Chapter XXXII: Preface (31)

He was succeeded by Sir Jeffery Dunstan, who was returned for three parliaments, and was the most popular candidate that ever appeared on the Garrat hustings. His occupation was that of buying OLD WIGS, once an article of trade like that in old clothes, but become obsolete since the full-bottomed and full-dressed wigs of both sexes went out of fashion. Sir Jeffery usually carried his wig-bag over his shoulder, and, to avoid the charge of vagrancy, vociferated, as he passed along the street, “old wigs;” but, having a person like Esop, and a countenance and manner marked by irresistible humour, he never appeared without a train of boys, and curious persons, whom he entertained by his sallies of wit, shrewd sayings, and smart repartees; and from whom, without begging, he collected sufficient to maintain his dignity of mayor and knight. He was no respecter of persons, and was so severe in his jokes on the corruptions and compromises of power, that this street-jester, was prosecuted for using what were then called seditious expressions; and, as a caricature on the times, which ought never to be forgotten, he was in 1793 tried, convicted, and imprisoned! In consequence of this affair, and some charges of dishonesty, he lost his popularity, and, at the general election for 1796, was ousted by Sir Harry Dimsdale, muffin-seller, a man as much deformed as himself. Sir Jeffery could not long survive his fall; but, in death as in life, he proved a satire on the vices of the proud, for in 1797 he died, like Alexander the Great, and many other heroes renowned in the historic page--of suffocation from excessive drinking!

Sir Harry Dimsdale dying also before the next general election, and no candidate starting of sufficient originality of character, and, what was still more fatal, the victuallers having failed to raise a PUBLIC PURSE, which was as stimulating a bait to the _independent_ candidates for Garrat, as it is to the _independent_ candidates for a certain assembly; the borough of Garrat has since remained vacant, and the populace have been without a _professed_ political buffoon.

None but those who have seen a London mob on any great holiday can form a just idea of these elections. On several occasions, a hundred thousand persons, half of them in carts, in hackney-coaches, and on horse and ass-back, covered the various roads from London, and choked up all the approaches to the place of election. At the two last elections, I was told, that the road within a mile of Wandsworth was so blocked up by vehicles, that none could move backward or forward during many hours; and that the candidates, dressed like chimney-sweepers on May-day, or in the mock fashion of the period, were brought to the hustings in the carriages of peers, drawn by six horses, the owners themselves condescending to become their drivers[220]!

* * * * *

Before relating certain amusing facts which have never before appeared in print, or giving further particulars respecting Sir Jeffery Dunstan and Sir Henry Dimsdale, it seems fitting to add from the “Gentleman’s Magazine” of 1781, as follows:--

“Wednesday June 25, the septennial mock election for Garrat was held this day; and upwards of 50,000 people were, on that ludicrous occasion, assembled at Wandsworth.”

In the same volume there is an article which, as it is the only other notice in that useful miscellany concerning this celebrated usage, and as there is not any notice of it in other magazines of the time, is here annexed.

_July, 25._

Mr. URBAN.--The learned antiquary finds a pleasure in tracing the origin of ancient customs, even when time has so altered them as totally to obliterate their use. It may therefore not be unpleasing to the generality of your readers, while it is yet recent in memory, to record in your Magazine the laudable motive that gave rise to the farcical custom of electing a Mayor of Garrat, which is now become truly ridiculous.

I have been told, that about thirty years ago, several persons who lived near that part of Wandsworth which adjoins to Garrat Lane, had formed a kind of club, not merely to eat and drink, but to concert measures for removing the encroachments made on that part of the common, and to prevent any others being made for the future. As the members were most of them persons in low circumstances, they agreed at every meeting to contribute some small matter, in order to make up a purse for the defence of their collective rights. When a sufficient sum of money was subscribed, they applied to a very worthy attorney in that neighbourhood, who brought an action against the encroachers in the name of the president (or, as they called him, the MAYOR) of the club. They gained their suit with costs; the encroachments were destroyed; and ever after, the president, who lived many years, was called “The Mayor of Garrat.”

This event happening at the time of a general election, the ceremony upon every new parliament, of choosing _outdoor_ members for the borough of Garrat, has been constantly kept up, and is still continued, to the great emolument of all the publicans at Wandsworth, who annually subscribe to all incidental expenses attending this mock election.

M. G.

* * * * *

The late eminent antiquary, Dr. Ducarel, made inquiries respecting this custom of the late Mr. W. Massey of Wandsworth, who answered them in the following letter:--

_Wandsworth, June 25, 1754._

DR. DUCAREL.--I promised to give you an account of the mock election for Garrat, a district within the compass of the parish of Wandsworth. I have been informed, that about 60 or 70 years ago, some watermen, belonging to this town, went to the Leather Bottle, a public house at Garrat, to spend a merry day, which, being the time of a general election for members of Parliament, in the midst of their frolick they took it into their heads to chuse one of their company a representative for that place; and, having gone through the usual ceremonies of an election, as well as the occasion would permit, he was declared duly elected. Whether the whimsical custom of swearing the electors upon a brick-bat, ‘quod rem cum aliqua muliere, intra limites istius pagi, habuissent,’ was then first established, or that it was a waggish after-thought, I cannot determine, but it has been regarded as the due qualification of the electors for many elections last past.

This local usage, from that small beginning, has had a gradual increase; for no great account was made of it, that I can remember or hear of, before the two elections preceding this last, which has been performed with uncommon pomp and magnificence, in the plebeian mode of pageantry. And, as it has been taken notice of in our public newspapers, it may probably have a run, through those channels, to many parts of the kingdom, and, in time, become the inquiry of the curious, _when_ and _why_ such a mock usage was commenced.

