Chapter VI: Act V: Scene I

_Enter a_ LAD, _a servant of_ HEGIO.

LAD. May Jupiter and the Deities confound you, Ergasilus, and your stomach, and all Parasites, and _every one_ who henceforth shall give a dinner to Parasites. Destruction and devastation _and_ ruin have just now entered our house. I was afraid that he would be making an attack on me, as though he had been an hungry wolf. And very dreadfully, upon my faith, was I frightened at him; he made such a gnashing with his teeth. On his arrival, the whole larder, with the meat, he turned upside down. He seized a knife, and first cut off the kernels of the neck [1] from three sides. All the pots and cups he broke, except those that held a couple of gallons [2]; of the cook he made enquiry whether the salting pans could _be set on the fire_ to be made hot. All the cellars in the house he has broken into, and has laid the store-closet [3] open. (_At the door._) Watch him, servants, if you please; I'll go to meet the old gentleman. I'll tell him to get ready some provisions for his own self, if, indeed, he wishes himself to make use of any. For in this place, as this man, indeed, is managing, either there's nothing already, or very soon there will be nothing. (_Exit._

[Footnote 1: _The kernels of the neck_)--Ver. 920. The "glandia" were the kernels or tonsils of the throat, situate just below the root of the tongue. These portions of the dead pig seem to have been much prized as delicate eating. Judging from the present passage, the whole side of the pig, including the half-head, was salted and dried in one piece: The first thing that the Parasite does, is to cut the kernels from off of three sides, which he has relieved from the punishment of hanging.]

[Footnote 2: _A couple of gallons_)--Ver. 921. "Modiales." Literally, containing a "modius," which contained sixteen sextarii, something more than a peck of dry-measure English.]

[Footnote 3: _The store-closet_)--Ver. 923. "Armarium" was to called because it was originally a place for keeping arms. It afterwards came to signify a cupboard in a wall, in which clothes, books, money, and other articles of value, were placed. It was generally in the "atrium," or principal room of the house. In this instance it evidently means the store-closet, distinguished from the larder and the]

SCENE II.--_Enter_ HEGIO, PHILOPOLEMUS, PHILOCRATES, _and behind them_, STALAGMUS.

HEG. To Jove and to the Deities I return with reason hearty thanks, inasmuch as they have restored you to your father, and inasmuch as they have delivered me from very many afflictions, which, while I was obliged to be here without you, I was enduring, and inasmuch as I see that that _fellow_ (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS) is in my power, and inasmuch as his word (_pointing to_ PHILOCRATES) has been found true to me.

PHILOP. Enough now have I grieved from my very soul, and enough with care and tears have I disquieted myself. Enough now have I heard of your woes, which at the harbour you told me of. Let us now to this business.

PHIL. What now, since I've kept my word with you, and have caused him to be restored back again to freedom?

HEG. Philocrates, you have acted so that I can never return you thanks enough, in the degree that you merit from myself and my son.

PHILOP. Nay, but you can, father, and you will be able, and I shall be able; and the Divinities will give the means for you to return the kindness he merits to one who deserves so highly of us; as, my father, you are able to do to this person who so especially deserves it.

HEG. What need is there of words? I have no tongue with which to deny whatever you may ask _of me_.

PHIL. I ask of you to restore to me that servant whom I left here as a surety for myself; who has always proved more faithful to me than to himself; in order that for his services I may be enabled to give him a reward.

HEG. Because you have acted _thus_ kindly, the favour shall be returned, the thing that you ask; both that and anything else that you shall ask of me, you shall obtain. And I would not have you blame me, because in my anger I have treated him harshly.

PHIL. What have you done? HEG. I confined him in fetters at the stone-quarries, when I found out that I had been imposed upon.

PHIL. Ah wretched me! That for my safety misfortunes should have happened to that best of men.

HEG. Now, on this account, you need not give me even _one_ groat of silver [1] for him. Receive him of me without cost that he may be free.

