Chapter II: Introduction (1)

An earlier edition of §Gleanings§ having attracted the hearty approval of a limited circle of that class of readers who prefer “a running banquet that hath much variety, but little of a sort,” the present publisher requested the preparation of an enlargement of the work. In the augmented form in which it is now offered to the public, the contents will be found so much more comprehensive and omnifarious that, while it has been nearly doubled in size, it has been more than doubled in literary value.

Miscellanea of the omnium-gatherum sort appear to be as acceptable to-day as they undoubtedly were in the youthful period of our literature, though for an opposite reason. When books were scarce, and costly, and inaccessible, anxious readers found in “scripscrapologia” multifarious sources of instruction; now that books are like the stars for multitude, the reader who is appalled by their endless succession and variety is fain to receive with thankfulness the cream that is skimmed and the grain that is sifted by patient hands for his use. Our ancestors were regaled with such olla-podrida as “The Gallimaufry: a Kickshaw [Fr. _quelque chose_] Treat which comprehends odd bits and scraps, and odds and ends;” or “The Wit’s Miscellany: odd and uncommon epigrams, facetious drolleries, whimsical mottoes, merry tales, and fables, for the entertainment and diversion of good company.” To the present generation is accorded a wider field for excursion, from the Curiosities of Disraeli, and the Commonplaces of Southey, to the less ambitious collections of less learned collaborators.

“Into a hotch-potch,” says Sir Edward Coke, “is commonly put not one thing alone, but one thing with other things together.” The present volume is an expedient for grouping together a variety which will be found in no other compilation. From the nonsense of literary trifling to the highest expression of intellectual force; from the anachronisms of art to the grandest revelations of science; from selections for the child to extracts for the philosopher, it will accommodate the widest diversity of taste, and furnish entertainment for all ages, sexes, and conditions. As a pastime for the leisure half-hour, at home or abroad; as a companion by the fireside, or the seaside, amid the hum of the city, or in the solitude of rural life; as a means of relaxation for the mind jaded by business activities, it may be safely commended to acceptance.

The aim of this collation is not to be exhaustive, but simply to be well compacted. The restrictive limits of an octavo require the winnowings of selection in place of the bulk of expansion. Gargantua, we are told by Rabelais, wrote to his son Pantagruel, commanding him to learn Greek, Latin, Chaldaic, and Arabic; all history, geometry, arithmetic, music, astronomy, natural philosophy, etc., “so that there be not a river in the world thou dost not know the name and nature of all its fishes; all the fowls of the air; all the several kinds of shrubs and herbs; all the metals hid in the bowels of the earth, all gems and precious stones. I would furthermore have thee study the Talmudists and Cabalists, and get a perfect knowledge of man. In brief, I would have thee a bottomless pit of all knowledge.” While this book does not aspire to such Gargantuan comprehensiveness, it seeks a higher grade of merit than that which attaches to those who “chronicle small beer,” or to him who is merely “a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles.”

Quaint old Burton, in describing the travels of Paulus Emilius, says, “He took great content, exceeding delight in that his voyage, as who doth not that shall attempt the like? For peregrination charms our senses with such unspeakable and sweet variety, that some count him unhappy that never traveled, a kind of prisoner, and pity his case that from his cradle to his old age beholds the same still; still, still, the same, the same.” It is the purpose of these §Gleanings§ to compass such “sweet variety” by conducting the reader here, through the green lanes of freshened thought, and there, through by-paths neglected and gray with the moss of ages; now, amid cultivated fields, and then, adown untrodden ways; at one time, to rescue from oblivion fugitive thoughts which the world should not “willingly let die,” at another, to restore to sunlight gems which have been too long “underkept and down supprest.” The compiler asks the tourist to accompany him, because with him, as with Montaigne and Hans Andersen, there is no pleasure without communication, and though all men may find in these Collectanea some things which they will recognize as old acquaintances, yet will they find many more with which they are unfamiliar, and to which their attention has never been awakened.

Contents.

Alphabetical Whims.

_The Freaks and Follies of Literature—Account of certain Singular
Books—What are Pangrammata?—The Banished Letters—Eve’s
Legend—Alphabetical Advertisement—The Three Initials—A Jacobite
Toast—“The Beginning of Eternity”—The Poor Letter II—The Letters
of the World—Traps for the Cockneys—Ingenious Verses on the
Vowels—Alliterative Verses—“A Bevy of Belles”—Antithetical
Sermon—Acrostics—Double, Triple, and Reversed Acrostics—Beautiful
and Singular Instances—The Poets in Verse—On Benedict
Arnold—Curious Pasquinade—Monastic Verses—The Figure of the
Fish—Acrostic on Napoleon—Madame Rachael—Masonic
Memento—“Hempe”—“Brevity of Human Life”—Acrostic
Valentine—Anagrams—German, Latin, and English
Instances—Chronograms._ 25

Palindromes.

_Reading in every Style—What is a Palindrome?—What St. Martin said
to the Devil—The Lawyer’s Motto—What Adam said to Eve—The Poor
Young Man in Love—What Dean Swift wrote to Dr. Sheridan—“The
Witch’s Prayer”—The Device of a Lady—Huguenot and Romanist;
Double Dealing._ 59

Equivoque.

_A Very Deceitful Epistle—A Wicked Love Letter—What a Young Wife
wrote to her Friend—The Jesuit’s Creed—Revolutionary
Verses—Double Dealings—A Fatal Name—The Triple Platform—A
Bishop’s Evasion—The “Toast” given by a Smart Young Man—“The
Handwriting on the Wall”—French Actresses—How Mlle. Mars told her
Age—A Lenient Judge—What Mlle. Cico whimpered to “the Bench.”_ 64

The Cento.

_“A Cloak of Patches”—How Centos are made—Mosaic Poetry—The Poets
in a Mixed State—New Version of Old Lines—Cento on Life—A Cento
from thirty-eight Authors—Cento from Pope—Biblical Sentiments—The
Return of Israel—Religious Centos._ 73

Macaronic Verse.

_“A Treatise on Wine”—Monkish Opinions—Which Tree is Best?—A Lover
with Nine Tongues—Horace in a New Dress—What was Written on a
Fly-Leaf—“The Cat and the Rats”—An Advertisement in Five
Languages—Parting Address to a Friend—“Oh, the Rhine!”—The Death
of the Sea Serpent._ 78

Chain Verse.

_Lasphrise’s Novelties—Singular Ode to Death—On “The Truth”—“Long I
looked into the Sky”—A Ringing Song—A Gem of Three Centuries
Old._ 85

Bouts Rimés.

_The Skeletons of Poetry—How the Poet Dulot lost all his Ideas—The
Flight of three hundred Sonnets—The “Nettle” Rhymes—How a Young
Lady teased her Beau—Assisting a Poet—Miss Lydia’s
Acrostic—Alfred De Musset’s Lines—What the Duc de Malakoff
wrote—Reversed Rhymes—How to make_ “Rhopalic” _verses!—What they
are_. 88

Emblematic Poetry.

_Poetry in Visible Shape—The Bow and Arrow of Love—The Deceitful
Glass—Prudent Advice—A Very Singular Dirge—Poetry among the
Monks—Sacred Symbols—A Hymn in Cruciform Shape—Ancient
Devices—Verses within the Cross—Cypher—“U O a O. but I O
U”—Perplexing Printer’s Puzzle—An Oxford Joke—The Puzzle of “The
Precepts Ten”—A Mysterious Letter to Miss K. T. J._ 92

Monosyllables.

_The Power of Little Words—How Pope Ridiculed them—The “Universal
Prayer”—Example of Dr. Watts—Wesley’s Hymns—Writings of
Shakespeare and Milton—“Address to the Daffodils”—Geo. Herbert’s
Poems—Testimony of Keble, Young, Landor, and Fletcher—Examples
from Bailey’s “Festus”—The Short Words of Scripture—Big and
Little Words Compared._ 98

The Bible.

_Who wrote the Scriptures—Why—And When—Accuracy of the Bible—The
Testimony of Modern Discoveries—Scope and Depth of Scripture
Teaching—What Learned Men have written of the Bible—Testimony of
Rousseau, Wilberforce, Bolingbroke, Sir Wm. Jones, Webster, John
Quincy Adams, Addison, Byron, &c.—Who Translated the
Bible—Wickliffe’s Version—Tyndale’s Translation—Matthew’s
Bible—Cranmer’s Edition—The Geneva Bible—The Breeches Bible—The
Bishop’s Bible—Parker’s Bible—The Douay Bible—King James’s
Bible—The Number of Books, Chapters, Verses, Words, and Letters
in the Old and New Testaments—The Bible Dissected—An
Extraordinary Calculation—Distinctions between the Gospels—The
Lost Books—What the word “Selah” means—The Poetry of the
Bible—Shakespeare’s Knowledge of Scripture—The “True Gentleman”
of the Bible—Misquotations from Scripture—A Scriptural “Bull”—Wit
and Humor in the Bible—Sortes Sacræ—Casting Lots with the Bible._ 103

The Name of God.

