Chapter II: Part 2

Represent to yourself at the door of this chapel a child who had been accustomed to every indulgence and maintained in plenty. Consider that I knew not where to go, nor what to decide on. There was no inn near to the place, though my appetite informed me that it was quite supper-time. There was certainly plenty of clear water running within a few paces of me, but this was a cheerless prospect. I began now to find the difference between an hungry man and one who has his bellyful; between a man who is accustomed to a table covered with good victuals, and one who has not a morsel of bread to eat. Not knowing what to do with myself, nor at what door to venture to rap, I made up my mind to pass the night where I was. I laid myself down, therefore, at full length, covering my face with my cloak as well as I was able, not without fear of being devoured by wolves, which I sometimes fancied I heard not far from me. Sleep, however, at last suspended my uneasiness, and took so fast possession of my senses, that the sun had been up two hours before I awoke, and which perhaps I had not done then, but for the noise of tambours, made by a number of country wenches who passed me singing and dancing along the road, on their way to some festival. I rose quickly, and perceiving several ways equally unknown to me, I chose the pleasantest, saying; “may this road, which I take by chance, conduct me in a straight line to the temple of fortune.” I was like that ignorant quack of la Mancha, who generally carried about with him a bag full of prescriptions, and when he visited any sick person, put his hand in at random, giving the first that came uppermost, saying, _God grant it may do thee good_. My feet performed the office of my head, and I followed them without knowing whither they led me.

I walked two leagues that morning, which was not a short distance for a lad to do, who had never travelled so far in his life before. I believed myself already arrived at the Antipodes, and that I had discovered another world, like the famous Christopher Columbus. This new world, however, was nothing but a miserable tavern, which I entered all in a perspiration, covered with dust, and dying with fatigue and hunger. I asked for dinner, and was informed that there was nothing but fresh eggs in the house. “Fresh eggs,” cried I; “well, I must be content; make haste then, and prepare me an omelet of about half a dozen.” The hostess, who was a frightful old woman, began to examine me with attention, and seeing that I was a raw, herring-gutted looking lad, and very hungry, she thought she might safely venture to pass upon me for fresh, some eggs which were about half hatched. With this opinion she came up to me, and laughing in my face with as pleasant an air as she could affect, she asked me whence I came? I told her from Seville, and entreated her afresh to let me have the eggs; but before she did what I desired, she thrust her nasty hand under my chin, saying, “And where is my little wag of Seville going?” At the same time she wished to kiss me; but I turned quickly round to avoid this felicity. I was not, however, so quick as entirely to escape her stinking breath, the fumes of which made me fear it would have communicated her age and distempers to me; fortunately, I had nothing but wind on my stomach, or I should certainly have vomited over her, as the only return I could make her for such a compliment.

I told her I was going to Court, and entreated her again to let me have something to eat. She then made me sit down on a broken stool, before a stone table, on which she laid a napkin, which looked as if it had but newly cleaned the oven. On this she placed, for a saltcellar, the bottom of a broken earthen pot, and some water in a vessel of the same ware, out of which her fowls generally drank, together with a coarse piece of cake, as black as the before-mentioned table cloth. After making me wait about a quarter of an hour longer, she served up, on a filthy platter, an omelet, or what might more properly have been termed an egg poultice. The omelet, plate, bread, drinking-pot, saltcellar, salt, napkin, and hostess, appeared to be precisely of the same colour. My stomach ought to have revolted against such disgusting appearances; but, independent of my being a young traveller, I had fasted so long, that my bowels reproached me most violently with their unkind usage; so that notwithstanding the uncleanly arrangements on the table, and the bad seasoning of the eggs, I attacked the omelet as hogs do acorns. I felt, indeed, something grate between my teeth, which ought to have made me suspect that all was not right, but I took no notice of it; but when I had got to the few last mouthfuls, I could not help thinking that this omelet had not exactly the same taste as those I had eaten at my mother’s house; but this I good-naturedly attributed to the difference of the country, imagining that eggs were not in all places equally good, as if I had been five hundred leagues from home. After I had demolished this excellent dish, I felt myself so much better than I was before, that I was more than usually happy in having got so good a meal; so true is it, that _hunger is the best sauce_.

I did not so soon get through the bread, it being so bad that I was obliged to eat slowly, or I should certainly have choaked myself with it. I began with the crust and ended with the crumb, which indeed, was so little baked that it was little better than dough; notwithstanding which, however, I played my part very creditably, but not without the assistance of the wine, which was delicious. I rose from table as soon as I had finished my dinner, paid my hostess, and set forward on my journey again in good spirits. My feet, which before were scarce able to bear me, seemed now to have completely regained their former activity.

