Chapter VI: Part 6

Some members of the gentleman's family, his nearest relations, should call upon the family of the lady, and they should return the call as soon as possible. It is by no means necessary that the two families should be intimate; there may be good and sufficient reasons why they should not be so; all that is necessary is the show of civility, which is included in the interchange of visits. If the family of the gentleman does not reside in the same city as that of the lady, the announcement of the engagement should be followed by letters from his parents or nearest relatives to the young lady herself or her parents. Kindly and cordial feeling should be the prevailing tone of such letters, and they must be answered at once.

Though it is often true that the gentleman who aspires to love one member of a family must make his account in loving all the rest in some degree, there is no necessity for such a display of amiability on the part of the lady.

It is customary for the gentleman to make some present to his fiancee soon after the engagement. The most elegant and desirable present is a handsome ring, "the engagement ring," which should be either of diamonds or pearls. The lady sometimes returns a similar ring, or the gentleman has two made exactly similar, each of the betrothed wearing one.

The first present must be made by the gentleman. It is very proper for this first present to be followed by gifts upon appointed days, as birthdays, Christmas, or New Year's Day, and the lady is at perfect liberty to return the compliment. It is considered more elegant for the gentleman to offer jewelry, the lady some gift which is the work of her own hands, as a handsome pair of embroidered slippers, a handkerchief with richly embroidered monograms, a cigar-case embroidered, or some similar gift.

When once the engagement is allowed, it is the custom to admit the gentleman into the intimate society of his newly-adopted relatives; he is looked upon as something more than a potential member of the family; he is implicitly trusted in every way.

It is a gross breach of good manners to omit the gentleman from any invitation in which his fiancee is included, and there are not many young ladies who would consent to accept such an invitation. There is, however, no rule of etiquette forbidding an engaged lady to do so, if she so desires.

In return for the membership which is accorded to him in the lady's family, the engaged man should show all possible deference towards the of members it, especially to the parents. Towards the sisters of his lady love, he should be kind; and generally attentive, and frank, and cordial in his intercourse with her brothers. If there are young children in the family, nothing will make him more popular with the older members than an occasional gift of toys or confectionery, or an excursion during the holidays with the schoolboys, who will readily swear allegiance, after such a trip, to "the man Emily is going to marry," or (vulgar little wretches that they are) to "Amelia's _beau_."

It is not according to the strict laws of etiquette for the brothers and sisters to call the new member at first by his Christian name. Much will depend on his age and his disposition. There are some people whom one can never address otherwise than formally, while with others it seems perfect nonsense to call them otherwise than by the most familiar term.

If not a positive requirement of etiquette, it is, at least, a politic thing to pay considerable attention to the future mother- in-law. To occupy a good place in her esteem and affection is to smooth many a furrow, which otherwise might trip one up in his walk over the tender ground that leads to matrimony.

An engaged man should never forget the exceedingly abnormal position he occupies with reference to the lady's family; the inconvenience his presence may occasion, and the amount of forbearance necessary on their parts to insure even a friendly status for him in the household. He should endeavor to repay this by a careful attention to the general rules of the family, and even to the particular fancies of the members; he should rigidly observe their hours for meals, and be careful not to stay later in the evening than the usual hour for the household to retire.

There should be the most perfect candor, on the gentleman's part, concerning the state of his financial affairs, and he should respectfully consider the worldly position of the family he is to enter, never doing anything to hurt their feelings, either by word or act, should their status be below his own, and never professing scorn or contempt for wealth or power, should their status be higher than his own.

During the arrangement of pecuniary matters, a young lady should endeavor to understand what is going on, receiving it in a right spirit. If she has a private fortune, she should, in all points left to her, be generous and confiding; at the same time, prudent. Many a man, she should remember, may abound in excellent qualities, and yet be improvident. He may mean to do well, yet have a passion for building; he may be the very soul of good nature, yet be fond of the gaming-table; he may have no wrong propensities, and yet have a confused notion of accounts, and be one of those unfortunate men who muddle away a great deal of money, no one knows how; or he may be a too strict economist, a man who takes too good care of the pence, till he tires his wife's life out about an extra dollar; or he may be facile, or weakly good-natured, and have a friend who preys on him, and for whom he is disposed to become security. Finally, the beloved Charles, Henry, or Reginald may have none of these propensities, but may chance to be an honest merchant, or a tradesman, with his floating capital in business, and a consequent risk of being one day rich, the next a pauper.

Upon every account, therefore, it is necessary for a young lady to have a settlement on her; and she should not, from a weak spirit of romance, oppose her friends who advise it, since it is for her husband's advantage as well as her own. By making a settlement, there is always a fund that cannot be touched--a something, however small, as a provision for a wife and children; and whether she have a fortune or not, this ought to be made. An allowance for dress should also be arranged; and this should be administered in such a way that a wife should not have to ask for it at inconvenient times, and thus irritate her husband.

