Chapter VI: Part 6

Some time later my father told me that he received this letter one morning before breakfast, and that although the letter was very lengthy, he sat down by the cook-stove and read it through. He said he marveled at it, for he had not believed that I was capable of writing the things that it contained. I do not remember what all I wrote, but I do praise God that the letter had the desired effect. Strange to say, though tobacco was not mentioned in the letter, yet when he had finished reading it, he thrust his hand into his pocket and seizing the thing that had almost become his constant companion, and holding it up before throwing it into the fire, said to my mother, with the tears streaming down his face, "I'll never touch it again if it kills me." Thank God, who had enabled him to make that determined decision. It meant much to him and was indeed a good beginning of his complete surrender to God. I had seen him try many times to quit using this thing that had so enslaved him. He had even gone as long as six months without it in his earnest efforts to break loose; but, sad to say, at the end of that time he had come to the end of his strength, and, not having God to help him, he was compelled, it seemed, to fully surrender again to the enemy and thus become more deeply enslaved. Now his decision was very definite, and in response to his earnest entreaties to the Lord, the abnormal appetite was removed.

The tone of his letter received a few days later indicated to me that he was under a weight of conviction and was ready and willing to humble his heart before the Lord. As there was soon to be a meeting, he said in his letter, "Daughter, will you please have those good brethren and sisters pray for me? The Bible tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much." Portions of his letter were read to the congregation, and earnest, fervent prayer was offered in his behalf.

At the close of the meeting the minister and his wife accompanied me home for the purpose of imparting spiritual help to my father. Upon our arrival we found Father anxious to know the will of God, that he might find real rest to his soul, if possible. He listened attentively to the conversation and instruction, but it seemed that he was bound. He had a desire to pray, but said it seemed that he could not do so. He also said: "The Bible tells us that we shall know that we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren, and now I must know it." We assured him that it was possible for him to have such knowledge, but that it must come through faith.

After spending much time in prayer and earnest efforts to help him, we had to let the case rest, and retired for the night heavily burdened for the deliverance of his soul. The next morning at breakfast I could see that my poor father was suffering, and his expression and pallor showed that he had spent a hard, restless night. Surely the Lord was granting the request made to me previously by letter, that he might have a deep conviction. His appetite being gone, he soon left the table.

THE SURRENDER

Arrangements had been made for him to take the minister and his wife to the city, a distance of fifteen miles, where they were to begin a series of meetings. He went to the barn to prepare for the trip, and while doing his chores, he started with a pitchfork of hay to the hack, but his heart was so heavy and the burden of sin so great that in the blackness of despair he cried out, "O Lord! if I drop into hell the next moment, let me go. I can't stand this any longer"; and, dropping his fork, he sank to the ground on his face pleading for help. The Friend that "sticketh closer than a brother" was right at his side. He heard that cry, for almost immediately my father was up rejoicing and laughing. "You are mocking God," was his first thought, and quite dumbfounded he dropped on his face again and tried to cry and plead as he had just been doing, but it was impossible. His heart was so light and the burden so completely gone that he could not remain prostrate longer.

Now, strange to say, this great change was all so simple and so sudden that the dear man could not comprehend at the time the glorious fact that he had just been "born again," had just "passed from death unto life." Still wondering over his changed condition, he finished his morning chores. He led two frisky colts out to water and afterward remarked how unusually well they behaved on this eventful morning. While they drank, he stood looking up into the heavens, then out upon the meadows and general surroundings. How beautiful everything appeared in the beginning of this new day! Suddenly there came into his heart such a love for the brethren that he wanted to rush into the house at once; but, having those colts, he had first to return to the barn. Then he came hastily to the house.

Instead of being so borne down and dejected, he came rushing through the front door laughing heartily. As he caught sight of me, the reality of the situation dawned upon him, and he rejoiced in this new-found life--real Bible salvation. He stretched out his arms to me over a rocker that stood between us and exclaimed as he embraced me, "O daughter, I believe!" Before he could say anything more on account of his great rejoicing, with a feeling of deep love and fellowship he reached one hand to Brother B. on the couch and the other to Sister B. in a rocker near the stove. Then he said, "Let us pray." As we knelt in real thanksgiving and praise, he began to pour out his heart in gratitude to God for salvation. Indeed, he was no longer bound by Satan but was free--yes, a new creature in Christ Jesus. When we arose rejoicing, even the unsaved members of the family felt the mighty power of God and gathered around weeping as we rejoiced and praised the Lord for this great victory.

