Chapter III (2)

“We have not heard the reports,” answered the commandant, with becoming gravity. “But we own a mountain howitzer.”

“The modernity of German ordnance--” began Augustus.

“Do you dance, Mr. Albumblatt?” asked Mrs. Starr.

“For we'll have a hop and all be your partners,” Mrs. Bainbridge exclaimed.

“I will be pleased to accommodate you, ladies.”

“It's anything for variety's sake with us, you see,” said Mrs. Starr, smoothly smiling; and once again Augustus bent blandly from his hips.

But the commanding officer wished leniency. “You see us all,” he hastened to say. “Commissioned officers and dancing-men. Pretty shabby--”

“Oh, Captain!” said a lady.

“And pretty old.”

“Captain!” said another lady.

“But alive and kicking. Captain Starr, Mr. Bainbridge, the Doctor and me. We are seven.”

Augustus looked accurately about him. “Do I understand seven, Captain?”

“We are seven,” the senior officer repeated.

Again Mr. Albumblatt counted heads. “I imagine you include the ladies, Captain? Ha! ha!”

“Seven commissioned males, sir. Our Major is on sick-leave, and two of our Lieutenants are related to the President's wife. She can't bear them to be exposed. None of us in the church-yard lie--but we are seven.”

“Ha! ha, Captain! That's an elegant double entendre on Wordsworth's poem and the War Department. Only, if I may correct your addition--ha! ha!--our total, including myself, is eight.” And Augustus grew as hilarious as a wooden nutmeg.

The commanding officer rolled an intimate eye at his wife.

The lady was sitting big with rage, but her words were cordial still: “Indeed, Mr. Albumblatt, the way officers who have influence in Washington shirk duty here and get details East is something I can't laugh about. At one time the Captain was his own adjutant and quartermaster. There are more officers at this table to-night than I've seen in three years. So we are doubly glad to welcome you at Fort Brown.”

“I am fortunate to be on duty where my services are so required, though I could object to calling it Fort Brown.” And Augustus exhaled a new smile.

“Prefer Smith?” said Captain Starr.

“You misunderstand me. When we say Fort Brown. Fort Russell, Fort Et Cetera, we are inexact. They are not fortified.”

“Cantonment Et Cetera would be a trifle lengthy, wouldn't it?” put in the Doctor, his endurance on the wane.

“Perhaps; but technically descriptive of our Western posts. The Germans criticise these military laxities.”

Captain Duane now ceased talking, but urbanely listened; and from time to time his eye would scan Augustus, and then a certain sublimated laugh, to his wife well known; would seize him for a single voiceless spasm, and pass. The experienced Albumblatt meanwhile continued, “By-the-way, Doctor, you know the Charite, of course?”

Doctor Guild had visited that great hospital, but being now a goaded man he stuck his nose in his plate, and said, unwisely: “Sharrity? What's that?” For then Augustus told him what and where it was, and that Krankenhaus is German for hospital, and that he had been deeply impressed with the modernity of the ventilation. “Thirty-five cubic metres to a bed in new wards,” he stated. “How many do you allow, Doctor?”

“None,” answered the surgeon.

“Do I understand none, Doctor?”

“You do, sir. My patients breathe in cubic feet, and swallow their doses in grains, and have their inflation measured in inches.”

“Now there again!” exclaimed Augustus, cheerily. “More antiquity to be swept away! And people say we young officers have no work cut out for us!”

“Patients don't die then under the metric system?” said the Doctor.

“No wonder Europe's overcrowded,” said Starr.

But the student's mind inhabited heights above such trifling. “Death,” he said, “occurs in ratios not differentiated from our statistics.” And he told them much more while they booked at him over their plates. He managed to say 'modernity' and 'differentiate' again, for he came from our middle West, where they encounter education too suddenly, and it would take three generations of him to speak clean English. But with all his polysyllabic wallowing, he showed himself keen-minded, pat with authorities, a spruce young graduate among these dingy Rocky Mountain campaigners. They had fought and thirsted and frozen; the books that he knew were not written when they went to school; and so far as war is to be mastered on paper, his equipment was full and polished while theirs was meagre and rusty.

And yet, if you know things that other and older men do not, it is as well not to mention them too hastily. These soldiers wished that they could have been taught what he knew; but they watched young Augustus unfolding himself with a gaze that might have seemed chill to a less highly abstract thinker. He, however, rose from the table pleasantly edified by himself, and hopeful for them. And as he left them, “Good-night, ladies and gentlemen,” he said; “we shall meet again.”

“Oh yes,” said the Doctor. “Again and again.”

“He's given me indigestion,” said Bainbridge.

“Take some metric system,” said Starr.

“And lie flat on your trajectory,” said the Doctor.

“I hate hair parted in the middle for a man,” said Mrs. Guild.

“And his superior eye-glasses,” said Mrs. Bainbridge.

“His staring conceited teeth,” hissed Mrs. Starr.

“I don't like children slopping their knowledge all over me,” said the Doctor's wife.

“He's well brushed, though,” said Mrs. Duane, seeking the bright side. “He'll wipe his feet on the mat when he comes to call.”

“I'd rather have mud on my carpet than that bandbox in any of my chairs,” said Mrs. Starr.

“He's no fool,” mused the Doctor. “But, kingdom come, what an ass!”

“Well, gentlemen,” said the commanding officer (and they perceived a flavor of the official in his tone), “Mr. Albumblatt is just twenty-one. I don't know about you; but I'll never have that excuse again.”

