Chapter X (46)

And how should it otherwise be? old age is a disease of itself, loathsome, full of suspicion and fear; when it is at best, unable, unfit for such matters. [6042]Tam apta nuptiis quam bruma messibus, as welcome to a young woman as snow in harvest, saith Nevisanus: Et si capis juvenculam, faciet tibi cornua: marry a lusty maid and she will surely graft horns on thy head. [6043]All women are slippery, often unfaithful to their husbands (as Aeneas Sylvius epist. 38. seconds him), but to old men most treacherous: they had rather mortem amplexarier, lie with a corse than such a one: [6044]Oderunt illum pueri, contemnunt mulieres. On the other side many men, saith Hieronymus, are suspicious of their wives, [6045]if they be lightly given, but old folks above the rest. Insomuch that she did not complain without a cause in [6046]Apuleius, of an old bald bedridden knave she had to her good man: Poor woman as I am, what shall I do? I have an old grim sire to my husband, as bald as a coot, as little and as unable as a child, a bedful of bones, he keeps all the doors barred and locked upon me, woe is me, what shall I do? He was jealous, and she made him a cuckold for keeping her up: suspicion without a cause, hard usage is able of itself to make a woman fly out, that was otherwise honest, [6047]———plerasque bonas tractatio pravas Esse facit,———

bad usage aggravates the matter. Nam quando mulieres cognoscunt maritum hoc advertere, licentius peccant, [6048]as Nevisanus holds, when a woman thinks her husband watcheth her, she will sooner offend; [6049]Liberius peccant, et pudor omnis abest, rough handling makes them worse: as the goodwife of Bath in Chaucer brags, In his own grease I made him frie For anger and for every jealousie.

Of two extremes, this of hard usage is the worst. 'Tis a great fault (for some men are uxorii) to be too fond of their wives, to dote on them as [6050]Senior Deliro on his Fallace, to be too effeminate, or as some do, to be sick for their wives, breed children for them, and like the [6051] Tiberini lie in for them, as some birds hatch eggs by turns, they do all women's offices: Caelius Rhodiginus ant. lect. Lib. 6. cap. 24. makes mention of a fellow out of Seneca, [6052]that was so besotted on his wife, he could not endure a moment out of her company, he wore her scarf when he went abroad next his heart, and would never drink but in that cup she began first. We have many such fondlings that are their wives' packhorses and slaves, (nam grave malum uxor superans virum suum, as the comical poet hath it, there's no greater misery to a man than to let his wife domineer) to carry her muff, dog, and fan, let her wear the breeches, lay out, spend, and do what she will, go and come whither, when she will, they give consent. Here, take my muff, and, do you hear, good man; Now give me pearl, and carry you my fan, &c.

[6053]———poscit pallam, redimicula, inaures; Curre, quid hic cessas? vulgo vult illa videri, Tu pete lecticas———

many brave and worthy men have trespassed in this kind, multos foras claros domestica haec destruxit infamia, and many noble senators and soldiers (as [6054]Pliny notes) have lost their honour, in being uxorii, so sottishly overruled by their wives; and therefore Cato in Plutarch made a bitter jest on his fellow-citizens, the Romans, we govern all the world abroad, and our wives at home rule us. These offend in one extreme; but too hard and too severe, are far more offensive on the other. As just a cause may be long absence of either party, when they must of necessity be much from home, as lawyers, physicians, mariners, by their professions; or otherwise make frivolous, impertinent journeys, tarry long abroad to no purpose, lie out, and are gadding still, upon small occasions, it must needs yield matter of suspicion, when they use their wives unkindly in the meantime, and never tarry at home, it cannot use but engender some such conceit. [6055]Uxor si cessas amare te cogitat Aut tote amari, aut potare, aut animo obsequi, Ex tibi bene esse soli, quum sibi sit male.

If thou be absent long, thy wife then thinks, Th' art drunk, at ease, or with some pretty minx, 'Tis well with thee, or else beloved of some, Whilst she poor soul doth fare full ill at home.

