Chapter X (44)

If she be barren, she is not—&c. If she have [5785]children, and thy state be not good, though thou be wary and circumspect, thy charge will undo thee,—foecunda domum tibi prole gravabit, [5786]thou wilt not be able to bring them up, [5787]and what greater misery can there be than to beget children, to whom thou canst leave no other inheritance but hunger and thirst? [5788]cum fames dominatur, strident voces rogantium panem, penetrantes patris cor: what so grievous as to turn them up to the wide world, to shift for themselves? No plague like to want: and when thou hast good means, and art very careful of their education, they will not be ruled. Think but of that old proverb, ᾑρώων τέκνα πήματα, heroum filii noxae, great men's sons seldom do well; O utinam aut coelebs mansissem, aut prole carerem! would that I had either remained single, or not had children, [5789]Augustus exclaims in Suetonius. Jacob had his Reuben, Simeon and Levi; David an Amnon, an Absalom, Adoniah; wise men's sons are commonly fools, insomuch that Spartian concludes, Neminem prope magnorum virorum optimum et utilem reliquisse filium: [5790]they had been much better to have been childless. 'Tis too common in the middle sort; thy son's a drunkard, a gamester, a spendthrift; thy daughter a fool, a whore; thy servants lazy drones and thieves; thy neighbours devils, they will make thee weary of thy life. [5791]If thy wife be froward, when she may not have her will, thou hadst better be buried alive; she will be so impatient, raving still, and roaring like Juno in the tragedy, there's nothing but tempests, all is in an uproar. If she be soft and foolish, thou wert better have a block, she will shame thee and reveal thy secrets; if wise and learned, well qualified, there is as much danger on the other side, mulierem doctam ducere periculosissimum, saith Nevisanus, she will be too insolent and peevish, [5792]Malo Venusinam quam te Cornelia mater. Take heed; if she be a slut, thou wilt loathe her; if proud, she'll beggar thee, so [5793]she'll spend thy patrimony in baubles, all Arabia will not serve to perfume her hair, saith Lucian; if fair and wanton, she'll make thee a cornuto; if deformed, she will paint. [5794]If her face be filthy by nature, she will mend it by art, alienis et adscititiis imposturis, which who can endure? If she do not paint, she will look so filthy, thou canst not love her, and that peradventure will make thee dishonest. Cromerus lib. 12. hist., relates of Casimirus,[5795]that he was unchaste, because his wife Aleida, the daughter of Henry, Landgrave of Hesse, was so deformed. If she be poor, she brings beggary with her (saith Nevisanus), misery and discontent. If you marry a maid, it is uncertain how she proves, Haec forsan veniet non satis apta tibi. [5796]If young, she is likely wanton and untaught; if lusty, too lascivious; and if she be not satisfied, you know where and when, nil nisi jurgia, all is in an uproar, and there is little quietness to be had; If an old maid, 'tis a hazard she dies in childbed; if a [5797]rich widow, induces te in laqueum, thou dost halter thyself, she will make all away beforehand, to her other children, &c.—[5798]dominam quis possit ferre tonantem? she will hit thee still in the teeth with her first husband; if a young widow, she is often insatiable and immodest. If she be rich, well descended, bring a great dowry, or be nobly allied, thy wife's friends will eat thee out of house and home, dives ruinam aedibus inducit, she will be so proud, so high-minded, so imperious. For—nihil est magis intolerabile dite, there's nothing so intolerable, thou shalt be as the tassel of a goshawk, [5799]she will ride upon thee, domineer as she list, wear the breeches in her oligarchical government, and beggar thee besides. Uxores divites servitutem exigunt (as Seneca hits them, declam. lib. 2. declam. 6.)—Dotem accepi imperium perdidi. They will have sovereignty, pro conjuge dominam arcessis, they will have attendance, they will do what they list. [5800]In taking a dowry thou losest thy liberty, dos intrat, libertas exit, hazardest thine estate. Hae sunt atque aliae multae in magnis dotibus Incommoditates, sumptusque intolerabiles, &c.

with many such inconveniences: say the best, she is a commanding servant; thou hadst better have taken a good housewife maid in her smock. Since then there is such hazard, if thou be wise keep thyself as thou art, 'tis good to match, much better to be free. [5801]—procreare liberos lepidissimum. Hercle vero liberum esse, id multo est lepidius.

[5802]Art thou young? then match not yet; if old, match not at all. Vis juvenis nubere? nondum venit tempus. Ingravescente aetate jam tempus praeteriit.

And therefore, with that philosopher, still make answer to thy friends that importune thee to marry, adhuc intempestivum, 'tis yet unseasonable, and ever will be. Consider withal how free, how happy, how secure, how heavenly, in respect, a single man is, [5803]as he said in the comedy, Et isti quod fortunatum esse autumant, uxorem nunquam habui, and that which all my neighbours admire and applaud me for, account so great a happiness, I never had a wife; consider how contentedly, quietly, neatly, plentifully, sweetly, and how merrily he lives! he hath no man to care for but himself, none to please, no charge, none to control him, is tied to no residence, no cure to serve, may go and come, when, whither, live where he will, his own master, and do what he list himself. Consider the excellency of virgins, [5804] Virgo coelum meruit, marriage replenisheth the earth, but virginity Paradise; Elias, Eliseus, John Baptist, were bachelors: virginity is a precious jewel, a fair garland, a never-fading flower; [5805]for why was Daphne turned to a green bay-tree, but to show that virginity is immortal? [5806]Ut flos in septis secretus nascitur hortis, Ignotus pecori, nullo contusus aratro, Quam mulcent aurae, firmat sol, educat imber, &c. Sic virgo dum intacta manet, dum chara suis, sed Cum Castum amisit, &c.———