“Very well, Captain, we'll be good,” said Mrs. Bainbridge.

“And gr-r-ateful,” said Mrs. Starr, rolling her eyes piously. “I prophecy he'll entertain us.”

The Captain's demeanor remained slightly official; but walking home, his Catherine by his side in the dark was twice aware of that laugh of his, twinkling in the recesses of his opinions. And later, going to bed, a little joke took him so unready that it got out before he could suppress it. “My love,” said he, “my Second Lieutenant is grievously mislaid in the cavalry. Providence designed him for the artillery.”

It was wifely but not right in Catherine to repeat this strict confidence in strictest confidence to her neighbor, Mrs. Bainbridge, over the fence next morning before breakfast. At breakfast Mrs. Bainbridge spoke of artillery reinforcing the post, and her husband giggled girlishly and looked at the puzzled Duane; and at dinner Mrs. Starr asked Albumblatt, would not artillery strengthen the garrison?

“Even a light battery,” pronounced Augustus, promptly, “would be absurd and useless.”

Whereupon the mess rattled knives, sneezed, and became variously disturbed. So they called him Albumbattery, and then Blattery, which is more condensed; and Captain Duane's official tone availed him nothing in this matter. But he made no more little military jokes; he disliked garrison personalities. Civilized by birth and ripe from weather-beaten years of men and observing, he looked his Second Lieutenant over, and remembered to have seen worse than this. He had no quarrel with the metric system (truly the most sensible), and thinking to leaven it with a little rule of thumb, he made Augustus his acting quartermaster. But he presently indulged his wife with the soldier-cook she wanted at home, so they no longer had to eat their meals in Albumblatt's society; and Mrs. Starr said that this showed her husband dreaded his quartermaster worse than the Secretary of War.

Alas for the Quartermaster's sergeant, Johannes Schmoll, that routined and clock-work German! He found Augustus so much more German than he had ever been himself, that he went speechless for three days. Upon his lists, his red ink, and his ciphering, Augustus swooped like a bird of prey, and all his fond red-tape devices were shredded to the winds. Augustus set going new quadratic ones of his own, with an index and cross-references. It was then that Schmoll recovered his speech and walked alone, saying, “Mein Gott!” And often thereafter, wandering among the piled stores and apparel, he would fling both arms heavenward and repeat the exclamation. He had rated himself the unique human soul at Fort Brown able to count and arrange underclothing. Augustus rejected his laborious tally, and together they vigiled after hours, verifying socks and drawers. Next, Augustus found more horseshoes than his papers called for.

“That man gif me der stomach pain efry day,” wailed Schmoll to Sergeant Casey. “I tell him, 'Lieutenant, dose horseshoes is expendable. We don't acgount for efry shoe like they was men's shoes, und oder dings dot is issued.' 'I prefer to cake them cop!' says Baby Bismarck. Und he smile mit his two beaver teeth.”

“Baby Bismarck!” cried, joyfully, the rosy-faced Casey. “Yo-hanny, take a drink.”

“Und so,” continued the outraged Schmoll, “he haf a Board of Soorvey on dree-pound horseshoes, und I haf der stomach pain.”

“It was buckles the next month. The allowance exceeded the expenditure, Augustus's arithmetic came out wrong, and another board sat on buckles.

“Yo-hanny, you're lookin' jaded under Colonel Safetypin.” said Casey. “Have something?”

“Safetypin is my treat,” said Schmoll; “und very apt.”

But Augustus found leisure to pervade the post with his modernity. He set himself military problems, and solved them; he wrote an essay on “The Contact Squadron”; he corrected Bainbridge for saying “throw back the left flank” instead of “refuse the left flank”; he had reading-room ideas, canteen' ideas, ideas for the Indians and the Agency, and recruit-drill ideas, which he presented to Sergeant Casey. Casey gave him, in exchange, the name of Napoleon Shave-Tail, and had his whiskey again paid for by the sympathetic Schmoll.

“But bless his educated heart,” said Casey, “he don't learn me nothing that'll soil my innercence!”

Thus did the sunny-humored Sergeant take it, but not thus the mess. Had Augustus seen himself as they saw him, could he have heard Mrs. Starr--But he did not; the youth was impervious, and to remove his complacency would require (so Mrs. Starr said) an operation, probably fatal. The commanding officer held always aloof from gibing, yet often when Augustus passed him his gray eye would dwell upon the Lieutenant's back, and his voiceless laugh would possess him. That is the picture I retain of these days--the unending golden sun, the wide, gentle-colored plain, the splendid mountains, the Indians ambling through the flat, clear distance; and here, close along the parade-ground, eye-glassed Augustus, neatly hastening, with the Captain on his porch, asleep you might suppose.

One early morning the agent, with two Indian chiefs, waited on the commanding officer, and after their departure his wife found him breakfasting in solitary mirth.

“Without me,” she chided, sitting down. “And I know you've had some good news.”

“The best, my love. Providence has been tempted at last. The wholesome irony of life is about to function.”

“Frank, don't tease so! And where are you rushing now before the cakes?”

“To set our Augustus a little military problem, dearest. Plain living for to-day, and high thinking be jolly well--”

“Frank, you're going to swear, and I must know!”

But Frank had sworn and hurried out to the right to the Adjutant's office, while his Catherine flew to the left to the fence.

“Ella!” she cried. “Oh, Ella!”