Hippocrates, the physician, had a smack of this disease; for when he was to go home as far as Abdera, and some other remote cities of Greece, he writ to his friend Dionysius (if at least those [6056]Epistles be his) [6057] to oversee his wife in his absence, (as Apollo set a raven to watch his Coronis) although she lived in his house with her father and mother, who be knew would have a care of her; yet that would not satisfy his jealousy, he would have his special friend Dionysius to dwell in his house with her all the time of his peregrination, and to observe her behaviour, how she carried herself in her husband's absence, and that she did not lust after other men. [6058]For a woman had need to have an overseer to keep her honest; they are bad by nature, and lightly given all, and if they be not curbed in time, as an unpruned tree, they will be full of wild branches, and degenerate of a sudden. Especially in their husband's absence: though one Lucretia were trusty, and one Penelope, yet Clytemnestra made Agamemnon cuckold; and no question there be too many of her conditions. If their husbands tarry too long abroad upon unnecessary business, well they may suspect: or if they run one way, their wives at home will fly out another, quid pro quo. Or if present, and give them not that content which they ought, [6059]Primum ingratae, mox invisae noctes quae per somnum transiguntur, they cannot endure to lie alone, or to fast long. [6060] Peter Godefridus, in his second book of Love, and sixth chapter, hath a story out of St. Anthony's life, of a gentleman, who, by that good man's advice, would not meddle with his wife in the passion week, but for his pains she set a pair of horns on his head. Such another he hath out of Abstemius, one persuaded a new married man, [6061]to forbear the three first nights, and he should all his lifetime after be fortunate in cattle, but his impatient wife would not tarry so long: well he might speed in cattle, but not in children. Such a tale hath Heinsius of an impotent and slack scholar, a mere student, and a friend of his, that seeing by chance a fine damsel sing and dance, would needs marry her, the match was soon made, for he was young and rich, genis gratus, corpore glabellus, arte multiscius, et fortuna opulentus, like that Apollo in [6062]Apuleius. The first night, having liberally taken his liquor (as in that country they do) my fine scholar was so fuzzled, that he no sooner was laid in bed, but he fell fast asleep, never waked till morning, and then much abashed, purpureis formosa rosis cum Aurora ruberet; when the fair morn with purple hue 'gan shine, he made an excuse, I know not what, out of Hippocrates Cous, &c., and for that time it went current: but when as afterward he did not play the man as he should do, she fell in league with a good fellow, and whilst he sat up late at his study about those criticisms, mending some hard places in Festus or Pollux, came cold to bed, and would tell her still what he had done, she did not much regard what he said, &c. [6063]She would have another matter mended much rather, which he did not conceive was corrupt: thus he continued at his study late, she at her sport, alibi enim festivas noctes agitabat, hating all scholars for his sake, till at length he began to suspect, and turned a little yellow, as well he might; for it was his own fault; and if men be jealous in such cases ([6064]as oft it falls out) the mends is in their own hands, they must thank themselves. Who will pity them, saith Neander, or be much offended with such wives, si deceptae prius viros decipiant, et cornutos reddant, if they deceive those that cozened them first. A lawyer's wife in [6065]Aristaenetus, because her husband was negligent in his business, quando lecto danda opera, threatened to cornute him: and did not stick to tell Philinna, one of her gossips, as much, and that aloud for him to hear: If he follow other men's matters and leave his own, I'll have an orator shall plead my cause, I care not if he know it. A fourth eminent cause of jealousy may be this, when he that is deformed, and as Pindarus of Vulcan, sine gratiis natus, hirsute, ragged, yet virtuously given, will marry some fair nice piece, or light housewife, begins to misdoubt (as well he may) she doth not affect him. [6066]Lis est cum forma magna pudicitiae, beauty and honesty have ever been at odds. Abraham was jealous of his wife because she was fair: so was Vulcan of his Venus, when he made her creaking shoes, saith [6067]Philostratus, ne maecharetur, sandalio scilicet deferente, that he might hear by them when she stirred, which Mars indigne ferre, [6068]was not well pleased with. Good cause had Vulcan to do as he did, for she was no honester than she should be. Your fine faces have commonly this fault; and it is hard to find, saith Francis Philelphus in an epistle to Saxola his friend, a rich man honest, a proper woman not proud or unchaste. Can she be fair and honest too? [6069]Saepe etenim oculuit picta sese hydra sub herba, Sub specie formae, incauto se saepe marito Nequam animus vendit,———

He that marries a wife that is snowy fair alone, let him look, saith [6070] Barbarus, for no better success than Vulcan had with Venus, or Claudius with Messalina. And 'tis impossible almost in such cases the wife should contain, or the good man not be jealous: for when he is so defective, weak, ill-proportioned, unpleasing in those parts which women most affect, and she most absolutely fair and able on the other side, if she be not very virtuously given, how can she love him? and although she be not fair, yet if he admire her and think her so, in his conceit she is absolute, he holds it impossible for any man living not to dote as he doth, to look on her and not lust, not to covet, and if he be in company with her, not to lay siege to her honesty: or else out of a deep apprehension of his infirmities, deformities, and other men's good parts, out of his own little worth and desert, he distrusts himself, (for what is jealousy but distrust?) he suspects she cannot affect him, or be not so kind and loving as she should, she certainly loves some other man better than himself. [6071]Nevisanus, lib. 4. num. 72, will have barrenness to be a main cause of jealousy. If her husband cannot play the man, some other shall, they will leave no remedies unessayed, and thereupon the good man grows jealous; I could give an instance, but be it as it is. I find this reason given by some men, because they have been formerly naught themselves, they think they may be so served by others, they turned up trump before the cards were shuffled; they shall have therefore legem talionis, like for like. [6072]Ipse miser docui, quo posset ludere pacto Custodes, eheu nunc premor arte mea.

Wretch as I was, I taught her bad to be, And now mine own sly tricks are put upon me.

Mala mens, malus animus, as the saying is, ill dispositions cause ill suspicions. [6073]There is none jealous, I durst pawn my life, But he that hath defiled another's wife, And for that he himself hath gone astray, He straightway thinks his wife will tread that way.

To these two above-named causes, or incendiaries of this rage, I may very well annex those circumstances of time, place, persons, by which it ebbs and flows, the fuel of this fury, as [6074]Vives truly observes; and such like accidents or occasions, proceeding from the parties themselves, or others, which much aggravate and intend this suspicious humour. For many men are so lasciviously given, either out of a depraved nature, or too much liberty, which they do assume unto themselves, by reason of their greatness, in that they are noble men, (for licentiae peccandi, et multitudo peccantium are great motives) though their own wives be never so fair, noble, virtuous, honest, wise, able, and well given, they must have change. [6075]Qui cum legitimi junguntur fccdere lecti, Virtute egregiis, facieque domoque puellis, Scorta tamen, foedasque lupas in fornice quaerunt, Et per adulterium nova carpere gaudia tentant.

Who being match'd to wives most virtuous, Noble, and fair, fly out lascivious.

Quod licet ingratum est, that which is ordinary, is unpleasant. Nero (saith Tacitus) abhorred Octavia his own wife, a noble virtuous lady, and loved Acte, a base quean in respect. [6076]Cerinthus rejected Sulpitia, a nobleman's daughter, and courted a poor servant maid.—tanta est aliena in messe voluptas, for that [6077]stolen waters be more pleasant: or as Vitellius the emperor was wont to say, Jucundiores amores, qui cum periculo habentur, like stolen venison, still the sweetest is that love which is most difficultly attained: they like better to hunt by stealth in another man's walk, than to have the fairest course that may be at game of their own. [6078]Aspice ut in coelo modo sol, modo luna ministret, Sic etiam nobis una pella parum est.

