Chapter XLV: Book III (4)

So saying, she, without waiting for an answer, quitted the apartment, where the knight waited for her, in the utmost suspence and concern; then being assaulted by a thousand reflections upon this new adventure, he began to think it would be very indiscreet, even so much as to dream of exposing himself to the danger of breaking his fidelity to his own mistress. ‘Who knows,’ said he to himself, ‘but the devil, who is equally crafty and dextrous, intends at present to seduce me by means of a duenna, after having in vain attempted me with empresses, queens, duchesses, marquisses, and countesses? for I have often heard it observed by a number of people of good understanding, that he will never give you an high nose, if a flat nose will serve your turn, and who knows but this solitude, opportunity, and silence, may waken those desires in me, which are now asleep, and compel me at these years to fall, where hitherto I never so much as stumbled? In such emergencies, it is surely better to avoid than await the battle. And yet, I must certainly be deprived of my senses, to talk and think at this rate; for it is absolutely impossible, that a long, meagre, white veiled, and spectacled duenna, should move or excite a lascivious thought in the lewdest bosom upon earth. Is there, for example, a duenna in nature who has a tolerable person? Is there a duenna upon this our globe who is not wrinkled, loathsome, and impertinent? Avaunt, then, ye duennian tribe, unfit for any human entertainment! Praise be to that lady who is said to have had at one end of her sopha two marble duennas, with their spectacles and bobbin cushions in the attitude of working; and these statues fulfilled the dignity of the apartment, as well as if they had been duennas of flesh and blood.’

So saying, he started from his bed, with intention to lock the door, and deny admittance to Signora Rodriguez; but, before he could execute his resolution, that lady had returned with a lighted wax taper, and seeing Don Quixote so near her, with his quilt, bandages, night cap, or hood, she was again affrighted, and retired backwards a couple of paces, saying, ‘Am I safe, Sir knight? for your worship’s getting out of bed is no great sign of virtue, methinks.’—‘Madam,’ replied Don Quixote, ‘I ought to ask you the same question; and I do accordingly ask, whether or not I am safe from assault and ravishment?’—‘Of whom, or from whom, do you demand that security, Sir Knight?’ said the duenna.

‘Of you, and from you, and you alone,’ answered Don Quixote: ‘for I am not made of marble, nor you of brass; nor is it now ten o’clock in the forenoon, but midnight, and something more, if I am not mistaken; and we are here in a more close and secret apartment than in the cave in which the treacherous and daring Æneas enjoyed the beautiful and tender-hearted Dido: yet give me your hand, Madam; for I require no other security than my own reserve and continence, together with the appearance of that most reverend veil.’

So saying, he kissed his right-hand; and took hold of hers, which she presented with the like ceremony.

Here Cid Hamet, in a parenthesis, swears by Mahomet, that to have seen these two originals thus linked, and walking from the door to the bed, he would have given the best of his two jackets.

At length Don Quixote slipped into bed, and Donna Rodriguez seated herself in a chair at some distance from it, without quitting her spectacles or candle; then the knight shrunk under the clothes, with which he covered himself in such a manner that nothing but his face appeared; and both parties having composed themselves, the first who broke silence was Don Quixote, who accosted her in these words: ‘Now, Madam Duenna Rodriguez, you may unrip and unload all that lies upon your sorrowful heart and afflicted bowels; and I shall listen to your grievances with chaste ears, and redress them with generous works.’—‘I believe as much,’ said the duenna: ‘for, from the genteel and agreeable presence of your worship, I could expect no other than such a christian reply.’

‘This, then, is the case, Signior Don Quixote; although your worship now sees me seated in this chair, in the midst of Arragon, and in the dress of a contemptible and injured duenna, I was born in the Asturias of Oviedo, of a family which intermarried with many of the best in that province; but my niggardly fate, and the extravagance of my parents, who came to untimely want, without knowing how or wherefore, drove me to the court of Madrid, where, for the sake of peace, and in order to prevent greater misfortunes, my parents provided me with the place of needle-woman, in the service of a lady of quality; and, I would have your worship to know, that in making knitting-sheaths and plain-work, no person had ever the advantage of me in the whole course of my life. As for my parents, after they had seen me settled in this place, they returned to the country, and in a few years went to heaven; for they were exceeding good catholick Christians. Meanwhile, I was left an orphan, stinted to the wretched salary, and pitiful wages, commonly given to such servants in great families: and so, about that time, a squire of the house fell in love with me, though I am sure I gave him no occasion. He was a man already well stricken in years, with a venerable beard, and of a comely appearance, and besides, as good a gentleman as the king, for he was a mountaineer. We did not correspond so secretly but our intrigue came to the knowledge of my lady; who, waving all questions and commands, caused us to be married in peace and in the face of our holy mother the Roman catholick church. The fruit of this marriage was a daughter, who was the death of my good fortune, if any such I had: not that I died in child-bed; on the contrary, I was safely and seasonably delivered; but because, soon after that event, my poor husband died of a fright; and if I had now time to recount the manner, I know your worship would be struck with admiration.’