_How God is known—His Name in all the tongues of Earth—Ancient
Saxon Ideas of Deity—“Elohim” and “Jehovah”—The “Lord” of the
Ancient Jews—“God in Shakespeare”—The Fatherhood of God—The
Parsee, Jew, and Christian._ 127

I. H. S.

_The Name of Jesus—What does I. H. S. Mean?_—De Nomine Jesu—_What
St. Bernardine did—“The Flower of Jesse”—Story of the Infant
Jesus—Ancient Legends of Christ—Persian Story; The Dead
Dog—Description of Christ’s Person—The Death Warrant of
Christ—The Sign of the Cross in Ancient America._ 130

The Lord’s Prayer.

_Thy and Us—The “Spirit” of the Lord’s Prayer—Gothic Version of the
Fourth Century—Metrical Versions—Set to Music—The Prayer
Illustrated—Acrostical Paraphrase—What the Bible Commentators
Said—The Prayer Echoed—A Singular Acrostic._ 136

Ecclesiasticæ.

_Anecdotes of Clergy—Excessive Civility—A Very Polite Preacher—Dean
Swift’s short Sermon—“Down with the Dust”—An Abbreviated
Sermon—Dr. Dodd’s Sermon on Malt—Bombastic Style of Bascom—The
Preachers of Cromwell’s time—When a man ought to Cough!—Origin of
Texts—How the Ancient Prophets Preached—Clerical Blunders—Proving
an Alibi—Whitefield and the Sailors—Protestant
Excommunication—The Tender Mercies of John Knox._ 143

Puritan Peculiarities.

_The Puritan Maiden “Tribby”—A Jury-List of 1658—An Extraordinary
List of Names—Singular Similes—Early Punishments in
Massachusetts—Virginia Penalties in the Olden Time—Primitive
Fines for Curious Crimes—Staying away from Church—The “Blue Laws”
of Connecticut—Hard Punishments for Little Faults._ 150

Paronomasia.

_The Art of Pun-making—What is Wit?—Puns Among the Hebrews—A
Pungent Chapter—Punning Examples—The Short Road to Wealth—A “Man
of Greece”—Witty Impromptus of Sydney Smith—Startling toast of
Harry Erskine—“Top and Bottom”—The Imp of Darkness and the Imp o’
Light—A Printer’s Epitaph—The “whacks” and the “stick”_—“Wo-man”
_and “Whim-men”—Faithless Sally Brown—Whiskers_ versus
_Razors—Pleasure and Payne—Plaint of the old Pauper—To my
Nose—Bad_ “accountants” _but excellent “book-keepers”—The
Vegetable Girl—On an Old Horse—Grand Scheme of Emigration—“The
Perilous Practice of Punning”_—“Tu Portu Salus”—_On a Youth who
was killed by Fruit—The Appeal of Widow-Hood—Swift’s Latin
Puns—Puns in Macbeth—Classical Puns and Mottoes—Mottoes of the
English Peerage_—Jeux-de-Mots—_How Schott Willing—A Catalectic
Monody—Bees of the Bible—Franklin’s “Re’s”—Funny
“Miss-Nomers”—Crooked Coincidences—A Court Fool’s Pun_. 155

English Words and Forms of Expression.

_Dictionary English—Number of words in the English
Language—Language of the Bible—Sources of the Language—Helping a
Foreigner—Difficulties of the Language—Disraelian English—Why use
“Ye”?—Its, His, and Her—How often “That” may be used—How many
sounds are given to “ough”—A Literary Squabble—Concerning certain
Words—Excise, Pontiff, Rough—Dr. Johnson in
Trouble—Americanisms—“No Love Lost”—The Forlorn
Hope—Quiz—Tennyson’s English—Eccentric Etymologies—Words which
have changed their Meaning—Strange Derivations—Influence of
Names—Big Words and Long Names._ 182

Tall Writing.

_The Domicile erected by John—New Version of an Old
Story—Curiosities of Advertising—Mr. Connors and his big
Words—Curiosities of the Post Office—Singular Play Bill—Andrew
Borde, his Book—The Mad Poet—Foote’s Funny Farrago—Burlesque of
Dr. Johnson—Newspaper Eulogy—“Clear as Mud”—An Indignant Letter—A
Chemical Valentine—The Surgeon to his Lady-love—The Lawyers Ode
to Spring—Proverbs for Precocious Pupils._ 212

Metric Prose.

_Unconscious Poetizing—Cowper’s Rhyming Letter to Newton—Poetic
Prose in Irving’s Knickerbocker—Example from Disraeli’s
“Alroy”—Unintentional Rhythm in Charles Dickens’ works—Old
Curiosity Shop and Nicholas Nickleby—American Notes—Versification
in Scripture—Rhymes from Celebrated Prosers—Curious Instance of
Abraham Lincoln—Opinion of Dr. Johnson—Examples from Kemble and
Siddons._ 223

The Humors of Versification.

_The Story of the Lovers—Mingled Moods and Tenses—The Stammering
Wife—A Song with Variations—“While She Rocks the Cradle”—A
Serio-Comic Elegy—Reminiscence of Troy—Concerning
Vegetarianism—W. C. Bryant as a Humorist—Address “To a
Mosquito”—The “Poet” of the “Atlantic”—Bryant’s Travesty—A Rare
Pipe—The Human Ear—A Lesson in Acoustics—Amusing Burlesque of
Tennyson—Sir Tray; an Arthurian Idyl—All About the “Ologies”—The
Variation Humbug—Buggins and the Busy Bee—Comical Singing in
Church—The Curse of O’Kelly._ 230

Hiberniana.

_Irish Bulls and Blunders—Miss Edgeworth on the “Bull”—Comical
Letter of an Irish “M. P.”—Bulls in Mississippi—American
Bulls—The New Jail—A Frenchman’s Blunder—The “Puir Silly Body”
who wrote a Book—The “bulls” of Classical Writers—Bulls from
every Quarter and of all kinds._ 252

Blunders.

_Slips of the Press—The Bishop Accused of Swearing—The Damp Old
Church—From a French Newspaper—The Pig-killing Machine and the
Doctor—Slips of the Telegraph—Simmons and the
Cranberries—Finishing his Education—The Poets in a
Quandary—Blunders of Translators—Rather Gigantic
Grasshoppers—“Love’s last Shift”—Amusing Blunder of Voltaire—“A
Fortune Cutting Meat”—A New “Translation” of Hamlet—The Frenchman
and the Welsh Rabbit._ 259

Misquotations.

_Curious Misquotations of Well-known Authors—Example of Collins—Sir
Walter Scott in Error—Blunder of Sir Archibald Alison—Cruikshank
as the Real “Simon Pure”—Judge Best’s “Great Mind”—Byron’s Little
Mistake._ 266

Fabrications.

_The Description of Christ’s Person a Fabrication—“Detector’s”
Charge against Scott—The “Ministering Angel” not a
Fabrication—The Moon Hoax—A Literary “Sell”—Carlyle’s Worshippers
Outwitted—Mrs. Hemans’ Forgeries—Sheridan’s “Greek”—Spurious
Ballads—The Simple Ballad Trick—A Hoax upon Scott—Psalmanazar’s
Celebrated Fabrications—Benjamin Franklin’s Parable—The Forgeries
of Ireland—Imitations of Shakespeare._ 269

Interrupted Sentences.

_The Judge and the Criminal—“Free from Guile”—Poor Mary
“Confined”—Erskine’s “Subscription”—A Satisfactory Note—“Little
Hel”—Going to War—The Poet Assisted; the Sun and the
Fishes—Giving him the “lie”—De Quincey and the Fiend—Wit in the
House of Commons._ 277

Echo Verse.

_Ancient Echo Verses—Address to Queen Elizabeth—London before the
Restoration—Echo Song by Addison—A Dutch Pasquinade—The Gospel
Echo—Echo and the Lover—Dean Swift’s verses on Women—Buonaparte
and the Echo—Fatal Verses—Why Palm, the Publisher, was
shot—Remarkable Echoes—A Fatal Confession—Extraordinary facts in
Acoustics—Hearing Afar Off._ 281

Puzzles.

_Puzzles defended: their use and value—Exercise for the
Mind—Ancient Perplexities—“The Liar”—“Puzzled to Death”—A French
rebus—Napoleon Buonaparte’s Cypher—A Queer-looking Proclamation—A
curious Puzzle for the Lawyers—Sir Isaac Newton’s Riddle—Cowper’s
Riddle—Canning’s Riddle—A Prize Enigma—Quincy’s
Comparison—Perplexing Intermarriages—Prophetic Distich—The
“Number of the Beast”—Galileo’s Logograph—Persian Riddles—The
Chinese Tea Song—Death and Life—The Rebus—What is it?—The Book of
Riddles—Bishop Wilberforce’s Riddle—Curiosities of Cipher—Secret
Writing—Remarkable Cryptographs._ 290

The Reason Why.