MY OWN STRUGGLES AND VICTORIES

Now I wish to add just a few thoughts more in conclusion. All people do not receive this glorious experience in just the same way, or always manifest it as did my father. It was not my privilege at the time of my conversion to have the great flood of good feelings that he enjoyed; but instead I let my faith waver, and shortly after being saved I became seriously troubled with doubts and accusations. Just after my father had been rejoicing so happily, the devil almost crushed me with the thought that perhaps, after all, I had never been saved, as I had never realized such an experience as he had realized.

Could it be possible, I thought, that even though I have been so burdened for my father and have prayed so earnestly for him that I am not saved and never have been? The very thought almost made me faint-hearted. Then I remembered that the minister and others had confidence in me, and I knew that my life was completely changed, as I had really lost the desire for worldly pleasure, which I once so much enjoyed, and had become interested in the things of God. In reading my Bible, I saw that my life measured to its teachings so far as I understood. Therefore I took courage and tried to banish these accusations and leave my case with God.

But the enemy did not forget me, and it seemed that I should be drawn back into his whirlpool of doubts in spite of myself, more especially as I listened to my father in the next few weeks telling others about salvation. It was evident that he thought every one must obtain an experience of salvation in the same manner that he obtained it. My case was so different that finally I could suppress my feelings no longer, and boldly confessed to him one day that my experience was not like his and that if it ought to be I was not saved. Never shall I forget that moment. It meant so much to me. I wondered if he would lose confidence in my profession and if it was really true, and if it could possibly be true, that I was yet unsaved. These serious questionings were soon banished from my mind, for he looked at me and said, "Daughter, I know you are saved. Your life has proved it." Thank God, he did not doubt it; so I took courage and with a mighty effort put the accuser to flight again.

This experience was good for my father, as it had a tendency to balance him so that he would not be too exacting with others. Since that time other members of our family have sought God for the pardon of their sins, and with some of them the new life came in a calm, peaceful way, rather than with such emotional manifestations. The leadings of the Lord are wonderful, and the riches of his grace in the Christian life are inexhaustible.

My Spiritual Struggles and Victories

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 21

I was reared on one of the hilliest, stumpiest, and stoniest Canadian farms I have ever seen. How vividly there come to my mind my boyhood experiences of chopping cord-wood to pay my high-school expenses; of stumping, logging, and picking stones until the skin was worn off my fingers and the stones were stained with my blood. I then thought that mine was a very hard life, but I have long since looked back to those boyhood experiences as God's way of providing me with a physique that has enabled me to serve three years as a missionary in British North America, where the winds were intensely cold and where I was once for twenty-four hours lost in a blizzard at forty-five degrees below zero. In sharp contrast, I have been twenty-eight years in India's tropical heat. This was a preparation for my life-work and in my judgment is God's general method with all his people.

When I was a boy of ten summers, a boyhood friend of my father's visited him. They were taking a walk, and, unnoticed, I followed them. Then I overheard my father's friend praise my brothers and sisters, but say of me, "Frank will never amount to much." My father vigorously protested and sang my praises until I made this resolution: "I must not disappoint my father. I will do something worthy of consideration." That hour I was intellectually awakened.

Parents, let your young people know that you believe in them. About the same time our pastor preached a missionary sermon, at the end of which he circulated a subscription. When the paper came to me, I said to my father, "May I subscribe?" He replied, "If you earn and pay your own money, you may." I subscribed one dollar. I had it earned long before the collectors came around, and wished either that I had subscribed more or that the collectors might come soon. That subscription was the beginning which ended in my giving myself. Parents, give your children a chance to link themselves definitely with Jesus in saving a lost world.

MY CONVERSION

When I was a boy of about thirteen, my father said to me one evening at the setting of the sun, "Water the stock." Soon some boys arrived, and, being a real boy, I forgot my work and played.

A little later my father asked, "Have you done what I told you?"

"Yes, father," I replied.

He knew I had not, and I even now recall that he said not a word but walked away in the twilight so burdened and bowed because of hearing a falsehood from his own boy that it suddenly gave him the appearance of an old man. The boys left, and I watered the stock. Then, boy like, I forgot, went to bed and slept. During the next forenoon Mother called me to her and said:

"Do you know your father neither went to bed nor slept all last night?"

I replied, "No, Mother, I do not know. Why didn't he sleep?"

Mother's answer was, "Your father spent all last night praying for you."

My saintly mother's words and tears went through my heart like an arrow and rang like a bell in my ears, and I became powerfully convicted of sin. Just following that a series of revival meetings were held which continued for several weeks. I became a seeker and had no rest until I found it in penitence and a consciousness of pardoned sin. I was the only convert during the meetings, and critics said, "He will backslide in a few weeks. The revival is a failure." But I am here to tell the story that I am still saved by grace.

