Chapter XV: Military, Naval, and Flag Etiquette

THE social usage in respect to military or naval officers follows ordinarily the customs of formal occasions or occasions of state in civilian life, or is provided for in the instructions of the army and the navy, which the members of those two departments of the service would alone be expected to know. There are, however, one or two occasions where the etiquette of social life is, or may be, modified by the formalities due to these representatives of the Government.

_The Formal Military Wedding_

The church or formal home wedding where the bridegroom and his attendants are all army men, may have the distinctive feature of the arch of swords or bayonets. The bridegroom and the ushers, in that case, are all in full dress uniform. The bride and bridesmaids are dressed daintily and fluffily to afford contrast. The church should be decorated with palms and lilies, and with the national and the regimental flags in the chancel. As the organist begins the wedding-march, two color-bearers of the regiment, carrying one the national flag and the other the regimental colors, precede the bridegroom and the best man from the vestry. The latter take their usual places, and the color-bearers move to a position at either side of the chancel steps. After the ceremony, they move to the head of the aisle, and the ushers form a line to the foot of the chancel steps. The ushers then put on their caps, unsheathe their swords, or raise their bayonets, and form an arch with them. Under this arch pass the bride and bridegroom, and the bridesmaids. Then, sheathing their swords and removing their caps, the ushers fall into line at the end of the procession.

_Naval and Yachting Usage_

When one is the guest of the owners or the officers of a yacht, or of the officers of a government warship or other large vessel, it is well to know that in the lading of the gig for reaching and leaving the ship, the order of precedence is always as follows: Juniors in rank or official importance enter the gig first, and the one highest in rank immediately precedes the Captain, who is always the last to embark and the first to disembark. In leaving the gig, the order is reversed from that on entering it, the junior in rank thus being the last to leave the boat.

_The Etiquette of the Flag_

The flag is displayed every day only on government buildings and schoolhouses. On state holidays, and like commemorative days when it is customary for the flag to be displayed on private buildings, it should be raised at sunrise and lowered at sunset. It should not be displayed on stormy days, nor left out over night. It should never be allowed to touch the ground. When it is to be displayed at half-mast only, it should be raised to the tip of the staff and then lowered halfway. It should never be festooned or draped, but always be hung flat.

On Memorial Day, May 30, the flag should be displayed at half-mast until twelve o'clock noon, and then raised to the top of the staff until sunset. The salute for the changing of the position of the flag at all army posts and stations having artillery, is as follows: immediately before noon, the band plays some appropriate air, and at the stroke of twelve the national salute of twenty-one guns is fired. After this the flag is hoisted to the peak of the staff, while everybody stands at attention, with hand raised to the forehead ready for the salute. When the colors reach the top, the salute is given, and the band plays patriotic airs.

The salute to the flag is used at its formal raising, and when it passes on parade or in review. The hand salute according to the regulations of the United States Army is as follows:

"Standing at attention, raise the right hand to the forehead over the right eye, palm downward, fingers extended and close together, arm at an angle of forty-five degrees. Move hand outward about a foot, with a quick motion then drop to the side. When the colors are passing on parade or in review, the spectator should, if walking, halt, if sitting, arise, and stand at attention and uncover."

In schools two forms of salute are taught. The first, for primary children, is: "We give our heads and our hearts to God and our country; one country, one land, one flag." The second, for all other pupils, is: "I pledge allegiance to my flag and to the Republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

When the flag is carried on parade, it is dipped in salute to the official who is reviewing the parade. Whenever the flag is displayed with other flags,--whether the colors of a regiment or other military organization, or of alien nations,--it should be placed, or carried, or crossed, at the right of the other flag or flags. When portrayed in illustrations by any process or for any purpose, it is so pictured that the staff will always be at the left and the fabric will float to the right.

The chief regulations governing the composition of the flag are as follows: In the _field_ of the flag there should be thirteen horizontal stripes, alternating red and white, the first and the last stripes red. These stripes represent the thirteen original colonies. The colors red and white were chosen by George Washington, the red from the flag of England, the Mother Country, broken by the white, symbolizing liberty, to show the separation. The _union_ of the flag--white stars on a field of blue--should be seven stripes high, and about seven-tenths of the height of the flag in length. "The stars should have five points, with one point directly upward."[A] The stars symbolize the States. "By an act of Congress on October 26, 1912, the flag now has forty-eight stars, arranged in six horizontal rows of eight each."

