Chapter XXVII: Act THE FOURTH: Scene I

_Enter MYRRHINA, from her house._

MYR. I am undone! What am I to do? which way turn myself? In my wretchedness, what answer am I to give to my husband? For he seems to have heard the voice of the child when crying, so suddenly did he rush in to my daughter without saying a word. What if he comes to know that she has been delivered? for what reason I am to say I kept it concealed, upon my faith I do not know. But there’s a noise at the door; I believe it is himself coming out to me: I’m utterly undone!

SCENE II.

_Enter PHIDIPPUS, from the house._

PHID. (_to himself._) My wife, when she saw me going to my daughter, betook herself out of the house: and look, there she is. (_Addressing her._) What have you to say, Myrrhina? Hark you! to you I speak.

MYR. What, to me, my husband?

PHID. Am I your husband? Do you consider me a husband, or a man, in fact? For, woman, if I had ever appeared to you to be either of these, I should not in this way have been held in derision by your doings.

MYR. By what {doings}?

PHID. Do you ask the question? Is not your daughter brought to bed? Eh, are you silent? By whom?

MYR. Is it proper for a father to be asking such a question? Oh, shocking! By whom do you think, pray, except by him to whom she was given in marriage?

PHID. I believe it; nor indeed is it for a father to think otherwise. But I wonder much what the reason can be for which you so very much wish all of us to be in ignorance of the truth, especially when she has been delivered properly, and at the right time.[50] That you should be of a mind so perverse as to prefer that the child should perish, through which you might be sure that hereafter there would be a friendship more lasting between us, rather than that, at the expense of your feelings, his wife should continue with him! I supposed this to be their fault, while {in reality} it lies with you.

MYR. I am an unhappy creature!

PHID. I wish I were sure that so it was; but now it recurs to my mind what you once said about this matter, when we accepted him as {our} son-in-law. For you declared that you could not endure your daughter to be married to a person who was attached to a courtesan, {and} who spent his nights away from home.

MYR. (_aside._) Any cause whatever I had rather he should suspect than the right one.

PHID. I knew much sooner than you did, Myrrhina, that he kept a mistress; but this I never considered a crime in young men; for it is natural to them all. For, i’ faith, the time will soon come when even he will be disgusted with himself {for doing so}. But just as you formerly showed yourself, you have never ceased to be the same up to the present time; in order that you might withdraw your daughter from him, and that what I did might not hold good, one thing itself now plainly proves how far you wished it carried out.

MYR. Do you suppose that I am so willful that I could have entertained such feelings toward one whose mother I am, if this match had been to our advantage?

PHID. Can you possibly foresee or judge what is to our advantage? You have heard it of some one, perhaps, who has told you that he has seen him coming from or going to his mistress. What then? If he has done so with discretion, and but occasionally, is it not more kind in us to conceal our knowledge of it, than to do our best to be aware of it, in consequence of which he will detest us? For if he could all at once have withdrawn himself from her with whom he had been intimate for so many years, I should not have deemed him a man, or likely to prove a constant husband for our daughter.

MYR. Do have done about the young man, I pray; and what you say I’ve been guilty of. Go away, meet him by yourself; ask him whether he wishes to have her as a wife or not; if so it is that he should say he does wish it, {why}, send her {back}; but if on the other hand he does not wish it, I have taken the best course for my {child}.

PHID. And suppose he does not wish it, and you, Myrrhina, knew him to be in fault; {still} I was at hand, by whose advice it was proper for these matters to be settled; therefore I am greatly offended that you have presumed to act thus without my leave. I forbid you to attempt to carry the child any where out of this house. But I am very foolish to be expecting her to obey my orders. I’ll go in-doors, and charge the servants to allow it to be carried out nowhere. (_Goes into the house._)

SCENE III.