Virginity is a fine picture, as [5807]Bonaventure calls it, a blessed thing in itself, and if you will believe a Papist, meritorious. And although there be some inconveniences, irksomeness, solitariness, &c., incident to such persons, want of those comforts, quae, aegro assideat et curet aegrotum, fomentum paret, roget medicum, &c., embracing, dalliance, kissing, colling, &c., those furious motives and wanton pleasures a new-married wife most part enjoys; yet they are but toys in respect, easily to be endured, if conferred to those frequent encumbrances of marriage. Solitariness may be otherwise avoided with mirth, music, good company, business, employment; in a word, [5808]Gaudebit minus, et minus dolebit; for their good nights, he shall have good days. And methinks some time or other, amongst so many rich bachelors, a benefactor should be found to build a monastical college for old, decayed, deformed, or discontented maids to live together in, that have lost their first loves, or otherwise miscarried, or else are willing howsoever to lead a single life. The rest I say are toys in respect, and sufficiently recompensed by those innumerable contents and incomparable privileges of virginity. Think of these things, confer both lives, and consider last of all these commodious prerogatives a bachelor hath, how well he is esteemed, how heartily welcome to all his friends, quam mentitis obsequiis, as Tertullian observes, with what counterfeit courtesies they will adore him, follow him, present him with gifts, humatis donis; it cannot be believed (saith [5809]Ammianus) with what humble service he shall be worshipped, how loved and respected: If he want children, (and have means) he shall be often invited, attended on by princes, and have advocates to plead his cause for nothing, as [5810] Plutarch adds. Wilt thou then be reverenced, and had in estimation? [5811]———dominus tamen et domini rex Si tu vis fieri, nullus tibi parvulus aula. Luserit Aeneas, nec filia dulcior illa? Jucundum et charum sterilis facit uxor amicum.

Live a single man, marry not, and thou shalt soon perceive how those Haeredipetae (for so they were called of old) will seek after thee, bribe and flatter thee for thy favour, to be thine heir or executor: Aruntius and Aterius, those famous parasites in this kind, as Tacitus and [5812]Seneca have recorded, shall not go beyond them. Periplectomines, that good personate old man, delicium senis, well understood this in Plautus: for when Pleusides exhorted him to marry that he might have children of his own, he readily replied in this sort, Quando habeo multos cognatos, quid opus mihi sit liberis? Nunc bene vivo et fortunate, atque animo ut lubet. Mea bona mea morte cognatis dicam interpartiant. Illi apud me edunt, me curant, visunt quid agam, ecquid velim, Qui mihi mittunt munera, ad prandium, ad coenam vocant.

Whilst I have kin, what need I brats to have? Now I live well, and as I will, most brave. And when I die, my goods I'll give away To them that do invite me every day. That visit me, and send me pretty toys, And strive who shall do me most courtesies.

This respect thou shalt have in like manner, living as he did, a single man. But if thou marry once, [5813]cogitato in omni vita te servum fore, bethink thyself what a slavery it is, what a heavy burden thou shalt undertake, how hard a task thou art tied to, (for as Hierome hath it, qui uxorem habet, debitor est, et uxoris servus alligatus,) and how continuate, what squalor attends it, what irksomeness, what charges, for wife and children are a perpetual bill of charges; besides a myriad of cares, miseries, and troubles; for as that comical Plautus merrily and truly said, he that wants trouble, must get to be master of a ship, or marry a wife; and as another seconds him, wife and children have undone me; so many and such infinite encumbrances accompany this kind of life. Furthermore, uxor intumuit, &c., or as he said in the comedy, [5814]Duxi uxorem, quam ibi miseriam vidi, nati filii, alia cura. All gifts and invitations cease, no friend will esteem thee, and thou shalt be compelled to lament thy misery, and make thy moan with [5815]Bartholomeus Scheraeus, that famous poet laureate, and professor of Hebrew in Wittenberg: I had finished this work long since, but that inter alia dura et tristia quae misero mihi pene tergum fregerunt, (I use his own words) amongst many miseries which almost broke my back, _συζυγία ob Xantipismum_, a shrew to my wife tormented my mind above measure, and beyond the rest. So shalt thou be compelled to complain, and to cry out at last, with [5816]Phoroneus the lawyer, How happy had I been, if I had wanted a wife! If this which I have said will not suffice, see more in Lemnius lib. 4. cap. 13. de occult. nat. mir. Espencaeus de continentia, lib. 6. cap. 8. Kornman de virginitate, Platina in Amor. dial. Practica artis amandi, Barbarus de re uxoria, Arnisaeus in polit. cap. 3. and him that is instar omnium, Nevisanus the lawyer, Sylva nuptial, almost in every page.

SUBSECT. IV.—_Philters, Magical and Poetical Cures_.

