Chapter III: Act TWO

(_Curtain rises on Richmond market place. Stall around sides of stage
and back. In foreground, tables and benches; side show of some
funny sort. Tents at one side. Country folk walking about,
farmers and wives._)

NO. 4.

CHO. Come, O maidens fair,
Yes, come, but come with cheerful looks!
Handsome is as handsome does,
The rule that suits our books.
Hasten, hasten, cheerful maidens,
Do not linger on the way,
Soon the Hiring Fair will open
And advancing is the day.
Done! once the bargain is agreed to
Neither can undo it.
Done! faithful servants, kindly masters,
Neither then will rue it.
Neatness is the best of graces,
Smooth of hair come every one;
In a row all take your places,
Soon the choosing will be done.
If you'll be but quick and neat
And try to do your best,
You will find a happy home,
And the pay of your deserving. Come!
Find a home, yes, come.

(_Enter serving maids, arm in arm. Farmers go to meet them._)

SERVANTS' CHO. Hither come, linger not,
Fate a home will allot, etc.

FARMERS AND WIVES. Come this way, don't delay,
We have waited you many a day.

SERV. Oh, not now, but tomorrow,
We are tired, we are shy.

FARMERS. Handsome is that handsome does,
The best rule that ever was.

(_Farmers and wives try to bring servants into a line forward on
stage. The servants hold back._)

SERV. Since the day how we have run,
Now we shall know,
Just where each girl is going to go.
Now our journey's o'er and here we rest with you at last,
After many a mile so long and lone is over past.

(_Servants scatter about stage, some lying down as if to rest, as_
LIONEL _and_ PLUNKET _enter. They come on talking._ PLUNKET _is
dressed as a peasant farmer and carries a whip. Lionel is dressed
as a gentleman, but plainly._)

PLUNKET. Here is a jolly howdoyoudo. What a clatter they make!
The farmers are all going to engage servants for the coming year
out of this crowd of chattering hussies. It is a good thing to
take your time to choose, though, for once the bargain is made
you have to stick to it for at least a year. What do you say,
Lionel? Have you picked out your Betsy Ann?

LIONEL. Betsy Ann--what do you mean? (_He speaks absently,
slowly, and his demeanor throughout is one of dreamy abstraction.
He is very grave and pensive, altogether a young man who would
be likely to take a love affair very seriously and perhaps lose
his mental balance temporarily over it._)

PLUN. I mean our serving girl. You know mother put it in her will
that we must keep up the farm together. So now like two good
housewives we must fly around and choose a maid. Her name may
be Sally or Katy or Jane, but I shall call her Betsy Ann!
(_Laughs._)

LIO. I shall always remember your dear mother and be grateful.

PLUN. Yes, she was a good woman and a good mother, aye, a good
manager, too. She knew how to make the maids attend to their
work.

LIO. But she was kind. She was always so kind to me.

PLUN. Yes, she loved you. If you had been her own child she could
not have tended you more anxiously. You were a mere baby when
your father died and left you in our care. No one could help
trying to make up your loss to you, somehow. If I'd a mind I
might have been jealous of you. I was always the one who got
the scoldings. I suppose mother owed them to me, for I was her
own naughty boy!

LIO. You have always been a real brother to me, Plunket. No
helpless child could have had a happier fate than to find home
with you.

PLUN. You had no one but mother and me, old chap, don't you see?
What else could a fellow do but try to keep you heartened up a
little? (_Laughs with some embarrassment._)

LIO. And yet even now we do not know who I really am. We shall
never know, unless some day my father's ring (_lifts his hand_)
may serve to clear up the mystery at last. (_Sings._)

NO. 5.

LIO. O'er my life from boyhood tender,
You have watched with sheltering care,
You your all would fain surrender,
With the orphan child to share.
You fulfilled a father's duty,
When he left me to your love,
Ah, he heard my mother calling,
Heard her call from heaven above.

PLUN. Nor his rank nor name he told us,
Nor the secret dar'd unseal (_touches_ LIONEL'S _hand_),
This his ring one day shall tell it,
All the mystery yet reveal.
On your finger when he placed it,
"This may change his fate," he sighed,
"This my ring the Queen will honor
Should misfortune e'er betide."

