Chapter I: Part 1

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE

This book was published in 1760 at a time when there was no
standardized spelling, and this etext is a careful reproduction of
the original book. Except for a small number of changes noted at the
end of the book, the punctuation and spelling in the text has been
left unchanged.

Italic text is denoted by _underscores_.

Two or more dashes in the original text are generally denoted by —
(emdash). However in names (such as ‘the D--- of -------’ in the
original text) the dashes are denoted by —— (double emdash).

THE

LIFE

AND

ADVENTURES

OF A

CAT.

LONDON:

Printed for WILLOUGHBY MYNORS, in
Middle-Row, Holborn.
M DCC LX.

THE

HISTORY

OF A

CAT.

CHAP. I.

_On the sagacity of_ Cats, _superiour to that of any other
animal_.

It has been ever a sage remark of the wisest philosophers, that all creatures bear about them the criterion of their peculiar nature: Such as the ferocity of the Lyon, the grimness of the Tyger, the cunning of the Fox: Among the animals who boast of gravity, none can pretend to that sedateness which the _Cat_, on first view, arrogates to itself above all others. The _Owl_, indeed, has time immemorial, dared to enter the lists, and therefore was by the ignorant ancients, dedicated to _Minerva_, the goddess of _Wisdom_, but whether the Owl’s letters patent were ever made out for that title, is a question, which must be decided by the more learned,

_Et, adhuc sub judice lis est._

The Ass too has had the assurance, to throw down his gauntlet in this tournament, tho’ with no better a face than his competitor, the bird of _Minerva_. But what person, tho’ ever so little inclined, to the talents of observation, could possibly avoid taking notice of the uncommon _prudery_ of the _Cat_. He, or she, male, or female, shall take their post close by a fire side, with all the conformity, with all that respectable quality, which should entitle him or her to a notable attention. Nay the old ladies, vulgarly called old women, have been so hardy as to say, that Cats are witches, that they can prognosticate, foretell, predict, and what not? and it is affirmed by some of those venerable matrons, that a cat has made an Almanack. I have heard indeed, and with some aspect of credibility, that a Cat is something barometrical, or in plainer terms bears a resemblance to a weather glass; that when she washes her face, it is a sign of good weather, and when she is in her frolicks, it will blow hard, but how to attest these diagnostic symptoms is above our capacity, and even Pliny himself the natural historian would be puzzled to decide a matter of such consequence.

To possess two qualities eminently distinct, is the inheritance of no creature upon earth. The Dog is faithful, vigilant, docile, and of an excellent scent. The Horse boasts of many virtues, and amiable endowments; his speed, his strength and other illustrious talents recommend him to man: So of other animals; but none of these enumerates good qualities diametrically opposite each other. Now in the Cat, there appears the utmost austerity, with the greatest levity. A rake and a senator are most wonderfully compounded. Who can analize these differing ingredients, so demure a puritan on a sudden, converted into the most absolute debauchè? One time sitting for four or five hours in the attitude of solemnity, and then on sudden break out into the most dissolute festivity. These qualities, so dissonant, so very opposite to each other, must indicate something superior in the animal, whose history we are at present writing, and we think we have proved this superiority of the Cat above all other animals so incontestibly, that all historians, ancient and modern, must submit to our sublime decree, or else confute our at present irrefragable argument in some future treatise.

CHAP. II.

_Of the Lyon_, &c.

Nature has bestowed in the distribution of her various gifts, some characterestic badge to every animal, by which they know and are known to each other; and by which they are conversible with, or envious to one another. Sociability, or the love of herding, is not so peculiar to man, as man would boast. Lyons, horses, dogs, Cats, and the other species are as fond of forming colonies as we are. And yet in contradistinction to this principle, we see the Lion chase the _Jack-all_ for his caterer. The _Jack-all_, says _Pliny_, is endowed with the most excellent nose to investigate the paths of those weak, or timorous beasts, which are the Lion’s prey. This scent renders him the more useful to his friend the _Lyon_, whom he _leads by the nose_ to a herd of deer or oxen. The Lyon, wanting this fine scent, and convinced of his deficience, takes into his familiarity, and confidence, this weak animal, who makes use of the other’s strength, and from his own inability in personal prowess, compensates the loss by the admirable organization of his odorific nerves. Thus, in like manner, the Pilot-fish conveys the Shark to his prey: And I have read in some learned antiquary of a bird, called the _Tooth-pick_, which lives on the leavings of the _Crocodile_, who having filled his belly with what fish he can pick up in the _Nile_, lies on his back, on the banks of that river, and basks himself with delight, while this bird, guided by instinct, and no way afraid of his terrors, perches on his teeth, and from the gleanings feeds himself to satiety. We ought not in this detail omit to take notice of the _Fly-eater_, who puts his tongue out, till several thousand flies, have in swarms covered it, and when he perceives it to be pretty well stocked, all on a sudden introduces the cargo, where it is fairly entered; and this trick he plays for several hours, till the custom-house can hold no more.