PHIL. On my word, Hegio, you act with kindness; but I entreat that you will order _this_ man to be sent for.

HEG. Certainly. (_To the attendants, who immediately obey._) Where are you? Go this instant, _and_ bring Tyndarus here. (To PHILOPOLEMUS and PHILOCRATES.) Do you go in-doors; in the meantime, I wish to enquire of this statue for whipping [2], what was done with my younger son. Do you go bathe in the meantime.

PHILOP. Philocrates, follow me this way in-doors.

PHIL. I follow you. (_They go into the house._)

[Footnote 1: _One groat of silver_)--Ver. 952. "Libella" was the name of the smallest silver coin with the Romans, being the tenth part of a denarius. Hegio seems to make something of a favour of this, and to give his liberty to Tyndarus in consideration of his punishment; whereas he had originally agreed with Philocrates that, if Philopolemus was liberated, both he and Tyndarus should be set at liberty.]

[Footnote 2: _This statue for whipping_)--Ver. 956. The same expression occurs in the Pseudolus, I. 911.]

SCENE III.--HEGIO _and_ STALAGMUS.

HEG. Come you, step this way, you worthy fellow, my fine slave.

STAL. What is fitting for me to do, when you, such a man as you are, are speaking false? I was never a handsome _or_ a fine, _or_ a good person, _or_ an honest one, nor shall I ever be; assuredly, don't you be forming any hopes that I shall be honest.

HEG. You easily understand pretty well in what situation your fortunes are. If you shall prove truth-telling, you'll make your lot from bad somewhat better. Speak out, _then_, correctly and truthfully; but never yet truthfully or correctly have you acted.

STAL. Do you think that I'm ashamed to own it, when you affirm it?

HEG. But I'll make you to be ashamed; for I'll cause you to be blushes all over [1].

STAL. Heyday--you're threatening stripes, I suppose, to me, _quite_ unaccustomed to them! Away with them, I beg. Tell me what you bring, that you may carry off hence what you are in want of.

HEG. Very fluent _indeed_. But now I wish this prating to be cut short.

STAL. As you desire, so be it done.

HEG. (_to the_ AUDIENCE). As a boy he was very obedient [2]; now that suits him not. Let's to this business; now give your attention, and inform me upon what I ask. If you tell the truth, you'll make your fortunes somewhat better.

STAL. That's _mere_ trifling. Don't you think that I know what I'm deserving of?

HEG. Still, it is in your power to escape a small portion of it, if not the whole.

STAL. A small portion I shall escape, I know; but much will befall me, and with my deserving it, because I both ran away, and stole your son and sold him.

HEG. To what person? STAL. To Theodoromedes the Polyplusian, in Elis, for six minae.

HEG. O ye immortal Gods! He surely is the father of this person, Philocrates.

STAL. Why, I know him better than yourself, and have seen him more times.

HEG. Supreme Jove, preserve both myself and my son for me. (_He goes to the door, and calls aloud._) Philocrates, by your _good_ Genius, I do entreat you, come out, I want you.

[Footnote 1: _Be blushes all over_)--Ver. 967. He means that he will have him flogged until he is red all over.]

[Footnote 2: _Was very obedient_)--Ver. 971. An indelicate remark is covertly intended in this passage.]

SCENE IV.--_Enter_ PHILOCRATES, _from the house._

PHIL. Hegio, here am I; if you want anything of me, command me.

HEG. He (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS) declares that he sold my son to your father, in Elis, for six minae.

PHIL. (to STALAGMUS). How long since did that happen?

STAL. This is the twentieth year, commencing _from it_.

PHIL. He is speaking falsely. STAL. Either I or you _do_. Why, your father gave you the little child, of four years old, to be your own slave.

PHIL. What was his name? If you are speaking the truth, tell me that, then.

STAL. Paegnium, he used to be called; afterwards, you gave him the name of Tyndarus.

