Chapter III: Part 3

¶ A _certaine_ felowe there was whiche profered a dagger to sell to a fellowe, _the_ which answered hym and sayd, that he had ryght nought _to giue_ therfore; wherefore the other sayde that he shulde haue hys dagger _upon_ _c_ondycyon that he shulde gyue and delyuer vnto hym therefore _within iii_ dayes after ryghte nought, or els forty shyllynges in money: wher_on the_ other was contente. Thys bergayne thus agreed, he that shulde del_yuer_ his ryght noughte toke no thoughte, vntyll suche tyme that the day apoynted drewe nye. At the whiche tyme he began to ymagen, howe he myght _delyuer_ this man ryght nought. And fyrst of all he thought on a feder, a straw, a pynnes poynte, and suche other; but nothynge could he deuyse but that it was somwhat; wherfore he came home all sadde and pencyfe for sorowe of losynge of his xl. shyllynges, and coulde nother slepe nor take reste, wherof hys wyfe, beynge agreued, demaunded the cause of his heuynes; which at the last after many denayes tolde her all. Well, syr, quod she, lette me here with alone and gette ye forthe a-towne; and I shall handell this matter well ynoughe. This man folowynge his wyfes counsell wente forthe of the

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Therfore, syr, quod she, put your hande in yonder potte, and take your money. This man beynge glad thrust his hande in it, supposyng to haue taken xl shyllynges of money, and thrust his hande thoroughe it vp to the elbowe. Quod the wyfe than: syr, what haue ye there? Mary, quod he, ryghte nought. Syr, quod she, than haue ye youre bergayne, and than my husbande hathe contented you for his dagger accordynge to his promyse.

By this ye may se, that oftentymes a womans wytte at an extremyte _is moche_ better than a mans.

¶ _Of the frere that tolde the thre chyldres fortunes._ xlviii.

¶ There was _a frere_ lymyttour whyche wente a lymyttynge to a cer_tayne_ towne, wherin dwellyd a certayne ryche man of whome he ne_uer coulde_ gette the value of an hal[f]peny: yet he thought he wolde go thyder and assaye hem.[82] And as he wente thyderwarde, the wyfe stand_yng at the_ dore, perceyuynge hym commynge a farre of, thoughte that he _was commynge_ thyther, and by and by ranne in and badde her chyldren standyng _thereby_, that if the frere asked for her, say she was nat within. The frere _sawe her_ runne in and suspected the cause, and came to the dore and asked for the wyfe. The chyldren, as they were bydden, sayde that she was nat within. Than stode he styll lokynge on the chyldren; and at the laste he called to hym the eldeste and badde hym let hym se his hande; and whan he _saw his_ hande: O Jesu! quod he, what fortune for the is ordayned! _Then he asked the_ seconde sonne to se his hande and, his hande sene, the frere sayd: _O Jesu! what_ destenye for the is prepared. Than loked he in the thyrde sonnes _hand_. _O God!_ quod he, thy desteny is hardest of all; and therwith wente he his way. The _wyfe_, heryng these thinges, sodenly ranne out and called the frere againe, _and pray_de hym to come in, and after to sytte downe, and sette before hym _all the vita_ile that she had. And whan he had well eaten and dronken, she be_sought_ hym to tell her the destenyes of her chyldren; which at the last after many _difficulties_ tolde her that the fyrste shulde be a beggar, the seconde a thefe, the thyrde a homicyde; whiche she hearynge fell downe in a soone[83] and toke it greuouslye. The frere comforted her and said that, thoughe these were theyr fortunes, there myght be remedy had. Than she besought of him[84] his counsell. Than said the frere: you must make the eldest that shalbe a beggar a frere, and the seconde that shalbe a thefe a man of lawe, and the thyrde that shalbe an homicyde a phisicyon.

By this tale ye may lerne, that they that will come to the speche or presence of any persone for theyr owne cause, they muste fyrste endeuer them selfe to shewe suche matters as those persones most delyte in.

FOOTNOTES:

[82] _i. e._ him. The Orig. reads _them_.

¶ _Of the boy that bare the frere his masters money._ xlix.

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Ye, quod the frere. Than wente the man to the boye and sayd: syr, thy mayster byddeth the gyue me xl pens. I wyll nat, quod the boye. Than called the man with an hye voyce to the frere and sayd: syr, he sayeth he wyll not. Than quod the frere: bete him; and whan the boye harde his mayster say so, he gaue the man xl pens.

By this ye may se, it is foly for a man to say ye or nay to a matter, excepte he knewe surely what the matter is.

FOOTNOTES:

[83] Swoon.

[84] Orig. reads _besought him of_.

¶ _Of Phylyp Spencer the bochers man._ l.

¶ A certayne bocher dwellynge in Saynt Nicolas[85] Flesshambles in London, called Poule, had a seruaunte called Peter. Thys Peter on a Sonday was at the churche herynge masse; and one of his felowes, whose name was Phylyppe Spencer, was sente to call him at the commaundement of his maister. So it happened at the tyme that the curat _preched_, and in his sermonde touched many auctoryties of the holy scriptures, amonge all, the wordes of the pystles of saynt Poule ad[86] phylypenses: howe [we] be nat onely bounde to beleue in Chryste but also to suffre for Chrystes sake; and [he] sayd these wordes in the pulpet: what sayeth Poule ad Phylyppenses to this? Thys yonge man, that was called Philyppe Spenser, hadde went he had spoken of him [and] answered shortely and sayd: mary, syr, he bad Peter come home and take his parte of a podynge, for he shulde go for a Calfe anone. The curate herynge this, was abasshed, and all the audyence made great laughter.

By thys ye may se, that it is no token of a wyse man to gyue a soden answere to a questyon, before he knowe surely what the matter is.

FOOTNOTES:

[85] Orig, reads _Nocolas_. The Church of St. Nicholas Shambles, which formerly stood in the neigbourhood of Newgate Market, was pulled down at the Reformation. See Cunningham, _Handbook of London_, in voce.

[86] Orig. reads _and_.