CHAP. III.

_Of the more docile, and sagacious animals, such as Dogs, Horses,
Elephants_, &c.

There are few people but have either seen or heard of the _learned Dog, Le Chien Scavant_, and yet his uncommon knowledge, except we should now record it, will appear incredible to posterity. He could read, write, and figure, play cards, spell any person’s names, with many other parts in useful knowledge; and, as _Hudibras_ says,

_Greek was to him no more difficile
Than to a blackbird ’tis to whistle._

We have heard of a dog who saved money, and lent it out to usury; of a horse that would usually of a morning go out a hunting with the hounds; of the Elephant there are many strange accounts, among the rest of his surprising gratitude and love for his keeper, his vast memory, and retention, and his understanding the language of those among whom he is reared; I say, these and more excellencies of the several creatures are to be found all concentered in the Cat, therefore expecting an implicit belief to all we have advanced, concerning this most sagacious of all sagacious animals, we shall immediately enter upon, and to our history, still reserving to ourselves the honour of having said nothing but was necessary to introduce our hero into the world.

CHAP. IV.

Tom _the Cat is born of poor but honest parents. His mother dies
in child-bed, his brothers and sisters, to the number of nine are
sent adrift, and drowned._

_Mab_, the mother of _Tom_, was left a widow by a former husband, who had left behind him no great means to support her, and therefore she wisely thought it the best expedient she could make use of to change her condition once more, and enter into the state of matrimony. We are left in the dark, as to the person who performed the ceremony, nor are we certain, whether the _Feline_ gentleman who tied them together, was regularly qualified to do his office, but he discharged it to the great satisfaction of both parties; though some are malicious enough to insinuate, that he went snacks with the bridegroom that very night, who not having it in his power to provide a wedding-supper, is reported by the best historians, to have left his wife in very unuxorious manner to run after a Rat, which served him for supper. Now as it is a wise child that knows his own father, so we dare not insist upon _Tom’s_ being the lawful issue of _Mowser_, or the spurious child of the parson; be that as it will, he was brought into this troublesome world on the 29th. day of _September_, a day memorable for the perplexity which the generality of tenants are in, to find or raise money to pay their rents. On account of this day on which he was born, several of his father’s friends were for having him called _Michael_, but more solid arguments, which we never heard, being offered, he was called _Tom_. His poor mother having born nine helpless children beside himself, and being exhausted in spirits, by the hard labour which she underwent, expired in the company of the midwife, and some other good neighbours, of the Feline species, who performed their last office, and buried her in an adjacent Dunghill. Mab’s Mistress was seeking her, and having called to no purpose, found ten very fine bantlings lying under the bed, nine of which she drowned, and saved one, who happened to be our illustrious Hero, she took the care of Tom on herself, intending he should spend his days with her in regard to his mother Mab, of whom she never could get any tidings ever after; she did not care to put him out to nurse, having heard so many sad stories of those nurses daily employed to supply the foundling Hospital, and therefore she determined, to nurse him herself. This is the truest account we could collect from the best authors, concerning his birth; as to his genealogy, we did examine into that, and to that end ransacked several circulating libraries for Welch records, which we traced backwards even to the Cat of Whittington, but found nothing that we dared advance as truth, for we scorn to impose upon our readers, with reports or facts, which we cannot vouch for. Nevertheless we make no question, but Tom’s parents, by father and mother’s side, could put in their claim to as high a descent, in Feline genealogy as Whittinton’s Cat, or the famous Cat of Montaigne, who laughed at her Master for being such a fool, as to spend his time in playing with her, and actually told him so, or Montaigne himself is a liar, who very gravely reports it for truth in some of his essays.

CHAP. V.

_Tom_’s _Education.—His Manner of Life with his Mistress, whose
History is introduced here in a short Narrative._

