Chapter VIII: Part 8

First day of the last month of the year--go it, old fellow! I'm sick of the road, and would be at my journey's end. Got two hundred dollars from my father, and immediately after breakfast sallied forth: paid bills and visits, and came home. Found my father sitting with our kinsman, Mr. ----, busily discussing the family origin, root, branches, and all. We are an old family, they say, but the direct line is lost after Charles the Second's reign. Our kinsman is a nice man, with a remarkably fine face, with which I was greatly struck. When he was gone, persuaded my father to come down and take a breathing on the Battery with me. And a breathing it was with a vengeance. The wind blew tempestuously, the waters, all troubled and rough, were of a yellow green colour, breaking into short, strong, angry waves, whose glittering white crests the wind carried away, as they sank to the level surface again. The shores were all cold, distinct, sharp-cut, and wintry-looking, the sky was black and gloomy, with now and then a watery wan sunlight running through it. The wind was so powerful, we could scarcely keep our legs. My sleeves and skirts fluttered in the blast, my bonnet was turned front part behind, my nose was blue, my cheeks were crimson, my hair was all tangled, my breath was gone, my blood was in a glow: what a walk! Met dear Dr. ----, whom I love. Came in--dined. After dinner, bethought me that I had not called upon Mrs. ----, according to promise. Sent for a coach, and set forth thither; didn't know the number, so drove up Spring Street, and down Spring Street, and finally stopped at a shop, got a directory, and found the address. Sat a few minutes with her, and at five o'clock left her. The day was already gone--the _gloamin_ come. The keen cutting wind whizzed along the streets; huge masses of dark clouds, with soft brown edges, lay on the pale delicate blue of the evening sky. The moon was up, clear, cold, and radiant; the crowd had ebbed away from the busy thoroughfare, and only a few men in great-coats buttoned up to their chins, and women wrapped in cloaks, were scudding along in the dim twilight and the bitter wind towards their several destinations, with a frozen shuddering look that made me laugh. I had got perished in the coach, and seeing that the darkness covered me, determined to walk home, and bade the coach follow me. How pleasant it was! I walked tremendously fast, enjoying the fresh breath of the north, and looking at the glittering moon, as she rode high in the evening sky. How I do like walking alone--being alone; for this alone I wish I were a man. At half-past five, went to the theatre. The house was crammed; play, Hunchback. I missed ---- from his accustomed seat, and found that like a very politician he had changed sides. I played abominably; my voice was weak and fagged. After the play, Katharine and Petruchio. I played that better; my father was admirable--it went off delightfully. When it was over, they called for my father, and with me in his hand he went on. The pit rose to us like Christians, and shouted and hallooed as I have been used to hear. I felt sorry to leave them: they are a pleasant audience to act to, and exceedingly civil to us, and I have got rather attached to them. New York, too, seems nearer home than any other place, and I felt sorry to leave it. When we had withdrawn, and were going up stairs, we heard three distinct and tremendous cheers. On asking what that meant, we learnt 'twas a compliment to us--thank 'em kindly. Came home: found Mr. ---- had sent me Contarini Fleming. Began reading it, and could scarce eat my supper for doing so.

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_Sunday, 2d._

While dressing, received a "sweet note" from Mrs. ----, accompanied with a volume of Bryant's poetry, which, as I like very much, I am her obliged. Swallowed two mouthfuls of bread, and away to church. It was very crowded, and a worthy woman had taken possession of the corner seat in Mr. ----'s pew, with a fidgetting little child, which she kept dancing up and down every two minutes: though in church, I wished for the days of King Herod. What strange thoughts did occur to me to-day during service! 'Tis the first Sunday in Advent. The lesson for the day contained the history of the Annunciation. What a mystery our belief is! how seldom it is that we consider and, as it were, _take hold_ of what we say we believe, and when we do so, how bewildered and lost we become,--how lost among a thousand wild imaginations,--how driven to and fro by a thousand doubts,--how wrecked amidst a thousand fears! Surely we should be humble: we should indeed remember that we _cannot know_, and not strive for that knowledge which our souls will lose themselves in seeking for, and our overstrained minds crack in reaching at.

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At the end of service they sang Luther's hymn. I cried with nervous excitement, not at that, but at my recollection of Braham's singing it with that terrible trumpet accompaniment, that used to make my heart stand still and listen. Stayed and took the sacrament.

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Came home: found a whole regiment of men. His honour the Recorder, who is my especial delight, Mr. ----, ----, whom I greatly affection; to these presently entered Mr. ---- and Mr. ----. They one by one bade me good-by; how disagreeable that is, that good-by! Mr. ---- read me a passage out of one of Jeffrey's letters, describing an English fine lady. The picture is admirable, and most faithful; they are, indeed, polished, brilliant, smooth as ice, as slippery, as treacherous, as cold. When they were all gone, Colonel ---- gave me to read the descriptive sketch of the French opera, La Tentation, that has been setting all Paris wild. What an atrocious piece of blasphemy, indecency, and folly--what a thoroughly French invention. Mad people! mad people! mad people! Looked over bills, settled accounts, righted desk, tore up papers; among others, sundry anonymous love-letters that I had treasured up as specimens of the purely funny in composition, but which began to take up too much room. Dressed for dinner. After dinner, sat writing journal, and reading Contarini Fleming.