THE END

FOOTNOTE:

[A] Turkington, "My Country": Chapter XXIII, "Our Flag."

INDEX

Abbreviations, 99, 113, 115
Absent-mindedness, 125
Acceptances, 112
Accidents at table, 154
Accounts for children, 219, 220
Acknowledgment of wedding gifts, 211
Addresses on cards, 100;
on envelopes, 60-66, 118;
on invitations, 114, 118
Addressing:
The President of the United States, 62, 63;
Vice President, 63;
Members of the Cabinet, 64;
Ambassadors, 63, 64;
Governors, 63;
Mayors, 63;
The King of England, 64;
Dukes, 65;
The Pope, 65;
Bishops and Archbishops, 65, 66;
strangers, 66, 67;
married women, 67
Addressing wedding invitations, 118
After-dinner speeches, 166
Afternoon tea, 145
Afternoon teas for the engaged girl, 180
Allowances for children, 219, 220
Amusement, places of, 122-124, 170
Anger, 8
Anniversaries, 40
Announcement of engagement, 179-181;
by newspaper notice, 179;
by personal note, 74
Announcements: engagement, 74, 179-181;
birth, 104, 105;
death, 224, 225;
marriage, 116;
postponements, 119, 120
Answering Letters, 76
Apology, 29, 31
Appearance, personal, 6, 10
Applauding, 124
Art of Being a Guest, The, 137-144
"At Home" days, 145, 146
"At Home" invitations of bridal couple, 116, 117
Attitude toward strangers, 132, 133, 135

Balls, 112
"Bal Poudre" invitations, 112
Beauty, 10, 15
Begging pardon, 29, 82, 130
Behavior in church, 124, 125;
public, 122-136
Best man, duties of, 8, 196-199, 201, 205, 208
Birth announcements, 104, 105
Birthday anniversaries, 41
Blank invitation, the, 109, 110
Bow, the, manner of, 78, 79;
significance of, 80-82
Breakfasts, 148, 149;
dress at, 12, 36;
menu of, 148;
wedding, 204-207
Bridal party:
at rehearsal, 191;
at "showers" and dinners, 181-183;
at church, 192
Bridal procession, formation of, 196, 202, 203;
at a church wedding, 197, 199;
at a home wedding, 202
Bridal "Showers," 181-183
Bridal veil, 190
Bridegroom's duties at ceremony, 196-199;
preparation of a home, 185;
share of expense of wedding, 186;
wedding outfit, 186, 187
Bridesmaid, duties of a, 8, 196-200
Business acquaintances, 129
Business cards, 100
Business, etiquette of, 83, 129
Business introductions by correspondence, 70
Business letters, 54, 55, 60
Business meetings, 123
Business training of a wife, 23
Business women, social life of, 171, 172

