Chapter XIX: Part 19

At the end of five months, Alcouz having a mind to buy a parcel of sheep, and to pay for them in this fine money, opened his chest; but instead of finding his money, was extremely surprised to see nothing in the place where he had laid it but a parcel of leaves clipped round: he beat his head and cried out aloud, which presently brought the neighbours about him, who were as much surprised as he, when he told them the story. Oh! cried my brother, weeping, that this treacherous old fellow would come now with his hypocritical looks! He had scarce done speaking when he saw him coming at a distance, ran to him, and laid hands on him: Mussulmen! cried he, as load as he could, help! hear what a cheat this wicked fellow has put upon me, and, at the some time, told a great crowd of people who came about him, what he had formerly told his neighbours. When he had done, the old man said to him very gravely and calmly, You had better let me go, and by that means make amends for the affront you have put upon me before so many people, for fear I should put a greater affront upon you, which I should be sorry to do. How, said my brother, what have you to say against me? I am an honest man in my business, and fear not you, nor any body. You would have me speak out then, said the old man, in the same tone; and turning to the people, said to them, Know, good people, that this fellow, instead of selling mutton, as he ought to do, sells man’s flesh. You are a cheat, said my brother. No, no, said the old man; good people, this very minute that I am speaking to him, there is a man with his throat cut hung up in the shop like a sheep; do any of you go thither, and see if what I say be not true.

Just before my brother had opened his chest he had killed a sheep, dressed it, and exposed it in the shop, according to custom. He protested that what the old man said was false; but notwithstanding all his protestations, the credulous mob, prejudiced against a man accused of such a heinous crime, would go to see whether the matter was true. They obliged my brother to quit the old man, laid hold of him, and ran like madmen into his shop, where they saw a man hung up with his throat cut, as the old man had told them; for he was a magician and deceived the eyes of all people, as he did my brother, when he made him take leaves instead of money. At this sight, one of those who held Alcouz, gave him a great blow with his fist, and said to him, Thou wicked villain! Dost thou make us eat men’s flesh instead of mutton? And at the same time, the old man gave him another blow, which beat out one of his eyes, and every body that could get near him beat him; and not content with that, they carried him before a judge, with the pretended carcass of the man to be evidence against him. Sir, said the old magician to the judge, we have brought you a man, who is so barbarous as to murder people, and to sell their flesh instead of mutton; the public expects that you shall punish him in an exemplary manner. The judge heard my brother with patience, but would believe nothing of the story of the money changed into leaves, called my brother a cheat, told him he would believe his own eyes, and ordered him to receive five hundred blows. He afterwards made him tell where his money was, took it all from him, and banished him for ever, after having made him ride three days through the city upon a camel, exposed to the insults of the people.

I was not at Bagdad when this tragical adventure befell my fourth brother. He retired into a remote place, where he lay concealed till he was cured of the blows with which his back was terribly mauled. When he was able to walk, he went by night to a certain town where nobody knew him; and there he took a lodging, from whence he seldom went out. But being weary of this confined life, he went to walk in one of the suburbs, where all of a sudden he heard a great noise of horsemen coming behind him. He was then by chance near the gate of a great house; and fearing, after what had befallen him, that these horsemen were pursuing him, he opened the gate, in order to hide himself; and after he shut it, came into a great court, where immediately two servants came, and collaring him, said, Heaven be praised, that you have come of your own accord to surrender yourself to us! You have frightened us so much these three last nights, that we could not sleep nor would you have spared our lives, if we had not prevented you. You may very well imagine my brother was much surprised at this compliment. Good people, said he, I know not what you mean; you certainly take me for some body else. No, no, replied they: we know that you and your comrades are great robbers: you were not contented to rob our master of all that he had, and to reduce him to beggary, but you had a mind to take his life. Let us see a little if you have not a knife about you, which you had in your hand when you pursued us last night; and having said this, they searched him, and found he had a knife. Ho! ho! cried they, laying hold of him, and dare you say that you are not a robber? Why, said my brother, cannot a man carry a knife about him without being a highwayman? If you will hearken to my story, continued he, instead of having so bad an opinion of me, you will be touched with compassion at my misfortunes. But far from hearkening to him, they fell upon him, trod upon him, took away his clothes, and tore his shirt. Then seeing the scars on his back, O dog! said they, redoubling their blows, would you have us believe you are an honest man when your back shows us the contrary? --Alas! said my brother, my crimes must be very great, since after having been abused already so unjustly, I am abused again a second time without being more culpable!

