Chapter I: Me. Hullo!

_A Voice._ Is that the Midland Railway?

_Me._ Yes, Madam. Which department do you require?

_A V._ It’s about some eggs. An egg-box was despatched from Hitchin----

_Me_ (_obsequious_). I will put you through to the Goods and Transit Department, Madam.

_A V._ (_fervent_). Oh, _thank_ you!

_Me_ (_after a short stroll round the garden--in a gruff railway-voice_). Hullo! Motor-vans and Haulage Department----

_A V._ Oh, it’s about some _eggs_. An egg-box----

_Me_ (_more in sorrow than in anger_). You require the Goods and Transit Department. I will put you through.

_A V._ Oh, _thank_ you!

_Me_ (_after planting a few more of those confounded cuttings--very suddenly_). The 4.45 to Bunby Major is suspended, Sir.

_A V._ (_apologetic_). I want to speak about some eggs----

_Me_ (_horrified_). Some _legs_!

_A V._ (_patient_). No, some _eggs_:--E--double G--S, eggs. An egg-box was despatched from Hitchin by a friend of mine on the 21st----

_Me_ (_sharply_). What name, Madam?

_A V._ Major Bludyer. It was despatched on----

_Me._ Is he one of the Buckinghamshire Bludyers?

_A V._ What? Hullo!... Hullo! It was despatched on----

_Me._ I mean, is he _the_ Major Bludyer--that well-grown old boy? From what I know of his eggs----

_A V._ (_growing fainter_). I can’t hear you very well. It’s about some eggs----

_Me._ Well, I’m very glad to have had this little talk. Remember me to old Bludyer. Good-bye.