¶ _Of the courtear and the carter._ li.

¶ There came a courtyer by a carter, the whiche in derysyon preysed the carters backe, legges, and other membres of his body meruaylously, whose gestynge the carter perceyued and sayde, he had another properte than the courtyer espyed in hym; and whan the courtyer had demanded what it shulde be, he lokyd asyde ouer hys shulder vpon the courtyer and sayde thus: lo! syr, this is my propertie. I haue a walle eye in my hede: for I neuer loke ouer my shulder thys wyse but lyghtlye[87] I spye[88] a knaue.

By this tale a man may se, that he that useth to deryde and mocke other folkes, is somtyme him selfe more deryded and mocked.

FOOTNOTES:

[87] Quickly.

[88] Orig. reads _lyghtlye espye_.

¶ _Of the yongman that prayd his felow to teche hym hys paternoster._ lii.

¶ A yonge man of the age of xx yere, rude and unlerned, in the tyme of Lente came to his curate to be confessed; whiche, whan he was of his lyfe serched and examyned could not saye his Pater noster: wherfore his confessoure exorted him to lerne his Pater noster and shewed him what an holy and goodly prayer it was and the effecte therof and the vii peticyons therin contayned. _The i. sanctificetur &c. halowed be thy name. The ii. adueniat regnum &c. thy kingdome come. The iii. Fiat voluntas &c. thy will be done in earth as it is in heuen. The iv. Panem nostrum &c. geue[89] us_ our dayly sustenaunce alway and helpe vs as we helpe[90] them that haue nede of us. The v. Dimitte &c. Forgyue vs our synnes done to the as we forgyue them that trespas agaynste vs. The vi. Et ne nos. Let vs nat be ouercome with euyll temptacyon. The vii. Sed libera &c. But delyuer us from all euyll. amen. And than his confessour, after this exposicyon to hym made, injoyned hym in penaunce to faste euery Fryday on brede and water, tyll he had his Pater noster well and sufficiently lerned. This yonge man, mekely acceptyng his penaunce, so departed and came home to one of his companyons, and sayde to his felowe: so it is that my gostely father hathe gyuen me in penaunce to faste euery Fryday [on] brede and water, tyll I can say my Pater noster. Therfore I pray thee teche me my Pater noster, and by my truthe I shall therfore teche the a songe of Robyn Hode that shall be worth xx of it.

By thys tale ye may lerne to knowe the effecte of the holy prayer of the Pater noster.

FOOTNOTES:

[89] Singer's ed. reads _yeve_.

[90] Orig. ed. and Singer read _we haue and helpe them_.

¶ _Of the frere that prechyd in ryme expownynge the ave maria._ liii.

¶ A certayne frere there was whiche, vpon Our Lady day the Annuncyacion, made a sermon in the Whyte Freres in London, and began his antetexte thys wyse. Aue Maria gracia plena dominus tecum &c. These wordes, quod the frere, were spoken by the aungell Gabryell to Oure Ladye, whan she conceyued Christe; which is as moche to saye in our mother tonge as: all hayle, Mary, well thou be; the sonne of God is with the. And furthermore the aungell sayde: thou shall conceyue and bere a sonne, and thou shalt call his name Jesum; and Elyzabeth thy swete cosyn, she shall conceyue the swete Saynt John. And so [he] proceded styll in his sermon in suche fonde ryme, that dyuers and many gentylmen of the court that were there began to smyle and laughe. The frere that perceyuyng said thus: Maysters, I pray you, harke; I shall tell you a narracyon. There was ones a yonge preest, that was nat all the best clerke, sayd masse and redde a colect thus: Deus qui vigenti filii tui &c. wherfore he shulde haue said vnigeniti filii tui &c.; and after, whan masse was done, there was suche a gentylman, as one of you are, nowe that had herde this masse, came to the preest and sayde thus: syr, I pray you tell me how many sonnes had God Almyghty? Quod the preest: why aske you that? Mary, syr, quod the gentylman, I suppose he had xx sonnes: for ye sayd right nowe: Deus qui viginti filii tui.[91] The preest, perceyuynge how that he deryded hym, answered hym shortely and said thus: howe many sonnes so euer God Almyghty had, I am sure that thou arte none of them: for thou scornyst the worde of God. And so sayde the frere in the pulpet: no more are ye none of the chyldren of God: for ye scorne and laughe at me nowe, that preche to you the worde of God whiche

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_By this ye may_[92] perceyue wel that the best, the wysyst and the most holyest matter that is, by fond pronuncyacion and otterauns, may be marryd nor shall not[93] edyfye to the audyence. Therfore euery proces shold[94] be vtteryd wyth wordys and countenaunce conuenyent to the matter.

Also yet by thys tale they that be vnlearnyd in the laten tonge may know the sestence[95] of the Aue Maria.

FOOTNOTES:

[91] This portion of the tale is repeated in _Scoggin's or Scogin's Jests_.

¶ _Of the curat that prechyd the artycles of the Crede._ liv.

¶ In a wyllage in Warwykshyre there was a parysh prest, al though he wer no great clarke nor graduat of the vnyuersyte, yet he prechid to hys paryshons vppon a Sonday, declaryng to them xii artycles of the Crede; shewyng them that the furst artycle was to beleue in God the fader almyghty maker of heuen and erth; the second, to beleue in Jesu Cryste hys onely son our Lorde coequal wyth the fader in all thynges perteynyng to the deyte; the thyrd, that he was conceyuyd of the holy goost, borne of the vyrgyn Mary; the fourthe, that he suffred deth under Pons pylate and that he was crucyfyed, dede and beryed; the fyft, that he descended to hell, and fet[96] out the good sowlys that were in feyth and hope, and than the thyrd day rose from deth to lyfe; the syxt, [that] he assendyd into heuen to the ryght syde of God the fader, where he syttyth; the seuynth, that he shall come at the day of dome to judge both us that be quyk and them that be dede; the eyght, to beleue in the Holy Ghost equall God wyth the fader and the sone; the nynth, [to beleue] in the holy churche Catholyk and in the holy communyon of sayntes; the tenth, [to beleue] in the remyssion of synnys; the levynth, [to beleue] in the resurreccyon generall of the body and soule; the twelfth [to beleue] in eurlastynge lyfe that God shall rewarde them that be good. And [he] sayd to his paryshons further, that these artycles ye be bounde to beleue: for they be trewe of auctoryte. And yf you beleue not me, than for a more surete and suffycyent auctoryte go your way to Couentre, and there ye shall se them all playe in Corpus Cristi playe.