_Why Germans Eat Sauer-Kraut—Why Pennsylvania was Settled—Whence
the Huguenots derived their name—How Monarchs Die—Origin of the
name of Boston—Concerning Weathercocks—Cutting off with a
Shilling—Why Cardinals hats are red—The Roast Beef of England—A
Sensible Quack—Who was the first Gentleman—Solution of a
Juggler’s Mystery._ 310

Weather-Wisdom.

_Sheridan’s Rhyming Calendar—Sir Humphrey Davy’s Weather
Omens—Jenner’s “Signs of the Weather”—“The Shepherd’s
Calendar”—Predictions from Birds, Beasts, and Insects—Circles
round the Sun and Moon—Quaint Old-time Prophecies—The Evil Days
of every Month._ 317

O. S. and N. S.

_The Julian and the Gregorian Calendars—How Cæsar arranged the
Calendar—The Julian Year—Going faster than the Sun—Pope Gregory’s
Efforts—Origin of the New Style—“Poor Job’s Almanac”—The Loss of
Eleven Days—How the matter was Explained._ 325

Memoria Technica.

_The Books of the Old Testament—The Books of the New—Versified
helps to Memory—Names of Shakespeare’s Plays—List of English
Sovereigns—Names of the Presidents—The Decalogue in verse—Short
Metrical Grammar—Number of days in each Month—How Quakers
Remember._ 327

Origin of Things Familiar.

_Mind your P’s and Q’s—All Fool’s Day—The First Playing Cards—“Sub
Rosa”—“Over the Left”—“Kicking the Bucket”—The Bumper—A Royal
Saying—Story of Joe Dun, the Bailiff—The First
Humbug—Pasquinade—The First Bottled Ale—The Gardener and the
Potatoes—Tarring and Feathering—The Stockings of Former Time—The
Order of the Garter—Drinking Healths—A Feather in his Cap—The
Word “Book”—Nine Tailors and One Man—“Viz”—Signature of the
Cross—The Turkish Crescent—The Postpaid Envelopes of the 17th
Century—Who first sang the “Old Hundredth?”—Who wrote the
“Marseillaise Hymn?”—Thrilling Story of the French Revolution—The
Origin of “Yankee Doodle”—Story of Lucy Locket and Kitty
Fisher—How Dutchmen sing “Yankee Doodle”—How the American Flag
was chosen—Who was Brother Jonathan? What is known of “Uncle
Sam!”—The Dollar Mark [$]: what does it mean?—Bows and Arrows in
the Olden Time—All about Guns—The first Insurance Company—The
Banks of three Centuries ago—The Invention of Bells—Who first
said “Boo!”—Who made the first Clock—The Watches of the Olden
Time—All about the Invention of Printing—The first
Cock-fights—Meaning of the word “Turncoat”—Who invented Lucifer
Matches?—When was the Flag of England first unfurled—Why are
Literary ladies called “Blue Stockings?”—Origin of the word
“Skedaddle”—How Foolscap Paper got its name—The First Forged
Bank-Note—Who made the first “Piano Forte?”—The first Doctors—The
first Thanksgiving Proclamation—First Prayer in Congress—The
first Reporters—Origin of the word “News”—The Earliest
Newspapers—Who sent the first Telegraphic Message._ 331

Nothing New Under the Sun.

_First idea of the Magnetic Telegraph—Telegraph before
Morse—Telegraph a Century Ago—Who made the first Steam
Engine?—What Marian de l’Orme saw in the Mad-house—What the
Marquis of Worcester Did—Richelieu’s Mistake—Wonderful Invention
of James Watt—The first Ocean Steamer—Fulton and the Steam
Engine—The first Balloon Ascension—What Franklin said about the
Baby—An Inventor’s Mistake—Discovery of the Circulation of the
Blood—What is “Anæsthesia?”—How the First Anodynes were made—How
Adam’s “Rib” was taken from him—All about the Boomerang—Who
Discovered the Centre of Gravity?—The first Rifle—Table-moving
and Spirit-rapping in Ancient Times—What is “Auscultation?”—The
Stereoscope—Ancient Prediction of the Discovery of America._ 375

Triumphs of Ingenuity.

_How the Planet Neptune was Discovered—Le Verrier’s Wonderful
Calculation—The Story of a poor Physician—An Astronomer at
Home—How Lescarbault became Famous—The Discovery of the Planet
Vulcan—Ingenious Stratagem of Columbus—How an Eclipse was made
Useful—Story of King John and the Abbot—A Picture of the Olden
Time—Clever Reply to Three Puzzling Questions—The Father Abbot in
a Fix._ 395

The Fancies of Fact.

_The Wounds of Julius Cæsar—Some Curious Old Bills—“Mending the Ten
Commandments”—Screwing a Horn on the Devil—Gluing a bit on his
Tail—Repairing the Virgin Mary before and behind—Making a New
Child—Why Bishops and Parsons have no Souls—The Story of a
Curious Conversion—Singular Prayer of Lord Ashley—A Moonshine
Story of Sir Walter Scott—Do Lawyers tell the Truth?—Patrick
Henry’s Little Chapel—The True Form of the Cross—How Poets and
Painters have led us astray—Curious Coincidences—How a Bird was
Shot with a Stick—How a Musket-shot in the Lungs saved a Man’s
life—Mysterious Tin Box found in a Shark’s Stomach—A Curious Card
Trick—Which was the right Elizabeth Smith?—How Mrs. Stephens’s
Patients were Cured—How a Girl’s Good Memory Caught a
Thief—Choosing a Motto for a Sun-dial—Strange Story of a Murdered
Man—The Chick in the Egg—Innate Appetite—The Indian and the Tame
Snake—Why do Alligators Swallow Stones?—Curious Anecdote about
Sheep—Celebrated Journeys on Horseback—A Horse that went to top
of St. Peters’ at Rome—A Wonderful Lock—Wonders of
Manufacturing—How Iron can be made More Precious than Gold—The
Spaniard and his Emeralds—How a Cat was sold for Six Hundred
Dollars—Another Cat sold for a Pound of Gold—The amount of Gold
in the World—Amount of Treasure collected by David—How much Gold
was found in California—What was brought from Australia—The
Wealth of Ancient Romans—Wine at Two Million dollars a Bottle or
$272 per drop—Who is permitted to drink it—Monster Beer Casks,
and who made them—Gigantic Wine-tuns at Heidelberg and
Königstein—A Beer-vat in which Two Hundred People
Dined—Difference between the English Poets—Perils of
Precocity—Children who were too Knowing—What became of 146
Englishmen who were confined in the Black Hole—How the Finns make
Barometers of Stone—Singular Bitterness of Strychnia—Something
about Salt—Curious Change of Taste—The Children of Israel armed
with Guns—Simeon with a pair of “Specs”—Eve in a handsome
Flounced Dress—St. Peter and the Tobacco Pipe—Abraham shooting
Isaac with a Blunderbuss—The Marriage of Christ with St.
Catherine—Cigar-lighters at the Last Supper—Shooting Ducks with a
Gun in the Garden of Eden—Wonderful Specimens of Minute
Mechanism—Homer in a Nutshell—The Bible in a Walnut—Squaring the
Circle—Mathematical Prodigies—Story of a Wonderful Boy—Babbage’s
Calculating Machine—Extraordinary Feats of Memory—A Bishop’s
Heroism—Silent Compliment._ 406

The Fancies of Fact.—§Continued.§

_The Exact Dimensions of Heaven—The cost of Solomon’s Temple—The
Mystic Numbers “Seven” and “Three”—Curious power of Number
Nine—Size of Noah’s Ark and the_ Great Eastern—_About Colors:
their Immense Variety—Vast Aerolites, and what they are—Fate of
America’s Discoverers—Facts about the Presidents—Value of Queen
Victoria’s Jewels—An Army of Women—The Star in the East—Benjamin
Franklin’s Court Dress—Extraordinary instances of Longevity—Do
Americans live long?—A man who lived more than 200
years—“Quack-quack” and “Bow-wow”—A Marriage Vow of the Olden
Time—“Buxum in Bedde and at the Borde”—What came in a dream to
Herschel—Singular Facts about Sleep—Curious Chinese Torture—Do
Fishes ever Sleep?—How a Bird Grasps his Perch when Asleep—How to
gain Seven Years and a half of Life—Effects of Opium and Indian
Hemp—Confession of an English Opium-Eater—Strange Effects of
Fear—The Thief and the Feathers—The Poisoned Coachman—How a Man
Died of Nothing—What Chas. Bell did to the Monkey—A Man with Two
Faces—Thrilling Story of a “Broken heart”—No Comfort in being
Beheaded—A Man who Spoke after his Head was cut off—A Man who
Lived after Sensation was Destroyed—Comical Antipathies—Afraid of
Boiled Lobsters—A Fish and a Fever—Why Joseph Scaliger couldn’t
Drink Milk—The Man who Ran away from a Cat—About the Cock that
Frightened Cæsar—The Two Brothers with One Set of feelings—How
Dennis Hendrick won his Strange Bet—Walking Blindfolded—How to
Tell the Time by Cats’ Eyes—How a Young Woman was Cured by a
Ring—The Story told by a Skull—A Romantic Highway Robber._ 435

Singular Customs.