I could never reward my father for that night of prevailing prayer, but he lived to see me become a minister, a missionary, and to hold the highest position on the mission field, and then the Lord called him to his eternal reward. My mother entered into rest about two years previous to that time.

It is my hope and prayer that the story of my father's night of prevailing prayer may encourage other parents to pray as he did. Parents may not always through prayer be able to break the wills of their children and compel them to surrender to Jesus, but I do believe that my father prayed until God sent such conviction through the Holy Spirit that sin became such an unbearable burden that I gladly yielded my will to the will of my God; prayed until my sins were pardoned, the burden removed, and I was genuinely converted. I firmly believe that the same heavenly Father will hear the cry of other parents, and for their encouragement I leave this testimony concerning God's answer to my father's fervent prayers.

After my conversion I rejoiced many days in the delight of that precious experience. For months I had a real and precious joy in the consciousness of pardoned sin, but after a time I found that I did not have a continuous, abiding peace and rest. There was a longing for something more than it seemed I now possessed. As a boy I tried very hard to be good, and as I look back I believe that I lived a very correct outward life. I lived among a very godly people, who set a high ideal before me, one to which I felt I could not live. I observed my daily prayers, but suffered many an inward defeat.

MY SPIRITUAL STRUGGLES

I can not now recall that I ever heard a sermon on heart-purity or victory over the power of sin. No person in the congregation where our family attended meetings professed holiness, nor do I remember that the experience was talked about. The people did speak of "having religion" and "more religion." There were people in the congregation whom I still believe lived holy lives, and the testimony of their lives convicted me, for I knew that they had an abiding joy and peace in their religion that I had not. I therefore became very much dissatisfied with my inner life and was struggling all the time for an experience such as I knew others enjoyed.

The weekly testimony of a man who attended our prayer-meetings was, "I have just enough religion to make me miserable." That is, he had too much religion to get his pleasure out of the world and not enough to get it out of his religion. I always felt that that man told the experience I then had. For three years I endured that exceedingly unsatisfactory religious experience. I then attended a revival and went forward for prayer night after night, but no relief came to my poor burdened heart. As my case became more desperate, I recalled the story of Jacob. He prayed until the morning, and at the rising of the sun the angel appeared and blessed him. I spent several nights in prayer, but found no relief.

GAINING THE VICTORY

On Saturday morning about sunrise I was on a straw stack in the barnyard with a long hay-knife cutting across the stack to loosen the straw to feed the cattle. While thus working and in a despondent, meditative mood, wondering what I could do, there seemed suddenly to float out before me in the air in illuminated letters, "John three sixteen." I began to read, "God so loved the world." I reasoned then that God so loved me that "he gave his only begotten Son." All was clear thus far. Then I came to that all-inclusive word, "whosoever." I stopped at "whosoever" and recalled the story I heard of Richard Baxter, who said, "I would rather have the word 'whosoever' in John three sixteen than have Richard Baxter, for then I should at once be tempted to believe it was for some other Richard Baxter."

I reasoned, "I know that my name is in that 'whosoever.'" I then read on--"believeth on him." "Do I believe on him?" This was the next question to be settled. During several years I had, in competition for a Sunday-school prize, recited the whole four Gospels. In thought I ran over what the New Testament said about Jesus and cried out, "I believe every word of the gospel; Lord, I do believe."

Then I read on--"should not perish." Quick as a flash I saw the weak place in my faith. I had been believing on Jesus, but feeling that I should perish. At that point I sprang to my feet on the straw stack and read it over again--"Should not perish, but have everlasting life." Then I saw that through doubt I had treated the promise as though it read "should perish and not have everlasting life." I cried out, "Lord, I will reverse it no longer. I will believe it as it reads."

Then I seemed to have another inspiration. I had long been troubled about understanding what it meant to believe. I had worked out a theory that if I could for a moment forget everything else in the world and see Jesus on the cross, that would be "exercising saving faith"; and when praying, I would find myself trying to do that. I now asked myself this question: "How do you believe your mother's promise?" The answer was at once, "I believe because I believe in my mother, the promiser." The next moment I realized that believing Mother's promises was not a mental effort and struggle such as I had been going through for years, but a mental rest. I just believed that her promise was true without any effort whatever, not because I felt it, but because Mother made it. Then I cried, "Jesus made this promise, and I believe it."