By redynge of this tale, they that understand no Laten may lerne to knovve the xii articles of the fayth.

FOOTNOTES:

[92] I have supplied these four words from conjecture. They are not in the original nor in Singer's reprint.

[93] The double negative is very common in old English books.

[94] Orig. reads _wold_.

[95] Essence?

[96] Fetched.

¶ _Of the frere that prechyd the x commaundementis._ lv.

¶ A lymytour of the Gray Freres in London prechyd[97] in a certaine vyllage in the contrey in the tyme of his lymytacyon, and had prechyd a sermon which he had lernyd by hart, that of the declaring of the x. commaundementis. The fyrst, to beleue in one God and to honoure him aboue all thynges. The seconde, to swere not in vayn by hym nor none of his creatures. The thyrde, to absteyne from wordely operacyon on the holy day, thou and all thy seruauntys of whome thou hast cherg. The fourthe, to honour thy parentys and to help them in theyr necessyte. The fyft, to sle no man in dede nor wyll, nor for no hatred hurte his bodye nor good name. The syxte, to do no fornycacyon actuall nor by no vnlefull[98] thought to desyre no fleshly delectacyon. The seuenthe (eighth), to stele nor depryue no mannes goodes by thefte. _The ninth, not to bear false witness against thy neighbour. The tenth, not_[99] to couete nor desyre no mannes goodes vnlefullye. Thou shalt not desyre thy neyghbours wyfe for thyne owne apetyte vnlaufully. And because this frere had preched this sermonde so often, one that had herde it before tolde the freres seruaunte, that his maister was called frere John x. Commaundementes; wherfore this seruaunte shewed the frere his mayster therof, and aduysed him to preche some sermonde of some other matter: for it greued him to here his maister so deryded and to be called frere John x. Commaundementes. For euery man knoweth [quod he] what ye wyll say, as sone as euer ye begyn, because ye haue prechyd it so ofte. Why than, quod the frere, I am sure thou knowest well whiche be the x commaundementes that hast herde them so ofte declared. Ye, syr, quod the seruaunte, that I do. Than, quod the frere, I pray the reherse them vnto me nowe. Mary, quod the seruaunte, they be these. Pride, couetise,[100] slouthe, enuy, wrathe, glotony and lechery.

By redyng thys tale ye may lerne to knowe the x commaundementes and the vii dedely synnes.[101]

FOOTNOTES:

[97] Orig. reads _whych perchyd_, which the context will scarcely allow.

[98] Unlawful.

[99] The words in italics are supplied by me from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer's reprint; but it is evident what the context requires.

[100] Covetousness. Orig. reads _covetous_.

[101] Whitford, in his _Werke for Householders_, 1533, says:--"yet must you have a lesson to teche your folkes to beware of the vii pryncipall synnes, whiche ben communely called the seven dedely synnes, but in dede they doue call them wronge: for they be not alway dedely synnes. Therfore they sholde be called capytall or pryncipall synnes, and not dedely synnes. These ben theyr names by ordere after our dyvysion: Pryde, Envy, Wrath, Covetyse, Glotony, Slouth, and Lechery."

¶ _Of the wyfe that bad her husbande ete the candell fyrste._ lvi.

¶ The husbande sayde to his wyfe thus wyse: by this candell, I dremed thys nyght that I was cockecolde. To whom she answered and sayd: husbande, by this brede, ye are none. Than sayd he: wyfe, eate the brede. She answered and sayd to her husbande: than eate you the candell: for you sware fyrste.

By this a man may se, that a womans answer is _neuer to seke_.

¶ _Of the man of lawes sonnes answer._ lvii.

¶ A woman demaunded a questyon of a little chylde, sonne unto a man of lawe, of what crafte his father was; whiche chylde sayde, his father was a craftye man of lawe.

By this tale a man may perceyue, that somtyme peraduenture yonge Innocentes speke truely vnaduysed.

¶ _Of the frere in the pulpet that bad the woman leue her babelynge._ lviii.

¶ In a certayne parrysshe churche in London, after the olde laudable and accustomed maner, there was a frere Mynor, all thoughe he were nat the best clerke nor coulde nat make the best sermondes, yet by the lycence of the curate he there prechyd to the Parysshons. Among the whyche audyence there was a wyfe at that tyme lytell disposed to contemplacyon, [who] talked wyth a gossype of hers of other femenyne tales so loude that the frere harde and somwhat was perturbed therwith. To whome therfore openly the frere spake and sayd: thou woman there in the tawny gowne, holde thy peace and leaue thy babelynge; thou troublest the worde of God. This woman therwith sodenly abasshed, because the frere spake to her so openly, that all the people her behelde, answered shortly and said: I beshrowe his harte that babeleth more of us two. At the which seyng the people dyd laughe, because they felte but lytell frute in hys sermonde.

By this tale a man may lerne to beware howe he openly rebuketh any other, and in what audyence, lest it come to his owne reprofe.

¶ _Of the Welchman that cast the Scotte into the see._ lix.

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they toke many great interpryses and many shyppes
and many prisoners of other realmes that were
theyr enemyes. Amonge the whiche they happened
on a season to take a Scottes shype; and
dyuers Scottes they slewe and toke prisoners,
amonge whome there was a Welcheman that had
one of the Scottes prysoners, and bad him that he
shulde do of his harneys, whiche to do the Scotte
was very lothe; howe be it for feare at the laste he
pulled it of with an euyll wyll, and sayd to the
Welcheman: and if thou wylte nedes haue my
harneys, take it there, and cast it ouer the borde
into the see. The Welcheman, seynge that, sayd:
by Cottes blud and her nayle,[102] I shall make her
fette[103] it agayne; and toke him by the legges, and
caste hym after ouer the borde into the see.