The two servants, no way moved with this complaint, carried him before the judge, who asked him, how he durst be so bold as to go into their house, and pursue them with a drawn knife? Sir, replied poor Alcouz, I am the most innocent man in the world, and am undone, if you will not be pleased to hear me patiently; nobody deserves more compassion. Sir, replied one of the domestics, will you listen to a robber, who enters people’s houses to plunder and murder them? If you will not believe us, only look upon his back. And when he said so, he uncovered my brother’s back, and showed it to the judge; who, without any other information, commanded immediately to give him a hundred lashes with a bull’s pizzle over the shoulders, and made him afterwards be carried through the town on a camel, with one crying before him, ‘Thus are such men punished as enter people’s houses by force.’ After haring treated him thus, they banished him the town, and forbid him ever to return to it again. Some people who met him after the second misfortune, brought me word where he was, and I went and fetched him to Bagdad privately, and gave him all the assistance I could. The caliph, continued the barber, did not laugh so much at this story as at the other. He was pleased to pity the unfortunate Alcouz, and ordered something to be given me. But, without giving his servants time to obey his orders, I continued my discourse, and said to him, My sovereign lord and master, you see that I do not talk much; and since your majesty has been pleased to do me the favour to listen to me so far, I beg you would likewise hear the adventures of my two other brothers. I hope they will be as diverting as those of the former. You may make a complete history of them, that will not be unworthy of your library. I shall do myself the honour then to acquaint you, that the fifth brother was called Alnaschar.

The Story of the Barber’s fifth Brother.

Alnaschar, as long as our father lived, was very lazy; instead of working for his hiving, he used to go begging in the evening, and to live next day upon what he got. Our father died in a very old age, and left among us seven hundred drachms of silver: we divided it equally, so that each of us had a hundred for our share. Alnaschar, who had never so much money before in his lifetime, was very much perplexed to know what he should do with it. He consulted a long time with himself, and at last resolved to lay it out in glasses, bottles, and other glass-ware, which he bought of a wholesale dealer. He put all in an open basket, and chose a very little shop, where he sat with the basket before him, and his back against the wall, expecting while somebody should come and buy his ware. In this posture he sat, with his eyes fixed on his basket, and began to meditate; during which he spoke as follows, loud enough to be heard by a neighbouring tailor: This basket, said he, cost me a hundred drachms, which is all I have in the world; I shall make two hundred of it by retailing my glass, and of these two hundred drachms, which I will again lay out in glass-ware, I shall make four hundred; --and going on thus, I shall at last make four thousand drachms; of four thousand I shall easily make eight thousand, and when I come to ten thousand, I will leave off selling glass, and turn jeweller. I will trade in diamonds, pearls, and all sorts of precious stones. Then, when I am rich as I can wish, I will buy a fine house, a great estate, slaves, eunuchs, and horses. I will keep a good house, and make a great figure in the world; I will send for all the musicians and dancers of both sexes in town. --Nor will I stop here: I will, by the favour of heaven, go on till I get a hundred thousand drachms; and when I have got so much, I will think myself as great as a prince, and send to demand the grand vizier’s daughter in marriage; and represent to that minister that I have heard much of the wonderful beauty, understanding, wit, and all the other qualities of his daughter. In a word, that I will give him a thousand pieces of gold the first night after we are married; and if the vizier be so uncivil as to refuse his daughter, which cannot be supposed, I will go and carry her off before his face, and take her to my house, whether he will or no. --As soon as I have married the grand vizier’s daughter, I will buy her ten young black eunuchs, the handsomest that can be had. I will clothe myself like a prince, and, mounted upon a fine horse, with a saddle of fine gold, and housings of cloth of gold, finely embroidered with diamonds and pearls, I will ride through the city, attended by slaves before and behind; and I will go to the vizier’s palace, in view of all the people, great and small, who will show me the most profound respect. When I alight at the foot of the vizier’s staircase, I will go up the same through my own people, ranged in files on the right and left; and the grand vizier, receiving me as his son-in-law, shall give me the right hand, and set me above him, to do me the more honour. If this comes to pass, as I hope it will, two of my people shall each of them have a purse with a thousand pieces of gold, which they shall carry with them. I will take one, and presenting it to the grand vizier, will tell him, There is the thousand pieces of gold that I promised the first night of marriage; and I will offer him the other, and say to him, There is as much more, to shew you that I am a man of my word, and even better than my promise. After such an action as this, all the world will talk of my generosity. I will return to my own house in the same pomp. My wife will send some officer to compliment me, on account of my visit to the vizier, her father; I will honour the officer with a fine robe, and send him back with a rich present. If she thinks to send me one, I will not accept it, but dismiss the bearer. I will not suffer her to go out of her apartment on any account whatever, without giving me notice; and when I have a mind to come to her apartment, it shall be in such a manner as to make her respect me. In short, no house shall be better ordered than mine. I will be always richly clad. When I retire with my wife in the evening, I will sit on the upper hand; I will affect a grave air, without turning my head to one side or other. I will speak little; and whilst my wife, beautiful as the full moon, stands before me in all her charms, I will make as if I did not see her. Her women about her will say to me, Our dear lord and master, here is your spouse, your humble servant, before you, ready to receive your caresses, and much mortified that you do not vouchsafe to look upon her; she is wearied with standing so long; bid her, at least, sit down. I will give no answer to this discourse, which will increase their surprise and grief. They will prostrate themselves at my feet; and after they have for a considerable time entreated me to relent, I will at last lift up my head, and give her a careless look, and resume my former posture: they will suppose that my wife is not well enough, nor handsomely enough dressed, and will carry her to her closet to change her apparel. At the same time I will get up, and put on a more magnificent suit than before: they will return, and hold the same discourse with me as before, and I will have the pleasure not so much as to look upon my wife, till they have prayed and entreated as long as they did at first. Thus I will begin on the first day of marriage to teach her what she is to expect during the rest of her life.