Mrs. Bainbridge, instantly on the other side of the fence, brought scanty light. A telegram had come, she knew, from the Crow Agency in Montana. Her husband had admitted this three nights ago; and Captain Duane (she knew) had given him some orders about something; and could it be the Crows? “Ella, I don't know,” said Catherine. “Frank talked all about Providence in his incurable way, and it may be anything.” So the two ladies wondered together over the fence, until Mrs. Duane, seeing the Captain return, ran to him and asked, were the Crows on the war-path? Then her Frank told her yes, and that he had detailed Albumblatt to vanquish them and escort them to Carlisle School to learn German and Beethoven's sonatas.

“Stuff, stuff, stuff! Why, there he does go!” cried the unsettled Catherine. “It's something at the Agency!” But Captain Duane was gone into the house for a cigar.

Albumblatt, with Sergeant Casey and a detail of six men, was in truth hastening over that broad mile which opens between Fort Brown and the Agency. On either side of them the level plain stretched, gray with its sage, buff with intervening grass, hay-cocked with the smoky, mellow-stained, meerschaum-like canvas tepees of the Indians, quiet as a painting; far eastward lay long, low, rose-red hills, half dissolved in the trembling mystery of sun and distance; and westward, close at hand and high, shone the great pale-blue serene mountains through the vaster serenity of the air. The sounding hoofs of the troops brought the Indians out of their tepees to see. When Albumblatt reached the Agency, there waited the agent and his two chiefs, who pointed to one lodge standing apart some three hundred yards, and said, “He is there.” So then Augustus beheld his problem, the military duty fallen to him from Providence and Captain Duane.

It seems elementary for him who has written of “The Contact Squadron.” It was to arrest one Indian. This man, Ute Jack, had done a murder among the Crows, and fled south for shelter. The telegram heralded him, but with boundless miles for hiding he had stolen in under the cover of night. No welcome met him. These Fort Brown Indians were not his friends at any time, and less so now, when he arrived wild drunk among their families. Hounded out, he sought this empty lodge, and here he was, at bay, his hand against every man's, counting his own life worthless except for destroying others before he must himself die.

“Is he armed?” Albumblatt inquired, and was told yes.

Augustus considered the peaked cone tent. The opening was on this side, but a canvas drop closed it. Not much of a problem--one man inside a sack with eight outside to catch him! But the books gave no rule for this combination, and Augustus had met with nothing of the sort in Germany. He considered at some length. Smoke began to rise through the meeting poles of the tepee, leisurely and natural, and one of the chiefs said:

“Maybe Ute Jack cooking. He hungry.”

“This is not a laughing matter,” said Augustus to the by-standers, who were swiftly gathering. “Tell him that I command him to surrender,” he added to the agent, who shouted this forthwith; and silence followed.

“Tell him I say he must come out at once,” said Augustus then; and received further silence.

“He eat now,” observed the chief. “Can't talk much.”

“Sergeant Casey,” bellowed Albumblatt, “go over there and take him out!”

“The Lootenant understands,” said Casey, slowly, “that Ute Jack has got the drop on us, and there ain't no getting any drop on him.”

“Sergeant, you will execute your orders without further comment.”

At this amazing step the silence fell cold indeed; but Augustus was in command.

“Shall I take any men along, sir?” said Casey in his soldier's machine voice.

“Er--yes. Er--no. Er--do as you please.”

The six troopers stepped forward to go, for they loved Casey; but he ordered them sharply to fall back. Then, looking in their eyes, he whispered, “Good-bye, boys, if it's to be that way,” and walked to the lodge, lifted the flap, and fell, shot instantly dead through the heart. “Two bullets into him,” muttered a trooper, heavily breathing as the sounds rang. “He's down,” another spoke to himself with fixed eyes; and a sigh they did not know of passed among them. The two chiefs looked at Augustus and grunted short talk together; and one, with a sweeping lift of his hand out towards the tepee and the dead man by it, said, “Maybe Ute Jack only got three--four--cartridges--so!” (his fingers counted it). “After he kill three--four--men, you get him pretty good.” The Indian took the white man's death thus; but the white men could not yet be even saturnine.

“This will require reinforcement,” said Augustus to the audience. “The place must be attacked by a front and flank movement. It must be knocked down. I tell you I must have it knocked down. How are you to see where he is, I'd like to know, if it's not knocked down?” Augustus's voice was getting high.

“I want the howitzer,” he screeched generally.

A soldier saluted, and Augustus chattered at him.

“The howitzer, the mountain howitzer, I tell you. Don't you hear me? To knock the cursed thing he's in down. Go to Captain Duane and give him my compliments, and--no, I'll go myself. Where's my horse? My horse, I tell you! It's got to be knocked down.”

“If you please, Lieutenant,” said the trooper, “may we have the Red Cross ambulance?”

“Red Cross? What's that for? What's that?”

“Sergeant Casey, sir. He's a-lyin' there.”

“Ambulance? Certainly. The howitzer--perhaps they're only flesh wounds. I hope they are only flesh wounds. I must have more men--you'll come with me.”

From his porch Duane viewed both Augustus approach and the man stop at the hospital, and having expected a bungle, sat to hear; but at Albumblatt's mottled face he stood up quickly and said, “What's the matter?” And hearing, burst out: “Casey! Why, he was worth fifty of--Go on, Mr. Albumblatt. What next did you achieve, sir?” And as the tale was told he cooled, bitter, but official.

“Reinforcements is it, Mr. Albumblatt?”

“The howitzer, Captain.”

“Good. And G troop?”

“For my double flank movement I--”

“Perhaps you'd like H troop as reserve?”

