Chapter XXXIII

THE GREAT CASH-ROOM—THE WATCH-DOG OF THE TREASURY.

No Need for Dirty Money—The Flowers of July—Money Affairs—The
Great Cash-Room—Its Marble Glories—A Glance Inside—The
Beautiful Walls—A Good Deal of Very Bad Taste—Only Made of
Plaster—“The Watch Dog” of the Treasury—The Custodian of the
Cash—A Broken-nosed Pitcher—Ink for the Autographs—His Ancient
Chair—“The General”—“Crooked, Crotchety, and
Great-hearted”—“Principles” and Pantaloons—Below the Surface—An
Unpaintable Face—An Object of Personal Curiosity—Dick and Dolly
pay the General a Visit—How the Thing is Done—Getting his
Autograph—A Specimen for the Folks at Home—Where the Treasurer
Sleeps—Going the Round at Night—Making Assurance Sure—Awakened
by a Strong Impression—Sleepless—In the “Small Hours”—Finding
the Door Open—A Careless Clerk—The Care of Eight Hundred
Millions—On the Alert—The Auditors—The Solicitor’s Office—The
Light-House Board—The Coast Survey—Internal Revenue Department, 339

CHAPTER XXXIV.

WOMAN’S WORK IN THE DEPARTMENTS—WHAT THEY DO AND HOW THEY DO IT.

Women Experts in the Treasury—Their Superiority to Men—Money
Burnt in the Chicago Fire—Cases of Valuable Rubbish—Identifying
Burnt Greenbacks—The Ashes of the Boston Fire—From the Bottom
of the Mississippi—Mrs. Patterson Saves a “Pile” of Money—Money
in the Toes of Stockings—In the Stomachs of Men and Beasts—From
the Bodies of the Murdered and Drowned—One Hundred and Eighty
Women at Work—“The Broom Brigade”—Scrubbing the Floors—Stories
which Might be Told—Meditating Suicide—The Struggle of Life—How
a Thousand Women are Employed—Speaking of Their Characters—Miss
Grundy of New York—Women of Business Capacity—A Lady as Big as
Two Books!—A Disgrace to the Nation—Working for Two, Paid for
One—Beaten by a Woman—The Post-Office Department—Folding “Dead
Letters”—A Woman Who has Worked Well—“Sorrow Does Not Kill”—The
Patent Office—Changes Which Should be Made, 350

CHAPTER XXXV.

WOMEN’S WORK IN THE TREASURY—HOW APPOINTMENTS ARE MADE.

The Difference Between Men and Women—A Shameful and Disgraceful
Fraud—What Two Women Did—Cutting Down the Salaries of Women—The
First Woman-Clerk in the Treasury—Taking Her Husband’s
Place—The Feminine Tea-Pot—“A Woman can Use Scissors Better
than a Man”—Profound Discovery!—“She’ll do it
_Cheaper”_—Besieged by Women—Scenes of Distress and
Trouble—Infamous Intrigues—The Baseness of Certain
Senators—Virtue Spattered with Mud—Secret Doings in High
Places—Sounding Magnanimous—Passing the Examination—The
Irrepressible Masculine Tyrants—Up to the Mark, but not
Winning—An Alarming Suggestion—Men _Versus_ Women—Tampering
with the Scales, 369

CHAPTER XXXVI.

GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL LIFE—HOW PLACE AND POWER ARE WON.

Keeping his Eye Open—The Sweet and Winning Ways of Mr.
Parasite—In Office—The Fault of the “People” and “my
Friends”—Pulling the Wool over the Eyes of the Innocent—Writing
Letters in a Big Way—The “Dark Ways” of Wicked Mr. P—— —A
Suspicious Yearning for Private Life—The Sweets of Office—John
Jones is not Encouraged—Post-offices as Plentiful as
Blackberries—Receiving Office seekers—Dismissing
John—Over-crowded Pastures—John’s Own Private Opinion—Peculiar
Impartiality of the Man in Office—What the Successful Man
Said—A Certain Kind of Man, and Where He can be Found, 382