Cake:
wedding, 206;
bridal, 207
Calling upon one person, 93;
a guest, 93
Calls:
after entertainment, 90, 138;
by men, 92;
first, 94, 95;
formal, 90;
friendly, 90, 93;
obligations of, 91, 138;
upon brides, 94;
clergymen, 94;
government officials in Washington, 94;
newcomers, 94;
people of note, 94;
return of, 90, 95;
time of, 90
Candles, use of, 151
Card, The Personal, 96-105;
form of, 96, 105;
form of name on, 97, 98;
inscription of, 97-100;
titles on, 97, 100, 101;
use of, 102-105;
after change of residence, 103;
announcing a birth, 104, 105;
announcing a departure, 104;
leaving, 90, 91, 103;
of sympathy, 104;
of congratulation, 104;
presenting at calls, 91, 95, 102;
when visiting or traveling, 103, 131
Cards, Place, 152
Carriages for wedding, 193, 196;
for funeral, 226
Casual Meetings, 78-90
Chaperon, Duties of the, 169-173;
necessity of, 169;
in public, 169, 170;
at calls, 170, 172;
with the engaged couple, 173;
for the débutante, 172;
relations with one's, 172, 173;
at a dancing party, 139, 147
Character, 7
Children, Etiquette for, 214-223;
and mourning, 222;
and servants, 214, 223;
and visitors, 221, 222;
at the dining table, 217;
in church, 220
Church, attendance, 143;
behavior in, 124, 125;
of children, 220
Church weddings, public, 194, 213;
private, 213;
invitations, 114-119
Cleanliness, 14
Club dinners or receptions, 165, 166
Club invitations, 111
Club officers, 165
Conclusions of letters, 66, 70
Coffee, service of, 154
Condolence, letters of, 75, 76;
acknowledgment, 76, 120
Congratulations, 76
Conformity to custom, 203
Congresses, guests at, 167
Consideration on the part of a guest, 141-143
Convalescence, 45
Conversation, 16, 48-52;
at table, 35, 46
Correspondence, 52-55
Correspondence cards, 56
Country, entertainment in the, 161-164;
parties, 144, 164
Country wedding, 117, 212, 213
Courses at formal dinner, 157, 158
Courtesy, 2, 3, 4, 5, 18, 19, 20;
to servants, 45, 46, 47, 144;
to nurse and doctor, 45;
to invalids, 44
Cutlery, arrangement of, 152

Dancing Parties, 138, 139, 140;
invitations, 109-111
Daylight, use of, 149
Deaf persons, 32
Debate, 50, 51
Débutante and the chaperon, 169, 172
Decorations for wedding, 192
Deference to elders, 214
Dessert, service of, 154, 158
Dinners, 149-158;
announcement of, 155;
choice of guests, 150;
conversation at, 49, 150;
formal, 137, 149;
invitations to, 109, 150;
lighting of, 151;
menu of, 157, 158;
place cards for, 152;
retiring from, 156;
seating guests at, 151, 155, 156;
service of, 152, 153;
table-setting for, 151, 152
Discipline, 46, 47
Dress, 11, 36, 112, 128, 134, 140, 186-190
Dress for men:
afternoon, 13, 94;
early breakfast, 13;
formal breakfast, 13;
evening, 14, 156;
at weddings, 14, 186
Dress for women:
at home, 16;
ball, 13;
church, 12, 189;
dinner, 12, 13, 150, 155, 189;
formal breakfast, 12;
house party, 140;
luncheon, 12;
mourning, 13;
traveling, 130, 141;
visiting, 140;
wedding, 187-189;
as business woman, 15;
as hostess, 13;
as housewife, 16;
as milliner, 15
Driving, 127, 128
Duties of Host and Hostess, 145-168

Emerson, iv
Engaged couple, the:
at a dancing party, 139;
at home, 177;
duties to friends, 178;
in society, 177-179;
meeting each other's friends, 178, 179
Engagement announcements, 179-181
Engagement, The Broken, 183-185;
announcement of, 183, 184;
explanation of, 184
Engagements:
punctuality, 17, 32;
punctiliousness in keeping, 17
English customs of entertainment, 158, 159
Engraved Invitation, The, 105-121;
stock of, 105, 106;
type of, 106, 107, 108;
size of, 105, 106
Entering a room, 27
Entertainment, assisting in, 123, 124;
English customs of, 159;
for guests, 142, 162;
in the country, 163
Entertainment committees, duties of, 166
Envelopes, 118;
addressing, 59, 60, 61, 114, 118;
sealing, 59;
stamping, 59
Ethics, 1
Etiquette, an art, 2;
the end of, iii;
the need of, iii, 2;
The Rewards of, 1-5
Etiquette of Mourning, 224-230
Etiquette of the Marriage Engagement, The, 174-193

Family Etiquette, 20-47
Faults among women, 18
Fees, 144
Festivities, rural, 164
Finger bowls, 37
First Calls, 94, 95
Five o'clock tea, 145
Forms of wedding invitations, 114, 115;
announcements, 115, 116;
reception cards, 116, 117;
bridal "At Home" cards, 116, 117;
personal cards, 96-105;
dinner invitations, 109;
reception, 117; "At Home," 116, 117, 120;
party, 109;
New Year, 121
Forms of announcements of postponement, 119, 120;
gratitude for sympathy, 120
Friends, 21, 42-44

