Chapter XXIX: A High Flyer

Thus Saint-Arthur became, as to Monsieur de Roncherolle, a zealous, courteous, obliging, and above all, a very neighborly neighbor. The little dandy, seeing the gouty gentleman frequently, was astonished to find him possessed of much intelligence and joviality, with a piquant, original way of telling a story, and a memory abundantly supplied with comical, entertaining and sometimes rather risque anecdotes; but in Saint-Arthur's eyes this last quality doubled their merit; he tried to remember some of the tales that Roncherolle had told him, and went off to repeat them to his mistress, who was greatly amused and said to him:

"My word! why, you know any number of funny stories now! it's amazing, my dear; do you know that you are really getting to be amusing; can it be that you have some wit of your own? Oh! how well you have concealed your capacity!"

"Why, yes, I have concealed it," replied Saint-Arthur, stroking his chin; "I'm concealing lots of other things, too."

"Oh! you surprise me more and more, my dear."

Roncherolle, being forced to keep his room, was not sorry someone should come to visit him; the nonsense of his little messenger made him laugh; the story of his new friend's _bonnes fortunes_ diverted him mightily; and when Saint-Arthur said to him: "Don't you think that I am a fortunate mortal with the ladies?" he would reply with a slight shrug: "It's a fact that the ladies are very fond of men like you."

Saint-Arthur asked his neighbor several times to teach him some of his methods of drinking champagne; but Roncherolle simply smiled and replied:

"Those things can't be taught except at the table."

At last the gout entirely disappeared, and one day Saint-Arthur failed to find Roncherolle in his room; he was sorely disappointed, for his neighbor's witty conversation had become necessary to him; he retained some scraps of it now and then. It is always well to frequent people of intelligence, they allow themselves to be robbed so readily!

The little dandy rose early the next day, in order to find his neighbor before he went out; he caught him as he was leaving his bed and said to him:

"You are better, I see, as you go out now?"

"Thank God! did you expect me to remain in that old easy-chair forever?"

"No, of course not; I am delighted that you are better; but I missed you yesterday, because, when I talk with you, I always remember some of the funny little stories that you tell so well, and I amuse Zizi with them. Yesterday, I had nothing at all to tell her, and she called me stupid; that's just a way of speaking, you know----"

"I understand perfectly.--I am very sorry, but your charmer may find you stupid again to-day, for I have no inclination to keep my room, in order to tell you stories."

"And that isn't what I came to ask you to do, but something much better. Will you do us the honor to dine with us to-day?"

"Where?"

"At Bonvalet's, corner of Rue Chariot."

"Oh! I know Bonvalet's! I have often dined there."

"Well, does it suit you to-day?"

"It suits me very well."

"Ah! you delight me. There will be Zizi Dutaillis, you know."

"Yes, you have already told me that. I shall be enchanted to make her acquaintance; I have always been very fond of professional ladies."

"There will also be a friend of mine, an author--Monsieur Jericourt; do you know him?"

"I never heard of him."

"He's a fellow of great talent, who will go a long way."

"Who says so? himself?"

"No, a newspaper that he writes for."

"Oh! that amounts to the same thing. However, I will give your friend credit for as much talent as you choose; I am of an obliging disposition."

"We will dine at half-past five; I know that it's bad form to dine so early, but it's on Zizi's account; she acts in the last play, and there is no fun in hurrying."

"All right! I promise to be punctual."

"Very good! By the way, you will teach me the thirty-three ways of drinking champagne, won't you?"

"You won't be able to learn all thirty-three at one sitting. That would be too great a risk to take. But we will do our best."

"That's right; we will learn as many as possible.--Until to-night."

At precisely half after five, Monsieur de Roncherolle, having donned his least threadbare coat and the one which fitted him best at the waist, a tight pair of trousers, a snow-white waistcoat, patent leather shoes, a black satin cravat tied in a dainty knot, and with his hat a little on one side, arrived at Bonvalet's, leaning not too heavily on his cane, and asked for Monsieur de Saint-Arthur's private room. A zealous waiter escorted him and opened the door of a pleasant room, just large enough for four people to be neither too crowded nor too much at their ease.

Mademoiselle Zizi Dutaillis was three-fourths reclining on a divan, toying with a lovely bouquet which her lover had just given her, and taking a flower from it now and then to put in her fair hair, after which she glanced at herself in a mirror. The young actress wore a bewitching pink and black costume, a medley of silk, velvet and lace, which strikingly resembled those of the famous Spanish dancers who were kind enough to come to Paris to introduce us to the charms of the genuine dances of their country. That costume was very becoming to the young woman, who, with her black eyes, her tiny mouth, her very dark eyelashes and her very light hair, was the most coquettish and saucy little minx that it was possible to find in the boulevard theatres.

Saint-Arthur, who was at the window, ran to meet Roncherolle.

