Chapter V: Part 5

During this time that I went to School, I plyed not my book so altogether, but that I observed some practices of the Shoomaker, both in his trade and in his office; and first for his trade, I saw he used two sorts of leather, one whereof was called mens leather, which was strong, fast, and would last well; the other he called womans leather, which was not half tanned, and would scarce last ten miles going; this last sort of leather (because it was cheap) he used most, especially in womens shooes, and the inner soals of mens: and sometimes I observed that if the inner soals were too little, he would slit them in the middle to make them appear on both sides, and at other times with his teeth he would stretch his leather, as for gain he would stretch his Conscience. Then for his office, for the bread that was given to the poor at the Church on Sundayes, he had a weekly fee from the Baker for his custom; and for other gifts that were to be distributed (as there was some Quarterly) that poor man that received them, must either do a dayes work gratis for him, or else present him with some gift worth half of what he was to receive, or else he was sure to go without it; so that in respect of his office, these verses of _Withers_ were very applicable unto him,

_The poor’s neglector, O I pardon crave,
Collector I should say, may play the knave,
The fool I would have said, but chuse you whether
He may be both, and so he may be neither._

But before I had been at School long, my Guardian told me, the ten pound was out for my board (for I paid a Roast-meat price for my diet, although I fed most commonly on bread and cheese) and therefore I must prepare to go to Prentice; I thought it was in vain to contend with him, and therefore bid him provide me a Master as soon as he would, for I was willing I told him to go. He quickly heard of one (for bad Masters are as easie to be found as bad servants) one that was a true _Bacchanalian_, a Son of _Vulcan_, by profession a Lock-smith, what the Executor was to give with me I know not, but thither I went some few dayes upon liking; and indeed it was but a few dayes I was there in all, for there was found _Knavery in that Trade_ as well as others. My new Master had belike driven an old trade with pick-pockets, house-breakers, and such kinde of people whom he furnished with store of pick-locks, and instruments to break open Shop-doors and windows; he also drave a great trade with thievish Prentices, for false keys for their Masters counting-houses and Truncks, they bringing him the print of them either in Wax or Clay, with some of which he was sharers in their purchase. He had also his Emissaries abroad, which would steal Iron bars from Cellar-windows, and sometimes fetch a short jaunt into the Countrey, and steal the Coulters and Shares from the Ploughs, as also hooks and hinges from Gates, which he bought for a small price, and used to work them out in the night for fear of discovery, yet all would not do, wicked actions have bad endings; one of these Prentices who had made use of him, and thereby much wronged his Master, spending that money riotously which he had got naughtily, his excess brought him to a surfeit that occasioned his end, when upon his death-bed, reflecting on his former vitious practises, he detected my Master, who was thereupon apprehended and carried before a Justice of the Peace, that sent him to _Newgate_; how he sped I know not, but if he had his deserts, I am sure he could not scape hanging.

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CHAP. XII.

_He is bound Prentice to a Taylor, the Knavery of that trade, his Master
of a stitch, he is turn’d over to a Baker, who misusing him he runeth
away._

My next Master forsooth was a Taylor, a dapper fellow, to whom the Shoomaker (because he would be sure to be rid of me) bound me Prentice the first day I went to him, after I had been there a little while, whether it be the nature of the trade, or what it was I know not, but all my mind ran upon penny-loaves and pudding-pies; & whereas before I was more given to drink than to eat, now my whole appetite was for feeding. If I went by a Bakers shop, oh how would I cast mine eyes upon the penny loaves, wishing my belly a Cupboard to contain such precious jewels; neither could it sink into my faith, that there was any trade in the world comparable to a Bakers, but that which made me the more hungry, I conceive was that we were much pinched in our diet; for my Master made us observe more fasting days, then were set down in the Kallender, and then with a counterfeit zeal he would preach a long Lecture of sobriety unto his Prentices, not that he had any Religion in him (for at another mans table he would gurmandize like an Epicure) but to save victuals; and when we fell short at meals (as we oftentimes did) he would put us off with an old Proverb, that _many a sack is tied up before it be full_, for his other qualifications and endowments, take a brief view in this short but true character of him.

He was such another as Sir _Thomas Overbury_ speaks of, a creature made up of shreds that were pared off from _Adam_ when he was rough cast. His chiefest care was, how to cloath other mens backs, and feed his own belly; how to make them fine, and himself fat, against Christmas, Easter, or Whitsuntide; he was a man of some repute, but most time else like a thick Cloak in Summer, hang’d behind the door. His offensive and defensive weapons, were only a needle and a thimble; with the first he murdered many _Egyptian_ vermine, and the last he made a Gauntlet for the top of his middle finger, which at other times jingling in his pocket with his bodkin, made the Ale-wife to think he had mony in his pocket, which caused oft-times a flagon to be scored up behind the door. His chief upholder was the sin of pride, a new fashion being to him like the Term to a Lawyer; to gain which he used to frequent those Churches and places where Gallants most resorted, when on a sudden the Mechanicks wifes and kitchen maids gowns came trowling in to be new altered, for _out of the fashion, out of the world_. He differ’d altogether from God, for with him the best pieces were still marked out for damnation, and without hope of recovery cast down into Hell, for though he had many bottoms, yet his conscience was bottomless. Of all weapons he most affected the long Bill, and he who paid him but one half, he would be sure to be no looser by him.