By this tale a man may lerne, that he that is
subiecte to another, ought to forsake his owne
wyll and folowe his wyll and comaundement that
so hathe subieccyon ouer him, leste it turne to his
great hurte and damage.

FOOTNOTES:

[102] i.e. By God's blood and His nail.

[103] Fetch.

¶ _Of the man that had the dome wyfe._ lx.

¶ There was a man that maryed a woman whiche
had great ryches and beautie; howe be it she had
suche an impedyment of nature, that she was
domme and coulde nat speke. Whiche thinge
made him to be ryght pensyfe and sadde; wherfore,
vpon a day as he walked alone ryght heuy in
harte, thynkynge vpon his wyfe, there came one to
him and asked hym, what was the cause of his
heuynesse; whiche answered that it was onely
because his wife was borne domme. To whome
this other sayde: I shall shewe the sone a remedye
and a medecyne therfore, that is thus: go take an
aspen lefe and laye it vnder her tonge this nyght,
she beynge a slepe; and I warante the that she
shall speke on the morowe. Whiche man, beynge
glad of this medycyne, prepared therfore and
gathered aspyn leaues; wherfore he layde thre of
them vnder her tonge, when she was a slepe. And
on the morowe whan he hymselfe awaked, he, desyrous
to knowe howe his medecyne wrought,
beynge in bedde with her, he demaunded of her
howe she dyd; and sodenly she answered and
sayd: I beshrowe your harte for wakenynge me so
erly; and so by the virtue of that medycyne she
was restored to her speche. But in conclusyon
her speche so encreased day by day, and she was
so curste of condycyon, that euery daye she brauled
and chydde with her husbande so moche, that at
the laste he was more vexed, and hadde moche
more trouble and disease with her shrewde wordes,
than he hadde before whan she was dome. Wherfore,
as he walked another tyme abrode, he happened
to meate agayne with the same persone that
taughte _hym howe to make his wyfe speke_[104]

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and more wery of her nowe than I was before, whan she was domme; wherfore I praye you teche me a medycyne to modefye her, that she speke nat so moche. This other answered and sayd thus: syr, I am a deuyll of hell; but I am one of them that haue leste power there. All be it yet I haue power to make a woman to speke, but and if a woman begyn ones to speke, I, nor all the deuyls in hell that haue the more power, be nat able to make a woman to be styll, nor to cause her to leaue her spekynge.

By thys tale ye may note, that a man ofte tymes desyreth and coueteth moche that thynge, that ofte turneth to his displeasure.

FOOTNOTES:

[104] These words in Italics I have supplied from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer.

¶ _Of the Proctour of Arches that had the lytel wyfe._ lxi.

¶ One askyd a Proctour of the Arches, lately before maryed, why he chose so lytel a wyfe; whiche answered: because he had a texte sayenge thus: ex duobus malis minus[105] est eliendum, that is to saye in englyshe, amonge euyll thinges the leste is to be chosen.

¶ _Of ii nonnes that were shryuen of one preste._ lxii.

¶ In the tyme of Lente there came two nonnes to saynte Johnns in London bycause of the great pardon, there to be confessed. Of the whyche nonnes, the one was a young lady and the other was olde. This yonge lady chose fyrst her confessour, and confessed her that she hadde synned in lechery. The confessour asked, with whome it was; she sayd it was with a lustye gallante. He demaunded where it was; she sayd: in a plesaunte grene herber. He asked further: whan it was. She sayd: in the mery moneth of Maye. Than sayd the confessour this wyse: a fayre yonge lady, with a lusty galante, in a plesaunte herber, and in the mery moneth of Maye! Ye dyd but your kynde! Nowe, by my truthe, God forgyue you, and I do; and so she departed. And incontynent the olde nonne mette with her, askynge her howe she lyked her confessour; whiche sayd he was the best gostly father that euer she hadde and the most easyest in penaunce-geuyng. For comfort wherof this other nonne went to the same confessour and shroue her lykewyse, that she had synned in lechery. And he demaunded with whome. Whiche sayde: with an old frere. He asked where. She said: in her olde cloyster. He asked: what season. She sayde: in Lente. Than the confessour sayd: an old ----, to lye with an old frere, in her olde cloyster, and in the holy tyme of Lente! by cockes body,[106] if God forgyue the, yet wyll I neuer forgyue the. Which wordes caused her to departe all sadde and sore abasshed.

By this tale men may lerne, that a vicyous acte is more abhomynable in one person than in another, in one season than in another, and in one place than in an other.[107]

FOOTNOTES:

[105] orig. reads: _ex duobus malis minus malis_.

[106] By God's body.

[107] If meant as quiet irony, this moral is admirable.

¶ _Of the esquyer that sholde have ben made knyght._ lxiii.

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and the trumpettes began to blowe, a yonge squyer of Englande rydynge on a lusty courser of whych horse the noyse of the trumpettes so prycked the corage, that the squyer could nat him retayne; so that agaynste his wyll he ranne vpon hys enemyes. Whyche squyer, seynge none other remedy, sette his spere in the rest and rode throughe the thyckest of hys enemyes, and in conclusyon had good fortune, and saued hym selfe alyue without hurte: and the Englysshe hooste folowed and had the victorye. And after, whan the felde was wonne, this kynge Edwarde called the squyre and badde hym knele down, _and he_ wolde make hym knyght, because he valyauntely was the man that day, which with the moost couragyous stomake aduentured fyrste vpon theyr enemyes. To whome the squyer thus answered: if it lyke your grace to make any one knyghte therfore, I beseche you to make my horse knyght, and nat _me: for certes_ it was his dede, and nat myne, and full sore agaynst my wyll. Whiche answere the kynge herynge refrayned to promote hym to the order of knyghthode, reputynge hym in maner but for a cowarde; and euer after fauored hym the lesse therfore.