I had already got about a league from the inn, when what I had eaten beginning to digest, seemed to create such a combustion in my belly, accompanied by such a rising in my stomach, that I began to suspect something. I had not forgotten the resistance that my teeth had met with in getting through the eggs, and after reflecting what it could be for some time, I doubted no longer, that my omelet had been amphibious, and must have had something in it that should not have been there. So that not being able to carry such a burden about with me any longer, I was obliged to stop to relieve myself.

CHAP. VI.

_Guzman meets with a Muleteer and two Friars; of their conversation; and in what manner the Muleteer and he were regaled at an Inn at Cantillana._

I remained for some time leaning against the wall of a vineyard, very pale and much weakened by the retchings that I was making. A muleteer passed by with some unladen mules; he stopped to look at me, and seeing me in such a condition, asked what ailed me: I told him what had happened to me, but no sooner had I said that I imputed my illness to the omelet that I had eaten at the inn, than he began to laugh so violently, that if he had not held himself fast on his mule with both hands, he must infallibly have fallen to the ground.

When one is afflicted, it is by no means agreeable to be laughed at. My face, which just before was as pale as death, became as red as fire in an instant, and I looked with so ill an eye upon this rascal, as sufficiently gave him to understand that I was far from being pleased at his behaviour; but this only made him laugh the more; so that perceiving that the more I vexed myself, the more he laughed, I allowed him to go on until he was completely exhausted: besides, I had neither sword nor stick, and at fisticuffs I should have fared but badly; I was, therefore, prudent enough to speak him fair. A wise man, however much he may be offended, never sets up for a bravo when the party is too strong against him; besides, I did not think fit to disoblige my man, for the sake of his mules. I could not, however, entirely refrain from mentioning it to him. “Well, my friend,” said I, “and why all this violent mirth? does my nose stand awry?” But the only answer I could obtain to these questions, was a renewal of his immoderate laughter.

It pleased God, however, that he at length gave over; and recovering himself by degrees, he said to me, gasping for breath all the while, “It is not at your adventure, my little gentleman, that I laugh, for it is certainly very unfortunate for you; but your relating it reminded me of another which has just happened to that same old hag that treated you so ill. Two soldiers whom she regaled in the same manner, have sufficiently revenged you all three. As we are going the same way,” added he, “jump up on one of my mules, and I will tell you the story as we ride along.” Without waiting to be twice asked, I mounted one of his beasts, and was ready to hear what he had to tell me respecting these two soldiers, whom I recollected to have met entering the inn just as I left it.

“These two wags,” said he, “asked the hostess what she had to give them. She told them in the same manner as she did you, that she had nothing but eggs; they bade her make ready an omelet, which the old woman soon brought them; but in cutting it their knives found resistance from something which they proceeded to examine with attention, and discovered three small lumps, much resembling the heads of unformed chickens, whose beaks were already so hard as plainly to shew what they were. The soldiers, after having made so rare a discovery, without taking any notice of it, covered the omelet with a plate, and asked the hostess if she had nothing else she could give them; she proposed to broil them two or three slices of shad-fish, which they accepted, and soon dispatched, with the assistance of white sauce; after which, one of these rogues, going up to the old woman, as if for the purpose of paying the reckoning, with the omelet concealed in his hand, clapped it full in her face, and so completely rubbed it all over her eyes and nose, that she bawled out for help most lustily; whereupon the other soldier, seeming to blame his comrade and pity the poor old woman, ran up to her under the pretence of consoling her, and stroked her over the face with his hands all bedaubed with soot. This done, they both left the house, still continuing to abuse your old acquaintance, who got no other payment for her entertainment. I assure you,” said the muleteer, “it was a high treat to see mine hostess in this delicate condition, with the agreeable distortions of countenance that she made, crying and laughing at the same moment.”

The recital of this ridiculous story somewhat consoled me for my own adventure, and inclined me to forgive the laughter of the muleteer, who did not fail to set to again as soon as he had ended his narration. All this while we were trotting onwards; we overtook two friars, who, having seen us from afar off, had waited till we came up, that they might have the benefit of the mules. They quickly agreed with the muleteer to carry them to Cazalla, whither he also was going; and, having mounted their mules, we continued our journey.

The muleteer was still too much taken up with the recollection of his pleasure at the inn, to give up speaking of it so soon. He could not resist telling us that there was sufficient in that adventure to serve him for laughter for the remainder of his days; “and I,” cried I, interrupting him abruptly, “shall have cause to repent all my life that I did not serve that poisonous old hag even worse than the soldiers did; but she is not yet dead,” added I, “and I may have my revenge still.” The friars, remarking with what eagerness I uttered these words, were curious to know what had been the occasion of it. The muleteer, who desired no better sport, that he might have another excuse for a good hearty laugh, related the story anew to these gentlemen: and in the course of it introduced my misfortune also, which was no small mortification to me.