Where persuasions and other remedies will not take place, many fly to unlawful means, philters, amulets, magic spells, ligatures, characters, charms, which as a wound with the spear of Achilles, if so made and caused, must so be cured. If forced by spells and philters, saith Paracelsus, it must be eased by characters, Mag. lib. 2. cap 28. and by incantations. Fernelius Path. lib. 6. cap. 13. [5817]Skenkius lib. 4. observ. med. hath some examples of such as have been so magically caused, and magically cured, and by witchcraft: so saith Baptista Codronchus, lib. 3. cap. 9. de mor. ven. Malleus malef. cap. 6. 'Tis not permitted to be done, I confess; yet often attempted: see more in Wierus lib. 3. cap. 18. de praestig. de remediis per philtra. Delrio tom. 2. lib. 2. quaest. 3. sect. 3. disquisit. magic. Cardan lib. 16. cap. 90. reckons up many magnetical medicines, as to piss through a ring, &c. Mizaldus cent. 3. 30, Baptista Porta, Jason Pratensis, Lobelius pag. 87, Matthiolus, &c., prescribe many absurd remedies. Radix mandragora ebibitae, Annuli ex ungulis Asini, Stercus amatae sub cervical positum, illa nesciente, &c., quum odorem foeditatis sentit, amor solvitur. Noctuae ocum abstemios facit comestum, ex consilio Jarthae Indorum gymnosophistae apud Philostratum lib. 3. Sanguis amasiae, ebibitus omnem amoris sensum tollit: Faustinam Marci Aurelii uxorem, gladiatoris amore captam, ita penitus consilio Chaldaeorum liberatam, refert Julius Capitolinus. Some of our astrologers will effect as much by characteristical images, ex sigillis Hermetis, Salomonis, Chaelis, &c. mulieris imago habentis crines sparsos, &c. Our old poets and fantastical writers have many fabulous remedies for such as are lovesick, as that of Protesilaus' tomb in Philostratus, in his dialogue between Phoenix and Vinitor: Vinitor, upon occasion discoursing of the rare virtues of that shrine, telleth him that Protesilaus' altar and tomb [5818]cures almost all manner of diseases, consumptions, dropsies, quartan-agues, sore eyes: and amongst the rest, such as are lovesick shall there be helped. But the most famous is [5819]Leucata Petra, that renowned rock in Greece, of which Strabo writes, Geog. lib. 10. not far from St. Maures, saith Sands, lib. 1. from which rock if any lover flung himself down headlong, he was instantly cured. Venus after the death of Adonis, when she could take no rest for love, [5820]Cum vesana suas torreret flamma medullas, came to the temple of Apollo to know what she should do to be eased of her pain: Apollo sent her to Leucata Petra, where she precipitated herself, and was forthwith freed; and when she would needs know of him a reason of it, he told her again, that he had often observed [5821]Jupiter, when he was enamoured on Juno, thither go to ease and wash himself, and after him divers others. Cephalus for the love of Protela, Degonetus' daughter, leaped down here, that Lesbian Sappho for Phaon, on whom she miserably doted. [5822]Cupidinis aestro percita e summo praeceps ruit, hoping thus to ease herself, and to be freed of her love pangs. [5823]Hic se Deucalion Pyrrhae suecensus amore Mersit, et illaeso corpore pressit aquas. Nec mora, fugit amor, &c.———

Hither Deucalion came, when Pyrrha's love Tormented him, and leapt down to the sea, And had no harm at all, but by and by His love was gone and chased quite away.

This medicine Jos. Scaliger speaks of, Ausoniarum lectionum lib. 18. Salmutz in Pancirol. de 7. mundi mirac. and other writers. Pliny reports, that amongst the Cyzeni, there is a well consecrated to Cupid, of which if any lover taste, his passion is mitigated: and Anthony Verdurius Imag. deorum de Cupid. saith, that amongst the ancients there was [5824]Amor Lethes, he took burning torches, and extinguished them in the river; his statute was to be seen in the temple of Venus Eleusina, of which Ovid makes mention, and saith that all lovers of old went thither on pilgrimage, that would be rid of their love-pangs. Pausanias, in [5825] Phocicis, writes of a temple dedicated Veneri in spelunca, to Venus in the vault, at Naupactus in Achaia (now Lepanto) in which your widows that would have second husbands, made their supplications to the goddess; all manner of suits concerning lovers were commenced, and their grievances helped. The same author, in Achaicis, tells as much of the river [5826] Senelus in Greece; if any lover washed himself in it, by a secret virtue of that water, (by reason of the extreme coldness belike) he was healed, of love's torments, [5827]Amoris vulnus idem qui sanat facit; which if it be so, that water, as he holds, is omni auro pretiosior, better than any gold. Where none of all these remedies will take place, I know no other but that all lovers must make a head and rebel, as they did in [5828]Ausonius, and crucify Cupid till he grant their request, or satisfy their desires.

SUBSECT. V.—_The last and best Cure of Love-Melancholy, is to let them have their Desire_.

The last refuge and surest remedy, to be put in practice in the utmost place, when no other means will take effect, is to let them go together, and enjoy one another: potissima cura est ut heros amasia sua potiatur, saith Guianerius, cap. 15. tract. 15. Aesculapius himself, to this malady, cannot invent a better remedy, quam ut amanti cedat amatum, [5829](Jason Pratensis) than that a lover have his desire. Et pariter torulo bini jungantur in uno, Et pulchro detur Aeneae Lavinia conjux.

And let them both be joined in a bed, And let Aeneas fair Lavinia wed;

'Tis the special cure, to let them bleed in vena Hymencaea, for love is a pleurisy, and if it be possible, so let it be,—optataque gaudia carpant. [5830]Arculanus holds it the speediest and the best cure, 'tis Savanarola's [5831]last precept, a principal infallible remedy, the last, sole, and safest refuge. [5832]Julia sola poles nostras extinguere flammas, Non nive, nun glacie, sed potes igne pari.

Julia alone can quench my desire, With neither ice nor snow, but with like fire.

When you have all done, saith [5833]Avicenna, there is no speedier or safer course, than to join the parties together according to their desires and wishes, the custom and form of law; and so we have seen him quickly restored to his former health, that was languished away to skin and bones; after his desire was satisfied, his discontent ceased, and we thought it strange; our opinion is therefore that in such cases nature is to be obeyed. Areteus, an old author, lib. 3. cap. 3. hath an instance of a young man, [5834]when no other means could prevail, was so speedily relieved. What remains then but to join them in marriage? [5835]Tunc et basia morsiunculasque Surreptim dare, mutuos fovere Amplexus licet, et licet jocari;

they may then kiss and coll, lie and look babies in one another's eyes, as heir sires before them did, they may then satiate themselves with love's pleasures, which they have so long wished and expected; Atque uno simul in toro quiescant, Conjuncto simul ore suavientur, Et somnos agitent quiete in una.