It was Tom’s peculiar beauty, and size that saved his life, for his Mistress _had Eyes_, and chose him out of ten, so that he was a kind of _tythe Cat_, and survived the unhappy fate of his brothers, and sisters by decimation, proving to the disgrace of Methodists, that even among Cats, one in ten may be saved, though according to their illustrious tenets, that will not be the portion of one in ten of themselves. However Tom grew up and gave earnest of being a most promising youth, having gone thro’ all the gambols and feats of childhood, peculiar to those of his kind, and to the great satisfaction of all who knew him, or had the honour of his acquaintance.—His Mistress, however was inexcuseable in point of tenderness, who not being sufficiently pleased with his beauty, thought the cutting off his Ears would be an abundant addition to that article; a barbarous instance of her love for him, but in consequence of her resolution Tom lost his Ears, for having done no crime to deserve amputation, when thousands walk the Streets with their ears on, who have a thousand times deserved to lose them. His mistress, whose name was Mrs. Clotilda-Skin-Flint, began to take another more cruel thought into her head, and that was to deprive him of his manhood, by equipping him for the Opera, and was advised to put this dreadful scheme into execution by a female neighbour of hers, called _Rugana_, but as this was as troublesome as it was expensive, she permitted him to keep his pebbles, as marks of that virility, which he afterwards testified to several young Cats of his acquaintance.—Whether Tom ever came to the knowledge of this sanguinary intent of his Mistress, we never could learn, if he did, he must no doubt be sensibly affected with delight to find, that by its being laid aside, he found himself in possession of that treasure which entitled him to the honourable appellation of _Ram-Cat_. His mistress, after having bred him up to feed himself, and to provide for his own sustenance, left him to shift for the necessaries of life, by all those means, which most of his kind make use of to get a livelyhood, namely by _Mouseing_, and having before he was half a year old, rid not only her house, but that neighbourhood of the rats and mice which infested them, he bore the credit of being an excellent mowser, for he got no other reward, and was forced for sometime to live upon that empty saying, _Virtue is its own Reward_, verifying that fine anecdote of _Juvenal_, _Ladatum Virtus et alget_, which for the sake of our English Reader, we will suppose to signify, that _a good or a wise man may starve in the midst of Fleet-Market, for any thing he is likely to get from either fools or knaves_. Mrs. Clotilda-Skin-Flint, was one of those admirable ladies, who go in quest of obsolete robes, and had raised a tolerable sum by levying contributions on the necessitous, who where glad to part with their vestments for the tenth part of their intrinsic value: she had, to make her own employment more lucrative, wedded an old taylor, whom she married purely on the account of his dexterity and skill in, or repairing the breaches of old clothes, and making them pass for new: by this profitable business she was enabled to keep a very sightly shop in the purlieus of Monmouth-Street, and was by her lending out small sums of money to the butchers, who dealt with her at an extravagant usury, in possession of five hundred pounds in money and stock.

Tom did not approve of his Mistress’s niggarly temper, and though he made several attempts upon her larder, he seldom availed himself of the expedition, being glad to get off with whole bones, he being a rival in these purloinings with the old taylor, his master, who was as narrowly watched as himself in these kind of invasions, and whom his wife had starved, cudgel’d, and cuckolded into the bargain. However, one day, Tom laid a plot, and being determined to assuage the cries of hunger, he resolutely attacked two pound of beef-stakes, which were contrary to former caution left to his mercy, as the mistress had indulged herself too plentifully with the ratifai of St. _Giles_’s, commonly called _Gin_. The maid had been absent by accident, at the time of this depredation, Tom prudently withdrew, when he had eat up his delicious cates, and left the blame to fall upon either the maid, or the old taylor, the former of which fasted that day for her negligence, and was discharged without payment of her wages, while old snip had like to have been destroyed by the weight of the goose, with which his tender rib did belabour him to his no small mortification, and of which he lay ill for three days to his wife’s utter discontent, as she was forced to hire a journeyman to finish some work he had begun.

CHAP. VI.

_The Maid Servant takes out a warrant against Tom: He is
arrested, and put into a Jail, where he is forced to pay garnish._

The maid servant being thus deprived of her wages by her rapacious mistress, and knowing that ridicule would be the best method to expose her, went to a bailiff, a relation of her own, and told him the case, adding, that she thought the nearest way to obtain an effectual remedy both for her wages and her private satisfaction, was to expose her mistress by some stroke of ridicule, which would be matter of laughter to all the neighbours, who hated her for her avarice and rapine, and that a comical revenge had struck into her head on a sudden, which she determined that very day, with his assistance to put into execution, he promised not only to give her the best assistance in his power, but also to be himself the instrument of her immediate revenge, whereupon she asked him if he would take upon him to arrest the Cat, who by eating the beef stakes, had been the occasion of her being deprived of her place, together with her wages; she owned that she had no particular pique of resentment against the Cat, who had been for many weeks a fellow sufferer with herself in the article of starving, and she protested that she would have done the same had she been a Cat, but as she was a Woman, and not used to eat raw beef, she therefore had never thought of stealing them; that it often happened, she used to steal a slice of bread and cheese for her poor old master, whom her barbarous mistress had also locked up the victuals from, and that she had run the risque to serve him, though his wife had privately marked the bread and cheese. Certainly said the bailiff, your cause is just, and you have sufficient reason to complain. There is no law why a Cat may or may not be taken for theft; horses are subject to be impounded, and so are cows, sheep and pigs liable to imprisonment for misdemeanors of this nature; therefore as no law exists why your fellow servant should not be arrested, I will take it upon my self to make out his _Mittimus_, and if his mistress thinks fit to remove him by _habeas Corpus_, she may, but it shall cost her something, besides the procuring you your wages; I don’t regard, says the girl, my wages so much as my private revenge to have her exposed to her neighbours. That, answered the bailiff, shall be done, for I will have a whole posse of constables with me, and we will beset the house, and take her favourite before the whole street. They parted, she to observe the execution of her comical revenge, and he to raise the posse.