I have herewith sent you copies of some of the hand-bills of the candidates, that were printed and plentifully dispersed (in imitation of the _grand monde_) before the election came on, by which you may judge of the humour in which the other parts of it were conducted. Their pseudo-titles, as you will observe, are Lord Twankum, Squire Blow-me-down, and Squire Gubbins. Lord Twankum’s right name is John Gardiner, and is grave-digger to this parish; Blow-me-down is ---- Willis, a waterman; and Squire Gubbins, whose name is ---- Simmonds, keeps a publichouse, the sign of the Gubbins’ Head, in Blackman-street, Southwark.

Some time hence, perhaps, also it may be a matter of inquiry what is meant by the Gubbins’ Head. This Simmonds formerly lived at Wandsworth, and went from hence to keep a public-house in Blackman-street; he being a droll companion in what is called low-life, several of his old acquaintance of this town used to call at his house, when they were in London, to drink a pot or two; and, as he generally had some cold provisions (which by a cant name he usually called “his gubbins”), he made them welcome to such as he had, from whence he obtained that name; and putting up a man’s head for the sign, it was called the “Gubbins’ Head.” A hundred years hence, perhaps, if some knowledge of the occasion of the name of this sign should not be preserved in writing, our future antiquaries might puzzle themselves to find out the meaning of it. I make no question, but that we have many elaborate dissertations upon antique subjects, whose originals, being obscure or whimsy, like this, were never truly discovered. This leads me to the commendation of the utility of your design in recording singular accidents and odd usages, the causes and origin of which might otherwise be lost in a long tract of time.

_Garrett Election_, 1826.

It seems to be the desire of certain admirers of certain popular customs to get up another burlesque election for Garrett; the last was thirty years ago.

The following is a copy of a Notice, now executing (June 23, 1826) at a sign-painters, on a board ten feet high, for the purpose of being publicly exhibited. It need scarcely be observed that the commencing word of this very singular composition, which ought to be _Oyez_, is improperly spelt and divided, and “yes” is unaccountably placed between _three_ inverted commas; the transcript is verbatim, and is arranged in this column as the original is on the signboard.

_O ‘‘‘Yes’’’_
NOTICE
_That on_ THURSDAY
6th _July_, 1826
_In conformity of_
THE HIGH
_AUTHORITIES_,
_Of the UNITED_
KINGDOM
_will assemble_
THROUGHOUT
~the~ EMPIRE
_and particularly_
_at the_ ~Hustings~ _at_
GARRAT,
_to whit, conformable_
_to the Custom_
_Of_ OUR ANCIENT
LIBERTY.
SIR JOHN
PAUL PRY,
_now offers himself_
_to a Generous_
PUBLIC
GOD SAVE THE
KING

* * * * *

The last representative of Garrett was a “remarkable character” in the streets of the metropolis for many years. His ordinary costume was very different from the court dress he wore on the hustings, wherein he is here represented--

COSMOPOLITE, AND MUFFIN-SELLER.]

The individual who figured as conspicuously as the most conspicuous, and who may be regarded as the last really _humorous_ candidate at this election was

AND ITINERANT DEALER IN OLD WIGS.]

The kind of oratory and the nature of the argument employed by the candidates in their addresses to their constituents, can scarcely be better exemplified than by the following

SPEECH OF SIR JEFFERY DUNSTAN.

_My Lords, Ladies, and Gentlemen_,

A landed property being the only unexceptionable qualification that
entitles me to a seat in the august parliament of Great Britain, I
presume my estate in the Isle of Mud will, in point of propriety,
secure to me your votes and interests, to represent you in the ensuing
parliament.

Ladies and gem’men, I propose, for the good of mankind, to anticipate a few promises like other great men, but which I will strictly adhere to, that is, as long as I find it’s my interest so to do.

First, in regard to his Majesty’s want of money, I am determined to make him easy on that point--(Lord bless him!)--by abolishing the use of it entirely, and reducing the price of gold, it being the worst canker to the soul of man; and the only expedient I can think of to prevent bribery and corruption, an evil which all the great _big wigs_ of Westminster cannot prevent, notwithstanding all their gravity and knowledge, as the late proceedings against governor Green Peas can fully testify.

Next, as my worthy constituents may be assured, I shall use all my honest endeavours to get a majority in the house. I shall always take the popular side of the question; and to do all I can to oblige that jewel of a man, Sugar-Plumb Billy, I shall assist him in paying off the national debt, without wetting a sponge. My scheme for this, ladies and gem’men, is to unmarry all those who choose it, on such terms as the minister shall think fit. This being a glorious opportunity for women of spirit to exert themselves, and regain their long lost empire over their husbands, I hope they will use all their coaxing arts to get me elected in their husband’s place; and this will greatly increase the influence of the crown, and vastly lower India bonds.

As I detest the idea of a placeman, I pledge myself not to accept of anything less than the government of Duck Island, or the bishoprick of Durham, for I am very fond of a clean shirt, and lawn sleeves, I think, look well; besides, the _sine qua non_ is the thing I aim at, like other great men. The India Company, too, I will convey from Leadenhall-street to Westminster, and, according to my own _wig_ principles, I will create all the directors’ and nabobs’ titles, and, besides, show them how to get what they have been long aiming at--the way to Botany Bay. I shall likewise prove the Excise Office to be the greatest smuggle in the nation, for they smuggled the ground from the public on which their office stands, and for which I shall conjure up Old Gresham’s ghost, to read them a lecture upon thieving.

Like the great men, I pledge my honour, life, and fortune, that I will remove all heavy taxes, and by a glorious scheme, contrived by me and my friend Lord George Gordon, I shall, by a philosophical, aristocratical thermometer, or such-like hydraulics, discover the longitude among the Jews of Duke’s Place, and the secret of Masonry.