“Not reserve, Captain. I should establish--”

“This is your duty, Mr. Albumblatt. Perform it as you can, with what force you need.”

“Thank you, sir. It is not exactly a battle, but with a, so-to-speak, intrenched--”

“Take your troops and go, sir, and report to me when you have arrested your man.”

Then Duane went to the hospital, and out with the ambulance, hoping that the soldier might not be dead. But the wholesome irony of life reckons beyond our calculations; and the unreproachful, sunny face of his Sergeant evoked in Duane's memory many marches through long heat and cold, back in the rough, good times.

“Hit twice, I thought they told me,” said he; and the steward surmised that one had missed.

“Perhaps,” mused Duane. “And perhaps it went as intended, too. What's all that fuss?”

He turned sharply, having lost Augustus among his sadder thoughts; and here were the operations going briskly. Powder-smoke in three directions at once! Here were pickets far out-lying, and a double line of skirmishers deployed in extended order, and a mounted reserve, and men standing to horse--a command of near a hundred, a pudding of pompous, incompetent, callow bosh, with Augustus by his howitzer, scientifically raising and lowering it to bear on the lone white tepee that shone in the plain. Four races were assembled to look on--the mess Chinaman, two black laundresses, all the whites in the place (on horse and foot, some with their hats left behind), and several hundred Indians in blankets. Duane had a thought to go away and leave this galling farce under the eye of Starr for the officers were at hand also. But his second thought bade him remain; and looking at Augustus and the howitzer, his laugh would have returned to him; but his heart was sore for Casey.

It was an hour of strategy and cannonade, a humiliating hour, which Fort Brown tells of to this day; and the tepee lived through it all. For it stood upon fifteen slender poles, not speedily to be chopped down by shooting lead from afar. When low bullets drilled the canvas, the chief suggested to Augustus that Ute Jack had climbed up; and when the bullets flew high, then Ute Jack was doubtless in a hole. Nor did Augustus contrive to drop a shell from the howitzer upon Ute Jack and explode him--a shrewd and deadly conception; the shells went beyond, except one, that ripped through the canvas, somewhat near the ground; and Augustus, dripping, turned at length, and saying, “It won't go down,” stood vacantly wiping his white face. Then the two chiefs got his leave to stretch a rope between their horses and ride hard against the tepee. It was military neither in essence nor to see, but it prevailed. The tepee sank, a huge umbrella wreck along the earth, and there lay Ute Jack across the fire's slight hollow, his knee-cap gone with the howitzer shell. But no blood had flown from that; blood will not run, you know, when a man has been dead some time. One single other shot had struck him--one through his own heart. It had singed the flesh.

“You see, Mr. Albumblatt,” said Duane, in the whole crowd's hearing, “he killed himself directly after killing Casey. A very rare act for an Indian, as you are doubtless aware. But if your manoeuvres with his corpse have taught you anything you did not know before, we shall all be gainers.”

“Captain,” said Mrs. Starr, on a later day, “you and Ute Jack have ended our fun. Since the Court of Inquiry let Mr. Albumblatt off, he has not said Germany once--and that's three months to-morrow.”

Twenty Minutes for Refreshments

Upon turning over again my diary of that excursion to the Pacific, I find that I set out from Atlantic waters on the 30th day of a backward and forlorn April, which had come and done nothing towards making its share of spring, but had gone, missing its chance, leaving the trees as bare as it had received them from the winds of March. It was not bleak weather alone, but care, that I sought to escape by a change of sky; and I hoped for some fellow-traveller who might begin to interest my thoughts at once. No such person met me in the several Pullmans which I inhabited from that afternoon until the forenoon of the following Friday. Through that long distance, though I had slanted southwestward across a multitude of States and vegetations, and the Mississippi lay eleven hundred miles to my rear, the single event is my purchasing some cat's-eyes of the news-agent at Sierra Blanca. Save this, my diary contains only neat additions of daily expenses, and moral reflections of a delicate and restrained melancholy. They were Pecos cat's-eyes, he told me, obtained in the rocky canyons of that stream, and destined to be worth little until fashion turned from foreign jewels to become aware of these fine native stones. And I, glad to possess the jewels of my country, chose two bracelets and a necklace of them, paying but twenty dollars for fifteen or sixteen cat's-eyes, and resolved to give them a setting worthy of their beauty. The diary continues with moral reflections upon the servility of our taste before anything European, and the handwriting is clear and deliberate. It abruptly becomes hurried, and at length well-nigh illegible. It is best, I think, that you should have this portion as it comes, unpolished, unamended, unarranged--hot, so to speak, from my immediate pencil, instead of cold from my subsequent pen. I shall disguise certain names, but that is all.

Friday forenoon, May 5.--I don't have to gaze at my cat's-eyes to kill time any more. I'm not the only passenger any more. There's a lady. She got in at El Paso. She has taken the drawing-room, but sits outside reading newspaper cuttings and writing letters. She is sixty, I should say, and has a cap and one gray curl. This comes down over her left ear as far as a purple ribbon which suspends a medallion at her throat. She came in wearing a sage-green duster of pongee silk, pretty nice, only the buttons are as big as those largest mint-drops. “You porter,” she said, “brush this.” He put down her many things and received it. Her dress was sage green, and pretty nice too. “You porter,” said she, “open every window. Why, they are, I declare! What's the thermometer in this car?” “Ninety-five, ma'am. Folks mostly travelling--” “That will do, porter. Now you go make me a pitcher of lemonade right quick.” She went into the state-room and shut the door. When she came out she was dressed in what appeared to be chintz bedroom curtains. They hang and flow loosely about her, and are covered with a pattern of pink peonies. She has slippers--Turkish--that stare up in the air, pretty handsome and comfortable. But I never before saw any one travel with fly-paper. It must be hard to pack. But it's quite an idea in this train. Fully a dozen flies have stuck to it already; and she reads her clippings, and writes away, and sips another glass of lemonade, all with the most extreme appearance of leisure, not to say sloth. I can't imagine how she manages to produce this atmosphere of indolence when in reality she is steadily occupied. Possibly the way she sits. But I think it's partly the bedroom curtains.