Flirtations on either side should be avoided, not only as, matter of etiquette, but of humanity. No one who is really sincere in his professions will wish to inflict pain on the object of his affections. The same remark applies to the other side. Can it be anything but painful in the extreme for a really loving heart to see in the beloved one a tendency to trifle with the most sacred emotions of the heart?

It is not etiquette to make signal displays of devotion in public, or to be constantly sitting apart from the rest of the company; but, on the other hand, "the authorities" will do well to make occasions when the engaged pair can be by themselves, doing so, not ostentatiously, but rather doing it, without speaking of it or drawing attention to it. Nothing can make an engaged couple look more foolish, and feel more uncomfortable, than for the family to quit the room in which all have been sitting, with some such remark as: "Come away! Fanny and Mr. Amor want this room to themselves." Poor Fanny!

In equally bad taste is exclusiveness by the happy couple themselves. Their devotions should be reserved for a _tete-a- tete_, and women are generally in fault when it is otherwise. They like to exhibit their conquest; they cannot dispense with attentions; they forget that the demonstration of any peculiar condition of things in society must make some one uncomfortable: the young ladies are uncomfortable because they are not equally happy; the young gentlemen detest what they call nonsense; the old think there is a time for all things.

All sitting apart, therefore, and especial displays are in bad taste; and they so often accompany insincerity, that the truest affections are apt to be those which are reserved for the genuine and heartfelt intimacy of private interviews.

At the same time, airs of indifference and avoidance should be equally guarded against; since, however strong and mutual attachment may be, such a line of conduct is apt needlessly to mislead others, and so produce mischief. True feeling, and a ladylike consideration for others--a point in which the present generation essentially fails--are the best guides for steering between the extremes of demonstration, on the one hand, and of frigidity on the other.

It is the lady's exclusive privilege to appoint the wedding-day; and however impatient the lover, he must submit patiently to her decree upon this important point.

When the day is fixed, it is customary for the bridegroom to have ready for the occasion a handsome present, usually a parure of jewels, but governed, of course, by his means and generosity. In France, this gift is called the _corbeille de mariage_, and the rule there is to make its value ten per cent. of the bride's private fortune. It consists of a handsome basket or box, containing shawls, jewels, lace, furs, gloves, fans, and a purse containing a sum of money in _new_ gold pieces. This gift is always placed on exhibition with the rest of the wedding presents.

It is etiquette for wedding presents to be sent always to the _bride_, never to the bridegroom, though they be given by friends of the latter. They may be sent at any time during the week previous to the wedding-day, and it is customary to display them, handsomely arranged before the ceremony.

In sending out invitations to a wedding, there are two cards folded in the invitation in the envelope. The invitation is in the name of the bride's mother-or if she is not living, the relative or friend nearest the bride-and is as follows:

MRS. LEON CHURCH AT HOME, _Wednesday, October 24th,_ FROM 11 TILL 2 o'CLOCK. No. 74 L--- STREET.

The two cards, one large and one small, are folded in this, which is printed upon handsome note-paper. Upon the large card is engraved:

MR. AND MRS. T. L. BURNS.

On the smaller one:

MISS CAROLINE CHURCH.

If, however, there is no bridal reception on the wedding-day, but the young people "receive" after their return from the bridal tour, the card containing their joint names contains also the date of reception, as:

MR. AND MRS. T. L. BURNS AT HOME, _Wednesday, Novenber 17th,_ FROM 11 TILL 2 O'CLOCK. No. 614 --- STREET.

Or,

MR. AND MRS. T. L. BURNS AT HOME, _Wednesdays in Novemnber,_ FROM 11 TILL 2 O'CLOCK. No. 614 --- STREET.

The bridal calls are not expected to be returned until the last day of reception.

The bridegroom should give to the first groomsman the control of affairs, and the money for the necessary expenses. He it is who presents the snowy bouquet to the bride, the bridegroom making a similar offering to the bridesmaids. It is the first groomsman who leads the visitors up to the young couple for the words of congratulation. It is he who gives the clergyman his fee, who engages the carriages, and, in short, makes all arrangements. If, as is often the case, the whole bridal party go to the depot to see the happy pair start for the wedding trip, it is then the first groomsman who secures tickets, checks baggage, and secures pleasant seats for the Benedict and bride. It is his duty, also, to send the notice of the marriage to the newspapers. In England but one groomsman, or "best man," is allowed to a bridal party, though the bridesmaids may number a dozen, but in this country one groomsman is allowed for every bridesmaid.

If the wedding takes place in church, it is customary to reserve the front seats in the body of the church for the relatives of the young couple.

It is the height of rudeness for _any one_, whether clergyman, bridegroom, or any member of the bridal train, to keep the bride waiting. The clergyman should be within the rails, the bridegroom and groomsmen should be in the vestry-room, by the time bride is due at the church. The bridesmaids may receive the bride in the vestibule, or may accompany her to the church.

