Chapter II: Introduction

THE curtain should rise upon an introductory front scene depicting the pupils on their way to school, singly, or in groups of two or three, swinging book-bags or dinner-pails; one group of girls play bean-bag; a group of boys play marbles; one boy tries to fly a kite; some skip, others walk sedately, or jump rope, drive hoop, etc.

(_Enter_ BOY, _whittling._)

BOY. Say, Seth, old Hickory's coming! Got your hands all waxed, sonny? 'Cause you'll have to ketch it hot and heavy this morning. Teacher's awful mad about your stealing Squire Green's apples.

SETH CRANE (_who has book-bag, etc._). Don't care. I ain't going to school to-day, anyway. I'm going to play hookey.

BOY. Did your ma say you might?

SETH. Bet your life she didn't. I'm not tied to my ma's apron strings, Bubby; I'm no baby!

BOY. Here he comes! Run, Seth, or he'll ketch you.

(SETH _runs off. Teacher passes along saying "Good-morning" etc., to children._)

BOY. (_still whittling, to group which comes up_). Say, boys, Seth Crane's going to play hookey. Let's pay, him back for saying we stole Squire Green's apples, will you, and tell his mother? She's a daisy, though, ain't she?

SECOND BOY. Agreed! But who'll tell the old lady?

BOY. Let Daniel. He's teacher's pet anyway, and if he's late, nothing'll be said. Will you go, Dan?

DANIEL. Yes. The old lady'll give me some of her nice doughnuts. (_Smacking lips, he runs off. Boys pass off in other direction, crying, "Save some for us, Dan," etc._)

The above merely serves to indicate the general nature of the dialogue that may be characteristically employed, the precise points to be made depending for their humorous value so entirely upon the identity of the actor in each case and their contradiction of his well-known character and dignity, that they must be left to the invention of the players. The dialogue, whatever its nature, should be accompanied by an incessant pantomimic action of characteristic boyish antics and practical jokes, made inexpressibly ludicrous by whiskers, bass voices, and other personal anachronisms.

At the close of this introductory part, and while the curtain is rising on the school scene, a large bell should be rung vigorously.

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THE SCHOOLROOM.

SCENE.--_The interior of the little red schoolhouse of our grandfathers. Teacher's desk at R., stove L., chair for committee man in front of stove, desks at back, leaving an open space in front for classes, etc. Blackboard and map at back. Blackboard down in R. corner, by teacher's desk, facing house. Door at back, C._

_As pupils enter they courtesy to the teacher, and after hanging hats and bonnets on nails, take their seats. One pupil is granted the privilege of ringing the bell at the door, whereupon the rest enter. The school is them called to order and the roll is read. Each answers "here" or "present" to his name. When the name of "James Peters" is read there is no reply. At length one of the girls explains that he "had to stay to hum to mind the baby." Another scholar reports that "the reason Molly Jenkins didn't come was because she hadn't no shoes."_

TEACHER. I see a few new scholars here. I will now take their names. What name do you call yourself, sir?

J. C. SMITH. I don't call myself any names! But Nappy Jones does, and ef he ever does it again (_doubling up his fists and threatening the same, who returns the compliment_), I'll lick him, see ef I don't! My name is Julius Caesar Smith, and don't you forget it.

TEACHER. How old are you, Julius Caesar?

J. C. S. I'm five years old next Christmas.

TEACHER. That will do. The next scholar.

J. CALL. I'm Jule Call, and my brother's name is Bill Call.

TEACHER. Your brother can speak for himself. It is very improper to say "Jule" and "Bill;" you should say Julius. Now, what is your name?

J. C. Julius Call, sir.

TEACHER. Next?

B. CALL. Bilious Call, sir.

TEACHER. What, sir!

B. C. Bilious Call. (_In surprise._)

TEACHER. There is no such proper name as "Bilous." Your name is probably William.

J. C. He's my brother Bill anyway, and ef I'm Julius he's Bilious, ain't we?

TEACHER. Silence I want no impudence from any of my pupils. (JULIUS, _silenced but not convinced, shakes his head and gesticulates to his friends, all of whom show him their sympathy with his views._) What is your name, my dear?

Z. S. Zenobia Snellings, may it please you, sir. (_Makes low courtesy._)

TEACHER. Are you a native of this place?

Z. S. Yes, sir--part of the year.

TEACHER. Part of the year! What do you mean?

Z. S. Vacations I spend with Aunt Nancy at ____. (_Supply a neighboring town._)

(_Interruption in the shape of DANIEL WEBSTER TOMKINS, who rushes in out of breath and trips over the threshold, upsetting lunch basket, revealing contents._)

D. W. T. Has bell rang?

TEACHER (_severely pointing to the door_). Try that again, Daniel.

D. W. T. I got enough of it that time. Let some other feller try it. (_Rubbing knees and elbows._)

TEACHER. Sit down, sir.