Chapter III: Ye Disposition & Economy of Master Hewet's House

My Master's House had six Stories, the lowest of which was sixty Feet above the River. First came the Kitchen, which, being partly sunk in the Arch, might, if not in a Bridge, have been counted parcel-underground. It had a Casement just over the Key-stone, and no thorough Draught; the Larder being a Lean-to or Afterthought, stuck outside like a Bird's Nest against the Wall. Level with the Strete lay the Shop, with a small Ware-room or Writing-closet adjoining; and, behind it, three Steps above it by Reason of the Kitchen beneath, the common Sitting-room, overlooking the River. A narrow, steep Stair led to the Floor above, which had Mistress _Fraunces's_ Sleeping-chamber, wherein lay Mistress _Anne_, over the Shop, and a Summer-parlour, which for that it had a Balcony over the River, commonly went by the Name of the Balcony Room. It was hung with blue Buckram; and, by Reason of its Pleasantness, Mistress _Fraunces_ made it her chief Sitting-room, while Mistress _Anne_ played with her Dolls. Also there was a Closet wherein lay _Tib_. Above this was a large Chamber that covered the whole Floor from Front to Back, with a Window at either End; and, because of its projecting and overlapping the Floor below, was sundry Feet the longer: this Room was wonderful pleasant, and commonly called the Green Lattice, or Lattice-room, from having a large green Lattice that overlooked the _Thames_. In my Master's early married Days, which he was wont to say had been, like those of many a young Husband, his poorest and happiest, he had been glad to let off this Chamber to a Lodger.—His Father dying, and leaving him Money, he left the retail for wholesale Business, gave up his Lodger, and used the best Chamber himself; but with Wealth came, as usual, a Counterpoise: his Wife died untimely in this same Chamber; whereon he conceived a Dislike of it; and Mistress _Fraunces_ then coming to reside with him and occupying his old Quarters, he mounted up to the fourth Story, to a Room that o'erlooked the Strete. Above this was _Tomkins_' Attick, and, last of all, our Loft. The Wind whistled fearsomely up there, o' Nights, and made the Walls rock round us; not that there was often any one wakeful enough to mind it.

In the Green Lattice, though unoccupied, there stood a carven Oak Bed, with dark green Hangings, lined with yellow Fustian, and Linen a Miracle for Whiteness, ready for any chance Guest. I thought, boy-like, as I glanced in, passing up and down, 'twas fit for the Sleeping Beauty to lie in during her Trance of a hundred Years. There was a great Jar of dead Rose-leaves, that smelt rarely; and I always had the Notion they had been gathered by Mistress _Anne's_ Mother. I wondered, with a strange yet pleasing Awe, whether her Ghost ever walked here, now that her little Girl passed Hours in the Room by herself, singing over her Dolls; and thought it might perhaps steal softly in and keep about her when we little wisted.

_Tib_, the Cook, made and kept but few Friends. She was turned of Forty, and had a notable scorched Face, that looked like a Kitchen Fire. Also she was a Woman of much Thirst, both for Ale and News; and would have been counted a notable cleanly Woman, had she not been so dirty. For Example, she would set the House afloat with Bucketfuls of cold Water, till only _Noah's_ Dove could have found Rest for the Sole of its Foot; and yet, the next Minute, would fling a Tub-full of Dish-water straight into the River, on the Heads of any Passengers that might hap to be shooting the Arch. She got into Trouble, once or twice, for this.

Now, when I fell into my daily Course, Part of my Time was spent under the Eye of my Master, and within hearing of his pleasant Talk, Part in running about the Town, and Part with _Tomkins_; so that I was happy from Morning to Night. For, _Miles_ not being fond of waiting upon the poor lame Journeyman, I made it a Labour of Love; and he, being a tender-spirited Man, very sensitive to small Kindnesses, took hugely to me, as I shortly did to him. He had a busy Mind that was always at Work, and his Occupation leaving him much Leisure for Headwork, he was always chewing the Cud upon this or that Problem he had conned at odd Minutes out of his old Books, or brooding upon Mysteries that were harder to crack, and less safe for an unlearned Man to meddle with. Also he had a mechanical Turn, which he exercised at what he called his Play Hours, thereby only exchanging one hard Work for another; but he was so fond of it that I was always glad to see his little File and Pincers in his Hand. Thus it came to pass, that he never cared to stir from his Attick into the World beneath, (though I found, afterwards, he generally contrived to creep out somewhere on Sundays when we were all in Church,) for, he said, Air he had plenty of, Exercise was a Misery to him, and as for Company, had he not all he cared for, already? A few kind Words from Master _Hewet_, continual Chat with me, a bright Glimpse of Mistress _Anne_, and a Visit now and then from Mistress _Fraunces_, were all he had and all he liked. For Mistress _Fraunces_ he had a wonderful Respect and even Admiration; commending her gentle Temper, womanly Carriage, and pleasant Voice; and bidding me note, (which I did on his naming,) that she had, for her Years, the finest Hand that a Woman was ever graced with. I said I wondered she had never married. He said, "Aye, indeed, what can the Men have been about?" with a little Smile that I did not feel to be quite respectful; and I wondered that even the gentle _Tomkins_ must have his Fling at single Women.