The friars condemned exceedingly the conduct of the old hostess, and blamed my resentment no less. “My son,” said the elder of the two to me, “you are but young; hot blood carries you away, and deprives you of the use of your reason; know that you have sinned as much in having regretted that you have lost the opportunity of committing a crime, as if you had really committed one.” The holy man did not finish his remonstrance here, but held a long discourse upon anger, and the desire of revenge. It appeared to me so like a sermon, that I was persuaded he had preached it more than once, and that he was glad to have the opportunity of refreshing his memory by repeating it. Certain it is, that the most part of what he addressed to me was far above my comprehension, as well as that of our muleteer, who thinking of nothing but the old woman, was laughing in his sleeve, all the time that the preacher was throwing away his time upon us. At length we arrived at Cantillana, where the two friars took leave of us until the next morning, and went to take up their night’s lodging at a friend’s house.

For my part I did not leave the muleteer, who told me that he would undertake to carry me to one of the best inns in the town: where the host was an excellent cook, and where I need not be afraid of having hatched eggs passed upon me. This assurance pleased me exceedingly, for I required a good meal to set me to rights: and we proceeded to the door of a house of tolerable good appearance, the master of which received us with great civility. This was perhaps the completest knave in that part of the country; and I only got out of the fryingpan into the fire, as the saying is. The muleteer led his beasts to the stable, where he remained for some time to provide for their wants, and as I was much fatigued, the soles of my feet being much swollen, and my thighs feeling as if they were broken, from riding three or four hours without stirrups, I laid myself down and rested until the muleteer returned, who asked me whether I was not ready for my supper; for that he had resolved to set out next morning at break of day, that he might reach Cazalla before night, and should therefore be glad to get to bed early. I answered that there was nothing would give me greater satisfaction than to sit down to table, provided he would assist me to rise and even to walk, as I could scarcely support my own weight. He did me this service so readily that I felt much obliged to him.

We then called the landlord, and told him that we wished for a good supper. “Gentlemen,” answered he, “I have such excellent provisions in the house, that you will have yourselves only to blame if you do not fare well, for you have only to say what you would like.” This answer pleased me exceedingly, but I was afraid that he exaggerated, for I fancied that he had the looks of a rogue; no matter, said I to myself, let him be as much a rogue as he pleases, so he use us but well; he was a pleasant sort of fellow, and a man of some humour. “Will you allow me,” said he, “to dress you a part of the pluck of a calf that I killed yesterday? I will make you a ragout of it fit for the Gods; it was the prettiest little calf,” added he, taking me kindly by the hand, “that you perhaps ever saw. I was extremely mortified that I was obliged to kill it, but the drought of the season would not allow me to keep it.” We begged that if our supper was ready, he would let us have it quickly; “it is not only ready dressed,” said he, “but well seasoned also;” upon which he skipped into the kitchen, and returned in a few minutes with two plates, in one of which was a sallad, and in the other a part of the pluck of this much-lamented calf.

My companion seemed to fancy the sallad, for which I cared but little, but fell on the pluck, which looked tolerably good. All that I complained of was, that there was but very little of it for two such hungry fellows; for no sooner had I touched a bit, than I bolted it down, and I was so hungry that I had no time to judge of what I was eating. The muleteer, observing from the manner in which I set to, that I should soon empty the plate, quitted his sallad that he might at all events dispute the last mouthfuls with me, which were demolished in a moment. We called for another plate, but our provoking host brought us less than before to sharpen our appetites, so that we might still wish for more; this second plate, therefore, amused us but a very short time, and was followed by a third.

Being by this time, however, about half satisfied, I found myself obliged to slacken my pace; neither did I think it so good as before. I desired our host, therefore, to let me have any thing else that he might have in the house; he answered, that if we pleased, he would make an exquisite ragout of the calf’s brains in an instant; in the mean time he sent us up an andouille made of the tripe and caul of the same beast, which he told us we should find most delicious eating; but I could not entertain so favorable an opinion of it when I had tasted it, for it savoured so strongly of rotten straw that I was fain to leave it to my companion, who still went on at the same rate, and demolished the whole of the andouille in the twinkling of an eye.