The bridal party should meet in the vestry-room. Then the bride, leaning on the arm of her father, heads the procession; the bridegroom, with the bride's mother upon his arm, follows; then groomsmen and bridesmaids in couples follow.

At the altar, the bridegroom receives the bride, and the ceremony begins. The groomsmen stand behind the bridegroom, the bridesmaids behind the bride. The bride and bridegroom remove the right hand- glove in some churches; in others it is not deemed necessary. The bride stands on the left of the groom.

When the wedding takes place at the house of the bride, it is customary to divide the room, either by folding doors or a curtain, and allow the bridal party to be grouped before their friends see them. If, however, this is not convenient, they enter in the same order as in church. It is somewhat customary of late for the bride and groom to walk arm-in-arm to the altar; but it is against established etiquette; the bride should walk with her father, or, if orphaned, with whoever takes the father's place on the occasion.

Where a ring is used, it is the duty of the first bridesmaid to remove the bride's left-hand glove.

After the ceremony, the parents of the bride speak to her first; then the parents of the bridegroom before other friends. After the ceremony, the bride and groom go in the same carriage from the church to the house, or from the house to the railway depot.

If there is a breakfast or supper, the bride does not change her dress until she assumes her travelling dress.

If parties are given to the bride and groom, the groomsmen and bridesmaids must be also invited, and, if they prefer, all may wear the dress worn at the wedding. This is, however, optional.

During the fortnight following a wedding, friends of the family should call upon the mother of the bride.

It is contrary to etiquette to wear mourning to a wedding. Even in the case of a widowed mother to either of the happy pair, it is customary to wear gray, or some neutral tint, upon the wedding- day, even if the deepest mourning is resumed afterwards.

The bridal dress and the costume of the bridesmaids are not matters that come so much within the province of etiquette as of the fashions, which vary as the winds. All that etiquette requires is that good taste shall guide the whole of the arrangements. Pure white is the only color worn by the young bride, and the full veil of lace, with wreath of orange flowers, is _de rigueur_; but for a widow, pearl-color or tinted silk, without any veil or wreath, is better. If the bride is a maiden no longer young, it is not in good taste to wear the dress of a youthful bride. White gloves, vests, and ties are demanded for the bridegroom and groomsmen. The bridesmaids may wear colors, but a prettier effect is produced by dresses of pure white, with trimmings only of color. The travelling dress of a bride should be very modest in color and fashion, as it is in extremely bad taste to draw attention to the _bride_ when travelling.

It is not etiquette, at a wedding or wedding reception, to congratulate the bride; it is the bridegroom who receives congratulations; the bride, wishes for her future happiness. A gentleman or lady who is acquainted with both bride and groom must speak first to the bride; but if a stranger to either, may first speak to the one with whom he is already acquainted, who will then introduce the other. If a stranger to both bride and groom, the first groomsman must make the introduction.

ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS.

IN the baptisms of infants there are certain customs in the world of good society, independent of the religious ceremonies. A few hints will suffice, as each sect has its own peculiar forms known to the members of that church; we do not profess to guide these, but merely the worldly observances.

It is not customary to invite mere acquaintances to be godfather or godmother to an infant; these should be tried friends of long standing, or better still, near relations, to whom the obligations thus imposed will be pleasures and not tasks.

Never invite any friends to be godfather or godmother, who are not of the same church as the child to be baptized.

When you are invited to stand godfather or godmother to an infant, never refuse without grave cause, and then do so immediately, that the parents may have time to make other arrangements.

It is unkind, as well as impolite, to refuse to act in this capacity towards children who, from poverty or other reasons, may occupy an inferior position in society to your own.

It is customary to allow the godmother to select herself the godfather.

It is, however, customary for the maternal grandmother and the paternal grandfather to act as sponsors for the first child; the paternal grandmother and the maternal grandfather as sponsors for the second child. If the grand-parents are not living, the nearest relatives of the same church should be invited.

It is customary for the sponsors to make the babe a present. If it is a little boy, the godfather gives a silver cup, with the full name engraved upon it, and the godmother some pretty piece of silver, jewelry, or dress. If a little girl, it is the godmother who gives the cup, and the godfather the other gift. Where the sponsors are wealthy, it is not unusual to fill the christening- cup with gold pieces. The godmother often adds to her gift the christening robe and cap, both trimmed with white ribbons--for a babe should wear only pure white when presented for baptism.

It is contrary to etiquette to invite young persons to stand as sponsors for an infant.

In the Roman Catholic church, it is customary to baptize an infant as soon as possible. If the child is very delicate, it is customary to send at once for the priest, and have the ceremony per formed in the bed-room; but if the babe is healthy and likely to live, it is usually taken to the church for baptism, as young as the physician will permit.

In entering the church, the nurse, carrying the child, goes first; then follow the sponsors, who do not walk arm-in-arm; then the father, and after him the invited guests.