PHIL. Why don't I recollect you? STAL. Because it's the fashion for persons to forget, and not to know him whose favour is esteemed as worth nothing.

PHIL. Tell me, was he the person whom you sold to my father, who was given me for my private service?

STAL. _It was_ his son (_pointing to_ HEGIO).

HEG. Is this person now living? STAL. I received the money. I cared nothing about the rest.

HEG. (_to_ PHILOCRATES). What do you say?

PHIL. Why, this very Tyndarus is your son, according, indeed, to the proofs that he mentions. For, a boy _himself_ together with me from boyhood was he brought up, virtuously and modestly, even to manhood.

HEG. I am both unhappy and happy, if you are telling the truth. Unhappy for this reason, because, if he is my son, I have badly treated him. Alas! why have I done both more and less than was his due. That I have ill treated him I am grieved; would that it only could be undone. But see, he's coming here, in a guise not according to his deserts.

SCENE V.--_Enter_ TYNDARUS, _in chains, led in by the_ SERVANTS.

TYND. (_to himself_). I have seen many of the torments which take place at Acheron [1] often represented in paintings [2]; but most certainly there is no Acheron equal to where I have been in the stone-quarries. There, in fine, is the place where real lassitude must be undergone by the body in laboriousness. For when I came there, just as either jackdaws, or ducks, or quails, are given to Patrician children [3], for them to play with, so in like fashion, when I arrived, a crow was given [4] me with which to amuse myself. But see, my master's before the door; and lo! my other master has returned from Elis.

HEG. Hail to you, my much wished-for son.

TYND. Ha! how--my son? Aye, aye, I know why you pretend yourself to be the father, and me to be the son; _it is_ because, just as parents do, you give me the means of seeing the light[5].

PHIL. Hail to you, Tyndarus. TYND. And to you, for whose sake I am enduring these miseries.

PHIL. But now I'll make you in freedom come to wealth. For (_pointing to_ HEGIO) this is your father; (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS) that is the slave who stole you away from here when four years old, _and_ sold you to my father for six minae. He gave you, when a little child, to me a little child, for my own service. He (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS). has made a confession, for we have brought him back from Elis.

TYND. How, where's _Hegio's_ son? PHIL. Look _now_; in-doors is your own brother.

TYND. How do you say? Have you brought that captive son of his?

PHIL. Why, he's in-doors, I say.

TYND. By my faith, you're done both well and happily.

PHIL. (_pointing to_ HEGIO). Now this is your own father; (_pointing to_ STALAGMUS) this is the thief who stole you when a little child.

TYND. But now, grown up, I shall give him grown up to the executioner for his thieving.

PHIL. He deserves it. TYND. I' faith, I'll deservedly give him the reward that he deserves. (_To_ HEGIO.) But tell me I pray you, are you my father?

HEG, I am he, my son. TYND. Now, at length, I bring it to my recollection, when I reconsider with myself: troth, I do now at last recall to memory that I had heard, as though through a mist, that my father was called Hegio.

HEG. I am he. PHIL. I pray that your son may be lightened of these fetters, and this slave be loaded with them.

HEG. I'm resolved that that shall be the first thing attended to. Let's go in-doors, that the blacksmith may be sent for, in order that I may remove those fetters from you, and give them to him. (_They go into the house._)

STAL. To one who has no savings _of his own_, you'll be rightly doing so [6].

_The_ COMPANY _of_ PLAYERS _coming forward._

Spectators, this play is founded on chaste manners. No wenching is there in this, and no intriguing, no exposure of a child, no cheating out of money; and no young man in love here make his mistress free without his father's knowledge. The Poets find but few Comedies [7] of this kind, where good men might become better. Now, if it pleases you, and if we have pleased you, and have not been tedious, do you give this sign _of it_: you who wish that chaste manners should have their reward, give _us_ your applause.

[Footnote 1: _At Acheron_)--Ver. 1003. He here speaks of Acheron, not as one of the rivers of hell, but as the infernal regions themselves.]

