Chapter II

Milk is for babes, wrote one that knew.
Sectarian Educators, you
Who dogmas teach which Doctors question,
Are you not giving babes strong meat,
So much too tough for them to eat,
The upshot must be indigestion?

* * * * *

AN OBJECT OF SYMPATHY.

CAN a man murder his wife? The point seems doubtful, to judge by the common experience of the Courts, and the general tone of public opinion, when a charge for this questionable offence is under consideration or comment. On the whole, it would seem to be desirable that we should cease to use the term "Murder" of Wife-killing, and create a special term for that offence--if offence it can be called. May we suggest either "Wife-icide," or "Spousi-cide," or "Uxori-cide"? It would be the correlative, in cases of feminine life-taking, of "justifiable homicide" in the case of male.

It was very touching to observe the general expression of newspaper sympathy with an individual lately convicted for having pushed a little too far, perhaps, the natural feeling of exasperation and impatience with a wife who may safely be assumed to have been a very aggravating person. "Poor monomaniac," "unfortunate gentleman," and so forth, are terms which testify to the natural tenderness of the public feeling towards one who is subjected to such painful consequences for so venial an act of temporary irritation.

We are glad to see that this touching and well-directed sympathy is confined to this unfortunate victim of a rash impulse. As for the woman who provoked him, we observe only a considerate silence, or the expression of a feeling equivalent to the well-known Cornish verdict--"Sarved her right."

* * * * *

NEWS FROM NAPLES.

MR. PUNCH received a letter stating that in the writer's opinion it might interest _Mr. P.'s_ readers to know the state of the weather in Naples. If there be one thing in the world nobody out of Naples cares one farthing about, _Mr. Punch_ supposes that thing to be mentioned above. But, _respice finem_. On examining the report enclosed by his Correspondent, _Mr. Punch_ discovers that the subject is very interesting indeed. Here is the faithful reprint of an official document supplied to the _Naples Observer_. Emphatically we call the weather in question queer weather. We omit barometers and thermometers, and all that stuff.

STATE OF THE WEATHER IN NAPLES FROM THE
6TH TO THE 12TH JAN. 1872.

-------+-------------------------------
DATE. | OBSERVATIONS.
-------+-------------------------------
Jan. 6 | Rain and p. m
" 7 | Rain right Clouded da_y_.
" 8 | Rain rlg_h_t off on day.
" 9 | Heag rain thurdestorm rain d.
" 10 | Heag rain swig right.
" 11 | Clouded day.
" 12 | Brig_h_th da_y_.
-------+-------------------------------

* * * * *

=Spiritualism for Sailors.=

MR. VERNON LUSHINGTON, Permanent Secretary to the Admiralty, speaking of that body of naval administrators, doubtless, with knowledge and in sincerity, calls it a "Phantom Board." A Board of Phantoms may be said to be a Board of Ghosts, and such a Board of Admiralty sending British seamen afloat in rotten _Megaeras_, is a Board of Ghosts with power to add to their number.

* * * * *

A MODEST DEMAND.

THE season might be milder--it could hardly be more malevolent. But here is mildness:--

A WIDOWER of middle age, of quiet and regular habits, who has
three children at boarding school, desires a HOME in the house
of an independent Christian widow or single lady, whose object
in letting apartments is chiefly society, who would accept
merely nominal terms, and where he would be the only lodger.
Nice house and servant desirable.--Address, with every
particular, &c., &c.

What a charming person must this advertiser be, if we may judge from the high value which he sets on his society! No doubt he has been deluged with replies to his advertisement. What independent lady could possibly decline to offer him the home which he so modestly demands, and to sacrifice her independence by accepting him as lodger, first, and finally as lord, as soon as he inclined to offer her his heart? "Beware of widows, _Sammy!_" said the elder _Mr. Weller_. Beware of widowers, ladies! adds the wiser _Mr. Punch_.

* * * * *

=The Weather and the Paths.=

Foul weather! Come on, my Macintosh
And my Boots; we'll never mind it,
While the rain the face of the Earth doth wash,
Though the dirtier still we find it.

* * * * *

=Freshwomen of the Future.=

IT is proposed to transfer the Ladies' College to Cambridge. This addition, if made, to Alma Mater will, in case of future controversy between disorderly undergraduates and other inhabitants, be obviously an advantage over Town in favour of Gown. For even the Graduates and Dons of the gentler sex will all be Gownswomen.

Transcriber Notes:

Passages in italics were indicated by _underscores_.

Passages in bold were indicated by =equal signs=.

Small caps were replaced with ALL CAPS.

Throughout the document, the oe ligature was replaced with "oe".

Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of the speakers. Those words were retained as-is.

Errors in punctuations and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected unless otherwise noted. For instance, a quotation mark is missing in the first main paragraph of "Evenings From Home," and the formatting and spelling of the table under "State of the Weather in Naples from the 6th to the 12th Jan. 1872" is kept as-is.

Illustrations with a single letter in their caption were sometimes used in the original pages to serve as initial capital letters.

On page 51, last part of the poem "The 'Phantom Board'." was moved to page 48 so that the full page illustration "The 'Phantom Board'." would not divide the poem.