It was about the meridian hour, when the Sun is vertical over the heads of mortals, in plain English, it was about twelve o’clock high noon, when the bailiff appeared with his frightful posse of scare-crows, and beset the shop, to the utter dismay and consternation of the inhabitants of the wardrobe in _Monmouth-street_. Mrs. _Clotilda Skinflint_, and her Cornutus, had just sat down to a pig’s foot and vinegar, (which was the portion allotted for her spouse’s dinner,) two roasted pigeons, with toast and butter, being laid before herself, with a pint of that beer commonly called porter, while a pint of _Adam_’s ale, was very likely thought good enough to allay the thirst of her journeyman spouse and yoke-fellow.

_Tom_ never dreamed of any prosecution in law being carried on against him, and therefore was purring an inoffensive song, in expectation of the skeleton of the pigeons, a leg of which he was cranching with sensible delight, when he was interrupted by the entrance of one of the bailiffs, who was followed by several others, who secured the person of _Tom_, and another shewed the warrant, that they might not be accused of doing any thing illegal, or contrary to form, and while some of them remained to explain the nature and legality of this seizure, he who made the caption, carried him to the first prison which came in his way, and delivered him into _Salva Custoda_, under the name of _Tom Filch_, at the same time giving the goaler and the other prisoners, a facetious and short narrative of the whole affair, and the history of the parties concerned. When the prisoners discovered, that it was all a piece of waggery, they entered hastily into the joke, and hearing that _Tom_ the prisoner was the favourite particular of a substantial house-keeper, who would in all probability release him by paying his fees; they boldly and with one voice demanded garnish of _Tom_, who not being used to such questions from strangers, did not think proper to answer them. Now, if they had according to the custom of garnish, threatened to strip him, _What could they have of a Cat but his Skin?_ But as he made no answer to their previous question, they thought it more adviseable to lock him in a dark cell, and called for ale, which for the joke’s sake, was not denied them in so unprecedented a garnish, and they sat down to regale themselves, where we shall leave them in order to finish this chapter and begin another.

CHAP. VII.

_A curious conference between some of the most eminent personages
of the prison, during_ Tom’_s confinement. In which_ Tom
Traveller _relates part of his own life and adventures_.

It has been a usual, and a wise method too let me tell you, with all Biographers to relax the reader’s mind with somewhat episodical in imitation of _Homer_ and _Virgil_ in their Epics, who introduce several respectable persons into the drama, beside _Achilles_, and _Æneas_, so have we thought that we should oblige our readers, who would in return be obliged to us for not cramming them with the single adventures of _Tom_ the _Cat_ only, since we have this fair opportunity of opening a fine prison-scene to his view, and entertaining him with the most curious adventures, and interesting incidents of _Tom the Traveller_, extracted from no book, or books in the world, as his surprizing memoirs are no where to be found but in this true history, and if any of our readers should be so incredulous as to doubt the veracity of these anecdotes, we shall be bold to remind him of the more incredible travels and voyages, which are not half so well authenticated, though passed upon the world every day, as real and genuine.

While the prisoners were regaling themselves over what liquor _Tom_ the _Cat_’s adventure unexpectedly afforded them, _Hugh_, known by the name of _Hugh of the Borough_, reminded one of his fellow-prisoners of telling his story, which he was going to begin, when they were interrupted by the introduction of the new prisoner the _Cat_, for, as he told him, he and the rest had just finished their narratives, and it only remained, for him to go on with his; in compliance therefore of this reasonable demand: _Tom Traveller_, so he was called, commenced his history in the following procedure.

_The_ LIFE _of_ TOM TRAVELLER.