City honours I never courted, nor would I give an _old wig_ to be drawn in idle state through Cheapside’s foggy air on a 9th of November.--No, I would rather sit by the side of my great friend Mr. Fox, in the Duke of Devonshire’s coach, and make another coalition, or go with him to India, and be a governor’s great man; for,

Hated by fools, and fools to hate,
Was always Jeffery Dunstan’s fate.

Though my Lord George has turned Jew, and wears a broom about his chin[221], I never intend to do so until his informer is dead, or the time elapsed of his imprisonment in the county castle, when we shall both go into Duke’s Place, and be sworn true friends; then woe be to the informing busy bookseller of Spitalfields, who was lately turned out of the Snogo for eating pork with the rind on. Depend upon it his windows shall chatter more Hebrew than he ever understood. All this shall be done by me, in spite of him. Yes, by me, your humble servant,

SIR JEFFERY DUNSTAN, M.P.

Exparte DIMSDALE, Bart.

“_Two single Gentlemen roll’d into one._”

TAKE NOTICE.

~Whereas~, on or upon the last page but one of the last sheet, that is to say, columns 829 and 830 of the _Every-Day Book_, there are _two_ whole length portraits, each whereof is subscribed, or inscribed beneath, with _one_ name.

AND WHEREAS each, and both, is and are, thereby, that is to say, by the said _one_ name, called, or purported to be called, “Sir _Jeffery Dunstan_, M.P. for Garrett, &c.”

AND WHEREAS the said two engravings are portraits of two several, separate, and distinct individuals.

AND WHEREAS it is hereby declared to be true and certain, and not to be gainsayed or denied, that _two_ neither are, nor is, nor can be, one.

~Therefore~, ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN are hereby intended, and required to be instructed, and informed thereof.

AND FURTHER, that the first, or top, or uppermost portrait, although subscribed “Sir Jeffery Dunstan, &c.” is to be seen, taken, and received, as and for the true and faithful likeness of sir _Harry Dimsdale_, Bart. M.P. for Garrett, and for no or none other.

AND FURTHERMORE, that the second, or last portrait is, in truth, a like true, and faithful likeness of _sir Jeffery Dunstan_, as is there truly stated:

AND MORE, FURTHERMORE, that the misnomer, as to the said _Sir Harry Dimsdale_, was unpurposed and accidentally made and written by the undersigned, and overseen by the overseer, when the same was set up or composed in type by the compositor; and that he, the said compositor, was bound in duty not to think, but unthinkingly, and without thought, to do as he did, that is to say, follow his copy, and not think:

AND LASTLY, that the _last_ portrait, subscribed “Sir _Jeffery Dunstan_,” is rightly and truly so subscribed:

~Wherefore~, the portrait of the “_cosmopolite and muffin seller_,” was, and is, only, and alone, and no other, than the just and faithful likeness of sir _Harry Dimsdale_, according, and notwithstanding as aforesaid.

AND THEREFORE, the well-disposed are enjoined and required to _dele_, or strike out, the misnomer thereof, or thereto affixed, and in tender consideration of the premises to forget and forgive the same, which proceeded wholly, solely, entirely, and unhappily from

A. B.

_June 28, 1826._

_Attestation, &c._

~This is to certify~, that so much of the above contents as are within my knowledge, and the whole thereof, according to my full and perfect belief, is, and are, strictly and entirely true: And that the signature thereto subjoined is true and honest, in manner and form following, to wit,--the letter “A” is, of itself alone, what it purports to be, that is to say, “A,” by itself, “A;” And the letter “B,” in alphabetical order, is, also in nominal order, the literal beginning, or initial, of the real _name_, which is, or ought, or is meant to be attached thereto, _namely_--“BLUNDER:” And that the said “Blunder” is altogether honest, and much to be pitied; and is known so to be, by every one as well acquainted with the said “Blunder,” and the rest of the family, as myself.--

_The Printer._

MOCK ELECTION AT GARRETT,

_25th of June, 1781_.

This is the burlesque election referred to at column 825, when “upwards of 50,000 people were, on that ludicrous occasion, assembled at Wandsworth.”

That notice, with the interesting letter concerning the origin of this popular custom, from Mr. Massey to Dr. Ducarel, on column 826, was inserted with other particulars, in the last sheet, for the purpose of inciting attention to the subject and under an expectation that the request there urged, for further information, might be further complied with. The hope has been realized to a certain extent, and there will now be placed before the reader the communications of correspondents, and whatever has been obtained from personal intercourse with those who remember the old elections for Garrett.

* * * * *

To mention the earliest within remembrance, it is proper to say that this public burlesque was conducted in 1777 with great spirit; sir John Harper was then elected, and a man in armour rode in that procession. The name of this champion was “Jem Anderson,” a breeches-maker of Wandsworth, and a wonderful humorist.

At sir John Harper’s election, on the 25th of June, 1781, he had six rivals to contend with. A printed bill now before the editor, sets forth their titles and qualifications in the following manner:--

“THE GARRATT ELECTION.

“_The Possessions and Characters of the Seven Candidates that put up
for that Great and Important Office, called_

THE MAYOR OF GARRETT.

“Sir Jeffery Dunstan, sir William Blase, sir Christopher Dashwood, sir
John Harper, sir William Swallowtail, sir John Gnawpost, and sir
Thomas _Nameless_.

“On Wednesday, the 25th instant, being the day appointed for the Garrat election, the candidates proceeded from different parts of London to Garrat-green, Wandsworth.

“Sir Jeffery Dunstan: he is a man of low stature, but very great in character and abilities; his principal view is to serve his king and country, his worthy friends and himself.