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_Monday, 3d._

Rose at half-past four. The sky was black as death, but in the night winter had chopped his mantle on the earth, and there it lay, cold, and purely white, against the inky sky. Dressed: crammed away all the gleanings of the packing, and in thaw, and sleet, and rain, drove down to the steam-boat. Went directly to the cabin. On my way thither, managed to fall down half-a-dozen steep steps, and give myself as many bruises. I was picked up and led to a bed, where I slept profoundly till breakfast time. Our kinsman, Mr. ----, was our fellow-passenger: I like him mainly. After breakfast, returned to my crib. As I was removing Contarini Fleming, in order to lie down, a _lady_ said to me, "Let me look at one of those books;" and, without further word of question of or acknowledgment, took it from my hand, and began reading. I was a _little surprised_, but said nothing, and went to sleep. Presently I was roused by a pull on the shoulder, and another lady, rather more civil, and particularly considerate, asked me to do her the favour of lending her the other. I said, by all manner of means, wished her at the devil, and turned round to sleep once more. Arrived at Amboy, we disembarked and bundled ourselves into our coach, ourselves, our namesake, and a pretty quiet lady, who was going, in much heaviness of heart, to see a sick child. The roads were unspeakable; the day most delightfully disagreeable. My bruises made the saltatory movements of our crazy conveyance doubly torturing; in short, all things were the perfection of misery. I attempted to read, but found it utterly impossible to do so. Arrived at the Delaware, we took boat again; and, as I was sitting very quietly reading Contarini Fleming, with the second volume lying on the stool at my feet, the same unceremonious lady who had _borrowed_ it before snatched it up without addressing a single syllable to me, read as long as she pleased, and threw it down again in the same style when she went to dinner. Now I know that half the people here, if they were to read that in Mrs. Trollope, would say, "Oh, but you know she could not have been a lady, 'tis not fair to judge of our manners by the vulgar specimens of American society which a steam-boat may afford." Very true: but granting that she was _not_ a lady (which she certainly was not), supposing her to have been a housemaid, or any thing else of equal pretensions to good breeding, the way to judge is by comparing her, not with ladies in other countries, but with housemaids, persons in her own condition of life; and 'tis most certain that no person whatsoever, however ignorant, low, or vulgar, in England, would have done such a thing as that. But the mixture of the republican feeling of equality peculiar to this country, and the usual want of refinement common to the lower classes of most countries, forms a singularly felicitous union of impudence and vulgarity, to be met with no where but in America.[74] Arrived at the Mansion House, which I was quite glad to see again. Installed myself in a room, and, while they brought in the packages, finished Contarini Fleming. It reminded me of Combes' book: I wonder whether he is turning phrenologist at all? those physiological principles were the bosom friends of the Combes' phrenological ones. Stowed away my things, made a delicious huge wood fire, dressed myself, and went down to dinner. Our kinsman dined with us. Mr. ---- came in while we were at dinner. After dinner, came up to my room, continued unpacking and putting away my things till near nine o'clock. When we went down to tea, my father was lying on the sofa asleep, and a man was sitting with his back to the door, reading the newspaper. He looked up as we came in: it was ----, whom I greatly rejoiced to see again. During tea, he told us all the Philadelphia gossip. So the ladies are all getting up upon horses, and wearing the "_Kemble_ cap," as they call Lady ----'s device. How she would laugh if she could hear it; how I did laugh when I did hear it. The Kemble cap, forsooth! thus it is that great originators too often lose the fame of their inventions, and that the glory of a _new idea_ passes by the head that conceived it, to encircle, as with a halo, that of some mere imitator; thus it is that this very big world comes to be called America, and not Columbia, as it _ought to_; thus it is--etc., etc., etc. He sat for some time. Saw poor Mrs. ----.

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She is better, poor thing; I like her amazingly.

_Tuesday, 4th._

After breakfast practised for two hours. ---- called and stayed some time. Came up to my own room; wrote journal: while doing so a note containing two cards, and an invitation to "tea," from the Miss ----s was brought to me. Presently I was called down to receive our kinsman, who sat some time with me, whom I like most especially, who is a gentleman, and a very nice person. Came up and resumed my journal: was again summoned down to see young Mr. ----.

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When he was gone, finished journal, wrote to Mrs. ----, to my mother, read a canto in Dante, and began to write a novel. Dined at five. After dinner, put out things for this evening, played on the piano, mended habit shirt, dressed myself, and at a quarter to ten went to the theatre for my father. I had on the same dress I wore at Devonshire House, the night of the last ball I was at in England, and looked at myself in amazement, to think of all the strangenesses that have befallen since then. We proceeded to Miss ----'s, and this tea-party turned out to be a very crowded dance, in small rooms upon carpets, and with a roasting fire. Was introduced to all the world and his wife. Dr. ---- claimed acquaintance with us, and danced with me: I like his manners very much. I have beheld Miss ----, and should doubtless now depart in peace.