At length the ragout of brains was served up, which I hoped would have revived my appetite; it was dressed with eggs, so that it was a kind of omelet, which the impudent muleteer had no sooner noticed, than he set up another of his hearty laughs; this offended me, for I thought that he wished to disgust me with this omelet, by putting me in mind of the one I had dined off. I gave him to understand as much, at which he only laughed the more, which produced a pleasant scene enough; for our host, who neither knew why he laughed, nor why I was so angry, listened to us attentively, thinking himself concerned in the affair. Not feeling his conscience quite at rest respecting either the brains, the andouille, or the other dish with which he had regaled us, he was under as much apprehension as a criminal who is afraid of every thing he hears; and his fears redoubled when he heard me threaten the muleteer, if he continued laughing at me, to throw the brains against the wall. Our host turned pale at these words, thinking that we meant to accuse him; but wishing to appear firm and resolute, he came up to us, cocking his bonnet with a most furious look, and said: “Before God, gentlemen, I will not submit to so much laughing; I do maintain, and ever will maintain it to be good calf’s brains. If you will not believe me, I can produce evidence to prove the fact, of more than a hundred persons who saw me kill the calf.”

My companion and I were not a little surprised at the passion of a man whom we had not so much as thought of. The muleteer redoubled his laughter; and I could not refrain from following his example on the occasion, though, from another cause, I felt no great inclination for it at that time. This put our host completely out of countenance, who, doubting no longer that we had detected his villany, became more furious, and, snatching the plate rudely from the table, “You may go laugh and eat elsewhere,” said he, “for I will no longer entertain people who make a jest of me to my face; you have only to pay me, therefore, and leave my house; after which, you have my permission to laugh as long as you please.”

My comrade, who was still hungry, and did not see the plate handed off without regret, finding it no joke, said to the host, in a voice not the most agreeable, “What ails you, friend? has any one been asking your age? has any one been calling you chucklehead?” “Chucklehead or not,” replied our host, “I affirm it is a most excellent calf’s head.” He pronounced these words as if he intended to thrash us both; but the muleteer, who knew him better than I, and who was a good match for him, rose from the table, and, taking upon himself the braggadocio in his turn, “S’death!” cried he, “is there any law that prescribes how much a man may laugh in this inn? or is there any tax laid upon laughing?” “I never said that there was,” replied the host, apparently somewhat more mild. “I only say that I will not be turned into ridicule in my own house, nor be made to pass for one who treats his guests ill.” “Who says any thing of ill treatment?” replied the muleteer; “who thinks of turning you into ridicule? Be quick, and replace the ragout of brains on the table, and you shall soon see that it was not that we laughed at. I cannot see, however, what objection you can have to allow persons to laugh or cry as much as they please in your house as well as elsewhere.”

The muleteer’s speech had its effect; the delicious ragout which had been thus torn from us was returned, and we were all very friendly again. My companion resumed his seat, and continuing to address himself to the host,--“be assured,” said he, “that had I been laughing at you, my character is such that I should not have concealed the cause from you:--we were not laughing at you; but the sort of omelet you have dressed us reminded me of an adventure my little comrade here had to day in an inn where he dined.” If the muleteer had been content to stop there, I should have got well off; but I was obliged to listen patiently, for the third time, to his relation of the history of the two soldiers, together with my adventure, which he recited to our host with such glee, that he seemed never to be in his element but when telling that story.

Our host had time enough to recover his temper before this long story was finished; and judging that he had been alarmed without cause, he thought proper to commence playing another character, and interrupted the muleteer every moment, while his story was telling, by--_Holy Virgin! Great God of Heaven!_ and other such exclamations, which made the house to ring again, and which were accompanied by the most hypocritical grimaces. “May God punish,” said he, when the muleteer had done speaking, “all who do not perform their duty!” As his duty was to thieve, and he could not be accused of neglecting it, he did not appear to consider himself at all concerned in this imprecation. After this he continued silent for some time, walking up and down the room; but suddenly breaking forth with a thundering voice, “How is it possible,” cried he, “that the earth hath not yet opened itself to swallow up that house, and the wretched woman that keeps it? I have never met with any traveller yet but complained both of her and her provisions: not a passenger goes out of her doors but curses her, and makes oath never to stop at her inn again. If the officers of justice, whose duty it is to put a stop to her practices, suffer her to go on without notice, they know very well what they are about. Good God! in what times do we live!”

Here this honest man sighed deeply and kept silent, to give us to understand that he thought more than he chose to say, and I was in hopes that he would not have annoyed us any longer in this manner; but I was much mistaken. He went on again more violently than before upon the old woman’s knavery, in an harangue which occupied a long half hour; after which, he finished by saying, “I return a thousand thanks to Heaven, that I bear no resemblance to that cursed old hag, and that I am a man of probity and honour, that I may hold up my head in any part of the world, without fearing the least reproach from any man. Poor as I am, nothing of that sort goes on in my house; every thing, thank God, is here sold for what it really is, and not a cat for a hare, nor a sheep for a lamb. Let no one give up his mind to cheating others, for he only cheats himself in the end. He who deals ill must expect ill treatment in return.”