An ancient Gentleman one day brought a suit of Cloaths to our Shop to be made, who that he might have them the warmer, had bought two yards of Bayes to cotton his breeches in the inner-side; my Master thought that was too good for such an use, and therefore took it to himself, and supplyed the place with old painting Cloath. It happened afterwards the Gentleman wearing those Cloaths, going to _Islington_, as he went over a stile, a snag or cleft of the same took hold of his Breeches and rent a great slash or gap in them, that quite discover’d my Masters theft; for right against the hole, was the picture of a Devil with a muck-fork in his hand, which made the gentleman to admire how the Devil he should come there; searching further he found more of his fellows, and all of them with muck-forks in their hands, tormenting of _Dives_ in the flames; this put him in a great rage, to consider how that by the knavery of the Taylor, he should carry _Hell-fire_ in his Breech; ripping the other Slop, there was the _Prodigal_ on Horse-back, his journy into a far Country, Hawks and his Whores, his feeding husks with Swine, with his returning to his Father, and the killing the fatted Calf, wherefore in great rage he came to my Master, calling him knave, thief, and a great many other names, such as came first to his tongues end; my Master desired him to be quiet, told him it was stole off his Shop-board, but for his part, he wish’d if he had it that he might find it in the _Hell_, meaning the _Hell_ under his Shop-board, which was the receptacle for all stoln goods.

Now those pieces which were condemned to this _Hell_, were termed Cabadge, and we never made any Cloaths either for men or women, in which he snipt not some pieces from them; sometimes out of a Suit and Cloak, enough to make a Boy a payer of breeches, or a doublet, and sometimes enough for breeches and doublet too. Then we drave a trade with the Sadlers, for peices of Cloaths to make seats for Sadles. The Cabadge of course Cloath was to make dust-cloaths for the legs of Country Plough-men, wollen caps, and mittens for old women; all was fish that came to net. When a Gentleman bought a suit and cloak of good cloath, if my Master could but perswade four or five more to buy of the same, out of them all he would steal a suit and cloak for himself. Then for womens cloaths, the cabadge of cloath of silver, brancht Sattin, and the like, went for pin-cushions, pin-pillows, womens purses; and if black, Church-wardens caps. Cabadge of Tabbee, coloured Taffaty and Sarcenet, for facings of the hands of doublets, _&c_, when we set on gold and silver lace, we should stretch it so, that in four or five yards we would get a quarter of a yard, which with old silver buttons and such like stuff, went for ends of gold and silver; and sometimes in rich laces we would rub them so on our knees, that in eight or nine ounces, half an ounce would come off, which went also to the encrease of ends of gold and silver.

Now being the Under-Prentice, my chief employment was to run on errands, so that having thereby an opportunity, I often visited the _Dagger_ in _Foster-lane_ for pudding-pies, my mouth always either peny loaf or pudding-pie fashion. Amongst other places that I went to, one of the chief was a Mercers in _Pater-Noster-row_, from whence my Master received a small snip for every Gown he helpt him to custom withall. Now their way of dealing was thus; my master bought the stuff, then the Mercer was to justifie that it cost him so much a yard, perhaps eight or ten shillings more in the Gown than it did, for which my Master when he brought customers to him, was to perswade them to the stuff, avouching there was not such another penny-worth in the Town, and that he was confident that he saved little or nothing by it; but only for to gain their custome; by which you see he who carries a Taylor with him to help him buy Cloaths, carries a Thief in stead of a Friend, for the Mercer and Taylor was both agreed, and what the first says, the other will swear to. Now to hear them muster up the names of their stuffs, would make you swear they were raysing so many Devils, there’s your _Parragon_, _Burragon_, _Phillipine_, _Cheny_, _Grogrum_, _Mow-hair_, _Damasilly_, _Novato_, _Pinckanilly_, _Pinckadino_, _Prunella_, _Itiliano_, _Castiliano_, _Perpetuana_, _Sempiternum_, _Tamme_, _Tammet_, _Tammeletto_, and a thousand more besides, such as _Adam_ never gave names to, being more for pride than for warmth, and rather to cloath sin, than to cover nakedness.

But ere I could attain to any perfection in the Trade, my Master dyed of that which he lived by, _the Stich_, being taken with it as he was contriving a new fashion for a womans placket, that it should be neither before, nor behind, nor on either side, but before he could finish his project he was taken with this _Stich_, so that that invention was utterly lost thereby: now because he dyed of such a disease, I muster’d up all my wit and invention together, and made for him this Epitaph.

_A Taylor in this Grave doth lie,
Who by the_ Stich _did live and die;
Longer his lifes_ thread _might have been,
But death with’s_ sheares _came him between,
Wound up his_ bottom, _bound his feet,
And_ sow’d _him up in’s winding-sheet._

My Mistress not continuing the Trade, I was turned over to a Baker, at which I rejoyced exceedingly, being heartily desirous to be dealing with Belly-timber, remembring how I was full fed when as I lived before with the Cook. Here I found the Maxim to be still true, that there is _knavery in all Trades_, for as my last Master theived from peoples backs, so this robbed their bellies; and was in one sort worse than a Taylor, for Taylors commonly filch their Cabadge only from the rich, who can the better spare it; but a Baker by making his bread lesser than it should be, stealeth it out of the poor peoples bellies, for doing which he deserveth the same fate to attend on him as did on _Pharaohs_ Baker, viz. hanging; or at leastwise to look through an oaken planck, and shew the people a knaves head.

