Chapter XI: Palace, Uganda (2)

Reports of this magnificence at once flew to the queen, who sent to know how many more blankets I had in my possession, and whether, if she asked for one, she would get it. She also desired to see my spoons, fork, and pipe--an English meerschaum, mounted with silver; so, after breakfast, I returned to see her, showed her the spoons and forks, and smoked my pipe, but told her I had no blankets left but what formed my bed. She appeared very happy and very well, did not say another word about the blankets, but ordered a pipe for herself, and sat chatting, laughing, and smoking in concert with me.

I told her I had visited all the four quarters of the globe, and had seen all colours of people, but wondered where she got her pipe from, for it was much after the Rumish (Turkish) fashion, with a long stick. Greatly tickled at the flattery, she said, "We hear men like yourself come to Amara from the other side, and drive cattle away." "The Gallas, or Abyssinians, who are tall and fair, like Rumanika," I said, "might do so, for they live not far off on the other side of Amara, but we never fight for such paltry objects. If cows fall into our hands when fighting, we allow our soldiers to eat them, while we take the government of the country into our hands." She then said, "We hear you don't like the Unyamuezi route, we will open the Ukori one for you." "Thank your majesty," said I, in a figurative kind of speech to please Waganda ears; and turning the advantage of the project on her side, "You have indeed hit the right nail on the head. I do not like the Unyamuezi route, as you may imagine when I tell you I have lost so much property there by mere robbery of the people and their kings. The Waganda do not see me in a true light; but if they have patience for a year or two, until the Ukori road is open, and trade between our respective countries shall commence, they will then see the fruits of my advent; so much so, that every Mganda will say the first Uganda year dates from the arrival of the first Mzundu (white) visitor. As one coffee-seed sown brings forth fruit in plenty, so my coming here may be considered." All appreciated this speech, saying, "The white man, he even speaks beautifully! beautifully! beautifully! beautifully!" and, putting their hands to their mouths, they looked askance at me, nodding their admiring approval.

The queen and her ministers then plunged into pombe and became uproarious, laughing with all their might and main. Small bugu cups were not enough to keep up the excitement of the time, so a large wooden trough was placed before the queen and filled with liquor. If any was spilt, the Wakungu instantly fought over it, dabbing their noses on the ground, or grabbing it with their hands, that not one atom of the queen's favour might be lost; for everything must be adored that comes from royalty, whether by design or accident. The queen put her head to the trough and drank like a pig from it, and was followed by her ministers. The band, by order, then struck up a tune called the Milele, playing on a dozen reeds, ornamented with beads and cow-tips, and five drums, of various tones and sizes, keeping time. The musicians dancing with zest, were led by four bandmasters, also dancing, but with their backs turned to the company to show off their long, shaggy, goat-skin jackets, sometimes upright, at other times bending and on their heels, like the hornpipe-dancers or western countries.

It was a merry scene, but soon became tiresome; when Bombay, by way of flattery, and wishing to see what the queen's wardrobe embraced, told her, Any woman, however ugly, would assume a goodly appearance if prettily dressed; upon which her gracious majesty immediately rose, retired to her toilet-hut, and soon returned attired in a common check cloth, and abrus tiara, a bead necklace, and with a folding looking-glass, when she sat, as before, and was handed a blown-glass cup of pombe, with a cork floating on the liquor, and a napkin mbugu covering the top, by a naked virgin. For her kind condescension in assuming plain raiment, everybody, of course, n'yanzigged. Next she ordered her slave girls to bring a large number of sambo (anklets), and begged me to select the best, for she liked me much. In vain I tried to refuse them: she had given more than enough for a keepsake before, and I was not hungry for property; still I had to choose some, or I would give offence. She then gave me a basket of tobacco, and a nest of hen eggs for her "son's" breakfast. When this was over, the Mukonderi, another dancing-tune, with instruments something like clarionets, was ordered; but it had scarcely been struck up, before a drenching rain, with strong wind, set in and spoilt the music, though not the playing--for none dared stop without an order; and the queen, instead of taking pity, laughed most boisterously over the exercise of her savage power as the unfortunate musicians were nearly beaten down by the violence of the weather.