Here she began to weep most bitterly, and thus proceeded: ‘Your worship, Signior Don Quixote, will pardon me for not being able to contain myself, for as often as I remember my unfortunate husband, mine eyes run over. God be my comfort! with what dignity did he ride before my lady, on a mighty mule as black as jet; for, at that time, they did not use coaches or chairs, which, they say, are now in fashion; and the ladies always rode behind their squires. This one circumstance, however, I cannot help recounting, because it demonstrates the good breeding and punctilio of my worthy spouse. One day, as he entered the street of St. Jago, in Madrid, which is but narrow, he happened to meet a judge, preceded by two of his officers; and my good squire no sooner beheld him, than he turned his mule in order to attend his worship. My lady, who sat behind him, said in a whisper, “Blockhead, what are you going to do? Don’t you know that I am here?” while the judge, out of politeness, stopped his horse, saying, “Pray proceed, Signior; for, it is rather my duty to attend my Lady Donna Casilda,” that was the name of my mistress. Nevertheless, my husband still persisted, with his cap in hand, in his resolution to attend the judge; and my lady, enraged at his obstinacy, pulled out a large pin, or rather, I believe, a bodkin, from her tweezer-case, and thrust it into his loins; so that my poor man roared aloud, and writhed his body in such a manner, that both he and my lady came to the ground. Her two lacquies ran immediately to lift her up, and were assisted by the judge and his officers. The whole gate of Guadalajara, (I mean, the idle people about it) were in an uproar: my lady came home a-foot; and my husband hastened to a surgeon, declaring he was thrust through the bowels. His great courtesy soon became publick, insomuch that the very children mocked him in the street; for which reason, and because he was a little short-sighted, my lady dismissed him from her service; and he took his dismission so much to heart, that I am positively certain it was the cause of his death. Thus was I left a forlorn widow, with a daughter upon my hands, who, as she grew up, increased in beauty, like the foam of the sea. In a word, as I had the character of being an excellent needle-woman, my Lady Duchess, who was just then married to my Lord Duke, carried me and my daughter, without more ado, along with her to this kingdom of Arragon; where, in process of time, my child improved in all manner of accomplishments; she sings like any sky lark, dances light as thought, cuts a caper as if she was mad, reads and writes like a school-master, and casts accounts like a miser. I say nothing of her cleanliness, for the running water is not more pure; and if my memory does not fail me, she is now sixteen years, five months, and three days, perhaps one over or under. In a word, this maiden of mine captivated the son of a rich farmer, who lives in a village not far from hence, belonging to my Lord Duke; and so, the young couple meeting, I know not where nor how, he, under promise of marriage, played the rogue with my daughter, and refuses to perform his promise; and although my Lord Duke is well acquainted with the affair; for you must know, I complained to him—not once, but divers and sundry times, desiring he would order the young farmer to take my daughter to wife; he lends a deaf ear to my complaint, and indeed will scarce give me a hearing, because, forsooth, the young rogue’s father is extremely rich, and lends him money; nay, becomes surety for him when he happens to be in trouble; so that he will by no manner of means give him the least umbrage or disgust. Now, dear Sir, my request is, that your worship would undertake to redress this grievance, either by entreaty or force of arms; for, as all the world says, your worship was born for such purposes, to rectify wrongs, and protect the wretched. And I beg your worship will consider the orphan state of my daughter, her gentility, her youth, and all those good qualities which I have told you she possesses: for in the light of Heaven, and in my own conscience, I dare aver, that of all the damsels belonging to my Lady Duchess, there is not one that comes up to the sole of her shoe: and though she whom they call Altisidora, is reckoned the most sprightly and good-humoured, when compared to my daughter, she does not come within two leagues of her; for, your worship must know, Signior, all is not gold that glitters. This same creature, Altisidora, has more forwardness than beauty, and more airiness than modesty; besides, she is not over and above wholesome; her breath has such a flavour that nobody can be near her; no, not for a moment; and even my Lady Duchess—but, mum for that! Walls have ears, as the saying is.’

‘What of my Lady Duchess?’ cried Don Quixote. ‘Signora Donna Rodriguez, I conjure you tell me, by the life of my soul.’—‘Nay, if you conjure me in that manner,’ answered the duenna, ‘I cannot help telling the truth. Signior Don Quixote your worship has, no doubt, perceived the beauty of my Lady Duchess; that freshness of complexion that shines like polished steel, those cheeks of milk and crimson, with the sun on one side, and the moon on the other, and that gaiety with which she treads, or rather disdains the ground, seeming to diffuse health and joy wheresoever she walks. Well, then, your worship must know, that she may thank God, in the first place; and, secondly, two issues in her legs, that discharge the bad humours with which the doctors say she abounds.’—‘Blessed Virgin!’ cried the knight, ‘is it possible that my Lady Duchess should have occasion for such sluices? I would hardly believe the bare-footed friars, should they make the assertion; yet, since Donna Rodriguez avers it, there is no reason to doubt, but from those issues, surely nothing but liquid amber can flow; and, in good sooth, I am now fully convinced that the use of issues must be a matter of great importance to the preservation of health.’