Happily for the muleteer and myself, our host was obliged to stop here, from want of breath. I took advantage of this opportunity to ask if he had any fruit? He answered that he had got some very fine olives. During the time that he was gone to fetch them, my comrade made an end of the dish of calf’s brains, which I could not much relish, thinking it too much like the andouille; but this did not prevent its being entirely demolished. No hungry wolf ever fed more greedily than the muleteer, whose appetite seemed never to be appeased; we had been at least an hour at table, and his appetite seemed to continue as sharp as when we first sat down. For my part, I relished the olives extremely, which, as well as the wine, were excellent; as to the bread, though bad enough, it was much better than what I had met with at dinner.

Such was our supper; and as we intended to set out early the next morning, we desired our host to get our breakfast ready in time: we then laid ourselves down on some straw, after having spread thereon some of our mule furniture, to serve to cover us and keep us warm. The fatigue of our journey, and the quantity of wine I had drank, made me sleep so soundly, that though I was bit by the fleas that fed on me all night, they were not able to rouse me, and I verily believe I should have slept till the next evening, if the muleteer had not awaked me at break of day, giving me notice that it was time to think of our departure. I was soon ready, having only to shake off the bits of straw that were sticking about my hair; but the fleas had left me in such a condition that I looked like a young monster, having so disfigured my face that I might well have been taken for one who had just recovered from the small-pox; if I had been transported to the market-place of Seville, I doubt whether any of my friends would have recognized me.

It being Sunday, we began the day by going to mass; after which we returned to the inn, where my hungry companion had not forgotten to order breakfast; it was the first thing he thought of after he was up. “Gentlemen,” said our landlord, “I have stewed you a piece of the same veal that you supped off last night, and I have taken great pains to cook it to your satisfaction.” The muleteer, whose mouth watered at this speech, placed himself at table in a trice, and commenced an attack upon the ragout, which appeared to him as delicate as peacock’s flesh. For my part, either because I had no appetite so early in the morning, or that I had eaten too much supper the preceding night, I did nothing for some time but look at him, without feeling the least inclination to follow his example; but finding that he enjoyed it as if it were the finest dish in the world, and fearing that I might possibly have reason to repent at dinner of not having partaken of so good a breakfast, I made an effort to swallow a few mouthfuls; but instead of finding them so savoury as my companion seemed to fancy them, there was something in them extremely disagreeable to my palate; as for the seasoning, as our host had good reasons for being prodigal of his pepper and salt, it seized hold of the throat, so that I was obliged to give over as soon as I had tasted it; in addition to which, the flesh was so hard that I could not help remarking that I thought the meat as tough as leather; adding, that I did not consider that it had altogether the taste of veal. “Don’t you see,” said our host, who heard what I said, and who, in spite of his impudence, could not refrain from blushing a little, “don’t you see,” said he, “that it has not been kept long enough to be tender?” The muleteer, who believed what the landlord advanced, or at least thought that I was too delicate, answered, in a jeering tone of voice, “that is not the reason;--but our young gentleman of Seville has always been accustomed to be fed with new laid eggs and cracknels, so that he finds fault with every thing else.”

I contented myself by shrugging up my shoulders at this bantering of my comrade’s, and said not a word; not knowing whether I was not actually too dainty, or, what is more probable, beginning to feel so queer that I almost fancied myself in the other world. I could not make up my mind to touch this meat again, but was occupied with numerous thoughts far above my age. I recollected the passionate behaviour of our host at our laughter at supper the evening before; the unnecessary oaths that he made on the occasion; and as a man undoubtedly renders himself suspected who is anxious to justify himself before he is accused, I considered that there must be some knavery in the business. When my imagination was once thus prepossessed against him, the very sight and smell of his veal ragout quite turned my stomach; so that not being able to remain much longer, I rose from table, and waited patiently until the muleteer did the same, which was very shortly afterwards. Although the piece of veal was such as required a most determined assailant to get through it, my companion appeared to have made but a slight repast of it; after which I requested him to get the reckoning of our host, to ascertain what each had to pay; but he answered me in an obliging manner, that it was such a trifle that I was not to think of it, for that he would take care to see it settled.

This generous behaviour from a man of his rank in life surprised me extremely, or rather charmed me: had I been in different circumstances, I could not in honour have allowed this man to pay for me; but my purse was so low, that it did not either become or suit me to refuse his generosity. I allowed him, therefore, without ceremony, to discharge the reckoning, and, by way of return, I assisted him in every way in my power in getting his mules ready for our journey. I would have done almost any thing for him, so much was I affected by his noble behaviour towards me.

CHAP. VII.

