Chapter IV: Act I: Scene I

_A Village.—House, with a sign of_ “George III.”—_Two or three tables._—VILLAGERS _discovered, smoking_. VEDDER, KNICKERBOCKER, RORY, CLAUSEN _at table. Chorus at rise of curtain._

CHORUS.

In our native land, where flows the Rhine,
In infancy we culled the vine:
Although we toiled with patient care,
But poor and scanty was our fare.

SOLO.

Till tempting waves, with anxious toil,
We landed on Columbia’s soil;
Now plenty, all our cares repay,
So laugh and dance the hours away.

CHORUS.

Now plenty, all our cares repay,
So laugh and dance the hours away;
Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!
So laugh, ha, ha! and dance the hours away.

VEDDER.

Neighbour Clausen, on your way hither, saw you anything of our friend,
Rip Van Winkle? Where there’s a cup of good liquor to be shared, he’s
sure to be on hand—a thirsty soul.

KNICKERBOCKER.

Truly, the man that turns up his nose at good liquor is a fool, as we
Dutchmen have it; but cut no jokes on Rip; remember, I’m soon to be a
member of his family: and any insult offered to him, I shall resent in
the singular number, and satisfaction must follow, as the Frenchmen have
it.

VEDDER.

So, Knickerbocker, you are really determined to marry Rip’s sister, the
pretty Alice?

KNICKERBOCKER.

Yes, determined to be a prisoner in Hymen’s chains, as the lovers have
it. I’ve got Rip’s consent, I’ve got Alice’s consent, and I’ve got my
own consent.

CLAUSEN.

But have you got the dame’s consent, eh?

KNICKERBOCKER.

There I’m dished and done up brown; would you believe it? she calls me a
long, scraggy, outlandish animal, and that I look like two deal boards
glued together!

RORY.

Here comes Alice, and with her, Rip’s daughter.

_Enter_ ALICE, _with_ LORRENNA. [LOWENA](1)

ALICE.

Come along, loiterer! Woe betide us when we get home, for having tarried
so long! What will the dame say?

LORRENNA.

Well, it’s not my fault, for you have been up and down the lane a dozen
times, looking for the schoolmaster, Knickerbocker.

ALICE.

Hold your tongue, Miss, it’s no such thing.

LORRENNA.

You know you love him.

ALICE.

How do you know that, Miss Pert?

LORRENNA.

I can see it; and seeing is believing, they say. Oh, you’re monstrous
jealous of him, you know you are.

KNICKERBOCKER _advances._

ALICE.

Jealous! I, jealous of him? No, indeed, I never wish to see his ugly
face again.

KNICKERBOCKER.

Say not so, sweet blossom of the valley, for in that case I shall shoot
myself in despair.

ALICE.

Oh, don’t think of such a thing, for then your ghost might haunt me.

LORRENNA.

And I’m sure you would rather have him than his ghost, wouldn’t you,
Alice?

KNICKERBOCKER.

That’s a very smart child. But Alice, sweet Alice, can’t I drop in this
evening, when the old folks are out of the way?

ALICE.

Not for the world; if the dame were to find you in the house, I don’t
know what would happen.

LORRENNA.

Don’t you know, Alice, mammy always goes out for an hour in the evening,
to see her neighbour, Dame Wrigrim; now, if you [_To_ KNICKERBOCKER.]
come at eight o’clock, and throw some gravel at the window, there’s no
knowing but you might see Alice.

KNICKERBOCKER.

That’s an uncommon clever girl; but, Alice, I’m determined to turn over
a new leaf with Dame Van Winkle; the next time I see her, I’ll pluck up
[my] courage and say to her—

DAME.

[_Without._] Alice! Alice! odds bodikins and pins, but I’ll give it you
when I catch you.

_The_ VILLAGERS _exit._

KNICKERBOCKER.

Run, Alice, run!

[ALICE, LORRENNA _and_ KNICKERBOCKER _run to right._

DAME.

[_Without._] Alice!

[ALICE, LORENNA _and_ KNICKERBOCKER _exeunt hastily_.

RORY.

Egad! the dame’s tongue is a perfect scarecrow!

VEDDER.

The sound of her voice sets them running just as if she were one of the
mountain spirits, of whom we hear so much talk. [But where the deuce can
Rip be all this while? [RIP _sings without._] But talk of the devil and
his imps appear.](2)

_Enter_ RIP VAN WINKLE, _with gun, game-bag, &c._

RIP.

Rip, Rip, wass is dis for a business. You are a mix nootze unt dat is a
fact. Now, I started for de mountains dis mornin’, determined to fill my
bag mit game, but I met Von Brunt, de one-eyed sergeant—[comma see hah,
unt brandy-wine hapben my neiber friend];(3) well, I couldn’t refuse to
take a glass mit him, unt den I tooks anoder glass, unt den I took so
much as a dozen, [do](4) I drink no more as a bottle; he drink no more
as I—he got so top heavy, I rolled him in de hedge to sleep a leetle,
for his one eye got so crooked, he never could have seed his way
straight; den I goes to de mountain, [do](5) I see double, [d——d](6) a
bird could I shooted. But I stops now, I drinks no more; if anybody ask
me to drink, I’ll say to dem—[VEDDER _comes down, and offers cup to
him._]—here is your [go-to-hell],(7) and your family’s [go-to-hell], and
may you all live long and [prosper].(8) [_Drinks._

VEDDER.

Why, neighbour Rip, where have you been all day? We feared some of the
[Elfin](9) goblins of the Catskill had caught you.

RIP.

Ha, ha! I never see no ghosts, though I’ve fought mit _spirits_ in my
time, ha, ha!