When the rain ceased, her majesty retired a second time to her toilet-hut, and changed her dress for a puce-coloured wrapper, when I, ashamed of having robbed her of so many sambo, asked her if she would allow me to present her with a little English "wool" to hang up instead of her mbugu curtain on cold days like this. Of course she could not decline, and a large double scarlet blanket was placed before her. "Oh, wonder of wonders!" exclaimed all the spectators, holding their mouths in both hands at a time--such a "pattern" had never been seen here before. It stretched across the hut, was higher than the men could reach--indeed it was a perfect marvel; and the man must be a good one who brought such a treasure as this to Uddu. "And why not say Uganda?" I asked. "Because all this country is called Uddu. Uganda is personified by Mtesa; and no one can say he has seen Uganda until he has been presented to the king."

As I had them all in a good humour now, I complained I did not see enough of the Waganda--and as every one dressed so remarkably well, I could not discern the big men from the small; could she not issue some order by which they might call on me, as they did not dare do so without instruction, and then I, in turn, would call on them? Hearing this, she introduced me to her prime minister, chancellor of exchequer, women-keepers, hangmen, and cooks, as the first nobles in the land, that I might recognise them again if I met them on the road. All n'yanzigged for this great condescension, and said they were delighted with their guest; then producing a strip of common joho to compare it with my blanket, they asked if I could recognise it. Of course, said I, it is made in my country, of the same material, only of coarser quality, and everything of the same sort is made in Uzungu. Then, indeed, said the whole company, in one voice, we do like you, and your cloth too--but you most. I modestly bowed my head, and said their friendship was my chief desire.

This speech also created great hilarity; the queen and councillors all became uproarious. The queen began to sing, and the councillors to join in chorus; then all sang and all drank, and drank and sang, till, in their heated excitement, they turned the palace into a pandemonium; still there was not noise enough, so the band and drums were called again, and tomfool--for Uganda, like the old European monarchies, always keeps a jester--was made to sing in the gruff, hoarse, unnatural voice which he ever affects to maintain his character, and furnished with pombe when his throat was dry.

Now all of a sudden, as if a devil had taken possession of the company, the prime minister with all the courtiers jumped upon their legs, seized their sticks, for nobody can carry a spear when visiting, swore the queen had lost her heart to me, and running into the yard, returned, charging and jabbering at the queen; retreated and returned again, as if they were going to put an end to her for the guilt of loving me, but really to show their devotion and true love to her. The queen professed to take this ceremony with calm indifference, but her face showed that she enjoyed it. I was not getting very tired of sitting on my low stool, and begged for leave to depart, but N'yamasore would not hear of it; she loved me a great deal too much to let me go away at this time of day, and forthwith ordered in more pombe. The same roystering scene was repeated; cups were too small, so the trough was employed; and the queen graced it by drinking, pig-fashion, first, and then handing it round to the company.

Now, hoping to produce gravity and then to slip away, I asked if my medicines had given her any relief, that I might give her more to strengthen her. She said she could not answer that question just yet; for though the medicine had moved her copiously, as yet she had seen no snake depart from her. I told her I would give her some strengthening medicine in the morning: for the present, however, I would take my leave, as the day was far gone, and the distance home very great; but though I dragged my body away, my heart would still remain here, for I loved her much.

This announcement took all by surprise; they looked at me and then at her, and looked again and laughed, whilst I rose, waved my hat, and said, "Kua heri, Bibi" (good-bye, madam). On reaching home I found Maribu, a Mkungu, with a gang of men sent by Mtesa to fetch Grant from Kitangule by water. He would not take any of my men with him to fetch the kit from Karague, as Mtesa, he said, had given him orders to find all the means of transport; so I gave him a letter to Grant, and told him to look sharp, else Grant would have passed the Kitangule before he arrived there. "Never mind," says Maribu, "I shall walk to the mouth of the Katonga, boat it to Sese island, where Mtesa keeps all his large vessels, and I shall be at Kitangule in a very short time."