Yea, but hic labor, hoc opus, this cannot conveniently be done, by reason of many and several impediments. Sometimes both parties themselves are not agreed: parents, tutors, masters, guardians, will not give consent; laws, customs, statutes hinder: poverty, superstition, fear and suspicion: many men dote on one woman, semel et simul: she dotes as much on him, or them, and in modesty must not, cannot woo, as unwilling to confess as willing to love: she dare not make it known, show her affection, or speak her mind. And hard is the choice (as it is in Euphues) when one is compelled either by silence to die with grief, or by speaking to live with shame. In this case almost was the fair lady Elizabeth, Edward the Fourth his daughter, when she was enamoured on Henry the Seventh, that noble young prince, and new saluted king, when she broke forth into that passionate speech, [5836] O that I were worthy of that comely prince! but my father being dead, I want friends to motion such a matter! What shall I say? I am all alone, and dare not open my mind to any. What if I acquaint my mother with it? bashfulness forbids. What if some of the lords? audacity wants. O that I might but confer with him, perhaps in discourse I might let slip such a word that might discover mine intention! How many modest maids may this concern, I am a poor servant, what shall I do? I am a fatherless child, and want means, I am blithe and buxom, young and lusty, but I have never a suitor, Expectant stolidi ut ego illos rogatum veniam, as [5837]she said, A company of silly fellows look belike that I should woo them and speak first: fain they would and cannot woo,—[5838]quae primum exordia sumam? being merely passive they may not make suit, with many such lets and inconveniences, which I know not; what shall we do in such a case? sing Fortune my foe?——— Some are so curious in this behalf, as those old Romans, our modern Venetians, Dutch and French, that if two parties clearly love, the one noble, the other ignoble, they may not by their laws match, though equal otherwise in years, fortunes, education, and all good affection. In Germany, except they can prove their gentility by three descents, they scorn to match with them. A nobleman must marry a noblewoman: a baron, a baron's daughter; a knight, a knight's; a gentleman, a gentleman's: as slaters sort their slates, do they degrees and families. If she be never so rich, fair, well qualified otherwise, they will make him forsake her. The Spaniards abhor all widows; the Turks repute them old women, if past five-and-twenty. But these are too severe laws, and strict customs, dandum aliquid amori, we are all the sons of Adam, 'tis opposite to nature, it ought not to be so. Again: he loves her most impotently, she loves not him, and so e contra. [5839]Pan loved Echo, Echo Satyrus, Satyrus Lyda. Quantum ipsorum aliquis amantem oderat, Tantum ipsius amans odiosus erat.

They love and loathe of all sorts, he loves her, she hates him; and is loathed of him, on whom she dotes. Cupid hath two darts, one to force love, all of gold, and that sharp,—[5840]Quod facit auratum est; another blunt, of lead, and that to hinder;—fugat hoc, facit illud amorem, this dispels, that creates love. This we see too often verified in our common experience. [5841]Choresus dearly loved that virgin Callyrrhoe; but the more he loved her, the more she hated him. Oenone loved Paris, but he rejected her: they are stiff of all sides, as if beauty were therefore created to undo, or be undone. I give her all attendance, all observance, I pray and intreat, [5842]Alma precor miserere mei, fair mistress pity me, I spend myself, my time, friends and fortunes, to win her favour, (as he complains in the [5843]Eclogue,) I lament, sigh, weep, and make my moan to her, but she is hard as flint,—cautibus Ismariis immotior—as fair and hard as a diamond, she will not respect, Despectus tibi sum, or hear me, [5844]———fugit illa vocantem Nil lachrymas miserata meas, nil flexa querelis.

What shall I do? I wooed her as a young man should do, But sir, she said, I love not you.

[5845]Durior at scopulis mea Coelia, marmore, ferro, Robore, rupe, antro, cornu, adamante, gelu.

Rock, marble, heart of oak with iron barr'd, Frost, flint or adamants, are not so hard.

I give, I bribe, I send presents, but they are refused. [5846]Rusticus est Coridon, nec munera curat Alexis. I protest, I swear, I weep, [5847] ———odioque rependit amores, Irrisu lachrymas———

She neglects me for all this, she derides me, contemns me, she hates me, Phillida flouts me: Caute, feris, quercu durior Eurydice, stiff, churlish, rocky still. And 'tis most true, many gentlewomen are so nice, they scorn all suitors, crucify their poor paramours, and think nobody good enough for them, as dainty to please as Daphne herself. [5848]Multi illum petiere, illa aspernate petentes, Nec quid Hymen, quid amor, quid sint connubia curat.

Many did woo her, but she scorn'd them still, And said she would not marry by her will.

One while they will not marry, as they say at least, (when as they intend nothing less) another while not yet, when 'tis their only desire, they rave upon it. She will marry at last, but not him: he is a proper man indeed, and well qualified, but he wants means: another of her suitors hath good means, but he wants wit; one is too old, another too young, too deformed, she likes not his carriage: a third too loosely given, he is rich, but base born: she will be a gentlewoman, a lady, as her sister is, as her mother is: she is all out as fair, as well brought up, hath as good a portion, and she looks for as good a match, as Matilda or Dorinda: if not, she is resolved as yet to tarry, so apt are young maids to boggle at every object, so soon won or lost with every toy, so quickly diverted, so hard to be pleased. In the meantime, quot torsit amantes? one suitor pines away, languisheth in love, mori quot denique cogit! another sighs and grieves, she cares not: and which [5849]Siroza objected to Ariadne,

Nec magis Euryali gemitu, lacrymisque moveris, Quam prece turbati flectitur ora sati.