After the ceremonies of the marriage, said Alnaschar, I will take from one of my servants, who shall be about me, a purse of five hundred pieces of gold, which I will give to the tire-women, that they may leave me alone with my spouse. When they are gone, my wife shall go to bed first; then I will lie down by her, with my back towards her, and will not say one word to her all night. The next morning she will certainly complain of my contempt to her, and of my pride, to her mother, the grand vizier’s wife, which will rejoice my heart. Her mother will come to wait upon me, respectfully kiss my hands, and say to me, Sir, (for she will not dare to call me son-in-law, for fear of provoking me by such a familiar style,) I entreat you not to disdain to look upon my daughter, and refuse to come near her: I assure you that her chief delight is to please you, and that she loves you with all her soul. But, in spite of all my mother-in-law can say, I will not answer her one word, but keep an obstinate gravity. Then she will throw herself at my feet, kiss them repeatedly, and say to me, Sir, is it possible that you can suspect my daughter’s good sense? I assure you I never let her go out of my sight. You are the first man that ever saw her face: do not mortify her so much; do her the favour to look upon her, to speak to her, and confirm her in her good intentions to satisfy you in every thing. But nothing of this shall prevail with me. Upon which my mother-in-law will take a glass of wine, and, putting it in the hand of her daughter, my wife, will say, Go, present him this glass of wine yourself; perhaps he will not be so cruel as to refuse it from so fair a hand. My wife will come with the glass, and stand trembling before me; and when she finds that I do not look towards her, but that I continue to disdain her, she will say to me, with tears in her eyes, My heart, my dear soul, my amiable lord, I conjure you, by the favours which heaven heaps upon you, to receive this glass of wine from the hand of your most humble servant; but I will not look upon her still, nor answer her. My charming spouse, will she say, redoubling her tears, and putting the glass to my mouth, I will never leave off till I prevail with you to drink; then, wearied with her entreaties, I will dart a terrible look at her, give her a good box on the cheek, and such a push with my foot, as will throw her to a distance from the sofa.

My brother was so full of these chimerical visions, that he acted with his foot as if she had been really before him, and by misfortune he gave such a push to his basket and glasses, that they were thrown down in the street, and broken in a thousand pieces.

The tailor, his neighbour, who heard his extravagant talk, burst into a great fit of laughter when he saw the basket fall. O, what an unworthy fellow art thou! said he to my brother: ought you not be ashamed to abuse thus a young spouse, who gave you no cause to complain. You must be a very brutish fellow to despise the tears and charms of such a beautiful lady. Were I the vizier, your father-in-law, I would order you a hundred lashes with a bull’s pizzle, and send you through the town with your character written on your forehead. My brother, on this fatal accident, came to himself, and perceiving that he had brought this misfortune upon himself by his insupportable pride, he beat his face, tore his clothes, and cried so loud, that the neighbours came about him; and the people, who were going to their noon-prayers, stopt to know what was the matter. Being on a Friday, more people went to prayers than usual: some of them took pity on Alnaschar, and others only laughed at him for his extravagance. In the mean time, his vanity being dispersed with his property, he bitterly bewailed his loss; and a lady of rank passing by upon a mule richly caparisoned, my brother’s situation moved her compassion. She asked him who he was, and what he cried for? They told her, that he was a poor man, who had laid out the little money he was worth in the purchase of a basket of glass ware, and that the basket had fallen over, and all his glasses were broken. The lady immediately turned to an eunuch who attended her, and said to him, Give the poor man what you have about you. The eunuch obeyed, and put into my brother’s hands a purse, with five hundred pieces of gold. Alnaschar was ready to die with joy when he received it. He gave a thousand blessings to the lady, and shutting up his shop, where he had no more occasion to sit, he went to his house.