4th.--I sent Bombay off to administer quinine to the queen; but the king's pages, who watched him making for her gateway, hurried up to him, and turned him back by force. He pleaded earnestly that I would flog him if he disobeyed my orders, but they would take all the responsibility--the king had ordered it; and then they, forging a lie, bade him run back as fast as he could, saying I wanted to see the king, but could not till his return. In this way poor Bombay returned to me half-drowned in perspiration. Just then another page hurried in with orders to bring me to the palace at once, for I had not been there these four days; and while I was preparing to express the proper amount of indignation at this unceremonious message, the last impudent page began rolling like a pig upon my mbugued or carpeted floor, till I stormed and swore I would turn him out unless he chose to behave more respectfully before my majesty, for I was no peddling merchant, as he had been accustomed to see, and would not stand it; moreover, I would not leave my hut at the summons of the king or anybody else, until I chose to do so.

This expression of becoming wrath brought every one to a sense of his duty; and I then told them all I was excessively angry with Mtesa for turning back my messenger; nobody had ever dared do such a thing before, and I would never forgive the king until my medicines had been given to the queen. As for my going to the palace, it was out of the question, as I had been repeatedly before told the king, unless it pleased him to give me a fitting residence near himself. In order now that full weight should be given to my expressions, I sent Bombay with the quinine to the king, in company with the boys, to give an account of all that had happened; and further, to say I felt exceedingly distressed I could not go to see him constantly--that I was ashamed of my domicile--the sun was hot to walk in; and when I went to the palace, his officers in waiting always kept me waiting like a servant--a matter hurtful to my honour and dignity. It now rested with himself to remove these obstacles. Everybody concerned in this matter left for the palace but Maula, who said he must stop in camp to look after Bana. Bombay no sooner arrived in the palace, and saw the king upon his throne, than Mtesa asked him why he came? "By the instructions of Bana," was his reply--"for Bana cannot walk in the sun; no white man of the sultan's breed can do so."

Hearing this, the king rose in a huff, without deigning to reply, and busied himself in another court. Bombay, still sitting, waited for hours till quite tired, when he sent a boy in to say he had not delivered half my message; he had brought medicine for the queen, and as yet he had no reply for Bana. Either with haughty indifference, or else with injured pride at his not being able to command me at his pleasure, the king sent word, if medicine is brought for the queen, then let it be taken to her; and so Bombay walked off to the queen's palace. Arrived there, he sent in to say he had brought medicine, and waited without a reply till nightfall, when, tired of his charge, he gave the quinine into N'yamgundu's hands for delivery, and returned home. Soon after, however, N'yamgundu also returned to say the queen would not take the dose to-day, but hoped I would administer it personally in the morning.

Whilst all this vexations business had been going on in court--evidently dictated by extreme jealousy because I showed, as they all thought, a preference for the queen--Maula, more than tipsy, brought a Mkungu of some standing at court before me, contrary to all law--for as yet no Mganda, save the king's pages, had ever dared enter even the precincts of my camp. With a scowling, determined, hang-dog-looking countenance, he walked impudently into my hut, and taking down the pombe-suckers the queen had given me, showed them with many queer gesticulations, intended to insinuate there was something between the queen and me. Among his jokes were, that I must never drink pombe excepting with these sticks; if I wanted any when I leave Uganda, to show my friends, she would give me twenty more sticks of that sort if I liked them; and, turning from verbal to practical jocularity, the dirty fellow took my common sucker out of the pot, inserted one of the queen's, and sucked at it himself, when I snatched and threw it away.

Maula's friend, who, I imagined, was a spy, then asked me whom I liked most--the mother or the son; but, without waiting to hear me, Maula hastily said, "The mother, the mother of course! he does not care for Mtesa, and won't go to see him." The friend coaxingly responded, "Oh no; he likes Mtesa, and will go and see him too; won't you?" I declined, however, to answer from fear of mistake, as both interpreters were away. Still the two went on talking to themselves, Maula swearing that I loved the mother most, whilst the friend said, No, he loves the son, and asking me with anxious looks, till they found I was not to be caught by chaff, and then, both tired, walked away--the friend advising me, next time I went to court, to put on an Arab's gown, as trousers are indecent in the estimation of every Mganda.

5th.--Alarmed at having got involved in something that looked like court intrigues, I called up N'yamgundu; told him all that happened yesterday, both at the two courts and with Maula at home; and begged him to apply to the king for a meeting of five elders, that a proper understanding might be arrived at; but instead of doing as I desired, he got into a terrible fright, calling Maula, and told me if I pressed the matter in this way men would lose their lives. Meanwhile the cunning blackguard Maula begged for pardon; said I quite misunderstood his meaning; all he had said was that I was very fortunate, being in such favour at court, for the king and queen both equally loved me.