Tu juvenem, quo non formosior alter in urbe, Spernis, et insano cogis amore mori.

Is no more mov'd with those sad sighs and tears, Of her sweetheart, than raging sea with prayers: Thou scorn'st the fairest youth in all our city, And mak'st him almost mad for love to die:

They take a pride to prank up themselves, to make young men. enamoured,— [5850]captare viros et spernere capias, to dote on them, and to run mad for their sakes, [5851]———sed nullis illa movetur Fletibus, aut voces ullas tractabilis audit.

Whilst niggardly their favours they discover, They love to be belov'd, yet scorn the lover.

All suit and service is too little for them, presents too base: Tormentis gaudet amantis—et spoliis. As Atalanta they must be overrun, or not won. Many young men are as obstinate, and as curious in their choice, as tyrannically proud, insulting, deceitful, false-hearted, as irrefragable and peevish on the other side; Narcissus-like, [5852]Multi illum juvenes, multae petiere puellae, Sed fuit in tenera tam dira superbia forma, Nulli illum juvenes, nullas petiere puellae.

Young men and maids did to him sue, But in his youth, so proud, so coy was he, Young men and maids bade him adieu.

Echo wept and wooed him by all means above the rest, Love me for pity, or pity me for love, but he was obstinate, Ante ait emoriar quam sit tibi copia nostri, he would rather die than give consent. Psyche ran whining after Cupid, [5853]Formosum tua te Psyche formosa requirit, Et poscit te dia deum, puerumque puella;

Fair Cupid, thy fair Psyche to thee sues, A lovely lass a fine young gallant woos;

but he rejected her nevertheless. Thus many lovers do hold out so long, doting on themselves, stand in their own light, till in the end they come to be scorned and rejected, as Stroza's Gargiliana was, Te juvenes, te odere senes, desertaque langues, Quae fueras procerum publica cura prius.

Both young and old do hate thee scorned now, That once was all their joy and comfort too.

As Narcissus was himself, ———Who despising many. Died ere he could enjoy the love of any.

They begin to be contemned themselves of others, as he was of his shadow, and take up with a poor curate, or an old serving-man at last, that might have had their choice of right good matches in their youth; like that generous mare, in [5854]Plutarch, which would admit of none but great horses, but when her tail was cut off and mane shorn close, and she now saw herself so deformed in the water, when she came to drink, ab asino conscendi se passa, she was contented at last to be covered by an ass. Yet this is a common humour, will not be left, and cannot be helped. [5855]Hanc volo quae non vult, illam quae vult ego nolo: Vincere vult animos, non satiare Venus.

I love a maid, she loves me not: full fain She would have me, but I not her again; So love to crucify men's souls is bent: But seldom doth it please or give consent.

Their love danceth in a ring, and Cupid hunts them round about; he dotes, is doted on again. Dumque petit petitur, pariterque accedit et ardet, their affection cannot be reconciled. Oftentimes they may and will not, 'tis their own foolish proceedings that mars all, they are too distrustful of themselves, too soon dejected: say she be rich, thou poor: she young, thou old; she lovely and fair, thou most ill-favoured and deformed; she noble, thou base: she spruce and fine, but thou an ugly clown: nil desperandum, there's hope enough yet: Mopso Nisa datur, quid non speremus amantes? Put thyself forward once more, as unlikely matches have been and are daily made, see what will be the event. Many leave roses and gather thistles, loathe honey and love verjuice: our likings are as various as our palates. But commonly they omit opportunities, oscula qui sumpsit, &c., they neglect the usual means and times. He that will not when he may, When he will he shall have nay.

They look to be wooed, sought after, and sued to. Most part they will and cannot, either for the above-named reasons, or for that there is a multitude of suitors equally enamoured, doting all alike; and where one alone must speed, what shall become of the rest? Hero was beloved of many, but one did enjoy her; Penelope had a company of suitors, yet all missed of their aim. In such cases he or they must wisely and warily unwind themselves, unsettle his affections by those rules above prescribed,— [5856]quin stultos excutit ignes, divert his cogitations, or else bravely bear it out, as Turnus did, Tua sit Lavinia conjux, when he could not get her, with a kind of heroical scorn he bid Aeneas take her, or with a milder farewell, let her go. Et Phillida solus habeto, Take her to you, God give you joy, sir. The fox in the emblem would eat no grapes, but why? because he could not get them; care not then for that which may not be had. Many such inconveniences, lets, and hindrances there are, which cross their projects and crucify poor lovers, which sometimes may, sometimes again cannot be so easily removed. But put case they be reconciled all, agreed hitherto, suppose this love or good liking be between two alone, both parties well pleased, there is mutuus amor, mutual love and great affection; yet their parents, guardians, tutors, cannot agree, thence all is dashed, the match is unequal: one rich, another poor: durus pater, a hard-hearted, unnatural, a covetous father will not marry his son, except he have so much money, ita in aurum omnes insaniunt, as [5857]Chrysostom notes, nor join his daughter in marriage, to save her dowry, or for that he cannot spare her for the service she doth him, and is resolved to part with nothing whilst he lives, not a penny, though he may peradventure well give it, he will not till he dies, and then as a pot of money broke, it is divided amongst them that gaped after it so earnestly. Or else he wants means to set her out, he hath no money, and though it be to the manifest prejudice of her body and soul's health, he cares not, he will take no notice of it, she must and shall tarry. Many slack and careless parents, iniqui patres, measure their children's affections by their own, they are now cold and decrepit themselves, past all such youthful conceits, and they will therefore starve their children's genus, have them a pueris [5858] illico nasci senes, they must not marry, nec earum affines esse rerum quas secum fert adolescentia: ex sua libidine moderatur quae est nunc, non quae olim fuit: as he said in the comedy: they will stifle nature, their young bloods must not participate of youthful pleasures, but be as they are themselves old on a sudden. And 'tis a general fault amongst most parents in bestowing of their children, the father wholly respects wealth, when through his folly, riot, indiscretion, he hath embezzled his estate, to recover himself, he confines and prostitutes his eldest son's love and affection to some fool, or ancient, or deformed piece for money. [5859]Phanaretae ducet filiam, rufam, illam virginem, Caesiam, sparso ore, adunco naso———