He would be sure to be in fee with the Clark of the Market, and pretended great love to him, though he hated him as his Executioner. By this meanes he had always timely notice of my _Lord Mayors_ going about, when he would be sure to have his bread full weight stand at his window; and if at any time he chanc’d to be catcht, oh how he would repine at his forc’d charity, to see his bread given away to the poor, hating Justice it self for the _weigh-scales sake_, though it did the Beggars as much good as their dinner, to see his basket sent to the prison.

When we had any stale mouldy bread, such as we could not sell our selves, or was returned us again by our customers, we used to soak it in water, and so mould it up again in our dough, which in Summer time at four days end would roap so, that if you pul’d it in pieces it would appear as if it were all Cobwebs, which made us always to sell such bread new. Now what other _Knaveries_ he used in his trade, I was not there long enough to know them: for because I used to forget to rise betimes in a morning, my Master would remember me with a good ashen wand which he always kept in store by him, wherewith he would beat me as your Sea-men do Stock-fish, in so much that my flesh had on it all the colours in the Rain-bow, _viz._ black, blew, green, red, yellow, white, _&c._ above all things in the world I liked not beating, wherefore I resolved to march off, yet before I went I purposed to be in part revenged on him for those many blows he had given me. Now so it was that he lay above stairs, and I below, and when he came down, if he found me not up and about my business, he would so rib-roast me, that I could have felt no cold although it had been frosty weather. Against that morning I intended to be gone, I had parched some pease in the oven, that they were almost as hard as leaden bullets; them did I strow here and there upon the stairs against my Masters coming down, and so having put up my things, and made my self ready, I staid expecting what the event would be, anon my Master called me at the stairs head, I heard him very well, but made him no answer, wherefore he supposing I was asleep, was coming down to give me the bastinado, when treading on the pease his heels flew up, and down he came tumbling from the top to the bottom, swearing all the way he was falling, that this damn’d Rogue (meaning me) intended for to break his neck; I hearing him to thunder so loud, thought it would lighten upon my Jacket presently, and therefore to prevent it, I opened the door and shewed him a fair payr of heels, leaving him sore bruised with his fall, and more vexed that he could not come at me, to revenge himself of me for the same.

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CHAP. XIII.

_He serveth a Plaisterer, sheweth some cheats in that Trade, he is even
with the Maid of the House for her sloath, and punishing him; giveth
his Master a fall from the Scaffold, and runneth away from him into
the Country._