_MYRRHINA, alone._

MYR. Upon my faith, I do believe that there is no woman living more wretched than I; for how he would take it, if he came to know the real state of the case, i’ faith, is not unknown to me, when he bears this, which is of less consequence, with such angry feelings; and I know not in what way his sentiments can possibly be changed. Out of very many misfortunes, this one evil alone had been wanting to me, for him to compel me to rear a child of whom we know not who is the father; for when my daughter was ravished, it was so dark that his person could not be distinguished, nor was any thing taken from him on the occasion by which it could be afterward discovered who he was. He, on leaving her, took away from the girl, by force, a ring which[51] she had upon her finger. I am afraid, too, of Pamphilus, that he may be unable any longer to conceal what I have requested, when he learns that the child of another is being brought up as his. (_Goes into the house._)

SCENE IV.

_Enter SOSTRATA and PAMPHILUS._

SOS. It is not unknown to me, my son, that I am suspected by you as the cause of your wife having left our house in consequence of my conduct; although you carefully conceal your knowledge of it. But so may the Gods prosper me, and so may you answer all my hopes, I have never knowingly deserved that hatred of me should with reason possess her; and while I thought before that you loved me, on that point you have confirmed my belief: for in-doors your father has just now related to me in what way you have preferred me to your passion. Now it is my determination to return you the favor, that you may understand that with me lies the reward of your affection. My Pamphilus, I think that this is expedient both for yourselves and my own reputation. I have finally resolved to retire hence into the country with your father, that my presence may not be an obstacle, and that no pretense may remain why your Philumena should not return to you.

PAM. Pray, what sort of resolution is this? Driven away by her folly, would you be removing from the city to live in the country? You shall not do {so}; and I will not permit, mother, any one who may wish to censure us, to say that this has been done through my perverseness, {and} not your inclination. Besides, I do not wish you, for my sake, to forego your friends and relations, and festive days.[52]

SOS. Upon my word, these things afford me no pleasure now. While my time of life permitted it, I enjoyed them enough; satiety of that mode of life has now taken possession of me: this is at present my chief concern, that the length of my life may prove an annoyance to no one, or that he may look forward with impatience to my death.[53] Here I see that, without deserving it, I am disliked; it is time for {me} to retire. Thus, in the best way, I imagine, I shall cut short all grounds {of discontent} with all; I shall both free myself from suspicion, and shall be pleasing them. Pray, let me avoid this reproach, which so generally attaches on women to their disadvantage.

PAM. (_aside._) How happy am I in other respects, were it not for this one thing alone, in having such a {good} mother, and her for my wife!

SOS. Pray, my Pamphilus, can you not, seeing how each woman is, prevail upon yourself to put up with one matter of inconvenience? If every thing else is according to your wish, and such as I take it to be-- my son, do grant me this indulgence, {and} take her back.

PAM. Alas! wretched me!

SOS. And me as well; for this affair does not cause me less sorrow than you, my son.

SCENE V.

_Enter LACHES._

LACH. While standing just by here, I have heard, wife, the conversation you have been holding with him. It is true wisdom to be enabled to govern the feelings whenever there is necessity; to do at the present moment what may perhaps, in the end, be necessary to be done.

SOS. Good luck to it, i’troth.

LACH. Retire then into the country; there I will bear with you, and you with me.

SOS. I hope so, i’faith.

LACH. Go in-doors then, and get together the things that are to be taken with you. I have {now} said it.

SOS. I’ll do as you desire. (_Goes into the house._)

PAM. Father!

LACH. What do you want, Pamphilus?

PAM. My mother go away? By no means.

LACH. Why would you have it so?

PAM. Because I am as yet undetermined what I shall do about my wife.

LACH. How is that? What should you intend to do but bring her home?

PAM. For my part, I could like, and can hardly forbear it; but I shall not alter my design; that which is most advantageous I shall pursue; I suppose (_ironically_) that they will be better reconciled, in consequence, if I shall take her back.

LACH. You can not tell. But it matters nothing to you which they do when she has gone away. {Persons of} this age are disliked by young people; it is right {for us} to withdraw from the world; in fine, we are now a {nice} by-word. We are, Pamphilus, “the old man and the old woman.”[54] But I see Phidippus coming out just at the time; let’s accost him.

SCENE VI.