and though his son utterly dislike, with Clitipho in the comedy, Non possum pater: If she be rich, Eia (he replies) ut elegans est, credas animum ibi esse? he must and shall have her, she is fair enough, young enough, if he look or hope to inherit his lands, he shall marry, not when or whom he loves, Arconidis hujus filiam, but whom his father commands, when and where he likes, his affection must dance attendance upon him. His daughter is in the same predicament forsooth, as an empty boat, she must carry what, where, when, and whom her father will. So that in these businesses the father is still for the best advantage; now the mother respects good kindred, must part the son a proper woman. All which [5860] Livy exemplifies, dec. 1. lib. 4. a gentleman and a yeoman wooed a wench in Rome (contrary to that statute that the gentry and commonalty must not match together); the matter was controverted: the gentleman was preferred by the mother's voice, quae quam splendissimis nuptiis jungi puellam volebat: the overseers stood for him that was most worth, &c. But parents ought not to be so strict in this behalf, beauty is a dowry of itself all sufficient, [5861]Virgo formosa, etsi oppido pauper, abunde dotata est, [5862]Rachel was so married to Jacob, and Bonaventure, [5863]in 4. sent, denies that he so much as venially sins, that marries a maid for comeliness of person. The Jews, Deut. xxi. 11, if they saw amongst the captives a beautiful woman, some small circumstances observed, might take her to wife. They should not be too severe in that kind, especially if there be no such urgent occasion, or grievous impediment. 'Tis good for a commonwealth. [5864]Plato holds, that in their contracts young men should never avoid the affinity of poor folks, or seek after rich. Poverty and base parentage may be sufficiently recompensed by many other good qualities, modesty, virtue, religion, and choice bringing up, [5865]I am poor, I confess, but am I therefore contemptible, and an abject? Love itself is naked, the graces; the stars, and Hercules clad in a lion's skin. Give something to virtue, love, wisdom, favour, beauty, person; be not all for money. Besides, you must consider that Amor cogi non potest, love cannot be compelled, they must affect as they may: [5866]Fatum est in partibus illis quas sinus abscondit, as the saying is, marriage and hanging goes by destiny, matches are made in heaven. It lies not in our power to love or hate, For will in us is overrul'd by fate.

A servant maid in [5867]Aristaenetus loved her mistress's minion, which when her dame perceived, furiosa aemulatione in a jealous humour she dragged her about the house by the hair of the head, and vexed her sore. The wench cried out, [5868]O mistress, fortune hath made my body your servant, but not my soul! Affections are free, not to be commanded. Moreover it may be to restrain their ambition, pride, and covetousness, to correct those hereditary diseases of a family, God in his just judgment assigns and permits such matches to be made. For I am of Plato and [5869] Bodine's mind, that families have their bounds and periods as well as kingdoms, beyond which for extent or continuance they shall not exceed, six or seven hundred years, as they there illustrate by a multitude of examples, and which Peucer and [5870]Melancthon approve, but in a perpetual tenor (as we see by many pedigrees of knights, gentlemen, yeomen) continue as they began, for many descents with little alteration. Howsoever let them, I say, give something to youth, to love; they must not think they can fancy whom they appoint; [5871]Amor enim non imperatur, affectus liber si quis alius et vices exigens, this is a free passion, as Pliny said in a panegyric of his, and may not be forced: Love craves liking, as the saying is, it requires mutual affections, a correspondency: invito non datur nec aufertur, it may not be learned, Ovid himself cannot teach us how to love, Solomon describe, Apelles paint, or Helen express it. They must not therefore compel or intrude; [5872]quis enim (as Fabius urgeth) amare alieno animo potest? but consider withal the miseries of enforced marriages; take pity upon youth: and such above the rest as have daughters to bestow, should be very careful and provident to marry them in due time. Siracides cap. 7. vers. 25. calls it a weighty matter to perform, so to marry a daughter to a man of understanding in due time: Virgines enim tempestive locandae, as [5873]Lemnius admonisheth, lib. 1. cap. 6. Virgins must be provided for in season, to prevent many diseases, of which [5874]Rodericus a Castro de morbis mulierum, lib. 2. cap. 3. and Lod. Mercatus lib. 2. de mulier. affect, cap. 4, de melanch. virginum et viduarum, have both largely discoursed. And therefore as well to avoid these feral maladies, 'tis good to get them husbands betimes, as to prevent some other gross inconveniences, and for a thing that I know besides; ubi nuptiarum tempus et aetas advenerit, as Chrysostom adviseth, let them not defer it; they perchance will marry themselves else, or do worse. If Nevisanus the lawyer do not impose, they may do it by right: for as he proves out of Curtius, and some other civilians, Sylvae, nup. lib. 2. numer. 30. [5875]A maid past twenty-five years of age, against her parents' consent may marry such a one as is unworthy of, and inferior to her, and her father by law must be compelled to give her a competent dowry. Mistake me not in the mean time, or think that I do apologise here for any headstrong, unruly, wanton flirts. I do approve that of St. Ambrose (Comment. in Genesis xxiv. 51), which he hath written touching Rebecca's spousals, A woman should give unto her parents the choice of her husband, [5876]lest she be reputed to be malapert and wanton, if she take upon her to make her own choice; [5877]for she should rather seem to be desired by a man, than to desire a man herself. To those hard parents alone I retort that of Curtius, (in the behalf of modester maids), that are too remiss and careless of their due time and riper years. For if they tarry longer, to say truth, they are past date, and nobody will respect them. A woman with us in Italy (saith [5878]Aretine's Lucretia) twenty-four years of age, is old already, past the best, of no account. An old fellow, as Lycistrata confesseth in [5879]Aristophanes, etsi sit canus, cito puellam virginem ducat uxorem, and 'tis no news for an old fellow to marry a young wench: but as he follows it, mulieris brevis occasio est, etsi hoc non apprehenderit, nemo vult ducere uxorem, expectans vero sedet; who cares for an old maid? she may set, &c. A virgin, as the poet holds, lasciva et petulans puella virgo, is like a flower, a rose withered on a sudden. [5880]Quam modo nascentem rutilus conspexit Eous, Hanc rediens sero vespere vidit anum.