While he was making deep reflections upon his good luck, he heard somebody knock at his door: before he opened, he asked who it was; and knowing by the voice that it was a woman, he let her in. My son, said she, I have a favour to beg of you: the hour of prayer is come; pray let me wash myself, that I may be fit to say my prayers. Pray let me come into your house, and give me a basin of water. My brother looked at her, and saw that she was a woman well advanced in years: though he knew her not, he granted her request, and sat down again, still full of his new adventure. He put his gold in a long strait purse, proper to carry at his girdle. The old woman in the mean time said her prayers, and when she had done, came to my brother, and bowed twice to the ground so low, that she touched it with her forehead, as if she had been going to say her prayers: then rising up, she wished my brother all happiness.

Being meanly clad, and very humble, he thought she asked alms, upon which he offered her two pieces of gold. The old woman stept back in a sort of surprise, as if my brother had affronted her. Good God! said she, what is the meaning of this? Is it possible, sir, that you took me for one of those impudent beggars who push into people’s houses to ask alms? Take back your money; I need it not, thank heaven. I belong to a young lady of this city, who is a charming beauty, and very rich; she lets me want for nothing.

My brother was not cunning enough to perceive the craft of the old woman, who only refused the two pieces of gold, that she might catch more. He asked her if she could not procure him the honour of seeing that lady. With all my heart, replied she; she will be very glad to marry you, and to put you in possession of her fortune, by making you master of her person. Take up your money and follow me. My brother being ravished with his good luck of finding so great a sum of money, and almost at the same time a beautiful and rich wife, shut his eyes to all other considerations; so that he took his five hundred pieces of gold, and followed the old woman. She walked before him, and he followed at a distance, to the gate of a great house, where she knocked. He came up to her just as a young Greek slave opened the gate. The old woman made him enter first, crossed a well-paved court, and introduced him into a hall, the furniture of which confirmed him in the good opinion he had conceived of the mistress of the house. While the old woman went to acquaint the lady, he sat down, and the weather being hot, put off his turban, and laid it by him. He speedily saw the young lady come in, whose beauty and rich apparel perfectly surprised him; he got up as soon as he saw her. The lady, with a smiling countenance, prayed him to sit down again, and placed herself by him: she told him she was very glad to see him; and after having spoken some engaging words to him, said, We do not sit here at our ease. Come, give me your hand. At these words she presented him hers, and carried him into an inner chamber, where she conversed with him for some time: then she left him, bidding him stay, --she would be with him in a moment. He waited for her; but instead of a lady came in a great black slave, with a scimitar in his hand, and looking upon my brother, with a terrible aspect, said to him fiercely, What have you to do here? Alnaschar was so frightened at the sight of the slave, that he had no power to answer. The black stripped him, carried on his gold, and gave him several flesh wounds with his scimitar. My unhappy brother fell to the ground, where he lay without motion, though he had still the use of his senses. The black thinking him to be dead, asked for salt: the Greek slave brought him a basin full: they rubbed my brother’s wounds with it, who had so much command of himself, notwithstanding the intolerable pain it put him to, that he lay still, without giving any sign of life. The black and the Greek slave being retired, the old woman, who drew my brother into the snare, came and dragged him by the feet to a trap-door, which she opened, and threw him into a place under ground, among the corpses of several other people that had been murdered. He perceived this as soon as he came to himself, for the violence of the fall had taken away his senses. The salt rubbed into his wounds preserved his life, and he recovered strength by degrees, so as he was able to walk. After two days he opened the trap-door in the night, and finding in the court a place proper to hide himself in, continued there till break of day, when he saw the cursed old woman open the gate to the street, and go out to seek another prey. He staid in the place some time after she went out, that she might not see him, and then came to me for shelter, when he told me of his adventures.

In a month’s time he was perfectly cured of his wounds by medicines that I gave him; and resolved to avenge himself of the old woman, who had put such a barbarous cheat upon him. To this end he took a bag, large enough to contain five hundred pieces of gold, and filled it with pieces of glass.

My brother fastened the bag of glass about him, disguised himself like an old woman, and took a scimitar under his gown. One morning he met the old woman walking through the town to seek her prey; he came up to her, and counterfeiting a woman’s voice, said to her, Cannot you lend me a pair of scales? I am a woman newly come from Persia, have brought five hundred pieces of gold with me, and would know if they are weight. --Good woman, answered the old hag, you could not have applied to a properer person: follow me; I will bring you to my son, who changes money, and will weigh them himself, to save you the trouble. Let us make haste, for fear he go to his shop. My brother followed her to the house where she carried him the first time, and the Greek slave opened the door.