Then I waited and looked again into my heart for the feeling, but no feeling came. I then saw clearly for the first time that I was trusting partly in Jesus and partly to my feelings. Presently the Spirit showed me that feeling never saves any one, that only Jesus saves. I remember that, standing on the straw stack, I cried out, "O Jesus! I put my all on thy promise, and I will leave all with thee." But alas! again I waited for the feeling as a witness, and was sure it would come, but it did not come. I was still trusting partly in Christ and partly to feeling. At last I turned away from looking for feeling and cried aloud: "My Jesus, I stake my all on John three sixteen. If I never have any feeling and if I am lost, I will quote this promise before thee at the judgment and say, 'I cast my little all upon it and trusted it, but it failed me. It is not my fault; it is thine.'"

I had finally, after years of struggling, come where I trusted wholly "in the word of the Lord." Then suddenly I received a definite assurance and great heart-warming peace and joy. At last the witness of the Spirit was mine. Leaping from the straw stack, I ran to my mother, threw my arms around her neck, and shouted, "Mother, I am fully saved! I am fully saved!"

Up to that time I had not had any teaching concerning an experience of sanctification or holiness and had heard no testimonies concerning such an experience, except the testimony of the life of Christians who were living it and professing it under another name. There was in the congregation where I worshiped a sweet-faced, white-haired saint whom we called Mother Robinson. She had prayed a drunkard husband into the kingdom, and my memory even to this day recalls her high type of Christian experience, and I want to bear my strongest possible testimony to the power there is in the testimony of a pure, sweet, and kind life.

Now after years of study and hearing the testimony of many, it is clear to me that during those years as a boy I prayed myself through to the abiding life and what I now believe to be the experience of Scriptural holiness, which, as I understand it, is such a freedom from sin, self-will, and selfishness, and such a passionate love for Jesus, that the heart longs above all things for his approval, companionship, guidance, and blessing, and that gratefully and joyfully gives Jesus "in all things the preeminence."

Thought He Had Sinned Away His Day of Grace

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 22

The enemy of souls has laid many plans and has many devices to deceive people and harass their minds and thereby cause them to bring unnecessarily heavy burdens upon themselves. One of his common impositions is to make a person think that he has committed the unpardonable sin and that all hope of ever obtaining favor with God again is forever gone. When such persons are told that they are laboring under a delusion, and that there is hope for them; that others have felt the same way and formed the same conclusion, but afterwards learned that it was only a deception of the enemy, and were able to renounce the delusion and obtain a good experience and keep it, the answer in most cases is, "My case is different." "Had I taken advantage of past opportunities when I had a chance to do so, I might have been saved, but now it is too late."

Time after time I have labored with those who were sure that their cases were "different" from that of any one else, and that hope was beyond their reach. The situation and feelings seemed so real that no amount of reasoning or evidence to the contrary could change their minds until they became submissive enough to submit themselves to the mercy of God and accept advice and counsel and act upon it. Then they were very soon liberated from the oppressions of the enemy and set free by the grace of God.

One laboring under a deception frequently undergoes as deep suffering of mind and soul as if the situation and conditions were real. A lady once received what was supposed to be an authentic report that her son had been killed in a railway wreck. Circumstances were such that she could receive no communication from him, which apparently added evidence to the truthfulness of the story. Her mother-heart was grief-stricken. In the anguish of her bereavement she refused to be comforted. Later she was told that there was a possibility of his having escaped death, that he was probably yet alive, and that evidence had been received to that effect. No, her feelings were too real, her grief was too great, for her to be deceived, she declared. One day her son arrived home sound and well, and did not even know that there had been a train-wreck at the place whence the report came. The mother then found that her sorrow and grief had been groundless. She accepted the status of affairs, cast aside the false report and her bad feelings, and was happy.

Not long ago I met an old acquaintance, a man above seventy years of age, whom I had not seen for many years. At the time of our former meeting he was enjoying the blessings of a Christian experience and was happy in the service of the Lord. Through devotional neglect, and perhaps for other reasons, he began to entertain doubts concerning his spiritual experience, and he questioned whether or not he had any right, under the circumstances, to lay claim to Christian fellowship with those whom he knew to be spiritual. He knew of nothing sinful that he had done, and he needed not to waver in faith. But the tempter was there to suggest that he had lost his experience and might just as well give up the struggle. He then concluded that the brethren did not have confidence in him, and therefore he dropped his profession.