She that was erst a maid as fresh as May, Is now an old crone, time so steals away.

Let them take time then while they may, make advantage of youth, and as he prescribes, [5881]Collige virgo rosas dum flos novus et nova pubes, Et memor esto aevum sic properare tuum.

Fair maids, go gather roses in the prime, And think that as a flower so goes on time.

Let's all love, dum vires annique sinunt, while we are in the flower of years, fit for love matters, and while time serves: for [5882]Soles occidere et redire possunt, Nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux, Nox est perpetuo una dormienda.

[5883]Suns that set may rise again, But if once we loss this light, 'Tis with us perpetual night.

Volat irrevocabile tempus, time past cannot be recalled. But we need no such exhortation, we are all commonly too forward: yet if there be any escape, and all be not as it should, as Diogenes struck the father when the son swore, because he taught him no better, if a maid or young man miscarry, I think their parents oftentimes, guardians, overseers, governors, neque vos (saith [5884]Chrysostom) a supplicio immunes evadetis, si non statim ad nuptias, &c. are in as much fault, and as severely to be punished as their children, in providing for them no sooner. Now for such as have free liberty to bestow themselves, I could wish that good counsel of the comical old man were put in practice, [5885]Opulentiores pauperiorum ut filias Indotas dicant uxores domum: Et multo fiet civitas concordior, Et invidia nos minore utemur, quam utimur.

That rich men would marry poor maidens some, And that without dowry, and so bring them home, So would much concord be in our city, Less envy should we have, much more pity.

If they would care less for wealth, we should have much more content and quietness in a commonwealth. Beauty, good bringing up, methinks, is a sufficient portion of itself, [5886]Dos est sua forma puellis, her beauty is a maiden's dower, and he doth well that will accept of such a wife. Eubulides, in [5887]Aristaenetus, married a poor man's child, facie non illaetabili, of a merry countenance, and heavenly visage, in pity of her estate, and that quickly. Acontius coming to Delos, to sacrifice to Diana, fell in love with Cydippe, a noble lass, and wanting means to get her love, flung a golden apple into her lap, with this inscription upon it, Juro tibi sane per mystica sacra Dianae, Me tibi venturum comitem, sponsumque futurum.

I swear by all the rites of Diana, I'll come and be thy husband if I may.

She considered of it, and upon some small inquiry of his person and estate, was married unto him. Blessed is the wooing, That is not long a doing.