VEDDER.

And they always throw you, eh? ha, ha!

RIP.

Dat’s a fact! Ha, ha, ha!

VEDDER.

But, Rip, where have you been?

RIP.

Oh, very hard at work(10)—very busy; dere is nothing slipped [fun my
fingers as was come at abe.](11)

RORY.

They appear to have slipped through your game bag though, for it’s full
of emptiness.—Ha, ha, ha!

RIP.

Ho, ho, ho! cut no jokes at my _bag_ or I’ll gib you de sack.

VEDDER.

Come, Rip, sit down, take a pipe and a glass and make yourself
comfortable.

RIP.

[Nine, nine—ech con neiched—](12) it behoves a man to look after his
interest unt not drink all de while, I shall den be able to manage—

VEDDER.

Your wife, Rip?

RIP.

Manage mine [frow](13)? Can you fly to de moon on a [paper](14) kite?
Can you drink all de beer and brandy-wine at one gulp? when you can do
dat, mine goot [im himmel](15) you can manage mine [frow]. [_All
laugh._(16)

RORY.

Take one glass, Rip.(17)

RIP.

No, I won’t touch him.

VEDDER.

Come, come, lay hold.

RIP.

Now I’ll be [d——d fun](18) I does.

VEDDER.

Well, if you won’t. [_All go to table but_ RIP.

RIP.

Dere is [a](19) drinks, dere is [a] drinks; I have [conquered](20)
temptation at last. Bravo resolution! bravo resolution; resolution, you
shall have one glass for dat.(21) [_Goes to table._

OMNES.

Ha, ha, ha!

RORY.

Here, Rip, here’s a glass at your service, and as for the contents I’ll
warrant it genuine and no mistake. [_Gives_ RIP_ a cup._

RIP.

Rory, here is your [go-to-hell],(22) unt your family’s [go-to-hell], un
may you all live long unt [prosper].(23)

RORY.

Come, Rip, give us a stave.

VEDDER.

Yes, yes, Rip, a stave, for the old dame will be after you soon and then
we will all have to make a clearance.

RIP.

Oh, tunner wasser! [won’t](24) my old woman skin me when I get home.

VEDDER AND RORY.

Ha, ha, ha! come, the song, the song.

RIP.

Well, here is Rip Van Winkle’s warning to all single fellows.

SONG.—RIP.

List, my friends, to caution’s voice,
Ere de marriage knot you tie;
It is [the devil],(25) mit shrews to splice,
Dat nobody can deny, deny,
Dat nobody can deny.

_Chorus._—That nobody can deny, &c.

When a wife to rule once wishes,
Mit poor spouse ’tis all my eye,
I’m [d——d](26) if she don’t wear de breeches,
Dat nobody can deny, deny,
Dat nobody can deny.

_Chorus._—That nobody can deny, &c.

Yet dere is a charm about dem,
Do dere voices are so high
We can’t do mit’em, [_Pause._
Nor we can’t do mit-out ’em,
Dat nobody can deny, deny,
Dat nobody can deny.

_Chorus._—That nobody can deny, &c.(27)

DAME.

[_Without._] Rip, Rip! I’ll stretch your ears when I get hold of them.

RIP.

[Mine goot im himmel],(28) dere is my frow.

DAME.

[_Without._] Rip! you lazy varmint! Rip!

RIP.

[_Gets under the table with bottle._] Look out, boys! de wild cat’s
coming.

_Music._—VEDDER, RORY _and_ CLAUSEN, _at table._—_Enter_ DAME, _with a stick._

DAME.

Where is this wicked husband of mine! odds bodikins and pins! I heard
his voice; you’ve hid him somewhere! you ought to be ashamed of
yourselves to inveigle a husband from a tender, loving spouse; but I’m
put upon by all, because they know the mildness of my temper.—[_They
laugh._]—Odds bodikins and curling irons, but some of you shall laugh
the other sides of your mouths—I’ll pull your pates for you.(29)

_Music._—_Chases them round table; they exit._—DAME _upsets table and discovers_ RIP.

DAME.

Oh, you Rip of all rips! what have you to say for yourself?

RIP.

Here is your [go-to-hell],(30) unt your family’s, unt may you all live
long and [prosper].

DAME.

[_Pulling him down the stage by the ear._] I’m cool—that is to say not
very hot: but the mildest temper in the world would be in a passion at
such treatment. Get home, you drunken monster, or I sha’n’t be able to
keep my hands off you. Tell me, sir, what have you been about all day?

RIP.

Hard at work, my dumpsy dumpsy; de first ting I see dis morning was a
fine fat rabbit.

DAME.

A rabbit? Oh, I do like rabbits in a stew; I like everything in a stew.

RIP.

I be [d——d](31) but dat is a fact.

DAME.

Well, well, the rabbit?

RIP.

I was going to tell you, well, dere was de rabbit feeding in de grass.

DAME.

Well, well, Rip?

RIP.

I [puts](32) my gun to my shoulder—

DAME.

Yes,—

RIP.

I takes goot aim mit him.

DAME.

Yes,—

RIP.

I [pulls](33) my trigger, unt—

DAME.

Bang went the gun and down the rabbit fell.

RIP.

Eh? snap went [de](34) gun and off de rabbit run. Ha, ha, ha!

DAME.

No!

RIP.

I be [d——d fun](35) dat is a fact.

DAME.

And you shot nothing?

RIP.

Not dat time; but de next time, I picks me my flint, unt I [creeps](36)
up to de little [pond](37) by de old field, unt dere—what do you
[tink](38) I see?

DAME.

Ducks?

RIP.

More as fifty black ducks—ducks as big as [a goose](39)—well, I hauls up
again.