His heart was still tender, and he did not feel disposed to indulge in sin. In a short time he made "another start" to serve the Lord and tried to repent; but, having so little to repent over, and finding it difficult to have the same earnestness as before, he claimed the victory "by faith," but was soon in "doubting castle" again. These up-and-down experiences continued for many months, during which his spiritual realm was more down than up. Discouragement laid hold upon him, despair followed hard on his track, and the enemy whispered that it was of no use to try any more. The way began to be more and more dreary. Occasionally, however, he was seized with a feeling of desperation to break loose from the state of lethargy into which he had fallen, but alas! his victories were of short duration. These experiences were followed by the accusations of the enemy that he was possessed with devils. Brethren who prayed with him declared that such was not the case.

The darkest scriptures of judgment and everlasting destruction seemed to have been written for him, and, as he viewed the matter, they exactly fitted his case. He had doubted so often when it seemed the Lord was offering a helping hand, that now it was too late; the last cord was severed, the last ray of hope had vanished. It was no difficult matter to believe that he had committed the unpardonable sin, and that God had forever hid his face from him. He resigned himself to the hopelessness of the situation, to meet his fate at the end of his life here upon earth and spend eternity in the regions of the lost. He spent a number of years in this condition.

At the time of our recent visit in a private home, I felt much concerned about his deliverance from such a state and condition. Upon my approaching him on the subject, he immediately informed me that it was useless to waste any of my efforts on him, for his was a hopeless case, as he had sinned against the Holy Ghost. Having met similar cases before, I assured him that there was hope for him, and told him that I could prove by the Word of God and by his own testimony that he had not committed the crime that would cause him to be forever lost, as he had supposed.

Taking my Bible, I turned to Heb. 10:29, which reads as follows: "Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?"

"Have you trodden under foot the Son of God as herein mentioned?" he was then asked. "No," he replied; "I have never doubted that there is a God nor that Jesus Christ is his Son."

"Have you counted the 'blood of the covenant an unholy thing,' that is, that there is no more virtue in the blood of Jesus Christ than there is in the blood of a cow or some other unholy thing?"

"No, sir. I have never denied the power of the blood of Jesus nor 'done despite to the Spirit of grace,'" he replied.

"Then, according to the Bible and your own testimony, you have not blasphemed against the Holy Ghost, nor, as you say, committed the unpardonable sin by sinning against the Holy Ghost. You must forever cease to entertain the idea that you have committed such a sin."

He reluctantly admitted the truth in regard to that point, but said, "There is such a thing as a man's going too far, of trifling so with God that the Spirit of God will no longer strive with him." It was clearly pointed out to him that he had never reached such an experience and that he should cast aside his doubts and fears and call upon God, and was assured that the Lord would save him. He then declared that he had no will of his own, no power to exercise his will if he had any, and was helpless. I told him that any one who could read human nature would at once conclude that he was a man of strong will-power, and that no doubt he frequently made others aware of that fact. His wife said, "That is true; he knows very well how to exercise his will-power."

He was then told to assert his manhood and take a decided stand, to which he replied:

"I have no manhood; I have no power to assert myself in any way."

"But," I replied, "you have been in this town for the past few days, and have asserted your manhood during your entire visit by acting the part of a perfect gentleman. What you need to do now is to kneel with us here in prayer and yield yourself to God, and he will save you the same as he has saved others who thought they were beyond the reach of mercy."

"But my case is different; my heart is hardened like stone; I can not pray; I have no feeling."

"Almost every one in your condition thinks his case is different. If you act according to the instructions given, you will soon be different. Your heart will be changed. Do your part in making the effort, and the Lord will help you to pray, and you will have all the feeling necessary."

We knelt in prayer, laid our hands upon his head, and with a fervent prayer rebuked the deceptive and binding power of Satan, and asked the Lord to save him. He made an effort to pray, but his few words were soon mingled with his sobs and feelings of deepest contrition. A few minutes later he arose praising God for salvation. His doubts and fears had vanished, and his burden was gone. He was once more a free man and had no more fears of death and the judgment. The next day he returned home with a joyful heart. I have frequently heard from him since that time, and he has always sent a message concerning his victorious life.

There are many others who have been harassed by the enemy in like manner; who have lost all hope of recovering their favor with God; who think that they are "different," "hard-hearted," "hopeless," "have sinned away the day of grace," "are under the control of Satan," or in some such like condition. Yet God in his love is extending mercy and only waiting for them to discard their deceptive ideas and accept his grace.

Spiritual Tests

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 23

It is not always concerning temporal things and business affairs and such like that we are tested. But it is the business of the enemy of souls to contest every step on the way to victory. He will contest our salvation and, if possible, get a person to reason with him; and when you reason with the devil, you find him a good reasoner, if you allow him to follow his own line of thought. He will quote Scripture, and give plausible illustrations and logical reasonings. But when he is met as Christ met him, with a "Thus saith the Lord," "It is written," and then told what is written and where it is written, and such like, he is not very long in taking his departure. But just begin to reason, and he will entangle you in argument until you find yourself badly perplexed, unless, like the Master, you give him a sharp rebuke and command him to take his departure.