These notes were interrupted by the entrance of the new conductor. “If you folks have chartered a private car, just say so,” he shouted instantly at the sight of us. He stood still at the extreme end and removed his hat, which was acknowledged by the lady. “Travel is surely very light, Gadsden,” she assented, and went on with her writing. But he remained standing still, and shouting like an orator: “Sprinkle the floor of this car, Julius, and let the pore passengers get a breath of cool. My lands!” He fanned himself sweepingly with his hat. He seemed but little larger than a red squirrel, and precisely that color. Sorrel hair, sorrel eyebrows, sorrel freckles, light sorrel mustache, thin aggressive nose, receding chin, and black, attentive, prominent eyes. He approached, and I gave him my ticket, which is as long as a neck-tie, and has my height, the color of my eyes and hair, and my general description, punched in the margin. “Why, you ain't middle-aged!” he shouted, and a singular croak sounded behind me. But the lady was writing. “I have been growing younger since I bought that ticket,” I explained. “That's it, that's it,” he sang; “a man's always as old as he feels, and a woman--is ever young,” he finished. “I see you are true to the old teachings and the old-time chivalry, Gadsden,” said the lady, continuously busy. “Yes, ma'am. Jacob served seven years for Leah and seven more for Rachel.” “Such men are raised today in every worthy Louisiana home, Gadsden, be it ever so humble.” “Yes, ma'am. Give a fresh sprinkle to the floor, Julius, soon as it goes to get dry. Excuse me, but do you shave yourself, sir?” I told him that I did, but without excusing him. “You will see that I have a reason for asking,” he consequently pursued, and took out of his coat-tails a round tin box handsomely labelled “Nat. Fly Paper Co.,” so that I supposed it was thus, of course, that the lady came by her fly-paper. But this was pure coincidence, and the conductor explained: “That company's me and a man at Shreveport, but he dissatisfies me right frequently. You know what heaven a good razor is for a man, and what you feel about a bad one. Vaseline and ground shells,” he said, opening the box, “and I'm not saying anything except it will last your lifetime and never hardens. Rub the size of a pea on the fine side of your strop, spread it to an inch with your thumb. May I beg a favor on so short a meeting? Join me in the gentlemen's lavatory with your razorstrop in five minutes. I have to attend to a corpse in the baggage-car, and will return at once.” “Anybody's corpse I know, Gadsden?” said the lady. “No, ma'am. Just a corpse.”

When I joined him, for I was now willing to do anything, he was apologetic again. “'Tis a short acquaintance,” he said, “but may I also beg your razor? Quick as I get out of the National Fly I am going to register my new label. First there will be Uncle Sam embracing the world, signifying this mixture is universal, then my name, then the word Stropine, which is a novelty and carries copyright, and I shall win comfort and doubtless luxury. The post barber at Fort Bayard took a dozen off me at sight to retail to the niggers of the Twenty-fourth, and as he did not happen to have the requisite cash on his person I charged him two roosters and fifty cents, and both of us done well. He's after more Stropine, and I got Pullman prices for my roosters, the buffet-car being out of chicken a la Marengo. There is your razor, sir, and I appreciate your courtesy.” It was beautifully sharpened, and I bought a box of the Stropine and asked him who the lady was. “Mrs. Porcher Brewton!” he exclaimed. “Have you never met her socially? Why she--why she is the most intellectual lady in Bee Bayou.” “Indeed!” I said. “Why she visits New Orleans, and Charleston, and all the principal centres of refinement, and is welcomed in Washington. She converses freely with our statesmen and is considered a queen of learning. Why she writes po'try, sir, and is strong-minded. But a man wouldn't want to pick her up for a fool, all the samey.” “I shouldn't; I don't,” said I. “Don't you do it, sir. She's run her plantation all alone since the Colonel was killed in sixty-two. She taught me Sunday-school when I was a lad, and she used to catch me at her pecan-trees 'most every time in Bee Bayou.”