The old woman carried my brother to the hall, where she bid him stay a moment till she called her son. The pretended son came, and proved to be the villanous black slave. Come, old woman, said he to my brother, rise and follow me: having spoke thus, he went before to bring him to the place where he designed to murder him. Alnaschar got up, followed him, and drawing his scimitar, gave him such a dexterous blow behind on the neck, that he cut off his head, which he took in one hand, and, dragging the corpse with the other, threw them both into the place under ground before mentioned. The Greek slave, who was accustomed to the trade, came presently with a basin of salt; but when she saw Alnaschar with his scimitar in his hand, and without his veil, she laid down the basin, and fled. But my brother overtaking her, cut off her head also. The wicked old woman came running at the noise, and my brother seizing her, said to her, Treacherous wretch! do not you know me? Alas, sir! answered she, trembling, who are you? I do not remember that I ever saw you. --I am, said he, the person to whose house you came the other day to wash and say your prayers. Hypocritical hag! said he, do not you remember it? Then she fell on her knees to beg his pardon, but he cut her in four pieces.

There remained only the lady, who knew nothing of what had passed: he sought her out, and found her in a chamber, where she was ready to sink when she saw him: she begged her life, which he generously granted. Madam, said he, how could you live with such wicked people, as I have so justly revenged myself upon now? I was, said she, wife to an honest merchant; and the cursed old woman, whose wickedness I did not know, used sometimes to come to see me. Madam, said she to me one day, we have a very fine wedding at our house, which you will be pleased to see, if you give us the honour of your company: I was persuaded by her, put on my best apparel, and took with me a hundred pieces of gold. I followed her; she brought me to this house, where the black has since kept me by force, and I have been three years here, to my very great sorrow. By the trade which that cursed black followed, replied my brother, he must have gathered together a vast deal of riches. There is so much, said she, that you will be made for ever, if you carry them off: follow me, and you shall see them. Alnaschar followed her to a chamber, where she showed him several coffers full of gold, which he beheld with admiration. Go, said she, fetch people enough to carry it all off. My brother needed not be bid twice: he went out, and staid only till he got ten men together, and brought them with him, and was much surprised to find the gate open, but more when he found the lady and coffers all gone; for she being more diligent than he, carried them all off and disappeared. However, being resolved not to return empty-handed, he carried off all the furniture he could find in the house, which was a great deal more than enough to make up the five hundred pieces of gold he was robbed of; but when he went out of the house, he forgot to shut the gate. The neighbours, who saw my brother and the porters come and go, went and acquainted the magistrate with it, for they looked upon my brother’s conduct as suspicious. Alnaschar slept well enough all night; but the next morning, when he came out of his house, he found twenty of the magistrate’s men, who seized him. Come along with us, said they; our master would sneak with you. My brother prayed them to have patience for a moment, and offered them a sum of money to let him escape; but instead of listening to him, they bound him, and forced him to go along with them. They met in the street an old acquaintance of my brother’s, who stopped them awhile, and asked them why they siezed my brother, and offered them a considerable sum to let him escape, and tell the magistrate they could not find him. But this would not do; so he was carried before the magistrate.

When the officers brought him before the magistrate, he asked him where he had the goods which he carried home last night? Sir, replied Alnaschar, I am ready to tell you all the truth; but allow me first to have recourse to your clemency, and to beg your promise, that nothing shall be done to me. I give it you, said the magistrate. Then my brother told him the whole story without disguise, from the time the old woman came into the house to say her prayers, to the time the lady made her escape, after he had killed the black, the Greek slave, and the old woman: and as for what he had carried to his house, he prayed the judge to leave him part of it, for the five hundred pieces of gold that he was robbed of.

The judge, without promising any thing, sent his officers to bring off all, and having put the goods into his own wardrobe, commanded my brother to quit the town immediately, and never to return, for he was afraid, if my brother had staid in the city, he would have found some way to represent this injustice to the caliph. In the mean time, Alnaschar obeyed without murmuring, and left that town to go to another: by the way he met with highwaymen, who stript him naked; and when the ill news was brought to me, I carried him a suit, and brought him secretly again into the town, where I took the like care of him as I did of his other brothers.

The Story of the Barber’s sixth Brother.