General Rules of Conduct, 26-33
Gifts, 40, 41, 42;
engagement, 181, 185;
for "showers," 181-183;
of bridegroom to bride, 186;
of bridegroom to ushers and bridesmaids, 186;
to servants, 144;
wedding, 210-213
Giving away the bride, 198
Gloves, 149, 151
Golden Rule, 2
Good-night formalities, 28;
at a reception, 138;
dancing party, 140;
dinner, 156
Graduations, 167, 168
Greeting guests at a luncheon, 149;
dinner, 156;
reception, 147
Greetings, 28, 78-83
Guest chamber, 160, 161
Guest, the art of being a, 137-144, 167
Guest:
at afternoon tea, 137, 138;
a congress, etc., 166, 167;
country house, 159;
dancing party, 138;
reception, 138;
wedding, 195, 196, 201
Guests, tardiness of, 155

Handshaking, 80, 82, 86, 87
Handwriting, 58
Haughtiness, 11
Home, founding the, 20-26
Home wedding, the, 201-203;
invitations, 115
Horseback riding, 128, 129
Hospitality, 145, 165-168
Hotel etiquette, 126, 127, 133-136;
dining-room civility, 135-136;
dress in, 134
House parties, 158, 159;
sports at, 163
Household management, 22
Host, duties of, 137, 166-168
Hostess, duties of, 127, 137

Illness, 44, 45
Impartiality, 30
Informality in entertaining, 164
Ink, 58
Inscriptions on cards, 97-100
Interruptions, 17, 49
Introduction, letters of, 70-72;
advisability of, for business, 70;
socially, 70, 71;
presentation of, 72;
obligations of, 72
Introductions, 84-89, 148;
at chance meetings, 87;
at a dancing party, 87, 89, 138, 139;
at a dinner, 89, 149;
by a guest, 86;
by a hostess, 86, 90;
discrimination in, 85;
form of, 84;
of a gentleman to a lady, 84, 86, 88;
responses to, 84;
responsibility for, 88;
to one's relatives, 88
Invitations (_See_ "Engraved Invitation, The");
for dinner and dance, 111;
entertainment at club, 111;
formal, 105-121;
informal, 74, 112;
of widower, 111, 113;
bachelor, 111, 113;
widower with daughters, 111;
to call, 93;
to "Bal Poudre," 112;
dancing or other parties, 109;
dinners, 109;
luncheons, 108;
receptions, 117, 120, 121;
"showers," 182;
visits, 158;
weddings, 114-117;
to meet a guest, 120, 146;
to meet a son, 113;
to mourners, 114
Invitations, written, 110, 112;
acceptances of, 112;
replies to, 113

Jewelry, 12

Kant, 2

Letter writing, 52;
discretion in, 52, 53
Letters:
Conclusion of, 66;
of classic literature, 53;
of condolence, 75, 76;
of Introduction, 70-72;
of recommendation, 73;
opening those of others, 24;
opening, in company, 29;
Salutation of, 66-68;
Signature of, 66-69;
to servants, 74;
to strangers, 74;
giving orders, 74
Letter-heads, 56, 57
Lifting the hat, 78, 81, 82, 83
Linen, for dinner, 151;
trousseau, 189, 190
Luncheon, 148, 149;
menu of, 148;
dress at, 12

Maid of honor, duties of, 197, 199
Management of household, 22
Mannerisms, 17
Manners, 7
Marriage, 20, 21;
ceremony, 197, 198;
certificate, 191;
customs, 203;
license, 190;
obligations of, 20-26
Men's cards, 96;
club name on, 100;
form of, 96;
inscription on, 97;
omission of address, 100;
titles on, 97, 100, 101
Monograms, 56
Monopoly of conversation, 49;
in friendship, 43, 44
Morals, 7
Mourning, dress of, 227-229;
Etiquette of, 224-230;
periods of, 227;
stationery of, 228
Music at a wedding, 197, 200, 202

Neatness, 14, 46, 129
Neglect of family, 22, 25
Nichols, Dr. T. L., 9, title-page
Non-acknowledgment of courtesies, 18
Notes, apologetic 55;
congratulatory, 76;
requesting a favor, 55;
social, 57, 58;
sympathetic, 75, 76