Scarce had Don Quixote pronounced these words, when the chamber door flew open, with a sudden slap, which surprized and disordered the duenna to such a degree, that she dropped the candle, and in a moment the apartment was dark as a dog’s mouth, as the saying is. Immediately, the poor duenna felt her throat assaulted by two hands, which pressed it so close that she could not speak: while another person, with incredible dispatch, and in great silence, turned up her petticoats, and with something like a flipper, began to make such application to her posterior parts, that she was in a most piteous taking. Although Don Quixote compassionated her case, he stirred not from his bed, as he did not know the nature of the assault, but lay snug and silent, in great fear that the same discipline would come round and sound to his own carcase. Nor was his apprehension altogether groundless; for the silent executioners having severely flogged the duenna, who durst not complain, advanced to Don Quixote; and stripping off the sheets and the quilt, pinched him so fast and so smartly, that he could not forbear defending himself by dint of fist; and the whole affair was transacted in wonderful silence. The battle having lasted about half an hour, the phantoms vanished, Donna Rodriguez adjusted her petticoats, and groaning over her misfortune, sneaked away, without speaking a syllable to the knight, who remained alone, full of pains and pinches, sorrow and confusion. And here we will leave him, burning with desire to knew who the perverse inchanter was, who had used him in such a cruel manner; but that secret shall be revealed in due season. Meanwhile we are summoned by Sancho Panza; and the excellent plan of our history obliges us to obey his call.

CHAP. XVII.
OF WHAT HAPPENED TO SANCHO PANZA, IN GOING THE ROUND OF HIS ISLAND.

We left the great governor out of humour, and enraged at the same painting country wag, who had received his cue from the duke’s steward and gentleman-sewer, sent thither on purpose to make merry at his expence: nevertheless, he held out toughly against the whole combination, Rude, and brood, and simple as he stood; and addressing himself to all present, and among the rest to Doctor Pedro Positive, who, after the duke’s letter was read, had returned to the hall, ‘Now,’ said he, ‘I am fully convinced that judges and governors are, or ought to be, made of brass, so as that they may not feel the importunity of people of business, who expect to be heard, and dispatched, at all hours and at all seasons, come what will, attending only to their own affairs; and if the poor devil of a judge does not hear and dispatch them, either because it is not in his power, or it happens to be an unseasonable time for giving audience, then they grumble and backbite, gnaw him to the very bones, and even bespatter his whole generation. Ignorant man of business! foolish man of business! be not in such a violent hurry; wait for the proper season and conjuncture, and come not at meals and sleeping time; for judges are made of flesh and blood, and must give to nature that which nature requires, excepting myself, unhappy wretch that I am! who cannot indulge my appetite, thanks to Doctor Pedro Positive Snatchaway here present, who intends that I shall die of hunger, and affirms that such a death is good living, which I pray God may fall to the share of him and all of his kidney! I mean, bad physicians; as for the good, they deserve palms and laurel.’

Every body who knew Sancho was struck with admiration at hearing him talk so elegantly, and could not account for his improvement any other way, than by supposing that posts and places of importance enlarge the faculties of some, while they stupefy the understanding of others. Finally, Doctor Pedro Positive Bodewell de Snatchaway promised to indulge his excellency with a plentiful supper at night, even though he should transgress all the aphorisms of Hippocrates. The governor rested satisfied with this declaration, waiting for the approach of night and supper with great impatience; and although time seemed to stand stock-still, the wished for hour at length arrived, when they treated him with an hachis of beef well onioned, and some calves feet not very fresh: nevertheless, he attacked these dishes with more relish than if he had been served with Milan godwits, Roman pheasants, Sorrento veal, partridges of Moron, or geese of Lavajos: and, in the midst of supper, turning towards his physician, ‘Take notice, doctor,’ said he, ‘that from henceforth you need not take the trouble to provide dainties and delicate dishes for me; they will only serve to unhinge my stomach, which is used to goats flesh, cow beef, and bacon, with turnips and onions; and, if by accident it chances to receive any of your titbits, it contains them with loathing, and sometimes throws them up: but, Master Sewer may bring me those dishes called _olla podridas_[191]; and the staler they are, so much the better. In one of these he may croud and cram all the eatables he can think of, and I will thank him for his pains; nay, one day or other, I shall make him amends; and let no man play the rogue with me: either we are or we are not; let us live and eat in harmony and peace; for, when God sends the morning, the light shines upon all. I will govern this island without favour or corruption: and let every body keep a good look-out, and mind his own affairs; for, I would have you to know, the devil’s in the dice[192]; and if you give me cause, you shall see wonders—yes, yes; make yourself honey, and the flies will bite.’

‘Assuredly, my lord governor,’ said the steward, ‘your lordship hath said nothing but the truth; and I promise, in the name of all the islanders of this island, to serve your lordship with perfect love, benevolence, and punctuality: for, the agreeable sample of government which your lordship hath given in the beginning, leaves us no room to do, or even to conceive, any thing that shall redound to the disgust and detriment of your honour.’—‘I believe what you say,’ replied Sancho; ‘and indeed they must be fools to think or act any otherwise. And I say again, let the maintenance of me and my Dapple be taken care of; for that is the main point in this business: and when the time comes, let us go and make the round; my intention is to clear the island from all sort of filth, such as vagabonds, idlers, and immoral people; for I would have you to know, my friends, that your idle and lazy fellows are the same in a commonwealth as drones in a bee-hive, that consume the honey which the industrious labourers have made. My resolution is to protect the farmers and handicrafts-men, maintain the prerogative of gentlemen, reward virtue; and, above all things, respect religion and the honour of the clergy. Tell me, my friends, what is your opinion of my plan? Does it smack of something? or do I thresh my skull to no purpose?’—‘My lord governor,’ said the steward, ‘your lordship speaks so much to the purpose, that I am struck with admiration, to hear a man so illiterate as your lordship (for I believe you do not know your letters) make so many observations full of sagacity, and give counsel so much above every thing that was expected from your lordship’s capacity, by those who sent us, as well as by ourselves who are come hither. Every day produces something new: jokes are turned into earnest, and the biters are bit.’