“The next gentleman that offered himself was sir William Blase, a man of great honour and reputation, and was of high rank in the army, serving his king and country near forty years, and had the honour to be a corporal in the city trainbands, the last rebellion.

“The third, admiral Dashwood, well known in the county of Surry, to many who has felt the weight of his hand on their shoulders, and shewing an execution in the other.

“Sir John Harper is a man of the greatest abilities and integrity, and his estate lies wherever he goes; his wants are supplied by the oil of his tongue, and is of the strictest honour: he made an oath against work when in his youth, and was never known to break it.

“Sir William Swallow-tail is an eminent merchant in the county of Surry, and supplies most of the gardeners with strawberry-baskets, and others to bring their fruit to market.

“Sir John Gnawpost is a man well known to the public; he carries his traffic under his left arm, and there is not a schoolboy in London or Westminster but what has had dealings with him:--His general cry is ‘twenty if you win, and five if you lose.’

“Sir Thomas _Nameless_,”--of reputation unmentionable.

* * * * *

Having thus described the candidates from the original printed “Hustings paper,” it is proper to state that its description of them is followed by a woodcut representing two figures--one, of sir Jeffery Dunstan, in the costume and attitude of his portrait given at column 830, but holding a pipe in his right hand, and one of another candidate, who, for want of a name to the figure, can scarcely be guessed at; he is in a court dress, with a star on the right breast of his coat, his right arm gracefully reposing in the pocket of his unmentionables, and his left hand holding a bag, which is thrown over his left shoulder.

Beneath that engraving is

“The speech of sir _Jeffery Dunstan_, Bart. delivered from the
hustings.

“Gentlemen,

“I am heartily glad to see so great a number of my friends attend so early on the great and important business of this day. If I should be so happy as to be the object of your choice, you may depend on it that your great requests shall be my sole study both asleep and awake. I am determined to oppose lord N(ort)h in every measure he proposes; and that my electors shall have porter at threepence a pot; that bread shall be sold at four pence a quartern loaf, and corn be brought fairly to market, not stived up in granaries to be eat by rats and mice; and that neither Scotchmen or Irishmen shall have a seat in our parliament.

“Gentlemen, as I am not an orator or personable man, be assured I am an honest member. Having been abused in the public papers, I am resolved, if it cost me a thousand pounds, to take the free votes of the electors. It is true, it has cost me _ten shillings_ for a coach, to raise which, I have pawned my cloathes; but that I regard not, since I am now in a situation to serve my king, whom I wish God to bless, also his precious queen, who, under the blessing of a king above, hath produced a progeny which has presaged a happy omen to this country.

“Gentlemen, I can assure you with the greatest truth, that the cloaths I have on are all my own, for the meanness of borrowing cloaths to appear before you, my worthy electors, I highly detest; and bribery and other meanness I abhor;--but if any gentleman chuse to give me any thing, I am ready to receive their favours.”

The above oration is headed by “_This is my original speech_;” below it is added as follows:--

“N. B. When sir John Harper’s man arrived on the hustings with flying colours, he began to insult sir Jeffery, who immediately made him walk six times round the hustings, ask his honour’s pardon, drop his colours and dismount.”

With this information the bill concludes.

* * * * *

A song printed at the time, but now so rare as not to be met with, further particularizes some of the candidates at this election. In the absence of an original copy, the parol evidence of “old John Jones of Wandsworth,” has been admitted as to certain verses which are here recorded accordingly.

GARRETT ELECTION SONG, 1781.

_Recited by the_ “ex-master of the horse,” _at the_ “Plume of Feathers,” _Wandsworth, on the 14th of June, 1826_.

At Garratt, lackaday, what fun!
To see the sight what thousands run!
Sir William Blase, and all his crew,
Sure, it was a droll sight to view.

Sir William Blase, a snob by trade,
In Wandsworth town did there parade;
With his high cap and wooden sword
He look’d as noble as a lord!

Sir William Swallowtail came next
In basket-coach, so neatly drest;
With hand-bells playing all the way,
For Swallowtail, my boys, huzza!

Sir Christopher Dashwood so gay,
With drums and fifes did sweetly play;
He, in a boat, was drawn along,
Amongst a mighty gazing throng.

In blue and gold he grand appeared,
Behind the boat old Pluto steer’d;
The Andrew, riding by his side,
Across a horse, did nobly stride.

On sir John Harper next we gaze
All in his carriage, and six bays,
With star upon his breast, so fine,
He did each candidate outshine.

And when he on the hustings came
He bow’d to all in gallant strain,
The speech he made was smart and cute,
And did each candidate confute.

In this procession to excel,
The droll sir William acted well;
And when they came to Garrett green,
Sure what laughing there was seen!

No Wilkes, but liberty, was there;
And every thing honest and fair,
For surely Garrett is the place,
Where pleasure is, and no disgrace!

* * * * *

Sir William Swallowtail was one William Cock, a whimsical basket-maker of Brentford, who deeming it proper to have an equipage every way suitable to the honour he aspired to, built his own carriage, with his own hands, to his own taste. It was made of wicker, and drawn by four high hollow-backed horses; whereon were seated dwarfish boys, whimsically dressed for postilions. In allusion to the American war, two footmen rode before the carriage tarred and feathered, the coachman wore a wicker hat, and sir William himself, from the seat of his vehicle, maintained his mock dignity in grotesque array, amidst unbounded applause.

* * * * *

The song says, that sir William Swallowtail came “with hand-bells playing all the way,” and “old John Jones,” after he “rehearsed” the song, gave some account of the player on the hand-bells.