DAME.

And so will I [_Raising stick._] if you miss fire this time.

RIP.

Bang!

DAME.

How many down?

RIP.

[One!](40)

DAME.

Not more than one duck out of fifty?

RIP.

Yes, a great deal more as [one] duck.

DAME.

Then you shot more than one?

RIP.

Yes, more as one duck,—I shot one old bull.

DAME.

What?

RIP.

I’m [d——d fun] dat is a fact! dat was one down, and [my goot im
himmel](41) how he did roar and bellow, unt lash his tail, unt snort and
sneeze, unt sniff! Well, de bull puts right after me, unt I puts right
away fun de bull: well, de bull comes up mit me just as I was climbing
de fence, unt he catch me mit his horns fun de [seat](42) of my
breeches, unt sent me flying more as a mile high.—Well, by-and-bye
directly, I come down aready in a big tree, unt dere I sticks fast, unt
den—

DAME.

You went fast asleep for the rest of the day.

RIP.

Dat’s a fact. How(43) you know dat? you must be a witch.

DAME.

[_Catching him by the collar._] Home, sir, home! you lazy scamp.
[_Beating him._

RIP.

But, mine lublicka frow—

DAME.

Home! [_Beating him._

RIP.

[Nine! nine!—](44)

DAME.

Home! [_Beats him._

RIP.

[Mine goot im himmel.](45) [_Music._—DAME _beats him off._

*Footnotes*

1 So spelled in the Kerr version.

2 Assigned to CLAUSEN in the Kerr version. Preceding this bracket,

CLAUSEN. Well, she is a tartar, there’s no denying that.
VEDDER. Not but if she were my wife instead of Rip’s. I warrant I’d
soon tame her.
CLAUSEN. Not you! But where the deuce ...

3 Not in the Kerr version.

4 “but” in K.

5 “but as” in K.

6 “not a” in K.

7 “Goot-hell” in K.

8 “brosber” in K. In this speech, there is a variation in dialect as
“v” for “w” in such words as “was,” and “v” for “o” in such a word
as “one.”

9 Not in K.

10 "vork" in K.

11 “froo my fingers as vas comeatable,” in K.

12 “Nein, nein” in K.

13 “frau” in K.

14 “baber” in K.

15 “freund, den” in K.

16 Here is given in Kerr, the following:

VEDDER. I wish she was my wife, I’d manage her.
RIP. And I wish she vas your vife too, or anybody’s vife, so long as
she vasn’t mine vife.

17 RORY’S speech, in K., begins with “Come.”

18 “stewed vhen” in K.

19 “der” in K.

20 “gonguered” in K.

21 In K., variation only in dialect form.

22 “goot-hell” in K.

23 “brosber” in K.

24 “vont” in K. The present edition does not attempt to indicate such
slight variations and differences.

25 “der tyfil” in K.

26 “stewed” in K.

27 In this song, “v” takes the place of “w” in K.

28 “Der tyfil” in K.

29 In K. there follows:

VEDDER. Oh. I wish I was your husband, Dame Winkle. [_Exit._
DAME. You, my husband, you! [_To the others._] Out of my sight,
reprobates.

30 “goot-hell” in K.

31 “stewed” in K.

32 “buts” in K.

33 “bulls” in K.

34 “der” in K.

35 “stewed but” in K.

36 “creebs” in K.

37 “bond” in K.

38 “think” in K.

39 “gooses” in K.

40 “von” in K.

41 “den” in K.

42 “back” in K.

43 “do” follows “how” in K.

44 “Nein, nein” in K.

45 In K., Rip’s speech is “Ter tyfill but I have cotch him dis time!”

SCENE II.

_A Plain Chamber._

_Enter_ DERRIC VAN SLAUS.(46)

DERRIC.

Should the present application fail, I am a ruined man; all my
speculations will be frustrated, and my duplicity exposed; yes, the
dissipation of my son must inevitably prove his ruin as well as mine. To
supply his wants, the public money has been employed; and, if unable to
replace it, heaven knows what may be the consequence. But my son is now
placed with an able advocate in New York, and should he pursue the right
path, there may be still hopes of his reformation.

HERMAN.

[_Without._] My father, you say, is this way?

DERRIC.

What voice is that; my son? What can have recalled him thus suddenly?
Some new misadventure.—Oh, my forboding thoughts!

_Enter_ HERMAN.

DERRIC.

Herman, what brings you back? Are all my cautions thus lightly regarded,
that they can take no hold upon your conduct?

HERMAN.

You have good cause for warmth, sir, but learn the reason of my
disobedience, ere you condemn. Business of importance has urged me
hither—such as concerns us both most intimately.

DERRIC.

Some fresh extravagance, no doubt, to drain my little left, and set a
host of creditors loose upon me.

HERMAN.

Not so, sir, but the reverse. List! you know our neighbour, Rip Van
Winkle?

DERRIC.

Know him? Aye, his idleness is proverbial; you have good cause to
recollect him too, since ’twas by his courage your life was preserved,
when attacked by the famished wolf.

HERMAN.

He has a daughter scarcely seven years old; now, the attorney whom I
serve has been employed to draw up the will and settle the affairs of
this girl’s aunt, who, for some slight offered by Van Winkle, has long
since discarded the family. At her death, the whole of her immense
wealth, in cash and land, is the inheritance of the girl, who is, at
this moment, the richest presumptive heiress in the land.

DERRIC.

What connection can Van Winkle’s fortune have with ours?

HERMAN.

Listen! Were it possible to procure his signature to a contract that his
daughter, when of age, should be married to me, on this security money
might be raised by us to any amount. Now, my good father, am I
comprehensible?