_The Coffin on the Table—Queer Mode of Enjoying Oneself—A Beautiful
Indian Custom—Why the People of Carazan Murder their
Guests—Danger of Being Handsome—How an Evil Spirit was Frightened
Away—Beefsteaks from a Live Cow—Compliments Paid to a Bear—How
Noses are Made—How Lions are Caught by the Tail—A Picture of High
Life Four Centuries Ago—Why Hairs were put in Ancient
Seals—Fining People for not Getting Married—A Curious Matrimonial
Advertisement._ 477

Facetiæ.

_Odd Titles for a Sham Library—Puns of Tom Hood—The Jests of
Hierocles—Curious Letter of Rothschild’s—Some Singularly Short
Letters—A Disappointed Lover—“The Happiest Dog Alive”—What
Happened Between Abernethy and the Lady—Witty Sayings of
Talleyrand—Why Rochester’s Poem was Best—How the Emperor Nicholas
was “Sold”—Difference Between “Old Harry” and “Old Nick”—Comical
Story of a very Mean Man—Instances of Audacious Boasting—Chas.
Mathews and the Silver Spoon—How a King Upset his Inside—Curious
Story of Some Relics—What “Topsy’s” Other Name Was—Minding their
P’s and Q’s—Practical Jokes of a Russian Jester._ 482

Flashes of Repartee.

_Curran and Sir Boyle Roche—Witty Reply of a Fishwoman—Cobden and
the American Lady—Witty Suggestion of Napoleon—Making “Game” of a
Lady—The Road that no Peddler ever Traveled—“A Puppy in his
Boots!”—A Quaker’s Queer Suggestion—What the Girl said to
Curran—A Man who had “never been Weaned”—Ready Wit of Theodore
Hook—“Chaff” between Barrow and Rochester—A Windy M. P.—A
Clergyman known by his “Walk”—A Man who “had a Right to
Speak”—The “Weak Brother” and Tobacco Pipes—Beecher Lecturing for
F-A-M-E—Admiral Keppel and the He-Goat—Thackeray and the
Beggar-Woman—What Paddy said about “Ayther and Nayther”—Scribe
and the French Millionaire—Voltaire and Haller—Why Paddy “Loved
her Still”—Bacon and Hogg—“A Most Excellent Judge”—Thackeray
Snubbed—Christian Cannibalism—How a Barrister’s Eloquence was
Silenced._ 495

The Sexes.

_Masculine and Feminine Virtues and Vices—Character of the Happy
Woman—What Mrs. Jameson said about Women—Old Ballad in Praise of
Women—The Two Sexes Compared—What John Randolph said in Praise of
Matrimony—Wife; Mistress; or Lady?—St. Leon’s Toast to his
Mother._ 501

Moslem Wisdom.

_The Caliph of Bagdad—Shrewd Decision of a Moslem Judge—A Question
of Dinner—How the Money was Divided—The Wisdom of Ali—The
Prophet’s Judgment: Wisdom and Wealth—Mohammedan Logic—The
Foolish Young Man who Fell in Love—Queer Case of Consequential
Damages—Sad Blunder of Omar—A Perplexing Turkish Will—The
Dervise’s Device._ 508

Excerpta from Persian Poetry.

_Earth an Illusion—Heaven an Echo of Earth—A Moral
Atmosphere—Fortune and Worth—Broken Hearts—To a Generous
Man—Beauty’s Prerogative—Proud Humility—Folly for Oneself—An
Impossibility—Sober Drunkenness—A Wine Drinker’s Metaphors—The
Verses of Mirtsa Schaffy—The Unappreciative World—The Caliph and
Satan—Curious Dodge of the Devil._ 511

Epigrams.

_An Epigram on Epigrams—Midas and Modern Statesmen—“Come Gentle
Sleep”—A Man who Wrote Long Epitaphs—The Fool and the Poet—“_Dum
Vivimus Vivamus_”—Dr. Johnson and Molly Ashton—A
Know-Nothing—Epigram on “Our Bed”—On a Late Repentance—A Pale
Lady with a Red-Nosed Husband—Snowflakes on a Lady’s Breast—To
John Milton—Wesley on Butler—Ridiculous Compliment to Pope—Athol
Brose—What is Eternity—Stolen Sermons—Comical Advice to an
Author—A Frugal Queen—Man With a Thick Skull—Miss Prue and the
Kiss—A Ready-Made Angel—The Lover and the Looking-Glass—A
Capricious Friend—A Man who Told “Fibs”—Unlucky End of a
Scorpion—The Lawyer and the Novel—A Woman’s Will—Wellington’s Big
Nose—The Miser and his Money—On Bad Singing—Old Nick and the
Fiddle_—Foot-_man_ versus Toe-_man—“Hot Corn”—Bonnets of Straw—An
“Original Sin” Man—On Writing Verses—Prudent Simplicity—A Friend
in Distress—Hog v. Bacon—A Warm Reception—Taking Medical
Advice—Definition of a Dentist—Dr. Goodenough’s Sermon—What Might
Have Been—A Reflection—The Woman in the Case—How Lawyers are
“Keen”—Dux and Drakes—The Parson’s Eyes—“He Didn’t Mean
Her”—Affinity Between Gold and Love—The Crier who Could not
Cry—The Parson and the Butcher—A Hard Case of Strikes—Coats of_
Male—_The Beaux upon the Quiver—On Burning Widows—Learning
Speeches by Heart—A Golden Webb—The Jawbone of an Ass—Walking on
her Head—Marriage à la mode—Quid Pro Quo—Woman pro and
con—Abundance of Fools—The World—“Terminer Sans Oyer”—Seeing
Double._ 515

Impromptus.

_Dr. Young and his Eve—How Ben Jonson Paid his Bill—What Melville
said to Queen Elizabeth—The “Angel” in the Pew—How Andrew Horner
was Cut up—What Hastings Wrote of Burke—Impromptu of Dr.
Johnson—Burlesque of Old Ballads—What was “Running in a Lady’s
Head”—Improvised Rhymes—Like unto Judas—How the Devil got his
Due—The Writing on the Window—“I Thought so Yesterday”—What is
Written on the Gates of Hell—Burns’ “Grace before Meat”._ 528

Refractory Rhyming.

_Julianna and the Lozenges—Brougham’s Rhyme for Morris—The French
Speculator’s Epitaph—What is a Monogomphe—Rhymes for Month,
Chimney, Liquid, Carpet, Window, Garden, Porringer, Orange,
Lemon, Pilgrim, Widow, Timbuctoo, Niagara, Mackonochie—Rhyme to
Gottingen—The Ingoldsby Legends—Punch’s Funny Rhymes—Chapin’s
Rhyme to Brimblecomb—Butler’s Rhyme to Philosopher—A Rhyme to
Germany—Hood’s Nocturnal Sketch._ 534

Valentines.

_A Strategic Love-Letter—Love-Letter in Invisible Ink—Secret
Invitation Concealed in a Love-Letter—Macaulay’s Essay to Mary C.
Stanhope—Love-Verses of Robert Burns—Teutonic
Alliteration—Singular Letter in Three Columns—Love-Letter Written
in Blood—A Valentine in Many Languages—Practical Joke on a
Colored Man—Unpublished Verses of Thomas Moore—An Egyptian
Serenade—Petition of Sixteen Maids against the Widows of South
Carolina—Unlucky Petition to Madame de Maintenon._ 544

Sonnets.

_How the Fourteen Lines were Written—Sonnet on a Fashionable
Church—On the Proxy Saint—About a Nose—On Dyspepsia—Humility—Ave
Maria!_ 551

Conformity of Sense to Sound.

_Articulate Imitation of Inarticulate Sounds—Example from
Pope—Milton’s “Lycidas”—From Dyer’s “Ruins of Rome”—Imitations of
Time and Motion—“L’Allegro”—Pope’s “Homer”—Dryden’s
“Lucretius”—Milton’s “Il Penseroso”—Fine Examples from
Virgil—Imitations of Difficulty and Ease._ 554

Familiar Quotations from Unfamiliar Sources.