As sun and moon in heaven change their course, So they change loves, though often to the worse.

Or that some fair object so forcibly moves them, they cannot contain themselves, be it heard or seen they will be at it. [6079]Nessus, the centaur, was by agreement to carry Hercules and his wife over the river Evenus; no sooner had he set Dejanira on the other side, but he would have offered violence unto her, leaving Hercules to swim over as he could: and though her husband was a spectator, yet would he not desist till Hercules, with a poisoned arrow, shot him to death. [6080]Neptune saw by chance that Thessalian Tyro, Eunippius' wife, he forthwith, in the fury of his lust, counterfeited her husband's habit, and made him cuckold. Tarquin heard Collatine commend his wife, and was so far enraged, that in the midst of the night to her he went. [6081]Theseus stole Ariadne, vi rapuit that Trazenian Anaxa, Antiope, and now being old, Helen, a girl not yet ready for a husband. Great men are most part thus affected all, as a horse they neigh, saith [6082]Jeremiah, after their neighbours' wives,—ut visa pullus adhinnit equa: and if they be in company with other women, though in their own wives' presence, they must be courting and dallying with them. Juno in Lucian complains of Jupiter that he was still kissing Ganymede before her face, which did not a little offend her: and besides he was a counterfeit Amphitryo, a bull, a swan, a golden shower, and played many such bad pranks, too long, too shameful to relate. Or that they care little for their own ladies, and fear no laws, they dare freely keep whores at their wives' noses. 'Tis too frequent with noblemen to be dishonest; Pielas, probitas, fides, privata bona sunt, as [6083]he said long since, piety, chastity, and such like virtues are for private men: not to be much looked after in great courts: and which Suetonius of the good princes of his time, they might be all engraven in one ring, we may truly hold of chaste potentates of our age. For great personages will familiarly run out in this kind, and yield occasion of offence. [6084] Montaigne, in his Essays, gives instate in Caesar, Mahomet the Turk, that sacked Constantinople, and Ladislaus, king of Naples, that besieged Florence: great men, and great soldiers, are commonly great, &c., probatum est, they are good doers. Mars and Venus are equally balanced in their actions, [6085]Militis in galea nidum fecere columbae, Apparet Marti quam sit amica Venus.

A dove within a headpiece made her nest, 'Twixt Mars and Venus see an interest.

Especially if they be bald, for bald men have ever been suspicious (read more in Aristotle, Sect. 4. prob. 19.) as Galba, Otho, Domitian, and remarkable Caesar amongst the rest. [6086]Urbani servate uxores, maechum calvum adducimus; besides, this bald Caesar, saith Curio in Sueton, was omnium mulierum vir; he made love to Eunoe, queen of Mauritania; to Cleopatra; to Posthumia, wife to Sergius Sulpitius; to Lollia, wife to Gabinius; to Tertulla, of Crassus; to Mutia, Pompey's wife, and I know not how many besides: and well he might, for, if all be true that I have read, he had a license to lie with whom he list. Inter alios honores Caesari decretos (as Sueton, cap. 52. de Julio, and Dion, lib. 44. relate) jus illi datum, cum quibuscunque faeminis se jungendi. Every private history will yield such variety of instances: otherwise good, wise, discreet men, virtuous and valiant, but too faulty in this. Priamus had fifty sons, but seventeen alone lawfully begotten. [6087]Philippus Bonus left fourteen bastards. Lorenzo de Medici, a good prince and a wise, but, saith Machiavel, [6088]prodigiously lascivious. None so valiant as Castruccius Castrucanus, but, as the said author hath it, [6089]none so incontinent as he was. And 'tis not only predominant in grandees this fault: but if you will take a great man's testimony, 'tis familiar with every base soldier in France, (and elsewhere, I think). This vice ([6090] saith mine author) is so common with us in France, that he is of no account, a mere coward, not worthy the name of a soldier, that is not a notorious whoremaster. In Italy he is not a gentleman, that besides his wife hath not a courtesan and a mistress. 'Tis no marvel, then, if poor women in such cases be jealous, when they shall see themselves manifestly neglected, contemned, loathed, unkindly used: their disloyal husbands to entertain others in their rooms, and many times to court ladies to their faces: other men's wives to wear their jewels: how shall a poor woman in such a case moderate her passion? [6091]Quis tibi nunc Dido cernenti talia sensus? How, on the other side, shall a poor man contain himself from this feral malady, when he shall see so manifest signs of his wife's inconstancy? when, as Milo's wife, she dotes upon every young man she sees, or, as [6092]Martial's Sota,—deserto sequitur Clitum marito, deserts her husband and follows Clitus. Though her husband be proper and tall, fair and lovely to behold, able to give contentment to any one woman, yet she will taste of the forbidden fruit: Juvenal's Iberina to a hair, she is as well pleased with one eye as one man. If a young gallant come by chance into her presence, a fastidious brisk, that can wear his clothes well in fashion, with a lock, jingling spur, a feather, that can cringe, and withal compliment, court a gentlewoman, she raves upon him, O what a lovely proper man he was, another Hector, an Alexander, a goodly man, a demigod, how sweetly he carried himself, with how comely a grace, sic oculos, sic ille manus, sic ora ferebat, how neatly he did wear his clothes! [6093] Quam sese ore ferens, quam forti pectore et armis, how bravely did he discourse, ride, sing, and dance, &c., and then she begins to loathe her husband, repugnans osculatur, to hate him and his filthy beard, his goatish complexion, as Doris said of Polyphemus, [6094]totus qui saniem, totus ut hircus olet, he is a rammy fulsome fellow, a goblin-faced fellow, he smells, he stinks, Et caepas simul alliumque ructat [6095]—si quando ad thalamum, &c., how like a dizzard, a fool, an ass, he looks, how like a clown he behaves himself! [6096]she will not come near him by her own good will, but wholly rejects him, as Venus did her fuliginous Vulcan, at last, Nec Deus hunc mensa, Dea nec dignata cubili est. [6097]So did Lucretia, a lady of Senae, after she had but seen Euryalus, in Eurialum tota ferebatur, domum reversa, &c., she would not hold her eyes off him in his presence,— [6098]tantum egregio decus enitet ore, and in his absence could think of none but him, odit virum, she loathed her husband forthwith, might not abide him: [6099]Et conjugalis negligens tori, viro Praesente, acerbo nauseat fastidio;