As I was begot, conceived and born in a most extraordinary manner, so it will appear in the course of my life, that my adventures, even in abstract, as I shall relate them, have been equally amazing. My mother was treacherously deluded by an opiate infused into a glass of wine, when she had the good or ill-fortune (I know not which) of being debauched in her sleep by her master, the husband of a woman of quality with whom she lived; I was the result of this piece of treachery; nor did my mother give the least intimations of her discovering this foul practice, though she on awaking, could not but perceive the alteration from that of a maid, to that of a woman. When she had got rid of me in the most private manner, (for she left her lady, when the signs of pregnancy appeared) she took me wrapt up in a basket, and going to a publick house in _Piccadilly_, she called for a gill of wine, drank it, and leaving a guinea to be changed, she went out and was seen no more, but she left me in her stead, thinking me and the guinea, a tolerable bargain for a gill of wine, nor had I remained there long, before I made my host of the tavern, sensible, that he had got a new guest; as I was a fine boy, and he had no child, he put me out to nurse, resolving to adopt me as his own, since I was a _comeby_-chance, and since he thought it cruel not to give the same reception to a human creature, as is given commonly to a Cat or a Dog, and tho’ I did not come of my own accord, like a Cat, or a Dog, yet was I brought, and could not be supposed to intrude myself, as those creatures do, when they have lost their masters, so he thought me more worthy of a welcome, than either of the above animals. When I was five years old, I was brought home by the nurse, and as they saw I was a promising child of my age, being as lusty and tall, as the waiter, who was twelve, but born a dwarf, I was soon fit to be called to the bar, I improved myself in observations on men, and manners, which I made my study, till about eighteen, I became one of the knowing ones, when I left my supposed father, to join a set of gamblers, where I learnt every thing to qualify me for Bath, the races, or even Ar——r’s. I resolved to leave this life, took the high-road, and bought a fine horse at Newmarket with what money I had won there by betting and cheating, having at one bett won a hundred guineas of the D—— of ——, as I was let into the secret by the riding jocky, who went halves with me for his information. Having equipt myself with every thing necessary for _collecting_, or raising contributions on the road, I met with none who dared oppose me; I robbed three captains of ships, one admiral, two lieutenants of marines, beside what I robbed in common; when I found that all men were naturally cowards, and consequently to be robbed, without resistance, I grew more bold; but what gave me courage but their cowardice, for had they, as they said, strenuously opposed, ’tis ten to one, as I opposed numbers, I should have grown timid, and submitted; but I found it otherwise, and from the discovery, met with success; I then ventured upon the continental gentlemen; but them I found worse in the article of courage, than the maritime; a lieutenant crossed me, and I thought verily, he had the same intent on me, that I had on him; I put my hand to the holsters, and stood bravely for him, but he with as much intrepidity delivered me his purse, before I had actually demanded it: Actuated by this hero’s valour, I persuaded myself that all men were cowards, and, I consequently determined to _frighten_ them all, since I found, they were to be _frightened_. Here the narrative was interrupted by a loud report of six or seven female Voices, that Mrs. _Clotilda Skinflint_, together with her _Bravo_, the old husband had entered the goal, to demand the body of Tom, to be re-delivered to them, upon which re-delivery, she was willing to pay all costs and damages, which by this time amounted to no less than three shillings, exclusive of garnish. And so ends this chapter, when the affairs of _Tom the Cat_, shall seem more desirable by the reader, than those of _Tom the Traveller_.

CHAP. VIII.

_The reception Mrs._ Clotilda Skinflint _met with in the prison,
together with that of her adventurous loving spouse_.

The turnkey no sooner had admitted Mrs. _Clotilda_, and her paramour, than the knowing ones resolved themselves into a committee of the whole house, how to consider ways and means to make Mrs. _Clotilda_ pay through the nose for introducing such an affair to their august tribunal; the _Diet_ had not sat full two minutes, before they all _nem. con._ entered into one unanimous resolution to bring the taylor her lawful and wedded husband into a præmunire; they therefore set up a kind of a Star-Chamber, which they erected, by their own will and power, as _Charles_ did _formerly_ and as _Lewis_ pretends to do _now_, with this Motto, _Sic volo sic jubeo_. In English, _I’ll do as I please_; so laying aside all _privileges_ of the subject, and assuming to themselves, the _royal prerogative_, which they swore should not be infringed; they demanded that the bodies of _Clotilda Skinflint_ late of _Monmouth-Street_, together with that of her lawful sovereign, _Peter Skinflint_, of the Parish of St. _Bride_’s, taylor, should be brought before them, in order to enter into the merits or demerits of the prisoner _Tom_, committed into that prison, by the name of _Tom Filch_, and moreover to demand the committal in writing; which being accordingly done, by the especial messengers, the delinquents were regularly brought to the bar of this solemn inquisition.

We shall disappoint the reader’s curiosity, if he expects a summary detail of this process, because it was carried regularly through the forms of cital, and recital, demur, and every other circumstantial querk of judicatory; only observing, that when Mrs. _Clotilda_, and her party, seeing the _Servant Maid_, with _Tom_ in her arms, did not chuse to traverse the _Indictment_ but submitted to the sentence of the court, which was, that she, the said, _Clotilda_ as she _wore the breeches_, should immediately pay all the fees of _Tom_, besides, his expences for _false imprisonment_, pay the servant maid her due wages, and never more trouble the court, to which she submitted, and paid no less than the sum of seventeen shillings, and four-pence, to the clerk of the court, exclusive of the girl’s wages, in all amounting to one pound thirteen shillings. But unhappily for Mrs. _Clotilda_, the affair did not end here. _Tom the Cat_, had got little or no victuals, since the moment of his false imprisonment, and besides, it was urged by the girl, that the beef-stakes, which he had eaten, were long since digested; therefore it was _unâ voce_ resolved, that they should not be discharged till _Tom_ had also been recompensed with a good meal, in consideration of his long and false imprisonment. Mrs. _Clotilda_ therefore offered one shilling more, to be laid out, as they, the court should determine, which was accordingly, like all other subsidies of charitable uses, appointed for _Tom_’s use, and bread, and cheese was to be his supper, of which he only shared the parings. The lady of the wardrobe having paid down her one pound fourteen shillings, thought that she had paid sufficiently for the releasement of her favourite _Tom_, who in the main had not got one half-penny worth of eating in the bargain, and as historians say, could never account from that time to this, for all this unnecessary expence, and as fruitless confinement; I say, madam _Skinflint_ imagined that the business would end here; but the court thought otherwise, and therefore as the parings of cheese were by that wise _Diet_, thought to be a _diet_, which might very probably occasion _thirst_, they also adjudged that _Tom_ should have something to wash down his victuals, and the verdict in his favour, was that she should pay one shilling, over and above all costs and damages for that balsamic liquor, vulgarly called _Gin_: Which Mrs. _Clotilda_, being addicted to, did not so much regret the payment of, and it was, without hesitation brought in; but we never were informed that _Tom_ shared a drop of it, as it is averred, and that strongly, that a little water was more consentaneous to his choice, of which, when he had drank, like any other good fellow, not considering his present misfortunes, the good-nature of his friends, or the malice of his enemies, he leaped on the table, washed his face, and began a very solemn purr, which pleased the whole company, and forced even the humane Mrs. _Clotilda_ to break out—_Poor_ Tom _have I got you again? Gentlemen did you ever see so fine a creature?_ Thus ended the imprisonment, and release of _Tom_, with which we shall beg leave to end this chapter, as Mrs. _Clotilda_ her husband, and the maid-servant were also included in the discharge, all departing the prison-scene, and going to their respective pillows.