The hand-bell player was Thomas Cracknell, who, at that time, was a publican at Brentford, and kept the “Wilkes’s Head.” He had been a cow-boy in the service of lady Holderness; and after he took that public-house, he so raised its custom that it was a place of the first resort in Brentford “for man and horse.” With an eye to business, as well as a disposition to waggery, he played the hand-bells in support of sir William Swallowtail, as much for the good of the “Wilkes’s Head” as in honour of his neighbour Cock, the basket-maker, who, with his followers, had opened Cracknell’s house. Soon after the election he let the “Wilkes’s Head,” and receiving a handsome sum for good-will and coming-in, bound himself in a penalty of 20_l._ not to set up within ten miles of the spot. In the afternoon of the day he gave up possession, he went to his successor with the 20_l._ penalty, and informed him he had taken another house in the neighbourhood. It was the sign of the “Aaron and Driver,” two race-horses, of as great celebrity as the most favoured of the then Garrett candidates. Cracknell afterwards became a rectifier or distiller at Brentford.

* * * * *

Sir John Harper was by trade a weaver, and qualified, by power of face and speech, and infinite humour, to sustain the burlesque character he assumed. His chief pretensions to represent Garrett were grounded on his reputation, circulated in printed hand-bills, which described him as a “rectifier of mistakes and blunders.” He made his grand entry through Wandsworth, into Garrett, in a phaeton and six bays, with postilions in scarlet and silver, surrounded by thousands of supporters, huzzaing, and declaring him to be “able to give any man an answer.”

~Sir John Harper’s Election, 1781.~]

Long as we live there’ll be no more
Such scenes as these, in days of yore,
When little folks deem’d great ones less,
And aped their manners and address;
When, further still to counterfeit,
To mountebanks they gave a seat,
By virtue of a mobbing summons,
As members of the House of Commons.
Through Garrett, then, a cavalcade,
A long procession, longer made.
For why, the way was not so wide
That horsemen, there, abreast, could ride,
As they had rode, when they came down,
In order due, to Wandsworth town;
Whence, to the Leather Bottle driven,
With shouts that rent the welkin given,
And given also, many blows
In strife, the great “Sir John” arose
On high, in high phaeton, stood,
And pledged his last, best, drop of blood,
As sure as he was “Harper,” to
Undo all things that wouldn’t do,
And vow’d he’d do, as well as undo,
He’d do--in short, he’d do--what none do:
Although his speech, precisely, is
Unknown, yet here, concisely, is
Related all, which, sought with pains,
Is found to be the last remains,
Of all, at Garrett, done and said;
And more than elsewhere can be read.

The preceding engraving is from a large drawing, by Green, of a scene at this election in 1781, taken on the spot. Until now, this drawing has not been submitted to the public eye.

In the above accurate representation of the spot, the sign of the Leather Bottle in Garrett-lane is conspicuous. Its site at that time was different from that of the present public-house bearing that name.

It is further observable, that “Harper for ever” is inscribed on the phaeton of the mock candidate for the mock honours of the mock electors; and that the candidate himself is in the act of haranguing his worthy constituents, some of whose whimsical dresses will give a partial idea of the whimsical appearance of the assembled multitude. Every species of extravagant habiliment seems to have been resorted to. The little humourist in a large laced cocked hat, and his donkey in trappings, are particularly rich, and divide the attention of the people on foot with sir John Harper himself. The vender of a printed paper, in a large wig, leers round at him in merry glee. The sweeps, elevated on their bit of “come-up,” are attracted by the popular candidate, whose voice seems rivalled by the patient animal, from whose back they are cheering their favourite man.

* * * * *

In this election, we find the never-to-be-forgotten sir Jeffery Dunstan, who it is not right to pass without saying something more of him than that on this occasion he was a mere candidate, and unsuccessful. He succeeded afterwards to the seat he sought, and will be particularly noticed hereafter; until when, it would perhaps be more appropriate to defer what is about to be offered respecting him; but the distinguished favour of a communication from C. L. on such a subject, seems to require a distinguished place; his paper is therefore selected to prematurely herald the fame of the celebrated crier of “old wigs” in odd fashioned days, when wigs were a common and necessary addition to every person’s dress.

REMINISCENCE OF SIR JEFFERY DUNSTAN

BY C. L.

_To the Editor of the Every-Day Book._

To your account of sir Jeffery Dunstan in columns 829-30 (where, by an unfortunate Erratum the effigies of _two Sir Jefferys_ appear, when the uppermost figure is clearly meant for sir Harry Dimsdale) you may add, that the writer of this has frequently met him in his latter days, about 1790 or 1791, returning in an evening, after his long day’s itinerancy, to his domicile--a wretched shed in the most beggarly purlieu of Bethnal Green, a little on this side the Mile-end Turnpike. The lower figure in that leaf most correctly describes his then appearance, except that no graphic art can convey an idea of the general squalor of it, and of his bag (his constant concomitant) in particular. Whether it contained “old wigs” at that time I know not, but it seemed a fitter repository for bones snatched out of kennels, than for any part of a Gentleman’s dress even at second hand.

The Ex-member for Garrat was a melancholy instance of a great man whose popularity is worn out. He still carried his sack, but it seemed a part of his identity rather than an implement of his profession; a badge of past grandeur; could any thing have divested him of _that_, he would have shown a “poor forked animal” indeed. My life upon it, it contained no curls at the time I speak of. The most decayed and spiritless remnants of what was once a peruke would have scorned the filthy case; would absolutely have “burst its cearments.” No, it was empty, or brought home bones, or a few cinders possibly. A strong odour of burnt bones, I remember, blended with the scent of horse-flesh seething into dog’s meat, and only relieved a little by the breathings of a few brick kilns, made up the atmosphere of the delicate suburban spot, which this great man had chosen for the last scene of his earthly vanities. The cry of “old wigs” had ceased with the possession of any such fripperies; his sack might have contained not unaptly a little mould to scatter upon that grave, to which he was now advancing; but it told of vacancy and desolation. His quips were silent too, and his brain was empty as his sack; he slank along, and seemed to decline popular observation. If a few boys followed him, it seemed rather from habit, than any expectation of fun.