DERRIC.

Truly, this seems no visionary dream, like those in which, with fatal
pertinacity, you have so oft indulged; and, on recollection, the rent of
his tenement is in arrears; ’twill offer favourable opportunity for my
calling and sounding him; the contract must be your care.

HERMAN.

’Tis already prepared and lacks only his signature.—[_Presenting it._]
Lawyers, who would do justice to their clients, must not pause at
conscience; ’tis entirely out of the question when their own interest is
concerned.

DERRIC.

Herman, I like not this black-leg manner of proceeding: yet it augurs
thou wilt be no pettifogger. I’ll to Van Winkle straight and, though not
legalized to act, yet in this case I can do work which honest lawyers
would scorn. [_Exit._

HERMAN.

[_Solus._] True; the honest lawyer lives by his reputation, and
therefore pauses to undertake a cause he knows unjust: but how easily
are some duped. Can my father for a moment suppose that the rank weeds
of youth are so easily uprooted? No! what is to be done, good father of
mine, but to serve myself? young men of the present generation cannot
live without the means of entering into life’s varieties and this supply
will henceforth enable me to do so, to the fullest extent of my
ambitious wishes. [_Exit._

*Footnotes*

46 “_and_ HERMAN” in K. The scene, which is different, runs as follows:

HERMAN. Lecture me as much as you will, father, if at the close of
your sermon you are prepared to supply me with the money
that I need.
DERRIC. Money! that is eternally your cry. Your extravagances have
almost ruined and soon will dishonour me. Oh! I am but
justly punished for my mad indulgence of a son who was
born only to be my bane and curse.
HERMAN. If you could but invent some fresh terms for my reproach!
such frequent repetition becomes, I assure you, very
wearisome.
DERRIC. You have caused me to plunge into debt, and I am now pursued
by a host of creditors.
HERMAN. We must find a way to quiet them. And for the money I now
require—
DERRIC. Not another dollar do you obtain from me. Already, to supply
your cravings, I have misappropriated some of the public
money, and I must replace it soon if I would avert the
shame and degradation with which I now am threatened.
HERMAN. And from which I will save you.
DERRIC. You?
HERMAN. Yes. I! Rip van Winkle, your tenant—
DERRIC. What has that idle, dissipated fellow to do with the present
matter?
HERMAN. Much, as I will show you, and his daughter more.
DERRIC. His daughter?
HERMAN. Now scarcely seven years old, I believe. This girl has an
aunt residing in New York, who has long since, in
consequence of an affront received from Van Winkle,
discarded the whole family. But I have discovered that,
of which they have no notion.
DERRIC. What do you mean?
HERMAN. Why, that the whole of this aunt’s fortune, and she is
immensely rich, must of necessity, at the old lady’s
death, become the inheritance of the little Lowena.
DERRIC. And in what way can that affect us?
HERMAN. You shall hear. I have already caused a contract to be
prepared, and to which you must obtain Rip Van Winkle’s
signature.
DERRIC. What is that contract?
HERMAN. You shall read it presently. Van Winkle is an easy soul, and
at present, I believe, your debtor.
DERRIC. Yes, considerably in arrears with the rent of the tenement,
which he holds from me.
HERMAN. Obtain his signature to the contract I am about to give you,
and ’twill be a security on which money may be raised to
any amount.
DERRIC. You amaze me, I—
HERMAN. You must have cash, father, to relieve you from your
unpleasant difficulties, and I, for those delights of
youth without which there is no advantage in being
young. [_Exeunt._]

SCENE III.

RIP’S _Cottage.—Door.—Window in flat.—A closet in flat, with dishes, shelves, &c.—Clothes-basket, with clothes.—Table, chairs, arm-chair, with cloak over it.—Broom on stage._

KNICKERBOCKER _enters cautiously._

KNICKERBOCKER.

Zooks! I’m venturing into a tiger’s den in quest of a lamb. All’s clear,
however; and, could I but pop on little Alice, how we would bill and
coo. She comes! lie still, my fluttering heart.

_Enter_ ALICE.(47)

ALICE.

[_Without observing_ KNICKERBOCKER.] There, there, go to sleep. Ah!
Knickerbocker, how I love you, [spite of all the strange ways that you
pursue.](48)

KNICKERBOCKER.

[_Aside._] Sensible, susceptible soul! [But merit ever meets its
recompense.](49)

ALICE.

No wonder I am fascinated; [his figure is so elegant, and then his
education! I never see him, but I am ready to jump into his loving arms.
[_Turning, she is caught in the embrace of_ KNICKERBOCKER.](50)

KNICKERBOCKER.

This is too much for human nature to support; [this declaration is a
banquet that gods might prize.(51)] Beauteous angel! hear me, whilst I
proclaim—

[_Kneeling._

DAME.

[_Without._] Go along, you drunken brute.

KNICKERBOCKER.

The devil! ’tis Dame Van Winkle! [what’s to become of me?

ALICE.

If you’re found here I’m ruined! you must conceal yourself—but where?

KNICKERBOCKER.

That’s the important question; oh,](52) I’ll hop into the cupboard.

ALICE.

Not for the world! she is sure to want something out of it. Here, here,
get into this clothes-basket, and let me cover you over with the foul
linen.

KNICKERBOCKER.

It’s a very foul piece of business altogether but I must stomach it
whether I will or no.

_Music.—She puts him into the basket and covers him with linen._

DAME _enters, dragging in_ RIP.

DAME.

And now, sir, I’ve got you home, what have you to say for yourself, I
should like to know?

RIP.

Nothing, [my](53) darling, de least said is soonest mended, and so you
shall have all de talk to yourself.—Now ain’t dat liberal?