N'yamgundu now got orders to go to Karague overland for Dr K'yengo; but, dreading to tell me of it, as I had been so kind to him, he forged a falsehood, said he had leave to visit his home for six days, and begged for a wire to sacrifice to his church. I gave him what he wanted, and away he went. I then heard his servants had received orders to go overland for Grant and K'yengo; so I wrote another note to Grant, telling him to come sharp, and bring all the property by boat that he could carry, leaving what he could not behind in charge of Rumanika.

At noon, the plaguy little imps of pages hurried in to order the attendance of all my men fully armed before the king, as he wished to seize some refractory officer. I declined this abuse of my arms, and said I should first go and speak to the king on the subject myself, ordering the men on no account to go on such an errand; and saying this, I proceeded towards the palace, leaving instructions for those men who were not ready to follow. As the court messengers, however, objected to our going in detachments, I told Bombay to wait for the rest, and hurry on to overtake me. Whilst lingering on the way, every minute expecting to see my men, the Wazinza, who had also received orders to seize the same officer, passed me, going to the place of attack, and, at the same time, I heard my men firing in a direction exactly opposite to the palace. I now saw I had been duped, and returned to my hut to see the issue. The boys had deceived us all. Bombay, tricked on the plea of their taking him by a short cut to the palace, suddenly found himself with all the men opposite the fenced gardens that had to be taken--the establishment of the recusant officer,--and the boys, knowing how eager all blacks are to loot, said, "Now, then, at the houses; seize all you can, sparing nothing--men, women, or children, mbugus or cowries, all alike--for it is the order of the king;" and in an instant my men surrounded the place, fired their guns, and rushed upon the inmates. One was speared forcing his way through the fence, but the rest were taken and brought triumphantly into my camp. It formed a strange sight in the establishment of an English gentleman, to see my men flushed with the excitement of their spoils, staggering under loads of mbugu, or leading children, mothers, goats, and dogs off in triumph to their respective huts. Bombay alone, of all my men, obeyed my orders, touching nothing; and when remonstrated with for having lead the men, he said he could not help it--the boys had deceived him in the same way as they had tricked me.

It was now necessary that I should take some critical step in African diplomacy; so, after ordering all the seizures to be given up to Maula on behalf of the king, and threatening to discharge any of my men who dared retain one item of the property, I shut the door of my hut to do penance for two days, giving orders that nobody but my cook Ilmas, not even Bombay, should come near me; for the king had caused my men to sin--had disgraced their red cloth--and had inflicted on me a greater insult than I could bear. I was ashamed to show my face. Just as the door was closed, other pages from the king brought the Whitworth rifle to be cleaned, and demanded an admittance; but no one dared approach me, and they went on their way again.

6th.--I still continued to do penance. Bombay, by my orders, issued from within, prepared for a visit to the king, to tell him all that had happened yesterday, and also to ascertain if the orders for sending my men on a plundering mission had really emanated from himself, when the bothering pages came again, bringing a gun and knife to be mended. My door was found shut, so they went to Bombay, asked him to do it, and told him the king desired to know if I would go shooting with him in the morning. The reply was, "No; Bana is praying to-day that Mtesa's sins might be forgiven him for having committed such an injury to him, sending his soldiers on a mission that did not become them, and without his sanction too. He is very angry about it, and wished to know if it was done by the king's orders." The boys said, "Nothing can be done without the king's orders." After further discussion, Bombay intimated that I wished the king to send me a party of five elderly officers to counsel with, and set all disagreeables to rights, or I would not go to the palace again; but the boys said there were no elderly gentlemen at court, only boys such as themselves. Bombay now wished to go with them before the king, to explain matters to him, and to give him all the red cloths of my men, which I took from them, because they defiled their uniform when plundering women and children; but the boys said the king was unapproachable just them, being engaged shooting cows before his women. He then wished the boys to carry the cloth; but they declined, saying it was contrary to orders for anybody to handle cloth, and they could not do it.