_“No Cross, no Crown”—“Corporations have no Souls”—“Children of a
Larger Growth”—“Consistency a Jewel”—“Cleanliness next to
Godliness”—“He’s a Brick”—“When at Rome, do as the
Romans”—“Taking Time by the Forelock”—“What will Mrs. Grundy
Say?”—“Though Lost to Sight, to Memory Dear”—“Conspicuous by its
Absence”—“Do as I Say, not as I Do”—“Honesty the Best
Policy”—“Facts are Stubborn Things”—“Comparisons are
Odious”—“Dark as Pitch”—“Every Tub on its own Bottom”—Two Pages
of Examples, Interesting, Amusing, and Instructive._ 556

Churchyard Literature.

_Epitaphs of Eminent Men—Appropriate and Rare
Inscriptions—Franklin’s Epitaph on Himself—Touching Memorials of
Children—Historical and Biographical Epitaphs—Self-Written
Inscriptions—Advertising Notices—Unique and Ludicrous
Epitaphs—Puns in the Churchyard—Puzzling Inscriptions—Parallels
Without a Parallel—Bathos—Transcendental Epitaph—Acrostical
Inscriptions—Indian, African, Hibernian, Greek Epitaphs—Patchwork
Character on a Tombstone—The Printer’s Epitaph—Specimens of
Exceedingly Brief Epitaphs—Highly Laudatory Inscriptions—A
Chemical Epitaph—On an Architect—On an Orator—On a Watchmaker—On
a Miserly Money-Lender—On a Tailor—On a Dancing Master—On an
Infidel—On Voltaire—On Hume—On Tom Paine—“Earth to Earth”—Byron’s
Inscription on his Dog._ 564

Inscriptions.

_Old English Tavern Sign-Boards—Curious Origin of Absurd Signs—“The
Magpie and Crown”—“The Hen and the Razor”—“The
Swan-with-two-Necks”—Singular Statement of Sir Joseph Banks—“The
Goat and Compasses”—The “Signs” of Puritan Times—A Curious
“Reformation”—“The Cat and the Fiddle”—“Satan and the Bag of
Nails”—Ancient Signs in Pompeii—The Four Awls and the Grave
Morris—The “Queer Door,” and the “Pig and Whistle”—Heraldic Signs
of the Middle Ages—“I have a Cunen Fox, &c.”—Versified
Inscriptions—Cooper and his “Zwei Glasses”—How a Sign Cost a Man
his Life—An Inscription in Four Columns—Beer-Jug
Inscriptions—Inscriptions on Window-Panes—Quaint Description of
an Inn in the Olden Time—Curious Inscriptions on Bells—Baptising
and Anointing Bells—The Great Tom of Oxford—Amusing Old Fly-Leaf
Inscriptions—Sun-Dial Inscriptions—Memorial Verses—Francke’s
Singular Discovery—Golden Mottoes—“Posies” from Wedding Rings._ 615

Parallel Passages.

_Imitations and Plagiarisms of Authors—Curious
Coincidences—Examples from Young, Congreve, Blair, and
Shakespeare—Imitations of Otway, Gray, Milton, and Rogers—The
Blindness of Homer and Milton—What Hume said of the Clergy—How
Praise Becomes Satire—Parallel Passages from the English
Poets—Singular Examples from Shakespeare—Shakespeare’s
Acquaintance with the Latin Poets—Thoughts Repeated from Age to
Age—Which was the True Original?—Historical Similitudes—What
Radbod said with his Legs in the Water—Why Wulf, the Goth,
wouldn’t be Baptised—Why an Indian Refused to go to
Heaven—Curious Choice of a Woman—Last Words of Cardinal
Wolsey—Death of Sir James Hamilton—Solomon’s Judgment
Repeated—Why two Women Pulled a Child’s Legs—How Napoleon Decided
Between two Ladies—The Hindoo Legend of the Weasel and the
Babe—The Faithful Dog: a Welsh Ballad—Singular Murder of a Clever
Apprentice—Ballads and Legends—Terrible Story of an old
Midwife—What a Clergyman did at Midnight—How Genevra was Buried
Alive—The Ghost which Appeared to Antonio—Strange Story of a
Ring—Death Prophecies—What was done before three Battles—How an
Army of Mice Devoured Bishop Hatto._ 640

Prototypes.

_The Oldest Proverb on Record—Curious Wish of an Old
Lady—Cinderella’s Slipper—How an Eagle Stole a Shoe, and a King
Chose a Wife—Mrs. Caudle’s Curtain Lectures—“The Charge of the
Light Brigade”—Dr. Faustus and the Devil—“Blown up” Cushions—What
the “Poor Cat i’ the Adage” Did—The Lady with Two Cork Legs—The
Pope’s Bull against the Comet—Lincoln “Swapping Horses”—Wooden
Nutmegs—Trade Unions Two Centuries Ago—Consequential Damages—The
Babies that Never were Born—The Original Shylock—Druidical
Excommunication—Fall of Napoleon I.—Lanark and Lodore—The Song of
the Bell—Turgot’s Eulogistic Epigraph on Franklin—Origin of the
Declaration of Independence—The Know-Nothings—The first
Conception of the Pilgrim’s Progress—Did Defoe Write Robinson
Crusoe?—Talleyrand’s Famous Saying: Whence?—Mistake about
Drinking out of Skulls—Great Literary Plagiarism—Origin of Old
Ballads—The Story of the Wandering Jew._ 699

Curious Books.

_Old Books with Odd Titles—“Shot Aimed at the Devils
Headquarters”—“Crumbs of Comfort for the Chickens of the
Covenant”—“Eggs of Charity Layed by the Chickens of the Covenant,
and Boiled with the Water of Divine Love”—“High-heeled Shoes for
Dwarfs in Holiness”—“Hooks and Eyes for Believers’
Breeches”—“Sixpennyworth of Divine Spirit”—“Spiritual Mustard
Pot”—“Tobacco Battered and Pipes Shattered”—“News from
Heaven”—The Most Curious Book in the World—A Book that was never
Written or Printed, but which can be Read—The Silver Book at
Upsal—What is a Bibliognoste?—What a Bibliographe?—What a
Bibliomane?—What a Bibliophile and a Bibliotaphe?_ 720

Literariana.

_The Mystery of the “Letters of Junius”—Who Wrote Them?—What
Canning and Macaulay Thought—A Well-kept Secret—Original MS. of
Gray’s Elegy—The Omitted Stanzas—Imitations—How Pope Corrected
his Manuscript—Importance of Punctuation: Comical Errors—“A
Pigeon Making Bread”—How many Nails on a Lady’s Hand—A Comical
Petition in Church—The Soldier who Died for want of a Stop—Indian
Heraldry—Anachronisms of Shakespeare—King Lear’s Spectacles—The
Heroines of Shakespeare—Shakespeare’s Life and Sonnets
Compared—Was He Lame?—The Age of Hamlet—Was He Really
Mad?—Additional Verses to “Home, Sweet Home”—The Falsities of
History—Two Views of Napoleon—Clarence and the Butt of
Malmsey—True Character of Richard III—The Name “America” a
Fraud—Lexington and the “First Blood Shed”—Eye-Witnesses in
Error—Curious Story of Sir Walter Raleigh—The Difference between
Wit and Humor—A Rhyming Newspaper—Buskin’s Defence of
Book-Lovers—Letters and their Endings—Shrewd Words of Lord
Bacon._ 723

Literati.

_Account of some Famous Linguists—A Man who Knew One Hundred and
Eleven Languages—A Cardinal of Many Tongues—Elihu Burrito, the
Learned Blacksmith—Literary Oddities—Curious Habits of Celebrated
Authors—How they have Written their Books—Racine’s Adventure with
the Workmen—Luther in his Study—Calvin Scribbling in
Bed—Rousseau, Le Sage, and Byron at Work—Fontaine, Pascal,
Fénélon, and De Quincey—Whence Bacon Sought Inspiration—Culture
and Sacrifice—The Sorrows and Trials of Great Men—Sharon Turner
and the Printers—A Stingy Old Scribbler—Dryden and His
Publisher—Jacob Tonson’s Rascality; how He Tried to Cheat the
Poet._ 756

Personal Sketches and Anecdotes.

_Anecdote of George Washington—What Lafayette said to the King of
France—Peculiarities of the Name Napoleon—How Napoleon Remembered
Milton at the Dreadful Battle of Austerlitz—The Emperor’s
Personal Appearance—His Opinion of Suicide—Benjamin Franklin’s
Frugal Wife—Major André and the “Cow-Chase”—An English View of
André and Arnold—How the Astronomer Royal Found an Old Woman’s
Clothes—The Boy who set Fire to an Empty Bottle—Curious Views of
Martin Luther—The Hero of the Reformation—Carlyle’s Translation
of Luther’s Hymn—Curious Account of Queen Elizabeth—What She Said
to the Troublesome Priest—What was the Real Color of Her
Hair?—Was Shakespeare a Christian?—Personal Description of Oliver
Cromwell—How Pope’s Skull was Stolen—What Became of Wickliffe’s
Ashes—The Folly of Two Astrologers—Anecdotes of
Talleyrand—Parson’s Puzzles._ 763

Historical Memoranda.