When the ceremony commences, the sponsors stand on each side of the child, the godfather on the right, and the godmother on the left.

The babe should be held lying in the arms of the nurse, its head upon the right arm. The cap should be tied so as to be easily unfastened and removed.

When the priest asks who are the sponsors of the child, it is sufficient for them to incline the head, without speaking.

Baptism is a gratuitous ceremony in the church, but it is customary for the father to present some token to the officiating clergyman, in the name of the babe, or, where parents are wealthy, to make a handsome donation to the poor of the parish, through the clergyman.

In the Protestant churches, it is customary to defer the baptism until the mother of the child can be present.

It is always desirable to have the ceremony performed in the church, if possible; but if there is a necessity for it, such as the illness of the child or the parents, it can take place in the house of the parents, by their special request.

No one should ever offer to act as sponsor for a child. It is the privilege of the parents to make the selection amongst their relatives or friends.

If the ceremony is performed at the house of the parents, a carriage must be sent to the house of the clergyman to convey him to the house of the parents, and wait until after the ceremony, to convey him home again. It is extremely rude to expect a clergyman to provide his own conveyance, or to walk.

Friends invited to a christening usually carry some gift to the babe; gentlemen a gift of silver, and ladies some pretty piece of needlework.

If the ceremony is performed in the house of the parents, or if the guests return there from the church, the only refreshments required by etiquette are cake and wine.

The father of the child usually gives a present of money to the nurse who carries the babe to the church.

It is not etiquette to remain long at a christening; and it is better taste for the infant to be removed to the nursery as soon as the ceremony is over. To keep a weary mother sitting up entertaining guests, or a cross, tired child on exhibition, are either of them in bad taste.

For a guest to show any annoyance if a child cries loudly, or is in any way troublesome, is the height of rudeness. Remarks or even frowns are forbidden entirely, even if the infant screams so as to make the voice of the clergyman entirely inaudible.

Etiquette requires that the babe be praised if it is shown to the guests, even if it is a little monster of pink ugliness. Ladies, especially mothers, will _see_ something beautiful, if only its helpless innocence, and gentlemen must behold infantile graces, if they cannot actually behold them. "Mother's darling" must be the great attraction at a christening, if it only improves the occasion by a succession of yells.

ETIQUETTE FOR FUNERALS.

WHEN the saddest of all the ceremonies of this life calls forth the sympathy of friends and relatives, there are many little points the observance of which evinces a delicate consideration for the mourners, and a respect for the melancholy occasion.

In entering the house of mourning, a gentleman must remove his hat in the hall, and not replace it while in the house.

Loud talking in the chamber of death is a rudeness which shows not only a want of respect for the dead, but a want of consideration for the grief of the survivors.

All quarrels must be forgotten in the presence of death. Enemies who meet at a funeral are bound by etiquette, if not by feeling, to salute each other with quiet gravity.

Whilst the body of the dead remains in the house, no visitor must expect to see the members of the bereaved family, and no offence may be taken if admission is refused to the nearest friends.

The formalities necessary upon the death of a member of a family entail upon the survivors many painful interviews, many directions, and often most harrowing discussions. It is, therefore, customary to entrust these details to some relative or friend, who, while near enough to carefully direct the affairs, is yet able to bear the trying details better than the members of the immediate family. It is best to select some one accustomed to the discharge of this duty, and more prudent to name a limit for the expenses.

Where there are no funeral arrangements made in the will, the person taking this charge may ask one interview with the nearest relative, but after that, relieve them of all care in the matter. If there is no friend who can undertake these trying duties, it is then customary to make the undertaker the master of the painful ceremonies.

To surround the funeral ceremonies with great parade and pomp is usually more of a vain and ostentatious display than an act of respect towards the dead; at the same time, any meanness or parsimony is in bad taste. The expenses should be governed by the position of the deceased, and the means of the survivors.

If invitations are sent out, it is customary to have a number printed, and sent to the friends. The following is the usual form:

"You are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of J. J. C, on Wednesday, the 24th of May, 18-, at 10 o'clock A.M., from his late residence, No. 174 street. To proceed to Laurel Hill Cemetery."

Or, if the services are not at the house:

"You are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of J. J. C, from the church of the Incarnation, on Wednesday, the 24th of May, at 10 o'clock A.M. To proceed to Laurel Hill Cemetery."

It is contrary to the rules of etiquette to send these invitations by post.

A list of the persons invited must be given to the person directing the funeral ceremonies, and he will give the undertaker a list of the order in which the guests are to be placed in the carriages, if the funeral leaves the city, or the order of the procession if the guests go to the grave on foot.

If the invitation is given through the newspapers, the words "Without further notice" must be added, and the guests will not expect another invitation. The list is then omitted, and no especial order observed in placing the guests in carriages or procession.