_The Landlord steals Guzman’s cloak.--A great uproar at the Inn._

To enable myself the better to assist my friend the muleteer in getting his mules ready for our journey, I threw my cloak off, which I folded up, and placed on a bench; but, about a quarter of an hour afterwards, happening to look that way, I perceived that my cloak was no longer there. This alarmed me at first; but I did not vex myself extremely about it, thinking that either our host or the muleteer had concealed it from me for the purpose of amusing themselves by observing the anxiety it would occasion me.

I could not suspect any one else of having played me this trick, for no other person had entered the stable, whence my cloak had been taken. I enquired first of the muleteer, who told me that he never amused himself in that way. I then addressed myself to our host, who instantly had recourse to oaths to persuade me that he had no hand in the theft I complained of. Upon that I determined to search the house for it, and went over it from top to bottom, without forgetting the least corner in which it might be secreted, feeling firmly convinced in my own mind that our host was the one guilty of the theft, whose physiognomy alone sufficiently justified my presumption.

I came at last, by chance, to a back yard, the door of which I found some difficulty in opening, and the objects that I perceived there were sufficient to turn my mind for some minutes from thinking of my cloak. I observed upon the pavement a large pool of blood that had been but newly spilt, at the side of which lay the skin of a young mule, spread out, with the four feet still hanging to it, as well as the ears and head, which had been opened to take out the brains and the tongue. I beheld this sight not without horror, and said to myself, “there, there lie the remains of our excellent veal; it is but proper that my companion should witness this sight with his own eyes, being at least as much interested in it as myself.” I ran to the stables where he was, and whispered to him, that if he would accompany me I would shew him something that would be well worth his trouble. He followed me to the back court, where I pointed out to him the remains of the two fine repasts that we had made. “Well, my friend,” said I, “and what do you say to all this? Do you still think that I feed upon nothing but fresh eggs and cracknels? Contemplate with voluptuousness this delicate calf, of which our host made for us those ragouts which you found so savoury. You now see how that skilful cook of your’s has regaled us.”

The good muleteer was so ashamed that he had not a word to answer. “This is, then,” continued I, “the man of probity, who never sells cats for hares, sheep for lambs; but who, at the same time, makes no scruple of giving us a mule instead of a calf.” My companion, sad and pensive, returned to the stable, and I went to look for our host, to speak to him more stoutly, thinking that, to oblige him to restore my cloak, I had only to apprise him that I had discovered all his villany, and to threaten to give notice to the magistrates; for it was prohibited by an express law, and under heavy penalties, for any person to have a mule in his possession, the breeding of that animal being unlawful in Andalusia. Our host had cared but little about observing this law; for having, about eight days before, had a young mule out of an ass and a little Gallatian mare, whom he had trusted in the same stable together, he thought he might safely venture to pass it off upon travellers, who are generally very hungry, for veal.

I met him at the well in the yard, washing another piece of this supposed veal, which he endeavoured to hide as soon as he perceived me. I came up to him with a resolute air, and desired him, in a determined tone, to return me my cloak, or that I should immediately make my complaint elsewhere; but at these words, which did not frighten him in the least, he looked at me disdainfully, called me a little jackanapes, and threatened to whip me.

The loss of my cloak had not provoked me so much as this behaviour of his; so that giving myself up to my resentment, without considering the inequality of our strength, I answered, that he was nothing but a thief and a knave, and that I dared him to touch me. He appeared stung by my answer, and made up to me, as if to put his threat in execution; but without waiting for this giant (for he was one in comparison with myself), I took up a large stone, and threw it at his head, but fortunately for him it only just grazed one of his ears. Instead, however, of closing with me, and crushing me with the weight of his body, he ran to his chamber, whence he returned in an instant with a long naked sword in his hand. Far from flying before this bravo, I began to reproach him in the most abusive terms, upbraiding him as a coward and poltroon, for not being ashamed to make use of a sword against a young boy, who had no other weapon than a stone to defend himself with.

All the servants ran out to see what was the matter, and were not a little frightened to see their master with a drawn sword in his hand. My comrade, who bore a spite against the scoundrel for the abominable ragout that he had been made to eat, came up to my assistance with a pitchfork; so that (the muleteer and I, of the one part, the host, his wife, children, and servants, of the other) we made such an uproar between us, that any one passing must have thought there was some desperate work going forward in the inn. All the neighbours were alarmed, and came to the house, where they knocked at the door, but, not waiting for its being opened from within, they broke it open, that they might the sooner ascertain the cause of the horrid tumult they heard: then entered a troop of the police, with numerous armed attendants, and the alcaids; for, on account of the wickedness of the inhabitants, there were two alcaids in this town of Cantillana.