CHAP. IX.

_The surprizing Adventures of Tom Traveller are continued in this
Chapter._

The happiest dexterity and the greatest activeness in an author, is to give his reader a specimen of his talents, to introduce a pleasing narrative, and when he has worked up his curiosity to the highest pitch, to leave him in the middle of a most interesting event. This was the peculiar cunning of those famous stories, which go by the name of the Arabian night’s entertainments, which are for that reason divided into a century of nights, each being employed in some very engaging tale. A late celebrated Biographer has followed this ingenious method, and now and then diverts the reader with a curious history, I mean the author of Tom Jones, and Joseph Andrews, in which several other adventures beside that of the hero, are artfully interwoven, which at once displays a delightful variety, feasts the mental appetite with a pleasing desert, which otherwise might be apt to cloy by feeding on one dish, though ever so delicate; for this reason that celebrated writer, entitles the heads of his chapters a bill of fare, which points out to them the ensuing entertainment. We shall not therefore disappoint our reader, but shall, to answer the expectation, which we are sensible we have raised, proceed with the history of _Tom Traveller_, forbidding all compilers whatsoever, to insert, or abstract this unparallel’d history in their future collections of voyages, travels, &c.

_Tom the Cat_, was no sooner gone home with his benevolent Mistress, than _Tom Traveller_, at the importunity of _Hugh_ of the _Borough_, continued his narrative.

My courage encreased, as I said, with my success, and having obliged those terraqueous militants to stand and deliver, I found my purse grow heavy, and believing I had made a competent fortune, I resolved, as _Gibbet_ says in the play, to buy myself a place in the houshold, and live as snug as ’ere a courtier of them all; with this view I was returning to _London_, from _Finchley Common_, which had been my last stage, when a gentleman rode up in a full gallop saying he was pursued by a highwayman, and desired me to accompany him in order to get out of the road. In the confusion I was in, at his mentioning being pursued, I began to fear for myself, and looking back saw two men, riding very fast after us, yet not so fast as to appear in pursuit, however I took the gentleman’s advice, and rode with him full speed, following the course he made which he directed to the right hand, from the high road across the country, when all of a sudden he snatched my reins, and desired me to deliver, or he would blow my brains to the Devil; I had neither time nor presence of mind, to refuse his unreasonable request, and he robbed me of all I had in the world, except twenty pounds I had left with a favourite girl, whom I then kept, after this he rode off, taking my pistols with him, leaving me to reflect on so unexpected an adventure; but I had no opportunity to consider much about it. I had no cash left, and I found myself in possession of no property on the face of the earth, but my horse and clothes, the former of which I was now resolved to sell, and never more venture my life to scrape up riches for other people to enjoy; I saw the hazard, the danger, and the folly in it, and with this determination I pursued my way to _London_, saying with Juvenal, _Cantabit Vacuus Viator_; where I arrived, and having sold my horse, walked to my lodgings, where to my amazement I found the bird flown, and nothing but the nest, and a few scattered feathers left behind. Thus in one day was I deprived of what I had been amassing for several months, to the value of three hundred pounds sterling, one hundred of which I laid out on my mistress in cloaths and equipage. I had cultivated a good acquaintance with several young Gentlemen (strangers to my new way of life) at _Art——rs_, and telling them I had a mind to see the world, made it my request to them to serve me.

CHAP. X.