Perhaps it would be a benefit to some one for me to give a little of my own personal experience in this respect. At the age of fifteen I was converted, receiving a real change of heart. The enemy of my soul was never able to deny that fact, neither did he undertake it. For about ten years I lived to what light I had, and after that began to obtain more light in regard to entering into a deeper experience of divine life, or entire sanctification. I was away from home and had no one to teach me the way of holiness, but the Lord began to instruct me in his Word, and after a few months I was enabled to see just what the Lord required of me in order to obtain the experience desired.

I had felt a hungering and thirsting for something more, for a deeper experience. I had been taught, however, that this satisfying experience could not be obtained until just before the time of death; but as I read in the Word that without holiness no man should see the Lord (Heb. 12:14), that we were to live in righteousness and holiness all the days of our life (Luke 1:75), and that Jesus in his last prayer (John 17:17-20) prayed that we might have that experience, I began to see very clearly what my privilege was. His Word told me, "As he is, so are we in this world," and, "We ought to walk even as he walked"; and this was a closer walk with God than I had been accustomed to enjoy.

It was not long until I reached the point where I made a full consecration, and died the death to the world, and then, like the apostles for whom Jesus prayed, I was in the world, but not of the world, having had that worldly disposition taken out of my heart. When I reached the point where I positively knew that everything was laid upon the altar Christ Jesus, then I realized of a truth that the altar sanctified the gift, and my heart was cleansed from all unrighteousness. The Bible began to open up to me as a new book, and as I went about my Master's business, doing his will as far as he made it known, I had many rich experiences. Although, being of a very quiet disposition naturally, I could not leap and shout as some, yet it was my privilege to be filled with all the fulness of God.

A few months later I was called by the Lord to accept a responsible position in his work. For some months everything went so smoothly that I had perfect victory all the way along and nothing that I could call a severe trial or battle, because my eyes were stayed upon the Lord. But there came a time for advancing further against the enemy, and the Lord saw it was necessary for me to know more about a perfect faith and trust in him in order to deal with other souls. So he permitted me to be tested, to fit me for the work he had for me to do.

Although my soul had been abounding in the riches of his glory for these months as I was busily engaged in my work, one day a suggestion was made to me by a silent voice that I had not had any overflowing blessings for a few days. This did not disturb me, for I felt at perfect peace with God. But soon the same suggestion was presented again and again. Finally the silent voice or impression came on this wise: "Now you have been in this condition almost a week." I felt that my soul during that time had been at peace with God, and I was trusting my case in his hands. I began, however, to search my consecration, as the accuser suggested that there must surely be something wrong.

I began to search my heart, and said, "If there is anything wrong, Lord, I will make it all right," and I asked the Lord to search me. Feeling that all was fully in the hands of the Lord, I was about to dismiss the matter from my mind; but this suggestion came: "If you were sanctified, you would not have a lack of that great joy." Then I said, "Lord, if I am not sanctified, I am willing to get sanctified." So I began to reconsecrate myself to the Lord, and presently I realized that I was fully consecrated to God. Again I was ready to dismiss the matter, but the voice said, "When a person falls from sanctification, he loses his justification also, because he must commit sin in order to fall." Yes, I realized that was so, and then came the words, "You are not saved." I saw at once that it was the enemy, instead of the Lord, talking to me, and like a flash from heaven I rebuked him. I said, "I know I am saved through the grace of God; yes, and sanctified, too." And I boldly declared it, whereupon the enemy took his departure. He saw that he was the one defeated, instead of me.

The enemy had thought that because I was young in the Lord's work I was unable to know his devices. But the Lord was a match for him, and lifted up a standard against him, instead of allowing me to be defeated and overthrown. The Lord knew just how far to permit me to be tried and tempted. This experience has been a source of much help to me since that time; not only for myself, but in dealing with others. The devil is sure to overstep the mark, and we can have the victory over him as long as we keep our eyes stayed upon the Lord. And we can say like Paul, "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me."

There are some who worry and fret and have an abundance of trouble when it is their own fault; and if they would put forth as great an effort to gain a victory and keep it as they do to pet their troubles, there would be a wonderful change and the enemy of souls would be defeated.