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Lord! Lord! what fools men and women do make themselves. Was introduced to one Mr. ----, Mr. ----'s partner, whom I received graciously for the sake of the good days on board the Pacific. Came away at a little after twelve. I never felt any thing like the heat of the rooms, or heard any thing so strange as the questions the people ask one, or saw any thing more lovely than the full moonlight on the marble buildings of Philadelphia.

_Wednesday, 5th._

After breakfast, practised: Mr. and Mrs. ---- called, also Dr. ----. Went and saw poor Mrs. ---- for a little time; she interests me most extremely--I like her very very much. Came up to my own room; read a canto of Dante. Was called down to see folk, and found the drawing-room literally thronged. The first face I made out was Mr. ----'s, for whom I have taken an especial love: two ladies, a whole load of men, and Mr. ----, who had brought me a curious piece of machinery, in the shape of a musical box, to look at. It contained a little bird, no larger than a large fly, with golden and purple wings, and a tiny white beak. On the box being wound up, this little creature flew out, and, perching itself on the brink of a gold basin, began fluttering its wings, opening its beak, and uttering sundry very melodious warblings, in the midst of which, it sank suddenly down, and disappeared, the lid closed, and there was an end. What a pity 'tis that we can only realise fairy-land through the means of machinery. One reason why there is no such thing left as the believing faculty among men, is because they have themselves learnt to make magic, and perform miracles. When the coast was once more clear, I returned to my room, got out things for the theatre, dined _tête-à-tête_ with D----; my father dined at the public table. After dinner, came up stairs, read Grahame, wrote journal, began my novel under another shape. I can't write prose; (query, can I any thing else?) I don't know how, but my sentences are the comicalest things in the world; the end forgets the beginning, and the whole is a perfect labyrinth of parenthesis within parenthesis. Perhaps, by the by, without other view, it would be just as well if I exercised myself a little in writing my own language, as the grammar hath it, "with elegance and propriety." At half-past five, went to the theatre. The play was Romeo and Juliet; the house not good. Mr. ---- played Romeo.

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I acted like a wretch, of course; how could I do otherwise? Oh, Juliet! vision of the south! rose of the garden of the earth! was this the glorious hymn that Shakspeare hallowed to your praise? was this the mingled strain of Love's sweet going forth, and Death's dark victory, over which my heart and soul have been poured out in wonder and ecstasy?--How I do loathe the stage! these wretched, tawdry, glittering rags, flung over the breathing forms of ideal loveliness; these miserable, poor, and pitiful substitutes for the glories with which poetry has invested her magnificent and fair creations--the glories with which our imagination reflects them back again. What a mass of wretched mumming mimicry acting is! Pasteboard and paint, for the thick breathing orange groves of the south; green silk and oiled parchment, for the solemn splendour of her noon of night; woolen platforms and canvass curtains, for the solid marble balconies and rich dark draperies of Juliet's sleeping-chamber, that shrine of love and beauty; rouge, for the startled life-blood in the cheek of that young passionate woman; an actress, a mimicker, a sham creature, me, in fact, or any other one, for that loveliest and most wonderful conception, in which all that is true in nature, and all that is exquisite in fancy, are moulded into a living form. To _act_ this! to _act_ Romeo and Juliet! horror! horror! how I do loathe my most impotent and unpoetical craft!

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In the last scene of the play, I was so mad with the mode in which all the preceding ones had been perpetrated, that, lying over Mr. ----'s corpse, and fumbling for his dagger, which I could not find, I, Juliet, thus apostrophised him,--Romeo being dead--"why, where _the_ devil _is_ your dagger, Mr. ----!" What a disgusting travesty. On my return home, I expressed my entire determination to my father to perform the farce of Romeo and Juliet no more. Why, it's an absolute _shame_ that one of Shakspeare's plays should be thus turned into a mockery. I received a note from young Mr. ----, accompanied by a very curious nosegay in shells; a poor substitute for the breathing, fresh, rosy flowers he used to furnish me with, when I was last here.

_Thursday, 6th._

The morning was beautifully bright and warm, like a May morning in England. After breakfast, practised for two hours: while doing so, was interrupted by Mr. ----, who came to bid us good-by. He was going on to New York, and thence to England.

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He sat some time. When he was gone, and I had finished my practising, came up to my own room. Was summoned thence to see my kinsman, who sat some time with me, and whom I like of all things. He makes it out (for he seems a great meddler in these matters) that we are originally Italian people, pirates by name, Campo Bello; the same family as the Scottish Campbells; the same family as the Norman Beauchamps: how I only wish it were true! I have, and always have had, the greatest love and veneration for old blood; I would rather by far have some barbarous Saxon giant to my ancestor, than all the wealth of the earth to my dower. I parted from my friend with much regret; he has won my heart fairly. When he was gone, came up to my own room. The day was brilliant and unclouded; and, as I looked into the serene blue sky, my spirit longed for wings.

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Dr. ---- called this morning, and interested me by a long account of Webster; in the course of which, however, he gave me, if possible, a stronger distaste than I had before to the form of government in this country, from various results which he enumerated as inevitably belonging to it. Read a canto in Dante: it consoles me to read my Italian, and forget for a time all that is.