I was now grown a good sturdy Lad, and it being then the spring of the year, I was entertained into a Plaisterers service, I imagined with my self that there could be no knavery in this trade, but after I had bin there a while, I found there was a great deal of difference in our labour when we work't by the day, and when we wrought by the great; in the one I could not be too quick for my Master, in the other he cared not how slow; dispatching that in six days in the one, which we would hardly do in ten days in the other; in the one we minded only our work, in the other we used to lengthen out the time with discourses of wenches, foot-ball playing and such like; for so we brought the day to an end, we cared not so much for our work going forward, seeing our wages ran parallel with the day, and when that was done, we counted our money due, whether we earned it or no. In this service I lived like a Prince to my hearts content, for my Master would not only wink at any Rogueries that I committed, but also countenance me in the doing of them. When we wrought upon scaffolds in the street it was a great pleasure to me to throw the morter upon the heads of young wenches as they passed by; and at other times with our whiting to bespatter Gentlemens Cloaks as they walked under us, that they looked as if the Crow had shit upon them. My Master kept a maid who was none of those huswifes that use to disturb other peoples sleeps by their early rising; she would endure three calls in a morning, and when she began to stirre, she would groan sadly, stretching out her arms and legs, and giving a two or three ha’s to get upon her breech, where she would sit in her bed half an hour lacing of her boddice, and throwing of her coats over her head, so that we were forced to put up the victuals we carried with us our selves. My Master asked me if I could not invent a way to punish her sloath? I told him I would do my best endeavor; so that day I got some Horse-hair and shred it fit for my purpose, telling my Master what I would do with it; at night when he came home, he sent the maid for two pots of Ale, when she was gone for it, I took my shred hair, and strowed the same in her bed betwixt the sheets, which plagued her worse then if she had had half a peck of six footed vermine to her bedfellows; a good while she endured it, being exceeding loath to be at the pains of putting on her Cloaths, for she always accounted the trouble of dressing and undressing her self to be a great plague inflicted on mortals to disturb them of their ease, accounting the Birds in a far happier condition than men, who go to bed and rise with their doublet and breeches on, and was resolved if she changed her Religion to have turned _Adamite_, that she might have saved that labour of dressing her self; but the hair tormented her so abominably, that _nolens volens_ she was forced to rise, and sit up until the morning, when looking in the sheets she found the cause of her disquietness; the cunning Jade made no speech of it at all, but was as pleasant that morning as if she had ailed nothing all night; which made me to mistrust my art, and think I had not done my business right. All that day she was busied with her thoughts in contriving mischief against me, the result whereof was, that she took the sheets from off her bed and laid them on mine, whereby she paid me home in my own coyn, and whereof I could not justly complain, seeing what was sause for a Goose was sauce for a Gander. I had work’d very hard that day, and would willingly have taken some rest at night, but it was in vain to think of it, I might almost have lain as well upon pins and needles as on what I did, I then thought upon the story which is usually told Boys when they first come to be Prentices concerning their enroling, that they must be rol’d in a Barrel drove full of nails, with the points sticking up, and thought this punishment to be little inferior to that; flesh and blood could not endure it, wherefore I got up and uncased my bed of the sheets, creeping in betwixt the blanckets where I lay all night. In the morning the maid asked me how I slept that night? I told her very well, for my skin was armor of proof against the biting of fleas, or any other disturbance whatsoever, but though I carried fair weather in my countenance, my heart boyled in revenge against her, wherefore that day I went and bought two penny-worth of Cow-itch, which is a drug of that nature, that where it touches the flesh, it will make them so scrub seventeen times worse than if they were plagued with the itch, with this I anointed her sheets in the same manner as I strowed them with horse-hair before; but if the hair netled, this fleyed, she had needed to have had _Briarius_ hundred hands to have scratcht her self at once, for when she came to be a little hot in her bed, she fared like a mad woman; the more she scratcht the more it itcht, so that by what she seek't to allay her paine, she encreas’d it: the going out of her bed would not cure her now, she carried her distemper along with her, so that knowing not how to ease her self, she bellowed like a Bull, and made such a quarter, that the whole house was disturbed with her bellowing. All night she continued thus; in the morning I began to play upon her, told her that the scratching of her arse signified we should have butter cheap, and that how ever things went she would be sure to _Rub_ through with them, but had I not took my heels, she had so rubbed my ears for it, as would have turned my mirth into mourning. That day was very fatal to me, and my running from the maid in the morning, prognosticated I should run from my Master before night. It so happened that we had some work to do that day at a tavern in _Thames-street_, the back-side whereof adjoyned to the _Thames_, which the Vintner would have beautified next to the water-side; now for to make him a scaffold to work on, he put the ends of two long sticks out at the window, laying a board over them for him to stand on the out-side; and on the in-side fastned the end of the one with a cord, but wanting a cord for the other, he bid me to sit on it, thereby to keep it from kicking up, thus was all things ordered, my Master gotten up upon his scaffold, which was just over the water, and I sitting on the end of the stick; he fell a singing as he was accustomed to do at his work, and I fell a nodding, being lulled a sleep with his singing; in my sleep I dreamt that my old Master the Cook was alive again, that I lived with him, and that our House was full of Guests; by and by some Gentlemen knocked in the next room, I hearing them, imagined that I was called, and thereupon cryed out, _Anon, Anon, I come I come Sir_, and thereupon fell a running, when presently up flew the stick, and down fell my Master, crying all the way he fell _help, help, I shall be drown’d_, the noise he made waked me out of my sleep, when looking forth of the window, I saw my Master floating like a shitle-cock upon the water. I seeing what had happened, thought more upon saving my self than him, imagining if he were drowned, that I should be hanged, and therefore that I might not die the death of a dog, to prevent it, I run away, leaving my Master to shift for himself, whom though yet I loved well, and would not have parted from him but for this accident.

I made great haste in going, and yet knew not whither to go; East, West, North, or South, all was indifferent to me, for it is impossible he can be out of his way to whom all ways are alike. _London_ though large and populous I judged no Coverture for me, I wanting those two great helps of concealment, mony and friends. The Country therefore I pitcht upon, invited thereto the more, it being then the merry month of _May_, the pleasantest time of all the year, the earth having then put on her richest apparel, the meddow cloathed in green, the fields beautified with flowers, and the woods adorned with Violets, Cowslips, and Primroses; the winged Choristers of the Forrest, warbled forth their ditties very harmoniously, the Lambs friskt and leapt, dancing lavalto’s on the flowry pastures, and the murmuring stream made a noyse like to a Chime of Bells, running through their winding _Meanders_. As I walked thus in the Countrey, encircled with pleasures, and every where having my eyes satiated with variety of pleasing objects, I thought my self to be in _Paradise_, and imagined no pleasure in the world comparable to that of a Country life; Happy, yea thrice happy (thought I) is he who not playing with his wings in the golden flames of the Court, nor setting his foot in the busie throngs of the City, nor running up and down in the intricate mazes of the Law, can be content in the winter to sit by a Country fire, and in the Summer to lay his head on the green pillows of the earth. The Country Cottage is neither batter’d down by the Canon in time of War, nor pester’d with clamorous Suits in time of peace. The fall of _Cedars_ that tumble from the tops of Kingdoms, the ruine of _great Houses_, that bury Families in their overthrow, and the ways of _shipwracks_, that beget even shreiks in the heart of Cities, never send their terrors thither: that place stands as safe from the shock of such violent storms, as the _Bay-tree_ does from lightening; their sleeps are secure from such dangers, and their wakings as pleasant as golden dreams. In the homely village art thou more safe, than in a fortified Castle; the stings of _Envy_, nor the bullets of _Treason_ are never shot through those thin walls: sound healths are drunk out of the wholesome wooden dish, when the Cup of Gold boyles over with Poyson. Hast thou a desire to rule? get up to the mountains, and thou shalt see the greatest trees stand trembling before thee, to do thee _Reverence_, those mayest thou call thy _Nobles_. Thou shalt have rancks of oak on each side of thee, which thou maist call thy Guard, thou shalt see _Willows_ bending at every blast; whom thou maist call thy flatterers: thou shalt see valleys humbled at thy feet; whom thou maist term thy slaves. Wouldest thou behold battels? step into the fields, there shalt thou see excellent combats between the standing Corn and the windes. Art thou a tyrant? and delightest in the fall of _great ones_? muster then thy Harvesters together, and down with those proud Summer Lords when they are at highest. Wouldest thou have _Subsidies_ paid thee? the _Plough_ sends thee in Corn, the _Meadow_ gives thee her pasture, the Trees pay thee custome with their fruit, the _Ox_ bestows upon thee his labor, the _Sheep_ his wooll, the _Cow_ her milk, the _Fowles_ their Feathers, &c. Doest thou call for _Musick_? no Prince in the world keeps more skilful musitians, the Birds are thy Consort, and the winde instruments they play upon yield ten thousand tunes.