Night being come, and the governor having supped with the good leave of Doctor Pedro, they prepared for going the round. Accordingly his excellency went forth, accompanied by the steward, notary, gentleman-sewer, and historiographer, whose office it was to record his actions; and attended by such a number of alguazils and scriveners, as would have formed a moderate squadron. Sancho walked in the middle with his rod, and a goodly sight he was to see. Having traversed a few streets, they heard the clashing of swords, upon which hastening to the place of action, they found two men fighting, who, seeing the officers of justice, desisted; and one of them exclaimed, ‘Help, in God’s name, and the king’s! What, are people suffered to be robbed in this town, and assaulted in the very middle of the street?’—‘Compose yourself, honest friend,’ said Sancho, ‘and let me know the cause of this quarrel, for I am governor.’ Then his adversary interposing, ‘My lord governor,’ said he, ‘I will tell you the whole story in a few words: Your worship must know, that this gentleman has been at play at that gaming-house over the way, where he has won above a thousand rials, and God knows how fairly; now, I being present, decided more than once in his favour, when the bett was doubtful, against the dictates of my own conscience. He took up his winning, and when I expected he would gratify me with a crown at least, for good will, as players generally make such presents to men of honour like me, who attend in those places, ready at all adventures to support unreasonable demands, and prevent disturbance, he pocketed the cash, and went away; I followed him out of humour, yet in the most courteous manner begged he would indulge me with eight rials, as he knew me to be a gentleman without either business or fortune; for my parents neither bred me up to the one, nor left me the other; and the rascal, who, by the bye, is as great a thief as Cacus, and as arrant a sharper as Andradilla, would not give me a farthing more than four rials; so that, my lord governor, your excellency may perceive what a shameless and unconscionable rogue it is: but in good faith, if your lordship had not come up, I would have made him disgorge his winning, and taught him how to trim the balance.’ When Sancho asked what the other had to say in his own defence, he owned that, as his adversary alledged, he had refused to give him more than four rials, because the plaintiff had often tasted of his bounty; and those who expect such gratifications, ought to be thankful, and take chearfully what their benefactors bestow, without pretending to make peremptory demands upon those who win, unless they know them to be cheats, and that their winning is unfairly acquired. He likewise observed, that there could be no surer mark of his honour and fair play, than his having refused to comply with the demands of such a rascal; for sharpers are always tributary to those lookers-on who know their knavery. ‘The remark is certainly just,’ said the steward: ‘how will your excellency please to dispose of these men?’—‘What must be done, is this,’ replied the governor: ‘You, Mr. Winner, whether you be good, bad, or indifferent, must immediately pay to this here slash-buckler, one hundred rials; and, besides, disburse thirty more for the use and behoof of the poor prisoners—and you, Sir, who have neither business, fortune, or employment in this island, take these hundred rials, and some time to-morrow banish yourself from this island for the space of ten years, on penalty (if you disobey the sentence) of compleating the term of your exile in the other world; for, in that case, I will hang you on a gibbet; at least, the executioner shall do it by my order; and let no man presume to reply, or I will chastise him severely.’ The one disbursed, the other received the rials; this quitted the island, that retired to his own lodgings; and the governor, who remained on the spot, said to his followers, ‘If my power is not very small, I will suppress those gaming-houses, which I begin to perceive are very prejudicial to the publick.’—‘This, at least,’ said the notary, ‘your excellency cannot suppress; for it is kept by a person of quality, who, in the course of the year, loses a great deal more than he gets by the cards. Against petty gaming-houses of small account, which are productive of most mischief, and cover more crimes, your lordship may exert your authority; but, in the houses of noblemen and gentlemen of rank, the noted sharpers dare not put their tricks in practice; and since the vice of gaming is become a common exercise, better play in houses of fashion than in any publick gaming-house, into which an unfortunate wretch is often seduced in the middle of the night, and as it were skinned alive.’—‘Mr. Notary,’ replied the governor, ‘much may be said on that subject.’