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I sat watching the glorious sunset, as it came redly streaming into my room, touching every thing with glory, and shining through my hair upon my book. It suggested to me a picture; and I wrote one for Mrs. ----, who had been consulting me about a costume in which to sit for her portrait. Dined at five: my father dined out. After dinner, sat writing journal till ten, when he returned. The moon was shining soft and full, and he asked me if I would take a walk. I bonneted and booted, and we sallied forth to the Schuylkill. The moon withdrew herself behind a veil of thin white clouds, but left a grey clear light over the earth, and through the sky. We reached the Fair Mount bridge at about eleven. The turnpike was fast, and every body asleep, so we climbed over the gate, and very deliberately pursued our way through the strange dark-looking covered bridge, where the glimmering lamps, at distant intervals, threw the crossing beams and rafters into momentary brightness, that had a strange effect contrasted with the surrounding gloom.[75] We reached the other side, and, turning off from the road, began climbing the hill opposite the breakwater. The road was muddy in the valley with heavy rains; and unwilling to wade through the dirt, we clambered along a paling for several yards, and so escaped the mire. My father steered for the grassy knoll just opposite Fair Mount; and there, screened by a thicket of young cedar bushes, with the river breaking over the broad dam far below us, and the shadowy banks on the other side melting away in the soft grey light, we sat down on a tree trunk. Here we remained for upwards of a quarter of an hour without uttering a syllable; indeed, we had not spoken three words since we set out. My father was thinking, I presume, of ---- something; I, of the day of judgment--when these thick forests, and wide strong waters, like a shrivelled scroll, are to burn to ashes before the coming of God's justice. We were disturbed by a large white spaniel dog, who, coming down from among the cedar bushes, reminded me of the old witch stories, and Faust. We arose to depart, and took our way towards the Market Street bridge, along the banks of the river. The broken notes of a bugle-horn came at intervals across the sleeping waters from the opposite shore, where shone reflected the few lingering lights from the houses that had not yet shut up for the night. The moon, faintly struggling through the clouds, now touched the dark pyramids of the cedar trees that rose up into the grey sky, and threw our shadows on the lonely path we were pursuing, now cast a pale gleam through the rapid clouds that chased one another like dreams across the sky. The air was soft and balmy as the night air of mid August. The world was still; and, except our footfalls, as we trudged along, no sound disturbed the universal repose. We did not reach home till half-past twelve. As we walked down Market Street, through the long ranges of casks, the only creatures stirring, except some melancholy night-loving cat, my father said very calmly, "How I do wish I had a gimlet."--"What for?"--"What fun it would be to pierce every one of these barrels." For a gentleman of his years, this appeared to me rather a juvenile prompting of Satan; and as I laughingly expostulated on the wickedness of such a proceeding, he replied with much innocence, "I don't think they'd ever suspect me of having done it;" and truly I don't think they would. Came home, and to bed. That was a curious fancy of my father's.

A PICTURE.

Through the half open'd casement stream'd the light
Of the departing sun. The golden haze
Of the red western sky fell warm and bright
Into that chamber large and lone: the blaze
Touch'd slantingly curtain and couch, and threw
A glory over many an antique gem,
Won from the entombed cities that once grew
At the volcano's foot. Mingled with them
Stood crystal bowls, through which the broken ray
Fell like a shower of precious stones, and lay
Reflected upon marble; these were crown'd
With blushing flowers, fresh and glittering yet
With diamond rain-drops. On the crimson ground
A shining volume, clasp'd with gold and jet,
And broken petals of a passion-flower
Lay by the lady of this silent bower.
Her rippling hair fell from her pearly round
That strove to clasp its billowy curls: the light
Hung like a glory on their waves of gold.
Her velvet robe, in many a violet fold,
Like the dark pansy's downy leaf, was bound
With a gold zone, and clasp'd with jewels bright,
That glow'd and glanced as with a magic flame
Whene'er her measured breathing stirr'd her frame.
Upon her breast and shoulders lay a veil
Of curious needle-work, as pure and pale
As a fine web of ivory, wrought with care,
Through which her snowy skin show'd smooth and fair.
Upon the hand that propp'd her drooping head,
A precious emerald, like a fairy well,
Gleam'd with dark solemn lustre; a rich thread
Of rare round pearls--such as old legends tell
The Egyptian queen pledged to her Roman lord,
When in her cup a kingdom's price she pour'd,--
Circled each soft white arm. A painter well
Might have been glad to look upon her face,
For it was full of beauty, truth, and grace;
And from her lustrous eyes her spirit shone
Serene, and strong, and still, as from a throne.