Alas! how changed from _him_,
The life of humour, and the soul of whim,
Gallant and gay on Garrat’s hustings proud.

But it is thus that the world rewards its favourites in decay. What faults he had, I know not. I have heard something of a peccadillo or so. But some little deviation from the precise line of rectitude, might have been winked at in so tortuous and stigmatic a frame. Poor Sir Jeffery! it were well if some M. P.’s in earnest have passed their parliamentary existence with no more offences against integrity, than could be laid to thy charge! A fair dismissal was thy due, not so unkind a degradation; some little snug retreat, with a bit of green before thine eyes, and not a burial alive in the fetid beggaries of Bethnal. Thou wouldst have ended thy days in a manner more appropriate to thy pristine dignity, installed in munificent mockery (as in mock honours you had lived)--a Poor Knight of Windsor!

Every distinct place of public speaking demands an oratory peculiar to itself. The forensic fails within the walls of St. Stephen. Sir Jeffery was a living instance of this, for in the flower of his popularity an attempt was made to bring him out upon the stage (at which of the winter theatres I forget, but I well remember the anecdote) in the part of _Doctor Last_.[222] The announcement drew a crowded house; but notwithstanding infinite tutoring--by Foote, or Garrick, I forget which--when the curtain drew up, the heart of Sir Jeffery failed, and he faultered on, and made nothing of his part, till the hisses of the house at last in very kindness dismissed him from the boards. Great as his parliamentary eloquence had shown itself; brilliantly as his off-hand sallies had sparkled on a hustings; they here totally failed him. Perhaps he had an aversion to borrowed wit; and, like my Lord Foppington, disdained to entertain himself (or others) with the forced products of another man’s brain. Your man of quality is more diverted with the natural sprouts of his own.

C. L.

THE GARRETT OATH.

Almost all that can be said of the oath of qualification, administered to the electors at the Garrett hustings, has been already said in the letter to Dr. Ducarel, on column 826. It was printed, and from one of these once manifold documents, which are now so rare as not to be attainable in a perfect state, the following title, &c. is copied literally.

“The
OATH
of
QUALIFICATION
for the
_Ancient Borough of_
GARRAT
_According as it stands in the
Old Record handed down to us_
By the
GRAND VOLGEE
by order of the Great
CHIN KAW CHIPO
_First_ EMPEROR of the MOON
Anno Mundi 75.

“THAT you have been admitted peaceably and quietly into possession of a Freehold--

* * * * *

[Here the original, referred to, is so defective as not to be copyable.]

* * * * *

----“within the said manor of GARRAT; and that you did (_bona fide_) keep (_ad rem_) possession ---- (_durante bene placito_) without any let, suit, hindrance, or molestation whatever ----

* * * * *

“SWORN (_coram nobis_) at our }
Great Hall on Garrat Green, }
covered with the plenteous harvest }
of the Goddess Ceres, and dedicated }
to the Jovial God Comus.” }

More than this it is not possible to give of the Garrett oath.

* * * * *

During a Garrett election all Wandsworth was in an uproar. It was the resort of people of all descriptions, and the publicans entertained them as conveniently as possible; yet, on one occasion, the influx of visiters was so immense that every ordinary beverage was exhausted, and water sold at twopence a glass.

* * * * *

By “old John Jones,” “the doings at Wandsworth” on the election day are described as “past description.”

Besides the “hustings” at Garrett, scaffoldings and booths were erected in Wandsworth at every open space: these were filled with spectators to the topmost rows, and boys climbed to the tops of the poles; flags and colours were hung across the road; and the place was crowded by a dense population full of activity and noise. For accommodation to view the humours of the day extraordinary prices were paid to the proveditors.

* * * * *

John Jones remembers “when Foote the player came to Wandsworth, to have a full view of all the goings on.” According to his account, the English Aristophanes “paid nine guineas for the fore room at surgeon Squire’s, facing the church, for himself and his friends to sit in and see the fun.” There was an immense scaffolding of spectators and mob-orators, at the corner by the churchyard, opposite the window where Foote and his companions were seated.

* * * * *

It has been already noticed, that Foote dramatised this mock election by his “Mayor of Garratt:” the first edition, printed in 1764, is called “a comedy in two acts; as it is performed at the theatre-royal in Drury-lane.” On turning to the “dramatis personæ,” it will be found he performed Major Sturgeon himself, and, likewise, Matthew Mug in the same piece: Mrs. Clive playing Mrs. Sneak to Weston’s Jerry Sneak.

* * * * *

Foote’s “Mayor of Garratt” may be deemed an outline of the prevailing drollery and manners of the populace at Wandsworth: a scene or two here will be amusing and in place. This dramatist sketched so much from the life, that it is doubtful whether every marked character in his “comedy” had not its living original. It is certain, that he drew Major Sturgeon from old Justice Lamb, a fishmonger at Acton, and a petty trading justice, whose daughter was married by Major Fleming, a gentleman also “in the commission of the peace,” yet every way a more respectable man than his father-in-law.

Referring, then, to Foote’s “comedy,” sir Jacob Jollup, who has a house at Garratt, holds a dialogue with his man Roger concerning the company they expect--

_Sir J._ Are the candidates near upon coming?

_Roger._ Nic Goose, the tailor from Putney, they say, will be here in
a crack, sir Jacob.

_Sir J._ Has Margery fetch’d in the linen?

_Roger._ Yes, sir Jacob.

_Sir J._ Are the pigs and the poultry lock’d up in the barn?