Guests invited to a funeral must not present themselves before the hour appointed, when the corpse is generally exposed for the last gaze of the friends. It is customary for the family to pay their last visit to the coffin just before that hour, and all intrusion is against the customs of society.

The corpse usually is exposed in a drawing-room, and the family assemble in another apartment, if the services are to be conducted in church, and the guests go from the house there. If, however, the guests are invited to meet the funeral in church, the coffin is usually placed in front of the chancel, with the lid removed, and friends pass, from the _feet to the head_, up one aisle and down another, after the services are over.

If the guests assemble at the house of the deceased, it is customary for some near relative, not of the immediate family, to receive them, and do the honors of the occasion.

The ladies of the family are never expected to see the guests at a funeral; but it is optional with the gentlemen. Strict etiquette at the present day denies the ladies of the family the privilege of following the corpse from the house; but it is a custom "more honored in the breach than in the observance."

When the funeral procession is ready to start, the clergyman leaves the house first, and enters a carriage, which precedes the hearse. Then follows the coffin, which is placed in the hearse; the next carriage is for the immediate family and relatives. Guests stand uncovered while these mourners pass them, no salutation being expected.

The gentleman who does the honors should precede the family as they pass from their room to the carriages, assist them in, close the door, and motion the driver to move slowly forward, and to the next carriage to drive up to the door.

The same order is observed at the church door, where the master of ceremonies assists the mourners to leave and re-enter the carriages.

When the private carriage of the deceased follows the hearse, it should be empty, and precede the other carriages.

If the friends go on foot, and the weather is cold, the gentlemen may wear their hats; but if the weather is mild, it is customary to walk uncovered, with the hat in the right hand.

If the hat is worn, it must be removed as the coffin passes from the hearse to the church, when the guests form a double line, down which it is carried, and the same line and observance must be made after the service, as the coffin is carried from the church to the hearse again.

If lady friends attend a funeral, if they are not in mourning, they should wear grave, quiet colors. To go to a funeral in a gay dress is insulting.

Upon the coffin of an infant or young person, it is customary to place a wreath of white flowers.

Upon the coffin of a married person, a cross of white flowers is usually placed.

Upon the coffin of an army or navy officer, the hat, epaulets, sword, and sash are placed, and it is customary to use the flag to cover the coffin.

A sufficient number of carriages should be provided to carry all invited guests to the cemetery. At the cemetery, the priest or clergyman walks in advance of the coffin, and the others alight from the carriages and stand around the grave.

After the carriages leave the cemetery, it is not customary for the guests to return to the house of the mourners; but each may, on re-entering the carriage, direct the driver, in a low tone, where to drive him.

The family physician, if able to attend the funeral, should have a seat in the carriage following that of the immediate family.

The carriage must be sent for the priest or clergyman in time for him to be punctually at the house at the appointed hour.

If gifts of flowers are sent to the mourners, they must be white only, and sent on the day of the funeral early enough to be used in the decoration of the coffin.

If pall-bearers are invited, they must be immediate friends of the deceased.

It is a foreign custom of much beauty and significance to select young children for pall-bearers for infants and children, dressing them in white, and draping the coffin in white, trimmed with silver fringe and cords.

If gloves and crape bands are distributed to the gentlemen guests, they must be handed them when they first enter the house. It is a gross violation of etiquette to make any selection in such cases; nobody expects to have gloves so given as to fit the hands; but they must be worn. It is far more elegant to present yourself already provided with black kid gloves on your hands, and allow the undertaker to provide you only with the crape.

Friends in deep mourning are not expected to pay visits of condolence, and are excused from accepting funeral invitations; but all others are expected to accept them. It is but a poor compliment to your friends to attend their dinners, receptions, balls, and parties, and refuse to be present when they are in affliction, or to pay the last act of respect to the memory of those they love.

During the week following a funeral, friends should leave their cards for the family of the deceased, and call again about a fortnight later, asking then to see the members of the family.

It is not customary to ask to see the family of a deceased friend before the funeral; but cards should be sent, and offers of service sent by note.

The lady friend nearest the family, or a relative not of the immediate family, is the proper person to purchase the mourning for the ladies of the family, and the gentleman friend or relative that for the gentlemen.

No member of the immediate family of the deceased should leave the house between the death and the funeral upon any errand or pretext.

At the funeral of a mounted officer, his horse, fully equipped, and draped in mourning, should be led by a servant after the hearse.

If the deceased belonged to any society, as Free Masons, Odd Fellows, or such organization, the society should be invited through a note sent to the President, and they will send word to the master of ceremonies if there is any especial order in which they wish to follow the corpse, or any form or ceremony peculiar to that order which they would like observed. These invitations, if given through the newspapers, should carefully specify the lodge or order to which the deceased belonged. The regalia in such cases is usually displayed on the coffin-lid, but removed before the coffin leaves the house.

White plumes are customary on the hearse of a young person, and black ones for married and elderly people.