I have now only to tell you the story of my sixth brother, called Schacabac, with the hare-lips. At first he was industrious enough to improve the hundred drachms of silver which fell to his share, and went on very well; but a reverse of fortune brought him to beg his bread, which he did with a great deal of dexterity. He studied chiefly to get into great men’s houses, by means of their servants and officers, that he might have access to their masters, and obtain their charity. One day, as he passed by a magnificent house, whose high gate showed him a very spacious court, where there was a multitude of servants, he went to one of them, and asked him to whom that house belonged. Good man, replied the servant, whence do you come, that you ask me such a question? Does not all that you see make you understand that it is the palace of a Barmecide? [77] My brother, who very well knew the liberality and generosity of the Barmecides, addressed himself to one of his porters, (for he had more than one,) and prayed him to give him an alms. Go in, said he, nobody hinders you, and address yourself to the master of the house; he will send you back satisfied.

My brother, who expected no such civility, thanked the porters, and with their permission entered the palace, which was so large, that it took him a considerable time to reach the Barmecide’s apartment; at last he came to a fine square building of an excellent architecture, and entered by a porch, through which he saw one of the finest gardens with gravel walks of several colours, extremely pleasant to the eye: the lower apartments round this square were most of them open, and were shut only with great curtains to keep out the sun, which were opened again when the heat was over, to let in the fresh air.

Such an agreeable place would have struck my brother with admiration, even if his mind had been more at ease than it was. He went on till he came into a hall richly furnished, and adorned with painting of gold and azure foliage, where he saw a venerable man with a long white beard, sitting at the upper end on a sofa, whence he concluded him to be the master of the house; and in fact it was the Barmecide himself, who said to my brother in a very civil manner, that he was welcome; and asked him what he wanted. My lord, answered my brother, in a begging tone, I am a poor man who stands in need of the help of such rich and generous persons as yourself. He could not have addressed himself to a fitter person than this lord, who had a thousand good qualities.

The Barmecide seemed to be astonished at my brother’s answer, and putting both his hands to his stomach, as if he would rend his clothes for grief, Is it possible, cried he, that I am at Bagdad, and that such a man as you is so poor as you say? This is what must never be. My brother, fancying that he was going to give him some singular mark of his bounty, blessed him a thousand times, and wished him all sorts of happiness. It shall not be said, replied the Barmecide, that I will abandon you, nor will I have you leave me. --Sir, replied my brother, I swear to you I have not eaten one bit to-day. --Is that true, replied the Barmecide, that you are fasting till now? Alas, poor man! he is ready to die for hunger: Ho, boy, cried he, with a loud voice, bring a basin and water presently, that we may wash our hands. Though no boy appeared, and my brother saw neither water nor basin, the Barmecide fell to rubbing his hands, as if one had poured water upon them, and bid my brother come and wash with him. Schacabac judged by that, that the Barmecide lord loved to be merry; and he himself understanding raillery, and knowing that the poor must be complaisant to the rich, if they would have any thing from them, he came forward, and did as he did.

Come on, said the Barmecide; bring us something to eat, and do not let us stay for it. When he had said so, though nothing was brought, he began to cut as if something had been brought him upon a plate, and putting his hand to his mouth began to chew, and said to my brother, Come, friend, eat as freely as if you were at home; come, eat; you said you were like to die of hunger, but you eat as if you had no stomach. --Pardon me, my lord, said Schacabac, who perfectly imitated what he did, you see I lose no time, and that I play my part well enough. --How like you this bread? said the Barmecide: do not you find it very good? --O! my lord, said my brother, who saw neither bread nor meat, I never ate any thing so white and so fine. --Eat your fill, said the Barmecide; I assure you, the woman who bakes me this good bread cost me five hundred pieces of gold to purchase her.