By this tale a man may lerne, howe it is wysedome _when he is_ in good credence to kepe hym[self] therein, and in no wyse to dysable[108] hym selfe to moche.

¶ _Of him that wolde gette the maystrye of his wyfe._ lxiv.

¶ A yonge man, late maryed to a wyfe, thought it was good polecye to gette the maystrye of her in the begynnynge, came to her, the potte sethynge ouer the fyre, all thoughe the meate therein were nat ynoughe soden [and] commaunded[109] her to take the potte fro the fyre; whiche answered and said that the meate was nat redy to eate. And he said agayne: I wyll haue it taken of for my pleasure. This good woman, lothe yet to offende hym, sette the potte besyde the fyre, as he badde. And anone after he commaunded her to sette the potte behynde the dore, and she said agayne: ye be nat wyse therin. But he precysely said, it shuld be so, as he bad. And she gentylly againe dyd his commaundement. This man, yet nat satisfied, comaunded her to set the pot a-hygh vpon the henne roste. What! quod the wyfe, I trowe ye be madde. And he fyerslye than comaunded her to sette it there, or els he sayd she shulde repente it. She, somwhat afrayde to moue his pacyence, toke a ladder, and sette it to the rost[110] and wente her selfe vp the ladder, and toke the potte in her hande, prayeng her husbande than to holde the ladder faste for [fear of] slydynge; whiche so dyd. And whan the husbande loked up, and sawe the potte stande there on hyght, he sayd thus: Lo! nowe standeth the potte there, as I wolde haue it. This wyfe hearynge

_4 lines wanting._

FOOTNOTES:

[108] disparage.

[109] orig. is here apparently very corrupt; it reads: "all thoughe the meat therein were nat ynoughe, sodenlye commaunded," &c.

¶ _Of the penytent that sayd the shepe of God have mercy upon me._ lxv.

¶ A certayne confessour, in the holy tyme of Lente, enioyned his penytente to saye dayly for his penaunce this prayer: Agnus Dei miserere mei, whiche was as moche to saye in englysshe as the Lambe of God haue mercye vpon me. This penytente acceptynge his penaunce departed, and that tyme twelfe monthe after came agayne to be confessed of the same confessoure, whiche demaunded of him whether he had fulfylled his penaunce that he hym enioyned the laste yeare. _Than_ he sayde thus: ye, syr, I thanke God I haue fulfylled it. For I haue sayd thus to daye in the mornynge and so dayly: the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me. To whome the confessour said: nay, I bad the say: Agnus Dei miserere mei, that is, the Lamb of God haue mercy vpon me. Ye, syr, quod the _penytente_, ye say truthe; that was the laste yeare. But now it is a twelfemonthe _since_, and it is a shepe by this tyme. Therfore I muste nedes say nowe: the shepe of God haue mercy vpon me.

By this tale ye may perceyue, that if holy scripture be expowned to the lay people onely in the lytterall sence, peraduenture it shall do lytell good.

FOOTNOTES:

[110] planted it against the roost.

¶ _Of the husbande that sayd he was John Daw._ lxvi.

¶ It _happened_ dyuers to be in communicacyon, amonge whome there was a curate or a parysshe preest and one John Dawe, a parisshon of his; whiche ii had communicacyon more busy than other in thys maner. This preest thought that one myght nat by felynge knowe one from a nother in the darke. John Dawe his parysshone, [being] of the contrary opinyon, layde with his curate for a wager xl pence; whervpon the parysshe preest, wyllynge to proue his wager, wente to this John Dawes house in the euenynge, and sodenly gate hym to bedde with his wyfe; where, whan he began to be somwhat busye, she felynge his crowne sayde shortely with a loude voyce: by God! thou art nat John Dawe. That hearynge, her husbande answered: thou sayest trouthe, wyfe, I John Dawe am here.[111] Therfore, mayster persone, gyue me the money: for ye haue loste your xl. pence.

By this tale ye may lerne to perceyue, that it is no wysedome for a man to be couetous of wynnynge of any wager to put in ieopardye a thynge, that maye turne him to greatter displeasure.

¶ _Of the scoler of Oxforde that proued by souestry ii chykens iii._ lxvii.

¶ A ryche Frankelyn in the contrey hauynge by his wyfe but one chylde and no mo, for the great affeccyon that he had to his sayd chylde founde hym at Oxforde to schole by the space of ii or iii yere. Thys yonge scoler, in a vacacyon[112] tyme, for his disporte came home to his father. It fortuned afterwarde on a nyght, the father, the mother and the sayd yonge scoler

_5 lines wanting._

_I_ haue studyed souestry, and by that scyence I can proue, that these ii chekyns in the dysshe be thre chekyns.[113] Mary, sayde the father, that wolde I fayne se. The scoller toke one of the chekyns in his hande and said: lo! here is one chekyn, and incontynente he toke bothe the chekyns in his hande iointely and sayd: here is ii chekyns; and one and ii maketh iii: ergo here is iii chekyns. Than the father toke one of the chekyns to him selfe, and gaue another to his wyfe, and sayd thus: lo! I wyll haue one of the chekyns to my parte, and thy mother shal haue a nother, and because of thy good argumente thou shalte haue the thyrde to thy supper: for thou gettyst no more meate here at this tyme; whyche promyse the father kepte, and so the scoller wente without his supper.

By this tale men may se, that it is great foly to put one to scole to lerne any subtyll scyence, whiche hathe no naturall wytte.

FOOTNOTES:

[111] orig. reads _I am here John Dawe_.

[112] orig. reads _vocacyon_.

[113] The same story is to be found in _Scogin's Jests_, with a trifling variation. _Scogin's Jests_ were published before 1565. Several of the anecdotes, here narrated, were re-produced in that and other collections. See also _Joake upon Joake_, 1721, where the present story is told of King Charles the Second, Nell Gwynne, and the Duchess of Portsmouth. In this version the Duchess is the sufferer.