All against the laws of matrimony, She did abhor her husband's phis'nomy;

and sought all opportunity to see her sweetheart again. Now when the good man shall observe his wife so lightly given, to be so free and familiar with every gallant, her immodesty and wantonness, (as [6100]Camerarius notes) it must needs yield matter of suspicion to him, when she still pranks up herself beyond her means and fortunes, makes impertinent journeys, unnecessary visitations, stays out so long, with such and such companions, so frequently goes to plays, masks, feasts, and all public meetings, shall use such immodest [6101]gestures, free speeches, and withal show some distaste of her own husband; how can he choose, though he were another Socrates, but be suspicious, and instantly jealous? [6102] Socraticas tandem faciet transcendere metas; more especially when he shall take notice of their more secret and sly tricks, which to cornute their husbands they commonly use (dum ludis, ludos haec te facit) they pretend love, honour, chastity, and seem to respect them before all men living, saints in show, so cunningly can they dissemble, they will not so much as look upon another man in his presence, [6103]so chaste, so religious, and so devout, they cannot endure the name or sight of a quean, a harlot, out upon her! and in their outward carriage are most loving and officious, will kiss their husband, and hang about his neck (dear husband, sweet husband), and with a composed countenance salute him, especially when he comes home; or if he go from home, weep, sigh, lament, and take upon them to be sick and swoon (like Jocundo's wife in [6104]Ariosto, when her husband was to depart), and yet arrant, &c. they care not for him, Aye me, the thought (quoth she) makes me so 'fraid, That scarce the breath abideth in my breast; Peace, my sweet love and wife, Jocundo said, And weeps as fast, and comforts her his best, &c. All this might not assuage the woman's pain, Needs must I die before you come again, Nor how to keep my life I can devise, The doleful days and nights I shall sustain, From meat my mouth, from sleep will keep mine eyes, &c. That very night that went before the morrow, That he had pointed surely to depart, Jocundo's wife was sick, and swoon'd for sorrow Amid his arms, so heavy was her heart.

And yet for all these counterfeit tears and protestations, Jocundo coming back in all haste for a jewel he had forgot, His chaste and yoke-fellow he found Yok'd with a knave, all honesty neglected, The adulterer sleeping very sound, Yet by his face was easily detected: A beggar's brat bred by him from his cradle., And now was riding on his master's saddle.

Thus can they cunningly counterfeit, as [6105]Platina describes their customs, kiss their husbands, whom they had rather see hanging on a gallows, and swear they love him dearer than their own lives, whose soul they would not ransom for their little dog's, ———similis si permutatio detur, Morte viri cupiunt aniniani servare catellae.

Many of them seem to be precise and holy forsooth, and will go to such a [6106]church, to hear such a good man by all means, an excellent man, when 'tis for no other intent (as he follows it) than to see and to be seen, to observe what fashions are in use, to meet some pander, bawd, monk, friar, or to entice some good fellow. For they persuade themselves, as [6107] Nevisanus shows, That it is neither sin nor shame to lie with a lord or parish priest, if he be a proper man; [6108]and though she kneel often, and pray devoutly, 'tis (saith Platina) not for her husband's welfare, or children's good, or any friend, but for her sweetheart's return, her pander's health. If her husband would have her go, she feigns herself sick, [6109]Et simulat subito condoluisse caput: her head aches, and she cannot stir: but if her paramour ask as much, she is for him in all seasons, at all hours of the night. [6110]In the kingdom of Malabar, and about Goa in the East Indies, the women are so subtile that, with a certain drink they give them to drive away cares as they say, [6111]they will make them sleep for twenty-four hours, or so intoxicate them that they can remember nought of that they saw done, or heard, and, by washing of their feet, restore them again, and so make their husbands cuckolds to their faces. Some are ill-disposed at all times, to all persons they like, others more wary to some few, at such and such seasons, as Augusta, Livia, non nisi plena navi vectorem tollebat. But as he said, [6112]No pen could write, no tongue attain to tell, By force of eloquence, or help of art, Of women's treacheries the hundredth part.

Both, to say truth, are often faulty; men and women give just occasions in this humour of discontent, aggravate and yield matter of suspicion: but most part of the chief causes proceed from other adventitious accidents and circumstances, though the parties be free, and both well given themselves. The indiscreet carriage of some lascivious gallant (et e contra of some light woman) by his often frequenting of a house, bold unseemly gestures, may make a breach, and by his over-familiarity, if he be inclined to yellowness, colour him quite out. If he be poor, basely born, saith Beneditto Varchi, and otherwise unhandsome, he suspects him the less; but if a proper man, such as was Alcibiades in Greece, and Castruccius Castrucanus in Italy, well descended, commendable for his good parts, he taketh on the more, and watcheth his doings. [6113]Theodosius the emperor gave his wife Eudoxia a golden apple when he was a suitor to her, which she long after bestowed upon a young gallant in the court, of her especial acquaintance. The emperor, espying this apple in his hand, suspected forthwith, more than was, his wife's dishonesty, banished him the court, and from that day following forbare to accompany her any more. [6114]A rich merchant had a fair wife; according to his custom he went to travel; in his absence a good fellow tempted his wife; she denied him; yet he, dying a little after, gave her a legacy for the love he bore her. At his return, her jealous husband, because she had got more by land than he had done at sea, turned her away upon suspicion. Now when those other circumstances of time and place, opportunity and importunity shall concur, what will they not effect? Fair opportunity can win the coyest she that is, So wisely he takes time, as he'll be sure he will not miss: Then lie that loves her gamesome vein, and tempers toys with art, Brings love that swimmeth in her eyes to dive into her heart.