_The First Blood of the Revolution—The “Tea-Party” at
Boston—Tea-Burning at Annapolis—The First American Ships of
War—How Quinn Borrowed Twenty Pounds of Shakespeare—Diabolical
Proposition of Cotton Mather—A Rod in Pickle for William Penn—How
he Escaped—An American Monarchy—Origin of the “Star-Spangled
Banner”—Origin of the French Tri-Color—How the Newspapers Changed
their Tune—Story of Eugenie’s Flight from France—Rise and Fall of
Napoleon III—“L’Empire c’est la Paix”—Jefferson’s Idea of Marie
Antoinette—Blücher’s Insanity—The Secret of Queen Isabella’s
Daughter—Was Mary Magdalene a Sinner?—The Husband of Mother
Goose, and what He Did—History and Fiction: which true?—Verdicts
which Posterity have Reversed—Great Events from Little Causes—Why
Queen Eleanor Quarreled with her Husband—Story of Queen Anne’s
Gloves—How the Flies Helped Forward the Declaration of
Independence—The Discovery of America—Story of Annie Laurie—Who
was Robin Adair?—Was Joan of Arc Really Burnt?—The Mystery of Amy
Robsart’s Death—Anecdotes of William Tell—Who Was He?—“Society”
in the Time of Louis XIV—How Cromwell Tricked his Chaplain—The
Last Night of the Girondists—Elizabeth, Essex, and the Ring._ 782

Multum in Parvo.

_Much Meaning in Little Space—Coleridge and the Beasts—“Boxes” that
Govern the World—“I Cannot Fiddle”—“Like a Potato”—The Vowels in
Order—Balzac’s Instance of Self-Respect—Whom do Mankind Pay
Best?—Comical Instance of Wrong Emphasis—“Vive la Mort!”—Motto
for all Seasons—Curious Grace before Meat._ 823

Life and Death.

_What is Death?—Bishop Heber’s “Voyage of Life”—Curious Poem of Dr.
Horne—“The Round of Life”—Hugh Peters’ Legacy to his
Daughter—Franklin’s Moral Code—How to Divide Time—Living Life
over Again—Rhyming Definitions—What is Earth?—Curious
Replies—Rhyming Charter of William the Conquerer—Puzzling
Question for the Lawyers—What Rabbi Joshua Told the Emperor—Dying
Words of Distinguished Persons—Last Prayer of Mary, Queen of
Scots—Extraordinary Case of Trance—Curious Question about
Lazarus—Preservation of Dead Bodies—Corpse of a Lady Preserved
for Eighty Years—Bodies of English Kings Undecayed for many
Centuries—Three Roman Soldiers Preserved “Plump and Fresh” for
Fifteen Hundred Years—Bodies Converted into Fat—About
Mummies—Wonderful Discovery in an Etruscan Tomb—The Reign of
Terror—What Became of the Bodies of the French Kings—Jewish Tombs
in the Valley of Hinnom—A Whimsical Will—The Tripod of Life—How
Many Kinds of Death there Are—Curious Irish Epitaph—Significance
of the Fleur de lis—Death of the First Born—Jean Ingelow’s “Story
of Long Ago”—“This is not Your Rest”—Causes of Ill Success in
Life—Futurity—Longfellow on “The Heart”—An Evening
Prayer—Beautiful Thought—Life’s Parting—Destiny—Sympathy—“After;”
Death’s Final Conquest—“There is no Death”—Euthanasia._ 826

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alphabetical Whims.

LIPOGRAMMATA AND PANGRAMMATA.

In No. 59 of the Spectator, Addison, descanting on the different species of wit, observes, “The first I shall produce are the Lipogrammatists, or letter droppers of antiquity, that would take an exception, without any reason, against some particular letter in the alphabet, so as not to admit it once in a whole poem. One Tryphiodorus was a great master in this kind of writing. He composed an Odyssey, or Epic Poem, on the adventures of Ulysses, consisting of four-and-twenty-books, having entirely banished the letter A from his first book, which was called _Alpha_, (as _lucus a non lucendo_,) because there was not an alpha in it. His second book was inscribed _Beta_, for the same reason. In short, the poet excluded the whole four-and-twenty letters in their turns, and showed them that he could do his business without them. It must have been very pleasant to have seen this Poet avoiding the reprobate letter as much as another would a false quantity, and making his escape from it, through the different Greek dialects, when he was presented with it in any particular syllable; for the most apt and elegant word in the whole language was rejected, like a diamond with a flaw in it, if it appeared blemished with the wrong letter.”

In No. 63, Addison has again introduced Tryphiodorus, in his Vision of the Region of False Wit, where he sees the phantom of this poet pursued through the intricacies of a dance by four-and-twenty persons, (representatives of the alphabet,) who are unable to overtake him.

Addison should, however, have mentioned that Tryphiodorus is kept in countenance by no less an authority than Pindar, who, according to Athenæus, wrote an ode from which the letter _sigma_ was carefully excluded.

This caprice of Tryphiodorus has not been without its imitators. Peter de Riga, a canon of Rheims, wrote a summary of the Bible in twenty-three sections, and throughout each section omitted, successively, some particular letter.

Gordianus Fulgentius, who wrote “De Ætatibus Mundi et Hominis,” has styled his book a wonderful work, chiefly, it may be presumed, from a similar reason; as from the chapter on Adam he has excluded the letter A; from that on Abel, the B; from that on Cain, the C; and so on through twenty-three chapters.

Gregorio Letti presented a discourse to the Academy of Humorists at Rome, throughout which he had purposely omitted the letter R, and he entitled it _the exiled R_. A friend having requested a copy as a literary curiosity, (for so he considered this idle performance,) Letti, to show it was not so difficult a matter, replied by a copious answer of seven pages, in which he observed the same severe ostracism against the letter R.

Du Chat, in the “Ducatiana,” says “there are five novels in prose, of Lope de Vega, similarly avoiding the vowels; the first without A, the second without E, the third without I, the fourth without O, and the fifth without U.”

The Orientalists are not without this literary folly. A Persian poet read to the celebrated Jami a ghazel of his own composition, which Jami did not like; but the writer replied it was, notwithstanding, a very curious sonnet, for the letter _Aliff_ was not to be found in any of the words! Jami sarcastically answered, “You can do a better thing yet; take away _all the letters_ from every word you have written.”

This alphabetical whim has assumed other shapes, sometimes taking the form of a fondness for a particular letter. In the _Ecloga de Calvis_ of Hugbald the Monk, all the words begin with a C. In the Nugæ Venales there is a Poem by Petrus Placentius, entitled Pugna Porcorum, in which every word begins with a P. In another performance in the same work, entitled _Canum cum cattis certamen_, in which “apt alliteration’s artful aid” is similarly summoned, every word begins with a C.

Lord North, one of the finest gentlemen in the Court of James I., has written a set of sonnets, each of which begins with a successive letter of the alphabet. The Earl of Rivers, in the reign of Edward IV., translated the Moral Proverbs of Christiana of Pisa, a poem of about two hundred lines, almost all the words of which he contrived to conclude with the letter E.

The Pangrammatists contrive to crowd all the letters of the alphabet into every single verse. The prophet Ezra may be regarded as the father of them, as may be seen by reference to ch. vii., v. 21, of his Book of Prophecies. Ausonius, a Roman poet of the fourth century, whose verses are characterized by great mechanical ingenuity, is fullest of these fancies.

The following sentence of only 48 letters, contains every letter of the alphabet:—_John P. Brady, give me a black walnut box of quite a small size_.

The stanza subjoined is a specimen of both lipogrammatic and pangrammatic ingenuity, containing every letter of the alphabet except _e_. Those who remember that _e_ is the most indispensable letter, being much more frequently used than any other,[1] will perceive the difficulty of such composition.

Footnote 1:

The relative proportions of the letters, in the formation of words,
have been pretty accurately determined, as follows:—

A 85
B 16
C 30
D 44
E 120
F 25
G 17
H 64
I 80
J 4
K 8
L 40
M 30
N 80
O 80
P 17
Q 5
R 62
S 80
T 90
U 34
V 12
W 20
X 4
Y 20
Z 2

A jovial swain may rack his brain,
And tax his fancy’s might,
To quiz in vain, for ’tis most plain,
That what I say is right.

The _Fate of Nassan_ affords another example, each stanza containing the entire alphabet except _e_, and composed, as the writer says, with _ease_ without _e’s_.