DAME.

Where’s all the game you were to bring home?

RIP.

On de wing still: wouldn’t venture to come mitin fire; for though dey
missed mine gun, dere’s one ting for certain, I never miss your blowing
up.

DAME.

My blowing up! Odds bodikins and pins! I shall never be able to contain
myself! Where’s the money to pay the rent, you oaf?

RIP.

I don’t know.—Do you?

DAME.

You’ll go to prison, and that’ll be the end on’t.

RIP.

Come, no more quarrelling to-night. [We’ll](54) see about de rent money
to-morrow morning.

DAME.

To-morrow! it’s always to-morrow with you. So, Alice, you are sitting
and idling as usual, just like your brother, a precious pair of soft
pates.

RIP.

Soft [pate](55)—pretty hard I guess, or it would have been
[fructured](56) long since and dat’s a fact.

DAME.

And now, Alice, come with me that I may satisfy myself how you have
disposed of the children, for in these matters you are just such a
crawler as that vagrum there, [_Is retiring._] that terrapin!

RIP.

Terrapin! Ah, dame, I leaves you to go the whole hog, but hark’ee, my
lovey, before you go, won’t you return de leetle bottle which you manage
to get from me [last night]?(57)

DAME.

Odds bodikins, and pins! A man already drunk, and asking for more
liquor! You sha’n’t have a drop, you sot, that you shall not. The bottle
indeed! not you, eh! faith!

[_Exit with_ ALICE.

RIP.

[Tunder](58) take me if I don’t [think](59) but what she has
[finished](60) it herself, and dat’s de fact. My nose always sniffs like
a terrier’s; ’tis in de cupboard, her Hollands;—so, here goes to nibble.

_Music_.—RIP _opens the closet door cautiously, and is rummaging for a bottle, when he treads on_ KNICKERBOCKER, _who roars out lustily_. RIP, _in his sudden alarm, upsets the [porcelain and glass];_(_61_)_ and, falling, rolls into the middle of the chamber, quaking in every limb, and vociferating loudly._

RIP.

Help! murder! fire! thieves!

KNICKERBOCKER, [_in the interim_](62), _darts out of the closet, and, [beyond the consciousness of future proceeding]_(_63_)_, throws himself into the arm-chair_.—ALICE, _entering hastily, throws a cloak over him, which hides him from observation_.—DAME _enters, alarmed._

DAME.

Odds bodikins and pins! what’s the matter, now?

RIP.

[_Raising his head cautiously._] Matter, indeed! [the devil’s](64) in
the cupboard! Oh, la! I’ll be swammed.

DAME.

In the cupboard!—[_Going there, sees china broken; squalling._]—All my
fine porcelain destroyed! monster! vile, rapacious monster! A devil,
indeed, has been in the cupboard, and that’s you. The china, presented
to me by my grand relations, which I set such store on, smashed into a
thousand pieces; ’tis too much for my weak nerves. I shall swoon! I
shall faint! [_She sinks in the arm-chair, but immediately starts up,
and, squalling, falls into _RIP’S _arms._—KNICKERBOCKER _regains the
closet, unobserved by all, save_ ALICE.

DAME.

Heaven have mercy on us! there was somebody in the chair! somebody in
the chair!

RIP.

Phoo! there’s nothing in de chair, save your old cloak, [_Tossing it
aside._] dat’s all.

DAME.

I’m so alarmed—so agitated, that—Alice, put your hand into my pocket and
you’ll find a bottle. [ALICE_ produces a bottle._

RIP.

[_Aside._] A leetle bottle! Oh, dat’s de [private](65) cupboard. Alice,
let me hold de leetle bottle, whilst you fetch a glass for the old
woman. [ALICE, _hastening off, brings a wine-glass, which_ RIP _fills
and gives to_ DAME.

RIP.

Here’s your [go-to-hell],(66) and your family’s and may you live long
and [prosper](67). [_Drinks from the bottle_; ALICE, _in the interim,
proceeds to the closet and brings_ KNICKERBOCKER _out, who is making for
the door, when, hearing some one approach, he again escapes to his
retreat._

ALICE.

[_At door._] Oh, aunt! aunt! here’s the burgomaster coming up the
garden.

DAME.

Odds bodikins and pins! the burgomaster! what’s to be done now? Coming
for the rent! What’s to be done now, I say?

RIP.

I’ll go to bed and [think](68).

[_Crosses._

DAME.

You sha’n’t go to bed! you must make some fresh excuse;—you’re famous at
them to me;—you have got into the nobble and must get out of it as well
as you can; I shall go and consult my friend, Dame Wrigrim; and Alice,
should the pedlar woman come, desire her not to leave any more of her
rubbish here.

_As_ DAME _retires, she meets_ DERRIC(69) _to whom she curtseys._

DERRIC.

Good evening, Dame.

DAME.

Your honour’s servant. [_Exit_ DAME.

RIP.

[_Aside._] La! what a stew I’m in. Alice take yourself off, ’tis full
time. Wish I was off too, mit all my heart and soul.

ALICE.

[_Aside._] Dear, dear! what will become of my poor Knickerbocker.
[_Exit._

DERRIC.

Well, honest Rip, how wags the world with you?

RIP.

Bad enough, sir, for though [labouring](70) from morn to night, I can
make no advance in de world, though my industry is proverbial, and dat’s
a fact.

DERRIC.

Why, where the bottle is concerned, few, I believe, can boast so much
industry.

RIP.

Dat is a fact; but I suppose you have called concerning de rent.
[_Aside._] How my heart [goes and comes!](71) [_Aloud._] Now if your
honour will be so [good](72) enough to—

DERRIC.