¶ _Of the frere that stale the podynge._[114] lxviii.

¶ A frere of London there was that on a Sonday in the mornynge yerly[115] in the somer season came fro London to Barnette to make a colacyon,[116] and was there an houre before hye masse began: and bycause he wolde come to the churche honestly, he wente fyrst to an ale house there to wype his shoes and to make him selfe clenly. In the whyche house there were podynges to sell, and dyuers folkes there brekynge theyr faste, and eatynge podynges. But the frere brake his faste in a secrete place in the same house. This frere sone after came to the church, and by lycence of the curate entered into the pulpet to make a colacyon or sermon. And in his sermon there he rebuked sore the maner of them that met to breke theyr faste on the Sonday before hye masse, and said it was called the deuyls blacke brekefast. And with that worde spekynge, as he dyd caste his armes out to make his countenaunce, there fell a podyng out of his sleue, whiche he hym selfe had stolen a lytell before in the same alehouse; and whan the people saw that, and specially they that brake theyr faste there the same mornynge, and knewe well that the wyfe had complayned howe she had one of her podynges stolen, they laughed so moche at the frere, that he incontynente wente downe out of the pulpet for shame.

By this tale a man may se that, whan a precher dothe rebuke any synne or vyce wherin he is knowen openly to be gyltie him selfe, suche prechynge shall lytell edefye to the people.

FOOTNOTES:

[114] This story, as already mentioned in the Introduction, is taken from the tale of the "Vickar of Bergamo" in _Tarlton's Newes out of Purgatorie_ (1590). See Halliwell's ed. of _Tarlton's Jests, &c._ p. 82. (Shakesp. Sec.).

[115] Early.

[116] Homily.

¶ _Of the frankelyns sonne that cam to take ordres._ lxix.

¶ A certayne scoler there was, intendynge to be made a preest, whyche hadde nother great wytte nor lernynge, came to the bysshoppe to take orders, whose folysshenes the bysshoppe perceyuynge, because he was a ryche mannes sonne wolde nat very strongly oppose him, but asked him thys _questyon: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came, and Japhete; nowe tell me, who was Japhetes father? But the scoler was all abashed, and knew nat what to answere: wherefore the bysshoppe sayde: get the home and consider awhile_, and come agayne and soyle[117] me this questyon, and thou shalt haue orders. This scoler so departed and came home to his father, and shewed hym the cause of the hynderaunce of his orders. Hys father, beyng angry at his folisshenes, thought to teche hym the solucyon of this questyon by a familier example, and called his spanyels before hym, and sayd thus: Thou knowest well, Colle my dogge hathe these iii. whelpes, Ryg, Trygge and Tryboll. Muste nat all my dogges nedes be syre to Tryboll? Than quod the scoler: by God! father, ye [have] sayd trouthe. Let me alone nowe; ye shall se me do well ynoughe the nexte tyme. Wherfore on the morowe he wente to the bysshoppe agayne, and sayd he coulde soyle his questyon. Than sayd the bysshoppe: Noye had thre sonnes, Sem, Came,[118] and Japhete. Now, tell me who was Japhetes father. Mary, syr, quod the scoler, if it plese youre lordeshyppe, Colle my fathers dogge.

By this tale a man may lerne, that it is but loste tyme to teche a fole any thynge, whiche hathe no wytte to perceyue it.

FOOTNOTES:

[117] Satisfy, a very rare word.

¶ _Of the husbandman that lodgyd the frere in his own bedde._ lxx.

¶ It fortuned so that a frere, late in the euenynge, desyred lodgynge of a poore man of the countrey, the whiche for lacke of other lodgyng, glad to harborowe the frere, lodged him in his owne bedde. And after, he and his wyfe, the frere beynge a slepe, came and laye in the same bedde; and in the mornynge after the poore man rose and went to the market, leauyng the frere in the bedde with his wyfe. And as he wente he smiled and laughte to hym selfe; wherfore hys neyghbours demaunded of hym, why he so smyled. He answered and sayd: I laughe to thynke, howe shamefaste the frere shal be whanne he waketh, whome I left in bedde with my wyfe.

By this tale a man may lerne, that he that ouershoteth hym selfe doth folysshely: yet he is more fole to shewe it openly.

FOOTNOTES:

[118] Ham.

¶ _Of the preste that wolde say two gospels for a grote._ lxxi.

¶ Somtyme there dwelled a preest in Stretforde vpon Auyne of small lernyng, which vndeuoutly sange masse and oftentymes twyse on one day. So it happened on a tyme, after his seconde masse was done in shorte space, nat a myle from Stretforde there mette with hym dyuers marchaunte men whiche wolde haue harde masse, and desyred hym to synge masse and he shuld haue a grote; whiche answered them and sayd: syrs, I wyll say masse no more this day; but I wyll say you two gospels for one grote, and that is dogge chepe [for] a masse in any place in Englande.

By this tale a man may se, that they that be rude and unlerned regarde but lytell the meryte and goodness of holy prayer.

¶ _Of the coutear that dyd cast the frere ouer the bote._ lxxii.

_Too much damaged to decypher._

¶ _Of the frere that prechyd what mennys sowles were._ lxxiii.

¶ A precher in pulpet whiche prechyd the worde _of God, amonge other_ matters spake of mennes soules and sayd _that the soule was so_ subtyll that a thousande soules myght daunce _on the space of the nayle of a_ mannes fynger. Amonge which audyence there was a mery conceyted _fellow_ of small deuocyon that answered and sayde thus: mayster doctour, if a thousande soules may daunce on a mannes nayle, I praye you than, where shall the pyper stande?

By this tale a man may se, that it is but foly to shewe or to teche vertue to them, that haue no pleasure nor mynde therto.

¶ _Of the husbande that cryed ble under the bed._ lxxiv.

