Chapter I: DIP my pen into the ink,

And grasp your album tight;
But for my life I cannot think
One single word to write.

* * * * *

IN the storms of life,
When you need an umbrella,
May you have to uphold it
A handsome young fellow.

* * * * *

MAY beauty and truth,
Keep you in youth;
Green tea and sage,
Preserve your old age.

* * * * *

SOME people can be very funny;
I never could be so.
So I’ll just inscribe my name;
It’s the funniest thing I know.

* * * * *

FEE SIMPLE and simple fee,
And all the fees entail
Are nothing when compared to thee—
Thou best of fees—fe-male.

* * * * *

WHAT! write in your album, for critics to spy,
For the learned to laugh at?—No, not I!

* * * * *

ACCEPT my valued friendship,
And roll it up in cotton,
And think it not illusion,
Because so easily gotten.

* * * * *

WITHSOEVER is this for why?
Wherefore. Ain’t it?

* * * * *

WHEN I, poor elf, shall have vanished in vapor,
May still my memory live—on paper.

* * * * *

ROUND went the book, and here it came,
In it for me to write my name;
I would write better, if I could,
But nature said I never should.

* * * * *

IF you wish to laugh;
Glance at my autograph.

* * * * *

WHEN on this page you chance to look,
Think of me and close the book.

* * * * *

SAILING down the stream of life,
In your little bark canoe,
May you have a pleasant trip,
With just room enough for two.

* * * * *

DEAR FRIEND:—

DO not doubt me;
You know more about me
Than many whose names
Here appear.
But to tell them I’ll never—
What! never? Hardly ever—
What I’d like to write to you
Here.

’TIS nonsense I’ve written;
You’ll think I am smitten
With charms that I hold
Very dear.
Please excuse me from writing,
More lines so inviting,
Your time to be spent
Idly here.

* * * * *