LIO. Brother mine, 'mid courtly splendors
My vain longings ne'er shall rove,
Ah, no light on earth allures me,
Save the tender glow of love.
No strange joys I'd earn for yonder,
Peace and sweet content are here,
'Mid the fields are simple pleasures,
Calm affection, tried and dear.

(_A bell from the village church gives the signal for the fair to
begin. Sheriff enters pompously, the farmers and wives and
servants flock after him. He is dressed in wig, hat and robe.
He has a staff of office. A girl is pushed against him in the
crowd. He waves her back majestically, at arm's length and
speaks._)

SHERIFF (_speaks_) Let the rabble stand back. Room for the majesty
of the law. Ahem!

GIRL (_speaks pertly_). My, ain't he the big wig, though! (_Tweaks
at his wig from behind and pulls it partly off. His hat falls
off. She picks it up and runs._)

SHERIFF. Ouch! (_Grabs at wig with one hand and runs after the girl,
shaking his staff at her. Another girl gets in his way; they
dodge back and forth, till she puts her two hands, one each side
of his face and tries to kiss him._)

GIRL (_speaks_). There, there, old gentleman, don't feel so bad
over a bit of our fun!

(SHERIFF _ducks to avoid kiss and leaves wig in her hands_. _He runs
wildly about stage, clutching alternately at his bald head, and
at the wig, which the girls toss back and forth, while he tries
to snatch it. Finally one of the farmers catches it and restores
it to sheriff. He puts it on and some one brings him his hat._)

FARMER (_speaks_). Young hussies, you must do better than this when
you get to working for us. Behave yourselves, now!

SHERIFF (_much distressed, almost weeping with rage_). I bind you all
over to keep the peace on penalty of 10 shillings fine. (_Pounds
with his staff._) Does the majesty of the law mean naught to ye?
Silence (_they laugh_), you low bred populace. But what can one
expect from populace? Pah! They are beneath my notice. (_Looks
scornfully at them while music begins. A girl laughingly sticks
out her tongue at him. He glares at her. She does it again. He
looks hastily away and then back. She throws him a kiss, and all
the rest follow suit. He scowls, but his face gradually softens
into a smirk. The farmers drag the girls back into a line.
Sheriff unrolls a parchment, that he takes from pocket of his
big gown. He sings._)

NO. 6.

SHERIFF. We, Anne, Queen of England, greet ye!
(_Snatches off his hat, farmers do the same._)
Bonnets off, and mine likewise.
I no ceremony spare!
We hereby do recognize
Ev'ry contract good and sound
Made in Richmond market bound;
Every lass who here is hired,
Dating from this very day,
Till the year is full expired,
Must with her new master stay.
If he pay the money down
The bargain cannot be undone.
Have you heard?

CHO. We know, sir, it is so, sir.

SHER. Now you stand up in a row.

(_Servants stand in line; he arranges them._)

Tell us, Moll, what you can do.

(_One maid steps forward a little, bobs a curtsey._)

1ST MAID. I can darn, sir, I can sew, sir,
I can milk and I can mow, sir.
I can bake and mend and make
And garden beds I can weed and rake.

1ST FARMER (_steps forward_). All for just four pounds a year.
Well, at that she is not dear. (_Takes girl one side._)

SHER. (_to next girl_). Now, my lass, what can you do?

2D MAID (_curtseys_). I can mend, sir, sew a button,
On old socks new feet can put on,
I can roast and boil and stew,
Can churn and chop and also brew.

SHER. Five pounds a year,
'Tis for a song, now!

2D FARMER (_steps up and leads her aside_).
Here's my hand, done! Come along!

Sher. Come, it's your turn now to speak.

3D MAID (_curtseys_). I can clean, sir, I can scrub, sir,
I'm a good one at a tub, sir,
Yes, to every sort of work,
My hand I turn and never shirk.

SHER. Kitty Bell and Johnny Snell,
And Nelly Browne and Sally Towne.

CHO. OF SERVANTS. How to care for babes I know, sir,
Bless 'em, I do love 'em so, sir,
I can take the cows to graze, sir,
And of poultry know the ways, sir;
I can bake and boil and brew, sir,
I can sew on buttons, too.

MEN. I'm accustomed pigs to keep, sir,
Also, horses, cows and sheep, sir,
Pork and beef in brine I steep, sir,
Yes, and do the mowing cheap, sir;
I can dig a garden bed
And make a cabbage grow a head.
Ha, if you pay the cash,
We'll work just like a flash.
Ho, it's very clear,
All settled for a year.
Ho, now the deed is done,
We'll work like fun!