_Friday, 7th._

A break. Found ---- in the breakfast-room. The morning was very unpropitious; but I settled to ride at one, if it was tolerably fine then. He remained pottering a long time: when he was gone, practised, habited, went in, for a few minutes, to Mrs. ----. At one the horses came; but mine was brought without a stirrup, so we had to wait, Lord knows how long, till the blundering groom had ridden back for it. At length we mounted. "Handsome is that handsome does," is verity; and, therefore, pretty as was my steed, I wished its good looks and itself at the devil, before I was halfway down Chestnut Street. It pranced, and danced, and backed me once right upon the pavement. We took the Laurel Hill road. The day was the perfection of gloom--the road six inches deep in heavy mud. We walked the whole way out! my father got the cramp, and lost his temper. At Laurel Hill we dismounted, and walked down to the river side. How melancholy it all looked! the turbid rhubarby water, the skeleton woods, the grey sky, and far winding away of the dark rocky shores; yet it was fine even in this gloom, and wonderfully still. The clouds did not move,--the water had not the faintest ripple,--the trees did not stir a branch; the most perfect and profound trance seemed to have fallen upon every thing. ---- and I scrambled down the rocks towards the water, expatiating on the capabilities of this place, which was once a country-seat, and with very little expense might be made a very enchanting as well as a very comfortable residence; always excepting, of course, the chance of fever and ague during the summer months, when the whole of the banks of the Schuylkill, high and rocky as they are, are considered so unhealthy, that the inhabitants are obliged to leave their houses until the winter season, when the country naturally loses half its attractions. At half-past three, we mounted, and, crossing the river, returned home by a much better road. My horse, however, was decidedly a brute,--pulled my arms to pieces, cantered with the wrong leg foremost, trotted in a sort of scuttling fashion, that rendered it utterly impossible to rise in the stirrup, and, instead of walking, jogged the breath out of my body. I was fairly done up when we reached home. Dressed, and dined; ---- dined with us. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ----. So it seems Carolina is in a state of convulsion. Reports have arrived that the Nullifiers and Unionists have had a fight in Charleston, and that lives have been lost. "Bide a wee," as the Scotchman says; we talk a good deal on the other side the water of matters that are far enough off; but as for America, the problem is not yet solved--and this very crisis (a more important one than has yet occurred in the political existence of this country) is threatening to slacken the bonds of brotherhood between the states, and shake the Union to its centre. The interests of the northern states are totally different from, and in some respects opposite to, those of the southern ones.

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The tariff question is the point in debate; and the Carolinians have, it seems, threatened to secede from the Union in consequence of the policy pursued with regard to that. I was horrified at Dr. ----'s account of the state of the negroes in the south. To teach a slave to read or write is to incur a penalty either of fine or imprisonment. They form the larger proportion of the population, by far; and so great is the dread of insurrection on the part of the white inhabitants, that they are kept in the most brutish ignorance, and too often treated with the most brutal barbarity, in order to insure their subjection. Oh! what a breaking asunder of old manacles there will be, some of these fine days; what a fearful rising of the black flood; what a sweeping away, as by a torrent, of oppressions and tyrannies; what a fierce and horrible retaliation and revenge for wrong so long endured--so wickedly inflicted. When I came in to tea, at half-past eight, found Dr. ---- there.

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When he was gone, sang a song or two, like a crow in the quinsy.

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_Wednesday, 12th._

After breakfast, went to rehearsal; after rehearsal, went to ----'s. It poured with rain. Came home; put out things for the theatre; practised for an hour; finished letter to ----; wrote journal; dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ----. Sang to her all my old Scotch ballads; read the first act of the Hunchback to her. At half-past five, went to the theatre. Play, King John; house good: I played horribly. My voice, too, was tired with my exertions, and cracked most awfully in the midst of "thunder," which was rather bad.

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I had finished early, and came home in my dress in order to show it to Mrs. ----. She was just gone to bed, but admitted me.

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Sat talking to her until my father came home. So "Old Hickory" means to lick the refractory southerns: why they are coming to a civil war! However, the grumblers haven't the means of fighting without emancipating and arming their slaves. That they will not and dare not do; the consequence will be, I suppose, that they will swallow the affront, and submit.