_Roger._ Safe, sir Jacob.

_Sir J._ And the plate and spoons in the pantry?

_Roger._ Yes, sir Jacob.

_Sir J._ Then give me the key; the mob will soon be upon us; and all
is fish that comes to their net. Has Ralph laid the cloth in the hall?

_Roger._ Yes, sir Jacob.

_Sir J._ Then let him bring out the turkey and chine, and be sure
there is plenty of mustard; and, d’ye hear, Roger, do you stand
yourself at the gate, and be careful who you let in.

_Roger._ I will, sir Jacob. [_exit._

_Sir J._ So, now I believe thing: are pretty secure.--

_Mob._ [_Without._] Huzza!

_Re-enter Roger._

_Sir J._ What’s the matter now, Roger?

_Roger._ The electors desire to know if your worship has any body to
recommend?

_Sir J._ By no means; let them be free in their choice: I shan’t
interfere.

_Roger._ And if your worship has any objection to Crispin Heeltap, the
cobler, being returning officer?

_Sir J._ None, provided the rascal can keep himself sober. Is he
there?

_Roger._ Yes, sir Jacob. Make way there! stand further off from the
gate: here is madam Sneak in a chaise along with her husband.

Sir Jacob has work enough on his hands with his relations, and other visiters, who have arrived to see the election from his mansion; he calls his “son Bruin” to come in;--“we are all seated at table man; we have but just time for a snack; the candidates are near upon coming.”

Then, in another scene,--

_Enter Mob, with Heeltap at their head; some crying “a Goose,” others
“a Mug,” others “a Primmer.”_

_Heel._ Silence, there; silence!

_1 Mob._ Hear neighbour Heeltap.

_2 Mob._ Ay, ay, hear Crispin.

_3 Mob._ Ay, ay, hear him, hear Crispin: he will put us into the model
of the thing at once.

_Heel._ Why then, silence! I say.

_All._ Silence.

_Heel._ Silence, and let us proceed, neighbours, with all the decency
and confusion usual on these occasions.

_1 Mob._ Ay, ay, there is no doing without that.

_All._ No, no, no.

_Heel._ Silence then, and keep the peace; what! is there no respect
paid to authority? Am not I the returning officer?

_All._ Ay, ay, ay.

_Heel._ Chosen by yourselves, and approved of by sir Jacob?

_All._ True, true.

_Heel._ Well then, be silent and civil; stand back there that
gentleman without a shirt, and make room for your betters. Where’s
Simon Snuffle the sexton?

_Snuffle._ Here.

_Heel._ Let him come forward; we appoint him our secretary: for Simon
is a scollard, and can read written hand; and so let him be respected
accordingly.

_3 Mob._ Room for master Snuffle.

_Heel._ Here, stand by me: and let us, neighbours, proceed to open the
premunire of the thing: but first, your reverence to the lord of the
manor: a long life and a merry one to our landlord, sir Jacob huzza!

_Mob._ Huzza!

_Sneak._ How fares it, honest Crispin?

_Heel._ Servant, master Sneak. Let us now open the premunire of the
thing, which I shall do briefly, with all the loquacity possible; that
is, in a medium way; which, that we may the better do it, let the
secretary read the names of the candidates, and what they say for
themselves; and then we shall know what to say of them. Master
Snuffle, begin.

_Snuffle._ [_Reads._] “To the worthy inhabitants of the ancient
corporation of Garratt: gentlemen, your votes and interest are humbly
requested in favour of Timothy Goose, to succeed your late worthy
mayor, Mr. Richard Dripping, in the said office, he being”----

_Heel._ This Goose is but a kind of gosling, a sort of sneaking
scoundrel. Who is he?

_Snuffle._ A journeyman tailor from Putney.

_Heel._ A journeyman tailor! A rascal, has he the impudence to
transpire to be mayor? D’ye consider, neighbours, the weight of this
office? Why, it is a burthen for the back of a porter; and can you
think that this cross-legg’d cabbage-eating son of a cucumber, this
whey-fac’d ninny, who is but the ninth part of a man, has strength to
support it?

_1 Mob._ No Goose! no Goose!

_2 Mob._ A Goose!

_Heel._ Hold your hissing, and proceed to the next.

_Snuffle._ [_Reads._] “Your votes are desired for Matthew Mug.”

_1 Mob._ A Mug! a Mug!

_Heel._ Oh, oh, what you are ready to have a touch of the tankard; but
fair and soft, good neighbours, let us taste this master Mug before we
swallow him; and, unless I am mistaken, you’ll find him a bitter
draught.

_1 Mob._ A Mug! a Mug!

_2 Mob._ Hear him; hear master Heeltap.

_1 Mob._ A Mug! a Mug!

_Heel._ Harkye, you fellow with your mouth full of Mug, let me ask you
a question: bring him forward. Pray is not this Matthew Mug a
victualler?

_3 Mob._ I believe he may.

_Heel._ And lives at the sign of the Adam and Eve?

_3 Mob._ I believe he may.

_Heel._ Now, answer upon your honour and as you are a gentleman, what
is the present price of a quart of home-brew’d at the Adam and Eve?

_3 Mob._ I don’t know.

_Heel._ You lie, sirrah: an’t it a groat?

_3 Mob._ I believe it may.

_Heel._ Oh, may be so. Now, neighbours, here’s a pretty rascal; this
same Mug, because, d’ye see, state affairs would not jog glibly
without laying a farthing a quart upon ale; this scoundrel, not
contented to take things in a medium way, has had the impudence to
raise it a penny.

_Mob._ No Mug! no Mug!

_Heel._ So, I thought I should crack Mr. Mug. Come, proceed to the
next, Simon.

_Snuffle._ The next upon the list is Peter Primmer, the schoolmaster.