He went forward, and I went back with the Stropine in my pocket. The lady was sipping the last of the lemonade and looking haughtily over the top of her glass into (I suppose) the world of her thoughts. Her eyes met mine, however. “Has Gadsden--yes, I perceive he has been telling about me,” she said, in her languid, formidable voice. She set her glass down and reclined among the folds of the bedroom curtains, considering me. “Gadsden has always been lavish,” she mused, caressingly. “He seems destined to succeed in life,” I hazarded. “ah n--a!” she sighed, with decision. “He will fail.” As she said no more and as I began to resent the manner in which she surveyed me, I remarked, “You seem rather sure of his failure.” “I am old enough to be his mother, and yours,” said Mrs. Porcher Brewton among her curtains. “He is a noble-hearted fellow, and would have been a high-souled Southern gentleman if born to that station. But what should a conductor earning $103.50 a month be dispersing his attention on silly patents for? Many's the time I've told him what I think; but Gadsden will always be flighty.” No further observations occurring to me, I took up my necklace and bracelets from the seat and put them in my pocket. “Will you permit a meddlesome old woman to inquire what made you buy those cat's-eyes?” said Mrs. Brewton. “Why--” I dubiously began. “Never mind,” she cried, archly. “If you were thinking of some one in your Northern home, they will be prized because the thought, at any rate, was beautiful and genuine. 'Where'er I roam, whatever realms to see, my heart, untravelled, fondly turns to thee.' Now don't you be embarrassed by an old woman!” I desired to inform her that I disliked her, but one can never do those things; and, anxious to learn what was the matter with the cat's-eyes, I spoke amiably and politely to her. “Twenty dollars!” she murmured. “And he told you they came from the Pecos!” She gave that single melodious croak I had heard once before. Then she sat up with her back as straight as if she was twenty. “My dear young fellow, never do you buy trash in these trains. Here you are with your coat full of--what's Gadsden's absurd razor concoctions--strut--strop--bother! And Chinese paste buttons. Last summer, on the Northern Pacific, the man offered your cat's-eyes to me as native gems found exclusively in Dakota. But I just sat and mentioned to him that I was on my way home from a holiday in China, and he went right out of the car. The last day I was in Canton I bought a box of those cat's-eyes at eight cents a dozen.” After this we spoke a little on other subjects, and now she's busy writing again. She's on business in California, but will read a paper at Los Angeles at the annual meeting of the Golden Daughters of the West. The meal station is coming, but we have agreed to--

Later, Friday afternoon.--I have been interrupted again. Gadsden entered, removed his hat, and shouted: “Sharon. Twenty minutes for dinner.” I was calling the porter to order a buffet lunch in the car when there tramped in upon us three large men of such appearance that a flash of thankfulness went through me at having so little ready-money and only a silver watch. Mrs. Brewton looked at them and said, “Well, gentlemen?” and they took off their embroidered Mexican hats. “We've got a baby show here,” said one of them, slowly, looking at me, “and we'd be kind of obliged if you'd hold the box.” “There's lunch put up in a basket for you to take along,” said the next, “and a bottle of wine--champagne. So losing your dinner won't lose you nothing.” “We're looking for somebody raised East and without local prejudice,” said the third. “So we come to the Pullman.” I now saw that so far from purposing to rob us they were in a great and honest distress of mind. “But I am no judge of a baby,” said I; “not being mar--” “You don't have to be,” broke in the first, more slowly and earnestly. “It's a fair and secret ballot we're striving for. The votes is wrote out and ready, and all we're shy of is a stranger without family ties or business interests to hold the box and do the counting.” His deep tones ceased, and he wiped heavy drops from his forehead with his shirt sleeve. “We'd be kind of awful obliged to you,” he urged. “The town would be liable to make it two bottles,” said the second. The third brought his fist down on the back of a seat and said, “I'll make it that now.” “But, gentlemen,” said I, “five, six, and seven years ago I was not a stranger in Sharon. If my friend Dean Drake was still here--” “But he ain't. Now you might as well help folks, and eat later. This town will trust you. And if you quit us--” Once more he wiped the heavy drops away, while in a voice full of appeal his friend finished his thought: “If we lose you, we'll likely have to wait till this train comes in to-morrow for a man satisfactory to this town. And the show is costing us a heap.” A light hand tapped my arm, and here was Mrs. Brewton saying: “For shame! Show your enterprise.” “I'll hold this yere train,” shouted Gadsden, “if necessary.” Mrs. Brewton rose alertly, and they all hurried me out. “My slippers will stay right on when I'm down the steps,” said Mrs. Brewton, and Gadsden helped her descend into the blazing dust and sun of Sharon. “Gracious!” said she, “what a place! But I make it a point to see everything as I go.” Nothing had changed. There, as of old, lay the flat litter of the town--sheds, stores, and dwellings, a shapeless congregation in the desert, gaping wide everywhere to the glassy, quivering immensity; and there, above the roofs, turned the slatted wind-wheels. But close to the tracks, opposite the hotel, was an edifice, a sort of tent of bunting, from which brass music issued, while about a hundred pink and blue sun-bonnets moved and mixed near the entrance. Little black Mexicans, like charred toys, lounged and lay staring among the ungraded dunes of sand. “Gracious!” said Mrs. Brewton again. Her eye lost nothing; and as she made for the tent the chintz peonies flowed around her, and her step was surprisingly light. We passed through the sunbonnets and entered where the music played. “The precious blessed darlings!” she exclaimed, clasping her hands. “This will do for the Golden Daughters,” she rapidly added; “yes, this will distinctly do.” And she hastened away from me into the throng.

I had no time to look at much this first general minute. I could see there were booths, each containing a separate baby. I passed a whole section of naked babies, and one baby farther along had on golden wings and a crown, and was bawling frightfully. Their names were over the booths, and I noticed Lucille, Erskine Wales, Banquo Lick Nolin, Cuba, Manilla, Ellabelle, Bosco Grady, James J. Corbett Nash, and Aqua Marine. There was a great sign at the end, painted “Mrs. Eden's Manna in the Wilderness,” and another sign, labelled “Shot-gun Smith's twins.” In the midst of these first few impressions I found myself seated behind a bare table raised three feet or so, with two boxes on it, and a quantity of blank paper and pencils, while one of the men was explaining me the rules and facts. I can't remember them all now, because I couldn't understand them all then, and Mrs. Brewton was distant among the sun-bonnets, talking to a gathering crowd and feeling in the mouths of babies that were being snatched out of the booths and brought to her. The man was instructing me steadily all the while, and it occurred to me to nod silently and coldly now and then, as if I was doing this sort of thing every day. But I insisted that some one should help me count, and they gave me Gadsden.