Here he was interrupted by the arrival of a serjeant who had fast hold of a youth, and thus addressed himself to the governor: ‘This spark, my lord, was coming towards us; but no sooner had a glimpse of the officers of justice, than he turned his back, and began to scamper off as nimbly as a fallow-deer; a sure sign of his being some sort of a delinquent: I pursued him immediately, but should never have overtaken him, had not he stumbled and fallen.’—‘Young man,’ said Sancho, ‘what did you run for?’ To this question the youth replied, ‘I ran, my lord, in order to avoid the tedious interrogations of justice.’—‘What business do you follow?’—‘I am a weaver.’—‘And what sort of stuff do you weave?’—‘Iron heads for lances, with your honour’s leave.’—‘What! you are a small wit, methinks, and set up for a joker! Very well, Sir, and where was you going now?’—‘To take the air, my lord.’—‘And whereabouts do you take the air in this island?’—‘Just where it happens to blow.’—‘Good again! your answers are pat; and, to be sure, you are a pretty smart young fellow: but, hark ye, youngster, I am the air that will blow in your poop, until you are safely lodged in prison.—Here, take and order him to gaol, I will take order that he shall sleep for one night without air.’—‘’Fore God!’ cried the youth, ‘your honour can no more make me sleep in gaol, than you can make me king.’—‘And wherefore cannot I make thee sleep in gaol?’ replied Sancho; ‘is it not in my power to confine and release thee, when and where I please!’—‘How great soever your honour’s power may be,’ said the young man, ‘it is not sufficient to make me sleep in prison.’—‘How! not sufficient?’ cried Sancho: ‘away with him, and let his own eyes convince him of his mistake; and lest the gaoler should practise his interested generosity upon him, I will fine him in two thousand ducats, if he suffers thee to move one step from the prison.’—‘All this is matter of mirth,’ answered the youth; ‘for the truth is, all the people upon earth shall not make me sleep in prison.’—‘Tell me, devil,’ said Sancho, ‘hast thou got a familiar to release thee, and loose the chains with which I intend thou shalt be fettered?’—‘Now, my lord governor,’ replied the youth with a graceful air, ‘let us argue the matter, and come to the point. Suppose your excellency should order me to be carried to gaol, to be loaded with chains and shackles, and thrust into a dungeon, and lay an heavy penalty upon the gaoler, in case he should allow me to escape; and lastly, suppose he should perform his duty with all imaginable care and success; notwithstanding all these precautions, if I have no inclination to sleep, and can keep myself awake all night, without closing an eye, pray tell me, is all your lordship’s power sufficient to make me sleep against my will?’—‘No, surely,’ said the secretary; ‘and the young man has made good his assertion.’—‘Provided always,’ said Sancho, ‘that your defying sleep would be merely for your own pleasure, without any intention to contradict mine.’—‘No, my lord,’ replied the youth; ‘I never dreamt of any such intention.’—‘Then, peace be with you,’ resumed the governor, ‘you may go and sleep at home, and God send you a sound sleep, for I have no design to disturb your repose: but let me advise you, never henceforth to crack a joke upon justice; otherwise you may chance to light upon some of her ministers that will crack your scull.’

The youth went away, the governor continued his circuit; and he had not gone far, when two serjeants brought in a person they had taken, saying, ‘My lord governor, this here person that seems to be a man, is no other than a woman, and that not ugly neither, in man’s cloaths.’ Here they held up two or three lanthorns, by the light of which they discovered the face of a woman, seemingly about sixteen years of age, beautiful as a thousand pearls, with her hair tied up in a net of green silk and gold. Having surveyed her from head to foot, they perceived her stockings were of flesh coloured silk, tied with garters of white taffeta, and fringes of gold embroidery; her breeches were of green cloth of gold; she had a loose coat of the same stuff, under which she wore a jacket of the finest brocade; and her shoes were white, and made like those used by men. She had no sword about her, but a very rich dagger, and upon her fingers were a great number of valuable rings: in a word, all who beheld the girl were struck with her appearance, though not one of them knew her face; and the inhabitants of the town said they could not conceive who she was. But those who concerted the jokes that were practised upon Sancho were most struck with admiration; for this incident and salvage was not of their contriving; and therefore they stood in suspence, waiting to see the issue of the adventure; while Sancho, confounded at the girl’s beauty, asked who she was, whither she was going, and what had induced her to appear in the habit of a man. She, fixing her eyes upon the ground, with the most engaging bashfulness, replied, ‘My lord, I cannot disclose, in such a publick company, what it concerns me so much to conceal. One circumstance I beg leave to communicate: I am no thief or criminal person; but an unfortunate young lady, compelled by jealousy to trespass upon that decorum which is due to my honour and reputation.’

The steward hearing these words, said to Sancho, ‘My lord governor, be so good as to bid the people retire, that this lady may disburden her mind with more freedom.’ The governor accordingly laid his commands upon his attendants, all of whom retired, except the steward, the gentleman sewer, and the secretary; and the young lady, finding they were gone, proceeded to this effect: ‘Gentlemen, I am the daughter of Pedro Perez Mazorca, farmer of the wool in this town, who comes frequently to my father’s house.’—‘Madam,’ said the steward, ‘this will not go down. I am very well acquainted with Pedro Perez, and know he has neither chick nor child, male or female; besides, you first say he is your father, and then add, he frequently comes to your father’s house.’—‘That circumstance I likewise took notice of,’ said Sancho. ‘Well, gentlemen,’ replied the damsel, ‘I am in such confusion, that I know not what to say, but the truth is, I am the daughter of Diego de Llana, whom you must all know.’—‘Aye, this goes better,’ answered the steward; ‘Diego de Llana is my acquaintance, and a gentleman of rank and fortune; I know, too, he has a son and daughter; though, since he was a widower, no person in this town can pretend to say he ever saw the face of his daughter, whom her father keeps so closely shut up, that the sun himself has no opportunity to behold her; and yet, report says she is extremely beautiful.’—‘True,’ said the damsel; ‘I am that very daughter, and whether or not fame has belyed me in point of beauty, you yourselves, gentlemen, may judge from your own observation.’ So saying, she began to weep most tenderly.