_Thursday, 13th._

While dressing, had the pleasure of witnessing from my window a satisfactory sample of the innate benevolence, gentleness, and humanity of our nature: a child of about five years old, dragging a cat by a string tied to its throat round and round a yard, till the poor beast ceased to use its paws, and suffered itself to be trailed along the ground, after which the little fiend set his feet upon it, and stamped and kicked it most brutally. The blood came into my face; and, though almost too far for hearing, I threw up the sash, and at the top of my voice apostrophised the little wretch with "Hollo there! wicked, naughty boy!" He seemed much puzzled to discover whence this appeal proceeded, but not at all at a loss to apply it; for, after looking about with a very conscience-stricken visage, he rushed into the house, dragging his victim with him. I came down, fairly sick, to breakfast. After despatching it, I put on my bonnet and walked round to the house where this scene had taken place. I enquired for the child, describing his appearance, and he was presently brought to me; when I sat down at the foot of the stairs in the hall, and spent some time in expatiating on the enormity of such proceedings to the little ruffian, who, it seems, has frequently been corrected for similar ferocities before. I fear my preachment will not avail much. Came home, put room to rights, practised for an hour; got ready, and dawdled about most dreadfully, waiting for D----, who had gone out with my father. At half-past twelve, set off with her to the riding-school. It was full of women in long calico skirts, and gay bonnets with flaunting feathers, riding like wretches; some cantering, some trotting, some walking--crossing one another, passing one another in a way that would have filled the soul of Fossard with grief and amazement. I put on a skirt and my riding-cap, and mounted a rough, rugged, besweated white-brown beast, that looked like an old trunk more than any thing else, its coat standing literally on end, like "quills upon the fretful porcupine," with heat and ill condition. 'Tis vain attempting to ride like a Christian on these heathen horses, which are neither broken, bitted, nor bridled properly; and poor dumb _creturs_ have no more idea of what a horse ought to be, or how a horse ought to behave, than so many cows. My hair, presently, with the damp and the shaking, became perfectly straight. As I raised my head, after putting it up under my cap, I beheld ---- earnestly discoursing to D----. I asked for Tuesday's charger; and the school having by degrees got empty, I managed to become a little better acquainted with its ways and means. 'Tis a pretty little creature, but 'tis not half broken, is horribly ill ridden, and will never be good for any thing--what a pity! At two o'clock I dismounted: ---- walked home with us. Went in to see Mrs. ----: she seemed a good deal better, I thought; sat some time with her. Mr. ---- has sent me back my book of manuscript music: played and sang half through it. Came to my room; tried on dresses for Lady Macbeth, and the Wonder, and dressed for dinner. My father dined out. After dinner, went in to see Mrs. ----. Sat some time with her mother, her chicks, and her young doctor of a cousin, who is quite a civilised mortal. Poor Mrs. ---- was too ill to see me. Came to the drawing-room, wrote journal, played and sang till tea-time. After tea, read the history of Knickerbocker, whereat I was like to have died, through the greate merrimente its rare and excellente pleasantries did cause in me, insomuche that I lay on the sofa screaming, very much like one lunaticke.

_Friday, 14th._

After breakfast, put out things for the theatre. Practised for an hour; read and marked the Comedy of Errors, which is really great fun: perhaps not funnier than Amphytrion, but the subject is more agreeable a good deal. Read a canto in Dante; got ready for the riding-school; found ---- and Mr. ---- in the drawing-room. As we were going out, the gentlemen did not remain long. When they were gone, D---- and I set off for the riding-school. We were hardly there before ---- made his appearance: I wonder what he'll do for an _interest_, by the by, when we are gone.

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The school was quite empty, so we had it all to ourselves. D---- mounted up upon a detestable shambling brute, that wouldn't go _no how_. I had a fancy for making my little fiery charger leap over the bar, and made Mr. ---- put it down for me. The beast had no idea of such saltatory proceedings, and jerked himself over it three times most abominably. The fourth time I pushed him at it, he jumped, and I jumped too, out of the saddle on to my feet, having lighted down very comfortably at the horse's head with the reins in my hand, neither hurt nor frightened. This is the first time a horse ever had me off. I got on again, but declined leaping any more. At a quarter to three we returned home. ---- walked with us. At the corner of Sansom Street, met young ----. Heaven bless ---- from a challenge! Came home; dined: after dinner, went in and sat with Mrs. ---- till coffee-time. Showed her my dresses, and read her a scene or two of the Hunchback. Went to the theatre at half-past five. Play, the Hunchback--the house was literally crammed. I played very well, except being out in my town scene--an unwonted occurrence with me. After the play, came home, supped, and read the Wonder, which I thought wondrous dull.

_Saturday, 15th._

If I were to write a history of Philadelphia, according to the profound spirit of investigation for which modern tourists are remarkable, I should say that it was a peculiarity belonging to its climate, that Saturday is invariably a wet day. At twelve, went to rehearsal, after putting out things for the theatre. Had a long talk with Mr. ---- about Pasta, the divine,--the only reality that ever I beheld that was as fair, as grand, as glorious as an imaginary being. Shall I ever forget that woman in Medea? I am thankful I have seen her. After rehearsal, called at Mr. ----'s. Saw and carried off his head of me in Juliet. Certainly the resemblance between myself and Mrs. Siddons must be very strong; for this painting might almost have been taken for a copy of Harlowe's sketch of my aunt in Lady Macbeth: 'tis very strange and unaccountable. Came home; wrote journal: went and sat with Mrs. ---- till dinner-time. After dinner, went and sat with her again till coffee-time. Was introduced to Dr. ----, whom I liked very much.

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Showed her my dress and my bracelets. Had a long discussion about the precedence of one lady before another among the nobility of European courts, whereat her republican pride seemed highly offended. If Clay _did_, as Dr. ---- describes, pass before titled men, at a dinner in England, with his hands in his breeches' pockets, it only follows thence that he was really ill bred, and would be thought vulgar if he did it unwittingly, and absurd if he did it intentionally. Went to the theatre at half-past five. The house was wonderful, considering the weather: the play was Fazio. I played pretty well: my dress was _splendid_.

_Sunday, 16th._

Had only time to swallow a mouthful of breakfast, and off to church; where I heard about as thorough a cock and bull sermon as ever I hope to be edified withal. What shameful nonsense the man talked! and all the time pretending to tell us what God had done, what he was doing, and what he intended to do next, as if he went up into heaven and saw what was going on there, every five minutes. Came home; sat with Mrs. ---- for a long time: I am very fond of her.