A few years ago I met a brother who was weighted down with trouble and sorrows much more than with the glory of God, and was much of the time mourning over his trials and temptations, until his lot did really seem to be a sad one. During my Christian experience I had been having sweeping victory over the powers of the enemy, even through the severe trials and temptations, because I had kept my eyes upon the Lord, and had looked for victories instead of trials. In considering the case of the brother, although I was young in the gospel work, I concluded that if people were in such a condition it was their own fault, and that I could feel as bad as any one if I desired. So I concluded to experiment, but first asked the Lord not to permit me to fall into the hands of the devil.

Accordingly, though I had nothing whatever to feel bad about, I threw myself on a couch and began to sigh and try to feel bad over something. It was but a few minutes until I really did begin to feel miserable. Some one came and desired to know if I was in trouble, but I turned away and would not answer. In a short time I was feeling miserable enough to weep and moan, and even bewail my condition. I then went to my room, fastened the door, and began to call mightily upon God for deliverance from such a condition. I had to put forth no little effort and take God at his word and gain the victory over the powers of Satan. I there learned the lesson that any one can feel bad and have a sorrowful time whether or not he really has anything to feel bad about; but I never desired to repeat the experiment. I have also found that God has power not only to deliver from such a condition, but to keep the soul filled with glory even through the severest testings.

The Confession of a Murderer

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 24

While traveling in evangelistic and missionary work a few years ago another minister and I met with a congregation in a Western city. When I entered the place of worship, my eyes fell upon a woman sitting near the altar. She was an object of pity because of her affliction, which was of a very peculiar nature and noticeable at a glance. Although she was a stranger to me and began uttering such expressions as "Praise the Lord!" and "Halleluiah!" yet I felt that I discerned a false spirit and was strongly impressed that she was possessed with a murderous and deceptive spirit. At the close of the service we were asked to pray for her healing. It was evident that she received no help, and although she made a loud profession of religion, my conviction was deepened that my former impressions were correct, and furthermore that she was guilty of murdering an unborn child.

After the next service this woman and her husband invited me to their home. I went with a prayer that God would send conviction upon them and save them from their deception and lost condition. After spending some time in social conversation, I began to talk with them about their spiritual condition. At first there was some resentment; for the enemy of souls had made them believe that it was no great crime, in fact, no crime at all; that she was really justified in committing the deed; that as no one else knew of it and was not likely to know, she could cover her sin and go on with a profession as a Christian and receive the fellowship of other Christian people. She was kindly told that she had a false spirit, one foreign to the Spirit of God.

She broke down and, with tears streaming down her cheeks, confessed that she had destroyed her unborn child, and said that the affliction soon fastened upon her as leprosy did upon Miriam. Not until the time of our visit did she fully realize the heinousness of her sin nor feel the weight of her guilt. By justifying herself in the act and professing religion without repentance, she had opened the door of her heart to deception.

But now as she became awakened to her real condition, the enemy whispered, as he has done to many others under similar circumstances: "It is too late now; there is no hope; for 'they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God'" (Gal. 5:21). She was told that those who do such things and cover their sins or continue to do them without forsaking them and without repenting are the ones who will not inherit the kingdom of God. "He that covereth his sins shall not prosper; but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy" (Prov. 28:13).

Prayer was offered in her behalf, the evil spirits were rebuked, and she realized a gleam of hope for her deliverance, not only from the deception into which she had fallen, but also from her sin. She began to realize that God was ready to forgive her and set her burdened, repentant heart free, and accept her as his child. Oh, how unworthy she felt!

Now came the question, "Must I confess this deed to the church, to my neighbors, and to the world?" "No, the sin you committed was against yourself and against God," I answered, "and it will do the church and the world no good to know of it. In fact, a knowledge of it might be an injury to some weaker ones. You have confessed it to God and he has forgiven you, and as no one else is injured, there is no one else to whom it need be confessed."

When she had been made free from her guilt by the grace of God, she could then come to him with faith for the healing of her body, and she was delivered from her affliction.

Another case was that of a gambler in one of the Western States who had often been warned against the evils of gambling, but who would not heed the admonitions of friends. He continued his life of folly until the time came when, in the midst of his revelry, a contention arose between him and a fellow gambler. The provocation was so great that both drew deadly weapons, and to save his own life and at the same time to wreak vengeance upon the other man, he fired the fatal shot, and his antagonist fell dead at his feet.

Immediately sorrow filled his heart because he had shed human blood, thus making himself a murderer. In a short time he was behind prison-bars to await trial, and the following message was flashed over the wires to his brother: "I am in trouble; killed a man today; come." Brothers, parents, and friends came with their sympathy and tears, money and influence. Court after court convened, and from year to year the case was continued or sentence was rendered and suspended. For a long time he was under sentence of death. Money and influence prolonged the case, and the indications were that it might be deferred many more years if sufficient money was available.