To write the receipt: certainly.

RIP.

Nine, nine! [_Aside._] I’m stewed alive mit [perspiration.](73)

DERRIC.

We’ll talk of the rent at a future period! There is another affair on
which I wish to consult you.

RIP.

Take a chair, your honour.—[_Aside, rubbing his hands together._]—It’s
all right, by de hookey.—[_Aloud._]—Take a glass mit me.
[_They take chairs._

DERRIC.

You know my only son, [whose life you preserved?](74)

RIP.

Yes; and a [wild](75) harum-scarum [dog](76) he is. [_Drinks._

DERRIC.

He [is now stationed in New York, studying the law, and](77) has become
a staid, sober, prudent youth; and [now](78), ’tis my wish that he
should settle in this, his native place, and [that he](79) marry some
honest girl, who is altogether unacquainted with the frivolities of
cities; and I have been thinking that in a few years your daughter will
be grown up, and would make a suitable match for him. True, there will
be some disparity in their ages, but as the years are on the side of the
husband, so ’twill be all the better for the wife, in having a matured
preceptor.

RIP.

Beg [pardon],(80) sir; but it strikes me you are only carrying on your
rigs mit me.

DERRIC.

No, on my honour; and, to convince you that I’m in earnest, I have
brought with me a contract, by which our offspring, when of age, are
bound to intermarry, or forfeit their several fortunes. I shall settle
all mine on Herman, and I shall expect you to do the same for your
daughter.

RIP.

Yah! yah! [ech woll](81); I’ll give her all [I got](82); all my money;
but she must be [d——d](83) smart if she can find [’em.](84) Take a
drink, [Mr.](85) Burgomaster. [_Drinks._

DERRIC.

Well, here are the two contracts, both binding and legally drawn.

RIP.

Yah! yah! [_Drinks._—DERRIC _gives him the pen._] What you want me to do
mit dis?

DERRIC.

Merely sign your name.

RIP.

Me, [put](86) my name to dat [paper], mitout my old woman knowing?—mine
goot [friend],(87) she would skin me. [_Noise in closet._] [Schat! you
witch!](88)

DERRIC.

But I was about to propose, on condition of your signing the contract,
to let you live rent free, in future.

RIP.

Rent free! I’ll sign! but [stop]!(89) my old woman [must] play [old
hob](90) mit me—so put down dat I can break dat contract, if I choose,
in twenty years and a day.—[_Noise._]—[Schat! you witch!](91)

DERRIC.

[_Writing._] As you please.(92) [_Noise._

RIP.

Schat! you witch!(93) [_Drinks._

DERRIC.

Is that a cat, friend Rip? [_Writing._

RIP.

I don’t know if it is a cat—but, if it is my dog [Snider],(94) I
wouldn’t be in his skin when de old woman comes back.

DERRIC.

There, friend Rip, I have inserted, at your request, this codicil:
“Should the said Rip Van Winkle think fit to annul this contract, within
twenty years and a day, he shall be at full liberty to do so.”

RIP.

Yah, yah! [dos] is recht—dat is goot. Now [Mr.](95) Burgomaster, what
you want me to do?

DERRIC.

Sign it!

RIP.

Wass?

DERRIC.

Sign!

RIP.

Give me de [paper](96).—[_Takes it._]—How my head turns
round.—[_Reading._]—“Should the said Rip Van Winkle”—yah, yah! dat is
me.—"Rip Van Winkle—twenty years and a day."—Oh, dat is all
recht.—[_Writing._]—R-i-p V-a-n—[_Noise._]—Schat! you witch!
W-i-n-k-l-e—now, dere he is.

DERRIC.

And there is the counterpart. [_Gives it._

RIP.

Dis is for me, eh? I’ll put him in my breast [pocket](97)—yah, yah.

DERRIC.

Now, Rip, I must bid you good evening.

RIP.

Stop! Take some more liquor. Why, de bottle is empty. Here! Alice!
Alice! get some more schnapps for de burgomaster.

DERRIC.

No, not to-night. [_Rising._] But, should you want any you will always
find a bottle for you at your old friend Rory’s; so, good-night.

RIP.

Stop, [Mr.](98) Burgomaster! I will go and get dat bottle
now.—[_Rising._]—Alice, Alice! [comma see hah!](99)

_Enter_ ALICE.

RIP.

Alice, give me mine hat. [_Alice gives it._] Now, take care of de house
till I comes back: if de old woman comes before I gets home, tell her I
am gone out mit de burgomaster on [par—par—tick—partickler](100)
business.(101) [_Exit, with_ DERRIC.

ALICE _advances, and brings on_ KNICKERBOCKER _from the closet._

ALICE.

So, Mr. Knickerbocker, you are still here.

KNICKERBOCKER.

Yes, all that’s left of me! and, now that the coast is clear, I’ll give
them leg bail, as the lawyers have it; and if ever they catch me here
again—[_He goes towards the door, and returns in sudden alarm._] Oh
dear! oh dear! here’s mother Van Winkle coming back. I shall never get
out of this mess.

ALICE.

It’s all your own fault! Why would you come to-night!

KNICKERBOCKER.

I shall never be able to come again—the cross vixen will take care of
that if she catches me here.

ALICE.

[There is but one method of avoiding her wrath:](102) slip on the
clothes the old pedlar woman brought for sale, and I’ll warrant you’ll
soon be tumbled out of the house.

KNICKERBOCKER.

With a good thrashing to boot, I suppose. [No matter, if I can but slip
out of the house, I don’t care what I slip into.](103) [KNICKERBOCKER
_sits in arm-chair, and is attired by_ ALICE _in a woman’s dress: on
rising, the petticoats but reach his knees._] Confound the lower
garments! they’re too short [by half.](104)

ALICE.