It is not customary to send invitations to the funeral of a person who has died of contagious disease, and the statement of the malady in the newspapers is generally accepted by the friends as an excuse for the omission of invitations.

In visiting a cemetery, it is an act of rudeness to stand near a lot where mourners are assembled, or in any way to notice those who are decorating the graves of friends. No time can be named when the delicate attentions and observances of etiquette are more grateful than when sorrow is heavy on the heart,

ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO.

THERE are a few rules of etiquette applicable to visitors to artists' studios, which it will be well to note, the more so because they are special, and might not suggest themselves, as a matter of course, even to those to whom Nature presented the whole code of etiquette when she gave them a gentle disposition.

It is not etiquette to ask an artist the price of his pictures at sight.

If a visitor sees a painting or a piece of statuary which he wishes to possess, he asks simply that he may have the refusal of it; or he says to the artist: "I wish to have this picture, if it is not disposed of." After leaving the studio, the visitor writes and asks the price, of which he is informed by the artist, in writing. Should the price be larger than the would-be purchaser is disposed to give, he writes again to that effect, and it is no breach of etiquette to name the sum which he wished to spend upon the work of art. This gives an opportunity to the artist of lowering his price.

It is not customary, however, to haggle about the sum, and the correspondence should not be carried farther than above, except it be an intimation from the artist that he will accept the terms of the purchaser, and that the picture is subject to his order, and will be sent to him on further instructions.

Some portrait painters have a practice which, for obvious reasons, cannot be adopted by painters of general subjects. They have a card hung up in a conspicuous part of the studio, showing the price at which they will execute portraits of the sizes given. At the bottom of this card there is generally an intimation that half the price must be paid after the first sitting, the remainder when the portrait is completed.

This practice saves time and trouble, and it would be well if other artists could adopt some system whereby the price of such paintings as they may have for sale might be made known to visitors. But the price of a fancy picture is to be ascertained by the artist only by what it will bring, and it is quite likely that the wealth of the buyer, or his known admiration for good paintings, may reasonably make a difference in the sum asked by the artist, who might ask a lower price of a man whom he knew could not afford so much. There is nothing wrong in this, for an artist has as much right to get as much more than the minimum price of his picture as anybody else has to get the best price for his labor or his merchandise.

Portrait painting is, however, pretty much a repetition of the same sort of work, and the artist would be the last man in the world to admit that there could be such difference in the execution of the work as to warrant a scale of prices in conformity therewith.

It is not etiquette to visit the studio of an artist excepting by special invitation, and then only at the hours he may appoint. To go at any other time is ill-bred; for although he may be there, he will probably be unwilling to be disturbed at his work.

It is ill-bred to take a young child to visit the studio of an artist, as there are generally articles there of value and easily broken or soiled; and even if the child is well trained, the owner of such articles would be in terror lest they should be ruined.

It is excessively ill-bred to criticize harshly, in the presence of an artist, the works displayed in his studio. Extravagant praise is also in bad taste. A few cordial words of praise and pleasure should, of course, be spoken, and a friend may sometimes point out where improvements could be made; but it is a thankless task generally, and it is in much better taste to leave all criticism to the public journals, when the paintings are on public exhibition.

It is against the rules of etiquette to keep an artist waiting, if you are sitting for a portrait. His time is of value to him, whatever yours may be to you; and it is equally rude to detain him after the sitting is over. His politeness may hinder him from even hinting to you that you are trespassing upon his hours for work, though he may be fretting silently at your rudeness in so doing.

It is contrary to the rules of etiquette to look around a studio in which you may be sitting for a portrait, unless you are invited by an artist to do so. It is against the rules of etiquette to ask to see an unfinished picture, even if it is one that is being painted by your own order.

To uncover any picture or article in a studio that may be veiled or hidden from view is extremely rude. It is equally so to turn a picture that is hung to face the wall, or standing facing it.

Gentlemen must never smoke in a studio, unless especially invited by the artist to do so.

To whisper in a studio is excessively ill-bred; for although you may make a remark entirely independent of what is around you, you may rest assured you will have the credit of having ridiculed or censured some of the pictures you have been invited to examine.

To behave in a studio as if you were in a store, pricing pictures, inquiring about what is for public exhibition, what is not; who ordered this picture or that; whose portrait this or that may be; or in any way reminding the artist that his genius is merchandise, is rude and indelicate.

It is against the rules of etiquette to handle the pictures or other articles in a studio.

It is extremely rude, if an artist continues his employment during a visit to his studio, for the visitor to stand behind him, or very near him, or in any way to seem to watch his work.

TABLE ETIQUETTE.

IT is impossible for a lady or gentleman to act with perfect ease and graceful manner at table when in company, at a hotel or any public place, unless they habitually pay attention to those minor points of etiquette, which form so distinctive a mark of perfectly good breeding. Habitual neglect of the courtesies and etiquette of the table will make them appear awkward restraints upon occasions when they are important. If the father or mother of a family accustom the children, by example as well as precept, to be attentive and polite to each other at every meal, they need never fear that they will shame them by rudeness or awkwardness when they go abroad.