_Tom Traveller continues his relation._

Having made my desire known to a very worthy young gentleman, he recommended me to a man of fortune who was going to travel; I was very well satisfied to accompany him as his gentleman, for which he allowed me one hundred a year, but oh unspeakable! the very remembrance shocks my imagination, when my worthy friend introduced me, the young gentleman eyeing me closer, and seizing me by the shoulder, swore he knew me, for that I had three weeks before robbed him, of his watch and fifty guineas. My friend was struck with amazement, and I with horror. I was speechless, my paleness confessed my guilt, which when I recovered myself, I imputed to the sudden surprize of my being accused of a crime which never had entered into my thoughts. Enraged at the denial, he said I was an infamous lying villain, and struck me, which made my nose spout out with blood. My friend told him calmly, he might be mistaken in faces, but he insisted on his perfect knowledge of my person, and said he could safely swear to my identity; while I was stopping the blood, which flowed in streams about the room, he explained the particulars of this robbery to my friend; urging that I was not satisfied with his money but would have his watch, which more incensed him than the loss of the money. Sir, said he, I am sorry to find that you could have any connections with such a fellow, but more so to recommend a robber to be my servant. _When he had won my money_, said he,—at these words it is inexpressible to describe the tide of rapture, that flowed upon my affrighted, my terrified soul; such is a reprieve to a condemned wretch in sight of the place of execution. He proceeded,—when he had won my money, he baited me with all the tricks and insinuations of a common gambler, and seeing my watch said, if I would stake that he would venture twice the money it was worth; so unequal a hazard took me in, and I thought I possibly might win all again; he won it and left me abruptly, when he went out, another person came in, of my acquaintance, who seeing me in some confusion asked me the reason, which I instantly told him; nay said my acquaintance, if you keep company with known gamblers, how can you expect better? I replyed, I did not know him to be such, or should have avoided him. This, Sir, is the case, I never saw this fellow since, and now I have secured him by this accident, I’ll send him to Newgate to be made an example of, my friend remonstrated in my favour, that he had known me for a long time, and never knew me to bear any such character, that what the person who came in said might be out of pique, that he did not pretend to be my advocate in a cause, wherein I might possibly be innocent; but that his stirring in such an affair might hurt reputation on both sides. I then spoke for myself, assuring him I had ever played on the square, and that my playing three times the worth against a bauble of a watch was an evident proof of it, since I might lose even with pack’d cards, that I very well knew the gentleman who came in, who owed me a grudge for the same reason, my winning his money; that though losers have a right to speak, they have no right to defame, that it was a common thing for those who lose by gaming to think with prejudice to the winner; that a gambler was not my known character; that it was dangerous to attack a man’s reputation without good proof, and that his proof would never stand good before an equitable magistrate, for that it was impossible for that person, or any other to prove that I had pack’d the cards, that time or any other; that a blow from a strange man, nay from any man, was an unaccountable outrage, and that though I was reduced by a train of misfortunes, to such a pitch as to apply for service, yet that I was far from deserving such ill usage, in the attack on my person, on the one hand, and on my reputation on the other. He heard all this with patience and only replyed, damn him, let him begone, I shall get nothing by suing a beggar; I was glad to take his advice, so taking my leave of my own friend I left the place, and you may be assured, fellow-prisoners, with abundance of alacrity,—for I thought of one thing and he of another,—I thought of the gallows, which I knew I deserved, though not from him, and he only thought of a bite. This affair made me more cautious of getting myself recommended to any man, but what could I do without money, all I had to do was to apply to my reputed father, which I did on the instant, not without apprehension of being known by some of his customers, who frequented the house, I went at night, and was received like the prodigal son, with this difference, that I neither wanted the best robe, a ring on my finger, or the fatted calf,—my exigence was of quite another nature; I wanted the _universal pass_, and I did not well know how to ask it; however I told him of my resolution to travel, if I had his permission, which if I gained, I knew the needful would not be wanting. I was happy enough to prevail, he complied, and after a fond parting and a great deal of good advice he gave me twenty guineas, little knowing that I had been used to larger sums. He then went with me himself to his wine merchant, who dealt largely at the Mediterranean, for which place a ship lay ready. I thought I should never get safe out of the kingdom, but setting sail we soon arrived at Leghorn. I had letters of credit, for small sums to be given me by gales as I called for them, and taking a lodging at a Cabaretto, and some refreshment, I went to bed, where I slept serenely, as I slept secure from all the terrors which had long banished the sweet and healing deity from my eyes.

CHAP. XI.

_Conclusion of the life of_ Tom Traveller.