[Footnote 2: _Represented in paintings_)--Ver. 1003 Meursius thinks that the torments of the infernal regions were frequently represented in pictures, for the purpose of deterring men from evil actions, by keeping in view the certain consequences of their bad conduct.]

[Footnote 3: _To Patrician children_)--Ver. 1007. This passage is confirmed by what Pliny the Younger tells us in his Second Epistle. He says, that on the death of the son of Regulus, his father, in his grief, caused his favourite ponies and dogs, with his nightingales, parrots, and jackdaws, to be consumed on the funeral pile. It would certainly have been a greater compliment to his son's memory had he preserved them, and treated them kindly; but probably he intended to despatch them as playthings for the child in the other world.]

[Footnote 4: _A crow was given_)--Ver. 1009. "Upupa." He puns upon the twofold meaning of this word, which signified either "a mattock" or a bird called a "hoopoe," according to the context. To preserve the spirit of the pun, a somewhat different translation has been given.]

[Footnote 5: _Of seeing the light_)--Ver. 1013. He says, "You can only resemble a parent in the fact that you have given me the opportunity of seeing the light of day, by taking me out of the dark stone-quarries."]

[Footnote 6: _Be rightly doing so_)--Ver. 1033. Stalagmus chooses to take the word "dem" "may give," used by Hegio in its literal sense, and surlily replies, "I have nothing of my own by way of savings, 'peculium,' so I am the very person to whom you ought to give."]

[Footnote 7: _Find but few Comedies_)--Ver. 1038. He here confesses that he does not pretend to frame the plots of his Plays himself, but that he goes to Greek sources for them; and forgetting that "beggars most not be choosers," he complains that so very few of the Greek Comedies are founded upon chaste manners. Indeed, this Play is justly deemed the most pure and innocent of all the Plays of Plautus; and the Company are quite justified in the commendations which, in their Epilogue, they bestow on it, as the author has carried out the premise which he made in the Prologue (with only four slight exceptions), of presenting them with an immaculate Play.]

MOSTELLARIA OR, THE HAUNTED HOUSE.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

THEUROPIDES, a merchant of Athens.
SIMO, an aged Athenian, his neighbour.
PHILOLACHES, son of Theuropides.
CALLIDAMATES, a young Athenian, friend of Philolaches.
TRANIO, servant of Philolaches.
GRUMIO, servant of Theuropides.
PHANISCUS, servant of Callidamates.
ANOTHER SERVANT of Callidamates.
A BANKER.
A BOY.
PHILEMATIUM, a music-girl, mistress of Philolaches.
SCAPHA, her attendant.
DELPHIUM, mistress of Callidamates.

_Scene_--Athens: before the houses of THEUROPIDES and SIMO.

MOSTELLARIA [1] OR, THE HAUNTED HOUSE.

[Footnote 1: _Mottellaria_) This is a word probably derived from "mostellum," the diminutive of "monstrum," a "spectre" or "prodigy." It was probably coined by Plautus to serve as the title of this Play, which is called by several of the ancient Commentators by the name of "Phasma," "the Apparition."]

THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT. [Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.]

PHILOLACHES has given liberty to (_Manumisit_) his mistress who has been bought _by him_, and he consumes all (_Omnem_) his substance in the absence of his father. When he returns, Tranio deceives the old man (_Senem_); he says that frightful (_Terrifica_) apparitions have been seen in the house, and (_Et_) that at once they had removed from it. A Usurer, greedy of gain (_Lucripeta_), comes up in the meantime, asking for the interest _of some money_, and again the old man is made sport of (_Lusus_) for the _servant_ says that a deposit for a house which has been bought has been taken up (_Acceptum_) on loan. _The old man_ enquires (_Requirit_) which it is; he says that of the neighbour next door. He then looks over (_Inspectat_) it. Afterwards he is vexed that he has been laughed at; still by (_Ab_) the companion of his son he is _finally_ appeased.