¶ In London there was a certayne artifycer hauyng a fayre wife, to whom a lusty galante made pursute to accomplisshe his pleasure. This woman, denyeng, shewed the matter vnto her husband whiche, moued therewith, bad his wyfe to appoynte him a tyme to come secretly to lye with her all nyght, and with great crakes and othes sware that, agaynst his comyng, he wolde be redy harneysed and wolde put him in ieopardye of his lyfe, except he wolde make hym a great amendes. Thys nyght was then appoynted; at whiche tyme thys courtyer came at his houre, and entred in at the chamber, and set his two-hande sworde downe, and sayde these wordes: stande thou there, thou sworde, the dethe of thre men! This husbande lyenge vnder the bedde in harneys, herynge these wordes, lay still for fere. The courtyer anone gat him to bed with the wyfe about his prepensed busynesse; and within an houre or two the husbande, beynge wery of lyenge, beganne to remoue hym. The courtyer, that hearynge, asked the wyfe what thinge that was that remoued vnder the bedde; whiche, excusyng the matter, sayd it was a lytell shepe, that was wonte dayly to go about the house; and the husbande, that herynge, anone cryed _ble_, as it had ben a shepe. And so in conclusyon, whan the courtyer sawe his tyme, he rose and kissed the wyfe, and took his leaue and departed. And as sone as he was gone the husbande arose; and, whan the wyfe loked on him, somwhat abasshed began to make a sad countenance; and [she] sayde; alas! syr, why did you * *

_The remainder of this tale is wanting._

_By this tale ye may se_, that he is not wyse that will put his confydence _in bosters_ and great crakers, whiche ofte tymes wyll do but ly_tell, when it comes to_ the poynte.

¶ _Of the shomaker that asked the colyer what tydynges in hell._[119] lxxv.

¶ A souter[120] syttynge in his shope, that sawe a colyer come by, _deryded hym_, because he was so blacke, and asked hym, what newes from hell and howe the deuyll fared. To whome the colyer answeryd hym: he was well, whan I sawe hym laste; for he was rydynge _and waited_ but for a souter to plucke on his botes.

By this ye may se that he that vseth to deryde other folkes is somtyme him selfe more deryded and mocked.

FOOTNOTES:

[119] The blackness of colliers was employed of course from a very early period as a ground for satirical insinuations as to their connection with the Evil One. In 1568, Ulpian Fulwell, a distinguished writer of the Elizabethan era, published _A Pleasant Interlude intituled Like will to Like quoth the Devil to the Collier_; and in the old play of _Grim the Collier of Croydon_, the epithet grim was intended to convey a similar idea. In _Robin Goodfellow His Mad Pranks and Merry Jests_, 1628, however, Grim is the name of a Fairy.

[120] Shoemaker or Cobbler. Lat. _Sutor_.

¶ _Of Seynt Peter that cryed cause bobe._ lxxvi.

¶ I fynde wrytten amonge olde gestes,[121] howe God mayde Saynt Peter porter of heuen, and that God of hys goodnes, sone after his passyon, suffered many men to come to the kyngdome of Heuen with small deseruynge; at whiche tyme there was in heuen a great company of Welchemen, whyche with their crakynge and babelynge troubled all the other. Wherfore God sayde to saynte Peter, that he was wery of them, and that he wolde fayne haue them out of heuen. To whome saynte Peter sayd: Good Lorde, I warrente you, that shal be done. Wherfore saynt Peter wente out of heuen gates and cryed wyth a loud voyce _Cause bobe_, that is as moche to saye as rosted chese, whiche thynge the Welchemen herynge, ranne out of Heuen a great pace. And when Saynt Peter sawe them all out, he sodenly wente into Heuen, and locked the dore, and so sparred all the Welchemen out.

By this ye may se, that it is no wysdome for a man to loue or to set his mynde to moche vpon any delycate or worldely pleasure, wherby he shall lose the celestyall and eternall ioye.

FOOTNOTES:

[121] It is not very usual to find this word in its jocular sense spelled in this manner. It continued to be used in its original signification (_action_ or _exploit_) even to the Restoration, perhaps later. The most recent example of this employment with which the Editor has happened to meet is at p. 29 of Mauley's _Iter Carolinum_, 1660, where the writer speaks of "His Majesties Gests from Newcastle to Holdenby in Feb. 1646." These _gests_ were certainly no _jests_. Since the former part of this note was written a more recent instance of the use of _gest_ in the sense in question has occurred to the Editor in the _Life and Gests of S. Thomas Cantilupe, Gant_, 1674. 8vo.

¶ _Of hym that aduenturyd body and soule for hys prynce._ lxxvii.

¶ Two knyghtes there were which wente to a standynge fylde with theyr prynce; but one of them was confessed before he wente, but the other wente into the felde without shryfte or repentaunce. Afterwarde thys prynce wanne the fylde, and had the victory that day; wherfore he that was confessed came to the prynce, and asked an offyce and sayd that he had deserved it, for he had done good seruice and aduentured that day as farre as any man in the felde. To whome the other that was unconfessed answered and sayd: nay, by the masse, I am more worthy to haue a rewarde than he: for he aduentured but his body for your sake, for he durst nat go to the felde tyll he was confessed; _but I that was unconfessed adventured my soule_.[122] * * * *

_The remainder of this tale is wanting._

¶ _Of the parson that stale the mylners elys._ lxxviii.

_Too imperfect to decypher._

¶ _Of the Welchman that saw one xls. better than God._ lxxix.

¶ A Welchman on a tyme went to churche to _be shryued, and chanced_ to come in euyn at the sacryng-time.[123] When he had _confessed him_ he went home, wher one of his felowes askyd hym wh_ether he had seen God_ Almighty to day; which answerd and sayd: nay, but I saw _one forty shillings better_.

¶ _Of the frere that said dyryge for the hoggys soule._ lxxx.