Even when a person habitually eats alone, it is better to do so gracefully and with attention to the rules of etiquette, that habits of awkwardness may not be formed, which it will be difficult to shake off when in company.

To make noises when eating, sucking soup with a gurgling sound, chewing meat noisily, swallowing as if with an effort, smacking the lips, or breathing heavily while masticating food, are all marks of low breeding.

It is a bad habit to put large pieces of food into the mouth. If you are addressed suddenly with your mouth so filled, you are obliged to make an awkward pause before answering, or to run the risk of choking by swallowing the great mouthful too hastily.

Never open the napkin entirely, but let it lie on the lap, partly folded.

Sit neither very near nor very far from the table.

It is rude to move your arms at table so as to incommode those on either side of you.

Ladies should, after seating themselves, endeavor to draw their skirts into a space that will not crowd those seated beside them.

To lean back in the chair is rude, and surely no gentleman would ever be guilty of tipping his chair at table. Sit erect, not stiffly, but in an easy position.

Bread must always be broken, never cut, and certainly never bitten.

If a plate is sent to you filled with the food you have selected, keep it, as others may not have the same choice; if the plate contain one dish, such as pie or pudding, you may pass it on to those beside you, and wait till others above you are served before reserving a plate for yourself.

To eat very fast is inelegant; to eat very slowly bears an air of affectation. Try to preserve the happy medium.

It is a good plan to accustom yourself to eat with the left hand, and thus avoid shifting your knife and fork from one hand to the other.

A gentleman will always see that ladies are served before eating himself,

Avoid making any noise on your plate with your knife and fork.

It is against all rules of etiquette to soak up gravy with bread, to scrape up sauce with a spoon, or to take up bones with the fingers.

Never cross the knife and fork on a plate until you have finished eating. Never hold your knife and fork erect in your hands at each side of your plate, when conversing at the table.

Never ask for a second helping. It is the duty of those at the head and foot of the table to offer it.

To blow soup to cool it, or to pour tea or coffee into a saucer for the same purpose, are acts of awkwardness never seen in polite society. Wait until they are cool enough to be pleasant.

Use the salt-spoon, butter-knife, and sugar-tongs even when you are alone.

If you want to cough, sneeze, or blow your nose, leave the table. If you have not time, turn away your head, and lean back in your chair.

To pass a plate with a knife or fork upon it, or a cup with a spoon in it, are acts of rudeness. Put your spoon in the saucer, and your knife and fork on the table, until you are served.

Never hurry away from the table as soon as you finish eating, if others remain to converse. If you are obliged to leave before a meal is finished or immediately after, ask to be excused for so doing, and apologize for the necessity.

Never mention at the table any subject that is likely to disgust others. It is a piece of rudeness only too common, and is to be severely censured. Many who are utterly without affectation are really sensitive on such points, and their meal and comfort are both spoiled if disgusting associations are suggested at table.

At home, if you use a napkin-ring, fold your napkin and replace it in the ring when you have done with it. If you are dining out, never fold your napkin, but place it beside your plate.

None but a clown would use the table-cloth for a napkin, pick his teeth with his fork, put his fingers in his plate, or wipe his face with his napkin.

If you are unfortunate enough to find anything disgusting in your food--a hair in the soup, a coal in the bread, a worm in the fruit, or a fly in your coffee--do not loudly exclaim, or disturb the appetite of others by mention of your mishap. Remove the disgusting object quietly, or change your cup or plate without remark.

The French poet, Delille, tells of an interview between himself and Marmoutel, which rather humorously points out how table etiquette may change.

Delille and Marmoutel were dining together, in the month of April, 1786; and the conversation happened to turn upon dinner table customs. Marmoutel observed how many little things a well-bred man was obliged to know, if he would avoid being ridiculous at the table of his friends.

"They are, indeed, innumerable," said Delille, "and the most annoying fact of all is, that not all the wit and good sense in the world can help one to divine them untaught. A little while ago, for instance, the Abbe Cosson, who is Professor of Literature at College Mazarin, was describing to me a grand dinner to which he had been invited at Versailles, and to which he had sat down in the company of peers, princes, and marshals of France.

"'I'll wager now,' said I,'that you committed a hundred blunders in the etiquette of the table.'

"'How so?' replied the Abbe, somewhat nettled. 'What blunders could I make? It seems to me that I did precisely as others did.'

"'And I, on the contrary, would stake my life that you did nothing as others did. But let us begin at the beginning, and see which is right. In the first place, there was your table napkin--what did you do with that when you sat down to table?'

"'What did I do with my table napkin? Why, I did like the rest of the guests: I shook it out of the folds, spread it before me, and fastened one corner to my button-hole.'