As at plays, masks, great feasts and banquets, one singles out his wife to dance, another courts her in his presence, a third tempts her, a fourth insinuates with a pleasing compliment, a sweet smile, ingratiates himself with an amphibological speech, as that merry companion in the [6115] Satirist did to his Glycerium, [6116]adsidens et interiorem palmam amabiliter concutiens, Quod meus hortus habet sumat impune licebit, Si dederis nobis quod tuus hortus habet;

with many such, &c., and then as he saith, [6117]She may no while in chastity abide. That is assaid on every side.

For after al great feast, [6118]Vino saepe suum nescit amica virum. Noah (saith [6119]Hierome) showed his nakedness in his drunkenness, which for six hundred years he had covered in soberness. Lot lay with his daughters in his drink, as Cyneras with Myrrha,—[6120]quid enim Venus ebria curat? The most continent may be overcome, or if otherwise they keep bad company, they that are modest of themselves, and dare not offend, confirmed by [6121]others, grow impudent, and confident, and get an ill habit. [6122]Alia quaestus gratia matrimonium corrumpit, Alia peccans multas vult morbi habere socias.

Or if they dwell in suspected places, as in an infamous inn, near some stews, near monks, friars, Nevisanus adds, where be many tempters and solicitors, idle persons that frequent their companies, it may give just cause of suspicion. Martial of old inveighed against them that counterfeited a disease to go to the bath; for so, many times, ———relicto Conjuge Penelope venit, abit Helene.

Aeneas Sylvius puts in a caveat against princes' courts, because there be tot formosi juvenes qui promittunt, so many brave suitors to tempt, &c. [6123]If you leave her in such a place, you shall likely find her in company you like not, either they come to her, or she is gone to them. [6124]Kornmannus makes a doubting jest in his lascivious country, Virginis illibata censeatur ne castitas ad quam frequentur accedant scholares? And Baldus the lawyer scoffs on, quum scholaris, inquit, loquitur cum puella, non praesumitur ei dicere, Pater noster, when a scholar talks with a maid, or another man's wife in private, it is presumed he saith not a pater noster. Or if I shall see a monk or a friar climb up a ladder at midnight into a virgin's or widow's chamber window, I shall hardly think he then goes to administer the sacraments, or to take her confession. These are the ordinary causes of jealousy, which are intended or remitted as the circumstances vary.

MEMB. II.

_Symptoms of Jealousy, Fear, Sorrow, Suspicion, strange Actions, Gestures, Outrages, Locking up, Oaths, Trials, Laws, &c._

Of all passions, as I have already proved, love is most violent, and of those bitter potions which this love-melancholy affords, this bastard jealousy is the greatest, as appears by those prodigious symptoms which it hath, and that it produceth. For besides fear and sorrow, which is common to all melancholy, anxiety of mind, suspicion, aggravation, restless thoughts, paleness, meagreness, neglect of business, and the like, these men are farther yet misaffected, and in a higher strain. 'Tis a more vehement passion, a more furious perturbation, a bitter pain, a fire, a pernicious curiosity, a gall corrupting the honey of our life, madness, vertigo, plague, hell, they are more than ordinarily disquieted, they lose bonum pacis, as [6125]Chrysostom observes; and though they be rich, keep sumptuous tables, be nobly allied, yet miserrimi omnium sunt, they are most miserable, they are more than ordinarily discontent, more sad, nihil tristius, more than ordinarily suspicious. Jealousy, saith [6126]Vives, begets unquietness in the mind, night and day: he hunts after every word he hears, every whisper, and amplifies it to himself (as all melancholy men do in other matters) with a most unjust calumny of others, he misinterprets everything is said or done, most apt to mistake or misconstrue, he pries into every corner, follows close, observes to a hair. 'Tis proper to jealousy so to do, Pale hag, infernal fury, pleasure's smart, Envy's observer, prying in every part.

Besides those strange gestures of staring, frowning, grinning, rolling of eyes, menacing, ghastly looks, broken pace, interrupt, precipitate, half-turns. He will sometimes sigh, weep, sob for anger. Nempe suos imbres etiam ista tonitrua fundunt,[6127]—swear and belie, slander any man, curse, threaten, brawl, scold, fight; and sometimes again flatter and speak fair, ask forgiveness, kiss and coll, condemn his rashness and folly, vow, protest, and swear he will never do so again; and then eftsoons, impatient as he is, rave, roar, and lay about him like a madman, thump her sides, drag her about perchance, drive her out of doors, send her home, he will be divorced forthwith, she is a whore, &c., and by-and-by with all submission compliment, entreat her fair, and bring her in again, he loves her dearly, she is his sweet, most kind and loving wife, he will not change, nor leave her for a kingdom; so he continues off and on, as the toy takes him, the object moves him, but most part brawling, fretting, unquiet he is, accusing and suspecting not strangers only, but brothers and sisters, father and mother, nearest and dearest friends. He thinks with those Italians, Chi non tocca parentado, Tocca mai e rado.