Thus went I on contemplating the Summers pride and the Earths bravery, and from them both concluded the great felicity of a Country life, as if the one would never fade, and the other always endure; resolving in my thoughts never to see _London_ again, being ravished with the delights of the verdant fields, and enamour’d on the beauties of the Spring, accounting none truly happy, but he who enjoyed the felicities of a Country life; Is he addicted to study, Heaven is the Library; the Sun, Moon and Stars his books to teach him _Astronomy_, that great volume his _Ephemerides_ out of which he may Calculate predictions of times to follow; yea in the very clouds are written lessons of _Divinity_ for him to instruct him in wisdome, the turning over their leaves, teach him the variation of seasons, & how to dispose his business for all weathers, who therefore would not consume his youth in such delightfull studies, that have power in them to keep off old age longer than it would? or when old age doth come, is able to give it the livelyhood and vigour of youth? who would not rather sit at the foot of a hill, tending a flock of sheep, than at the helm of Authority, controuling the stubborn and unruly multitude? Better it is in the solitary woods and in the wilde fields, to be a man among _Beasts_, than in the midst of a peopled City, to be a _Beast_ amongst men.

As I was thus stricken into admiration of these _beauties_, and wholy taken up in contemplations of the felicities of an retired life, being already in my thoughts an absolute Country-man, I being now some miles distant from the _Metropolitan_ City of our fruitful _Albion_, on a sudden the welkin began to rore, and send forth terrible peales of thunder, the serene sky was over-shadowed, and _Ph[oe]bus_ hid his head behind a cloud, the Heavens began first to weep small tears, afterwards to pour them in full Rivolets upon the thirsty earth, I had then no Pent-house to walk under to keep me from the rain, nor was there a red lattice at every nook and corner (as at _London_) to give me entertainment; the spreading boughs of the sturdy oak were too feeble to defend me from being wet; I looked like a drench't Mouse, having never a dry thread on me; what to do I knew not, money I had but little, friends none, a stranger both to the place and people, unexperienced in the world, as in the way where I travelled; the consideration of those things made me add more moysture to the earth by the salt tears that trickled from my eyes; to stand still I thought was in vain, so forwards I went wet without, and dry within, (sorrow they say causeth drowth) at length I spyed by a corner of a wood a little thatcht Cottage, thither I went, and found by an old rotten stick that darted out of it, in imitation of a Sign-post, that it was an Ale-house; this something revived my drooping spirits, so in I went, to dry my out-side and wet my in-side, where I found a good fire, and store of company of both sexes merrily trouling the bowl about, singing of Catches, and smoaking Tobacco; no sooner was I entered, but one of them drank to me a full cup, so down I sat amongst them, being all alike free Citizens of the wide world, the strong Ale soon washed away all sorrow from my heart, and now that I had a warm fire to sit by, and a house over my head, I bid a fig for all foul weather.

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CHAP. XIV.

_He lighteth on a company of_ Canting Beggars, _and is stalled one of
their society, is married to a_ Doxy, _with the manner of their
wedding._

This company that I thus happened into was a _Crew_ of _Canting Beggars_, Pilgrims of the vast earth, the offspring of _Cain_, vagabonds and wanderers over the whole world, fit Companions for such who make a trade for Idleness and Roguery, and these were at this time fit companions for me, who seeing the merry life they led, resolved to make one of their company, whereupon (after I had a little more ingratiated my self amongst them, and taken two or three cups more of _Rum-booz_) I imparted my inventions to one of the chief of them, telling him that I was a Prentice who had a curst Master, whose cruelties had caused me to run away from him, and that what ever fortune might betide me, yet should not the most necessitous condition I could be plunged into, ever make me to return to him again, and therefore if I might be admitted into their society, I should faithfully observe and perform what rules and orders were imposed upon me.

He very much applauded me for my resolutions, telling me that to be a _Beggar_ was to be a _brave man_ since it was now in fashion for brave men to beg. Do not we (said he) come all into the world like arrant _Beggars_, without a rag upon us; and do not we all go out of the world like _Beggars_, without any thing saving only an old sheet to cover us? shall we then be ashamed to walk up and down in the world like _Beggars_, with old Blankets pinn’d about us? no, no, that were a shame to us indeed; have we not the whole kingdom to walk at our pleasure? are we afraid of the approach of Quarter-day? do we walk in fear of Bailiffs, Serjeants and Catch-poles? whoever knew an arrant _Beggar_ arrested for debt? is not our meat drest in every mans Kitchen? does not every mans cellar afford us beer? and the best mens purses keep a penny for us to spend?