(_The servants flock around him as they sing and gather closer and
closer till he puts his hands over his ears and tries to get away
from them. They crowd around and sing into his face and over his
shoulders._)

SHER. _(with hands at ears_). Stop your cackling! You'll make me
deaf!

FARMERS. We are ready to choose, but one at a time, please.

(_Girls drop back into line; farmers move about among them_,
LIONEL _and_ PLUNKET _also, as if bargaining with them_. _Enter_
LADY HARRIET, NANCY _and_ TRISTAN _in peasant costume_.)

LADY H. Come on, John! Courage man! Nobody's going to hurt you!

NAN. Come, friend John! Don't look so scared. We'll take care of you!

TRIS. John? O, im-pos-si-ble! O, pre-pos-ter-ous! I don't like this
one bit. It is most unseemly. Yet--where beauty leads, love fain
must follow.

LADY H. How gay they all seem! They at least are happy.

TRIS. I know I am not! I never felt less jolly before (_plaintively_)
in all my life. (_Aside._) I feel as if I were going to cry.
(_Face works._)

(PLUNKET _and_ LIONEL _approach the three and stand at a short
distance, gazing at_ LADY H. _and_ NANCY.)

PLUN. Jove! There's a brace of darlings!

LIO. Yes, they are very pretty girls.

PLUN. Rather slim built for hard work, though.

LIO. They might do house work?

PLUN. Yes, they might serve indoors. I don't know--(_pauses_)

TRIS. See those clodhoppers! How they stare at you. O, do be
persuaded to leave this horrid, horrid place.

LADY H. _and_ NAN (_together_). No, indeed. We like it and we are
going to stay.

TRIS. I think those fellows are very suspicious looking characters.
A pair of rogues. Let's go (_urging them by taking their arms_).

LADY H. I'm not under your orders, sir. It is my pleasure to stay.
I'll do exactly as I choose!

TRIS. Well, I wash my hands of all responsibility. Don't say I
didn't warn you.

NAN (_sees that_ PLUNKET _and_ LIONEL _are watching her_). Those
lads have an eye for a good thing, though. (_To_ TRISTAN.)
We'll take all the blame. No one shall say that you led us
into mischief, poor dear!

LADY H. Yes, cousin, you are exonerated. Whatever happens, be it
upon my own rash head. But I will not go! (_Emphatically._)

PLUN. (_overhears last words_). You hear, sir? She will not go
with you. Don't annoy the girls any further. (_To girls._)
Call on us if he bothers you. (_To_ TRIS., _who looks daggers_.)
But cheer up! There are plenty more maids yonder. Hi, girls
(_turns to the servants_). Here's a chap wants a good maid,
and he looks as if he could pay well, too.

TRIS. Oh! what a beastly joke! He's taking liberties with me!
(_He looks scared and affronted._)

(LADY H. _and_ NANCY _laugh together over_ TRISTAN'S _plight as the
girls come forward and surround him_.)

ALL (_chattering_). I can mow, I can sew, I can reap, I can sweep,
I can bake and make, I can boil and stew, I can churn and
brew! (_All speak different lines from the part just sung and
make a great clatter and confusion._ TRISTAN _dodges among
them and runs off, the girls following him_.)

LADY H. He has taken refuge in flight!

NAN. Let's hope he won't forget us.

LADY H. (_nervously_). See those men. They are still looking at us.

NAN. They seem to have taken a fancy to us, that's plain.

PLUN. (_to_ LIONEL). One of them would be just what we want, I
think--the younger one, now. (_Nods at_ NANCY.)

LIONEL. It would never do to separate them. See how shy they are.

LADY H. (_to_ NANCY). That one seems quite bashful, doesn't he?
I wonder how such peasants talk?

NAN. Bad grammar, for one thing.

PLUN. (_to_ LIONEL). What are you afraid of? Go speak to them.

LIO. I'm afraid to.

PLUN. Silly noodle! Just watch me. (_Advances boldly as if to speak
to the ladies, stops suddenly and goes back._)

NAN. The big one is dumb, too; aren't they stupid! Let's go.