_Enter PHIDIPPUS, from his house._

PHID. (_speaking at the door to PHILUMENA, within._) Upon my faith, I am angry with you too, Philumena, extremely so, for, on my word, you have acted badly; still there is an excuse for you in this matter; your mother forced you to it; but for her there is none.

LACH. (_accosting him._) Phidippus, you meet me at a lucky moment, just at the very time.

PHID. What’s the matter?

PAM. (_aside._) What answer shall I make them, or in what manner keep this secret?

LACH. (_to PHIDIPPUS._) Tell your daughter that Sostrata is going into the country, that she may not now be afraid of returning home.

PHID. Alas! your wife has been guilty of no fault in this affair; all this {mischief} has originated in my wife Myrrhina.

PAM. (_aside._) They are changing sides.

PHID. ’Tis she that causes our disturbances, Laches.

PAM. (_aside._) So long as I don’t take her back, let her cause as much disturbance as she pleases.

PHID. I, Pamphilus, could really wish, if it were possible, this alliance between us to be lasting; but if you are otherwise inclined, {still} take the child.[55]

PAM. (_aside._) He has discovered that she has been brought to bed. I’m undone!

LACH. The child! What child?

PHID. We have had a grandson born to us; for my daughter was removed from you in a state of pregnancy, and yet never before this day did I know that she was pregnant.

LACH. So may the Gods prosper me, you bring good tidings, and I am glad a child has been born, and that she is safe: but what {kind of} woman have you for a wife, or of what sort of a temper, that we should have been kept in ignorance of this so long? I can not sufficiently express how disgraceful this conduct appears to me.

PHID. This conduct does not vex me less than yourself, Laches.

PAM. (_aside._) Even if it had just now been a matter of doubt to me, it is so no longer, since the child of another man is to accompany her.

LACH. Pamphilus, there is no room now for deliberation for you in this matter.

PAM. (_aside._) I’m undone!

LACH. (_to PAMPHILUS._) We were often longing to see the day on which there should be one to call you father; it has come to pass. I return thanks to the Gods.

PAM. (_aside._) I am ruined!

LACH. Take home your wife, and don’t oppose my will.

PAM. Father, if she had wished to have children by me, or to continue to be my wife, I am quite certain she would not have concealed from me what I find she has concealed. Now, as I find that her mind is estranged from me, and think that there would be no agreement between us in future, why should I take her back?

LACH. The young woman has done what her mother persuaded her. Is that to be wondered at? Do you suppose you can find any woman who is free from fault? Or is it that men have no failings?

PHID. Do you yourselves now consider, Laches, and you, Pamphilus, whether it is most advisable for you to leave her or take her back. What your wife may do, is not in my control. Under neither circumstance will you meet with any difficulty from me. But what are we to do with the child?

LACH. You do ask an absurd question; whatever happens, send him back his {child} of course, that we may bring it up as ours.

PAM. (_in a low voice._) A child which the father has abandoned, am I to rear?

LACH. What was it you said? How-- not rear it, Pamphilus? Prithee, are we to expose it, in preference? What madness is this? Really, I can not now be silent any longer. For you force me to say in his presence (_pointing to PHIDIPPUS_) what I would rather not. Do you suppose I am in ignorance {of the cause} of your tears, or what it is on account of which you are perplexed to this degree? In the first place, when you alleged as a reason, that, on account of your mother, you could not have your wife at home, she promised that she would leave the house. Now, since you see this pretext as well taken away from you, because a child has been born without your knowledge, you have got another. You are mistaken if you suppose that I am ignorant of your feelings. That at last you might prevail upon your feelings to take this step, how long a period for loving a mistress did I allow you! With what patience did I bear the expense you were at in keeping her! I remonstrated with you and entreated you to take a wife. I said that it was time: by my persuasion you married. What you then did in obedience to me, you did as became you. Now again you have set your fancy upon a mistress, and, to gratify her, you do an injury to the other as well. For I see plainly that you have once more relapsed into the same course of life.

PAM. What, I?

