by the cheering prospect of her
returning health and continued life. The consideration that I had
since this period been almost within the purlieu of the grave,
that my beloved Sarah had fallen a sacrifice to her care and
anxiety for me, and that I was for the first time at the table
of the Lord without her, with a view to celebrate the most solemn
service of our religion, overwhelmed me as a torrent, and my
feelings were too powerful to be restrained; I was almost
suffocated in the attempt.

"Comment is unnecessary. God grant us a suitable improvement of
the scene!

"Your affectionate brother,
A. L."

On April 6, he writes to a friend in England:

"Since I last wrote, family misfortunes, of which you have from
time to time been apprised, have pressed heavily upon me. I am
now in tolerable health, and hope soon to see it entirely
confirmed."

After a visit to his parents, at Groton, he says, on April 9:

"I arrived at home last Saturday night, at eleven o'clock, after
rather an uncomfortable ride. However, I had the satisfaction on
Monday of exercising my right of suffrage, which, had I not done,
I should have felt unpleasantly. I wrote to M., on Tuesday, under
a depression of spirits altogether greater than I have before
felt. The effect of hope upon my feelings, before I saw the
little ones, was very animating; since that time (although I
found them all I could desire), the stimulus is gone, and I have
been very wretched. The principles I cherish will now have their
proper effect, although nature must first find its level. Do not
imagine I feel severely depressed all the time; although I
certainly have much less of animal spirits than I had before my
return, I do not feel positively unhappy. Under all the
circumstances it is thought best for me to journey. Hitherto, I
have experienced the kind protection of an almighty Friend; it
will not hereafter be withheld. Commending all dear friends and
myself to Him, I remain your truly affectionate brother,

"A. L."

To another sister he writes five days afterwards, before commencing a second journey:

"In a few moments I am off. I gladly seize the leisure they
furnish me, to tell you I feel well, and have no doubt of having
such a flow of spirits as will make my journey pleasant. At any
rate, I start with this determination. You know not, dear E., the
delight I feel in contemplating the situation of my little ones;
this (if no higher principle) should be sufficient to do away all
repining and vain regrets for the loss of an object so dear as
was their mother. In short, her own wishes should operate very
strongly against these regrets. I hope to be forgiven the
offence, if such it be; and to make such improvement of it as
will subserve the purposes of my heavenly Father, who doth not
willingly afflict the children of men, but for their improvement.
My prayer to God is, that the affliction may not be lost upon me;
but that it may have the effect of making me estimate more justly
the value of all temporal objects, and, by thus softening the
heart, open it to the kind influences of our holy religion, and
produce that love and charity well pleasing to our Father. I have
no object in view further south than Baltimore; from thence I
shall go across the Alleghanies, or journey through the interior
to the northern border of this country. At Baltimore I remain a
few days; my business there is as delegate from Brattle-street
Church, in the settlement of a minister, a young gentleman named
Sparks, from Connecticut."

(TO ABBOTT LAWRENCE.)

"PHILADELPHIA, April 26, 1819.

"DEAR BROTHER: When I see how people in other places are doing
business, I feel that we have reason to thank God that we are not
obliged to do as they do, but are following that regular and
profitably safe business that allows us to sleep well o' nights,
and eat the bread of industry and quietness. The more I see of
the changes produced by violent speculation, the more satisfied I
am that our maxims are the only true ones for a life together.
Different maxims may prove successful for a part of life, but
will frequently produce disastrous results just at the time we
stand most in need; that is, when life is on the wane, and a
family is growing around us.

"Two young brokers in ---- have played a dashing game. They have
taken nearly one hundred thousand dollars from the bank, without
the consent of the directors. A clerk discounted for them. They
have lost it by United States Bank speculations.

"Look after clerks well, if you wish to keep them honest. Too
good a reputation sometimes tempts men to sin, upon the strength
of their reputation.

"As to business, it must be bad enough; that is nothing new; but
patience and perseverance will overcome all obstacles, and,
notwithstanding all things look so dark, I look for a good year's
work.

"You must remember that I have done nothing yet, and I have never
failed of accomplishing more than my expectations; so I say
again, we will make a good year's work of it yet, by the blessing
of Heaven."