’Tis your legs are too long [by half!](105); stoop down; [say as little
as possible, and you’ll not be discovered.](106) [_He again sits._

DAME _enters._

DAME.

[Well, I’ve got back and I see Mr. Van Slaus is gone! but](107) where’s
that varlet, Rip; out again? Oh, that Rip! that Rip! I’ll certainly be
the death of him; or he will of me, which is most likely. Alice, who
have you in the chair?

ALICE.

The pedlar woman, aunt, who has come for the things she left.

DAME.

The pedlar woman—hark’ee gossip: bring no more of your rubbish here.
Take yourself off, and let me have a clear house.

KNICKERBOCKER.

[_Aside._] ’Gad, I wish I was safely cleared out of it. [KNICKERBOCKER
_rises, hobbles forward; but, forgetting the shortness of the
petticoats, in curtseying, is discovered by the_ DAME, _from the
exposure of his legs._

DAME.

Odds bodikins and pins! who have we here! an imposter! but you shall pay
for it; this is a pedlar woman, indeed, with such lanky shanks. [_She
rushes up to door and, locks it—then, with a broom pursues him round; he
flings bonnet in her face._

KNICKERBOCKER.

Needs must, when the devil drives—so here goes.

_He jumps through the window [which is dashed to pieces]_(_108_)_—and disappears._—DAME _rushes up, with broom, towards window._—ALICE _laughs._

DAME.

What! laugh at his misconduct, hussey. One’s just as bad as the other.
All born to plague me. Get you to bed—to bed, I say. [DAME _drives_
ALICE _off, and follows._

*Footnotes*

47 “_speaking off, to the child,_” in K.

48 Not in K.

49 Not in K.

50 Not in K. Instead, “he is so handsome, his figure is so elegant.”

51 Not in K.

52 Not in K.

53 “mein” in K.

54 “Ve’ll” in K.

55 “bate” in K.

56 “broken” in K. Also add “by your knocks.”

57 Not in K.

58 “Tonner” in K.

59 “tink” in K.

60 “finish” in K.

61 “crockery” in K.

62 Not in K.

63 Not in K.

64 “der tyfil’s” in K.

65 “brivate” in K.

66 “goot-hell” in K.

67 “brosber” in K.

68 “tink” in K.

69 “entering” inserted, in K.

70 “I vork” in K.

71 “bit-and-bat” in K.

72 “goot” in K.

73 “bersbiration” in K.

74 Not in K.

75 “vild” and “tog” in K.

76 Not in K.

77 Not in K.

78 Not in K.

79 Not in K.

80 “bardon” in K.

81 Not in K.

82 Not in K.

83 “uncommon” in K.

84 “him” in K.

85 “Mynheer” in K.

86 “boot” and “baber” in K.

87 “freund” in K.

88 In K. “S—ss cat! be quiet wid you!”.

89 “Stob” and “vould” in K.

90 “der tyfil” in K.

91 In K. “S—s cat! you be quiet, or I will skin you as my vife skins
me.”

92 K. adds, “I will take care to get him so completely in my power that
he shall not dare, however he might desire it, to avail himself of
the power which that addition to the contract will give him.”

93 In K., the line reads. “S—s cat! I vill cut off your tail.”

94 “Schneider” in K.

95 “dat ist” in K; also “Mynheer.”

96 “baber” in K.

97 “bocket” in K.

98 “Mynheer” in K.

99 Not in K.

100 “bar-bar-tick-bartickler” in K.

101 K. has also:

ALICE. She wont believe it.
RIP. Tell her—I’ll be stewed fun it’s a fact.

102 Not in K.

103 In K, only “But, never mind.”

104 Not in K.

105 Not in K.

106 Not in K.

107 Not in K.

108 Not in K.

SCENE IV.

_Half dark.—A front wood.—The report of a gun is heard; shortly after_, RIP _enters, with his fowling piece._

RIP.

[Whip-poor-Will! egad, I think they’ll whip poor Rip.](109)—[ _Takes aim
at bird; it flashes in the pan._]—Another miss! Oh, curse the misses and
the missusses! hang me if I can get a single shot at the sky-flyers.
[Wish](110) I had one of de German guns which Knickerbocker talks so
much about—one dat fires round(111) corners: la! how I’d bring dem down!
bring dem down! were I to wing as many daily as would fill a dearborn,
Dame wouldn’t be satisfied—not that she’s avaricious—but den she must
have something or somebody to snarl at, and I’m the unlucky dog at whom
she always lets fly. Now, she got at me mit de broomstick so soon as I
got back again; if I go home again, she will break my back. Tunner
wasser! how sleepy I am—I can’t go home, she will break my back—so I
will sleep in de mountain to-night, and to-morrow I turn over a new leaf
and drink no more liquor.(112)

VOICE.

[_Outside:_] Rip Van Winkle.

_A dead pause ensues.—Suddenly a noise like the rolling of cannonballs is heard—then a discordant shout of laughter._—RIP _wakes and sits up astonished._

RIP.

What [the deuce](113) is that? [my wife] at mine elbow? Oh, no, nothing
of the kind: I must have been dreaming; so I’ll contrive to nap, since
I’m far enough from her din. [_Reclines and sleeps._(114)

VOICE

[_Outside._] Rip Van Winkle. [_The laugh being repeated_, RIP _again
awakes._(115)

RIP.

I can’t be mistaken dis time. Plague on’t, I’ve got among the spirits of
the mountains, metinks, and haven’t a drop of spirits left to keep them
off.