Bold Nassan quits his caravan,
A hazy mountain-grot to scan;
Climbs jaggy rocks to spy his way,
Doth tax his sight, but far doth stray.

Not work of man, nor sport of child,
Finds Nassan in that mazy wild;
Lax grow his joints, limbs toil in vain—
Poor wight! why didst thou quit that plain?

Vainly for succor Nassan calls.
Know, Zillah, that thy Nassan falls:
But prowling wolf and fox may joy
To quarry on thy Arab boy.

§Lord Holland§, after reading the five Spanish novels already alluded to, in 1824, composed the following curious example, in which all the vowels except E are omitted:—

EVE’S LEGEND.

Men were never perfect; yet the three brethren Veres were ever
esteemed, respected, revered, even when the rest, whether the select
few, whether the mere herd, were left neglected.

The eldest’s vessels seek the deep, stem the element, get pence; the
keen Peter, when free, wedded Hester Green,—the slender, stern,
severe, erect Hester Green. The next, clever Ned, less dependent,
wedded sweet Ellen Heber. Stephen, ere he met the gentle Eve, never
felt tenderness: he kept kennels, bred steeds, rested where the deer
fed, went where green trees, where fresh breezes, greeted sleep. There
he met the meek, the gentle Eve: she tended her sheep, she ever
neglected self: she never heeded pelf, yet she heeded the shepherds
even less. Nevertheless, her cheek reddened when she met Stephen; yet
decent reserve, meek respect, tempered her speech, even when she
shewed tenderness. Stephen felt the sweet effect: he felt he erred
when he fled the sex, yet felt he defenceless when Eve seemed tender.
She, he reflects, never deserved neglect; she never vented spleen; he
esteems her gentleness, her endless deserts; he reverences her steps;
he greets her:—

“Tell me whence these meek, these gentle sheep,—whence the yet meeker,
the gentler shepherdess?”

“Well bred, we were eke better fed, ere we went where reckless men
seek fleeces. There we were fleeced. Need then rendered me
shepherdess, need renders me sempstress. See me tend the sheep; see me
sew the wretched shreds. Eve’s need preserves the steers, preserves
the sheep; Eve’s needle mends her dresses, hems her sheets; Eve feeds
the geese; Eve preserves the cheese.”

Her speech melted Stephen, yet he nevertheless esteems, reveres her.
He bent the knee where her feet pressed the green; he blessed, he
begged, he pressed her.

“Sweet, sweet Eve, let me wed thee; be led where Hester Green, where
Ellen Heber, where the brethren Vere dwell. Free cheer greets thee
there; Ellen’s glees sweeten the refreshment; there severer Hester’s
decent reserve checks heedless jests. Be led there, sweet Eve!”

“Never! we well remember the Seer. We went where he dwells—we entered
the cell—we begged the decree,—

‘Where, whenever, when, ’twere well
Eve be wedded? Eld Seer, tell.’

“He rendered the decree; see here the sentence decreed!” Then she
presented Stephen the Seer’s decree. The verses were these:—

“_Ere the green reed be red,
Sweet Eve, be never wed;
Ere be green the red cheek,
Never wed thee, Eve meek._”

The terms perplexed Stephen, yet he jeered the terms; he resented the
senseless credence, “Seers never err.” Then he repented, knelt,
wheedled, wept. Eve sees Stephen kneel; she relents, yet frets when
she remembers the Seer’s decree. Her dress redeems her. These were the
events:—

Her well-kempt tresses fell; sedges, reeds, bedecked them. The reeds
fell, the edges met her cheeks; her cheeks bled. She presses the green
sedge where her check bleeds. Red then bedewed the green reed, the
green reed then speckled her red cheek. The red cheek seems green, the
green reed seems red. These were e’en the terms the Eld Seer decreed
Stephen Vere.

§Here endeth the Legend.§

ALPHABETICAL ADVERTISEMENT.

TO WIDOWERS AND SINGLE GENTLEMEN.—WANTED by a lady, a SITUATION to superintend the household and preside at table. She is Agreeable, Becoming, Careful, Desirable, English, Facetious, Generous, Honest, Industrious, Judicious, Keen, Lively, Merry, Natty, Obedient, Philosophic, Quiet, Regular, Sociable, Tasteful, Useful, Vivacious, Womanish, Xantippish, Youthful, Zealous, &c. Address X. Y. Z., Simmond’s Library, Edgeware-road.—_London Times_, 1842.

JACOBITE TOAST.

The following remarkable toast is ascribed to Lord Duff, and was presented on some public occasion in the year 1745.

A. B. C. A Blessed Change.
D. E. F. Down Every Foreigner.
G. H. J. God Help James.
K. L. M. Keep Lord Marr.
N. O. P. Noble Ormond Preserve.
Q. R. S. Quickly Resolve Stewart.
T. U. V. W. Truss Up Vile Whigs.
X. Y. Z. ’Xert Your Zeal.

THE THREE INITIALS.

The following couplet, in which initials are so aptly used, was written on the alleged intended marriage of the Duke of Wellington, at a very advanced age, with Miss Angelina Burdett Coutts, the rich heiress:—

The Duke must in his second childhood be,
Since in his doting age he turns to A. B. C.

ENIGMAS.

The letter E is thus enigmatically described:—

The beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space,
The beginning of every end,
The end of every place.

The letter M is concealed in the following Latin enigma by an unknown author of very ancient date:

Ego sum principium mundi et finis seculorum:
Ego sum trinus et unus, et tamen non sum Deus.

THE LETTER H.

The celebrated enigma on the letter H, commonly attributed to Lord Byron,[2] is well known. The following amusing petition is addressed by this letter to the inhabitants of Kidderminster, England—_Protesting_:

Whereas by you I have been driven
From ’ouse, from ’ome, from ’ope, from ’eaven,
And placed by your most learned society
In Hexile, Hanguish, and Hanxiety;
Nay, charged without one just pretence,
With Harrogance and Himpudence—
I here demand full restitution,
And beg you’ll mend your Helocution.

Footnote 2:

Now known to have been written by Miss Catherine Fanshawe.

Rowland Hill, when at college, was remarkable for the frequent wittiness of his observations. In a conversation on the powers of the letter H, in which it was contended that it was no letter, but a simple aspiration or breathing, Rowland took the opposite side of the question, and insisted on its being, to all intents and purposes, a _letter_; and concluded by observing that, if it were not, it was a very serious affair to him, as it would occasion his being §ILL§ all the days of his life.

When Kohl, the traveller, visited the Church of St. Alexander Nevskoi, at St. Petersburg, his guide, pointing to a corner of the building, said, “_There lies a Cannibal_.” Attracted to the tomb by this strange announcement, Kohl found from the inscription that it was the Russian general Hannibal; but as the Russians have no H,[3] they change the letter into K; and hence the strange misnomer given to the deceased warrior.

Footnote 3:

The Sandwich Island alphabet has twelve letters; the Burmese,
nineteen; the Italian, twenty; the Bengalese, twenty-one; the Hebrew,
Syriac, Chaldee, and Samaritan, twenty-two each; the French,
twenty-three; the Greek, twenty-four; the Latin, twenty-five; the
German, Dutch, and English, twenty-six each; the Spanish and
Sclavonic, twenty-seven each; the Arabic, twenty-eight; the Persian
and Coptic, thirty-two; the Georgian, thirty-five; the Armenian,
thirty-eight; the Russian, forty-one; the Muscovite, forty-three; the
Sanscrit and Japanese, fifty; the Ethiopic and Tartarian, two hundred
and two each.

A city knight, who was unable to aspirate the H, on being deputed to give King William III. an address of welcome, uttered the following equivocal compliment:—

“Future ages, recording your Majesty’s exploits, will pronounce you to have been _a Nero_!”

Mrs. Crawford says she wrote one line in her song, _Kathleen Mavourneen_, for the express purpose of confounding the cockney warblers, who sing it thus:—

The ’orn of the ’unter is ’eard on the ’ill.

Moore has laid the same trap in the _Woodpecker_:—

A ’eart that is ’umble might ’ope for it ’ere.

And the elephant _confounds_ them the other way:—

A helephant heasily heats at his hease,
Hunder humbrageous humbrella trees.

ON THE MARRIAGE OF A LADY TO A GENTLEMAN NAMED GEE

Sure, madam, by your choice a taste we see:
What’s good or great or grand without a G?
A godly glow must sure on G depend,
Or oddly low our righteous thoughts must end:
The want of G all gratitude effaces;
And without G, the Graces would run races.

ON SENDING A PAIR OF GLOVES.

From this small token take the letter G,
And then ’tis love, and that I send to thee.

UNIVOCALIC VERSES.