As the saying is; when the parties are sufficiently known to each other, what needs such scrupulosity, so many circumstances? dost thou know her conditions, her bringing-up, like her person? let her means be what they will, take her without any more ado. [5888]Dido and Aeneas were accidentally driven by a storm both into one cave, they made a match upon it; Massinissa was married to that fair captive Sophonisba, King Syphax' wife, the same day that he saw her first, to prevent Scipio Laelius, lest they should determine otherwise of her. If thou lovest the party, do as much: good education and beauty is a competent dowry, stand not upon money. Erant olim aurei homines (saith Theocritus) et adamantes redamabant, in the golden world men did so, (in the reign of [5889]Ogyges belike, before staggering Ninus began to domineer) if all be true that is reported: and some few nowadays will do as much, here and there one; 'tis well done methinks, and all happiness befall them for so doing. [5890]Leontius, a philosopher of Athens, had a fair daughter called Athenais, multo corporis lepore ac Venere, (saith mine author) of a comely carriage, he gave her no portion but her bringing up, occulto formae, praesagio, out of some secret foreknowledge of her fortune, bestowing that little which he had amongst his other children. But she, thus qualified, was preferred by some friends to Constantinople, to serve Pulcheria, the emperor's sister, of whom she was baptised and called Eudocia. Theodosius, the emperor, in short space took notice of her excellent beauty and good parts, and a little after, upon his sister's sole commendation, made her his wife: 'twas nobly done of Theodosius. [5891]Rudophe was the fairest lady in her days in all Egypt; she went to wash her, and by chance, (her maids meanwhile looking but carelessly to her clothes) an eagle stole away one of her shoes, and laid it in Psammeticus the King of Egypt's lap at Memphis: he wondered at the excellency of the shoe and pretty foot, but more Aquilae, factum, at the manner of the bringing of it: and caused forthwith proclamation to be made, that she that owned that shoe should come presently to his court; the virgin came, and was forthwith married to the king. I say this was heroically done, and like a prince: I commend him for it, and all such as have means, that will either do (as he did) themselves, or so for love, &c., marry their children. If he be rich, let him take such a one as wants, if she be virtuously given; for as Siracides, cap. 7. ver. 19. adviseth, Forego not a wife and good woman; for her grace is above gold. If she have fortunes of her own, let her make a man. Danaus of Lacedaemon had a many daughters to bestow, and means enough for them all, he never stood inquiring after great matches, as others used to do, but [5892]sent for a company of brave young gallants to his house, and bid his daughters choose every one one, whom she liked best, and take him for her husband, without any more ado. This act of his was much approved in those times. But in this iron age of ours, we respect riches alone, (for a maid must buy her husband now with a great dowry, if she will have him) covetousness and filthy lucre mars all good matches, or some such by-respects. Crales, a Servian prince (as Nicephorus Gregoras Rom. hist. lib. 6. relates it,) was an earnest suitor to Eudocia, the emperor's sister; though her brother much desired it, yet she could not [5893]abide him, for he had three former wives, all basely abused; but the emperor still, Cralis amicitiam magni faciens, because he was a great prince, and a troublesome neighbour, much desired his affinity, and to that end betrothed his own daughter Simonida to him, a little girl five years of age (he being forty-five,) and five [5894]years older than the emperor himself: such disproportionable and unlikely matches can wealth and a fair fortune make. And yet not that alone, it is not only money, but sometimes vainglory, pride, ambition, do as much harm as wretched covetousness itself in another extreme. If a yeoman have one sole daughter, he must overmatch her, above her birth and calling, to a gentleman forsooth, because of her great portion, too good for one of her own rank, as he supposeth: a gentleman's daughter and heir must be married to a knight baronet's eldest son at least; and a knight's only daughter to a baron himself, or an earl, and so upwards, her great dower deserves it. And thus striving for more honour to their wealth, they undo their children, many discontents follow, and oftentimes they ruinate their families. [5895]Paulus Jovius gives instance in Galeatius the Second, that heroical Duke of Milan, externas affinitates, decoras quidem regio fastu, sed sibi et posteris damnosas et fere exitiales quaesivit; he married his eldest son John Galeatius to Isabella the King of France his sister, but she was socero tam gravis, ut ducentis millibus aureorum constiterit, her entertainment at Milan was so costly that it almost undid him. His daughter Violanta was married to Lionel Duke of Clarence, the youngest son to Edward the Third, King of England, but, ad ejus adventum tantae opes tam admirabili liberalitate profusae sunt, ut opulentissimorum regum splendorem superasse videretur, he was welcomed with such incredible magnificence, that a king's purse was scarce able to bear it; for besides many rich presents of horses, arms, plate, money, jewels, &c., he made one dinner for him and his company, in which were thirty-two messes and as much provision left, ut relatae a mensa dapes decem millibus hominum sufficerent, as would serve ten thousand men: but a little after Lionel died, novae nuptae et intempestivis conviviis operam dans, &c., and to the duke's great loss, the solemnity was ended. So can titles, honours, ambition, make many brave, but unfortunate matches of all sides for by-respects, (though both crazed in body and mind, most unwilling, averse, and often unfit,) so love is banished, and we feel the smart of it in the end. But I am too lavish peradventure in this subject. Another let or hindrance is strict and severe discipline, laws and rigorous customs, that forbid men to marry at set times, and in some places; as apprentices, servants, collegiates, states of lives in copyholds, or in some base inferior offices, [5896]Velle licet in such cases, potiri non licet, as he said. They see but as prisoners through a grate, they covet and catch, but Tantalus a labris, &c. Their love is lost, and vain it is in such an estate to attempt. [5897]Gravissimum est adamare nec potiri, 'tis a grievous thing to love and not enjoy. They may, indeed, I deny not, marry if they will, and have free choice, some of them; but in the meantime their case is desperate, Lupum auribus tenent, they hold a wolf by the ears, they must either burn or starve. 'Tis cornutum sophisma, hard to resolve, if they marry they forfeit their estates, they are undone, and starve themselves through beggary and want: if they do not marry, in this heroical passion they furiously rage, are tormented, and torn in pieces by their predominate affections. Every man hath not the gift of continence, let him [5898]pray for it then, as Beza adviseth in his Tract de Divortiis, because God hath so called him to a single life, in taking away the means of marriage. [5899]Paul would have gone from Mysia to Bithynia, but the spirit suffered him not, and thou wouldst peradventure be a married man with all thy will, but that protecting angel holds it not fit. The devil too sometimes may divert by his ill suggestions, and mar many good matches, as the same [5900]Paul was willing to see the Romans, but hindered of Satan he could not. There be those that think they are necessitated by fate, their stars have so decreed, and therefore they grumble at their hard fortune, they are well inclined to marry, but one rub or other is ever in the way; I know what astrologers say in this behalf, what Ptolemy quadripartit. Tract. 4. cap. 4. Skoner lib. 1. cap. 12. what Leovitius genitur. exempl. 1. which Sextus ab Heminga takes to be the horoscope of Hieronymus Wolfius, what Pezelius, Origanaus and Leovitius his illustrator Garceus, cap. 12. what Junctine, Protanus, Campanella, what the rest, (to omit those Arabian conjectures a parte conjugii, a parte lasciviae, triplicitates veneris, &c., and those resolutions upon a question, an amica potiatur, &c.) determine in this behalf, viz. an sit natus conjugem habiturus, facile an difficulter sit sponsam impetraturus, quot conjuges, quo tempore, quales decernantur nato uxores, de mutuo amore conjugem, both in men's and women's genitures, by the examination of the seventh house the almutens, lords and planets there, a ☉d et ☾a &c., by particular aphorisms, Si dominus 7mae in 7ma vel secunda nobilem decernit uxorem, servam aut ignobilem si duodecima. Si Venus in 12ma, &c., with many such, too tedious to relate. Yet let no man be troubled, or find himself grieved with such predictions, as Hier. Wolfius well saith in his astrological [5901]dialogue, non sunt praetoriana decreta, they be but conjectures, the stars incline, but not enforce, [5902]Sidera corporibus praesunt caelestia nostris, Sunt ea de vili condita namque luto: Cogere sed nequeunt animum ratione fruentem, Quippe sub imperio solius ipse dei est.