Chapter IV: Part 4

The larger post-offices have received vast quantities of the letter-sheets (now discontinued), Columbian 1c., 2c., and 5c. envelopes, 2c. 1890 adhesives, and a lot of odds and ends.

Argentine, Sweden, and South American stamps will probably show large advances in the 1897 catalogues.

PHILATUS.

The best is not always low in price, but the housekeeper can have the best soap without extravagance.

Ivory Soap costs little, but experienced persons know that no other can do the same work and do it as well.

THE PROCTER & GAMBLE CO., CIN'TI.

FOOTBALL AND OTHER SPORTS

* * * * *

A PRIMER OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL

By W. H. LEWIS. Illustrated from Instantaneous Photographs and with Diagrams. 16mo, Paper, 75 cents.

There is probably no other man in America who has had as much
football experience or who knows more about the game than Mr.
Lewis.... Of value not only to beginners, but to any one who wishes
to learn more about football.... We heartily recommend it as the
best practical guide to football we have yet discovered.--_Harvard
Crimson_, Cambridge.

Written by a man who has a most thorough knowledge of the game, and
is in language any novice may understand.--_U. of M. Daily_,
University of Michigan.

Will be read with enthusiasm by countless thousands of boys who
have found previous works on the subject too advanced and too
technical for beginners.--_Evangelist_, N. Y.

Beginners will be very grateful for the gift, for no better book
than this of Mr. Lewis's could be placed in their hands.--_Saturday
Evening Gazette_, Boston.

_New Edition of_

CAMP'S AMERICAN FOOTBALL

By WALTER CAMP. New and Enlarged Edition. 16mo, Cloth, $1.25.

The progress of the sport of football in this country, and a
corresponding growth of inquiry as to the methods adopted by
experienced teams, have prompted the publication of an enlarged
edition of this book. Should any of the suggestions herein
contained conduce to the further popularity of the game, the object
of the writer will be attained.--_Author's Preface._

_BY THE SAME AUTHOR:_

FOOTBALL FACTS AND FIGURES. Post 8vo, Paper, 75 cents.

TRACK ATHLETICS IN DETAIL

Compiled by the Editor of "Interscholastic Sport" in HARPER'S ROUND TABLE. Illustrated from Instantaneous Photographs. 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1.25. In "HARPER'S ROUND TABLE Library."

A good book to put into the hands of the athletically inclined. It
is capitally illustrated with instantaneous photographs, and is
full of expert and sound advice and instruction.--_Outlook_, N. Y.

* * * * *

HARPER & BROTHERS, Publishers, New York

A MATTER OF DIRECTION.

A little boy met on his way to school
A savage old bear in the forest cool.
"Which way is he going?" growled Bruin, aside.
"The same way as you, sir," the laddie replied.

* * * * *

"I wonder why they call that a lady-bug?" queried Harry.

"Because it's got good manners and behaves itself, and doesn't go shouting around like a boy, I guess," said Polly.

* * * * *

HUMBUGS AMONG ANIMALS.

One who has deeply studied the habits of animals has discovered that there are humbugs among them.

In military stables horses are known to have pretended to be lame in order to avoid going to a military exercise. A chimpanzee had been fed on cake when sick; after his recovery he often feigned coughing in order to procure dainties.

The cuckoo, as is well known, lays its eggs in another bird's nest, and, to make the deception surer, it takes away one of the other bird's eggs. Animals are conscious of their deceit, as is shown by the fact that they try to act secretly and noiselessly; they show a sense of guilt if detected; they take precautions in advance to avoid discovery; in some cases they manifest regret and repentance. Thus bees which steal hesitate often before and after their exploits, as if they feared punishment.

A naturalist describes how his monkey committed theft. While he pretended to sleep, the animal regarded him with hesitation, and stopped every time his master moved or seemed on the point of awakening.

* * * * *

BICYCLE LINGO.

FRED. "The route I have in mind extends about two miles along the Hudson."

SMALL BROTHER. "Where does the tree stop?"

EDITH. "Where are you going to spend your vacation?"

BESSIE. "Mamma wanted to go to the Falls, but papa said that if she went to a bicycle academy she could see all the falls she cared to."

* * * * *

"Ha!" said Wallie, jeering at Maude for being a girl, "you can't ever be President of the United States."

"I know I can't," retorted Maude, "and I don't believe you can, either. You'd talk too much to get elected."

* * * * *

A COW'S MOO.

A very small girl was learning to write. Her teacher ruled the slate and set her "copies," and Lucy took great pains with the pot-hooks and round o's with which she began. One day the teacher set down something new for Lucy to copy. M--o--o--Moo.

"What is it?" asked Lucy, with a puzzled look.

"That is 'Moo.' The noise a cow makes, Lucy. See, it is made up of pot-hooks and round o's, just what you have been learning on."

So Lucy sat down and prepared to copy "Moo." But she did it in a queer way. She made an M at the beginning of each line, and followed each M with a whole string of o's all across the slate, like this, Mooooo.

"But that isn't right, Lucy," said the teacher, when the little girl showed her the slate. "You must copy the word as I have written it. So--Moo."

Lucy looked at the teacher's copy, and then at her own attempts, and then she shook her head decidedly.

"Well, I think mine _is_ right, Miss Jones," she said. "For I never saw a cow that gave such a short 'Moo' as you wrote down!"

* * * * *

"Well, Tommie, I suppose you are the smartest boy in your class?"

"Yes, sir," said Tommie. "Teacher says I'm too smart."

* * * * *

A GRATEFUL MILLIONAIRE.

The recent troubles in Africa have called public attention to a large number of interesting persons living in the southern portion of that continent. Among others who have been conspicuously noticed is Mr. "Barney" Barnato, who has made a great fortune in Africa, and of whom a Cape Town journal tells the following interesting anecdote: When a boy Mr. Barnato went to the London Jews' Free School, which has produced so many leading Jews of the day. When he left, his teacher, who was much attached to him, gave him a penny and his blessing. The years rolled by, the friendless youth had made his wonderful career in South Africa, and the little "Barney" had become a personage. About the time when half London and Paris were going crazy over the flotation of the Barnato Bank, "Barney" was seized with a fancy to visit his old school-master. With great difficulty he managed to hunt up the old man.

"Do you recollect," he said, when they met--"do you recollect giving your little 'Barney' a penny when he left school thirty years ago? Here it is back again, and with compound interest," and therewith he handed the school-master a check for £105.

* * * * *

"Popper," said Sammie, "I'm writing a letter to Jimmie Perkins about my turkle. How many k's are there in turkle?"

* * * * *

"I'm going to be a piano-tuner when I grow up," said Walter. "You can bang on the keys and take it all apart as much as you please, and _get paid for doing it, too_."

End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, November 3, 1896, by Various