=A.=—§THE RUSSO-TURKISH WAR.§

Wars harm all ranks, all arts, all crafts appall:
At Mars’ harsh blast, arch, rampart, altar, fall!
Ah! hard as adamant, a braggart Czar
Arms vassal swarms, and fans a fatal war!
Rampant at that bad call, a Vandal band
Harass, and harm, and ransack Wallach-land.
A Tartar phalanx Balkan’s scarp hath past,
And Allah’s standard falls, alas! at last.

=E.=—§THE FALL OF EVE.§

Eve, Eden’s Empress, needs defended be;
The Serpent greets her when she seeks the tree.
Serene, she sees the speckled tempter creep;
Gentle he seems,—perversest schemer deep,—
Yet endless pretexts ever fresh prefers,
Perverts her senses, revels when she errs,
Sneers when she weeps, regrets, repents she fell;
Then, deep revenged, reseeks the nether hell!

=I.=—§THE APPROACH OF EVENING.§

Idling, I sit in this mild twilight dim,
Whilst birds, in wild, swift vigils, circling skim.
Light winds in sighing sink, till, rising bright,
Night’s Virgin Pilgrim swims in vivid light!

=O.=—§INCONTROVERTIBLE FACTS.§

No monk too good to rob, or cog, or plot.
No fool so gross to bolt Scotch collops hot.
From Donjon tops no Oronoko rolls.
Logwood, not Lotos, floods Oporto’s bowls.
Troops of old tosspots oft, to sot, consort.
Box tops, not bottoms, school-boys flog for sport.
No cool monsoons blow soft on Oxford dons,
Orthodox, jog-trot, book-worm Solomons!
Bold Ostrogoths, of ghosts no horror show.
On London shop-fronts no hop-blossoms grow.
To crocks of gold no dodo looks for food.
On soft cloth footstools no old fox doth brood.
Long storm-tost sloops forlorn, work on to port.
Rooks do not roost on spoons, nor woodcocks snort,
Nor dog on snow-drop or on coltsfoot rolls,
Nor common frogs concoct long protocols.

=U.=—§THE SAME SUBJECT, CONTINUED.§

Dull humdrum murmurs lull, but hubbub stuns.
Lucullus snuffs no musk, mundungus shuns.
Puss purrs, buds burst, bucks butt, luck turns up trumps;
But full cups, hurtful, spur up unjust thumps.

* * * * *

A young English lady, on observing a gentleman’s lane newly planted with lilacs, made this neat impromptu:—

Let lovely lilacs line Lee’s lonely lane.

ALPHABETICAL ALLITERATION.

THE SIEGE OF BELGRADE.

An Austrian army, awfully arrayed,
Boldly, by battery, besieged Belgrade;
Cossack commanders cannonading come—
Dealing destruction’s devastating doom;
Every endeavor, engineers essay,
For fame, for fortune—fighting furious fray:—
Generals ’gainst generals grapple—gracious God!
How honors Heaven, heroic hardihood!
Infuriate,—indiscriminate in ill,
Kindred kill kinsmen,—kinsmen kindred kill!
Labor low levels loftiest longest lines—
Men march ’mid mounds, ’mid moles, ’mid murderous mines:
Now noisy, noxious, noticed nought
Of outward obstacles opposing ought:
Poor patriots, partly purchased, partly pressed:
Quite quaking, quickly quarter, quarter quest,
Reason returns, religious right redounds,
Suwarrow stops such sanguinary sounds.
Truce to thee, Turkey—triumph to thy train!
Unjust, unwise, unmerciful Ukraine!
Vanish vain victory, vanish victory vain!
Why wish ye warfare? Wherefore welcome were
Xerxes, Ximenes, Xanthus, Xaviere?
Yield! ye youths! ye yeomen, yield your yell!
Zeno’s, Zapater’s, Zoroaster’s zeal,
And all attracting—arms against acts appeal.

THE BUNKER HILL MONUMENT CELEBRATION.

Americans arrayed and armed attend;
Beside battalions bold, bright beauties blend.
Chiefs, clergy, citizens conglomerate,—
Detesting despots,—daring deeds debate;
Each eye emblazoned ensigns entertain,—
Flourishing from far,—fan freedom’s flame.
Guards greeting guards grown grey,—guest greeting guest.
High-minded heroes, hither, homeward, haste.
Ingenuous juniors join in jubilee,
Kith kenning kin,—kind knowing kindred key.
Lo, lengthened lines lend Liberty liege love,
Mixed masses, marshaled, _Monumentward_ move.
Note noble navies near,—no novel notion,—
Oft our oppressors overawed old Ocean;
Presumptuous princes, pristine patriots paled,
Queens’ quarrel questing quotas, quondam quailed.
Rebellion roused, revolting ramparts rose.
Stout spirits, smiting servile soldiers, strove.
These thrilling themes, to thousands truly told,
Usurpers’ unjust usages unfold.
Victorious vassals, vauntings vainly veiled,
Where, whilesince, Webster, warlike Warren wailed.
’Xcuse ’xpletives ’xtra-queer ’xpressed,
Yielding Yankee yeomen zest.

PRINCE CHARLES PROTECTED BY FLORA MACDONALD.

All ardent acts affright an Age abased
By brutal broils, by braggart bravery braced.
Craft’s cankered courage changed Culloden’s cry;
“Deal deep” deposed “deal death”—“decoy,” “defy:”
Enough. Ere envy enters England’s eyes,
Fancy’s false future fades, for Fortune flies.
Gaunt, gloomy, guarded, grappling giant griefs,
Here, hunted hard, his harassed heart he heaves;
In impious ire incessant ills invests.
Judging Jove’s jealous judgments, jaundiced jests!
Kneel, kirtled knight! keep keener kingcraft known,
Let larger lore life’s levelling lessons loan:
Marauders must meet malefactors’ meeds;
No nation noisy non-conformists needs.
O oracles of old! our orb ordain
Peace’s possession—Plenty’s palmy plain!
Quiet Quixotic quests; quell quarrelling;
Rebuke red riot’s resonant rifle ring.
Slumber seems strangely sweet since silence smote
The threatening thunders throbbing through their throat.
Usurper! under uniform unwont
Vail valor’s vaguest venture, vainest vaunt.
Well wot we which were wise. War’s wildfire won
Ximenes, Xerxes, Xavier, Xenophon:
Yet you, ye yearning youth, _your_ young years yield
Zuinglius’ zealot zest—Zinzendorf zion-zealed.

CACOPHONOUS COUPLET ON CARDINAL WOLSEY.

Begot by butchers, but by bishops bred,
How high his honor holds his haughty head!

ADDRESS TO THE AURORA, WRITTEN IN MID-OCEAN.

Awake Aurora! and across all airs
By brilliant blazon banish boreal bears.
Crossing cold Canope’s celestial crown,
Deep darts descending dive delusive down.
Entranced each eve Europa’s every eye
Firm fixed forever fastens faithfully,
Greets golden guerdon gloriously grand;
How Holy Heaven holds high his hollow hand!
Ignoble ignorance, inapt indeed—
Jeers jestingly just Jupiter’s jereed:
Knavish Kamschatkans, knightly Kurdsmen know,
Long Labrador’s light lustre looming low;
Midst myriad multitudes majestic might
No nature nobler numbers Neptune’s night.
Opal of Oxus or old Ophir’s ores
Pale pyrrhic pyres prismatic purple pours,—
Quiescent quivering, quickly, quaintly queer,
Rich, rosy, regal rays resplendent rear;
Strange shooting streamers streaking starry skies
Trail their triumphant tresses—trembling ties.
Unseen, unhonored Ursa,—underneath
Veiled, vanquished—vainly vying—vanisheth:
Wild Woden, warning, watchful—whispers wan
Xanthitic Xeres, Xerxes, Xenophon,
Yet yielding yesternight yule’s yell yawns
Zenith’s zebraic zigzag, zodiac zones.

Pulci, in his _Morgante Maggiore_, xxiii. 47, gives the following remarkable double alliterations, two of them in every line:—

La _casa cosa_ parea _bretta_ e _brutta_,
_Vinta_ dal _vento_, e la _natta_ e la _notte_,
_Stilla_ le _stelle_, ch’a _tetto_ era _tutta_,
Del _pane_ ap_pena_ ne _dette_ ta’ _dotte_;
_Pere_ avea _pure_ e qualche _fratta frutta_,
E _svina_ e _scena_ di _botto_ una _botte_;
_Poscia_ per _pesci_ _lasche_ prese al_l’esca_,
Ma il _letto_ al_lotta_ alla _frasca_ fu_fresca_.

In the imitation of Laura Matilda, in the _Rejected Addresses_ occurs this stanza:—

Pan beheld Patroclus dying,
Nox to Niobe was turned;
From Busiris Bacchus flying,
Saw his Semele inurned.

TITLE-PAGE FOR A BOOK OF EXTRACTS FROM MANY AUTHORS.