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Came to my own room, and studied Violante till dinner-time. How tiresome this pointless prose is to batter into one's head. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ---- till near tea-time, when I came to the drawing-room. Presently, Mr. ---- and Mr. ---- called, also Dr. ----. I went to my father's room to apprise him of this invasion of the Goths, and found him very unwell, and labouring under a severe cold. He would not come down; so D---- and I had to entertain these interesting youths what fashion we best might. She gave them tea, and I gave them music, till half-past ten, when they departed.

_Monday, 17th._

It poured with rain like the very mischief: a sort of continual gushing down from the clouds, combining all the vehemence of a thunder shower with all the pertinacity of one of our own November drizzles--delightful! Went to rehearse Macbeth. Had a delightful palaver with Mr. ----, who knows all the music that ever was writ, and all the singers that ever sang, and worships Pasta as I do. Came home; put out things for the theatre: dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ---- till coffee-time. At half-past five, went to the theatre. In spite of the rain, the house was very full; and in all my life I never saw so large an assembly of people so perfectly and breathlessly still as they were during several of our scenes. I played like a very clever girl as I am; but it was about as much like Lady Macbeth as the Great Mogul. My father laboured his part too much.

_Tuesday, 18th._

Received letters; one from dear ----, and one from ----. They did as letters from England always do by me,--threw me into a perfect nervous fever.

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After breakfast, went to rehearse the Wonder. Called in on my way on Mr. ----, who is painting a portrait of my father. Saw one or two lovely women's pictures. I wish he would go to England: I think it would answer his purpose very well. At two, went to the riding-school: rode till half-past three. The day was bitter cold, with a piercing wicked wind riding through the grey sky. D---- and I walked to pay sundry calls. Met ----, whom we had not seen for two or three days--a most unusual circumstance. He walked home with us. D---- and I dined _tête-à-tête_. On returning home, I found a most lovely nosegay of real, delicious, fragrant flowers. Sweet crimson buds of the faint-breathing monthly rose; bright vivid dark green myrtle; the honey Daphne Odora, with its clusters of pinky-white blossoms; and the delicate bells of the tall white jasmine,--all sweet, and living, and fresh, as at midsummer: I was blissful! After dinner, I went in to Mrs. ----. Came back to the drawing-room. ----, who had taken the hint about our being alone in the evening, came in. I began making him sing, and taught him the Leaf and the Fountain: his voice sounded like when we were nearer home.

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Presently Mr. ---- was announced. He was the author of the flowers.

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_Wednesday, 19th._

After breakfast, ---- called.

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Went to rehearsal,--afterwards, to the riding-school. The school was quite empty, and I alone. The boy brought me my horse, and I mounted by means of a chair. As I was cantering along, amusing myself with cogitations various, ---- came in. He stayed the whole time I rode. I settled with him about riding to-morrow, and came home to dinner. After dinner, went in to see Mrs. ----: Dr. ---- was there, who is a remarkably nice man. She is a very delightful person, with a great deal of intellect, and a wonderful quantity of fortitude and piety, and a total absence of knowledge of the world, except through books.

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Her children enchant me, and her care of them enchants me too. She is an excellent person, with a heart overflowing with the very best affections our nature is capable of, fulfilled, I think, to the uttermost.

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Stayed with her till time to go to the theatre. The house was very full: the play was the Wonder--my first time of acting Violante. My dress was not finished till the very last moment,--and then, oh, horror! was so small that I could not get into it. It had to be pinned upon me; and thus bebundled, with the dread of cracking my bodice from top to bottom every time I moved, and the utter impossibility of drawing my breath, from the narrow dimensions into which it squeezed me, I went on to play a new part. The consequence was that I acted infamously, and for the first time in my life was horribly imperfect--out myself and putting every body else out. Between every scene my unlucky gown had to be pinned together; and in the laughing scene, it took the hint from my admirable performance, and facetiously grinned in an ecstasy of amusement till it was fairly open behind, displaying, I suppose, the lacing of my stays, like so many teeth, to the admiring gaze of the audience; for, as I was perfectly ignorant of the circumstance, with my usual easy _nonchalance_, I persisted in turning my back to the folk, in spite of all my father's pulls and pushes, which, as I did not comprehend, I did not by any means second either. ---- was at the play, also Dr. ----, also Henry Clay, who was received with cheers and plaudits manifold. Came home in my dress, and went in to show it to Mrs. ---- and her mother, who were both in bed, but marvellously edified by my appearance.