Now these facts I do remember very clearly, and shall never forget them. The babies came from two towns--Sharon, and Rincon its neighbor. Alone, neither had enough for a good show, though in both it was every family's pride to have a baby every year. The babies were in three classes: Six months and under, one prize offered; eighteen months, two prizes; three years, two prizes. A three-fourths vote of all cast was necessary to a choice. No one entitled to vote unless of immediate family of a competing baby. No one entitled to cast more than one vote. There were rules of entry and fees, but I forget them, except that no one could have two exhibits in the same class. When I read this I asked, how about twins? “Well, we didn't kind of foresee that,” muttered my instructor, painfully; “what would be your idea?” “Look here, you sir,” interposed Mrs. Brewton, “he came in to count votes.” I was very glad to have her back. “That's right, ma'am,” admitted the man; “he needn't to say a thing. We've only got one twins entered,” he pursued, “which we're glad of. Shot-gun--“, “Where is this Mr. Smith?” interrupted Mrs. Brewton. “Uptown, drinking, ma'am.” “And who may Mr. Smith be?” “Most popular citizen of Rincon, ma'am. We had to accept his twins because--well, he come down here himself, and most of Rincon come with him, and as we aimed to have everything pass off pleasant-like--” “I quite comprehend,” said Mrs. Brewton. “And I should consider twins within the rule; or any number born at one time. But little Aqua Marine is the finest single child in that six months class. I told her mother she ought to take that splurgy ring off the poor little thing's thumb. It's most unsafe. But I should vote for that child myself.” “Thank you for your valuable endorsement,” said a spruce, slim young man. “But the public is not allowed to vote here,” he added. He was standing on the floor and resting his elbows on the table. Mrs. Brewton stared down at him. “Are you the father of the child?” she inquired. “Oh no! I am the agent. I--” “Aqua Marine's agent?” said Mrs. Brewton, sharply. “Ha, ha!” went the young man. “Ha, ha! Well, that's good too. She's part of our exhibit. I'm in charge of the manna-feds, don't you know?” “I don't know,” said Mrs. Brewton. “Why, Mrs. Eden's Manna in the Wilderness! Nourishes, strengthens, and makes no unhealthy fat. Take a circular, and welcome. I'm travelling for the manna. I organized this show. I've conducted twenty-eight similar shows in two years. We hold them in every State and Territory. Second of last March I gave Denver--you heard of it, probably?” “I did not,” said Mrs. Brewton. “Well! Ha, ha! I thought every person up to date had heard of Denver's Olympic Offspring Olio.” “Is it up to date to loll your elbows on the table when you're speaking to a lady?” inquired Mrs. Brewton. He jumped, and then grew scarlet with rage. “I didn't expect to learn manners in New Mexico,” said he. “I doubt if you will,” said Mrs. Brewton, and turned her back on him. He was white now; but better instincts, or else business, prevailed in his injured bosom. “Well,” said he, “I had no bad intentions. I was going to say you'd have seen ten thousand people and five hundred babies at Denver. And our manna-feds won out to beat the band. Three first medals, and all exclusively manna-fed. We took the costume prize also. Of course here in Sharon I've simplified. No special medal for weight, beauty, costume, or decorated perambulator. Well, I must go back to our exhibit. Glad to have you give us a call up there and see the medals we're offering, and our fifteen manna-feds, and take a package away with you.” He was gone.