"Ah! how good of you!" he cried; "you are a punctual man!"

"I never knew what it was to keep ladies waiting," said the newcomer, saluting Mademoiselle Zizi; she had not quitted her horizontal position when she saw the guest enter, and gave him an unceremonious little nod and said:

"Bonjour, monsieur."

"Mademoiselle Dutaillis," said the little dandy, taking his neighbor's hand and assuming a solemn expression, "I have the honor of presenting Monsieur de Roncherolle, my neighbor, who has been pleased to accept the invitation which--in your name as well as in mine--to have the pleasure----"

"Bah! that's enough! have you finished? You tire us with your speeches! Monsieur will present himself all right; we're here to have a spree and get a little tight. There's no need of making a lot of fuss to say that, is there, monsieur?"

"Bravo! that's the kind of a speech I like!" said Roncherolle, taking Zizi's hand and patting it; "and if I were more active, I would say also: this is the kind of woman I like!"

"Listen to that! you're not shy! You're an old rounder, you are; anyone can see that right away. You have made a fool of yourself for women, haven't you?"

"I glory in it; I have but one regret, and that is that I can't do it any more!"

"Do you hear, Alfred? Take monsieur for your model. Let his cane be your oriflamme! You will always find him on the path of glory!"

As she spoke, Zizi had taken possession of Roncherolle's cane; she thrust it into a mustard pot on the table and waved cane and mustard pot in the air. Roncherolle sank on a chair, laughing till the tears came; but Saint-Arthur cried out, because she had spattered him with the mustard, which he had received in the eye and on his waistcoat.

"_Sapristi!_ take care, Zizi; see what you've done; you're spattering mustard on my waistcoat."

"What a calamity! Waistcoats can be cleaned, my friend."

"But you have also thrown some into my eye!"

"Eyes can be cleaned too."

"It stings me horribly."

"That will make your sight clearer; and perhaps you are going to see things you don't expect, which will dazzle you! So don't cry, but attend to the important business that brings us together--the grub! Have you given your order? I'm very hungry myself; and you, monsieur?"

"I am well disposed to vie with you."

"With a fork only?"

"Ah! be careful; your eyes are the best remedy for the gout, I believe."

"Oho! if I was sure of that, I'd apply for a patent for my eyes.--By the way, Frefred, what about that rare bird, that miraculous bird, you were to give me? When will he appear? Are we going to eat him roasted?"

"I should think not! That would be a great shame, for he is magnificent. But I am perfecting his education; I'll give him to you when he is able to say pretty things."

"I am sure that you are not teaching him anything at all."

"Oh! ask my neighbor; he'll tell you that it was my cockatoo's education that led to our acquaintance."

"That is the truth, _belle dame_; oh! you will possess a very knowing bird."

"That will be a change for me, as I have never had anything but canaries.--Come, Frefred, is the dinner ordered? I am to act to-night, you know--in the last piece luckily. I don't go on till half-past ten, but I must have time to dress first; and when you have just dined and have to hurry, it swells you out and you can't get into your dresses."

"The dinner is served; I am glad to believe, my diva, that you will be content."

"I flatter myself that I shall be; besides, it's the first time you have entertained monsieur, and you ought to make it a point of honor to let him see that you have some skill in ordering a little Balthazar. Ring for the waiter, my dear boy."

"But, you see, I--I asked Jericourt to come, and he promised."

"Bah! I don't care a hang for your Jericourt, who always keeps us waiting. Why did you have to invite him? I've had my fill of your Jericourt for some time past! He puts on airs and calls everything detestable that others write. And sweet things his plays are, too! people stand in line to get tickets."

"Why, Zizi, I thought it would please you; formerly you were never satisfied if Jericourt didn't dine with us."

"Oh! formerly--that may be! but formerly and to-day--there's half a century between the two.--Say, monsieur, ought we to wait for his friend, who's always loafing, but always keeps people waiting, to give himself importance? Just exactly like the people who are slightly known in art or literature, and who, the first time a new play is given, never come till they're sure it's begun, because then everybody has to move to let them get to their stalls. And they're convinced that everyone says: 'Ah! that's So-and-so; that's the famous author! that's the celebrated artist! see--he combs his hair in a way that shows his genius!'--But instead of the exclamations of admiration that they think they call forth as they pass, if they had sharper ears, they'd hear: 'Oh! what a nuisance! what a bore! to disturb everybody in the middle of an act! The devil take the fellow! He must be very anxious to show himself! but he isn't much to look at! It's just a little bit of self-advertising! And then!'--isn't that so, monsieur?"

"Why, do you know, fascinating Zizi, that you are a keen observer?"

"I don't know what I am, but I know that I have a tremendous appetite, and that I want to dine. It's five minutes to six. We have waited a long while already."

"I agree with you, a lady should never wait for a gentleman."