From Lancaster, Penn., April 29, he writes to his sister:

"My feelings are usually buoyant, except occasionally when
imagination wanders back to departed days; then comes over me a
shadow, which, by its frequency, I am now enabled to dispel
without violence, and even to dwell upon without injury."

(TO ABBOTT LAWRENCE.)

"BALTIMORE, May 25, 1819.

"DEAR BROTHER: I arrived in this city this morning, in the
steamboat, from Norfolk, and have found a number of letters from
you and brother W. From the present aspect of affairs in this
city, I fear that I shall make but a short stay. At no period has
the face of affairs been more trying to the feelings of the
citizens. Baltimore has never seen but two days which will
compare with last Friday: one of those was the mob day, the other
was the day of the attack by the British.

"Nearly one half the city, embracing its most active and hitherto
wealthiest citizens, have stopped or must stop payment.
Confidence is prostrated, capital vanished.

"I am rejoiced to hear of your easy situation, and hope it may
continue. Avoid responsibilities, and all is well with us. I am
in no wise avaricious, and of course care not whether we make
five thousand dollars more or less, if we risk twenty thousand to
do it.

"I have a high eulogium to pay the Virginians, which I must
reserve for another letter; as also an account of my travels from
Petersburg."

In a letter to a friend, dated at Baltimore, he says:

"Since I have been here, I have been constantly occupied; and,
although the heavy cloud which overhangs this city is discharging
its contents upon their heads, they bear it well, resolving
that, if they are poor, they will not be unsocial, nor uncivil,
and on this principle they meet in little groups, without much
style or ceremony, and pass sensible and sociable evenings
together.

"I have really become very much interested in some of the people
here.

"And now my advice to you is, get married, and have no fear about
the expense being too great. If you have two children born unto
you within a twelve-month, you will be the richer man for it.
Nothing sharpens a man's wits, in earning property and using it,
better than to see a little flock growing up around him. So I say
again, man, fear not."

On his return, it seems to have been his object to interest himself as much as possible in business, and thus endeavor to divert his mind from those painful associations, which, in spite of all his efforts, would sometimes obtain the mastery. In the mean time, he had given up his house, and resided in the family of his brother Abbott; where he was welcomed as an inmate, and treated with so much sympathy and considerate kindness, that his mind, after a time, recovered its tone: his health was restored, and he was once more enabled to give his full powers to the growing interests of his firm. For the few succeeding years, he was engaged in the usual routine of mercantile affairs, and has left but few memorials or letters, except those relating to his business. In the winter of 1820, he made a visit to New York, which he describes in his diary under date of February 15, 1846:

"Yesterday was one of the most lovely winter days. To-day the
snow drives into all the cracks and corners, it being a
boisterous easterly snow-storm, which recalls to my mind a
similar one, which I shall never forget, in February, 1820.

"I went to New York during that month, for the New England Bank,
with about one hundred thousand dollars in foreign gold, the
value of which by law at the mint was soon to be reduced from
eighty-seven to eighty-five cents per pennyweight, or about that.
I also had orders to buy bills with it, at the best rate I could.
Accordingly I invested it, and had to analyze the standing of
many who offered bills, as drawers or endorsers.

"Some of the bills were protested for non-acceptance, and were
returned at once, and damages claimed. This was new law in New
York, and resisted; but the merchants were convinced by suits,
and paid the twenty per cent. damages. The law of damage was
altered soon after.

"On my return, I took a packet for Providence, and came at the
rate of ten knots an hour for the first seven hours of the night.
I was alarmed by a crash, which seemed to me to be breaking in
the side of the ship, within a few inches of my head. I ran upon
deck, and it was a scene to be remembered. Beside the crew, on
board were the officers of a wrecked vessel from Portsmouth, N.
H., and some other old ship-masters, all at work, and giving
directions to a coaster, which had run foul of us, and had lost
its way. By favor and labor, we were saved from being wrecked;
but were obliged to land at some fifteen miles from Providence,
and get there as we could through the snow. I arrived there
almost dead with headache and sickness. Madam Dexter and her
daughter left the day before, and reached home in perfect safety
before the storm. Such are the scenes of human life! Here am I
enjoying my own fireside, while all who were then active with me
in the scenes thus recalled are called to their account,
excepting Philip Hone, M. Van Schaick, N. Goddard, Chancellor
Kent, and his son-in-law, Isaac Hone."