The secretary perceiving her distress, said to the sewer in a whisper, ‘Doubtless, something of consequence must have happened to this poor young lady, seeing a person of her quality quits her own home at such an hour, and in such an equipage.’—‘Certainly,’ replied the other, ‘that suspicion is confirmed by her tears.’ As for Sancho, he consoled her in the best terms he could use, and desired that she would, without fear or constraint, communicate what had befallen her; for they would endeavour to remedy her disaster with great sincerity, and by all possible means. ‘This, then, is the case, gentlemen,’ answered the damsel: ‘my father has locked me up for the space of ten years, which are elapsed since my mother was committed to her grave: there is in the house a rich oratory where mass is said; and, in all that time, I have seen nothing but the sun in the heavens by day, and the moon and stars by night. I am utterly unacquainted with the streets, squares, churches, and all mankind, except my father, my brother, and Pedro Perez, the wool farmer, whom, because he comes frequently to our house, I took it in my head to call my father, in order to conceal the name of my real parent. I have been very disconsolate for many days and months, on account of this confinement, and his constant refusal to let me go to church; I longed to see the world, at least the town in which I first drew breath; and I did not think this desire transgressed the bounds of that decorum which young women of fashion ought to preserve. When I heard of bull-feasts, darting the javelin, and plays, I desired my brother, who is a year younger than myself, to describe the nature of these and many other things which I had not seen, and he gratified my desire to the utmost of his power; but his description served only to inflame my impatience to behold those spectacles: in a word, to cut short the account of my ruin, I say, I desired and intreated my brother—would to God I had never desired or intreated him!’

And here she renewed her lamentation; when the steward interposing, ‘Madam,’ said he, ‘be so good as to proceed, and finish the story of your adventure; for your own words and tears keep us all in the utmost suspence.’—‘I have little else to say,’ replied the damsel, ‘though a great many tears to shed; for such irregular desires are always, without fail, attended by such misfortunes.’

The beauty of this damsel having made an impression on the soul of the gentleman sewer, he once more held up the lanthorn to take another view, and the tears she let fall, he took to be seed-pearl, or the dew-drops of the meadow; nay, his fancy even compared them to oriental pearls, and he ardently wished that her misfortunes might not appear so great as her sighs and lamentation seemed to indicate.

The governor being tired of the dilatory manner in which the girl told her story, desired she would keep them no longer in suspence; for it was late, and they had a great part of their round still to perform. Then she, in the midst of interrupted sobbings and broken sighs, proceeded thus: ‘My misfortune and my disaster is nothing else than this; I begged my brother to disguise me in one of his suits, and carry me out to see the town, some night while my father should be asleep; he, importuned by my intreaties, complied with my request, and gave me this dress, while he himself put on a suit of mine, which fits him to a nicety; for he has not one hair upon his chin, and looks exactly like a very handsome girl. This night, about an hour ago, little more or less, we sallied forth from our own house; and conducted by our foot-boy, and our own unruly desire, went round the whole town; but, when we wanted to return home again, we perceived a great number of people coming up, and my brother said, “Sister, this must be the patrole; quicken your pace, put wings to your feet, and run after me, that they may not know who we are, otherwise we shall be in evil taking.” So saying, he took to his heels, and began—not to run, but to fly; but scarce had I followed him six paces, when I fell through fear, and then came the officers of justice, who brought me before your lordship, where, in consequence of my foolish and rash conduct, I find myself confounded and ashamed before so much company.’—‘So that after all, Madam,’ said Sancho, ‘no other mishap has befallen you, nor was it jealousy that brought you from your own house, as you alledged in the beginning of your story?’—‘Nothing else hath happened to me, nor did I quit my own home from jealousy, but merely from the desire of seeing the world, which extended no farther than a wish to see the streets of this town.’

The truth of this assertion was confirmed by the arrival of two other serjeants with her brother, whom they had taken in his flight. He had no other cloaths but a rich petticoat, and a mantle of blue damask laced with gold; on his head there was no cap, or any other ornament but his own hair, which was so rich and ruddy, that it looked like ringlets of gold. The governor, steward, and sewer, taking him aside, that he might not be overheard by his sister, questioned him about his being disguised in that dress; and the youth, with equal bashfulness and disorder, repeated the same story which his sister had related, to the unspeakable satisfaction of the enamoured sewer.

‘Gentlefolks,’ said the governor, ‘this is certainly a very childish trick, and in giving an account of your simplicity and rashness, there needed not all this weeping and wailing. Had you said at first, our names are so and so, and we fell upon this contrivance to steal out of our father’s house, merely to gratify our curiosity, without any other design, the affair would have been at an end, and you might have spared all this grunting and groaning.’—‘Very true,’ replied the damsel; ‘but your honour must know, my confusion was so great, that I was not mistress of my own behaviour.’—‘There is no harm done,’ replied Sancho; ‘let us go and see you safe home to the house of your father, who perhaps has not missed you as yet; and henceforward be not such a baby, or so desirous to see the world. The maid that would keep her good name, stays at home as if she was lame. A hen and a housewife, whatever they cost, if once they go gadding will surely be lost. And she that longs to see, I ween, is as desirous to be seen. This is all I shall at present say upon the subject.’