LACH. Your own self, and you act unjustly therein. You feign false grounds for discord, that you may live with her when you have got rid of this witness {of your actions}; your wife has perceived it too; for what other reason had she for leaving you?

PHID. (_to himself._) It’s clear he guesses right; for that must be it.

PAM. I will give you my oath that none of these is the reason.

LACH. Oh take home your wife, or tell me why you should not.

PAM. It is not the time at present.

LACH. Take the child, for surely that is not in fault; I will consider about the mother afterward.

PAM. (_apart._) In every way I am wretched, and what to do I know not; with so many troubles is my father now besetting wretched me on every side. I’ll go away from here, since I avail but little by my presence. For without my consent, I do not believe that they will bring up the child, especially as on that point my mother-in-law will second me. (_Exit speedily._

SCENE VII.

_LACHES and PHIDIPPUS._

LACH. (_to PAMPHILUS._) Do you run away? What, and give me no distinct answer? (_To PHIDIPPUS._) Does he seem to you to be in his senses? Let him alone. Phidippus, give me the child; I’ll bring it up.

PHID. By all means. No wonder if my wife has taken this amiss: women are resentful; they do not easily put up with such things. Hence that anger of hers, for she herself told me of it; I would not mention this to you in his presence, and at first I did not believe her; but now it is true beyond a doubt; for I see that his feelings are altogether averse to marriage.

LACH. What am I to do, then, Phidippus? What advice do you give?

PHID. What are you to do? I am of opinion that first we ought to go to this mistress of {his}. Let us use entreaties with her; {then} let us rebuke her; and at last, let us very seriously threaten her, if she gives him any encouragement in future.

LACH. I will do as you advise. (_Turning to an ATTENDANT._) Ho, there, boy! run to the house of Bacchis here, our neighbor; desire her, in my name, to come hither. (_Exit ATTENDANT._) And you, I further entreat, to give me your assistance in this affair.

PHID. Well, I have already said, and I now say again to the same effect, Laches, I wish this alliance between us to continue, if by any means it possibly may, which I trust will be the case. But should you like[56] me to be with you while you meet her?

LACH. Why yes; but first go and get some one as a nurse for the child. (_Exit PHIDIPPUS._

SCENE VIII.

_Enter BACCHIS, attended by her WOMEN._

BACCH. (_to her WOMEN._) It is not for nothing that Laches now desires to speak with me; and, i’ faith, I am not very far from mistaken in making a guess what it is he wants me for.

LACH. (_to himself._) I must take care that I don’t, through anger, miss gaining in this quarter what I {otherwise} might, and that I don’t do any thing which hereafter it would have been better I had not done. I’ll accost her. (_Accosts her._) Bacchis, good-morrow to you!

BACCH. Good-morrow to you, Laches!

LACH. Troth, now, Bacchis, I suppose you somewhat wonder what can be my reason for sending the lad to fetch you out of doors.

BACCH. Upon my faith, I am even in some anxiety as well, when I reflect what I am, lest the name of my calling should be to my prejudice; for my behavior I can easily defend.

LACH. If you speak the truth, you will be in no danger, woman, from me, for I am now of that age that it is not meet for me to receive forgiveness for a fault; for that reason do I the more carefully attend to every particular, that I may not act with rashness; for if you now do, or intend to do, that which is proper for deserving {women} to do, it would be unjust for me, in my ignorance, to offer an injury to you, when undeserving of it.

BACCH. On my word, great is the gratitude that I ought to feel toward you for such conduct; for he who, after committing an injury, would excuse himself, would profit me but little. But what is the matter?

LACH. You admit my son, Pamphilus, to your house.

BACCH. Ah!

LACH. Just let me {speak}: before he was married to this woman, I tolerated your amour. Stay! I have not yet said to you what I intended. He has now got a wife: look out for another person more to be depended on, while you have time to deliberate; for neither will he be of this mind all his life, nor, i’ faith, will you be {always} of your present age.

BACCH. Who is it says this?

LACH. His mother-in-law.