_Heel._ Ay, neighbours, and a sufficient man: let me tell you, master
Primmer is a man for my money; a man of learning, that can lay down
the law: why, adzooks, he is wise enough to puzzle the parson; and
then, how you have heard him oration at the Adam and Eve of a Saturday
night, about Russia and Prussia. ’Ecod, George Gage, the exciseman, is
nothing at all to un.

_4 Mob._ A Primmer.

_Heel._ Ay, if the folks above did but know him. Why, lads, he will
make us all statesmen in time.

_2 Mob._ Indeed!

_Heel._ Why, he swears as how all the miscarriages are owing to the
great people’s not learning to read.

_3 Mob._ Indeed!

_Heel._ “For,” says Peter, says he, “if they would but once submit to
be learned by me, there is no knowing to what a pitch the nation might
rise.”

_1 Mob._ Ay, I wish they would.

_Sneak._ Crispin, what, is Peter Primmer a candidate?

_Heel._ He is, master Sneak.

_Sneak._ Lord I know him, mun, as well as my mother: why, I used to
go to his lectures to Pewterers’-hall, ’long with deputy Firkin.

_Heel._ Like enough.

_Mob._ [_Without._] Huzza!

_Heel._ Gad-so! the candidates are coming. [_Exeunt Mob, &c._

_Re-enter Sir Jacob Jollup, Bruin, and Mrs. Bruin, through the garden
gate._

_Sir J._ Well, son Bruin, how d’ye relish the corporation of Garratt?

_Bruin._ Why, lookye, sir Jacob, my way is always to speak what I
think; I don’t approve on’t at all.

_Mrs. B._ No?

_Sir J._ And what’s your objection?

_Bruin._ Why, I was never over fond of your May-games: besides
corporations are too serious things; they are edgetools, sir Jacob.

_Sir J._ That they are frequently tools, I can readily grant: but I
never heard much of their edge.

Afterwards we find the knight exclaiming--

_Sir J._ Hey-day! What, is the election over already?

_Enter Crispin, Heeltap, &c._

_Heel._ Where is master Sneak!

_Sneak._ Here, Crispin.

_Heel._ The ancient corporation of Garratt, in consideration of your
great parts and abilities, and out of respect to their landlord, sir
Jacob, have unanimously chosen you mayor.

_Sneak._ Me? huzza! Good lord, who would have thought it? But how came
master Primmer to lose it?

_Heel._ Why, Phil Fleam had told the electors, that master Primmer was
an Irishman; and so they would none of them give their vote for a
foreigner.

_Sneak._ So then I have it for certain.

[_Huzza!_

ELECTION FOR GARRETT,

June 25, 1781.

BETWEEN THE SPREAD EAGLE AND THE RAM AT WANDSWORTH, ON THE ROAD TO GARRETT.]

This engraving is from another large unpublished drawing by Green, and is very curious. Being topographically correct, it represents the signs of the inns at Wandsworth as they then stood; the Spread Eagle carved on a pillar, and the Ram opposite painted and projecting. The opening, seen between the buildings on the Spread Eagle side, is the commencement of Garrett-lane, which runs from Wandsworth to Tooting, and includes the mock borough of Garrett.

This animated scene is full of character. The boat is drawn by horses, which could not be conspicuously represented here without omitting certain bipeds; it is in the act of turning up Garrett-lane. Its chief figure is “my lady Blase” dressed beyond the extreme, and into broad caricature of the fashion of the times. “I remember her very well,” says Mrs. ----, of Wandsworth, “and so I ought, for I had a good hand in the dressing of her. I helped to put together many a good pound of wool to make her hair up. I suppose it was more than three feet high at least: and as for her stays, I also helped to make them, down in Anderson’s barn: they were neither more nor less than a washing tub without the bottom, well covered, and bedizened outside to look like a stomacher. She was to be the lady of sir William Blase, one of the candidates, and, as she sat in his boat, she was one of the drollest creatures, for size and dress, that ever was seen. I was quite a girl at the time, and we made her as comical and as fine as possible.”

In Green’s drawing, here engraven in miniature, there is an excellent group, which from reduction the original has rendered almost too small to be noticed without thus pointing it out. It consists of a fellow, who appears more fond of his dog than of his own offspring; for, to give the animal as good a sight of lady Blase as he had himself, he seats him on his own shoulders, and is insensible to the entreaty of one of his children to occupy the dog’s place. His wife, with another child by her side, carries a third with its arms thrust into the sleeves of her husband’s coat, which the fellow has pulled off, and given her to take care of, without the least regard to its increase of her living burthen. Before them are dancing dogs, which have the steady regard of a “most thinking” personage in a large wig. Another wigged, or, rather, an over-wigged character, is the little crippled “dealer and chapman,” who is in evident fear of a vociferous dog, which is encouraged to alarm him by a mischievous urchin. The one-legged veteran, with a crutch and a glass in his hand, seems mightily to enjoy the two horsemen of the mop and broom. We see that printed addresses were posted, by an elector giving his unmixed attention to one of them pasted on the Ram sign-post. The Pierrot-dressed character, with spectacles and a guitar, on an ass led by a woman, is full of life; and the celebrated “Sam House,” the bald-headed publican of Westminster, with a pot in his hand, is here enjoying the burlesque of an election, almost as much, perhaps, as he did the real one in his own “city and liberties” the year before, when he distinguished himself, by his activity, in behalf of Mr. Fox, whose cause he always zealously supported by voice and fist.

* * * * *

The last Westminster election, wherein Sam House engaged, was in 1784, when on voting, and being asked his trade by the poll-clerk, he answered, “I am a publican and republican.” This memorable contest is described by the well-known colonel Hanger. He says:--