The young man thanked the governor for his intended civility in seeing them home; and accordingly they took the road to their father’s house, which was not far off. When they arrived at the gate, the brother threw a pebble, at a casement, and immediately a maid-servant who sat up for them, came down and opened the door, at which they entered, leaving all the company in admiration at their beauty and genteel deportment, as well as at their scheme of seeing the world by night, without going out of the town; but this they ascribed to their tender years.

The sewer’s heart was transpierced by the charms of the sister, whom he resolved to demand in marriage of her father the very next day, concluding he should not meet with a denial because he was a domestick of the duke’s. Even Sancho was seized with a whim and inclination to make a match between the youth and his daughter Sanchica, and he actually resolved to effectuate it in due season; taking it for granted no man would refuse his hand to a governor’s daughter.

Thus ended the round for that night, and in two days he saw the end of his government, which overthrew and destroyed all his designs, as will be seen in the sequel.

Footnote 191:

_Podrida_, signifies rotten or mortified; hence the _olla podrida_ is
in French stiled _pot-pourri_.

Footnote 192:

Literally, The devil’s in Cantiliana, which is a town of Andalusia,
near Seville.

CHAP. XVIII.
WHICH DECLARES WHO WERE THE INCHANTERS AND EXECUTIONERS
THAT SCOURGED THE DUENNA,
AND PINCHED AND SCRATCHED DON QUIXOTE—
TOGETHER WITH THE EXPEDITION OF THE PAGE,
WHO CARRIED THE LETTER TO TERESA PANZA, SANCHO’S SPOUSE.

Cid Hamet, the most punctual investigator of the most minute atoms belonging to this genuine history, says, that when Donna Rodriguez quitted her apartment to visit Don Quixote in his chamber, another duenna, who was her bedfellow, perceived her motions, and as all the individuals of that class are naturally disposed to enquire, to pry, and to smell into the affairs of their neighbours, she followed her so softly, that honest Rodriguez knew nothing at all of the matter; and when she saw her enter Don Quixote’s apartment, that she might conform to the general custom of all duennas, who are much addicted to tale-bearing, she, that instant, went and informed my Lady Duchess, that Donna Rodriguez was in the knight’s bed-chamber; the duchess communicated this intelligence to the duke, and asked leave to go along with Altisidora, and see what the duenna wanted with Don Quixote: the duke granted his permission, and the two, with great caution, treading softly, step by step, went up so close to the chamber-door, as to overhear every thing that was said; and the duchess hearing how Rodriguez divulged the secret of those healing streams[193], that flowed from her body, could not bear the duenna’s presumption, which was equally resented by Altisidora. Exasperated, therefore, and bent upon vengeance, they burst into the apartment, where they pinched the knight, and flogged the duenna, as hath been already recited; for, affronts levelled directly against the beauty and pride of the fair sex, waken the indignation of the offended party to a great degree, and inspire her with the desire of revenge.

The duchess recounted the adventure to the duke, who was extremely diverted with the particulars; and her grace resolving to proceed with her jokes, and extract entertainment from Don Quixote, dispatched the page who had acted the part of Dulcinea, in the contrivance of the disinchantment, which, by the bye, Sancho Panza had by this time forgot, so much was he engrossed by the affairs of his government——the duchess, I say, dispatched the page to Teresa Panza, with her husband’s letter, and another from her grace, together with a rosary of rich coral in a present.

The history relates, then, that the page, who was a very intelligent acute young fellow, extremely well disposed to contribute to the entertainment of his lord and lady, set out with great satisfaction for Sancho’s native place; but, before he entered the village, he saw a number of women washing linen in a brook, and of these he asked, if they could inform him whereabouts lived one Teresa Panza, wife of one Sancho Panza, squire to a certain knight, called Don Quixote de La Mancha. This question was no sooner pronounced, than a girl, who was washing, starting up, ‘That Teresa Panza,’ cried she, ‘is my mother; and that same Sancho my honoured father, and that knight our master.’—‘Come, then, young mistress,’ replied the page, ‘conduct me to your mother, for I bring her a letter and a present from that same father of yours.’—‘That I will do with all my heart, kind Sir,’ answered the girl; who seemed to be fourteen years of age, over or under; and, leaving the cloaths upon which she was at work, to one of her companions, without putting on her cap or her shoes, for she was barefoot, and her hair hung about her eyes, she ran before the page’s horse, saying, ‘Come along, good Sir, our house is at this end of the village, and there you will find my poor mother in a sorrowful taking, because she has not for many days heard any news of my honoured father’—‘But now,’ said the page, ‘I bring her such good news, that she will have reason to bless God for this happy day.’ In a word, what with dancing, running, and skipping, the wench arrived at the village; but before she entered the house, she called aloud at the door, ‘Come out, mother Teresa, come out; pray come out; here’s a gentleman who brings letters, and other good things, from my good father!’