Having by these words (as he thought) fully fixed me in love with begging, he then acquainted the Company with my desires, who were all of them very joyful thereof, being as glad to add one to their society, as a _Turk_ is to gain a Proselite to _Mahomet_. The first question that they asked me was, if I had any _Loure_ in my _Bung_? I stared on them not knowing what they meant, till at last one told me it was mony in my purse; I told them I had but eighteen pence, which I freely gave them; this by a general vote was condemned to be spent in _Bouse_ for my initiation. Then they commanded me to kneel down, which being done, one of the chief of them took a Gage of _Bowse_, which is a quart of drink, and poured the same on my head, saying, I do by vertue of this Soveraign liquor, _stall thee to the Rogue_, and make thee a free Denizen of our ragged Regiment; so that henceforth it shall be lawful for thee to _Cant_ and to carry a _Doxy_ or _Mort_ along with thee, only observing these rules. First that thou art not to wander up and down all Countries, but to keep only to that Quarter which is allotted to thee! and secondly, thou art to give way to any of us that have born all the Offices of the _Wallet_ before thee, and upon holding up a finger to avoid any Town or Country village where thou seest we are forraging to victual our army that march along with us. Observing these two rules, we take thee into our protection, and adopt thee a Brother of our numerous society.

He having ended his oration, I rose up, and was congratulated by all the Company, hanging about me like so many dogs about a Beare, and leaping and shouting like so many mad men, making such a confused noyse with their gabling, that the melody of a dozen oyster-wives at _Billingsgate_, the scolding at ten Conduits, and the Gossipings of fifteen Bake-houses were not comparable unto it. At length he that _stalled me_ cryed out for silence, bidding the French and English Pox to light on their throats for making such a yelping; then fixing his eyes upon me, he read a Lecture to me out of the Devils Hornbook as followeth.

Now (saith he) that thou art enter’d into our fraternity, thou must not scruple to act any villanies which thou shall be able to perform; whether it be to _nip_ a _bung_, _bite_ the _Peter_, _Cloy_ the _Lurries_, _Crash_ either a _Bleating cheat_, _Cackling cheat_, _grunting cheat_, _quacking cheat_, _Tib oth buttery_, _Margery prater_, or to _Cloy a Mish_ from the _Crackmans_: that is, to _cut_ a _purse_, _steal a Cloak-bag_ or _portmantle_, _convey_ away all manner of _Cloaths_, either a _Sheep_, _Chicken_, _sucking Pig_, _Duck_, _Goose_, _Hen_, or _steal_ a _shirt_ from the hedg; for he that will be a _Quier Cove_, a profest Rogue, must observe this rule, set down by an ancient _Patrico_ in these words.

_Wilt thou a begging go,
O perse o, o perse o,
Then must thou God forsake
And to the Devil thee betake
O perse o, &c._

And because thou art as yet but a Novice in begging, and understandest not the mysteries of the _Canting_ language, to principle thee the better, thou shalt have a _Doxy_ to be thy Companion, by whom thou maist receive fit instructions for thy purpose. And thereupon he singled me out a young Girl of about fourteen years of age, which tickled my fancy very much that I had gotten a young wanton to dally withal; but this was not all, I must presently be married unto her after their fashion by their _Patrico_, (who amongst _Beggars_ is their Priest) which was done after this manner.

They got a Hen, and having cut off the head of it, laid the dead body upon the ground, placing me on the one side of it, and my _Doxy_ on the other; this being done, the _Patrico_ standing by, with a loud voice _bid us live together till death did us part_; then one of the Company went into the yard and fetcht a dry Cow-turd, which was broken over my _Dox’s_ head in imitation of a Bride-cake; and so shaking hands, and kissing each other, the Ceremony of the wedding was over, and for joy of the marriage we fell to drinking afresh, till we were all _as drunk as Beggars_; but then to hear the gabling noyse we made, would have made you to have blest your self, to hear such a _Babel_ of confusion amongst us, some were jabbering in the _Canting Language_, others in their own, some did nothing but weep and protest love to their _Morts_, others swore swords and daggers to cut the throats of their _Doxy’s_ if they found them tripping; one would drink a health to the Bride till he slavered again, some were for singing Bawdy songs, others were divising Curses for Justices of Peace, Head-boroughs, and Constables; at last night approaching, and all their mony being spent, we betook us to a Barn not far off, where we _coucht a Hogshead in the darkmans_, and went to sleep.

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CHAP. XV.

_The Orders and Degrees of the Canting Beggars, Men and Women, with
their several qualities and manner of life._

Though my lodging was homely, my bedfellow pleased, yet though she were so young, I could not boast of the purchase of her Maidenhead, that being a dainty bestowed always on the _Upright-men_ (the chief of the Rogues) who must have the first taste of such morsels, and then are they free for any of the Brother-hood. The whole night was spent in prigging, wapping; and telling of drunken stories; in the morning as soon as _Ph[oe]bus_ began to dart some of his beams through the Crannies of the walls, the _Patrico_ began to set up his _larum_, and to waken the rest with this song.