LADY H. (_turns to follow_ TRISTAN). I suppose we'd better--
(_Hesitates and looks back at the two men._)

PLUN. We must not let such a chance slip. Servant girls like those
are not found every day. I have taken a fancy to that big one
and I don't mean to let her get away. Courage, Plunket! (_He
advances again, again hesitates, and snapping his fingers at
himself, advances and speaks._) Wait a moment, girls! We've
decided we like you. If you're as smart as you look you can
have a good place with us for years.

LIO. Yes, for years and years!

LADY H. You mean as your servants?

PLUN. Of course! What else?

NAN. (_laughing_). Ha! ha! ha! what a joke!

LIO. What is there to laugh at?

PLUN. So long as they do their work, the more they laugh, the
better.

LADY H. _and_ NAN. Work! We!

PLUN. (_to_ NAN.). I'll give you the care of the geese and pigs and
chickens. (_To_ LADY H.) You shall have charge of the
garden--weed it, and gather potatoes and corn.

LIO. O come! that's too hard for her. Let her do housework--

PLUN. And darn our socks and mend our shirts? Very well. We'll
pay you fifty crowns a year. For extras there'll be a pint of
ale on Sundays and plum pudding on New Years.

LADY H. Who could refuse such a tempting offer? (_Laughs._)

NAN. Now I know what I am worth, at last! (_Laughs._)

PLUN. _and_ LIO. (_eagerly_). You agree?

LADY H. _and_ NAN. Yes! yes! We agree! (_They shake hands._)

PLUN. It's a bargain! Here's the money down!

(LADY H. _and_ NAN. _each put the money in their purse, laughing
together_.)

NO. 7.

LADY H. _and_ NAN. (_sing_).

See what grace they show in mien and bearing,
Of our sport, I'm bound, I say, to see the end;
Money's paid and we must keep our bargain,
Men so courteous never will offend.

LIO. _and_ PLUN.

Two young maids so well set up and charming,
Ne'er was city girl that equalled these of mine;
They are jewels, pretty, kind and cheerful,
Faith, I'll tell them so, and lose no time.

(_At close of quartette_ TRISTAN _comes back to stage, evidently
exhausted and much dishevelled; the servants follow him and
again surround him_.)

TRIS. Oh, I thought I had eluded them! Leave off! Here's money!
( _Throws a purse._) Plague on your crazy pack! (_The girls run
to divide the money._) Ho! what is this? (_He advances toward_
PLUNKET, _who has hold of_ NANCY'S _arm_.) You forget yourself!
Forbear!

PLUN. Who are you? What do you want? (_A tussel threatens between
the two men._ TRISTAN _backs down, afraid_.)

LADY H. There, there! it's all right! (_To_ TRISTAN.) We are ready
to go now. (_Takes his arm._)

PLUN. I'd like to see you! With my money in your purse! You stay
with us!

TRIS. Fellow! do you know who this is?

LADY H. (_aside to_ TRIS.) No! no! don't betray me! Think what a
scandal if this got to court! Don't you dare to tell them who
I am!

NAN. (_aside_). We should be disgraced forever. Rather die than
that!

TRIS. Well, come, then. It is time for me to insist. I require you
to come with me. (_Tries to lead them off._)

PLUN. (_interferes_). Not so fast! You belong here. These are my
maids, hired and cash paid in advance! Ask the sheriff!

SHERIFF (_who has approached during the altercation, after a long
confab with one of the other girls at one side_). Have you taken
the money?

LADY H. (_draws it out of her purse and flings it at_ LIONEL). Yes.
But there it is; I had forgotten it.

(LIONEL _picks it up and offers it back_. _She refuses it. He
insists._)

SHERIFF. You took it of your own free will and now it is a bargain.
You are bound to serve for one year. Highty, tighty! Do you
think you can play fast and loose with a master in that fashion?
No, no! Bound you are to him and with him you must go!

(_During final chorus_ PLUN. _drives up his horse and cart and the
two girls are handed into the cart_. _They drive away._ TRISTAN
_tries to follow, but is restrained by the crowd. If the horse
and cart cannot be had, the two girls may dodge about among the
crowd, the men following them, and run off at last, the men
chasing them_.)

NO. 7a. FINALE.

CHORUS.

Now our journey's o'er and here we rest with you at last,
After many a mile so long and lone is over past.

(_Curtain._)