Saint-Arthur rang and the waiter served the dinner. They attacked the oysters, which they watered with an excellent chablis. From time to time the host exclaimed:

"I don't care, I'm surprised that Jericourt doesn't come; I told him that he would dine with my honorable neighbor."

"You should have announced a neighbor of the other gender," said Roncherolle; "that would have been more likely to attract the gentleman."

"Never mind! never mind! let's go on eating! He'll come for dessert and we'll give him some nuts and raisins," said Zizi.

But just as the soup was served, Jericourt appeared; and he scowled slightly when he saw that they had not waited dinner for him.

"I say! come on, you miserable slow-coach!" cried Saint-Arthur; "don't you ever mean to be punctual?"

"What difference does it make--when you don't wait for me?" retorted Jericourt, with a bare salute to the company.

"Wait for you!" cried Zizi; "on my word! I think not! Catch us having pains in the stomach for monsieur!"

"My friend," said Alfred, "let me present Monsieur de Roncherolle, my neighbor."

Jericourt bent his head slightly, with a patronizing glance at Roncherolle, whose costume probably seemed to him far behind the fashion of the day. The old gentleman, observing the arrogant air with which the man of letters saluted him, made haste to say to Saint-Arthur:

"I beg pardon, my dear neighbor, but I did not ask you to present me to monsieur. Present him to me, if you please--that is all right; but that I should be presented to him--that I don't like."

Saint-Arthur was dumfounded; Jericourt compressed his lips and the little actress began to laugh, saying:

"You don't seem to be very strong in the matter of etiquette, Alfred; you'll never be appointed an ambassador, my boy!"

Jericourt, observing that the strange guest was of a punctilious temper and familiar with good society, decided to take the thing jocosely; and he rejoined, bowing to Roncherolle:

"In truth, it was my place to be presented to monsieur, for he has the advantage of age."

"A melancholy advantage, is it not, monsieur? But one must needs accept it when it comes."

"Will you have some oysters, Jericourt? I'll ring for the waiter."

"No, thanks, I don't eat oysters; I don't care about them any more."

"The deuce! you don't care about oysters! Why, I've seen the time when you adored them!"

"What a donkey you are, Alfred," cried Zizi, "to be surprised because tastes change!"

"Well! my tastes never change so far as food is concerned; I love oysters, I shall always care for them."

"Perhaps it's the oysters that care for you," said Jericourt, helping himself to soup.

"Hum! this begins well," said Roncherolle to himself, filling the actress's glass with madeira, while she glared savagely at Jericourt. That gentleman, as he ate his soup, glanced at the gentleman opposite from time to time, and said to himself:

"I know that man; this certainly isn't the first time that I've seen him; but where in the devil have I met him?"

Roncherolle, for his part, having recognized the man of letters at the first glance, smiled slyly as he submitted to be stared at, and continued to be most attentive to his fair neighbor, who said to him, eating for four all the while:

"You please me, you do! you're a good fellow! you're worth a deal more than all these youngsters! you're as young as they are, only you've been so longer!"

At last Jericourt, unable to contain himself, said to his vis-a-vis:

"Mon Dieu! monsieur, it seems to you perhaps that I stare at you rather persistently."

"That flatters me, monsieur; I assume that you find me pleasant to look at."

"That is not just the reason, monsieur; the fact is that it seems to me that this is not the first time we have met."

"True, monsieur; and I recognized you instantly, when you entered the room."

"Be good enough then to remind me where it was."

"It was near here--at the Chateau d'Eau flower market; you were bargaining for a bouquet, as was an exceedingly ugly little fellow--a friend of yours, I think--and you did not make up your mind; whereupon I arrived and put an end to your hesitation by buying the bouquet;--do you remember now?"

"Yes, monsieur, I remember very well."

And Jericourt pressed his lips together again and scowled, because that reminder recalled no agreeable memories.

"Then there was a _gamin_ who threw the ugly little fellow down, and as he fell he tore his trousers."

"Where?" queried Mademoiselle Zizi.

"Only on the knees."

"Bah! that isn't amusing enough!"

"There was also a young flower girl--a very pretty girl, on my word!"

"I know her," said Saint-Arthur; "she supplies me; it's Violette."

"What does she supply you with, you big monster?" cried Zizi, raising her fork to her lover, as if to stab him.

"Mon Dieu! it's simple enough, my angel; a flower girl supplies me with flowers, naturally."

"Hum! you would be quite capable of going to her for other supplies."

"O Zizi! for heaven's sake, don't be jealous like this. Besides, this flower girl is one of Jericourt's conquests; one of his victims."

"I don't deny it, I committed that sin; and monsieur here will bear me out in saying that the little one is worth the trouble."

"I will bear you out in saying that the little one is pretty, monsieur, but that's all; for, on the day that I saw you in her company, you did not have the air of having made a conquest of her!"

"This old fellow is decidedly antipathetic to me!" said Jericourt to himself.