These two alcaids had no sooner got into the house, with their followers, than each of them pretended that the cognizance of this affair belonged to him alone, which formed two parties. The armed attendants were also divided according to their different interests, and their division excited a furious dispute amongst them. As the quarrel grew worse, the noise grew louder, till at last no one could hear himself speak; the two parties grew so warm, that they no longer scrupled to betray each other’s feelings, but allowed the most unpleasing truths to escape them. From these revilings they would probably have proceeded to blows, if some honest inhabitants of the town, who had entered the inn at the same time with them, had not interfered and reconciled them; which being accomplished, God knows how, nothing remained but to ascertain the cause of our quarrel, and as a cord always breaks first where it is weakest, they began by seizing hold of me. I was a stranger, without favour, and without acquaintance--JUSTICE, therefore, could not fail to begin with me.

Let me, however, give these alcaids their due; for they certainly did not send me to prison without a hearing. I related to them in a simple manner the subject of my dispute with our host respecting my cloak; then taking them apart, I added the story of the mule, informing them, that they would still find that animal’s skin in the back court, and some pieces stewing in the kitchen. Upon this last article of my deposition, my judges forgot all about my cloak, and repaired to the back court, after having, by way of precaution, seized our host, who did nothing but laugh, thinking that it was all about the cloak, which no one had seen him take; but when the mule’s hide and other appurtenances were brought forward in judgment against him, he became in an instant as pale as a condemned criminal, and during his examination, confessed even more than he was accused of; unluckily for me, however, my cloak was the only subject on which he remained firm; the rascal, from a spirit of revenge, would not confess he had stolen it.

The alcaids sent this rogue to prison, which gave me some pleasure in the midst of my troubles; I say in the midst, for I had not yet got over them. The alcaids’ clerks, a sort of people quite as humane as they are disinterested, thinking that I was of a good family, and might have a rich father, recommended the alcaids, in the most christian manner, to detain me also at all chances. This advice, which was much approved of by my judges, would certainly have been followed, had not the citizens who were present opposed so great an injustice, by saying aloud, that if that were done, I should be punished merely for having done my duty. The murmurs of these honest men prevailed for this once over the good will of the officers of justice, who pardoned me through policy.

The muleteer, who had been witness to all that had passed, and was not a little apprehensive that they would seize his mules and him, whispered me to leave, as quickly as I was able, this blessed part of the country, where a man need not think himself badly off if he escaped with the loss of his cloak only. I approved of his advice; we mounted our beasts in haste, and rode out of the inn-yard.

CHAP. VIII.

_Guzman and the Muleteer meet with another misfortune._

We were so anxious to get clear of the city, that at our setting out we spurred on our mules, which was almost unnecessary, for they seemed as impatient as ourselves, and to have taken an equal aversion to the inn, fearing perhaps lest they should leave their skins there behind them; but when we had got a little way into the country, we slackened our pace again, both keeping a profound silence, and each occupied by his own thoughts. It was a fine treat to observe the countenance of my friend the muleteer; all desire for laughing had entirely forsaken him since I had pointed out to him the remains of the mule, and he dared not venture to jeer me on our admirable repast, fearing the repartees that I might have made, as he had eaten at least six times the quantity that I had, both of the andouille and the brains, and the whole of the morning’s ragout was still on his stomach; so that, had he thought proper to rally me again, which, by the bye, was very far from his thoughts, I could have easily silenced him.

If my companion had cause for disagreeable reflections, I was not more satisfied with the images that presented themselves to my imagination. “O Heavens!” said I, “what unlucky star prevailed on me to quit my mother’s house; no sooner had I left it than every thing became contrary with me; one misfortune has only been the presage of another: the first night I was forced to lie down to sleep at a chapel-door, and that without supper; the next day I had nothing but a chick omelet for dinner, and in the evening was regaled with several ragouts made of a mule travestied into veal; at night I was devoured by fleas, which happily I was not aware of; and to day I had like to have fared equally well, and what is worse, have lost my cloak; nothing was wanting to complete my misfortune but that I should have been sent to prison in company with the man who stole it, and it was not the fault of my judges that was not the case.”

Whenever I thought of this theft I sighed bitterly, for this loss afflicted me more than all the other unfortunate occurrences; in fact, I had more reason to regret it: the stomach may recover itself from the effects of a bad meal, and an uneasy night may be made amends for by the following one; but how was the loss of a cloak to be repaired, with so little money as I had in my pocket? Nevertheless, the evil being without remedy, I resolved to bear it patiently. I had heard it said, that the life of man is a compound of happiness and misery, of pleasure and pain; “if so,” said I, “be comforted, friend Guzman, for you are assuredly on the brink of some good fortune, since you have as yet met with nothing but mischances since your departure from Seville.”