The voters had been now voting in my two boxes for some time, and I found myself hoping the manna would not win, whoever did; but it seemed this agent was a very capable person. To begin with, every family entering a baby drew a package of the manna free, and one package contained a diamond ring. Then, he had managed to have the finest babies of all classes in his own exhibit. This was incontestable, Mrs. Brewton admitted, after returning from a general inspection; and it seemed to us extraordinary. “That's easy, ma'am,” said Gadsden; “he came around here a month ago. Don't you see?” I did not see, but Mrs. Brewton saw at once. He had made a quiet selection of babies beforehand, and then introduced the manna into those homes. And everybody in the room was remarking that his show was very superior, taken as a whole they all added, “taken as a whole”; I heard them as they came up to vote for the 3-year and the 18-month classes. The 6-month was to wait till last, because the third box had been accidentally smashed by Mr. Smith. Gadsden caught several trying to vote twice. “No, you don't!” he would shout. “I know faces. I'm not a conductor for nothing.” And the victim would fall back amid jeers from the sun-bonnets. Once the passengers sent over to know when the train was going. “Tell them to step over here and they'll not feel so lonesome!” shouted Gadsden; and I think a good many came. The band was playing “White Wings,” with quite a number singing it, when Gadsden noticed the voting had ceased, and announced this ballot closed. The music paused for him, and we could suddenly hear how many babies were in distress; but for a moment only; as we began our counting, “White Wings” resumed, and the sun-bonnets outsang their progeny. There was something quite singular in the way they had voted. Here are some of the 3-year-old tickets: “First choice, Ulysses Grant Blum; 2d choice, Lewis Hendricks.” “First choice, James Redfield; 2d, Lewis Hendricks.” “First, Elk Chester; 2d, Lewis Hendricks.” “Can it be?” said the excited Gadsden. “Finish these quick. I'll open the 18-monthers.” But he swung round to me at once. “See there!” he cried. “Read that! and that!” He plunged among more, and I read: “First choice, Lawrence Nepton Ford, Jr.; 2d, Iona Judd.” “First choice, Mary Louise Kenton; 2d, Iona Judd.” “Hurry up!” said Gadsden; “that's it!” And as we counted, Mrs. Brewton looked over my shoulder and uttered her melodious croak, for which I saw no reason. “That young whipper-snapper will go far,” she observed; nor did I understand this. But when they stopped the band for me to announce the returns, one fact did dawn on me even while I was reading: “Three-year-olds: Whole number of votes cast, 300; necessary to a choice, 225. Second prize, Lewis Hendricks, receiving 300. First prize, largest number of votes cast, 11, for Salvisa van Meter. No award. Eighteen-month class: Whole number of votes cast, 300; necessary to a choice, 225. Second prize, Iona Judd, receiving 300. Lillian Brown gets 15 for 1st prize. None awarded.” There was a very feeble applause, and then silence for a second, and then the sun-bonnets rushed together, rushed away to others, rushed back; and talk swept like hail through the place. Yes, that is what they had done. They had all voted for Lewis Hendricks and Iona Judd for second prize, and every family had voted the first prize to its own baby. The Browns and van Meters happened to be the largest families present. “He'll go far! he'll go far!” repeated Mrs. Brewton. Sport glittered in her eye. She gathered her curtains, and was among the sun-bonnets in a moment. Then it fully dawned on me. The agent for Mrs. Eden's Manna in the Wilderness was indeed a shrewd strategist, and knew his people to the roots of the grass. They had never seen a baby-show. They were innocent. He came among them. He gave away packages of manna and a diamond ring. He offered the prizes. But he proposed to win some. Therefore he made that rule about only the immediate families voting. He foresaw what they would do; and now they had done it. Whatever happened, two prizes went to his manna-feds. “They don't see through it in the least, which is just as well,” said Mrs. Brewton, returning. “And it's little matter that only second prizes go to the best babies. But what's to be done now?” I had no idea; but it was not necessary that I should.

“You folks of Rincon and Sharon,” spoke a deep voice. It was the first man in the Pullman, and drops were rolling from his forehead, and his eyes were the eyes of a beleaguered ox. “You fathers and mothers,” he said, and took another breath. They grew quiet. “I'm a father myself, as is well known.” They applauded this. “Salvisa is mine, and she got my vote. The father that will not support his own child is not--does not--is worse than if they were orphans.” He breathed again, while they loudly applauded. “But, folks, I've got to get home to Rincon. I've got to. And I'll give up Salvisa if I'm met fair.” “Yes, yes, you'll be met,” said voices of men. “Well, here's my proposition: Mrs. Eden's manna has took two, and I'm satisfied it should. We voted, and will stay voted.” “Yes, yes!” “Well, now, here's Sharon and Rincon, two of the finest towns in this section, and I say Sharon and Rincon has equal rights to get something out of this, and drop private feelings, and everybody back their town. And I say let this lady and gentleman, who will act elegant and on the square, take a view and nominate the finest Rincon 3-year-old and the finest Sharon 18-month they can cut out of the herd. And I say let's vote unanimous on their pick, and let each town hold a first prize and go home in friendship, feeling it has been treated right.”

Universal cheers endorsed him, and he got down panting. The band played “Union Forever,” and I accompanied Mrs. Brewton to the booths. “You'll remember!” shouted the orator urgently after us; “one apiece.” We nodded. “Don't get mixed,” he appealingly insisted. We shook our heads, and out of the booths rushed two women, and simultaneously dashed their infants in our faces. “You'll never pass Cuba by!” entreated one. “This is Bosco Grady,” said the other. Cuba wore an immense garment made of the American flag, but her mother whirled her out of it in a second. “See them dimples; see them knees!” she said. “See them feet! Only feel of her toes!” “Look at his arms!” screamed the mother of Bosco. “Doubled his weight in four months.” “Did he indeed, ma'am?” said Cuba's mother; “well, he hadn't much to double.” “Didn't he, then? Didn't he indeed?” “No at you; he didn't indeed and indeed! I guess Cuba is known to Sharon. I guess Sharon'll not let Cuba be slighted.” “Well, and I guess Rincon'll see that Bosco Grady gets his rights.” “Ladies,” said Mrs. Brewton, towering but poetical with her curl, “I am a mother myself, and raised five noble boys and two sweet peerless girls.” This stopped them immediately; they stared at her and her chintz peonies as she put the curl gently away from her medallion and proceeded: “But never did I think of myself in those dark weary days of the long ago. I thought of my country and the Lost Cause.” They stared at her, fascinated. “Yes, m'm,” whispered they, quite humbly. “Now,” said Mrs. Brewton, “what is more sacred than an American mother's love? Therefore let her not shame it with anger and strife. All little boys and girls are precious gems to me and to you. What is a cold, lifeless medal compared to one of them? Though I would that all could get the prize! But they can't, you know.” “No, m'm.” Many mothers, with their children in their arms, were now dumbly watching Mrs. Brewton, who held them with a honeyed, convincing smile. “If I choose only one in this beautiful and encouraging harvest, it is because I have no other choice. Thank you so much for letting me see that little hero and that lovely angel,” she added, with a yet sweeter glance to the mothers of Bosco and Cuba. “And I wish them all luck when their turn comes. I've no say about the 6-month class, you know. And now a little room, please.”