The Barmecide, after having boasted so much of his bread, which my brother eat only in idea, cried. Boy, bring us another dish: and though no boy appeared, Come, my good friend, said he to my brother, taste this new dish; and tell me if ever you eat better mutton and barley-broth than this. --It is admirably good, replied my brother, and therefore you see I eat heartily. --You oblige me highly, replied the Barmecide; I conjure you then, by the satisfaction I have to see you eat so heartily, that you eat all up, since you like it so well. A little while after he called for a goose, and sweet sauce, made up of vinegar, honey, dry raisins, gray peas, and dry figs, which were brought just in the same manner as the other was. The goose is very fat, said the Barmecide, eat only a leg and a wing; we must save our stomachs, for we have abundance of other dishes to come. He actually called for several other dishes, of which my brother, who was ready to die of hunger, pretended to eat; but what he boasted of more than all the rest was a lamb fed with pistachio nuts, which he ordered to be brought up in the same manner that the rest were. And here is a dish, said the Barmecide, that you will see at nobody’s table but my own; I would have you eat your belly-full of it. Having spoken thus, he stretched out his hand as if he had a piece of lamb in it, and putting it to my brother’s mouth, There, said he, swallow that, and you will judge whether I had not reason to boast of this dish. My brother thrust out his head, opened his mouth, and made as if he took the piece of lamb, and eat it with extreme pleasure. I knew you would like it, said the Barmecide. There is nothing in the world finer, replied my brother; your table is most delicious. --Come, bring the ragout presently; I fancy you will like that as well as you did the lamb. --Well, how do you relish it? said the Barmecide. O! it is wonderful, replied Schacabac; for here we taste all at once, amber, cloves, nutmeg, ginger, pepper, and the most odoriferous herbs; and all these delicacies are so well mixed, that one does not prevent our tasting the other. How pleasant! --Honour this ragout, said the Barmecide, by eating heartily of it. Ho, boy, cried he, bring us a new ragout. --No, my lord, if it please you, replied my brother, for indeed I can eat no more.

Come, take away then, said the Barmecide, and bring the fruit. He staid a moment, as if it were to give time for his servants to carry away; after which, he said to my brother, Taste these almonds; they are good and fresh gathered. Both of them made as if they had peeled the almonds, and eaten them: after this, the Barmecide invited my brother to eat something else. Look you, said he, there are all sorts of fruits, cakes, dry sweetmeats, and conserves; take what you like; then stretching out his hand, as if he had reached my brother something, Look ye, said he, there is a lozenge, very good for digestion. Schacabac made as if he eat it, and said, My lord, there is no want of musk here. --These lozenges, said the Barmecide, are made at my own house, where there is nothing wanting to make every thing good. He still bid my brother eat, and said to him, Methinks you do not eat as if you had been so hungry, as you said when you came in. --My lord, replied Shacabac, whose jaws ached with moving and having nothing to eat, I assure you I am so full that I cannot eat one bit more.

Well then, friend, replied the Barmecide, we must drink now, after we have eat so well. [78] --You may drink wine, my lord, replied my brother; but I will drink none, if you please, because I am forbidden it. --You are too scrupulous, replied the Barmecide; do as I do. --I will drink then out of complaisance, said Shacabac, for I see you will have nothing wanting to make your treat complete: but since I am not accustomed to drink wine, I am afraid I shall commit some error in point of good breeding, and contrary to the respect that is due to you, and therefore I pray you, once more, to excuse me from drinking any wine; I will be content with water. --No, no, said the Barmecide, you shall drink wine: and at the same time he commanded some to be brought, in the same manner as the meat and fruit had been brought before. He made as if he poured out wine, and drank first himself, and then pouring out for my brother, presented him the glass: Drink my health, said he, and let us know if you think this wine good. My brother made as if he took the glass, and looked if the colour was good, and put it to his nose to try if it had a good flavour: then he made a low bow to the Barmecide, to signify that he took the liberty to drink his health; and, lastly, he appeared to drink with all the signs of a man that drinks with pleasure. --My lord, said he, this is very excellent wine, but I think it is not strong enough. --If you would have stronger, said the Barmecide, you need only speak, for I have several sorts in my cellar. --Try how you like this. Upon which he made as if he poured out another glass to himself, and then to my brother; and did this so often, that Schacabac, feigning to be intoxicated with the wine, and acting a drunken man, lifted up his hand, and gave the Barmecide such a box on the ear, as made him fall down: he was going to give him another blow, but the Barmecide holding up his hand to ward it off, cried out, Are you mad? Then my brother, making as if he had come to himself again, said, My lord, you have been so good as to admit your slave into your house, and give him a great treat; you should have been satisfied with making me eat, and not have obliged me to drink wine? for I told you beforehand, that it might occasion me to fail in my respect for you. I am very sorry for it, and beg you a thousand pardons.

Scarce had he finished these words, when the Barmecide, instead of being in a passion, fell a laughing with all his might. It is a long time, said he, that I have been seeking a man of your character.

The Barmecide caressed Schacabac mightily, and told him, I not only forgive the blow you have given me, but I desire henceforward we should be friends, and that you take my house for your home: you have had the complaisance to accommodate yourself to my humour, and the patience to keep the jest up to the last; we will now eat in good earnest. When he had finished these words, he clapped his hands, and commanded his servants, who then appeared, to cover the table; which was speedily done, and my brother was treated with all those dishes in reality, which he ate of before in fancy. At last they cleared the table, and brought in the wine, and at the same time a number of handsome slaves, richly apparelled, came in and sung some agreeable airs to their musical instruments. In a word, Schacabac had all the reason in the world to be satisfied with the Barmecide’s civility and bounty; for he treated him as his familiar friend, and ordered him a suit out of his wardrobe.