And through fear conceives unto himself things almost incredible and impossible to be effected. As a heron when she fishes, still prying on all sides; or as a cat doth a mouse, his eye is never off hers; he gloats on him, on her, accurately observing on whom she looks, who looks at her, what she saith, doth, at dinner, at supper, sitting, walking, at home, abroad, he is the same, still inquiring, maundering, gazing, listening, affrighted with every small object; why did she smile, why did she pity him, commend him? why did she drink twice to such a man? why did she offer to kiss, to dance? &c., a whore, a whore, an arrant whore. All this he confesseth in the poet, [6128]Omnia me terrent, timidus sum, ignosce timori. Et miser in tunica suspicor esse virum. Me laedit si multa tibi dabit oscula mater, Me soror, et cum qua dormit amica simul.

Each thing affrights me, I do fear, Ah pardon me my fear, I doubt a man is hid within The clothes that thou dost wear.

Is it not a man in woman's apparel? is not somebody in that great chest, or behind the door, or hangings, or in some of those barrels? may not a man steal in at the window with a ladder of ropes, or come down the chimney, have a false key, or get in when he is asleep? If a mouse do but stir, or the wind blow, a casement clatter, that's the villain, there he is: by his goodwill no man shall see her, salute her, speak with her, she shall not go forth of his sight, so much as to do her needs. [6129]Non ita bovem argus, &c. Argus did not so keep his cow, that watchful dragon the golden fleece, or Cerberus the coming in of hell, as he keeps his wife. If a dear friend or near kinsman come as guest to his house, to visit him, he will never let him be out of his own sight and company, lest, peradventure, &c. If the necessity of his business be such that he must go from home, he doth either lock her up, or commit her with a deal of injunctions and protestations to some trusty friends, him and her he sets and bribes to oversee: one servant is set in his absence to watch another, and all to observe his wife, and yet all this will not serve, though his business be very urgent, he will when he is halfway come back in all post haste, rise from supper, or at midnight, and be gone, and sometimes leave his business undone, and as a stranger court his own wife in some disguised habit. Though there be no danger at all, no cause of suspicion, she live in such a place, where Messalina herself could not be dishonest if she would, yet he suspects her as much as if she were in a bawdy-house, some prince's court, or in a common inn, where all comers might have free access. He calls her on a sudden all to nought, she is a strumpet, a light housewife, a bitch, an arrant whore. No persuasion, no protestation can divert this passion, nothing can ease him, secure or give him satisfaction. It is most strange to report what outrageous acts by men and women have been committed in this kind, by women especially, that will run after their husbands into all places and companies, [6130]as Jovianus Pontanus's wife did by him, follow him whithersoever he went, it matters not, or upon what business, raving like Juno in the tragedy, miscalling, cursing, swearing, and mistrusting every one she sees. Gomesius in his third book of the Life and Deeds of Francis Ximenius, sometime archbishop of Toledo, hath a strange story of that incredible jealousy of Joan queen of Spain, wife to King Philip, mother of Ferdinand and Charles the Fifth, emperors; when her husband Philip, either for that he was tired with his wife's jealousy, or had some great business, went into the Low Countries: she was so impatient and melancholy upon his departure, that she would scarce eat her meat, or converse with any man; and though she were with child, the season of the year very bad, the wind against her, in all haste she would to sea after him. Neither Isabella her queen mother, the archbishop, or any other friend could persuade her to the contrary, but she would after him. When she was now come into the Low Countries, and kindly entertained by her husband, she could not contain herself, [6131]but in a rage ran upon a yellow-haired wench, with whom she suspected her husband to be naught, cut off her hair, did beat her black and blue, and so dragged her about. It is an ordinary thing for women in such cases to scratch the faces, slit the noses of such as they suspect; as Henry the Second's importune Juno did by Rosamond at Woodstock; for she complains in a [6132]modern poet, she scarce spake, But flies with eager fury to my face, Offering me most unwomanly disgrace. Look how a tigress, &c. So fell she on me in outrageous wise, As could disdain and jealousy devise.

Or if it be so they dare not or cannot execute any such tyrannical injustice, they will miscall, rail and revile, bear them deadly hate and malice, as [6133]Tacitus observes, The hatred of a jealous woman is inseparable against such as she suspects. [6134]Nulla vis flammae tumidique venti Tanta, nec teli metuanda torti. Quanta cum conjux viduata taedis Ardet et odit.

Winds, weapons, flames make not such hurly burly, As raving women turn all topsy-turvy.