¶ Upon a tyme certayn women in the countrye were _appoynted[124] to dery_de and mokke a frere limitour, that vsed moche to _trouble them_; whereupon one of them, a lytyll before the frere came, _tooke a hogge_, and for dysport leyd it under the borde after the manner of a corse; _and told the_ frere it was her good man and dysyred hime to say dirige for his soule. _Where_fore the frere and his felaw began Placebo and Dirige and so fo_rth, thorough_ the seruyse full devowtly, which the wyues so heryng could not re_fraine_ them selfe from lawghynge and went in to a lytyll parler to lawgh _more_ at theyr pleasure. These freris somwhat suspected the cause, and quikly, _or_ that the women were ware, lokyd under the borde, and spying[125] that it was an hog, sodenly toke it bytwene them and bare it homeward as fast as they might. The women, seyng that, ran after the frere and cryed: com agayn, maester frere, come agayne, and let it allone. Nay by my faith, quod the frere, he is a broder of ours, and therefore he must nedys be buryed in oure cloyster. And so the frerys gate the hog.

By this ye may se, that they that use to deride and mok other, somtyme it tornyth to theyre owne losse and damage.

FOOTNOTES:

[122] The words in Italics are supplied from conjecture. They are not in orig. or in Singer.

[123] Sacrament.

[124] Prepared, _i.e._ had made themselves ready.

[125] Orig. reads _spyed_.

¶ _Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem for Crystes soul._ lxxxi.

¶ A certayn prest there was that dwellyd in the cuntry which was not very well lernyd. Therfore on Ester-Euyn he sent his boy to the prest of the next town, that was ii. myle from thens, to know what masse he sholde synge on the morowe. This boy came to the sayd prest, and dyd his maysters errande to hym. Then quod the prest: tel thy mayster that he must * *

_Several lines wanting._

masse he shuld synge on the morowe. By my trothe, _quod the boy_, I have forgotten it; but he bad me tell you it began * * * * _Then quod the prest_: I trowe thou sayest trewth: for now I remem_ber me it is the masse of requiem_: for God Almyghty dyed upon Good Fry_day_, and it _is meet we shulde say masse_ for hys soule.

_By thys tale ye may se, that_ when one fole sendyth another fole on hys er_rand, hys_ besynes folyshly sped.

¶ _Of the herdeman that sayde: ryde apace, ye shall haue rayn._ lxxxii.

¶ _A certayne skoler of Oxenford_ which had studied the iudicials of astronomy, _upon a tyme as he_ was rydyng by the way, came[126] by a herdman; and _he asked thys herdm_an how far it was to the next town. Syr, quod the herd_man, it is rather_ past a mile and an half; but, sir, quod he, ye nede to ryde _apace: for ye shal h_aue a shower of rayn, or ye com thider. What, quod the skoler, _maketh ye say so_? There ys no token of rayn: for the cloudes be both fayr and clere. _By my troth_, quod the herdman, but ye shall fynd it so. The skoler then rode forth, _and it chanced_ or he had ryden half a myle forther, there fell a good showre of rayn _and[127] thys_ skoler was well washyd and wett to the skyn. The skoler then tornyd _hym backe, and_ rode to the herdman, and desyryd hym to tech him that connyng. _Nay_, quod the herdman, I wyll not tech you my connynge for nought. Then _the skoler_ profferyde hym xl shyllyngs to teche hym that connynge. The herd_man, after_ he had reseyuyd hys money, sayd thus: syr, se you not yonder _blacke_ ewe with the whyte face? Yes, quod the skoler. Suerly, quod the herdman, when she daunsith and holdeth up her tayle, ye shall haue a showre of rayn within half an howre after.[128]

By this ye may se, that the connyng of herdmen and shepardes, as touchinge alteracyons of weders, is more sure than the iudicials of astronomy.

FOOTNOTES:

[126] Orig. reads _which came_.

[127] Singer's conjectural reading is _that_; but _and_ seems to me to be the word required.

¶ _Of hym that sayde: I shall haue nener a peny._ lxxxiii.

¶ In a certayne towne, there was a rych man that lay on his deth bed at poynte of deth, whyche chargyd hys executours to dele[129] for hys soule a certayne some of money in pence, and on thys condicion chargyd them as they would answere afore God, that euery pore man that cam to them and told a trew tale shulde haue a peny, and they that said a fals thing shuld haue none; and in the dole-tyme there cam one whych sayd that God was a good man. Quod the executours: thou shalt haue a peny, for thou saist trouth. Anone came a nother and said, the deuil was a good man. Quod the executours: there thou lyest; therefore thou shalt haue nere a peny. At laste came on[e] to the executors and said thus: ye shall gyue me nere a peny: which wordes made the executors amasyd, and toke aduysment whyther they shuld * * * *

_The end of this tale is wanting._

FOOTNOTES:

[128] See _Scoggin's Jests_(reprint 1795), p. 47.

[129] Count out.

¶ _Of the husbande that sayde hys wyfe and he agreed well._ lxxxiv.

_Too imperfect to decypher._

¶ _Of the prest that sayde Comede episcope._ lxxxv.

¶ In the tyme of visitacyon a bysshoppe, whi_che was maryed_[130] and had gote many chyldren, prepared to questyon a preest what rule he kepte, whiche preest had a le_man_ * * * * * and by her had two or thre small chyldren. In shorte _tyme before the Bys_shoppes commynge, he prepared a rowme to hyde his _leman and children_ ouer in the rofe of his hall; and whan the bysshoppe was _come and discoursing_ with him in the same hall, hauynge x of his owne chyldren about him, _the preest_, who coude speke lytell lytyn or none, bad the bysshoppe in latyn * * * * Comede,[131] episcope. This woman in rofe of the house, hearing _the preest say_ so, had went[132] he had called her, byddynge her: come, Ede; and _answered him_ and sayde: shall I brynge my chyldren with me also? The bysshoppe, _hearing_ this, sayde in sporte: vxor tua sicut vitis abundans in lateribus domus tuæ. The preest than, halfe amasyd, answerd and sayd: filii tui sicut nouellæ oliuarum in circuitu mensæ tuæ.

By this ye may se, that they, that have but small lernyng, som tyme speke truely unaduysed.

FOOTNOTES:

[130] These two words are not in orig. or in Singer; but they seem to be what the context requires.

¶ _Of the woman that stale the pot._ lxxxvi.