"'Very well, _mon cher_, you were the only person who did so. No one shakes, spreads, and fastens a table napkin in that manner. You should have only laid it across your knees. What soup had you?'

"'Turtle.'

"'And how did you eat it ?'

"'Like every one else, I suppose. I took my spoon in one hand and my fork in the other.'

"'Your fork? Good heavens! None but a savage eats soup with a fork. But go on. What did you take next?'

"'A boiled egg.'

"'Good. And what did you do with the shell?'

"'Not eat it, certainly. I left it, of course, in the egg-cup.'

"'Without breaking it through with your spoon?'

"'Without breaking it.'

"'Then, my dear fellow, permit me to tell you that no one eats an egg without breaking the shell, and leaving the spoon standing in it. And after your egg?'

"'I asked for some _boulli_.'

"'For _boulli_!' It is a term that no one uses. You should have asked for beef; never for _bouilli_. Well, and after the _bouilli_?'

"'I asked the Abbe de Badenvillais for some fowl.'

"'Wretched man! Fowl indeed! You should have asked for chicken or capon. The word "fowl" is never heard out of the kitchen. But all this applies only to what you ate; tell me something of what you drank, and how you asked for it.'

"'I asked for Champagne and Bordeaux from those who had the bottles before them.'

"'Know, then, my good friend, that only a waiter, who has no time or breath to spare, asks for Champagne or Bordeaux. A gentleman asks for Vin de Champagne and Vin de Bordeaux. But now inform me how you ate your bread.'

"'Undoubtedly like all the rest of the world: I cut it up into small square pieces with my knife.'

"'Then let me tell you that no one cuts bread; you should always break it. Let us go on to the coffee. How did you drink yours?'

"'Pshaw! At least, I could make no mistake in that. It was boiling hot; so I poured it, a little at a time, in the saucer, and drank it as it cooled.'

"'_Eh bien_! Then you assuredly acted as no other gentleman in the room. Nothing can be more vulgar than to pour tea or coffee into a saucer. You should have waited till it cooled, and then have drunk it from the cup. And now you see, my dear cousin, that so far from doing precisely as the others did, you acted in no one respect according to the laws prescribed by etiquette.'"

ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN.

IT is against the rules of strict etiquette to take a child when making formal calls, as they are a restraint upon conversation, even if they are not troublesome about touching forbidden articles, or teasing to go home.

Never take a child to a funeral, either to the house of mourning or to the cemetery.

Never allow a child to take a meal at a friend's house without special invitation. It is impossible to know how much she may be inconvenienced, while her regard for the mother would deter her from sending the little visitor home again.

Never allow a child to handle goods in a store.

Never send for children to meet visitors in the drawing-room, unless the visitors themselves request to see them. Make their stay then very brief, and be careful that they are not troublesome.

Never take a child to church until it is old enough to remain perfectly quiet. Although you may be accustomed to its restless movements, and not disturbed by them, others near you will certainly feel annoyed by them.

It is not etiquette to put a child to sleep in the room of a guest, nor to allow children to go at all to a guest's room, unless especially invited to do so, and even then to make long stay there.

Etiquette excludes children from all companies given to grown persons, from all parties and balls, excepting such as are given especially given for their pleasure.

When invited to walk or drive, never take a child, unless it has been invited, or you have requested permission to do so; even in the latter case, the consent is probably given more from good nature than from any desire to have a juvenile third to the party.

Never crowd children into pic-nic parties, if they have not been invited. They generally grow weary and very troublesome before the day is over.

Never take a child to spend the day with a friend unless it has been included in the invitation.

Never allow children to be in the drawing room if strangers are present.

Never allow children to handle the ornaments in the drawing room of a friend.

Never allow a child to pull a visitor's dress, play with the jewelry or ornaments she may wear, take her parasol or satchel for a plaything, or in any way annoy her.

Train children early to answer politely when addressed, to avoid restless, noisy motions when in company, and gradually inculcate a love of the gentle courtesies of life. By making the rules of etiquette habitual to them, you remove all awkwardness and restraint from their manners when they are old enough to go into society.

Never send a child to sit upon a sofa with grown people, unless they express a desire to have it do so.

Never crowd a child into a carriage seat between two grown people.

Never allow a child to play with a visitor's hat or cane.

If children are talented, be careful you do not weary your friends, and destroy their own modesty by "showing them off," upon improper occasions. What may seem wonderful to an interested mother, may be an unutterable weariness to a guest, too polite to allow the mother to perceive the incipient yawn.

Never allow children to visit upon the invitation of other children. When they are invited by the older members of the family, it is time to put on their "best bibs and tuckers."

Never take children to a house of mourning, even if you are an intimate friend.

The custom for having children in the drawing-room for morning or evening parties, or in the dining-room with the dessert at dinner companies, is not only often an annoyance to the guests, but bad for the children themselves.

It is one of the first duties of parents to train their children at home as they would have them appear abroad. An English lady writes thus: