Chapter XXXII: Book XIV: §Voltaire§, in his Œdipus, makes Jocasta say, (8)

This happened fifty years ago, and fifty years is a long time in the life of a human being; fifty years is a long time to go on in such a course as the woman did of whom I am speaking. She watched her father’s body, according to the custom of her people, till he was laid in the grave. Then she laid down on her bed and slept, and by night got up and set a candle in her casement, as a beacon to the fishermen and a guide. She sat by the candle all night, and trimmed it, and spun; then when the day dawned she went to bed and slept in the sunshine. So many hanks as she spun before for her daily bread, she spun still, and one over, to buy her nightly candle; and from that time to this, for fifty years, through youth, maturity, and old age, she turned night into day, and in the snow-storms of Winter, through driving mists, deceptive moonlight, and solemn darkness, that northern harbor has never once been without the light of her candle.

How many lives she saved by this candle, or how many meals she won for the starving families of the boatmen, it is impossible to say; how many a dark night the fishermen, depending on it, went fearlessly forth, cannot now be told. There it stood, regular as a light-house, and steady as constant care could make it. Always brighter when daylight waned, they had only to keep it constantly in view and they were safe; there was but one thing that could intercept it, and that was the rock. However far they might have stretched out to sea, they had only to bear down straight for that lighted window, and they were sure of a safe entrance into the harbor.

Fifty years of life and labor—fifty years of sleeping in the sunshine—fifty years of watching and self-denial, and all to feed the flame and trim the wick of that one candle! But if we look upon the recorded lives of great men and just men and wise men, few of them can show fifty years of worthier, certainly not of more successful labor. Little, indeed, of the “midnight oil” consumed during the last half century so worthily deserved trimming. Happy woman—and but for the dreaded rock her great charity might never have been called into exercise.

But what do the boatmen and the boatmen’s wives think of this? Do they pay the woman? No, they are very poor; but poor or rich they know better than that. Do they thank her? No. Perhaps they feel that thanks of theirs would be inadequate to express their obligations, or, perhaps long years have made the lighted casement so familiar that it is looked upon as a matter of course. Sometimes the fishermen lay fish on her threshold, and set a child to watch it for her till she wakes; sometimes their wives steal into her cottage, now she is getting old, and spin a hank or two of thread for her while she slumbers; and they teach their children to pass her hut quietly, and not to sing and shout before her door, lest they should disturb her. That is all. Their thanks are not looked for—scarcely supposed to be due. Their grateful deeds are more than she expects and much as she desires.

How often in the far distance of my English home, I have awoke in a wild Winter night, and while the wind and storm were arising, have thought of that northern bay, with the waves dashing against the rock, and have pictured to myself the casement, and the candle nursed by that bending, aged figure! How delighted to know that through her untiring charity the rock has long since lost more than half its terror, and to consider that, curse though it may be to all besides, it has most surely proved a blessing to her.

You, too, may perhaps think with advantage on the character of this woman, and contrast it with the mission of the rock. There are many degrees between them. Few, like the rock, stand up wholly to work ruin and destruction; few, like the woman, “let their light shine” so brightly for good. But to one of the many degrees between them we must all most certainly belong—we all lean towards the woman or the rock. On such characters you do well to speculate with me, for you have not been cheated into sympathy with ideal shipwreck or imaginary kindness. There is many a rock elsewhere as perilous as the one I told you of—perhaps there are many such women; but for this one, whose story is before you, pray that her candle may burn a little longer, since this record of her charity is true.

THIS IS NOT OUR HOME.

Among the beautiful thoughts which dropped like pearls from the pen of that brilliant and talented journalist, George D. Prentice, the following sublime extract upon man’s higher destiny is perhaps the best known and most universally admitted. Coming from such a source we can well appreciate it, for that distinguished man had attained a position among his fellows which would have satisfied almost any earthly ambition. Yet all this could not recompense him for the toils and ills of life, and in the eloquent passage subjoined he portrays, most beautifully, the restless longings of the human heart for something higher and nobler than earth can afford.

“It cannot be that earth is man’s only abiding place. It cannot be that our life is a bubble cast up by the ocean of eternity to float a moment upon its waves and sink into nothingness. Else, why these high and glorious aspirations which leap like angels from the temple of our hearts, forever wandering unsatisfied? Why is it that the rainbow and cloud come over us with a beauty that is not of earth, and then pass off to leave us to muse on their loveliness? Why is it the stars which hold their festival around the midnight throne, are set above the grasp of our limited faculties, forever mocking us with their unapproachable glory? And, finally, why is it that the bright forms of human beauty are presented to our view and taken from us, leaving the thousand streams of our affections to flow back in Alpine torrents upon our hearts? We were born for a higher destiny than earth. There is a realm where the rainbow never fades, where the stars will be spread out before us like the islands that slumber on the ocean, and where the beautiful beings that pass before us like shadows, will stay forever in our presence.”

ILL SUCCESS IN LIFE.

One of our best American writers, Geo. S. Hillard, forcibly and truly says:—

I confess that increasing years bring with them an increasing respect for men who do not succeed in life, as those words are commonly used. Heaven is said to be a place for those who have not succeeded on earth; and it is sure that celestial grace does not thrive and bloom in the hot blaze of worldly prosperity. Ill success sometimes arises from a superabundance of qualities in themselves good—from a conscience too sensitive, a taste too fastidious, a self-forgetfulness too romantic, and modesty too retiring. I will not go so far as to say, with a living poet, “that the world knows nothing of its great men,” but there are forms of greatness, or at least excellence, which “die and make no sign;” there are martyrs that miss the palm but not the stake, heroes without the laurel, and conquerors without the triumph.

FUTURITY.

“Life is sweet,” said Sir Anthony Kingston to Bishop Hooper at the stake, “and death bitter.” “True, friend,” he replied, “but consider that the death to come is more bitter, and the life to come is more sweet.”

THE HEART.

In his charming _Hyperion_, Mr. Longfellow says:—

The little I have seen of the world, and know of the history of mankind, teaches me to look upon the errors of others in sorrow, not in anger. When I take the history of one poor heart that has sinned and suffered, and represent to myself the struggles and temptations it has passed,—the brief pulsations of joy,—the feverish inquietude of hope and fear,—the tears of regret,—the feebleness of purpose,—the pressure of want,—the desertion of friends,—the scorn of a world that has little charity,—the desolation of the soul’s sanctuary,—threatening voices within,—health gone,—happiness gone,—even hope, that remains the longest, gone,—I would fain leave the erring soul of my fellow-man with Him from whose hands it came,

Even as a little girl,
Weeping and laughing in her childish sport.

EVENING PRAYER.

The day is ended. Ere I sink to sleep,
My weary spirit seeks repose in Thine.
Father, forgive my trespasses, and keep
This little life of mine.

With loving kindness curtain thou my bed,
And cool, in rest, my burning pilgrim feet;
Thy pardon be the pillow for my head;
So shall my sleep be sweet.

At peace with all the world, dear Lord, and thee,
No fears my soul’s unwavering faith can shake;
All’s well! whichever side the grave for me
The morning light may break.

BEAUTIFUL THOUGHT.

On the shores of the Adriatic sea the wives of the fishermen, whose husbands have gone far off upon the deep, are in the habit, at even-tide, of going down to the sea-shore, and singing, as female voices only can, the first stanza of a beautiful hymn; after they have sung it they will listen till they hear, borne by the wind across the desert sea, the second stanza sung by their gallant husbands, as they are tossed by the gale upon the waves, and both are happy. Perhaps, if we listen, we, too, might hear on this desert world of ours some whisper borne from afar to remind us that there is a heaven and a home; and when we sing the hymn upon earth, perhaps we shall hear its echo breaking in the music upon the sands of time, and cheering the hearts of those that are pilgrims and strangers, and look for a city that hath foundation.

LIFE’S PARTING.

Wordsworth read less and praised less the writings of other poets, than any one of his contemporaries. This gives an especial interest to the following stanza by Mrs. Barbauld, which he learned by heart, and which he used to ask his sister to repeat to him. Once, while walking in his sitting-room at Rydal, with his hands behind him, his friend, Henry Crabb Robinson heard him say: “I am not in the habit of grudging people their good things; but I wish I had written those lines:—

Life! we’ve been long together,
Through pleasant and through cloudy weather;
’Tis hard to part when friends are dear,
Perhaps ’twill cost a sigh, a tear;
Then steal away, give little warning,
Choose thine own time;
Say not good night, but in some brighter clime
Bid me good-morning.”

DESTINY.

Three roses, wan as moonlight, and weighed down
Each with its loveliness as with a crown,
Drooped in a florist’s window in a town.

The first a lover bought. It lay at rest,
Like snow on snow, that night, on beauty’s breast.

The second rose, as virginal and fair,
Shrunk in the tangles of a harlot’s hair.

The third, a widow, with new grief made wild,
Shut in the icy palm of her dead child.

SYMPATHY.

Talfourd says in his _Ion_:—

“It is little:
But in these sharp extremities of fortune,
The blessings which the weak and poor can scatter
Have their own season. ’Tis a little thing
To give a cup of water; yet its draught
Of cool refreshment, drain’d by fever’d lips,
May give a shock of pleasure to the frame
More exquisite than when nectarean juice
Renews the life of joy in happiest hours.
It is a little thing to speak a phrase
Of common comfort, which, by daily use,
Has almost lost its sense; yet, on the ear
Of him who thought to die unmourn’d, ’twill fall
Like choicest music; fill the gazing eye
With gentle tears; relax the knotted hand
To know the bonds of fellowship again;
And shed on the departing soul a sense,
More precious than the benison of friends
About the honored death-bed of the rich,
To him who else were lonely, that another
Of the great family is near and feels.”

AFTER.

After the shower, the tranquil sun;
After the snow, the emerald leaves;
Silver stars when the day is done;
After the harvest, golden sheaves.

After the clouds, the violet sky;
After the tempest, the lull of waves;
Quiet woods when the winds go by;
After the battle, peaceful graves.

After the knell, the wedding bells;
After the bud, the radiant rose;
Joyful greetings from sad farewells;
After our weeping, sweet repose.

After the burden, the blissful meed;
After the flight, the downy nest;
After the furrow, the waking seed
After the shadowy river—rest!

DEATH’S FINAL CONQUEST.

[Among the poetic legacies that will “never grow old, nor change, nor
pass away,” is the noble dirge of Shirley, in his _Contention of Ajax
and Ulysses_. Doubtless it was by the fall, if not by the death, of
Charles I., that the mind of the royalist poet was solemnized to the
creation of these imperishable stanzas. Oliver Cromwell is said, on
the recital of them, to have been seized with great terror and
agitation of mind.]

The glories of our mortal state
Are shadows, not substantial things;
There is no armor against fate;
Death lays his icy hand on kings:
Sceptre and crown
Must tumble down,
And in the dust be equal made
With the poor crooked scythe and spade.

Some men with swords may reap the field,
And plant fresh laurels where they kill;
But their strong nerves at last must yield;
They tame but one another still:
Early or late,
They stoop to fate,
And must give up their murmuring breath,
When they, pale captives, creep to death.

The garlands wither on your brow;
Then boast no more your mighty deeds;
Upon death’s purple altar now,
See where the victor-victim bleeds:
Your heads must come
To the cold tomb:—
Only the actions of the just
Smell sweet, and blossom in their dust.

THE COMMON HERITAGE.

There is no death: what seems so is transition:
This life of mortal breath
Is but a suburb of the life elysian
Whose portal we call Death.—§Longfellow.§

There is—says the author of _Euthanasy_—no universal night in this earth, and for us in the universe there is no death. What to us here is night coming on, is, on the other side of the earth, night ending, and day begun. And so what we call death, the angels may regard as immortal birth.

We are born—says another writer—with the principles of dissolution in our frame, which continue to operate from our birth to our death; so that in this sense we may be said to “die daily.” Death is not so much a laying aside our old bodies (for this we have been doing all our lives) as ceasing to assume new ones.

“Say,” said one who was about entering the Dark Valley, to his amanuensis, “that I am still in the land of the living, but expect soon to be numbered with the dead.” But, after a moment’s reflection, he added, “Stop! say that I am still in the land of the dying, but expect to be soon in the land of the living.”

Says old Jeremy Collier, The more we sink into the infirmities of age, the nearer we are to immortal youth. All people are young in the other world. That state is an eternal spring, ever fresh and flourishing. Now, to pass from midnight into noon on the sudden, to be decrepit one minute, and all spirit and activity the next, must be an entertaining change. To call this dying is an abuse of language.

The day of our decease—says Mountford—will be that of our coming of age; and with our last breath we shall become free of the universe. And in some region of infinity, and from among its splendors, this earth will be looked back upon like a lowly home, and this life of ours be remembered like a short apprenticeship to Duty.

§Mors mortis morti mortem nisi morte dedisset,
Eternæ vitæ Janua clausa foret.§

INDEX.

§Alphabetical Whims§, 25.
Alphabetical advertisement, 29.
Enigmas, 30.
Eve’s Legend, 28.
Jacobite toast, 30.
Letter H, 31.
Lipogrammata and pangrammata, 25.
Marriage of a lady to Mr. Gee, 32.
On sending a pair of gloves, 32.
The three initials, 30.
Univocalic verses, 32.

§Acrostics§, 39.
Alliterative on Miss Stephens, 45.
Brevity of human life, 48.
Burke, 42.
Chronogrammatic pasquinade, 45.
Crabbe, 42.
Death of Lord Hatherton, 40.
Dryden, 42.
Emblematic fish, 46.
Hempe, 47.
Herbert, George, 41.
Huber, 42.
Irving, 43.
Longfellow, 43.
Macaulay, 44.
Macready, 43.
Masonic memento, 47.
Monastic verse, 45.
Napoleon family, 46.
Oliver’s impromptu on Arnold, 44.
Rachel, 46.
Reynolds, 42.
Scott, Walter, 42.
Southey, 44.
Valentine, a, 49.
Wordsworth, 43.

§Alliteration§, 34.
Alphabetical, 34.
Address to the Aurora, 36.
Belgrade, siege of, 34.
Bunker Hill Monument, 34.
Prince Charles protected by Flora Macdonald, 35.
Title-page for Book of Extracts, 37.
Bevy of belles, 39.
Complimentary of chess, 37.
Couplet on Cardinal Wolsey, 35.
Felicitous flight of fancy, 38.
Hood’s Ode to Perry, 38.
Motives to gratitude, 39.
Pulci’s double alliterations, 36.
Stanza from Drury’s Dirge, 36.

§Anagrams§, 49.
Epitaphial inscriptions, 56.
Telegram anagrammatized, 56.

§Bible, the§, 103.
Accuracy of the Bible, 103.
Bibliomancy, 126.
Books belonging to, lost or unknown, 114.
Dissection of Old and New Testaments, 112.
Distinctions in the gospels, 113.
English Bible translations, 108.
Hexameters in the Bible, 115.
Misquotations from Scripture, 123.
Old and New Testament, names, 125.
Parallelism of the Hebrew poetry, 116.
Parallel passages between Shakspeare and the Bible, 119.
Scriptural bull, 124.
Scriptural sum, 126.
Selah, 114.
Similarity of sound, 118.
Testimony of learned men, 106.
True gentleman, the, 122.
Wit and humor in the Bible, 124.

§Blunders§, 259.
Blunders of translators, 263.
Mistakes of misapprehension, 262.
Serial inconsistency, 262.
Slips of the press, 259.
Slips of the telegraph, 261.

§Bouts Rimés§, 88.
Bogart’s Impromptu, 89.
Reversed rhyming ends, 90.

§Cento§, the, 73.
Biblical cento, 76.
Cento from Pope, 76.
Life, 75.
Mosaic poetry, 73.
Return of Israel, the, 77.

§Chronograms§, 57.

§Churchyard Literature§, 564.
Advertising notices, 583.
Antithesis extraordinary, 606.
Bathos, 600.
Brevity, 607.
Cento, 601.
Earth to earth, 612.
Epitaph, historical, 578.
on a chemist, 609,
dog, Byron’s, 614.
printer, 607.
transcendental, 600.
Epitaphs, aboriginal, 602.
acrostical, 601.
African, 602.
biographical, 578.
curious and puzzling, 596.
eulogistic, apt, appropriate, 570.
Greek, 603.
Hibernian, 602.
laudatory, 608.
miscellaneous, 610.
moralizing and admonitory, 581.
on eminent men, 564.
on infants and children, 575.
self-written, 580.
unique and ludicrous, 583.
Mortuary puns, 591.
Parallels without a parallel, 600.

§Concatenation, or Chain Verse§, 85.
Lasphrise’s novelties, 85.
Ringing Song, 87.
To Death, 86.
Truth, 86.
Trying skying, 87.

§Conformity of Sense to Sound§, 554.
Articulate imitation of inarticulate sounds, 554.
Imitation of difficulty and ease, 555.
time and motion, 554.

§Curious Books§, 720.
Book-amateurs, 722.
Most curious book in the world, 722.
Odd titles of old books, 720.
Silver book, 722.

§Customs, Singular§, 477.
Abyssinian beefsteaks, 478.
Beautiful superstition, 477.
Foundations of Druidical temples, 478.
Hair in seals, 481.
High life in the 15th century, 480.
Lion-catching in South Africa, 479.
Making noses, 479.
Matrimonial advertisement, 481.
Memento mori, 477.
Ostiak regard for boars, 478.
Scorning the church, 481.
Strange fondness for beauty, 477.

§Ecclesiasticæ§, 143.
Excessive civility, 143.
Bascom, eloquence of, 145.
Clerical blunders, 148.
Lord Bishop, the, 146.
Origin of texts, 147.
Preachers of Cromwell’s time, 147.
Protestant excommunication, 149.
Proving an alibi, 148.
Sermon on malt, 144.
Short sermons, 143.
Whitefield and the sailors, 149.

§Echo Verse§, 281.
Acoustics, extraordinary facts in, 289.
Bonaparte and echo, 286.
Critic’s excuse, 287.
Echo answering, 287.
and the lover, 284.
on woman, 285.
Echoes, remarkable, 288.
Gospel echo, 283.
London before the Restoration, 282.
Pasquinade, 283.
Queen Elizabeth, 282.
Song by Addison, 283.
Synod of Dort, 287.

§Emblematic Poetry§, 92.
Altar inscription, 96.
Cross, the, 94.
Crucifixion, curious piece of antiquity on, 95.
Cypher, ingenious, 96.
Essay to Miss Catharine Jay, 97.
Hindu triplet, 93.
Oxford joke, 96.
Rhomboidal dirge, 94
Typographical, 96.
Wine-glass, the, 93.

§English Words and Forms of Expression§, 182.
Compound epithets, 211.
Dictionary English, 182.
Disraelian English, 184.
Eccentric etymologies, 195.
Excise, 189.
Forlorn hope, 193.
Influence of names, 209.
I say, 186.
Its, 185.
No love lost, etc., 193.
Not Americanisms, 191.
Nouns of multitude, 184.
Odd changes of signification, 205.
Our vernacular in Chaucer’s time, 211.
Pathology, 186.
Pontiff, 190.
Pronunciation of ough, 186.
Quiz, 194.
Rough, 190.
Sources of the language, 183.
Tennyson’s English, 194.
That, 185.
That mine adversary, 195.
Ye for the, 185.

§Epigrams§, 515.
Affinities, 524.
Apollo, in return for a sketch of, 525.
Author, to a living, 518.
Bed, to our, 517.
Blades of the shears, 523.
Bonnets, 521.
Butler’s monument, 518.
Campbell’s album verse, 521.
Clock, the, 525.
Commissary Goldie’s brains, 519.
Compliment, overdrawn, 518.
Crier who could not cry, 524.
Dentist, definition of, 522.
Determination, a funny, 526.
Double vision utilized, 527.
Dum vivimus, vivamus, 516.
D.D., on a certain, 521.
Eternity, 518.
Eve and the apple, 523.
Fell, 520.
Fiddler, on a bad, 521.
Fool and poet, 516.
Fools, abundance of, 527.
Friend, to Dr. Robert, 516.
Friend, to a capricious, 519.
Friend in distress, 522.
German tourist, suggested by a, 518.
Giving and taking, 519.
Goodenough, 523.
Hog _vs._ Bacon, 522.
Hot corn, 521.
Impersonal, 524.
Invisible, 524.
Lady who married a footman, 521.
Late repentance, 517.
Law, after going to, 526.
Lawyer, on an ill-read, 520.
Lover to his mistress, with a mirror, 519.
Marriage à la mode, 526.
Marriage of Webb & Gould, 526.
Martial’s, on Epigrams, 515.
Masculine, 525.
Medical advice, 522.
Mendax, 520.
Midas and modern statesmen, 515.
Molly Aston, to, 516.
One good turn deserves another, 520.
One ignorant and arrogant, on, 516.
Pale lady with red-nosed husband, 517.
Parson and butcher, 525.
Portmanteau, clergyman’s, loss of, 518.
Queen Bess on Drake’s ship, 524.
Queen, the frugal, 519.
Quid pro quo, 527.
Reception, a warm, 522.
Reflection, a, 523.
Rogers on Ward’s speeches, 526.
Same jawbone, 526.
Selvaggi’s distich to Milton, 517.
Amplification, by Dryden, 517.
Simplicity, prudent, 522.
Sleep, inscription on a statue of, 516.
Snow, that melted on a lady’s breast, 517.
Songsters, bad, 520.
Terminer sans oyer, 527.
To ——, 519.
Wellington’s nose, 520.
What might have been, 523.
Widows, 525.
Woman,—contra, 527.
pro, 527.
Woman’s will, 520.
World, the, 527.

§Equivoque§, 64.
Age of French actresses, 71.
Double-faced creed, 66.
Fatal double meaning, 68.
Handwriting on the wall, 71.
Houses of Stuart and Hanover, 68.
Ingenious subterfuge, 65.
Love-letter, 65.
Loyalty or Jacobinism, 69.
Neat evasion, 70.
New Regime, 68.
Patriotic toast, 70.
Revolutionary verses, 67.
Richelieu’s letter to the French ambassador, 64.
Triple platform, 61.

§Facetiæ§, 482.
Association of ideas, 491.
Brevity, 484.
False friend, a, 488.
Gasconade and hoaxing, 489.
Jack Robinson, 492.
Jests of Hierocles, 482.
Mathews and the silver spoon, 489.
Old Nick, 488.
P. and Q., 491.
Relics, 490.
Royal quandary, 490.
Russian jester and his jokes, 492.
Same joke diversified, 486.
Syllogism, 488.
Titles for library-door, 482.

§Fabrications§, 269.
Ballad literature, 274.
Description of the Saviour’s person, 269.
Franklin’s parable, 275.
Hoax on Walter Scott, 269.
Ireland’s forgeries, 276.
Literary sell, 271.
Moon hoax, 270.
Mrs. Hemans’s forgeries, 271.
Sheridan’s Greek, 273.

§Familiar Quotations from Unfamiliar Sources§, 556.

§Fancies of Fact, the§, 406.
Aerolites, 443.
Alligators swallowing stones, 418.
America’s discoverers, fate of, 445.
Amount of gold in the world, 423.
Antipathies, 471.
Army of women, 446.
Auditoriums of last century, 409.
Back action, 408.
Beer-casks, capacious, 425.
Bills for strange services, 407.
Black hole at Calcutta, 427.
Broken heart, a, 467.
Chick in the egg, 416.
Cloth-manufacture, celerity of, 421.
Coincidences, singular, 412.
Colors, diversity of, 442.
Composition in dreams, 455.
Cross, true form of the, 409.
Crown of England, 446.
Crude value _vs._ industrial value, 422.
Devonshire superstition, 475.
Diameter to circumference, ratio of, 431.
Difference between English poets, 426.
Diplomatic costume, 448.
Equestrian expeditions, remarkable, 419.
Facial expression, 466.
Fear, effects of, 465.
Feline clocks, 474.
Heaven, dimensions of, 435.
Horse, wonderful, 420.
Indian and his tamed snake, 417.
Innate appetite, 417.
Kaleidoscope, changes of, 441.
Law logic, 407.
Lock, wonderful, 421.
Longevity, instances of remarkable, 449.
Marriage vow, 455.
Mathematical prodigies, 432.
Means of recognition, 454.
Melrose by sunlight, 408.
Memory extraordinary, 433.
Minute mechanism, 430.
Need of Providence, 434.
Noah’s ark and the Great Eastern, 442.
Number nine, 441.
seven, 436.
three, 440.
Opium and East Indian hemp, 461.
Painters, blunders of, 429.
Perils of precocity, 427.
Presidents, facts about the, 445.
Pithy prayer, 408.
Quantity and value, 422,
Reciprocal conversion, 407.
Romans, immense wealth of the, 424.
Romantic highwayman, 476.
Salt as a luxury, 428.
Self-immolation, 434.
Sensation and intelligence after decapitation, 469.
Sheep, habits of, 418.
Silent compliment, 434.
Skull that had a tongue, 475.
Sleep, facts about, 456.
Solomon’s temple, cost of, 435.
Star in the East, 447.
Stone barometer, 428.
Strychnia, bitterness of, 428.
Sympathy, strange instance of, 473.
Taste, singular change of, 429.
Walking blindfolded, 473.
Wine at two millions a bottle, 425.
Wounds of Julius Cæsar, 406.

§Flashes of Repartee§, 495.

§Hiberniana§, 252.

§Historical Memoranda§, 782.
American monarchy, 786.
Amy Robsart, 808.
Annie Laurie, 804.
Biter bit, 818.
Blücher, 794.
Contemporary criticism, 798.
Discovery of America, 803.
Empire (the) is peace, 794.
First blood of the Revolution, 782.
Flight of Eugenie, 789.
French tricolor, 788.
Great events from little causes, 800.
History and fiction, 797.
Jefferson on Marie Antoinette, 794.
Joan of Arc, 807.
Last night of the Girondists, 819.
Mary Magdalene, the traditional, 796.
Mother Goose, 797.
Mother of Charles, V., 795.
Napoleon III., 793.
Political gamut, 788.
Quaker malignants, 786.
Queen Elizabeth’s ring, 822.
Robin Adair, 805.
Signing Declaration of Independence, 802.
Star-spangled banner, 787.
Tea-party and tea-burning, 783.
Time of Le Grand Monarque, 815.
United States Navy, 784.
William Tell, 810.

§Historical Similitudes§, 679.
Art stories, 689.
Ballads and legends, 690.
Battles, 697.
Bishop Hatto, 698.
Burial alive, 692.
Death prophecies, 696.
History repeating itself, 681.
Judgment of Solomon, 685.
Legend of Beth Gelert, 686.
Precedency, 685.
Refusal to separate from kindred, 679.
Ring stories, 695.
Two statesmen, the, 683.

§Humors of Versification§, 230.
Bryant as a humorist, 235.
Curse of O’Kelly, 250.
Elegy on Buckland, 233.
Human ear, the, 238.
Lovers, the, 230.
Ologies, the, 244.
Receipt of a rare pipe, 236.
Reiterative vocal music, 248.
Reminiscence of Troy, 234.
Sir Tray, 240.
Song with variations, 231.
Stammering wife, 231.
Thoughts while rocking the cradle, 232.
Variation humbug, 246.

I. H. S., 130.
Anticipatory use of the cross, 135.
Beautiful legend, 131.
Death-warrant of Jesus Christ, 134.
De nomine Jesu, 130.
Description of the Saviour’s person, 133.
Double hexameter, 135.
Flower of Jesse, the, 131.
Persian apologue, 132.

§Impromptus§, 528.

§Inscriptions§, 615.
Beer-jug, inscription on, 621.
Bells, inscriptions on, 623.
Books, fly-leaf inscriptions in, 627.
English inns in olden time, 622.
Æolian harp, inscription on, 633.
Francke’s discovery, 636.
Golden mottoes, 636.
House inscriptions, 634.
Memorials, 635.
Motto on a clock, 631.
Posies from wedding-rings, 636.
Spring, inscription over, 633.
Sun-dial inscriptions, 632.
Tavern-signs, 615.
Watch-paper inscription, 631.
Wedding ring, Lady Grey’s, 639.
Window-pane inscriptions, 622.

§Interrupted Sentences§, 277.

§Life and Death§, 826.
After, 850.
Beautiful thought, 848.
Bodies, preserved, 836.
Bone not described by modern anatomists, 832.
Charter, rhyming, 830.
Common heritage, the, 851.
Corpses, folly of embalming, 839.
Death’s final conquest, 851.
Definitions, rhyming, 830.
Destiny, 849.
Dying words of distinguished persons, 833.
Earth, 830.
Evening prayer, 848.
Fleur-de-lis, the, 843.
Futurity, 847.
Heart, the, 848.
Ill success in life, 847.
Imprecatory epitaph, 843.
Lawyers, nice questions for, 831.
Life, beautiful illustrations of 826.
Life’s parting, 849.
Living life over again, 829.
Mary, Queen of Scots, last prayer of, 835.
Moral code, Dr. Franklin’s, 828.
Plagues of Egypt, 843.
Questions for discussion, 836.
Remarkable trance, 835.
Round of life, the, 827.
Rules of living, 828.
Story of long ago, 844.
Sympathy, 850.
This is not our home, 846.
Time, employment of, 829.
Tripod, the, 843.
Whimsical will, 843.

§Literariana§, 723.
Additional verses to Sweet Home, 746.
Anachronisms of Shakspeare, 742.
Books and studies, 755.
Comfort for book lovers, 753.
Conflicting testimony of eye-witnesses, 750.
Gray’s elegy, 729.
Hamlet’s age, 745.
Hamlet’s insanity, 746.
Heraldry, Indian, 741.
Letters and their endings, 754.
Letters of Junius, 723.
Old paper, an, 753.
Parting interview of Hector and Andromache, 734.
Pope’s versification, 737.
Punctuation, importance of, 738.
Shakspeare and typography, 744.
Shakspeare’s heroines, 744.
Shakspeare’s sonnets, 745.
Stereotyped falsehoods of history, 747.
Wit and humor, 751.

§Literati§, 756.
Attainments of linguists, 756.
Culture and sacrifice, 761.
Dryden and his publisher, 762.
Literary oddities, 758.
Literary screw, 762.

§Lord’s Prayer, the§, 136.
Acrostical paraphrase, 139.
Echoed, 141.
Gothic version, 136.
Illustrated, 138.
In an acrostic, 142.
Metrical versions, 137.
Spirit of the prayer, 136.
Thy and us, 136.

§Macaronic Verse§, 78.
Am Rhein, 83.
Cat and rats, 82.
Contenti abeamus, 81.
Death of the sea serpent, 84.
Fly-leaf scribbling, 82.
Maginn’s alternations, 80.
Parting address to a friend, 83.
Polyglot inscription, 83.
Suitor with nine tongues, 80.
Treatise of wine, 78.

§Memoria Technica§, 327.
Books of the old Testament, 327.
New Testament, 327.
Days in each month, 330.
Decalogue, the, 329.
English sovereigns, 328.
Metrical Grammar, 330.
Presidents of the United States, 328.
Shakspeare’s plays, 328.

§Metric Prose§, 223.
Cowper’s letter to Newton, 223.
Disraeli’s Tale of Alvoy, 224.
Example in Irving’s New York, 224.
Involuntary versification in the scriptures, 228.
Johnson on involuntary metre, 229.
Kemble and Siddons, 229.
Lincoln’s second inaugural, 229.
Nelly’s funeral, 225.
Niagara, 227.
Night, 227.
Unintentional rhymes of prosers, 228.

§Misquotations§, 266.

§Monosyllables§, 98.
Power of short words, 102.

§Moslem Wisdom§, 508.
Alexandrian Library, the, 510.
Mohammedan logic, 509.
Shrewd decision of Ali, 508.
Turkish expedients, 510.
Wisdom of Ali, 508.

§Multum in Parvo§, 823.

§Name of God, the§, 127.
God in Shakspeare, 128.
Jehovah, 128.
Orthography, 127.
Parsee, Jew, and Christian, 129.

§Nothing New under the Sun§, 375.
Ærial navigation, 382.
Anæsthesia, 383.
Attraction of gravitation, 390.
Auscultation and Percussion, 392.
Boomerang, the, 389.
Circulation of the blood, 382.
Discovery of America, predictions of, 393.
Early invention of rifling, 390.
Magnetic telegraph, foreshadowings of, 375.
Steam-power, first discoveries of, 378.
Stereoscope, the, 393.
Table-moving and alphabet-rapping, 391.

§Origin of Things Familiar§, 331.
All Fools’ day, 332.
American flag, 355.
Bottled ale, 343.
Blue stocking, 366.
Brother Jonathan, 356.
Bumper, 340.
Cards, 336.
Cock fighting, 364.
Dollar-mark, 357.
Drinking healths, 346.
Dun, 340.
Earliest newspapers, 372.
Feather in one’s cap, 346.
First doctors, 368.
epigram, 371.
forged bank-note, 367.
piano-forte, 367.
prayer in Congress, 370.
printing by steam, 373.
reporters, 371.
telegraphic message, 373.
thanksgiving proclamation, 368.
Flag of England, 365.
Foolscap paper, 366.
Friction matches, 365.
Humbug, 340.
India-rubber, 364.
Kicking the bucket, 340.
La Marseillaise, 350.
Mind your P’s and Q’s, 331.
News, 372.
Nine tailors make a man, 346.
Old Hundred, 349.
Order of the garter, 345.
Over the left, 339.
Pasquinades, 341.
Postpaid envelopes, 349.
Potato, the, 343.
Royal saying, 340.
Signature of the cross, 348.
Skedaddle, 366.
Stockings, 344.
Sub rosa, 338.
Tarring and feathering, 344.
Turkish crescent, 348.
Turncoat, 364.
Uncle Sam, 357.
Various inventions and customs, 358.
Viz., 347.
Word Book, 346.
Yankee Doodle, 353.

§O. S. and N. S.§, 325.
Gregorian calendar, 325.
Results of change in style, 326.

§Palindromes§, 59.

§Parallel Passages§, 640.
Historical similitudes, 679.
Shaksperean Resemblances, 677.
Plagiarism of Charles Reade, 677.

§Paronomasia§, 155.
Ben, the sailor, 162.
Book-larceny, 164.
Classical puns and mottoes, 172.
Court-fool’s pun on Laud, 181.
Dr. Johnson’s pun, 160.
Epitaph on an old horse, 165.
Erskine’s toast, 160.
Holmes on Achilles, 162.
Grand scheme of emigration, 166.
Marionettes, 168.
Miss-nomers, the, 180.
Mottoes of English peerage, 174.
Old joke versified, 161.
Perilous practice of punning, 167.
Plaint of the old pauper, 163.
Printer’s epitaph, 161.
Pungent chapter, 157.
Russian double entendre, 171.
Sheridan’s compliment, 162.
Short road to wealth, 159.
Sonnet, 168.
Sticky, 162.
Swift’s Latin puns, 169.
Sydney Smith’s pun, 160.
Tom Moore, 161.
To my nose, 163.
Top and bottom, 161.
Unconscious puns, 171.
Vegetable girl, the, 164.
Whiskers vs. razor, 162.
Winter, 160.
Women, 162.

Jeux de Mots, 175.
Anagrammatic, 175.
Iterative, 175.
Bees of the Bible, 179.
Catalectic monody, 177.
Crooked Coincidences, 181.
Fair letter, 176.
Franklin’s Re’s, 179.
November, 178.
On the death of Kildare, 177.
Schott and Willing, 177.
Swarm of Bees, 179.
Turn to the left, 177.
Write written right, 177.
Spiritual, 175.

§Persian Poetry, excerpta from§, 511.
Beauty’s prerogative, 511.
Broken hearts, 511.
Caliph and Satan, 513.
Double plot, 512.
Earth an illusion, 511.
Folly for one’s self, 512.
Fortune and worth, 511.
From Mirtsa Schaffy, 512.
Generous man, to a, 511.
Heaven an echo of earth, 511.
Impossibility, the, 512.
Moral atmosphere, a, 511.
Proud humility, 512.
Sober drunkenness, 512.
Wine-drinker’s metaphors, 512.
World’s unappreciation, the, 513.

§Personal Sketches and Anecdotes§, 763.
André Major, 767.
André and Arnold, 768.
Bonaparte, name in Greek, 764.
personal appearance of, 765.
Milton and Napoleon, 764.
opinion of suicide, 765.
Cromwell, Oliver, 776.
Elizabeth, Queen, 774.
Flamsteed, the astronomer, 769.
Franklin’s wife, 766.
Lafayette’s republicanism, 764.
Luther, 771.
Nelson’s sang-froid, 769.
Pope’s skull, 779.
Porson, 781.
Shakspeare’s orthodoxy, 776.
Talleyrandiana, 780.
Washington’s dignity, 763.
Wickliffe’s ashes, 779.

§Prototypes§, 699.
Air cushions, 702.
Cat in the adage, 702.
Charge of Light Brigade, 700.
Cinderella’s slipper, 699.
Consequential damages, 705.
Cork-legs, 702.
Curtain lectures, 700.
Excommunication, 706.
Falls of Lanark, 706.
Faust legends, 701.
Franklin, Turgot’s epigraph on, 707.
Know-Nothings, the, 709.
Mecklenburg Declaration of Independence, 708.
Napoleon I., 706.
Oldest proverb, 699.
Old ballads, 715.
Original Shylock, 705.
Pilgrim’s Progress, original of, 710.
Plagiarism, great literary, 715.
Pope’s bull against the comet, 703.
Proverb misascribed to Defoe 713.
Robinson Crusoe: who wrote it, 712.
Scandinavian skull-cups, 714.
Shakspeare said it first, 699.
Swapping horses, 703.
Trade-unions, 704.
Use of language, 714.
Wandering Jew, 716.
Wooden nutmegs, 703.

§Puritan Peculiarities§, 150.
Baptismal names, 150.
Connecticut Blue Laws, extracts from, 153.
Punishments, 151.
Similes, 151.
Virginia penalties in old times, 152.

§Puzzles§, 290.
Bonapartean cypher, 292.
Book of riddles, 299.
Canning’s riddle, 294.
Case for the lawyers, 293
Chinese tea-song, 298.
Cowper’s riddle, 294.
Curiosities of cipher, 301.
Death and life, 298.
Galileo’s logograph, 297.
Newton’s riddle, 294.
Number of the beast, 297.
Persian riddles, 298.
Prize enigma, 294.
Prophetic distich, 296.
Quincy’s comparison, 295.
Rebus, the, 299.
Bacon motto, 299.
French, 291.
Singular intermarriages, 296.
What is it? 299.
Wilberforce’s puzzle, 301.

§Reason Why§, 310.
Boston, 311.
Cardinal’s red hat, 312.
Cutting off with a shilling, 312.
Genealogy, 313.
Huguenots, 311.
Juggler’s mystery, 314.
Roast beef of England, 313.
Royal demise, 311.
Sensible quack, 313.
Weathercocks, 312.
Why Germans eat sauer-kraut, 310.
Why Pennsylvania settled, 311.

§Refractory Rhyming§, 534.

§Sexes, the§, 501.
Female society, 505.
Happy woman, character of, 502.
Letter to a Bride, 507.
My Mother, 506.
Parallel of the sexes, 505.
Praise of women, 504.
Wife,—mistress,—lady, 505.

§Sonnets§, 551.
Ave Maria, 553.
Dyspepsia, 552.
Humility, 553.
In a fashionable church, 551.
Nose, about a, 552.
Proxy saint, the, 552.
Writing a sonnet, 551.

§Tall Writing§, 212.
Anatomist to his dulcinea, 221.
Borde’s prologue, 215.
Burlesque of Dr. Johnson’s style, 217.
Chemical valentine, 220.
Clear as mud, 218.
Domicile erected by John, 212.
Foote’s farrago, 216.
From the Curiosities of Advertising, 213.
From the Curiosities of the Post-office, 214.
Indignant letter, 219.
Intramural æstivation, 220.
Mad poet, the, 216.
Newspaper eulogy, 218.
Ode to Spring, 221.
Pristine proverbs for precocious pupils, 222.
Spanish play-bill, 215.
Transcendentalism, definition of, 212.

§Triumphs of Ingenuity§, 395.
Choosing a king, 402.
Discovery of the planet Neptune, 395.
Discovery of Vulcan, 396.
King John and the abbot, 403.
Lesson worth learning, 402.
Stratagem of Columbus, 399.

§Valentines§, 544.
Burns, verses of, 546.
Cardiac effusion, 547.
Colored man’s valentine, 549.
Cryptographic correspondence, 544.
Digby to Archabella, 548.
Egyptian serenade, 549.
Lover to his sweetheart, 547.
Macaronic, 548.
Macaulay’s valentine, 545.
Moore, verses of, 549.
Strategic love-letter, 544.
Teutonic alliteration, 546.
Written in sympathetic ink, 544.
Petitions, 550.
Maids and widows, the, 550.
Maladroit appeal, 550.

§Weather-Wisdom§, 317.
Davy on weather-omens, 317.
Sheridan’s rhyming calendar, 317.
Signs of the weather, 320.
Unlucky days, 324.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES

1. Did not change the various spellings of Shakspeare and Shakespeare. 2. The publisher sometimes left aligned consecutive poems by different authors but usually did not (including the chapter on parallel construction). To be consistent all poems with citations have been centered. 3. Changed “Grand Scheme of Education” to “Grand Scheme of Emigration” on p. x to agree with subheading on p. 166. 4. Changed ‘Disraeli’s “Alray”’ to ‘Disraeli’s “Alroy”’ on p.xi. 5. Changed “you sins” to “your sins” on p. 37. 6. Changed “Falloit-it que le ciel me rendit amoureux” to “Falloit-il que le ciel me rendit amoureux” on p. 86. 7. Changed “hateful lax levied” to “hateful tax levied” on p. 189. 8. Changed “takes else’s” to “takes someone else’s” on p. 216. 9. Changed “D’Israeli’s _Wondrous Tale of Alvoy_” to “D’Israeli’s _Wondrous Tale of Alroy_” on p.224. 10. Changed “Petri Andraæ Matthioli” to “Petri Andreæ Matthioli” on p. 310. 11. Changed “of conversation was” to “of conversion was” on p. 407. 12. Changed “to protects us” to “to protect us” on p. 434. 13. Added a chapter heading “The Fancies of Fact.-§Continued§” on p. 435 per the Table of Contents. 14. Changed “ΕΣΤΗΙΕ, ΠΙΝΕ, ΠΑΙΖΕ. ὩΣ Τ’ ΑΛΛΑ ΤΟΥΤΟΥ ΟΥΚ ΑΞΙΑ” to “ΕΣΤΗΙΕ, ΠΙΝΕ, ΠΑΙΖΕ. ὩΣ ΤΑΛΛΑ ΤΟΥΤΟΥ ΟΥΚ ΑΞΙΑ” on p. 596. 15. Changed “ON TWO NEIGHBORING” to “ON THREE NEIGHBORING” on p. 604. 16. Changed “Wer nicht liebt Wein, Weiber, und Gesang” to “Wer nicht liebt Wein, Weib, und Gesang” on p. 771. 17. Changed “Trom Kirk of Edinb.” to “Tron Kirk of Edinb.” on p. 804. 18. Silently corrected typographical errors. 19. Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed. 20. Enclosed italics font in _underscores_. 21. Enclosed bold font in =equals=. 22. Enclosed small cap font in §section signs§. 23. Superscripts are denoted by a caret before a single superscript character, e.g. M^r. 24. Upside down text is denoted by ®registered sign®. Consecutive lines should be read in reverse order as if the page was turned over. 25. Text rotated 90 degrees is denoted by ©copyright sign©. 26. The column width exceeds 72 characters wherever the essence of the text would be destroyed by allowing text to wrap.