Teresa Panza hearing this exclamation, came forth spinning tow from a distaff, with a grey petticoat, so short that it seemed to have been cut close to the placket; a jacket of the same stuff, and an open breasted shift; she was not very old, though seemingly turned of forty; but strong, hale, nervous, and tough. Seeing her daughter, with the page on horseback, ‘What is the matter, child?’ said she; ‘what gentleman is that?’—‘The very humble servant of my Lady Donna Teresa Panza,’ replied the page; who, throwing himself from his horse, ran with great eagerness and humility, to kneel before Madam Teresa, saying, ‘Grant me permission to kiss your ladyship’s hand, Madam Donna Teresa, as the legitimate and particular consort of my Lord Don Sancho Panza, sole governor of the island Barataria.’—‘Nay, good Sir, forbear; do not so!’ answered Teresa; ‘I am none of your court dames; but a poor country-woman, a ploughman’s daughter; and wife to a squire-errant, but no governor.’—‘Your ladyship,’ replied the page, ‘is the most worthy consort of the most superlatively worthy governor; and this letter and present is an incontestible proof of the truth of what I say.’ So saying, he instantly pulled from his pocket the lining of coral, set in gold, and tied it round her neck; then producing a letter, ‘This,’ said he, ‘is from my Lord Governor, and this other with the necklace, from my Lady Duchess who sent me hither.’

Teresa was confounded; and her daughter no less astonished, exclaimed, ‘I’ll be hanged if our master Don Quixote be not at the bottom of all this; and surely must have given my father that same government or countship, which he promised him so often!’—‘You are certainly in the right,’ answered the page; ‘for it is entirely on Signior Don Quixote’s account, that Signior Sancho is now governor of the island Barataria, as will appear in this letter.’—‘Pray, good gentleman, read it,’ said Teresa; ‘for though I can spin, I cannot read so much as a crumb.’—‘Nor I, neither,’ added Sanchica; ‘but stay a moment, I’ll go and fetch one that shall read it, either the curate himself, or the batchelor Sampson Carrasco, who will come with pleasure to hear news of my father.’—‘There is no occasion to fetch any person whatever,’ said the page; ‘for though I cannot spin, I can read; and read it I shall.’ He accordingly read Sancho’s letter from beginning to end; but as it hath been already recited, we shall not repeat it in this place. Then he rehearsed the other, which came from the duchess, in these words—

‘FRIEND TERESA,

‘The great talents, and excellent disposition of your husband
Sancho, induced and obliged me to beg of the duke my husband, that
he would confer upon him the government of one, among many islands
that are in his possession; and I understand he governs like any
jerfaulcon; a circumstance that affords great pleasure to me, and of
consequence to my Lord Duke; and I thank Heaven heartily, that I
have not been deceived in chusing him for that same government: for,
Madam Teresa must know, it is a very hard matter to find a good
governor in this world, and God make me as good a woman as Sancho is
a governor. I have sent you, my dear friend, a coral necklace set in
gold; and I wish, for your sake, it had been of oriental pearls;
but, He that gives, though it were but an egg, would be sorry to see
thee lame of a leg. The time will come when we shall be better
acquainted, and carry on a closer correspondence, and Heaven knows
what may come to pass. Commend me to your daughter Sanchica, and
tell her from me, to keep herself in readiness; for I mean to match
her very high, when perhaps she thinks least of the matter. I am
told your town is famous for fine large acorns; pray send me two
dozen, which I shall greatly esteem as coming from your hand. Write
me a long letter, giving an account of your health and welfare; and
if you should want any thing, you have nothing to do but open your
mouth, and it shall be measured. That God would protect you, is the
prayer of your-loving friend,

‘THE DUCHESS.’

‘La! now,’ cried Teresa, when she heard the contents of the letter, ‘what a kind, and plain, and humble lady! would I might live, and die, and be buried among such ladies, and not your gentlewomen of this town, who think, forsooth, because they are gentlefolks, the wind must not touch them, and go to church in such finery as if they were perfect queens; nay, they seem to think it a disgrace to look at a poor body; and see here now, how this worthy lady, even though no less than a duchess, calls me friend, and treats me as if I were her own equal; and equal may she be to the highest steeple in all La Mancha. As to what concerns the acorns, kind Sir, I’ll send her a whole peck, so fair and large, that people shall come far and near to see and admire them.—For the present, Sanchica, we must look to the entertainment of this gentleman; let his horse be taken care of; fetch some eggs from the stable, and cut some rashers of bacon, and let us treat him like a prince; for the good news he has brought, and his own good countenance, deserves every thing at our hands. In the mean time I’ll go out, and give an account of our good fortune to my neighbours, especially our father the curate, and Master Nicholas the barber, who are, and always were, such friends to your father.’—‘I will do as you desire, mother,’ answered Sanchica; ‘but remember, you shall give me one half of the string of coral; for I don’t take my lady duchess to be such a ninny as to send the whole for your use.’—‘It is all thy own, daughter,’ replied Teresa; ‘but thou must let me wear it a few days about my neck; for in faith and troth, it will rejoice my poor heart.’—‘It will be still more rejoiced,’ said the page, ‘when you see the bundle in that portmanteau, consisting of a suit of superfine cloth, which was never wore but one day at the hunting, by the governor, who sends it for the sole use of Miss Sanchica.’—‘May he live a thousand years!’ cried Sanchica, ‘as well as he that brings it, neither more nor less; and even two thousand, if there should be occasion.’