_This is_ Bien Bowse, _this is_ Bien Bowse,
_Too little is my skew._
_I_ Bowse _no_ Lage, _but a whole_ Gage
_Of this ile_ Bowse _to you._

_This_ Bowse _is better than_ Rom-Bowse,
_It sets the_ Gan _a gigling;_

_The_ Autem Mort _finds better sport_
_In_ Bowsing _than in_ nigling.

_Tis better than_ Peckidge, Plannam,
_Than_ Yarum, Loure, _or_ Lage;
_Then lift the same up to thy_ Nab,
_And_ Bowse _off a whole_ Gage.

Being thus rowsed, and having shaken our eares a little, the _Upright man_ (who was the Bel-weather of the flock) appointed out the station wherein every one should go, prefixing a day wherein we were all to meet again. My _Doxy_ and I had a particular walk assigned unto us, wherein we were to travel, and not to intrench upon any of the others limits; whilst I thus rambled about with her, I learned of her the several qualities and offices of the Brother-hood, and how they were distinguished from each other according to their degrees of _superiority_ and _inferiority_: the men were divided into these twenty several sorts.

1 _Upright men._
2 _Rufflers._
3 _Anglers._
4 _Rogues._
5 _Wilde Rogues._
6 _Priggers of Prancers._
7 _Palliards, or Clapperdugeons._
8 _Fraters._
9 _Quire Birds._
10 _Abraham-men._
11 _Whip-jacks._
12 _Counterfeit Crancks._
13 _Dummerars._
14 _Jack-men._
15 _Patrico’s._
16 _Irish Toyles._
17 _Swigmen._
18 _Glymmerars._
19 _Curtalls._
20 _Kinchen Co’s._

Of the Women kinde were only these six.

1 _Kitchen Morts._
2 _Dells._
3 _Doxies._
4 _Walking Morts._
5 _Autem Morts._
6 _Bawdy Baskets._

And now what these several sorts of people are, you shall hear by their descriptions.

1. An _Upright-man_ is the chief of all the Ragged Regiment, he walks like a Commander with a short Truncheon in his hand which he calls his _Filch-man_; pretends himself to be a decayed Souldier, and claimes a share in all the Booties which any other inferior _Rogues_ do get; he hath all the _Morts_ and _Doxies_ at his beck, and can command them from any other of the _Gang_ at his pleasure. By this description you see there is a great deal of difference betwixt an _Upright man_ and an _honest man_.

2 A _Ruffler_ is the same in Conditions as an _Upright man, like to like quoth the_ Devil _to the_ Collier; they both of them pretend themselves to be decayed Souldiers, are both of them very imperious over the inferior Subjects of their _Common-wealth_: receiving tribute also from _Rogues_, _Palliards_, _Morts_, _Doxies_, _&c._

3 The next are _Anglers_, but they seldome catch Fish till they go up _Westward_ for _Flounders._ The Rod they angle with is a staff of five or six foot in length, having a hole bored through it within an inch of the top, into which hole do they put an iron hook, and with the same do they angle at windows about midnight, drawing therewith apparrel, sheets, coverlets, or whatsoever they lay hold on, _All is Fish that comes to Net_.

4 A _Rogue_, whose very name doth show his nature, and therefore he shall not need any further description.

5 A _Wild Rogue_ is of the same nature as a _Rogue_, only this is the difference, that the one falls into this infamous and detestable course of life, either thorough laziness, death of Parents, cruelty of Masters, or the like, the wild _Rogue_ is bred up to it from his swadling clouts, born a _Rogue_, lives all his whole life a _Rogue_, and disdaines to take upon him any calling or profession whatsoever, but as he lives, so dies a _Rogue_.

6 _Priggers of Prancers_ are Horse-stealers, for to _Prig_, signifies in the _Canting language_ to steal, and _Prancer_ signifies a Horse, the Farmers in the Country, and Gentlemen that keep Horses, know these sorts of _Rogues_ too well, by dear experience.

7 _Palliards_, otherwise called _Clapperdugeons_, who go alwayes with their _Morts_ at their heels, and to draw people the more to pitty them, with _Sperewort_ or _Arsnick_ raise blisters on their legs, which they can cure again at their pleasure. When they come into the streets of a Town or Country village, they divide themselves, and beg one on one side of the street, and the other on the other side; the purchase which they thus get, they sell to poor Tradesmen, or other labouring people, and with the money are merry at the Bowsing-ken.

8 A _Frater_ is one that with a Counterfeit Patent goeth about with a wallet at his back, and a black box at his girdle, to beg for some Hospital or Spittle-house; he hath always a _Doxy_ whom he meets withall at night at some tippling-house, where they lewdly spend what was given him in the day by charitable well-minded people.

9 _Quire Birds_ are those in whom the Proverb is verified, _Birds of a feather, Rogues together_, they are such as formerly sung in such Cages as _Newgate_, the _White Lyon_, or some other Country _Goale_.

10 _Abraham-men_, or a _Tom of Bedlam_ is a man whom by his black and blew arms you may see to be much beaten to the world; he counterfeits madness, and by many Phantastick tricks gets from silly Country people Bacon, and such other victuals as will fetch him ready money; he hath but two names for all people whatsoever, and that is _Tom_ and _Bess_. No man shifts his linnen oftner than he does his wenches.