Buoyed up by this flattering hope, I was just beginning to recover myself, when I perceived two men upon mules, who had very much the appearance of what they really were, riding up at a quick trot behind us, who having come up to us, examined us attentively, as if they were looking for some one who very much resembled me. Their very looks were enough to make me uneasy; the holy Brotherhood, of which they had the honour to be members, probably had not any among them of a more terrific appearance. They looked earnestly at me, and as I appeared rather surprised, and even a little alarmed, they leapt from their mules without wanting any further proof, and falling upon me both together, they threw me from my mule to the ground, then seizing me by the arm, one of them said, “Ah! Mr. Rogue, have we caught you at last? come, little wretch, give up the money; give up the jewels that you have stolen, or we will immediately hang you up on the tree that you see a few paces off.” At these words, they set to and pulled and cuffed me about so unmercifully that it was in vain for me to attempt to defend myself.

The good-natured muleteer, touched with compassion to see me so cruelly treated, represented to them that they were certainly mistaken in me; but he was but ill-paid for his remonstrance, for they turned upon him, and when they were tired of thumping him, accused him of being the receiver of the goods I had stolen, and seized both him and his mules, asking him how he had disposed of the money and jewels; and as he could answer them in no other manner than that he was entirely ignorant of what money and jewels they alluded to, a fresh shower of blows fell upon him without mercy. I must confess here my bad disposition; I could not help feeling a malignant satisfaction in seeing this poor devil, upon whom I had brought this ill-luck, so unmercifully banged; for it was to him that I attributed the loss of my cloak, and our infernal repast at supper. After having well pummelled us both, they rummaged out our pockets, and searched us carefully; and not finding what they were in search of, they bound our hands with cords, designing to conduct us in this state to Seville. We were already leashed together like greyhounds, when one of the constables who had bound my hands, said with surprise to his companion: “God forgive me, comrade, but I think that we have been too precipitate, and are deceived; the fellow that we are in pursuit of has no thumb on his left hand, and this chap has all his fingers perfect.” The constable hearing this, drew forth his instructions, and read them aloud. The thief was there described in a manner very different from my appearance; for besides that he wanted a thumb, it was there stated that he was nineteen or twenty years of age, and had long black hair falling over his back like a horse’s tail; instead of which, no one could take me to be more than fourteen, and my hair was very short, of a reddish colour, and much curled. Finding, therefore, that they had made a mistake, they unbound us, and taking possession of a few reals, by way of fee, which the muleteer had in his pocket, they apologized to us by laughing in our faces, and remounted their mules, leaving us all covered with bruises, particularly my friend the muleteer, whose thick built, robust shoulders, had been less spared than mine. To make amends, my mouth was full of blood, and almost all my teeth loosened by the several fisty-cuffs I had received.

This did not prevent us, however, from getting upon our mules again, and continuing our route; but in as sorrowful a plight as any one would have done on such an occasion. When we had got within a quarter of a league from the village del Pédoro, we perceived and soon joined the two friars, who were walking on slowly, waiting till we came up.

I related to them the cause of our delay; for the muleteer was in such a condition that he had not courage to speak a word. These good men much pitied us: the last adventure appeared to them the most distressing, and one of these gentlemen took occasion to say: “God keep every honest man from three _Holies_ that are at this time in Spain; viz. _the holy Inquisition, the holy Brotherhood, and the holy Crusado_. Especially, if he be innocent, God keep him from the _holy Brotherhood_: there may be some hope of justice with the two others, but all that can be said in favour of this latter is, happy are they who do not fall into its hands.”

The friar who had treated me with a sermon the day before, and who was quite upon the itch to be preaching again, managed to turn the conversation upon the vanities of the world, that he might take the opportunity of informing us we could look for none but false pleasures in this world, and that true pleasure is in heaven, where only it is to be found; that even such diversions as promise the greatest possible pleasure, are sure to be either accompanied or followed by some mortification or other. “Have you any objection,” added he, addressing himself to his comrade, “that I should relate to you a fable on this subject, which I think well worthy to be listened to? you will not be sorry to hear it.” At the same time, without waiting for his companion’s answer, he began in these words.

“Jupiter, not content with having created all things on earth for man, through an excess of love for them, sent the God of Pleasure, in early times, to reside here below, solely to make them joyful. But man, and more especially woman, attaching themselves to this new deity, whose attractions completely charmed them, resolved to look up to him only as their divinity; they believed that he was able to gratify all their wishes: thus, thinking that they could dispense with all the other Gods in Heaven, they began to forget them: no prayers, sacrifices, or victims, were offered up to any but the God of Pleasure. Jupiter, being the one most offended, felt this ingratitude of his creatures so sensibly, that he considered he ought to avenge himself on them, and called a council of the immortals to consult with them, fearing that he might be accused of having listened to nothing but his anger.