So did Agrippina by Lollia, and Calphurnia in the days of Claudius. But women are sufficiently curbed in such cases, the rage of men is more eminent, and frequently put in practice. See but with what rigour those jealous husbands tyrannise over their poor wives. In Greece, Spain, Italy, Turkey, Africa, Asia, and generally over all those hot countries, [6135] Mulieres vestrae terra vestra, arate sicut vultis. Mahomet in his Alcoran gives this power to men, your wives are as your land, till them, use them, entreat them fair or foul, as you will yourselves. [6136]Mecastor lege dura vivunt mulieres, they lock them still in their houses, which are so many prisons to them. will suffer nobody to come at them, or their wives to be seen abroad,—nec campos liceat lustrare patentes. They must not so much as look out. And if they be great persons, they have eunuchs to keep them, as the Grand Signior among the Turks, the Sophies of Persia, those Tartarian Mogors, and Kings of China. Infantes masculos castrant innumeros ut regi serviant, saith [6137]Riccius, they geld innumerable infants to this purpose; the King of [6138]China maintains 10,000 eunuchs in his family to keep his wives. The Xeriffes of Barbary keep their courtesans in such a strict manner, that if any man come but in sight of them he dies for it; and if they chance to see a man, and do not instantly cry out, though from their windows, they must be put to death. The Turks have I know not how many black, deformed eunuchs (for the white serve for other ministeries) to this purpose sent commonly from Egypt, deprived in their childhood of all their privities, and brought up in the seraglio at Constantinople to keep their wives; which are so penned up they may not confer with any living man, or converse with younger women, have a cucumber or carrot sent into them for their diet, but sliced, for fear, &c. and so live and are left alone to their unchaste thoughts all the days of their lives. The vulgar sort of women, if at any time they come abroad, which is very seldom, to visit one another, or to go to their baths, are so covered, that no man can see them, as the matrons were in old Rome, lectica aut sella tecta, vectae, so [6139]Dion and Seneca record, Velatae totae incedunt, which [6140]Alexander ab Alexandro relates of the Parthians, lib. 5. cap. 24. which, with Andreas Tiraquellus his commentator, I rather think should be understood of Persians. I have not yet said all, they do not only lock them up, sed et pudendis seras adhibent: hear what Bembus relates lib. 6. of his Venetian history, of those inhabitants that dwell about Quilon in Africa. Lusitani, inquit, quorundum civitates adierunt: qui natis statim faeminis naturam consuunt, quoad urinae exitus ne impediatur, easque quum adoleverint sic consutas in matrimonium collocant, ut sponsi prima cura sit conglutinatas puellae oras ferro interscindere. In some parts of Greece at this day, like those old Jews, they will not believe their wives are honest, nisi pannum menstruatum prima nocte videant: our countryman [6141]Sands, in his peregrination, saith it is severely observed in Zanzynthus, or Zante; and Leo Afer in his time at Fez, in Africa, non credunt virginem esse nisi videant sanguineam mappam; si non, ad parentes pudore rejicitur. Those sheets are publicly shown by their parents, and kept as a sign of incorrupt virginity. The Jews of old examined their maids ex tenui membrana, called Hymen, which Laurentius in his anatomy, Columbus lib. 12. cap. 10. Capivaccius lib. 4. cap. 11. de uteri affectibus, Vincent, Alsarus Genuensis quaesit. med. cent. 4. Hieronymus Mercurialis consult. Ambros. Pareus, Julius Caesar Claudinus Respons. 4. as that also de [6142]ruptura venarum ut sauguis fluat, copiously confute; 'tis no sufficient trial they contend. And yet others again defend it, Gaspar Bartholinus Institut. Anat. lib. 1. cap. 31. Pinaeus of Paris, Albertus Magnus de secret. mulier. cap. 9 & 10. &c. and think they speak too much in favour of women. [6143] Ludovicus Boncialus lib. 4. cap. 2. muliebr. naturalem illam uteri labiorum constrictionem, in qua virginitatem consistere volunt, astringentibus medicinis fieri posse vendicat, et si defloratae sint, astutae [6144]mulieres (inquit) nos fallunt in his. Idem Alsarius Crucius Genuensis iisdem fere verbis. Idem Avicenna lib. 3. Fen. 20. Tract. 1, cap. 47. [6145]Rhasis Continent. lib. 24. Rodericus a Castro de nat. mul. lib. 1. cap. 3. An old bawdy nurse in [6146]Aristaenetus, (like that Spanish Caelestina, [6147]quae, quinque mille virgines fecit mulieres, totidemque mulieres arte sua virgines) when a fair maid of her acquaintance wept and made her moan to her, how she had been deflowered, and now ready to be married, was afraid it would be perceived, comfortably replied, Noli vereri filia, &c. Fear not, daughter, I'll teach thee a trick to help it. Sed haec extra callem. To what end are all those astrological questions, an sit virgo, an sit casta, an sit mulier? and such strange absurd trials in Albertus Magnus, Bap. Porta, Mag. lib. 2. cap. 21. in Wecker. lib. 5. de secret, by stones, perfumes, to make them piss, and confess I know not what in their sleep; some jealous brain was the first founder of them. And to what passion may we ascribe those severe laws against jealousy, Num. v. 14, Adulterers Deut. cap. 22. v. xxii. as amongst the Hebrews, amongst the Egyptians (read [6148]Bohemus l. 1. c. 5. de mor. gen. of the Carthaginians, cap. 6. of Turks, lib. 2. cap. 11.) amongst the Athenians of old, Italians at this day, wherein they are to be severely punished, cut in pieces, burned, vivi-comburio, buried alive, with several expurgations, &c. are they not as so many symptoms of incredible jealousy? we may say the same of those vestal virgins that fetched water in a sieve, as Tatia did in Rome, _anno ab. urb. condita 800._ before the senators; and [6149]Aemilia, virgo innocens, that ran over hot irons, as Emma, Edward the Confessor's mother did, the king himself being a spectator, with the like. We read in Nicephorus, that Chunegunda the wife of Henricus Bavarus emperor, suspected of adultery, insimulata adulterii per ignitos vomeres illaesa transiit, trod upon red hot coulters, and had no harm: such another story we find in Regino lib. 2. In Aventinus and Sigonius of Charles the Third and his wife Richarda, _an._ 887, that was so purged with hot irons. Pausanias saith, that he was once an eyewitness of such a miracle at Diana's temple, a maid without any harm at all walked upon burning coals. Pius Secund. in his description of Europe, c. 46. relates as much, that it was commonly practised at Diana's temple, for women to go barefoot over hot coals, to try their honesties: Plinius, Solinus, and many writers, make mention of [6150]Geronia's temple, and Dionysius Halicarnassus, lib. 3. of Memnon's statue, which were used to this purpose. Tatius lib. 6. of Pan his cave, (much like old St. Wilfrid's needle in Yorkshire) wherein they did use to try, maids, [6151]whether they were honest; when Leucippe went in, suavissimus exaudiri sonus caepit Austin de civ. Dei lib. 10. c. 16. relates many such examples, all which Lavater de spectr. part. 1. cap. 19 contends to be done by the illusion of devils; though Thomas quaest. 6. de polentia, &c. ascribes it to good angels. Some, saith [6152]Austin, compel their wives to swear they be honest, as if perjury were a lesser sin than adultery; [6153]some consult oracles, as Phaerus that blind king of Egypt. Others reward, as those old Romans used to do; if a woman were contented with one man, Corona pudicitiae donabatur, she had a crown of chastity bestowed on her. When all this will not serve, saith Alexander Gaguinus, cap. 5. descript. Muscoviae, the Muscovites, if they suspect their wives, will beat them till they confess, and if that will not avail, like those wild Irish, be divorced at their pleasures, or else knock them on the heads, as the old [6154]Gauls have done in former ages. Of this tyranny of jealousy read more in Parthenius Erot. cap. 10. Camerarius cap. 53. hor. subcis. et cent. 2. cap. 34. Caelia's epistles, Tho. Chaloner de repub. Aug. lib. 9. Ariosto lib. 31. stasse 1. Felix Platerus observat. lib. 1. &c.