Obligations of letters of introduction, 72
Old English type, 106-108
Openings, formal business, 165
Out-door weddings, 212

Paper for correspondence, 55
Parents:
consideration for, 217;
consulting, 174;
duties of, 169, 170;
negligence of, 173
Party invitations, 109, 110, 112
Penmanship of invitations, 110
Personal Card, The, 96-105
Personality, 6-19
Picnics, 163, 161
Place cards, 151, 152
Plates, service of, 153
Position, 10;
at table, 33
Posture, 10, 28
"P. p. c." cards, 99
Presentation of letters of introduction, 72
Presents: birthday, 41;
graduation, 42;
to the ill, 45;
wedding, 40, 210-212
Press notices, of engagements, 179;
funerals, 224, 225
Privacy, 24
Professional cards, 100
Proposal of marriage, 174-179;
by letter, 175;
decision of, 175;
spontaneity of, 176;
warding off, 175
Public Behavior in, 122-136
Public functions, 165-168
Punctuality, 17, 32, 142, 149, 154;
at church, 125;
at funerals, 229;
for children, 217, 218

Receiving, at an afternoon tea, 147;
dancing party, 147;
débutante party, 147
Reception, guest at, 137, 138
Receptions, 137, 147;
business openings, 165;
college or school, 167;
club, 165
Recommendation, letters of, 73
Rehearsal for wedding, 191
Rejection of proposals, 175
Removing hats in public places, 18, 122
Replies to business letters, 76;
friendly letters, 76;
letters of introduction, 72;
notes of invitation, 76
Reply requests, 73
Reverence, 125
Riding dress, 128
"R. s. v. p.," 113
Rural festivities, 164

Sacrifices, 42, 45
Salutations, 28;
of letters, 66-68
Savings banks for children, 220
School behavior, 218, 219
Script type, 106-108
Sealing Envelopes, 59
Seating guests at table, 151, 165, 156
Self-consciousness, 10
Self-control, 8, 31, 215
Send-off of bridal couple, 207
Servants, 73, 144;
and children, 223;
in the country, 161
Service of a dinner, 152-158
Shaded Roman type, 106-108
"Showers," Bridal, 181-183
Signatures, 66-70
Simplicity in the country, 161-164
Sincerity, 7, 9
Social introductions by correspondence, 70-72
Social calls of men, 92-94
Social life of the married, 24
Speech, 7, 16
Speeches, after-dinner, 166;
at wedding breakfast, 206
Stamping Envelopes, 59
Stationery for mourning, 57, 228
Stock of invitations, 105, 106
Strangers, addressing, 66, 67;
attitude toward, 122, 124, 130-132, 135
Street etiquette, 129, 132, 133
Sympathy cards, 120

Table etiquette, 33-40;
for children, 217
Third-person letters, 74
Time of wedding, 194
Tips, 144
Titles on cards, 97, 100, 101
Training of servants, 46
Traveling, 130, 131;
dress, 130;
expense, 131
Trousseau, 187-190
Type of invitations, 100-108

Unselfishness, 9
Use of cards, 102-106
Ushers, at wedding, duties of, 195-198, 201

Visits, 158-165;
being entertained, 142, 162, 164;
dress, 140;
entertainment, 158, 159, 163, 164;
length, 158;
prolonging, 142

Wardrobe of bride, 187-189;
of bridegroom, 186
Wedding, anniversaries, 40, 41;
breakfast, 204-206;
cake, 206, 207;
fee, 208-210;
invitations, 114-119;
journey, 208;
preparation for, 185-193;
presents, 210-212;
reception, 205, 207;
ring, 191;
suit for bridegroom, 186, 187;
wardrobe of bride, 187-189
Whispering, 29, 123
Withdrawal from society during mourning, 224, 227, 228
Writing on cards, 99

* * * * *

Transcriber's Notes:

Obvious punctuation errors repaired.

This text uses both out-door and outdoor. This was retained.

Page viii, "Person" changed to "person" (Third-person Correspondence)

Page 57, "Letter" changed to "letter" (Dead-Letter Office)

End of Project Gutenberg's The Etiquette of To-day, by Edith B. Ordway