It was while in that dungeon awaiting the fulfilment of the death-sentence that he felt the wooings of the Spirit of the Lord. He read the New Testament and wrote to us to pray for him. He finally confessed his sins to the Lord and found peace to his soul. He then began to appropriate the promises to his own case for deliverance from prison. God honored his faith and the faith of His servants who were offering earnest prayers that he might be delivered. Contrary to the advice of relatives and friends, he dismissed all legal counsel and decided to place his case entirely in the hands of the God of heaven, who delivered Daniel out of the lions' den and Peter out of prison. In a short time his faith was rewarded by a message being flashed over the wires for the authorities to open the prison-doors and let him go free. Since then he has spent much time visiting prisoners and encouraging them to put their trust in the Lord, who is mighty to save.

Making a Complete Surrender

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 25

From the time of my conversion in early life I longed to be useful in helping others to find the way of salvation. But my inability and lack of talent was an apparent barrier, and caused me to almost despair of ever being able to accomplish the desire of my heart.

Though I felt that I was a Christian, yet I had a longing in my soul for a closer walk with God. There were times when I had spiritual struggles within and without, and I did not know how to be an "overcomer," as mentioned in the Bible.

A few years later, while living in Ohio, I was awakened to the fact that the Lord had promised the gift of the Holy Spirit to his believing children and that it was my privilege to obtain that experience wherein I could enjoy that "great grace" which was upon them all who were assembled at one place after Pentecost. My heart yearned for the experience that the people of those apostolic days enjoyed; and as I read about how willing the Lord was to "give the Holy Ghost to them that believe," and read that we were promised the "Comforter," who would abide in our hearts, I decided to have the experience.

My religious instructors gave me no encouragement; for they had not attained to such an experience themselves and did not think it attainable in this life. But undaunted, and determined to have relief for my burdened soul, I sought the Lord earnestly to reveal to me the secret of obtaining that abundant grace which I was convinced was within my reach if I could only learn how to obtain it.

The time came when my prayers were answered, and I was enabled to make a complete consecration to the will of God. But before reaching that point, I many times fell upon my knees or prostrated myself before the Lord in earnest supplication for that grace. In the meantime I met others who had received it, and I realized more than ever that what they possessed was just the thing for which I had been seeking. There were yet two points that seemed to hinder me in my final efforts. My desire was to have such an outpouring of the Spirit as would cause me to leap and shout the same as some others did when they received the Holy Spirit. The second was that there was one thing which I had not fully yielded to the will of God. Regarding that thing I made a conditional surrender--that if God would give me the experience and then show me that I held a wrong attitude, I would then yield the point. I thought the Lord ought to accept my consecration and give me the experience I had so long sought. But he would not do so.

I began to submit myself to the Lord more fully, and he more clearly opened my understanding to his Word and more definitely shed rays of light upon my pathway concerning the point in question; then came the words of Jesus, "Walk in the light while ye have the light, lest ye go into darkness." My duty was now as clear to me as the morning sun. There was no rebellion in my heart, the surrender was complete, and I could with confidence say that my consecration reached the will of God on every point, regarding all the things I could call to my mind and also everything that might present itself in the future. There was no doubt concerning my having made what we sometimes call a Bible consecration.

Then I realized that I had a right to claim the promise and receive its fulfilment. As I did so, laying claim to the promise as mine and declaring the work was done because the Word of God said so, that whatever touched the altar was made holy, I knew that by faith I had touched the altar, Jesus Christ, and was made holy. I had become willing to receive the blessing in any way that the Lord saw fit to bestow it. Just at the time that I claimed the blessing as mine, quietness reigned. It did not cause me to leap and shout as I had been expecting, but in a quiet manner the Holy Spirit witnessed the work wrought in my soul. I learned that the grace and glory or spiritual power that one possesses is not dependent upon outward demonstrations of the body. While one may leap and shout, another person of a different temperament may remain quiet and yet be drinking just as deeply from the fountain of life.

Although many years have passed, yet I have never once doubted the work wrought in my soul at that time. Amidst the deepest trials of life, sorrow, sickness, and adversity, I have found a sweet solace by trusting all away with Him who understands our every need.

Dark days and shadows of life may come, trials and temptations may present themselves on every hand, the soul may be weighted down with burdens that are heavy to bear, and accusations of the enemy and hours of severe testing may come like a flood; yet for the trusting soul the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against the enemy and lead onward to victory. To me the Lord has been "a very present help in trouble" and a friend in time of need.