After a sweet and most profound repose, such as I have not experienced from the time I had left my father’s house first, I awoke, and knowing that nature after a great sea sickness, for I was sick the whole voyage, found an inclination to an egg or two, so went down and ordered the landlord to get me some for breakfast, who told me that he had none but turkey eggs, and those he was sure I would not eat; I asked him why? for I should like them to choose, if they were new-laid; he said they were laid that morning, but that it was monstrous to eat them in Leghorn, as they were devoted to another use.—What to be set, and hatched said I—ay to be sure, he replied, staring at me, as if I was a fool or a madman, why, continued he, they are devoted to our clergy: Sir, an English sailor like you, once called for eggs, and I had none but turkeyeggs, as is the present case, but he would have them, yes, da—n his eyes, and he had them, but Sir, as he was breaking the shell, out popt a little young cardinal, with a red hat, who thus accosted him.—Why you English son of a bitch, how dare you break my house over my head, though my mother was but an oyster, I’d have you to know that my father was a cardinal; he swore heartily to the truth of it, and finding him a facetious lyar, laughed as heartily as he swore, but nevertheless eat three of the cardinal’s mothers with a great deal of satisfaction; I then took a walk to see the city, in high-dress, and as I was walking through one of the streets, saw a great crowd of people going into a tavern, whom I also accompanied. The landlord seemed to be a man about fifty years of age, of a florid healthy countenance, plump and sleek; who thus accosted, Gentlemen, I am perhaps the greatest curiosity in Europe, how old do you take me to be? all agreed not above fifty, I shall, gentlemen, on the 19th of next month, be in the hundred and fifteenth year of my age, and never drank any thing but water in my life, nor ever knew any woman but my wife, never was bled, never took physic, never knew one sick minute, I thank Providence; now gentlemen follow me, and I’ll shew you a greater prodigy than myself. We followed, and the first thing that presented itself to our sight, was a cradle, in which lay an old man, who seemed to have lived in the days of good queen Bess, so wrinkled, so emaciated was his face; his beard extended to his navel, his eyes sunk in his head, and I could compare the skin to nothing but shrivell’d parchment, well, said the landlord, in that cradle lies my youngest son, he is not 72 till the 14th of March, hardships in war, and travel by sea and land, together with a most dissolute life spent with women, and in drunkenness, have brought him to this untimely old age; he has been a fool these twenty years, which saved his life to this time, because it disabled him from pursuing his former courses, a sad example of immorality and lewdness, as I am a standing monument of the contrary. Thus gentlemen, you have seen two of the greatest curiosities in Leghorn, if not in Europe, for a dollar a piece, and you are all extraordinary welcome.—When the company went away, I asked my landlord if he could provide me an interpreter to shew me the other curiosities of that famous city; which request he soon complied with, and I went with him; I told him my desire of seeing some of the courtezans, and he took me to a public stew; the custom and manner of which being extremely curious, I shall describe to you in as concise a manner as I can. My guide and interpreter knocked at the gate of one of the highest in repute. A porter appeared, to whom he gave two pence in our money. He rung a bell, and this produced an appearance of a priest, who in Italian, which my guide interpreted, remonstrated against our entrance, but this was only form, inveighing solemnly against the heinousness of our intentional sin; the guide paid him his fee for his kind admonition, which was six pence, he also rung a bell, and the doctor appeared, who brought us into his room, and examined us as to our health, but would take nothing but occular proof by convincing his own eyes. When this scrutiny was over, he received the same fee with the parson; in his turn he called the madona, or mother-abbess by ringing a bell, who on the instant appeared, and introduced, into what I may call the painted gallery, which presented us with the pictures of the most celebrated courtezans in Italy, particularly those of Leghorn, both of those who were dead, and of those who were living.—I asked by my interpreter, if the famous beauty Domitella was living, and was answered in the affirmative, and at present in Naples, in keeping by cardinal _Putezzi_, the Queen’s confessor, and archbishop of _Naples_. I asked next for the pictures of those women who resided in this particular _Licentiadi_, and was led into two rooms, the one the sick-room, the other that of health, wherein the pictures were disposed, and changed from room to room, as they fell down, or recovered. She desired me to take my choice, and pointing with my stick to one of the most beautiful in my fancy, was told, she was that night to dance with a young jesuit in disguise, for she is marked with white lead, you see two or three more are taken out already, and who therefore are at the baths preparing to receive their respective lovers.—I asked how many beauties there might possibly be, and was told, that she had then in the college, seventy-four in health, and about ninety ill: I was determined now I was in, to go through with the ceremonies of this temple of Venus, and having singled out another, a bell rung which brought the original to my sight; she happened to be a beautiful little woman, of uncommon vivacity, we dined together, and in the evening, she left me to go to the baths, while my guide and I took a walk mong the parterres and gardens of this common seraglio; we could observe many females of exquisite beauty peeping through the lattices, and some of them wantonly nodded at us, and many were in their smocks. At four the great bell rung to invite us to prayers; I thought this the most daring and flagrant piece of hypocrisy I had ever met with.—I went to prayers, and did as I saw others do; there were a great many elegant women of remarkable beauty, and a great number of men, as well Italians as foreigners; but the young courtezans were disposed in a seperate place from us. After prayers, another bell rung which invited all to the coffee-room, and here was little or no distinction, some drinking by themselves, some in couples, and some in droves, some drank negus, tea, coffee, capillaire, just as they thought proper, there being here, neither distinction, nor respect of persons, but all were well dressed except some English captains, and lieutenants of the navy, who dressed in their own manner, _a la mode de vaisseau_.