The Barmecide found my brother to be a man of so much wit and understanding, that in a few days after, he entrusted him with his household and all his affairs. My brother acquitted himself very well in that employment for twenty years; at the end of which the generous Barmecide died, and leaving no heirs, all his property was confiscated to the use of the prince, and my brother lost all he had acquired: and, being reduced to his first condition, he joined a caravan of pilgrims going to Mecca, designing to accomplish that pilgrimage by their charity: but unfortunately the caravan was attacked and plundered by a number of Bedouins, [79] superior to that of the pilgrims. My brother was then taken as a slave by one of the Bedouins, who put him under the bastinado for several days, to oblige him to ransom himself. Schacabac protested to him, that it was all in vain. I am your slave, said he; you may dispose of me as you please; but I declare to you, that I am extremely poor, and not able to redeem myself. In a word, my brother discovered to him all his misfortunes, and endeavoured to soften him with tears; but the Bedouin was not to be moved, and being vexed to find himself disappointed of a considerable sum which he reckoned himself sure of, he took his knife, and slit my brother’s lips, to avenge himself by this inhumanity for the loss that he thought he had sustained.

The Bedouin had a handsome wife, and frequently when he went on his excursions, he left my brother alone with her, and then she used all her endeavours to comfort my brother under the rigour of his slavery: she gave him tokens enough that she loved him, out he durst not return her passion, for fear he should repent it; and therefore he avoided being alone with her, as much as she sought the opportunity to be alone with him. She had so great a custom of toying and playing with the miserable Schacabac, whenever she saw him, that one day she happened to do it in presence of her husband. My brother, without taking notice that he observed them (so his sins would have it) played likewise with her. The Bedouin immediately supposing that they lived together in a criminal manner, fell upon my brother in a rage, and after he had mutilated him in a barbarous manner, he carried him on a camel to the top of a desert mountain, where he left him. The mountain was on the road to Bagdad, so that the passengers who saw him there informed me where he was. I went thither speedily, and found unfortunate Schacabac in a deplorable condition: I gave him what help he stood in need of, and brought him back to the city.

This is what I told the caliph Monstanser Billah, added the barber; that prince applauded me with new fits of laughter. Now, said he, I cannot doubt but they justly gave you the surname of Silent. Nobody can say the contrary; for certain reasons, however, I command you to depart this town immediately, and let me hear no more of you. I yielded to necessity, and travelled for several years in distant countries. Understanding at last that the caliph was dead, I returned to Bagdad, where I found not one of my brothers alive. It was on my return to this city, that I did the lame young man the important service which you have heard. You are, however, witness of his ingratitude, and of the injurious manner in which he treated me: instead of testifying his obligation, he rather chose to fly from me, and to leave his own country. When I understood that he was not at Bagdad, though nobody could tell me truly whither he was gone, I did not forbear to go and seek him. I travelled from province to province a long time; and when I least expected, I met him this day; but I little thought to find him so incensed against me.

The tailor thus made an end of telling the sultan of Casgar the history of the lame young man and the barber of Bagdad. When the barber, continued he, had finished his story, we found that the young man was not to blame for calling him a great chatterer. However, we wished him to stay with us, and partake of the treat which the master of the house had prepared for us. We sat down to table, and were merry together till afternoon prayers; then all the company parted, and I went to my shop till it was time for me to return home.

It was during this interval, that Hump-back came half drunk before my shop, where he sung and played on his tabor. I thought that by carrying him home with me, I should divert my wife, therefore I brought him in. My wife gave us a dish of fish, and I presented Hump-back with some, which he ate without taking notice of a bone. He fell down dead before us; and after having in vain essayed to help him, in the trouble and fear occasioned by such an unlucky accident we carried the corpse out, and dexterously lodged him with the Jewish doctor. The Jewish doctor put him into the chamber of the purveyor, and the purveyor carried him out into the street, where it was believed the merchant had killed him. This, sir, added the tailor, is what I had to say to satisfy your majesty, who must pronounce, whether we be worthy of mercy or wrath, life or death.

The sultan of Casgar showed a satisfaction in his countenance, which restored the tailor and his comrades to life. I cannot but acknowledge, said he, that I am more struck with the history of the young cripple, with that of the barber, and with the adventures of his brothers, than with the story of my jester: but before I send you all four away, and before we bury Humpback, I should like to see the barber who is the cause that I have pardoned you; since he is in my capital, it is easy to satisfy my curiosity. At the same time he sent an officer with the tailor to find him.