Mistress _Fraunces_ was used to accompany my Master to the Hall Dinners; indeed, being a Sister of the Company, she was liable to a Fine if she did not, except by Reason of Illness. However, now and then, she stayed away; and then, when my Master returned, she would ask him with great Interest what had been served up; and, being a shrewd Marketer, would price each Item as he went along: thus,—

"Well, Brother, and what did you have to-day?"

"Why," saith he, "there was a Porpoise, to begin with."

"A Porpoise!" then cries she, "oh! what a nasty coarse Fish! They are seldom or never now seen at Table. Well, what else?"

"Two Congers and two Turbot."

"Ah! of course, Nobody would touch the Porpoise. Congers, the largest in _Wetfishmongersrow_, six Shillings each, this Morning. Turbots, three—eighteen. Well?"

"Sirloin of Beef—Half a Veal—a standing Coney with a blue Ribbon round his Neck."

"Hold, Brother, not so fast. Beef, we all know, is a Penny a Pound—we thank King _Harry_ for that. I saw Half a Veal to-day at Half-a-crown."

"Two dozens Pigeons."

"Two Shillings."

"Some of your _French_ Kickshaws—'_Pettiz Birds rostez_.' ... And '_pain-puffe avec un cold bakemeat_.'"

"We have that every Sabbath," quod she, dryly, "without its fine Name. I suppose you had Sweets."

"Oh, yes; _Leche Lombard_; Pears _en serop_; Fritters, Doucettes, and _une grande Custard_."

"Come," saith she, "that was pretty well—enough, and no Profusion. But the Porpoise spoiled all. And they might have given you a Swan instead of a Coney. But stay; had you no _Mortreuse_?"

"No _Mortreuse_."

"Out on it!" quod she, "then I would not have given a Fig for your Feast. There's nothing you had, that we can't have at Home, save Mortreuse: I shall not rest till I know how to make it."

At this Time, every one in their House seemed, according to their several Dispositions, peaceful and happy; e'en _Tib_, after her Manner, whether eating a plentiful Meal, setting the House afloat, stretching forth of the Kitchen Window in the full Tide of Gossip with the Maid next Door, or hemming a Lockram Pinner. She and _Miles_ were Friends to-day, Foes to-morrow. One Minute, she would be giving him a Sop-in-the-pan; the next, basting him with the Ladle. One Day, because he had soiled her fresh-scoured Floor with his muddy Shoes, she protested he should clean it; they had a real, earnest Fight, which a Man should be above having with a Woman;—and he pulled out a Lock of her red Hair, a small one,—which she snatched up from the Floor and pocketed, saying she would shew it to Mistress _Fraunces_. Howbeit, she did not.

I affected a quieter Companion in the Attick; and one not without his Teaching, for he was letterish after his Fashion, and had been in _Paul's_ School. And, among his much used Books, there was _Lilly's_ Grammar, and even _Prudentius_ and _Lactantius_; and another, in his Eyes worth all the Rest, calling it "real Literature," and the others "mere Blotterature," a Joke of old Dean _Colet's_. This precious Volume looked to me mighty dull, being full of algebraic Signs; but he earned many a Headache over it, and gave me a Headache too, sometimes, in trying to help him.

Pleasant Hours those were! in that quiet Attick, with the _Thames_ trembling in silver Light far below, while the Watermen clave it with their Oars to the mellow Song of "Heave ho, rumbelow!" and "Row the Boat, _Norman_!" The Blackbird sang as cheerily as if he were in the green Woods of _Kent_; and ever and anon the pretty Laugh of Mistress _Anne_ would be heard from the Green Lattice, or she would peep in and say, "Have a Cake, _Edward_?" "Have a Cherry?" and leave her little Gift and run away.