SWAGGRINO.

(116)[_Without._] Rip Van Winkle! Rip Van Winkle.

RIP.

Rip Van Winkle! that’s me to a certainty.

_Music._—[SWAGGRINO, _the grotesque dwarf, enters_],(117) _bending beneath the weight of a large cask which he bears on his shoulder.—He pauses, examines _RIP, _then invites him to assist him in placing the cask on the ground, which _RIP _complies with._

RIP.

Hang me, if he hasn’t brought my heart up into my mouth: what an
outlandish being, [a sea snake,](118) by dunder!

_Music._—[SWAGGRINO,](119) _pointing to the cask, [entreats_] RIP’S _assistance in bearing it up the mountains._

RIP.

Want me to help you up mit it? Why not say so at first, my old codger?
What a queer old chap, to be sure; but I can’t let him toil up the
mountain with such a heavy load as dat, no, no, and so, old [broad](120)
chops, I’ll help you.

_Music_.—[DWARF](121) _assists in placing cask on_ RIP’S _shoulder. A loud laugh is heard;_ RIP _is alarmed, but_ [DWARF] _signs him to proceed and be of good courage—leads way up rocks. Another peal of laughter, and_ RIP _hastily follows him._

*Footnotes*

109 Not in K.

110 “I vishes” in K. No attempt is being made to indicate small
differences ofdialect.

111 “der” inserted in K.

112 In K., stage direction, “[_Lies down._]”.

113 “der debil” in K.; also “mein frau.”

114 In K., the stage directions are: [_Lies down to sleep._

115 In K., the speech takes this form:
VOICE. [_Without._] Rip Van Winkle!

116 No name in K., only “VOICE.”

117 In K., read. “_One of the_ SPECTRE CREW _enters._”

118 Not in K.

119 “_The_ IMP” in K.; also “asks.”

120 “pale” in K.

121 “IMP” in K.

SCENE V.

_Dark.—The Sleepy Hollow, in the bosom of the mountains, occupying the extreme extent of the stage—stunted trees, fragments of rock in various parts.—Moon in the horizon; __ the entrance to this wild recess being by an opening from the abyss in the rear of the glen._

_Music_.—GROTESQUE DUTCH FIGURES _with [enormous]_(_122_)_ masked heads and lofty tapering hats, discovered playing_ [_at cards in various places—others at Dutch pins—battledores and shuttlecocks—the majority seated on a rock drinking and smoking._](123)

GAUDERKIN.

Since on earth this only day,
In fifty years we’re given to stray,
We’ll keep it as a holiday!
So brothers, let’s be jolly and gay.

ICKEN.

But question, where’s that lazy [wight,](124)
Who, soon as sun withdrew it’s light,
Was for the earth’s rich beverage sent,
And has such time in absence spent.

GAUDERKIN.

Perhaps [with some](125) misfortune he’s been doomed to meet,
Cross’d, no doubt, on the road by mortal feet.

ICKEN.

And what the punishment that you decree
On him, who on our mysteries makes free?

GAUDERKIN.

Twenty years in slumber’s chain,
Is the fate that we ordain:
Yet, if merry wight he prove,
Pleasing dreams his sleep shall move.

ICKEN.

Our brother comes, and up the rugged steep,
A mortal, see, Swaggrino’s presence keep.

OMNES.

Twenty years in slumber’s chain,
Is the fate that we ordain.
He comes! he comes! let silence reign!—
Let silence reign! let silence reign!

_The_ SPIRITS _retire up and station themselves in motionless attitudes_.

_Music_.—[SWAGGRINO](126) _ascends by the opening in the rear followed by_ RIP, _with the keg_.—RIP _advances on the left, and, with the assistance of his conductor, places the cask on the rock.—_

_The_ SPIRITS _remain immovable._

RIP.

I’m a dead man, to a certainty. Into what strange company have I
tumbled! crikey, what will become of me? Dear, dear! would I were home
again, even though along with [Dame](127) Van Winkle.

_Music.—The_ FIGURES _severally advance, and stare at him, then resume their game._ SWAGGRINO _taps the cask; motions the astonished_ RIP _to assist him in distributing its contents into various flagons; an injunction with which he complies._—SWAGGRINO _helps his companions._

RIP.

After all, they seem a harmless set, and there can be no argument with
them, for they appear to be all dumbies.—[Lord were my wife](128) as
silent. They’re a deadly, lively, jolly set; but I wonder what kind of
spirits dese spirits are [drinking!](129) Surely, dere can be no harm
in taking a drop along mit dem.—[_Fills a flagon._]—Here
goes!—Gentlemen, here’s your [go-to-hells,](130) and your [broad
chopped](131) family’s, and may you all live long and prosper.
[_Drinks._]

OMNES.

Ha, ha, ha!

_Music.—A grotesque dance ensues, during which_ RIP _continues to supply himself from the keg.—He at length joins in the dance, and becomes so exhausted, that he reels forward and sinks in front. The dancing ceases, the_ SPIRITS _utter three "ho, ho, ho’s!"—[Some of them sink.]_(132)

END OF ACT I.

*Footnotes*

122 Not in K.

123 In K., reads, “_at Dutch pins—the majority seated on a rock drinking
and smoking—thunder reverberates each time a bowl is delivered_.”

124 “ICHEN” in K.; also “sprite.”

125 Not in K.

126 “_The_ IMP” in K.

127 “Frau” in K.

128 In K., “if mein wife vere”

129 “trinking” in K.

130 “goot-hells” in K.

131 Not in K. Instead, “Your family’s goot-hells.”

132 In K., the stage directions end, “_Moon very bright. Tableau._”