11 _Whipjacks_ are such as travel about from town to town under the notion of Shipwrackt _Seamen_, with a counterfeit licence to beg, which licence they call a _Gybe_, and the seals to it _Jarks_; their talk is all of Sea-voyages, but the end of their Land-voyage is for what they can get, and to rob Booths at Fairs, which they call _Heaving of the Booth_, at which they are very expert.

12 _Counterfeit Cranks_ are such as pretend themselves to have the _Falling-sickness_, and by putting a piece of white soap into the corner of their mouths, will make the froath to come boyling forth to cause pitty in the beholders; they stare wildly with their eyes to appear as if distracted, and go half naked to move the greater compassion. These _Cranks_ have likewise their meetings, and their wenches at command.

13 The _Dummerar_ is Cousin-German to the _Cranks_, for as the one counterfeits the _falling-sickness_, so this counterfeits dumbness, making a horrid noise instead of speech by doubling his tongue in his mouth, but if you give him nothing, he can then open his mouth to curse you privately. This _Jack_ hath also his _Jill_, upon whom he spends his _Loure_ at the _Bowsingken_.

14 A _Jackman_ is one that can write and reade, yea some of them have a smattering in the _Latine_ tongue; which learning of theirs advances them in office amongst the _Beggars_, as to be _Clark of their Hall_, or the like. His employment is to make _Gybes_ with _Jarkes_ to them, which are counterfeit licences with seals, by which he gets store of money to make himself drunk withal.

15 The _Patrico_ is their Priest, every hedge is his Parish, and every wandring Rogue and Whore is his Parishioner. His service is onely marrying of couples, by bidding them go together and multiply, and fill the world with a generation of vagabonds.

16 _Irish Toyls_ are lusty Rogues who go about with a wallet at their back, in which they carry pinns, poynts, laces, and such like, and under colour of selling such wares commit many villanies.

17 A _Swigman_ is a degree higher than an _Irish toyle_, as a Tavern exceeds an Ale-house, for he carries a pack behind him in stead of a wallet, and is stored with more sorts of ware than the other, yet differs little from him in honesty; they both pay tribute to the _Upright man_, as to their chief.

18 _Glymmerars_ are such as travel up and down with licences to beg, because their houses have been consumed with fire, for _Glymmer_ in the _Canting tongue_ signifies fire. They use a very sad tone in their begging, and tell a lamentable story how the fire destroyed their Barns, Stables, &c. by which lying tales they get store of _Loure_ to buy _Bub_ at the _Bowsingken_.

19 _Curtals_ are so called because they wear short Cloases, being of the same nature as the Rogues described before.

20 The last _ranck_ of this _Rambling Crew_ are termed _Kinchin Co’s_, being little Boys, whose Parents were formerly _Beggars_, but are now dead, or else such as have run away from their Masters, and instead of a trade to live by, follow this kinde of life to be lowsie by. The first thing they` do is to learn how to _Cant_, and the onely thing they practice is to creep in at windows or Cellar doors.

Thus have I given you a brief description of the men, by which you may give a shrewd guess of the women; for you cannot imagine if the one were _Devils_, that the other would be _Saints_, take them therefore in their own Character.

* * * * *

1. Of this sort the first of them are called _Kinchen Morts_, their Mothers carry at their backs in their _Slates_, id est, _sheets_. When the _Morts_ beg, they use to prick these _Kinchens_ with pins, that by their crying they may move people to a speedier distribution of their alms.

2. _Dells_ are young wenches that have not lost their maiden-heads, but being once deflowred, (which commonly is when they are very young) they then change the name of _Dell_ into _Doxy_, even as maids when they come to be married, loose that appellation, and are called women.

3. _Doxeys_ are such as have been deflowred by the _Upright-men_, and are after common to any of the Brotherhood. They will if they see convenient for a small piece of money prostitute their bodies to any that will deal with them, and do too often murther those Infants which are so gotten. They have one special badge to be known by, for most of them go working of laces and shirt-strings, or such like stuff, onely to give colour to their idle wandring.

4. A _walking Mort_ is one that hath increased the world with Lullaby-cheats or young Children, yet was never married; they are very dangerous Queans to meet withal, being cunning in dissembling, and without all fear of God and good laws; and are kept in awe onely by the _Upright-men_, who oftentimes rifle them of all that they have.

5. An _Autem Mort_ is another sort of these _she-devils_, and differs onely from a _walking Mort_ in that she is married; for _Autem_ in the Canting tongue signifies a _Church_, although that be a place she seldom comes at. They commonly walk with their Wallets on their shoulders, and _Slates_ or sheets at their backs, and will pilfer any thing that lies carelesly about houses, which they call in their language _Nilling of the ken_. Their Husbands commonly are _Rufflers_, _Upright-men_, _Wilde Rogues_, _&c._

6. The last of this _Ragged Regiment_ are called _Bawdy Baskets_, which are women that walk with Baskets or Cap-cases on their arms, wherein they have pinns, points, needles, and such like things to sell, going thus from house to house, to sell their ware; buy _Cunny-skins_, and steal what they can lay their hands on, driving three trades at once. They are very fair spoken, and will seldome swear whilest they are selling their wares, but will lie with any man that hath a minde to them. The _Upright-men_ and these are in perfect league and amity one with another.

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