_Thursday, 20th._

The day was beautifully brilliant, clear, and cold--winter, but winter in dazzling array of sunshine and crystal; blue skies, with light feathery streaks of white clouds running through them; dry, crisp, hard roads, with the delicate rime tipping all the ruts with sparkling jewellery; and the waters fresh, and bright, and curling under the keen breath of the arrow-like wind. After breakfast, ---- called. Walked out with him to get a cap and whip for D----. The latter he insisted on making her a present of, and a very pretty one indeed it was, with a delicate ivory handle, and a charming persuading lash. Went in for a short time to Mrs. ----, who entertained herself with letting all my hair down about my ears, and pulling it all manner of ways. At twelve habited, and helped to equip dear D----, who really looked exceedingly nice in her jockey habiliments. Went to the school, where we found ---- waiting for us. Mounted and set forth. We rode out to Laurel Hill. The road was not very good, but no mud; and the warm gleesome sunlight fell mellowly over the lovely undulations of the land, with their patches of green cedar trees, and threadbare cloak of leafless woods, through which the little birds were careering merrily, as the reviving sunshine came glowingly down upon the world, like a warm blessing. Passed that bright youth, Mr. ----, on the road, riding very like an ass on horseback. When we reached Laurel Hill, we dismounted, tied up the horses, slacked their girths, and walked first up to that interesting wooden monument, where I inscribed my initials on our first ride thither. Afterwards, ---- and I scrambled down the rocks to the river side, which D---- declined doing, _'cause vy?_--she'd have had to climb up again. The water was like a broad dazzling river of light, and had a beautiful effect, winding away in brightness that the eye could scarce endure, between its banks, which, contrasted by the sunny stream, and blue transparent sky, appeared perfectly black. As I bent over a fine _bluff_ (as they here call any mass of rock standing isolated), I espied below me a natural rocky arch, overhanging the river, all glittering with pure long diamond icicles. Thither ---- convoyed me, and broke off one of these wintry gems for me. It measured about two feet long, and was as thick at the root as my wrist. I never saw any thing so beautiful as these pendant adornments of the silver-fingered ice god. Toiled up to the house again, where, after brushing our habits, we remounted our chargers, and came home. The river was most beautiful towards the bridge that they are building: the unfinished piers of which have a very pretty effect, almost resembling their very opposite, a ruin. The thin pale vapour of the steam-engine, employed in some of the works, rising from the blue water, and rolling its graceful waves far along the dark rocky shore, had a lovely fairy-like look, which even drew forth the admiration of ----, who, from sundry expressions which have occasionally fallen from him, I suspect to be rather well endowed with ideality. Reached home at half-past four. My father dined out. It was past ----'s dinner-time; so we invited him to stay and dine with us. After dinner, we fell somehow or another into a profound theological discussion; ---- suddenly proposing for my solution the mysterious doctrine of the inherent sin of our nature, and its accompanying doom, death,--inherited from one man's sin, and one man's punishment. I am not fond of discoursing upon these subjects. 'Tis long since I have arrived at the conviction that the less we suffer our thoughts to dwell upon what is vague and mysterious in our most mysterious faith, and the more we confine our attention and our efforts to that part of it which is practical and clear as the noon-day, the better it will be for our minds here, and our souls hereafter. Surely they are not wise who seek to penetrate the unfathomed counsels of God, whilst their own natures, moral, mental, nay, even physical, have depths beyond the sounding of their plummet line. ---- spoke in perfect sincerity and simplicity of the difficulty he found in believing that which was so "hard a saying;" and, as there was not the slightest particle of levity or ridicule in his manner, I spoke as earnestly as I felt and always feel upon this subject,--very strenuously advising him not to strain his comprehension upon matters which baffle human endeavour, which, after all our wanderings and weary explorings, still lead us back to the wide boundless waste of uncertainty; concluding by exhorting him to read his Bible, say his prayers, and go to church if he could,--or, if he could not, at all events to be as good as he could. While we were at tea, young ---- and Dr. ---- came in. They put me down to the piano, and I continued to sing until past eleven o'clock, when, somebody looking at a watch, there was a universal exclamation of surprise, the piano was shut down, the candles put out, the gentlemen vanished, and I came to bed.

WINTER.

I saw him on his throne, far in the north,
Him ye call Winter, picturing him ever
An aged man, whose frame, with palsied shiver,
Bends o'er the fiery element, his foe.
But him I saw was a young god, whose brow
Was crown'd with jagged icicles, and forth
From his keen spirit-like eyes there shone a light,
Broad, glaring, and intensely cold and bright.
His breath, like sharp-edged arrows, pierced the air;
The naked earth crouch'd shuddering at his feet;
His finger on all murmuring waters sweet
Lay icily,--motion nor sound was there;
Nature seem'd frozen--dead; and still and slow
A winding-sheet fell o'er her features fair,
Flaky and white, from his wide wings of snow.

I am sorry to find that I must skip Friday and Saturday, thereby omitting an account of an interesting ball at Mrs. ----'s, where the floors were duly chalked, the music very good, the women very lovely, and where I fell in again with my dear kinsman, whom I love devotedly, and whom I jumped half across a quadrille to greet with extended hands, which must greatly have edified the whole assembly. Likewise I must skip a most interesting account of a second polemical conversation with ----; in the course of which, to my great amazement, he managed to introduce a most vehement abuse of Dr. ----, whose admiration of my singing appears to have troubled him fully as much as the doctrine of original sin,--together with many other things worthy of note, which shall now die in oblivion, and the times return unenlightened to their graves.

_Sunday, 23d._

Was only dressed in time to swallow two mouthfuls of breakfast, and get ready for church. ---- came to know at what time we would ride, and walked with us to the church door.

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