BACCH. What! that I--

LACH. That you {do}: and she has taken away her daughter; and for that reason, has wished secretly to destroy the child that has been born.

BACCH. Did I know any other means whereby I might be enabled to establish my credit with you, more solemn than an oath, I would, Laches, assure you of this, that I have kept Pamphilus at a distance[57] from me ever since he took a wife.

LACH. You are very good. But, pray, do you know what I would prefer that you should do?

BACCH. What? Tell me.

LACH. Go in-doors there (_pointing to the house of PHIDIPPUS_) to the women, and make the same promise, on oath, to them; satisfy their minds, and clear yourself from this charge.

BACCH. I will do {so}; although, i’faith, if it had been any other woman of this calling, she would not have done so, I am quite sure; present herself before a married woman for such a purpose! But I do not wish your son to be suspected on an unfounded report, nor appear inconstant, undeservedly, to you, to whom he by no means ought; for he has deserved of me, that, so far as I am able, I should do him a service.

LACH. Your language has rendered me quite friendly and well disposed toward you; but not only did they think {so}-- I too believed it. Now that I have found you quite different from what I had expected, take care that you still continue the same-- make use of my friendship as you please; if otherwise----; but I will forbear, that you may not hear any thing unkind from me. But this one thing I recommend you-- make trial what sort of a friend I am, or what I can effect {as such}, rather than {what as} an enemy.

SCENE IX.

_Enter PHIDIPPUS and a NURSE._

PHID. (_to the NURSE._) Nothing at my house will I suffer you to be in want of; but whatever is requisite shall be supplied {you} in abundance. Still, when you are well fed and well drenched, do take care that the child has enough. (_The NURSE goes into his house._)

LACH. (_to BACCHIS._) My son’s father-in-law, I see, is coming; he is bringing a nurse for the child. (_Accosting him._) Phidippus, Bacchis swears most solemnly.

PHID. Is this she?

LACH. It is.

PHID. Upon my faith, those women don’t fear the Gods; and I don’t think that the Gods care about them.

BACCH. (_pointing to her ATTENDANTS._) I will give you up my female servants; with my full permission, examine them with any tortures you please. The business at present is this: I must make his wife return home to Pamphilus; should I effect that, I shall not regret its being reported that I have been the only one to do what other courtesans avoid doing.[58]

LACH. We find, Phidippus, that our wives have been unjustly suspected[59] by us in this matter. Let us now try her still further; for if your wife discovers that she has given credence to a false charge, she will dismiss her resentment; but if my son is also angry, by reason of the circumstance that his wife has been brought to bed without his knowledge, that is a trifle: his anger on that account will speedily subside. Assuredly in this matter, there is nothing so bad as to be deserving of a separation.

PHID. I sincerely wish it may be {so}.

LACH. Examine {her}; here she is; she herself will satisfy you.

PHID. Why do you tell me these things? {Is it} because you have not already heard what my feelings are with regard to this matter, Laches? Do you only satisfy their minds.

LACH. Troth now, Bacchis, I do entreat that what you have promised me you will do.

BACCH. Would you wish me, then, to go in about this business?

LACH. Go, and satisfy their minds, so as to make them believe it.

BACCH. I’ll go: although, upon my word, I am quite sure that my presence will be disagreeable to them, for a married woman is the enemy of a mistress, when she has been separated from her husband.

LACH. But they will be your friends, when they know the reason of your coming.

PHID. And I promise that they shall be your friends, when they know the fact; for you will release them from their mistake, and yourself, at the same time, from suspicion.

BACCH. Wretched me! I’m ashamed {to meet} Philumena. (_To her ATTENDANTS._) Do you both follow me into the house. (_Goes into the house with PHIDIPPUS and her ATTENDANTS._)

LACH. (_to himself._) What is there that I could more wish for, than what I see has happened to this woman? To gain favor without loss to myself, and to benefit myself at {the same time}. For if now it is the fact that she has really withdrawn from Pamphilus, she knows that by that step she has acquired honor and reputation: she returns the favor to him, and, by the same means, attaches us as friends to herself. (_Goes into the house._)