MEMB. III.

_Prognostics of Jealousy. Despair, Madness, to make away themselves and others_.

Those which are jealous, most part, if they be not otherwise relieved, [6155]proceed from suspicion to hatred, from hatred to frenzy, madness, injury, murder and despair. [6156]A plague by whose most damnable effect. Divers in deep despair to die have sought, By which a man to madness near is brought, As well with causeless as with just suspect.

In their madness many times, saith [6157]Vives, they make away themselves and others. Which induceth Cyprian to call it, Foecundam et multiplicem perniciem, fontem cladium et seminarium delictorum, a fruitful mischief, the seminary of offences, and fountain of murders. Tragical examples are too common in this kind, both new and old, in all ages, as of [6158] Cephalus and Procris, [6159]Phaereus of Egypt, Tereus, Atreus, and Thyestes. [6160]Alexander Phaereus was murdered of his wife, ob pellicatus suspitionem, Tully saith. Antoninus Verus was so made away by Lucilla; Demetrius the son of Antigonus, and Nicanor, by their wives. Hercules poisoned by Dejanira, [6161]Caecinna murdered by Vespasian, Justina, a Roman lady, by her husband. [6162]Amestris, Xerxes' wife, because she found her husband's cloak in Masista's house, cut off Masista, his wife's paps, and gave them to the dogs, flayed her besides, and cut off her ears, lips, tongue, and slit the nose of Artaynta her daughter. Our late writers are full of such outrages. [6163]Paulus Aemilius, in his history of France, hath a tragical story of Chilpericus the First his death, made away by Ferdegunde his queen. In a jealous humour he came from hunting, and stole behind his wife, as she was dressing and combing her head in the sun, gave her a familiar touch with his wand, which she mistaking for her lover, said, Ah Landre, a good knight should strike before, and not behind: but when she saw herself betrayed by his presence, she instantly took order to make him away. Hierome Osorius, in his eleventh book of the deeds of Emanuel King of Portugal, to this effect hath a tragical narration of one Ferdinandus Chalderia, that wounded Gotherinus, a noble countryman of his, at Goa in the East Indies, [6164]and cut off one of his legs, for that he looked as he thought too familiarly upon his wife, which was afterwards a cause of many quarrels, and much bloodshed. Guianerius cap. 36. de aegritud. matr. speaks of a silly jealous fellow, that seeing his child new-born included in a caul, thought sure a [6165]Franciscan that used to come to his house, was the father of it, it was so like the friar's cowl, and thereupon threatened the friar to kill him: Fulgosus of a woman in Narbonne, that cut off her husband's privities in the night, because she thought he played false with her. The story of Jonuses Bassa, and fair Manto his wife, is well known to such as have read the Turkish history; and that of Joan of Spain, of which I treated in my former section. Her jealousy, saith Gomesius, was the cause of both their deaths: King Philip died for grief a little after, as [6166]Martian his physician gave it out, and she for her part after a melancholy discontented life, misspent in lurking-holes and corners, made an end of her miseries. Felix Plater, in the first book of his observations, hath many such instances, of a physician of his acquaintance, [6167]that was first mad through jealousy, and afterwards desperate: of a merchant [6168]that killed his wife in the same humour, and after precipitated himself: of a doctor of law that cut off his man's nose: of a painter's wife in Basil, anno 1600, that was mother of nine children and had been twenty-seven years married, yet afterwards jealous, and so impatient that she became desperate, and would neither eat nor drink in her own house, for fear her husband should poison her. 'Tis a common sign this; for when once the humours are stirred, and the imagination misaffected, it will vary itself in divers forms; and many such absurd symptoms will accompany, even madness itself. Skenkius observat. lib. 4. cap. de Uter. hath an example of a jealous woman that by this means had many fits of the mother: and in his first book of some that through jealousy ran mad: of a baker that gelded himself to try his wife's honesty, &c. Such examples are too common.

MEMB. IV.

SUBSECT I.—_Cure of Jealousy; by avoiding occasions, not to be idle: of good counsel; to contemn it, not to watch or lock them up: to dissemble it, &c._

As of all other melancholy, some doubt whether this malady may be cured or no, they think 'tis like the [6169]gout, or Switzers, whom we commonly call Walloons, those hired soldiers, if once they take possession of a castle, they can never be got out. Qui timet ut sua sit, ne quis sibi subtrahat illam, Ille Machaonia vix ope salvus est.

[6170]This is the cruel wound against whose smart, No liquor's force prevails, or any plaister, No skill of stars, no depth of magic art, Devised by that great clerk Zoroaster, A wound that so infects the soul and heart, As all our sense and reason it doth master; A wound whose pang and torment is so durable, As it may rightly called be incurable.